


Enter The Dragon

by Olivia_Janae



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drug Addiction, Established Relationship, F/F, Mistakes, Paganism, craft, relationship angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:25:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 57
Words: 190,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivia_Janae/pseuds/Olivia_Janae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Mills' have a fairly steady life; three children, P.T.A. meetings, pizza every Monday, tacos every Thursday and a regularly scheduled night for sex.<br/>That is until Regina stumbles onto an unexpected visitor who takes their peaceful life and shatters it into a million pieces; reminding her of vices long left behind.<br/>Will Regina give into her past? Can she fix it if she does?<br/>(Sequel in the making as of May 2018)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not shying away from the grungy in this. There will be references to drugs, a small amount of anal sex, G!P, Dubcon, adultery, neglect, rough play and who knows what else. Yes, in small doses but there it is. As for triggers: As someone who has been through the program, I won't lie. Some of the chapters were a little triggering for me but it's nothing too extreme.
> 
>  
> 
> I've had a handful of betas for this story! It's been a whirlwind!
> 
> Thank you to CreatedTheSoundOfMadness and SQ BookQueen.  
> This is an AU universe. It seems as though it follows canon but the deeper in you get the more you realize it's not canon.
> 
> In this fic there will be a few side scenes of Maleficent and Regina, though trust me, it's anything but romantic or love filled.  
> Despite what you may have heard, this is a Swan Queen story through and through.

_**Sequel in the making as of May 2018. **_

**_See the end of the story for updated author's note about progress._ **

 

_**  
** _

* * *

 

Dedicated to Snowy.  
You broke me, but there was a time that you also taught me. Safe journey, friend.

* * *

_**Just a note before we get started. This is a story of addiction and and redemption. You're going to have to get through five tons of unhappy and hard to get there, but hopefully you find this story worth it.** _

* * *

 

_**Part One** _

* * *

**Regina**

“And this is?"

Regina looked into the Solo cup with skeptical distaste, swirling the unnaturally red liquid. The drink had not as of yet made it past her lips, but already it smelled as though it had been sickly brought back up behind a dumpster on someone's drunken walk home - sticky sweet and disgusting.

The pale blond man chuckled, shifting from foot to foot with pleasure, clearly sure he had caught his prey of the evening early and, therefore, might have enough time to ' _bag_ ' this one and still find another. "Awe come on, you've had _jungle juice_ before, everyone has. It's a college party staple."

"I told you that you could get me a drink. I did not, however, say you could poison me." She handed him back the cup and stepped past him, dismissing him entirely. She didn't miss his angry scoff.

"Let me guess," he called after her, "you're a Harvard girl!"

She continued across the room not bothering to slow her pace. She knew that was meant as an insult, but she couldn't exactly see _how_. He was right. She was studying at Harvard and proud of it. The imbecile didn't realize that he had just paid her a compliment.

Another gleaming smile caught her eye as she landed on the opposite side of the room. She scowled. This one, at least, was well dressed in a designer button-up and tie but…he was lounging against the beer keg as if it were his date for the night, constantly refilling his Solo cup.

No, thank you.

She brushed out her outfit, smoothing non-existent wrinkles.

What was she doing here? This was so unlike her. Look at these people – they weren't _her_ people. She was nothing like them. Dancing, drinking, vomiting in the corners that weren't occupied by people cupping and groping in ways that she wasn't entirely comfortable with seeing. She was a professional. Or at least, she was on her way to becoming one. She had aspirations to fulfill back in her little hometown. What had possessed her? She didn't _do_ parties – it was not how she had been raised.

But of course, she knew without truly questioning herself what had brought her here. It had been those piercing grey eyes. Those piercing grey eyes that had stared at her, daring her to be something other than what she was.  ... And those stupid lips, so full, always painted a light pink no matter how many shades of hungover those grey eyes were. Those stupid pink lips that looked as though they would taste of soft cotton candy and light cigarette smoke.  
And Regina had gone, too stubborn to admit to her tutee that no, she didn't have a wild side. As a matter of fact, she had never possessed one or had _any interest_ in possessing one.  
Well.  
Maybe that last part wasn't entirely true.

She turned from the man at the keg before he could approach, her frustration building. Surely, if you were going to _dare_ a person to show up to a place like this you could, at least, have the decency to be there. Where the hell was she?

"You look like you're looking for someone." A new man had appeared beside her with two drinks in hand and looking annoyingly hopeful.

"How astute of you." She deadpanned, flipping her long hair over her shoulder.

"Well, what does he look like? Maybe I can help you find him."

"Actually no I–" she reluctantly turned to him but was instantly, and thankfully, distracted by the sight over his shoulder.  
_There she was._  
She was standing behind a horizontal pyramid of red Solo cups with a small redhead locked possessively around her. The redhead was suggestively and openly caressing her while she studied her next move, her arm in the air ready to launch the small plastic ball across the table.

"Hey, come on, throw the ball already." The woman across the beer pong table called in a show of very bad sportsmanship.

She flipped her the middle finger and fired her ball. It traitorously bounced off of the rim of the cup and away into the watching crowd.

"That's bullshit!" She bellowed. As Regina watched, she took the cigarette dangling from the lips of the tall, dark and handsome man next to her in full eyeliner and foundation.

"You could have just asked, love." He sighed, lighting another one and whispered something to the smaller, stockier man next to him.

The small white ball flew toward the blonde's cup, hitting the inner rim and spinning. Quickly the woman plunged two fingers in, fishing the ball out and yelling triumphantly when it skittered away. The crowd around her broke into cries of ' _hey_ ', ' _no way_ ' and ' _cheater_ '!

"Fingering and blowing, Mal," the husky man next to her opponent growled. "Men finger, bitches blow."

"Yeah well this bitch doesn't blow much of anything." She thrust her two beer soaked fingers into her mouth and slowly pulled them back, letting her tongue slip between them with a suggestive wink at her female challenger.

Regina flushed, a wave of heat covering her from head to toe.

"That who you're looking for?" The button up asked, bringing her back to him. He was staring with interest as the redhead openly cupped one of Mal’s breasts, doing her best to distract the other team.

"Uh, I suppose." Regina cleared her throat, uncomfortably.

"Ahhh." The man nodded as if he suddenly understood everything. "Mal!" he cried, waving in Regina's direction. "You've got a live one."

From under the rim of her charcoal Fedora, the smoky grey eyes rolled toward the sound of her name. They easily found the man then quickly flicked to Regina beside him. For just a moment Mal seemed genuinely stunned. One eyebrow rose slowly and Regina's flush burned all the brighter in her cheeks. She squirmed in place under that gaze, unable to hold still. After a long, torturous moment, Mal stood, smashing her cigarette into a very full ashtray and dismissively pushed the redhead forward to play the next turn. Regina saw the redhead scowl behind the blonde's back.

Regina felt her back straighten instantly, ready for the woman's approach, her hammering nervously in her chest.  
Only, Mal didn't come toward her. Instead, eyes locked onto Regina's nervous ones, she went to the small kitchen and greeted a few other women. She leaned against the sink and lit another cigarette. She adjusted the pant leg of her skintight hung-low-from-the-hip jeans and the grey mini vest, covering not quite all of her bare pale skin. She took a swig of her beer, finishing it off and then dropping the bottle into the garbage. All of this while blatantly holding Regina's gaze and as much as Regina wanted to, she found that she could not look away.  
Finally, with a smirk, Mal poured took a shot of an amber liquid, not seeming to care which bottle it came from, and started over in her direction.

The wait had only made Regina more anxious. Her heart skipped a few times, but she stood her ground, refusing to show just how out of place she knew she was. She couldn’t stop herself from clearing her throat though, once, twice, her hands folding politely in front of her.

"You came." The amused grey eyes swept her body. "You look like you're ready to walk into fucking court, but you came.” The limber eyebrow twitched and settled. “I would have put money on you being a no-show."

Regina's mouth opened, but she found she had nothing to say. "I uh," was all she managed.

Mal grinned, clearly enjoying Regina's fluster as her hand traced just inside the no-nonsense belt at Regina's waist. "Let's get you a drink, shall we?"

Regina's eyes narrowed for a moment but she nodded once, allowing herself to be pulled by the belt back toward the kitchen.

Mal poured two red Solo cups of the red slosh and handed one over to her. "Careful with that. Will makes a mean jungle juice. It’ll get the job done."

In her nervous state Regina nodded, chugged the glass, and then frowned at the empty cup, unsure of where it had gone.

Mal just dryly smiled, watching her as though she were an entertaining sideshow. Carefully she took the cup from her and refilled it.

"Mal, come on, we're waiting!" The stocky man grabbed her arm and pulled her back to the beer pong table, hips shaking effeminately as he went. Regina followed because she had no idea what else to do and planted herself next to Mal and the redheaded stranger.  
"Will, Regina. Regina, Will." Mal gestured vaguely between the two of them.

Brown eyes swept over Regina, taking in her polite red button up and black slacks. Seeming to decide that he liked what he saw, he smiled and kissed her cheek. "This is my boyfriend, Killian." The smoldery eyelinered man just looked down at her from under his lashes, appraising.

"What is this?" she gestured to the table before them.

"Never played beer pong?"

"Excuse me? Of course not. Why would that be something I would ever do? Why would that be something _anyone_ would ever do?"

Mal rolled her eyes and forced the ball into her hand. "Because it's fun. You know – _fun_? Or do mommy and daddy not allow you to have any of that?"

Did she ever speak out of that monotone? Regina watched her face, scowling. Every word seemed to hang slightly dead from her lips – god, it was attractive, pulling at the deepest part of her.

Okay, so Regina knew she was gay – she had recently wrapped her head around that much. But the idea she would find someone so undeniably attractive so quickly after that realization had rocked her, especially in realizing it was this rude, barely passing girl she was tutoring.

Her mother would never approve.

Mal spun her, forcing her hips toward the table and began raspily whispering instructions in her ear. Regina couldn't concentrate with the girl this close to her; she couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. Another cup made it into her hand and she downed it quickly, simply so she didn't have to turn her face toward the beautiful grey-eyed girl. When Mal was done explaining she had caught almost nothing – something about elbows and throwing the ball into the other person's cup – okay, she could do this. Aim for the cup.

She concentrated hard on the middle cups, but just as she let her arm spring to throw she felt a hand wrap around her hip, clutching sensually at her lower belly. Regina yelped and the little plastic ball shot straight at the face of the woman across from her. Mal roared with laughter, cigarette bopping between her lips.

"Very funny, _Maleficent_. Aren't you supposed to be on my team?"

"Sorry dear, couldn't resist."

The brutality of the game hit home as they quickly began to lose, white balls soaring into their red cups as if they were magnetically attracted to them. The sulky redhead had disappeared, that or Mal had gotten rid of her; Regina didn't know.

"Isn't the entire point of the night to get drunk?" Regina asked as she coughed, the second to last cup on the table having just poured itself down her throat. "Therefore, can we really say that being forced to drink is losing?"

Mal laughed as the last ball found the last cup. "Depends on your point of view. Here," she took the remnants of the other team's cups, split the four into two and gave her one, "can you get this down in under a minute?"

Regina's eyes narrowed, seeing the challenge.

She did. The sticky sweet liquid coating her throat like foul cough syrup in her effort to get it down.

She coughed and spluttered but she got it down.

They played another game, this time with beer and by the end, Regina couldn't tell her ass from her hat. She was drunk. They had also lost this game and her stomach swirled with a mix of beer and the iconic Jungle Juice.

"Enough of that." Mal turned away from the table when they had finished the cups and led her, by the belt, into the crowd of people dancing. “Come on.”

Surrounded by strangers, Mal's hips began to swing.  
Regina froze.  
"Oh, don't tell me you're shy."

Will and Killian appeared on either side of her, their hands forcing her hips into action. Regina laughed, loving the attention and gave in.

She stumbled, blissfully giggling as they danced with Will and Killian for a long while, slipping between the arms of the gay men and Mal's embrace.

She hadn't arrived at the party until late so it was turning into early morning when Mal pulled her outside.  
"Haven't you been smoking inside all night?"

"And now I want to smoke outside."

Regina snorted but leaned heavily against the railing of the patio facing the woman that had become her sort of date for the evening.

"Are you having fun, Regina, dear?"

"Strangely,” she nodded, trying to clear her foggy head, “yes. I never do things like this."

"Hmm, perhaps you should more often."

Regina chuckled, plucking up her courage and taking the cigarette from Mal's lips. She didn't know why she had done it. She had smoked a cigarette only once while away at boarding school and she had hated it. She took a deep pull and tried not to turn purple at the burn.

Mal crossed her arms, intrigue evident on her face. "That went from my mouth to yours."

"And?"

"So. Basically. We just French kissed."

A cloud of smoke erupted from Regina as she choked, looking as though someone had just caught her on fire.

Mal took the cigarette back, holding Regina's eyes as she put the tip back into her mouth and seductively sucked.

Regina's insides squirmed.

"How many women have you been with, Regina?"

"What?" Her eyes were still streaming from the smoke. She definitely was not ready for that question. "Who says I have been with or _want_ to be with a woman?" Mal just stared; eyes level and Regina found herself spitting a number. "Three."

She was lying, of course, but there was no way she would admit her innocence.

Mal shrugged acknowledgement. "And you want me to be number four."

Regina choked on her drink, spilling a small amount down her chin. "Blunt. That was blunt."

Mal leaned in close, wiping the juice from her lips with her thumb and then pointedly placed her thumb in her own mouth.

Regina quivered as Mal's body pressed close, so close she could feel the heat pouring off of her. "Who says - who says - I want to sleep with you?" Everything about her betrayed her, her palms sweat, her breath caught, a white-hot chill flashed across her skin as Mal continued to press, daring, challenging her to deny it. She had never felt this before, this intense longing; she wanted to pull the woman to her and run away at the same time.

"Tell me…" Regina's body shook as Mal’s smoky breath tickled hotly across her cheek and chin, "that you don't want everything I could offer you."

That did it, she reached for her needing to quench her thirst, throw water on the flames else they would consume her.

"Hey, Mal."

Mal pulled back, away from Regina's lips before they could touch, a look of teasing pleasure in her eyes. "Just a moment, dear."

She turned and watched as a brunette man conga'd a train of people their way, laughing as his head rolled on his shoulders, his eyes a strange orange.

Regina stared.  
"Little gift from me to you." He dropped something that Regina couldn't see into Mal's palm.

"Yer a saint, Johnny. A fucking saint!" Mal winked pulling Regina back to her. "Bottoms up."

She only had a moment to see the little white pill before it disappeared past her lips.

"What is that?"

Mal laughed, fingering the second little tablet. "Just a little X-rated party favor."

"Ecstasy?"

A small chuckle rose from Mal as the girl slowly rubbed her nose over Regina's jaw, sending shocks of static straight to the apex of Regina's leg, nimble fingers leafing gently up and down her thigh. "Not – exactly."

"But it's drugs?"

"It's… _Magic_." Mal pulled back and Regina could see a lightly mauve glow beginning in Mal's irises.

“Wha-"

“Lighten up, Regina. Have some fun with me." She gasped as she felt Mal's cold fingers pull her blouse from the waist of her pants and gently slip under, ever so slightly toying at the skin of her stomach.

She wasn't sure she was comfortable with this, but the pull of Mal's skittering fingers was intoxicating - or perhaps it was simply that at this moment Regina would have done anything as long as Mal's body stayed pressed against hers like this.

Besides, she found herself wondering, what if it's fun? She had been good all of her fucking life, doing exactly what mother and father had wanted her to do. Maybe it was time to have some fun instead? Pleasure filled her as she decided to do something that her parentage would disapprove of.

"Hmm?" Mal asked, placing the little tablet on the tip of her tongue.

Regina's breath shuddered from her as those hands popped the middle buttons of her shirt and began to slowly slip through the gap; a small "oh god" falling from her lips as cold fingers slithered into the cup of her bra.

Mal grinned knowingly.

Regina froze, sensations on overload as Mal leaned in close, pausing just before her lips to deliberately make her wait. Regina's breath caught and then picked up pace in anticipation, palms locking tightly on the back of Mal's neck as her eyes closed, mouth parting of its own volition, waiting and ready.

It wasn't Mal's lips that touched hers but instead, her tongue independently slipped past Regina's lips, making her breath slam from her chest in a low moan and her palms clutch tighter.

A small chuckle brushed her as the tongue slipped softly past her own, depositing the tablet underneath and then pressed ever so lightly on top, holding it in place for a few beats as the pill melted. Then Mal's lips were on hers, tongues caressing and Regina gasped, closing the distance between them hotly.

Mal's hands glanced over her body and Regina found she didn't care that they were in public, she just wanted her clothing off. She just wanted to feel this girl's lips on every part of her.

"Come on." Mal grinned a dry, pleased grin and pulled her back onto the dance floor where Will and Killian still bopped and whirled together. Regina giggled happily as she found herself sandwiched between the two boys, hips shaking as Michael Jackson swore Billie Jean was not his lover.

"Hey, Will," Killian whispered as the foursome slid together perhaps a little more suggestively than Regina normally would have allowed, "you know what would be totally hot?"

"What?" Deep interest sparked across Killian's face as he brushed his lips across Will's shoulder.

"Watching these two touch each other. I think tonight might finally be the night."

"Oh, my god, it would!" Will giggled, winking to a shocked Regina.

Mal's eyebrow popped, enveloping Regina possessively in her arms and burying her face in her neck. Regina gasped. "I don't know. I don't think Pollyanna here could handle it."

Regina looked between them, shocked. "A four-way?" Regina frowned, "Aren't you - gay?" She felt Mal's hand travel up the back of her thigh and breathlessly turned to her. "Aren't _you_ gay?"

The group shared a small laugh at the girl's naivety. "We don't want to touch you, love." Killian rolled his eyes as though she were the silliest little thing on the planet.

"We just do our...thing...while they do theirs." Mal explained, biting Regina's bottom lip just hard enough to cause pain. "It's exciting, kind of a share in the energy thing. We're all still gay." Mal turned back to her friends. "You've been talking about doing it forever. Did you grow some - balls?"

Regina couldn't decide what she was feeling. She was repulsed…of course, that went without saying. She did not behave in such a manner. Still, she felt a shiver of something else float through her as Will and Mal kissed deeply, then grinned at their playful behavior. Her mind was beginning to grow fuzzy, her skin starting to burn. The pounding music around them seemed to echo deep in her core; her thoughts, their words were becoming more and more difficult to process.

Grey eyes flashed to Regina's and Mal didn't ask, she could see the intrigue in her face. Silently she pulled Regina by the hand into the anonymous bedroom of the party thrower. Without hesitation, she pressed her to the wall and Regina sighed.

"Are you sure?"

Regina opened her mouth but her thoughts were fuzzy and what slipped out instead was a loud snarl of a groan as hands cupped her ass aggressively, hungry lips finding hers again. She felt – different.

Will shared in Regina's moan of pleasure as the women kissed, behind them Killian's lips pressed against his boyfriend’s chest. The soft moans of the other couple safely across the room - the couple that had no desire to touch or to taste her - energized Regina. She sucked in a breath and tasted something she had never tasted before, something that reminded her of Maleficent’s scent. It was forbiddingly exciting and invigoratingly terrifying. There was no way she would be the one to back down.

Mal leaned back, smirking as Regina's lips tried to hungrily follow and frowned when they separated. Mal bit her lip and popped the buttons of her vest. Regina gasped, hands going instantly to the large tattoo of the dragon covering the woman's ribcage. She touched it softly and the dragon stretched, purring as it was pet, a small puff of smoke escaping its snout. Regina felt her mouth drop open in surprise.

Mal began to unbutton her shirt as Regina stared, transfixed. Her small gasps became long pants as a psychedelic wave of pleasure rolled over her, setting her skin to pins and needles. Mal softly bit into the flesh at the top of her cleavage, her hand finally finding the apex of her pants and rubbing.

Behind them, eyes dark, Killian crawled over Will's legs and quickly, ravenously began to unbutton his jeans.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Addiction…it's zero to sixty in a manner of seconds. You think you are fine and then before you know it…you're just not there anymore and in your place is someone else entirely."_

_-Regina Mills_

* * *

**Emma**

* * *

"I hate you, I - I just freaking hate you!" Henry's adolescent voice cracked as he screamed down the stairs of their two-story Colonial home. It was a new record, from fine to screaming in a matter of seconds. Emma clicked her tongue, thinking that she should get a sticker for that, or perhaps a cookie that said _'#1 Mom'_ in fluorescent blue icing.

"Well, good!" Emma yelled back, hot-red in the cheeks and eyes tearing with frustration. "That's good for you! You'll have plenty of things to tell your therapist when you get older! You should be thanking me!"

"I don't get it!" Her son's livid, pimpled face appeared over the highest railing above her. "Why won't you let me go? Luke is going! Joseph and Kyle are going! Even Paige is going and her dad never lets her do anything! Why the hell can't I go? I don't even like Paige or Penny like that!"

"Well.” Emma scoffed. “ _You_ might not but your hormones sure do!"

Henry’s face crumpled into disgust. "Ugh! _Mom!_ God! UGH! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Hey!” She shot back, a finger pointing ineffectually at him. “Absolutely freaking not! Watch your language! Bonnie's first word will not freaking be something that she can't say in front of Mother Superior! Watch it! That is _not_ how you're going to convince me to let you go!"

" _Fine_!" Henry let out a grunted huff of frustration and disappeared from view, his bedroom door slamming with a resounding smack a moment later.

Emma stood in her place at the foot of the stairs, seething, her breath fast in her throat and her hands balled into fists. She shouldn't let Henry get her this worked up. He was just being... teenage. It was pointless. She was usually better at that, at not rising to the occasion, but damn, she wanted to smack the kid! _How_ had he thought she would say yes anyway?

Off to her right, keys in the front door jingled, announcing that her wife, Regina, had made it home. She tried to relax her stance, but before Emma could greet her, however, the door upstairs swept open again with a furious crash.

"THIS IS SO UNFAIR!” Henry bellowed. “I'M GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE NOT GOING! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE SUCH A LOSER! YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN MY SOCIAL LIFE! GOD, YOU SUCK! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE COOL ONE! WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT?"

"I HAD A TEENAGER!"

"Ouch. Does that mean I'm the uncool one?" Regina asked, eyebrows so high they were brushing her hairline.

Emma just let out a grunt and shrugged.

"What is he yelling about now?"

She growled, picking up their always wailing one-year-old that had somehow made it to her feet and fighting against the blanket of exhaustion. Instead of answering, she called, "Ollie! Mommy's home."

"Mooooommmy!" Their youngest boy came skitting from the living room into the foyer, sliding across the smooth floor in his socked feet to throw his arms around Regina's knees.

"Hi, sweet pea." She gave him a kiss and, satisfied, he went running back to his previous activity in the living room.

“So?” Regina asked in a not unkind voice.

"A bunch of Henry's friends are going camping this weekend and he wants to go." Emma explained, hiking the sniffling Bonnie up her hip and habitually bouncing her a little.

"Oh?" Regina frowned, pulling off her Keds and hanging her shapeless jacket. "And why can't he go? What'd he do?"

"Nothing... well - kind of. He does still have a C in Art... a low C.” Again Regina’s eyebrows rose. They were both aware of the extra credit project that he, and in turn they, had worked on until the early hours the month before.

“Mostly I said no because some of those friends who are going are including Paige and Penny." She finished.

"I see."

"Yeah. So, you know... he hates me.” She pushed a bot of Bonnie’s hair out of her eyes and swayed. “I wonder if Jefferson knows the whole story about this trip. I don't see him letting Paige go camping with a bunch of boys."

"No. I don't either. I'll talk to him tomorrow."

Emma nodded and handed her the blonde baby, who instantly began to wail.

Bonnie was thirteen months old and in the thick of an unhealthy dose of separation anxiety. Of course, she knew both of her mothers quite well but it always took the cherub-faced girl a moment to realize she was simply with her other mother and not some gargoyle stranger who was planning to take a bite out of her.

She watched Bonnie try to push away from Regina, her face turning pink and then red. If Emma were being honest, she wasn't sure it was her mother that the baby was anxious about parting with as much as the binky they had just weaned her from a few weeks before. Bonnie had held onto it with the jaws of life and had been prone to bouts of tears since then.

Regina just softly pat her butt, used to the screaming, waiting, as she always did, for Bonnie to realize she was safe. "Well you're right, he definitely can't go. I thought that extra credit project brought him back up to a B in Art."

"It _did_."

"I see."

“Yeah.” Emma sighed and moved back toward the living room where Oliver was peacefully curled up in the crook of the couch, reading a book as though minutes before his older brother hadn't been trying to initiate World War III in the next room.

"I'm sorry he's behaving that way. I'll talk to him too."

Emma just nodded and ran her fingers through her slightly tangled hair, remembering that she hadn't kissed her hello. "Hi, by the way."

"Hi.” Regina smiled. “How was your day? You look tired."

Emma chuckled, weren't they both tired? _Tired_ was just another name for having a teenager... also having a baby... also having more than one child - also being alive...they suffered from a severe case of all four of those. She flopped onto the couch, her eyes immediately closing. "It was fine. Busy. Storybrooke _really_ needs a Whole Foods so I don't have to drive so far for one." She was lying when she said that her day had been fine. It had been hard. Henry was pissed. Again. He had been since minutes after she had picked him up from school. Also, just like every other day since Bonnie's new anxiety, she had spent the majority of the day screaming her head off unless she was on Emma's hip, which made doing _anything_ very difficult and made her body ache. Oliver had been pushed by another boy at school because of his pink striped leggings, which meant that she had spent an hour in the school's office - again - while Bonnie intermediately screamed from Oliver's lap in the waiting room.

Emma was... tired.

They had simply bit off more than they could chew this school year, taking on too many extracurricular activities. Emma had never been this tired. But it was all right because now the day, at least the hard part of it, was over. There was just dinner, bath time, and then bed time. Thank _god_. She could take her shoes off and start fantasizing about the very hot shower she would take after the kids were in bed.

"I'm glad that your day wasn't too hard. I know Bonnie is in a difficult phase right now." Regina sat on the opposite side of the couch, apparently not realizing that Emma had been lying through her teeth. Emma wasn't upset by that fact, she knew that Regina's head was still back at work. Emma would tell her more after that shower.

"Well, today was a weird day for me..." she began to ramble on, playing with a now calm Bonnie's chubby feet. Sharing their days was their usual interaction post work. Regina would come home and begin to speak of her day and Emma would sit and listen. Well - Emma would try to sit and listen. She always did. She would focus tightly on the first few sentences, knowing that she had absolutely no interest in the topic at all and, therefore, she needed to try all the harder. Then around the third or fourth sentence, Emma's mind would begin to wander. She would nod and smile in the proper moments but really her mind was wondering about the late assignment Henry hadn't turned in or Bonnie's teething. Emma couldn't feel too bad though, she knew Regina did it too. It wasn't that they didn't care, as much as it was that they had been hearing the same types of stories for ten years. They had lost their appeal.

About halfway through Regina looked up with a crease in her brow, making Emma jump guiltily. She had been dozing a little. "Did something happen with dance tonight?"

"What?" Emma asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. She had a headache.

"Ollie's class. It's Friday."

Emma let out a curse far too colorful for the young ears present and jumped to her feet. "It's Friday? Why was I thinking it's Wednesday? That doesn't even make sense, if it were you wouldn't even be home yet! Shit! We're late! Did Henry leave to go over to Joanne's? Did you see him leave?"

"That's a baaad word, Mommy!"

Emma flinched, but Regina covered for her. "She knows, sweetie. Mommy didn't mean it. Hop up and get your shoes on, please."

"HENRY! YOU MISSED THE CARPOOL! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SOCCER!" Emma skipped to the stairs to yell up them.

"Yeah. I know. I forgot." Henry appeared behind her with his cleats hanging over his shoulder. "Can I have a ride, _please_?"

Emma sighed and gently pushed him toward the door. "Well, if you would stop yelling at me, kid, I would remember the day of the freaking week. Yeah? Great. Let's go. Ollie?"

Their quiet six-year-old skipped into the foyer, a small smile on his lips. "I'm ready, Mommy."

"Thank you, sweet pea."

The boys headed down the driveway to Emma's Prius while she jammed her feet into her comfy sneakers, cramping her toes. "Do you have her?" Emma asked over her shoulder. She knew that Regina had extra work to do, she always did in the evenings but the thought of another drive where Bonnie screamed the whole way turned her headache into a preemptive migraine.

Regina looked uncertainly from Bonnie, who was already beginning to fuss again as Emma got closer to the front door and back to Emma. It took a moment but she clicked on a smile. "Of course. I have a few phone calls to make but I can make those later."

Emma gave her a relieved smile, squeezed her hand, and headed out toward the car.

 

* * *

 

 

"Stop it! ... Stop it! ....Seriously? Stop!"

Henry was hitting Ollie.

Then Ollie was hitting Henry.

"Guys, I mean it!"

" _Ow!_ Mom!"

" _Oliver_!"

"Ahhh! Mommy!"

" _Henry_!"

"What? He hit me first!"

"Henry, you are freaking sixteen! Deal with it!"

"Mooo-"

"Do you want to go to soccer practice?"

"Uh, yeah. I have to.” Emma could hear the eye roll in his voice. “Coach would kill me if I didn't. We have a game tomorrow. Tonight's a scrimmage."

"Ollie. Do you want to go to dance?"

"Yes, Mommy."

"Then both of you need to sit down and freaking be quiet before I _put you in an early grave_!" She snarled in that number one mom voice, the one that all three children, well maybe two and a half, knew not to mess with.

Both boys sat back solemnly and did their best to hide their smiles. They didn't believe their mother's threat for a minute.

Emma pulled up to the gate of the small high school's soccer field and had to stifle a sigh. "Okay, first kid - out."

Henry turned to get out, scrambling over Ollie. Emma waited for his hand to lash out and smack Ollie again, but it didn’t. Instead he paused, one foot out the door.

"What's wrong? You're going to be late."

"Nothing." He smiled his softly gawky grin and leaned forward to kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry about what I said before, Mom. I didn't mean it."

Warmth flooded through her chest feeling like hot soup on a cold day. Henry was changing, he had turned into a fully-fledged teenager – already was, and with that came all of the attitude and hormones, but every now and then she got a glimpse of the sweet round-faced boy she had given birth to sixteen years ago.

"Oh." She ruffled his hair, loving the half smile he gave her in response. "Thanks. That feels good to hear."

"Okay." He smiled one more time and then was gone.

 

Outside of _Storybrooke Dance_ , Oliver shuffled his way into the front seat and threw his arms around her neck. "I'm sorry I hit Henry, Mommy. I know I'm not supposed to."

Emma gave a happy laugh and wrapped her arms around her little boy tightly. Henry really had no idea the type of influence he held over Oliver, did he?

"Awe, thank you, sweet pea. Okay, run inside. You're late. Mom will be the one to pick you up, okay?"

"'Kay!" Ollie jumped out of the car and ran inside, his dance slippers slapping happily against the concrete as he went. “Love you, Mommy!”

“Love you too, Ollie!”

 

Emma headed home then to relieve Regina of Bonnie, who disappeared into her office instantly with an apologetic expression and a promise to pick up Henry and Oliver. So Emma bounced the little girl on her hip and sang repetitive courses of the wheels on the bus while she made dinner.

Regina appeared a bit later to give the girls a quick kiss before leaving to pick up the boys.

 

They arrived in a calamity of noise, screaming and arguing while Regina marched after them, her face twisted into fury, glaring and snarling. "You both have things you would like to attend tomorrow, do you not?” She was shouting. “Right. Then calm down!"

"Oh great! I'm starved!" Henry dropped his soccer things just inside the kitchen door, plopped down at the table, and immediately shoved a roll into his mouth whole.

"Excuse me, mister!" Regina smacked him lightly on the back of the head. "Wait for everyone else."

He guffawed lightly, cheeks full to exploding and took Bonnie to put her in her high chair.

"Did you wash your hands?"

Henry rolled his eyes as though this wasn't the routine every night but pulled his brother up so that they could wash before dinner.

“And put away your bags, both of you. They don’t belong on the kitchen floor!” Regina called after them.

Over dinner they spoke of school and work, telling jokes that, on Henry's part, were not always the most appropriate - just like every night.

After dinner was bath time for Bonnie and Oliver, some mindless TV, and then straight up to bed - just like every night.

Emma and Regina spent some time doing their usual nightly activities; paperwork for Regina and light tidying for Emma. Then they got ready for bed, too tired - as usual - to stay up late.

Just as she did every night, on her way upstairs Emma opened Oliver's door as she went by. "Put the book away, sweet pea!"

There was a yelp and the muffled light coming from under his covers went out.

 

"I know I had more to tell you about today." Emma called from the bathroom. She had pulled her tired legs into it, expecting that highly anticipated shower, only to decide she was too tired. Instead, she pulled on the overly large t-shirt she slept in and clicked off the light.

"Hmm." Regina nodded from her place in front of her vanity. "I saw Oliver's knee."

"Yeah. It's that stupid kid again. I don't see how his teacher doesn't believe this is bullying." Emma flopped in elegantly across the soft bed and then wiggled her way under the covers. The feeling was better than sex.

"Did I ever tell you,” Regina asked, brushing through her hair, “that when I spoke to his teacher last she told me that we simply need to stop letting Ollie dress himself?"

Emma gave a snort. "In other words, he would stop being picked on if we forced him into jeans instead of leggings. Yeah, well, she's a dick."

Regina chuckled, climbing into bed and let her head fall against Emma's shoulder. "And Henry?"

"He apologized. We're good until I piss him off again."

"That seems about right. Oh. What time is Henry's game in the morning?"

"Um, eight."

"Right." Regina pulled her hair back into a ponytail and sank into the sheets.

Emma clicked off the light and sighed, cuddling into Regina’s side. "Is this our week to bring snacks or is it next week?"

"I think it's next week." Regina answered, her voice already thickening with sleep.

Emma ran her hand lightly but affectionately over Regina's stomach, not at all surprised when her wife batted it away.

Henry was Emma's child from a previous relationship, if you could call it that, but Regina had carried both Oliver and Bonnie. Emma was sure that any woman after two pregnancies would retain a little weight and the forty pounds that Regina's body stubbornly had held onto seemed completely natural. They didn't bother Emma at all, but Regina adamantly disagreed. Stomach touching was no longer allowed.

"Sorry." Emma habitually apologized, her hand instead moving to gently cup one of Regina’s breasts.

"That's all right." Regina shifted a little, getting comfortable.

They shared a small smile before their lips met in a tired kiss.

Ten minutes later they both were resting back on their pillows, eyes drooping.

Regina chuckled to herself in the darkness. "It must be Friday."

"What? No!” Emma liked to pretend that it hadn't become a routine as regular as Monday night pizza and Henry's soccer practices but both women knew it was true.

Regina just tittered in response, making Emma glare as she rolled to her side into her sleep position.

Oh well. She decided as she drifted off.

Scheduled sex.

There were worse things in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

**Emma**

* * *

The next week went on as normal, their life like a Ferris wheel caught on a track that continually, albeit pleasantly spun. Time was only measured in the inches their children grew.

 

 **Monday** : Do the grocery shopping. Do the laundry. Stop by the farmer's market. Soccer practice for Henry (Emma drives the carpool). Dance class for Oliver. Pizza night.

 **Tuesday** : Mommy and Me with Bonnie. Do the laundry. Clean. Academic Decathlon meeting for Henry.

 **Wednesday** : Free day for whatever was needed that week. Regina's late night - not home until nine. Do laundry. Clean. New recipe night.

 **Thursday** : Mommy and Me with Bonnie. Storybrooke P.T.A. meeting. Ollie's early dismissal. AcDec meeting for Henry. Do the laundry. Taco night.

 **Friday** : Prepare for the weekend. Clean. Do the laundry. Soccer practice for Henry (Joanne drives the carpool). Dance class for Oliver. Spaghetti night. Sex night.

 **Saturday/Sunday** : A mix of soccer games, dance recitals, birthday parties, sleepovers, playdates, and chores. Do the laundry. Dinner at Granny's.

 

These routines were subject to change, of course. If something powerful enough blew through with enough force to knock their habits out of whack or if one of them became so sick of spaghetti or tacos that they were willing to fight the others on the routine. But for the most part, that rarely happened. Their life was comfortable for all who were involved, easy, warm and steady.

Which is why they were all so startled when the next Saturday morning Regina's simple act of walking into Granny's was able to turn their peaceful, steady life on its head.

And it all started that Friday morning with a broken coffee pot.

 

* * *

 

 

"I'm _pressing_ the freaking button! It's not freaking working."

Emma grumbled to herself from the changing table where she was pinning Bonnie with one elbow and trying to wrestle her into a pair of socks. She supposed couldn't exactly yell at Henry for saying freaking, not with how often she said it herself, but she hated the way it sounded coming out of her son's mouth.

Regina apparently didn't feel the same way. "HENRY JAMES MILLS!” The words suddenly bounced off the mansions walls, making Emma jump. “SAY _FREAKING_ ONE MORE TIME AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS! WE ALL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN WHEN YOU SAY THAT, YOUNG MAN!"

"Well, what do you want me to _do_? It's not working!"

Socks finally on, Emma picked up Bonnie and turned right in time to see Regina's face twitch as she glared down at him over the banister.

Just like the cuteness factor that was an inbred tool to stop us from eating our young - the awkward zits and cracking voice was also a tool to stop us from murdering our children during their teenage years, Emma was sure of it. She knew that Regina was trying to swallow back her laughter about the way Henry's voice had squeaked into a crack on 'do', his Adam's apple more than likely bobbing awkwardly as he tried to fix the augmentation before anyone else heard it.

Henry wasn't fooled by Regina’s poor poker face. On the ground floor, he turned on his heels and began to stomp away.

"Awww, Henry, I'm sorry, sweetie! I'll come down and look at the coffee pot!"

Bonnie squirmed and squealed happy squeal as Emma kissed her cheek, heading to Oliver’s room. "Sweet pea, are you up?"

The toilet flushed behind her and she heard a garbled, "Yes!"

"Good! Run downstairs so that someone can brush your hair."

When she finally made it into the kitchen Oliver's hair was slicked back, wet and long and Henry was spooning giant mounds of cereal into his mouth at a mind-boggling pace. "Whoa, slow down so you don't choke."

Henry rolled his eyes. "I do know how to swallow, Ma."

Emma scoffed and sternly, but affectionately smacked him in the back of the head making him sputter. "How about now? Huh? Can you still swallow?"

Milk dripped from Henry's chin, little bits of cereal on the table from where it exploded from him, his face flabbergasted.

“Ew!” Oliver cried.

Emma winked and dropped Bonnie in her highchair before moving to help Regina, who was swearing under her breath. "The coffee pot’s just finicky. Let me try."

"I know how to run the coffee machine, Emma!" Regina snapped, grumpy.

Emma's hands went up in surrender, glowering. "Fine." She wanted a cup of coffee just as much as Regina and didn’t appreciate the snapping. She wanted to insist but instead began on Bonnie's breakfast.

"It's broken." Regina finally burst, fuming. They _needed_ coffee like they needed air.

"Are you _sure_?"

Henry looked up, alerted by the bite in their voices. Just like the sweet little boy he once was, Henry still hated it when they fought. "Do you want me to run down to Granny's and get you guys some? I have time if I go now."

"No, thank you, sweetheart." Regina gave him half a smile and without a glance at once another, both of his mothers pointedly busied themselves with other things.

 

Soon Regina gave Emma a stiff peck goodbye and headed to work while Emma strapped a screaming Bonnie into her car seat between Henry and Oliver.

"You know, this is my favorite thing she does." Henry scowled at the baby.

"Nu-uh, you said you hate it yesterday!" Oliver accused in a high wailing voice.

"I was being sarcastic, you dweeb!"

"I'm not-"

Emma paused as she heard the click of Bonnie's buckle. "Boys." Her voice was soft, quiet and it drew their attention better than a shout would have. "See my face? This face says we need to be _nice_ to one another this morning because mom doesn't want to listen to your fighting. Okay? I haven't had my coffee. Today is not the day to push me." Both boys nodded and fell respectfully silent. "Thank you."

Soon the boys would walk to school together since the elementary school is on the way to the high school but for now the season was still chill. Soon she would send them off and there would be no more strapping Bonnie in every morning until next year when - she prayed – her daughter would be over this phase.

"Okay, so don't forget.” She started her usual morning reminders as they backed out of the driveway. “Henry, you need to be at Joanne's _by_ 5:45. Let's not have what happened last week happen again, please. Ollie, did you make sure that your tights were in the wash?"

The little boy's face fell open. "Oh no!" He cried.

"That's okay, I'll do it. Try to remember next time, okay?"

"Okay."

Once the car was empty, of the boys anyway, she ran her errands getting the special solid red t-shirt Henry needed for his AcDec thing the next day and a gift for Lindsey Hall whose sleepover birthday Oliver would soon be attending.

Thankfully, both of those things would be at the Target one town over.

Searching through the Monster High dolls that she knew Oliver wanted for himself, she again found herself wondered if she and Regina had made the right choice in telling Ollie that he could go. At what age was it no longer appropriate for a little boy to spend the night at a little girl's house? He would be the only boy, she knew it. Even if she could say an age outright, would it even matter with Ollie?

Regina and Emma knew that their son was special; as a matter of fact they knew that all of their children were special. But they also knew Ollie was a little 'different' - whatever that word meant.

When Ollie, at the age of four, started begging to shop for clothes in the little girl's section preferring pinks and My Little Pony shirts instead of blues and Transformers, it had been a nonissue to his moms. They didn't care what he wore as long as he was healthy and happy. Of course, they had to rein him in a bit since the one time they let him wear a dress to school the whole conservative town of Storybrooke, ME had suffered a simultaneous heart attack.

They didn't know if their son would grow up to one day be their daughter since as of yet he seemed comfortable being called their little boy - or if their son would simply grow up flamboyantly in love with other men but in truth, it didn't really matter to them.

Still, she worried about this sleepover. Children can be cruel. Yes, Lindsey was Ollie’s best friend, but what about Lindsey's other friends? And their parents? She was never sure who was worse, the children or the parents.

Then again, Lindsey's mother and father had always been very sweet to him so maybe this was just fine and she shouldn't worry. They wouldn't let the children be cruel to her son, would they?

Plus Storybrooke was getting used to seeing Ollie in his ballet slippers and blouses.

Even Henry, who had once gotten into a handful of scrapes in defense of his brother, had finally stopped receiving a hard time from his classmates. Anything became old news when it was around long enough.

She sighed and tossed one of the dolls into her basket. She needed to stop worrying. She _would_ stop worrying about Ollie until there was a reason to worry. ...And maybe she would ask the Hall’s that night to keep an eye out for him.

 

 

Once home she went through her usual routine. She did another batch of the endless laundry, folding and putting it away with expert speed while Bonnie took her morning nap. She cleaned everything but the boy's rooms and made a mental note that Sunday would be devoted to making sure they picked up their space. She spent a while slicing up the huge bag of oranges she had picked up at Costco, as well throwing some bottles of water on ice and putting a few dozen granola bars into an overlarge Ziploc, ready for the soccer game the following day.

All her usual routine.

When Henry and Oliver arrived home from school they started on their homework and then went to their separate obligations. Regina arrived home not long after, looking tired and immediately closed herself into her home office to get the last bit of paperwork done in her office while bouncing Bonnie on her knee.

Emma was just dishing out plates of pasta and veggies when the whole family found their way to the dinner table.

They ate and discussed the coming weekend, then the boys played video games for a while before bed.

As soon as the house had grown quiet Emma and Regina flopped on the couch with exhausted groans.

"Coffee makes all the difference." Emma gripped. Her face was planted into the cushions and she couldn’t seem to care enough to turn over. "I always think I've become immune but I can tell when I don't have it."

Regina kicked her feet up on the coffee table. "I agree.” She sighed deeply, rubbing at her makeup-less eyes. “Hey, I'm sorry about this morning. I was just grumpy."

"Me too. Sorry."

They sat in silence for a while, just _feeling_ exactly how tired they were.

"Tomorrow’s that sleepover." Emma sighed.

Regina stiffened a little beside her. "Oh no. That has come quickly."

"Yeah, so we should be prepared for anything. I still can't decide if I should make him bring pants and a shirt to sleep in."

"Oh, but he so wants to show the girls his new Tinkerbell nightie. I think it's half the reason why he wants to go."

"I know." In truth, the look of pride on his face as he showed off the light green nightie was adorable.

Regina reached over and took her hand. "I think we need to just let him be himself, Em. If there is a problem we will handle it."

Emma nodded, balanced somewhere between nerves and a vicious mama bear who would rip anyone who hurt her cub into tiny pieces. "I know you're right. I just...” she let the sentence fall. “Anyway, Henry has his soccer game tomorrow and I think he wants to spend the night with Luke. I get the feeling that they want to drive out to a movie theater and see some movie they probably shouldn't see. He hasn't asked yet."

Regina chuckled and pulled her hair out of her ponytail, fluffed it, and moaning at the release.

Interest sparked in Emma's tired body at the sound.

“Are we going to let him go?”

“I don’t know. I guess so. Hey." She pulled at Regina’s hand, her small smile pointing out exactly what she wanted. Regina's eyebrows rose in surprise until Emma smirked. "It's Friday."

Regina let out a throaty chuckle, sliding onto Emma as she wanted and let Emma press her lips to hers. The kiss was slow and sleepy but familiar like your favorite dessert at your favorite restaurant. Their lips parted and tongues danced lightly until Emma had to pull away to yawn.

"Sorry."

Regina, so often the aggressive power bottom, pulled her closer and began to unbutton Emma's shirt.

Emma sighed as Regina's lips brushed hers, then down her jaw and across her chest toward a hidden nipple.

"Should we go upstairs?"

"No." Emma spoke into her hair. "Let's stay here.” She liked these times that felt a little more like they were young and child free again. Late night sex on the couch had once been so common. Still, a little embarrassed by that thought, she added, “I don't want to get up."

They chuckled in agreement. They had given up long and lavish sex two children ago and instead settled for simple, using ten years of knowledge to get the other off in minutes. Emma was never really sure if she should be proud of their ability to do that or ashamed of the quick speed. It wasn't very... _romantic_ , was it?

Regina’s teeth caught some of her skin between her teeth and Emma banished the thought. It wasn’t the time.

Just as Regina was beginning to unbutton her own pants so Emma's hand could fit inside, Bonnie began screaming upstairs, making them groan.

"Ugh.” Emma’s head fell back, immediately far too upset. “We have to figure something out. I can't keep going with her like this."

"I know." Regina sighed, closing Emma's shirt for her.

"Hey!"

"I'll meet you upstairs!"

"Oh. Okay." Emma gave her half a smile, pleased that their time wasn’t over.

They both got up, Regina heading to wait for her wife while Emma went to silence the baby.

 

It took a while to get Bonnie settled and Emma wasn't surprised to see Regina dozing when she finally made it to the bedroom. "Do you want to just go to bed?"

"What? No." Regina snapped awake. “No.” She gently pulled Emma down on top of her. "It's Friday."

Emma had just slipped into Regina's stretchy yoga pants when Oliver started wailing, "Mommy! Can I have a glass of water?" Followed by Henry's cry of, "God, can't anyone be quiet in this house? I'm trying to sleep!"

This time Regina rose and went to tend to the boys.

When she came back she flopped back onto the bed, her lips finding Emma's again. She crawled on top of Emma, pressing heavily against her. It was warm and comfortable, the weight a welcome presence.

The next thing that Emma knew her alarm clock was going off.

"Crap!" She sat up and glanced at Regina who was cuddled under the blankets, snoring lightly. They had fallen asleep. Shit. She worried her lip anxiously. They were tired, she knew that. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before. She groaned a little and decided not to beat herself up about it. She had wanted to so much the night before. Well. Next week would be better.

She got up and began preparing for the day as usual, dressing Bonnie, making sure that Ollie was up. Henry was already awake, dressed in his soccer uniform and eating his cereal when his brother joined him.

"Ollie, go put on some thicker pants, okay? And no slippers today, the grass will be wet."

Oliver frowned, clearly debating if he wanted to throw a fit. She gave him a strong look and he just nodded, doing what he was told.

"Crap, there's still no coffee." Emma frowned as Regina entered the kitchen.

"Oh, that's right. Let's run by the store today and get a new pot."

"Um, yeah. Right. Okay." She caught Regina's arm as she started by her and whispered so the boys wouldn't hear. "I'm sorry about last night. I think I fell asleep."

Regina’s eyelashes fluttered a few times. Her opened her mouth but was interrupted by Henry.

"Moms, where are my shin guards?"

“In the laundry room. Emma, I-”

“No, they’re not. I looked.”

“Try looking again, Henry. Emma, I’m sor-”

“Moooooom!”

The women broke apart, Emma to help Henry and Regina to stop Ollie from spilling the jug of milk all over the table.

 

"Okay, okay, okay, is everyone ready?" Emma glanced over all of them a bit later and with a sigh, rubbed her face. "I can't wait to get a new coffee maker."

Regina yawned, making her point. "Why don't you take everyone to the school and I'll get us some coffee from Granny's? It shouldn't take long."

"That would be _great_. Thank you. Okay, everyone load up!"

"Okay, I'll see you in a minute."

Emma nodded and watched Regina get into her car and start off in the direction of Granny's...


	4. Chapter 4

**Regina**

"Good morning, Eugenia! How are you?" Regina nodded toward the long diner counter, trying not to drag her feet as she strode to the far end where the coffee pots sat behind the counter. Somewhere in her, she knew she should probably be concerned that neither she nor her wife could fully function without the aid of the caffeinated beverage but truthfully, focusing on _that_ would have taken too much energy. She just wanted a damn cup of coffee so she could drink it and move on to her _second_ cup of coffee.

“Regina!” Eugenia smiled and flopped the dish cloth she had been using on a glass over her shoulder. “I'm doing just fine. These old bones will be rattling around a while still. This is a surprise! We don't often see you in here this early. I’m sure it’s not just to see my shining face."

"Our coffee maker has quite unfortunately broken."

"Ahhh." Eugenia, the owner and 'Granny' of 'Granny's Diner' chuckled her deep and yet jolly laugh. "And I just bet there's no getting through the day without it, not with that brood that you have at home. Yes, I'm including that wife of yours in the mix."

Regina smirked a little. "There are times she is just as much one of the children as Henry or Bonnie."

Eugenia gave her a genuine smile as she wiped down the counter for Regina to sit. "I'll get you two cups. Biggest that we have."

"Thank you, Eugenia!"

There had been a time, during her three terms as mayor of Storybrooke, that she had not exactly been a well-loved woman. Her policies had been strict and her attitude had been unpleasant. She had been one of the youngest in office in Maine history and had thus felt the need to compensate in some way. She knew this, but it had been a few years now. It seemed as though the animosity that the town had once held for her had slowly been gathered and dumped on the new mayor. The entire town generally agreed that having children had 'softened' Regina. Regina thought it had been age and Emma.

Still, it was nice to see a smiling face instead of the general snarls she used to receive.

"How is that family of yours?"

"Oh, they are all doing well, thank you.” Regina brushed her hair back from her eyes as she thought. “Henry seems insistent on reaching six feet by his seventeenth birthday, Ollie is quiet and sweet as ever and Bonnie, well, is the exact opposite."

"It's not still that damned pacifier, is it?"

"No, but I do think the loss of her _binky_ , as Emma calls it, has pushed her into a case of separation anxiety."

“Ahhh, the stranger danger terrors." Granny nodded sagely.

"Unfortunately. I'm not sure how Emma is able to deal with it like she does."

The silver-haired woman sighed and placed two huge to-go cups on the counter. "It might not seem like it right now but it will pass. Ruby here had a bad case of it for a few months as well. Of course, she also had colic. She's just been difficult since day one."

Ruby, who had been leaning in close to a customer at the other end of the counter from Regina straightened and gave her granny a baleful look before disappearing into the kitchen in a flash of red streaked hair.

"Eugenia, is it?"

Regina was only paying enough attention to notice that the older woman's sweet face turned cold before she stood to attend to the other customer. Somewhere in the back of her mind this surprised her. You usually needed to do something to get on her bad side. Regina didn’t spare a glance for the interaction going on a bit away from her though; her mind was too occupied, trying to find the five dollar bill she was sure she had somewhere in her wallet.

"People around here call me Granny." Eugenia gruffed and began polishing the counter again.

"How sweet." The voice said slowly.

Ah-ha! She found the cash and plopped it on the counter. Ruby took it, eyeing the woman she had been speaking to and distractedly made change, dropping a few of the coins in the process.

"Thank you, Ruby." Regina nodded and tossed the change into her change purse.

"Yes, it is. Who would have thought that they would be as good as I remembered."

Something nagged at the back of Regina's mind as she absently grabbed the coffees, in a rush not to miss the beginning of the game. "Thank you, Eugenia. We'll see you tomorrow night."

Granny nodded briskly.

“Have a good day, Ruby.” Regina added, glancing up to see Ruby freeze, caught slinking back toward the customer.

As she did she threw a quick and disinterested glance at the customer who was so clearly on Eugena’s bad side. She did a quick double take and her feet froze to the spot.

It had been the hair that had caught her attention, that same golden blonde that deepened at the roots looking both like she needed a touch-up dye job and completely natural all at once. People had always envied her round full lips, high cheek bones, and smoky grey eyes but it had always been her hair that had pulled the most attention. She had seen more than one women run the blonde strands through their fingers with longing and ask her for the secret - to which she had always answered in her droll and yet angry monotone, "It's not a fucking dye job, god damn it."

Regina's jaw popped open in alarm, her heart skipping painfully as though someone had just surprised her around a sharp corner wearing a goblin mask.

The blonde sitting on the diner-high metal stool swiveled around, a smirk on her face. Regina just stared blankly as she leaned with her arm over the back of her chair, flipping her long hair so it hung in a smooth sheet behind her.

Regina hadn't realized she had dropped the coffees until a burning pain attacked the tops of her feet through her cloth shoes. "Ow! Crap! Oh, I'm sorry, Eugenia." Sometimes it amazed her how after this many years she sounded so much like Emma when she spoke.

"Well. Isn’t that quite the reaction." A single well curved eyebrow over those silver-grey eyes.

"That's all right, that's all right.” Eugenia was waving the dishtowel at her, making Regina’s already overloaded mind stutter. “We all have slippery fingers sometimes. Don’t slip now. Ruby, get in here, girl and clean up this mess."

Regina blinked dumbfounded at the woman she _never_ would have expected to see again. “Maleficent!" She breathed.

Her old college friend grinned, her eyes flashing. "Why, if it isn't Regina Mills."

"My god! Wha - what are you doing here?"

"Is that really the best greeting you can manage?"

“Err...” Regina's cheeks turned pink as she blushed, still she was too flabbergasted to look away. "I'm sorry, hi!” She shook her head, willing her mind to clear. “How are you? Wow! This is so unexpected." They hugged a quick familiar hug before tittering some almost awkward laughter together. "I can't believe it! Seriously, what are you doing here? This is so surprising! Did you come here to see me?"

Mal's eyebrow cocked in admission. Regina had forgotten for limber that eyebrow always was.

"I suppose a phone call would have been the proper thing to do, but I confess I think I lost your phone number a few sim cards ago. Never did get the hand of all of this _cloud_ bullshit. But yes, I thought I would look up an old friend as I," she walked her long fingers across the counter making Ruby behind it flush, "passed through."

Regina realized she was still staring. She hadn't seen Mal for... what... ten years? Had it really been so long? "You're here for me?" she asked again.

"Indeed, I am."

She grinned. "You're here for a visit?"

"Yes, _dear_ , I am here for a visit."

Finally sense broke through and to her pleasant surprise, excitement bubbled. "That's great!" She noticed that two more cups of coffee had at some point appeared in her hands and she awkwardly set one of the cups down to leaf out the cash to pay for these new ones. She held it out toward the counter, unaware if Eugenia took the cash or not.

"How long are you here?"

Regina was a good woman in a crisis because she was able to keep her head but this surprise, it had her... rattled.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure as of yet. I suppose only time will tell."

"Right. Well. I have a bit of a schedule conflict at the moment but - oh, you're not finished eating.” She glanced around, concerned. “Why don't you finish your breakfast and then come by the house? We can... catch up." Regina blinked, wondering how it was she could sound so idiotic. She blushed and shook her head at herself, humiliation starting to warm her stomach. "Sorry, I'm not usually this incoherent. I'm just surprised! It's so good to see you. My, it's been a long time!"

She needed to get the hell out of there.

Mal clicked her tongue in response.

"Okay. Uh. Right." She smiled, awkward. "So, yes. My place. 108 Mifflin, just up that street. It's the big white one."

"Okay." Mal winked.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Mal smirked and with that Regina had to go.

She turned and strode purposefully out of Granny's before she could babble anymore.

Maleficent? What in god’s name was Maleficent doing here?

She scowled into the cool morning air, torn between pure enthusiasm at the pleasant surprise and embarrassed shock.

 

She had met Maleficent... _Mal_ , as it had always been. She had met Mal her first year at Harvard. She had been an uptight newly gay _girl_ with mommy and daddy issues and Mal had been a bright and irresistibly charismatic party girl successfully on her way to dropping out despite the copious amounts of money her estranged father had funneled into the school. It had taken less than a month post their first appointment for them to fall into bed together - if you can call their first time together _'falling into bed'._ After that it had taken another two years to finally _successfully_ break up. They spent the remaining years they were at school together glaring from across rooms and fighting whenever forced into the same space, only to meet again post-graduation at a party. They then made up and became very close friends and occasionally - or not so occasionally, they became more than that for a weekend or two whenever they were bored throughout the next seven years. The trips were never planned, just impromptu I-need-to-get-away-for-a-bit kind of things and it was never guaranteed if they would spend the time as friends or as lovers.

It had become a habit with them. In fact, Regina had only put a stop to the trips when she realized a few short months after meeting that she had fallen deeply in love with her blonde detective and her very young son.

 

She twitched a little as she walked across the grass of the school field and toward her wife. Was she nervous or was she excited? Both? She didn’t know.

"There you are! I was getting worried." She watched Emma's eyes narrow as she approached. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing is wrong. I think perhaps I'm in a state of shock. You'll never guess who I ran into at Granny's."

"Who?"

"Maleficent."

 

She supposed it could be said that Mal had been something of a bad influence on Regina - or perhaps Regina had been a bad influence on Mal. She had just left the overbearing house of her parents and their... expectations and with Mal's help she had... _rebelled_. The years they had spent together had been in a haze of sex, drugs, thievery, parties, and general good times. It had been the most invigorating and the most abhorrently destructive time in her life. Regina had nearly been kicked out of school. It was also thanks to Maleficent that she had a small, nevertheless prominent, juvenile record; a fact which Regina had been forced to bribe the town's only reporter to keep out of print once her life had been cleaned up and yet it had been discovered. At the time, only a few years fresh from Mal, she had not thought twice about deeds such as an under the table deal with a reporter but that had been a very long time ago…

 

For a few heartbeats after the name, Emma's face remained blank, obviously trying to remember why that name sounded so familiar. Then they popped wide, her green eyes suddenly owlishly wide. " _Your ex_?" Emma all but shouted, making Regina jump and coffee to splash from the little mouth opening in the cups. " _Really_? What the hell is she doing here?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I think she was just passing through and decided to stop and say hello. We used to do that often when we were younger." Had she ever told Emma that? She was sure she must have.

What she wasn’t sure of was what the look on Emma's face meant so she shrugged and laughed, saying honestly meaning, "I'm not sure why she's here but I can't imagine it's for any reason other than to say hello to an old friend."

"You're right.” Emma blinked and whatever had been there on her face disappeared. “Sorry, I shouldn't be weird. We all have exes. I just never thought I would meet her! Where is she?" Emma craned her neck a little to see past Regina.

"She's just finishing a meal at Granny's. Do you think Henry will mind if I miss this game?"

"I doubt it."

"All right then, I'm going to go and meet Maleficent at the house."

"Right." Emma smiled and when Regina leaned down to set the cup of coffee in the grass Emma reached up kissed Regina's cheek. "We'll see you after the boys' haircuts."

"Okay. How is Bonnie? Should I take her?"

"Naw, I'm okay. Go catch up with your friend. Have fun!"

She nodded and started back toward her house.

Her insides couldn't land on how they were feeling. She was nervous. That much she knew.

Those stupid grey eyes had always done such strange things to her in the past, much in the way Emma's green ones did now.

She was also a bit embarrassed and it took her all the way back to her car before she could name why. She had been a very different person when Mal had last seen her. Would she still expect her to be the carefree party girl that she had helped to turn the young Regina into? She had been that girl for so long. She wasn’t even sure she knew that girl anymore.

She shook the thought off as she got in. What she did know that this would be fun. _She_ was still fun. Emma was fun. The kids were fun. She needed to stop being silly. It was just _Mal_! No big deal. And Emma was going to love her.

She pulled into the driveway a few minutes later and got out, feeling a pleasantly warm fervor.

This was going to be fun...really. Weird maybe - but fun, she continuously told herself.

Why did her stomach keep churning like it was?

She turned toward the ebony grey Jag that Mal was leaning against, releasing large puffs of cigarette smoke into the morning air and chuckled. She needn’t worry. It had been twenty-one years since they met and strangely enough, Regina could see each and every year in the woman before her. The last time she had seen her Mal's clothing tastes had consisted of fedoras, boots, jeans, and ratty t-shirts often with holes or random tears. She had been covered with tattoos and proudly sported a number of piercings. Mal had always embodied the perfect vision of young, hot and gay. This woman before her was very different. Her hair had grown long over the years, longer than she had ever seen it. It brushed the small of her back and was tastefully parted down the middle and pushed behind one ear. Her black dress was conservative but tastefully tight, her jacket polite and yet screaming of money, and crossing with ruching as it followed the curve of her waist before ending respectably enough at the knee. Her sunglasses were large, which had always been Mal's taste, but the earrings that dangled from her ears were tasteful hoops instead of the safety pins or metal spikes she had once worn. There was no splinter of metal anywhere else in her face and her shoes, which had always been a point of pride, were a politely classic black pump.

It was strange to see the marked passing of time so clearly in her old friend. It reminded her of just how old _she_ was getting as well.

You never saw it happening, she was reminded, not until your past shows up on your doorstep.

 

Mal's head turned toward her as she approached with a small grin. She reached up and slowly pulled her sunglasses off, shaking out her long hair. Slowly her huge grey eyes caught Regina's, burying themselves in her own just the way they had always done. "Hello, Regina."

Regina was hit with a sudden memory so strong that she paused her step, blinking rapidly.

 

_Twenty-One Years before_

_Chuckling, Eighteen-year-old Mal hopped up on the hood of the stolen car where Regina was already sprawled. "Yes well, that is the point, my darling. Why else would we be in this field in the middle of nowhere? You can't keep a stolen fucking car, that's like trying to keep a wild stallion chained up in a pen. You need to let it be free. When we're done we'll leave it here with the keys in it for the next person who can make use of it."_

_"I see." Regina nodded, taking her lesson to heart but also smiling a little. "And how do you propose we get back to the city?"_

_Mal's head rolled on window toward her, those grey eyes catching Regina's like a punch in the gut. "Hitch, Pollyanna. Tonight we hitch."_

_"Right." Regina let out a wheezy laugh, her mind scrambled. Both were still coming down from the party they had thrown in the back of a huge U-Haul the night before and, therefore, despite the fact that there was still a touch of smoky mauve misting through Mal's irises, they were entirely drained. Hitch it would be then. Regina cleared her throat, trying to calm her suddenly swimming head and caught on to the only thing that she could comment on without admitting that the idea of hitching a ride scared her. "You know, I'm not sure if you can still call me Pollyanna after that thing I let you do the other night in the coat check closet."_

_Mal's face split into a grin instantly at the memory, her eyes giving a throb of color and growing dark. "There's no need to be so embarrassed, dear. Everyone enjoys it in the ass every now and then."_

_The cool breeze blew across her cheeks, still Regina was suddenly stiflingly hot. "Oh. D- Does that mean you do too?"_

_Mal's eyes raked slowly up and back down Regina's body before she spoke, her words hitting the very center of Regina's young nerves. "No. But I sure do enjoy giving it."_

_Regina let out a long wobbly breath and clenched her knees, trying not to think about it, trying to force her body to stay calm when it was so easily wound by the girl next to her whether sober or otherwise._

_"There's no reason to be embarrassed for liking it."_

_"I'm not!" Regina spoke a little too quickly, barely allowing Mal to finish her sentence. "Plus, who said I liked it?"_

_At that, Mal let out a loud boisterous laugh. "I was there."_

_Regina's eyes flicked to her girlfriend...date...fuck buddy, she didn't know - they hadn't talked about it yet. "I know. But -"_

_"Oh no." Mal sat up, cutting her off. "You don't get to take it back now. Those were some of the best noises I've heard any woman make. No way."_

_Regina's lips slowly began to twitch as an idea blossomed in her mind. See, she wasn’t such a Pollyanna. "I don't know what you mean. I can't recall that being any better than the other couple of times we -"_

_"Liar!" Mal shrieked, pulling herself up to her knees and gesturing emphatically with her cigarette._

_"Nu-uh." Regina chuckled, enjoying the playful fire in Mal's eyes._

_"Take it back!"_

_"No!"_

_"Take it back!"_

_"NO!"_

_Mal flicked her cigarette into the field and attacked her, wrestling her backward. "Take it back, take it back!"_

_"You can't make me!" Regina shrieked and laughed, fighting but failing to keep the upper hand. Mal flipped her easily, pinning her to the hood of the car, her face pressed painfully hard against the cold glass of the windshield._

_"Take it back." Mal growled into her ear, the playful beat dropping as her voice became thick, all sex._

_"No."_

_"Take it back."_

_"No!" Regina's gasp blew out a puff of fog against the window as Mal's hand reached under her, unbuttoning her pants._

_"No?" Mal pressed her forehead against Regina's temple, her teeth digging into her own lip, and Regina could feel her begging to say no one more time. So she did._

_"No."_

_With a jerk, Regina's pants were around her knees. She gasped, her breath hot and fast in anxious anticipation. She felt Mal lean back, her hand closing around the lip of the hood beside the wipers to hold herself in place, her lips at her ear. "You don't want to admit it? Fine. I'm going to do it again. And I'm not going to let you cum until you do."_

 

Regina's Keds stumbled on the sidewalk and she stopped, blinking and flushing. She hadn't thought about that night in years. Internally, she swore.

She was not that girl anymore.

Mal's eyebrow popped up, questioning her pause and seeing that Regina let out a flustered laugh.

"Sorry, it's just so strange to see you again!"

Mal laughed and crossing the distance wrapped her arms around Regina's waist. "I thought I could use some laughs."

"Oh yeah?" Regina's eyebrow popped, the memory already fading from her. "Do you plan on stealing any cars or breaking in anywhere? I have to warn you, my wife used to be the town's sheriff."

Mal threw back her head, laughing cheerfully. "Really? You've got to be fucking kidding me. _You_ married a cop? My, my, we have changed, haven't we?"

Regina scoffed. "Yup" and with that, she opened the front door and invited Maleficent into her home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting out slow, but don't worry. We will get going soon.

**Regina**

This was a very strange sight, Regina suddenly realized. It was like watching two opposing worlds collide with a bang. Maleficent's black pumps clicked once... and then twice as she slowly stepped through the front door and onto the marble flooring of the foyer. She stopped there to look around, her hands rested casually on the curve of her hip, while Regina pulled off her comfortable jacket and hung it in the closet. Mal eyes were unreadable as she looked.

Regina, feeling all at once like she was on display, leaned against the doorframe of the living room passage watching Mal look over the room and all of the hanging pictures.

"Your wife, I assume?" She finally asked, pointing to a picture of Emma and Henry.

Regina nodded. "And our oldest son."

"Oldest?" Mal's hooded eyes shot to her in surprise. "Oldest of _how many_?"

"Three. Two boys and a girl."

"Myyy goodness." Mal turned on her, looking at her properly for the first time, taking her in with a long once over. "We have changed," she said for the second time. "Miss-I'll-never-get-married-nor-bring-kids-into-this-horrible-world is a married mother of _three_ now, huh?"

Regina’s shoulder rose and fell. "I grew up."

"Indeed, you did. Though that's not the only thing to change."

Regina’s cheeks flared as she realized that Mal was taking in her body.

In her former life, as Regina liked to think of it, she had been young and hot, always in designer wear - high heels, dresses, slacks, suits. Her body had been toned and strong, sleek and sensual. It had been her modus operandi. When she had been young she had the time to drive into Boston for new clothes and to workout constantly. She had... she had other ways to attain those things. Now her jeans - something she rarely wore before, two-child belly, and her coffee stained Keds were flat and plain. Her hair was fairly limp in her ponytail and her formerly makeup covered face was pale and simple. She knew what this person from her past was seeing and she didn't like how it felt. It itched at her like a humiliating fly. She was aware of the fact that she had 'let herself go' a bit. She had always planned on getting back to that part of herself when things settled down. The problem was things instead seemed to be growing more chaotic by the day. She had... she had come to terms with this new version of herself.

She changed the topic quickly, blinking a few times too quickly as she turned away. "Um, can I get you something to drink? Our coffee maker is broken, but we have milk... juice... tea?"

Without seeming to think twice, busy studying a picture of Emma in her Storybrooke police uniform, Mal waved her hand.

Regina let out a chagrinned tsk. "Right. So? Black?"

"Please."

"Why don't you take a seat in here. I'll be right back."

She did her best not to notice the messy state of the house as she went. The living floor was scattered with toys for both Bonnie and Ollie, surfaces with an occasional glass of this or that. She noticed a glass of milk up on the mantel and wondered how long it had been there. It couldn’t have been for long, right? The odds were Henry left it there when he was running out the door this morning.

She shook her head a little, unsure why she was thinking about this. They were good housekeepers, it was just that when you had kids you had to come to live with a different standard for clean and that bar lowered with each child. Gone where the days when her house was pristine and that was fine.

 She passed into the kitchen, not at all surprised to find a full pot of rich smelling coffee sitting in the now fully functional coffee maker.

"So how did you find me?" Regina asked the room at large, knowing that Mal had soundlessly followed her. She poured a cup and turning, handed it to her.

"Magic." Mal said, with a playful twinkle in her eye.

"Really, now?"

Mal's face cracked into a grin and sat unceremoniously at the kitchen table. Regina sat across from her, her legs crossing out of habit.

"Did you just get here this morning?"

"Actually, no."

"Oh? Who have you been with?"

Mal gasped in mock surprise.

"Uh huh. I know you. Who?"

"Well. If you must know. That charming little leggy brunette from the diner."

"Ruby? No!" Regina gasped. "I thought she was straight as a board. She's always throwing herself at David and well, I don't know, the other pretty blonds of Storybrooke."

"Spaghetti is straight too... until you get it wet and as you can see, dear, I am as blonde as they come."

Regina's laughter filled the kitchen. "So how many days have you been here then?"

"Two. Today is my third."

"You spent two days fucking Ruby Lucas?" Regina cried through her laughter.

"We all have needs."

Regina rolled her eyes. “Please tell me that you didn’t just use the spaghetti line.”

“Are we going to argue facts?”

“God, you don't look the same but you certainly sound the same."

" _I_ don't look the same!"

"Mmm." Regina mumbled, looking out of the window at the bright sky.

" _That_ and those grandma lace up shoes are another topic entirely that we will get to later." Regina felt herself go pale. "However, did you think I could just stay in my jeans and crop tops forever?"

"No, I suppose not. Though there was a time when I had begun to think that you would try. That last time in New York I could swear you looked gayer than ever. It was a personal record, I think."

"Yes well, ten years ago I was undecided about exactly what I wanted my life to look like."

"Are you still in New York then?"

"I am."

"Not in that same apartment, I hope." Regina cleared her throat and shifted in her seat.

"No, no, I couldn't stay there. I was beginning to feel like a damned goldfish with all of the people who watched me from across the street."

"Well, that is what happens when you decide clothing is optional for weeks at a time."

"Yes, well, now I live so many levels up that I have no neighbors to peek in at any of my... let’s call them trysts. Do you remember that time during your first visit where that guy knocked on the door?"

Regina snorted and got up to pour them another cup of coffee.

They had been a bottle of whiskey into their night already when an older gentleman and his very young girlfriend had knocked. He had informed them that they lived in the building across the street and had been watching their 'party'. He wanted to know if they could join. At that point in the night Regina and Mal had been fairly harmless, dancing in their underwear to blaring rock music and occasionally kissing with drunken ardor, inhaling brumes of purple and mauve back and forth between locked lips. Neither had lost their head and neither were naked, something that was a rarity if Regina were being honest with herself.

Regina and Mal had promptly stripped the old man down to his old man boxers, laughing and falling over one another, insisting that no one was allowed in their party fully clothed. Then they had taken his girlfriend for the night, stripped her and poured whiskey down her throat until she too was dancing. Eventually, the night had turned into a wild threesome on the stone floor of Mal's warehouse apartment, no one caring about the eyes of the old man as they bucked and sucked.

Regina had awoken the next morning sore and bruised but that had been nothing unusual. As a matter of fact, at that point anytime she woke without something bleeding or broken she considered to be a good night.

"Oh god." Regina took too large of a swig of her coffee. "I’m not discussing that.” She clicked her tongue, slowly lowering herself back into her seat, her thoughts far away. “That was the night you took me to that little gallery opening. Ah, to be young."

Mal made a rude, noncommittal sound.

"You seem to have slowed a bit."

Mal gave a snort. "Well, what can I say? Everyone needs to grow up sometime."

"I suppose you're right."

Mal pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her purse. "Do you mind?"

"No." She stood and started toward the patio doors behind them to let some air in, but before she could get there they flew wide of their own volition and the fan above her clicked on. She froze in place, her eyes slamming closed, heat working its way up from her stomach to her neck to her face as she realized what she had done. It was so second nature to her now. After all, it had been six years. She turned, knowing what would be on Mal's face and sure enough, there it was.

Mal sat gawking, the unlit cigarette hanging limply from her glossy pink lips. " _Have you given it up_?"

Regina scowled in reply.

"I mean, I always knew that your mother wanted you to, but I never thought you would!" She gasped, the cigarette falling to her lap. "You have! I can see it on your face. You've given it up! Oh! I knew you smelled different!"

"I didn't – I didn’t give it up, _exactly_.” Mal sat waiting and so she stumbled on. “Saying 'gave it up' implies forever. It's more that it's just... been... awhile."

Mal still stared, thunderstruck.

Regina sat again, eyes narrowing, back straightening in defense.

"It's been awhile?" Mal silver eyes were huge as she put the cigarette back to her lips.

"Shut up and smoke your cigarette." Regina snapped. She flicked her middle finger and the tip was suddenly glowing red.

For an instant, only an instant Regina's head swam like she had been drinking for twenty-four hours straight. But as sudden as it had come, it was gone before she could really focus on it.

"Speaking of your mother," she heard Mal ask, "how is she?"

"Dead." Regina said bluntly, her swimming head making her seem a bit more callous than she felt.

"Oh... well. Ding dong." Mal was still staring curiously, puffing smoke. Her mouth opened to speak, she seemed to second guess whatever it was she was going to say and instead her features softened as she said, “Tell me about these children and this wife of yours."

So they talked. They sat with their cups of coffee and chatted like the old days for a long while. They had covered work and family when the front door finally swung open.

Regina jumped in her seat, having forgotten to pay attention to the time. She looked up at the cloud of cigarette smoke above her and frowned.

Mal, however, just waved her hands once and the ashtray, the cigarette butts, and all of the smoke in the air disappeared, leaving the home smelling clean and warm.

"Mmm, thanks for that."

"You and I have to discuss this, Regina. _That_ was the first working I taught you. I can't believe this! I won't accept it!"

Regina ignored her as Henry came into the room, Oliver swinging off his back. "Hello, sweetheart. How was the game?"

He grinned, boyish and huge. "Seven to one, we creamed them!"

“You did? You were a good sport, right?”

“Come on, like Ma would let me not be.”

She laughed and gave him a high five as Oliver climbed into her lap. "What?" she cried into his giggling face. "This does not look like a haircut! What happened, Mister?"

"Someone decided he wanted his hair long like mine. They only gave him a trim." Emma answered, just appearing in the living room with a sleeping Bonnie on her shoulder.

"Only a trim?" Regina asked him and tickled his ribs. He squealed and nodded. "You're going to look like a homeless boy by next week!"

"Nu-uh!"

Henry kicked off his shoes and took a seat at the table.

"Henry, this is my friend, Mal. Mal, this is Henry, our oldest, Oliver, Bonnie, and this is my wife, Emma."

Emma had been subtly scrutinizing Mal from the doorway but at her name finally came inside, placed Bonnie in the Pack ‘n Play and came over to shake her hand. "I've heard so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you."

"Uh oh." Mal smiled a huge toothy grin. "That surprises me! Only good things I hope."

Emma gave a knowing chuckle and clicked her tongue once.

"Wait, how come I haven't heard of you?" Henry asked looking between them.

"You haven't? That _doesn't_ surprise me. I was your mother's partner in crime for all of the things she hasn't told you about yet. " Mal teased Henry. The adults in the room laughed while Henry looked mildly annoyed.

"I'm going to put Bonnie upstairs. Is that coffee I smell?"

"Yup. Mal fixed the coffee maker." She turned back to her guest who was getting nailed with questions from her oldest son.

"So you went to college together?"

"That's right."

"What was she like?" Henry grinned.

"Oh no." Regina shook her head, pushing Henry to his feet. "None of that. We will not be reminiscing about my eighteen-year-old self this afternoon. Upstairs. Chores. You too, sweet pea."

"We'll talk later, Henry!" Mal called. "I'll dish on all of the secrets!"

Oliver frowned at his mother but got up and touched Mal's hair with reverence. "Your hair is pretty."

"Thank you, Oliver. I like yours too. I'm glad you didn't cut it," she whispered confidentially.

He beamed and skipped after his brother to clean his room.

The moment she sat back down Mal began again as though they had been in the middle of a conversation. "Is it because Emma doesn't have it?"

Regina chuckled darkly. "Oh no, Emma has it. _Trust me_. She might even be stronger than _you_!" She sarcastically gasped as though such a thing could never happen.

"Then why?” Mal insisted, not laughing in the slightest bit. “Why would you do that to yourself? I've gone without it before. It's so uncomfortable."

Regina sighed, her eyes drifting back to the window. "You know why, Mal, don't act like you don't."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more quick thought. This story has been up and completed for a while now but that doesn't mean that I don't like to hear what you guys are thinking along the way. Honestly, I think that's what I miss most once a story is done posting. And while this story has always brought a lot of drama, it's also kind of my baby.  
> So, take a minute as you go through and let me know your thoughts.  
> Thanks again for being here.  
> I'm ioliviajanae on Tumblr if you have any questions.


	6. Chapter 6

**Emma**

* * *

What she didn't like, Emma decided on her way back down the stairs, was how much Mal looked like Regina used to. That was what it was, as hard as it had been to place.

Her hair seemed a little too perfectly smooth, her dress just tight enough to be flattering and even exciting to someone who was interested but loose enough to be proper, as had always been Regina’s style. Her pea coat hung over the back of her chair, letting Emma know that they had recently been hidden, however, what she could see of her shoulders and biceps were a swirl of color. Soft pink and white lilies bloomed over one shoulder, leading into a pale patchwork of designs down into the crook of her elbow while the other arm stood out strong and proud in deep purples of every shade. Despite the tattoos though, her arms and legs were long and pale, her jewelry conservative, perfect makeup, and her nails were long and precisely manicured. It was as though she had taken care over every inch of herself meticulously and the whole look screamed of the world of old money and Ivy League schools - a world that Emma was not from. Of course, Emma had been forced to get over the, well, intimidation that the regality that had oozed from Regina when they first met. She would never have been able to be with her if she hadn't. As a matter of fact, she had eventually taken specific pleasure in mussing that image up, it couldn’t be helped. It was like seeing Legos or a Jenga tower piles high, it screamed for someone to come and knock it over.

Still, seeing this new blonde woman - the woman she had heard so many outlandish stories about, that intimidation came back in waves.

Not that Emma _should_ feel intimidated. She had been around the block once or twice herself. It wasn't only Regina with a secret criminal record or a past that the town and their children did not know about. To this day, Henry didn't know that he had been a few days away from being born in jail. She had been a troubled teen just as much as Regina had, but _she_ had never thrown month-long parties nor gone swimming naked in the ocean…. and she had never willingly or unwillingly lost control. Not in that way.

It also didn't help that - when you got right down to it - Maleficent, the ex of legend, was hot. Really hot. Like - _hot_... hot. In a tasteful and elegant kind of way. She was clearly refined. She was clearly well manicured. But she was _hot_. There was something about her that dripped sex and it... Emma didn’t like it.

Emma, in her cheap sneakers and comfortable hoodie, could have easily become uncomfortable - if she let herself.

But that was silly, right? It was she that Regina had married.

She refused to be intimidated.

Emma stepped off the last stair and started toward the kitchen, hearing the women talking in low voices.

Brown and grey eyes turned on her as she entered and she gave them a small smile, pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting down beside her wife with a soft squeeze of her shoulder.

"Are they cleaning their rooms?" Regina asked.

"Yup. Or at least they are both pretending to. I told Henry he was locked in there until he finished. He still hasn't asked about Luke."

Regina chuckled, both knowing he would. Emma had a strange ability to know their children. "What time is Ollie's sleepover?"

"Five. I'll drop him, though."

Regina gave her a warm smile that Emma returned.

Emma turned and found Mal watching them with a strange look on her face.

"What?" Regina asked, awkwardly.

"You've turned into the goddamn Brady Bunch. What the hell happened to you?"

Annoyance flared in Emma's chest. She knew it wasn't fair, she knew Mal was only referring to how different Regina was now versus ten or twenty years ago, but she didn't like it and hand falling possessively to Regina’s knee, she answered for her. "We had kids."

Regina laughed and clinked mugs with Emma. "Pretty much." Mal's eyebrows stayed high which only made Regina laugh harder. "You'll see, Mal. One day, you'll see."

 

* * *

 

 

If Emma had been sure at the moment of coming down the stairs that she didn't like Mal then an hour later her mind had been completely and totally changed.

It was impossible not to like Mal. She was funny. She was charming. The three sat in the kitchen, the conversation never ending, laughing and snorting. Though Emma had just met Mal it was as though they were old friends, giggling and talking as if she had just as much history with Mal as Regina had.

When Henry came down, insisting that he was done with his room, Regina was the one to go upstairs and check it.

Emma and Mal headed to the small patio table so Mal could have a cigarette away from the kids lungs.

She lit it and blew a great torrent of smoke from her nose. "Damn.” She shivered and wrapped her jacket around her tighter. “I had been hoping to escape the cold when I came but I think it's colder here than in New York!"

"Probably! That’s Maine for you. It’s either far hotter than everywhere else or it’s hell frozen over. Here." Emma got up to turn on the outside heater that lived on the patio, but Mal shivered again and flicked a finger. Suddenly the heater was roaring, fully warmed up and blasting heat across them.

Emma chuckled. She supposed she could have done that. "So is there anything that you would like to do while you're here, Mal?"

"Oh you know. Theatre, perhaps the ballet. Oh and I'd also like to try some of the five-star restaurants in town."

Emma snorted. "Ya, I suppose there isn't a lot to do here, is there?"

"Well, I don't know. But I assumed that thrilling entertainment was probably lacking in a town this small. Of course, I could be wrong."

Her words felt heavy, as if Mal was hinting at something. She wasn’t sure what it was, and wasn’t all of that bothered to find out. Mal would explain if she wanted a solid answer. Emma sighed. "No, not really. There's only one bar, The Rabbit hole. That's pretty much the only place to go if you are looking to go out, unless you just want a chill beer at Granny's. It took me a while to get used to when I came here from Boston."

"Oh? You lived in Boston?"

"All of my life."

"What brought you here?"

Emma shrugged, but like a movie in her head she began to remember that day.

 

_Nine Years Before _

 

_"I don't want to do this anymore, Emma."_

_Emma sat up straight, alarmed. For a fleeting moment she wondered if after a sentence like that she should care that the blanket fell from her and she was exposed. This was Regina. Why the hell would she care? The woman had literally dragged her tongue across every inch of her not an hour before. "Okay. And what exactly does that mean?"_

_Regina was pacing, the muted sun through the curtain catching the skin of her naked body and making it glow in the afternoon light. Emma had assumed that Regina's pacing had meant she was simply going to cancel her next trip into the city or perhaps tell her that she needed to start bringing Henry up to Storybrooke more. She hadn’t expected... What did that mean?_

_"It means exactly what I said. I don't want to do this anymore."_

_Panic rose in her suddenly tight chest, her fists balled in the sheets and she felt a suddenly metallic taste in her mouth but she swallowed it all down... barely. "You don't want to be with me anymore?"_

_How could this be happening? These last few months had been amazing, like something from someone else's life. Regina was beautiful, she was smart, she was the best with Henry, who adored her._

_Regina stopped moving, her face mournful. "No, baby, no. That's not what I mean."_

_Emma scooted to the edge of the bed and pulled Regina to her, burying her face in her stomach, kissing and nipping at her skin, just to have some contact with her. She took a deep breath and let her face settle against the hollow of Regina’s belly button. "Then?"_

_Regina sighed. "Ugh, Emma." Both of Regina's hands tangled in her hair, pulling her even closer to her._

_Emma rubbed her face back and forth, hoping that the tears would absorb into her skin before Regina could notice them. She couldn't lose her. She just couldn't. Henry couldn't. "What?"_

_Regina pushed her backward so she could climb on top of her, resting her face comfortably in her neck. "I just - I can't do this anymore. I can't live my life missing you two. Seeing you once a month isn't enough, not anymore - I feel too - I - I love you both too much for that now. I can't. I need to either end it or..."_

_Emma's heart was hammering as she softly caressed Regina's hair and back. Had she just said she loved them? She was sure that Regina had never said that before._

_"I don't know, Emma, but these afternoons and weekend visits are not enough anymore."_

_"So what do you want to do?"_

_Regina took a deep breath and leaned against her arm, her face hovering above Emma's. She took a deep shuddering breath and then said it all in a rush as though she were afraid that if she did it slowly the words would never make it out. "I want you to move to Storybrooke. I want you and Henry to move there and be with me. I know, I know, it's not fair to uproot Henry, but I can't move, I'm the mayor for Christ sake. I know it's a lot but-"_

_Emma kissed her._

_"What does that mean?"_

_Emma kissed her again, giggling behind her lips._

_Regina's face began to glow, her intensely focused eyes studying Emma. "Does that mean?"_

_Emma rolled them so she was atop Regina. "You want us to move to be with you?"_

_Regina's smile, the most beautiful grin that Emma had ever seen, spread wide across her face. "Yes. I do._ "

 

Emma knew that Mal was studying her secret smile, but she didn't mind. "Regina. I moved for Regina."

"Ah." Mal nodded. Clearly this explained everything to her.

Regina reappeared at the patio door.

"How long have you two crazy kids been together then? It must be a while."

"Together for ten, married for eight," Emma said with a grin for her wife. She leaned up and gave Regina a sweet kiss, enjoying the smile that Regina gave her in return.

"Ten years, huh?"

Emma looked up, her smile fading. There was something in Mal's voice, something suddenly hard and icy sharp. She looked to Regina, confused  and saw that Regina was looking at Mal with guilt.

“Wha-” She started but Maleficent cut over her.

Mal took another drag, long a deep, breathing it out as though the fire inside of her had grown too hot. "I see. So that's why the visits stopped."

Emma looked between them, uncomfortable.

Finally, Regina sighed and settled into the chair beside Emma. "It was _time_."

Mal took a deep pull of her cigarette and smashed it in the ashtray looking fierce and yet surprisingly hurt.

She was just about to ask if everything was okay when Henry bellowed from the top of the stairs. "Ma! Can I go over to Luke's?"

Emma laughed, eyeing Regina with her ‘I told you so’ look.

Regina just shook her head. "When you're right, you're right."

"Which one of us are you talking to?" Emma yelled back, enjoying a moment of teasing.

"Uh... whichever one will let me go?"

Both Emma and Regina laughed, "What do you think, babe?"

"What are they trying to see?"

"I _think_ it's some slasher movie."

"Well, I suppose I don't mind if you don't. He's old enough that he can give himself nightmares if he likes."

Mal laughed to herself, taking another long drag of a fresh cigarette and muttering something Emma didn't catch.

"Uh yeah, so, I guess I'll take him to Luke's then I'll come back and get Ollie ready."

Regina made to get up, "I can get Oll-"

"It's okay. You have company." Emma winked, the weirdness from the moment before not entirely forgotten. "Should we do something for dinner, ladies?"

Mal sat up straight, a wicked gleam in her eye. "Why don't you let me cook?"

Regina started to snicker before Emma could respond.

"Oh Regina, even you have to admit that I was a good cook when I cared to be."

"Oh, I'm sure!" Regina cried, still snorting.

Mal rolled her eyes, focusing on Emma with that ever so limber eyebrow up. "I'm an excellent cook."

"Uh, sure Mal." Emma smiled and shoved her wife who was still laughing under her breath. "Rude! Do you need some help at the store or anything?"

"Oh no, this town is small. I'm sure I'll find it. Actually." Mal looked at her watch. "Speaking of which. I lost track of the time. I better get back to the hotel. Ruby will be on break in a few minutes." She said with a waggle of her eyebrows.

Ruby? It took a second for the name to dawn on her. Not her friend Ruby!

"Should we plan for me to come back around eight tonight?"

It was late for them, they usually ate earlier because of the kids but hey, both of the older kids would be out of the house tonight. She and Regina nodded in tandem.

Mal's eyes flashed between them. "Sounds good. See you then."

And with that Maleficent disappeared in a gust of mauve smoke.

Her exit should have startled her. It was something she hadn’t been anyone do in years. But the shock of the Ruby revelation overpowered that. "Ruby!" Emma asked in a hoarse whisper the moment she was gone. "Boy crazy, Ruby?" Regina threw back her head and laughed as if she had been holding it in for hours. Emma joined her, " _Really_?"

"That's Mal for you, though. She has one in every port and whether they have a taste for women or not, she gets what she wants.” Regina reached forward, her head shaking a little and picked up the suddenly sparklingly clean ashtray. “Always has."


	7. Chapter 7

**Emma**

"No! You're kidding! Nooo!" Mary-Margaret gasped, her jaw on the floor. "Regina's ex? Not the one you told me about?"

"Yup, that's the one!"

"No!" Emma's best friend squealed in a high-pitched voice, making the kids around them shoot uncertain glances in their direction. "I'm sorry, no, you're okay. Go play, sweetie." When her blond haired five-year-old had successfully teetered his way over to the other children Mary-Margaret leaned in close. "Really?" She whispered.

"Yup."

" _Why_?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. I think she was just in the area. Regina told me once that sometimes when they were fed up with their life they would just kind of... appear on the others doorstep for a little vacation. Maybe that's it."

Mary-Margaret's doe eyes were wide as if she wasn't sure that was a good reason to visit or not. "But that was over ten years ago, right? Would she really just show up after so long?"

Emma chuckled, eyeing the group of girls surrounding Ollie nervously. Was he already telling them about his nightie? "Well, she did."

“Oh! I’d kill David if his ex showed up like that.”

“Yeah, well...” Emma wasn’t sure exactly what to say to that.

"So... what’s she like? I always pictured her with crazy eyes and a bunch of tattoos and piercings."

"Nah. This chic is a walking Saks ad. I mean, she has the tattoos, but I think they're a throwback."

"Reeeally." Mary-Margaret breathed, fascinated as though they had together found a rare breed of bird. "So you like her then?"

"I mean, I'm not sure, I guess. She seems really nice. I like her. She's definitely funny and charismatic. I was all prepared to hate her and then, I don't know, she made me a laugh a bunch. She's cooking for us tonight."

"Is she here for Regina?"

Emma’s mouth opened and got stuck. What did that mean exactly? Like _here for her_ kind of here for her? "No! Not in the way that you mean." Emma laughed. "It's not like Regina is up for grabs or anything." Mary-Margaret rolled her eyes and shoved her in her tiny but playful way. "Besides, she is sleeping with Ruby."

"Really?"

This conversation seemed to be shocking Mary-Margaret in ways that she had never been shocked before. She wasn’t sure if her eyes could get any larger.

"Ruby's gay now? Oh, thank god, maybe now she'll stop throwing those _legs_ at my husband."

"I don't know if she's gay now or -"

"Moooommy." Oliver tapped her on the arm.

"What's up, sweet pea?"

"You can go. I'm okay."

For a moment, all that Emma could do was laugh. She had been stalling, she knew that. She had been watching from the corner of her eye, waiting to see how the unknown children would take to him and her son had known it. Emma dropped to her knees and wrapped him in a bear hug. "How did you get to be so smart? Huh? You never eat your vegetables. That brain of yours should be mush!" She teasingly knocked on the side of his head, making him giggle.

"Becaaause! I take after Mommy."

"Ouch!"

He grinned and threw his arms around her in one last embrace.

"Okay, go have fun. Call me if you need me, sweetie." For a moment, Emma's heart filled with a warm and yet deep sadness. He was growing up so quickly.

“Come on, Mom, he’ll be fine.” Mary-Margaret pulled on her arm.

“Okay, okay.”

Emma and Mary-Margaret walked out together but hovered at Emma's car.

"She's cooking for you tonight, huh?"

"Yup. I mean, it's funny because you can tell she doesn't get our lifestyle at all, but she seems willing to try."

"I guess that's all you can ask for."

 

Regina was in her office doing some paperwork when she got back, as she so often was. Bonnie was in her Pack ‘n Play in front of the desk, shrieking and hitting her favorite mirror toy with glee.

Emma paused as she was passing the door.

"Is everything alright?" Regina asked without looking up.

"Yeah, uh, yeah, I'm fine. I think the sleepover will be fine too. Ollie seemed happy to be there."

"That's great. I told you there was nothing to worry about." Regina nodded over the papers, a pen in her hand and with a puff of air she blew her hair out of her eyes. Emma smiled a little at the cuteness of the subconscious gesture.

Emma nodded but hesitated a second longer before stepping into the office. She wasn't sure why, but suddenly and without warning she - missed - her wife. This happened on occasion. She saw her every day and yet - she missed her. What did that mean? She never knew.

She wanted her to put her paperwork down and spend some time with her. She wanted to _make_ Regina put her paperwork down and make love to her. She wanted to touch her and feel her against her. She wanted to connect and laugh and…

She shook her head, unsure of herself. But... it wasn't Friday. The Friday night thing had come about because it seemed to be the only time that they weren't busy. Henry was usually out of the house. The weekend work that Regina needed to do was light, the majority usually put off until Saturday or Sunday evening. There was _time_ then. She wandered over, standing beside her as she thought.

Regina looked up at her curiously and absently scratched her stomach with affection then when Emma didn't turn away, she looked up again.

"Sorry, thinking. Hey." Emma blushed lightly, something that honestly surprised her. Why was she suddenly feeling... shy? Why did this always happen?

"Hmm?" Regina's eyes had found her paperwork again. Emma nudged her with her knee and Regina smiled up at her, amused.

Regina's beautiful face tilted up and Emma caught her in a kiss.

It wasn't the type of kiss they normally shared, quick and light. Emma lingered, parting Regina's lips and slowly letting herself taste her wife. Emma heard Regina's startled intake of breath and felt Regina's willing tongue respond. Their lips bumped and caressed and Emma was pleased, if not surprised, when a small gasp fell from Regina.

When Emma pulled away her breath was skittering in her lungs, whistling ever so slightly and Regina looked astounded her eyes dark, her chest rising and falling quickly.

Emma smiled and enjoyed the disoriented smile that Regina gave her in return.

The sudden desire Emma had felt was not gone, but a small part of it was satisfied.

She turned to go, but Regina caught the front of her sweater with a sure hand. "I have to get this paperwork done within the hour but hold on to that thought, please. The children are gone tonight."

A larger part of Emma's desire mewed happily hopeful as she went to do a batch of laundry.

 

Maleficent showed up on the doorstep at exactly 7:58 pm, carrying two bags and a wine tote.

She strode in when Emma opened the door, clicking her way across the floor and toward the kitchen with purpose.

"How was your afternoon?" Emma asked, teasing.

Mal shook out her hair and gave her a wolfish grin. "Satisfactory."

Regina emerged from the office rolling her eyes.

"Wine?" Mal asked, already uncorking a bottle.

"Oh, yes please." Regina all but skipped over, looking excited. "Mal has an excellent nose for wine."

Emma took the glass that Mal handed and sipped it, pleased with the flavor, but she wasn't really a good critic. Everything she had learned about wine she had learned from Regina, who had apparently learned from Mal.

Regina, however, moaned into her glass. “You found this here?”

Mal scoffed. “ _Please_.”

 

Regina and Emma went about their usual nightly routine, bathing Bonnie, feeding her, and getting her ready for bed. The only difference was that tonight someone was cooking and continuously refilling their wine glasses as they did it.

They put Bonnie down and then sat together cringing and waiting while Bonnie screamed like a mad woman, fighting sleep as she did every night.

"She's so tired." Regina groaned, running her hands through her hair. "Why won't she just let herself go to sleep?"

They took turns checking on her for a while. Finally, just as the food was plated the girl slipped into sleep and Regina and Emma could relax.

"You go through that every night?" Mal asked as she took her first bite.

We hope it will be a quick phase."

"I see. You know, I always knew being a parent was hard, but I never realized the full extent of it."

"Well, I know _you_ never wanted kids Mal, but it is rewarding."

"And hilarious. Like, this one time-" both of the mothers went into tales of their children, amusing stories of diaper issues, the funny things that were said, how people often reacted.

Mal laughed along with them, sipping her wine and seeming interested, for the most part. "I believe it is a worthy lifestyle, I do. But can you get on a yacht and lay naked in the sun for two days with a child waiting at home for you?"

Regina laughed, color rushing to her cheeks.

"Uh oh. Do I want to know?" Emma asked, taking another long drink. She had always thought she knew most of Regina's stories, but meeting Mal now she wondered if she really knew the half of it.

"Totally innocent." Mal promised, waving her hand.

"Mal," Regina began to explain between halting laughs, "meets these couple of drag queens one of the times I visited her in New York at this little club in a very questionable part of town. Of course, Maleficent being, well, Maleficent, they hit it off so the couple invites us to the Hamptons to spend a few days on their yacht."

"And we're stupid and young," Mal supplied, "so we go."

"Right. We get there to find that this couple and all of their staff are-"

"Fucking nudists!" Mal bursts, laughing.

"What?" Emma grinned.

"So I just kind of laugh and turn to leave when this one," Regina jerked her head at Mal, "strips down to nothing like it's no big deal."

"Wait. You're kidding."

"Not at all."

“When in Rome.” Mal tipped her glass to no one and took a drink. "You can only imagine it, I'm sure. After finally convincing Regina not to be the only one wearing clothes all weekend, we lay out on the deck to wait for our hosts and here come these two huge drag queens, in full makeup, headdresses and absolutely _nothing_ else."

By now the entire table is hooting, wiping their eyes and holding their sides.

“These big hairy bear or men-” Regina began and then stopped herself with a shudder. "Do you still talk to them?" Regina suddenly asked.

"We go on a naked cruise every year."

Emma's forehead hit the table, too busy laughing to keep it up. Clearly she didn’t know all of Regina’s stories and she was glad. "Wait, wait, I want another."

So over the next bottle and a half of wine Emma heard about the time they broke into the Dean's office, the time they hosed down Regina's roommate's car in the dead of winter so that the whole thing would freeze over, the time they stayed with a homeless man in a tree for a day, the time they lost their car after a party. In between Emma littered in her own stories of running from the police, tales of the crazy homeless woman who lived down the alley from her as a homeless teenager, and the crazy things she and her exes have done.

Eventually, Emma teetered to her feet picking up her plate and those around her. "Ugh, god. I can't remember the last time that I've had this much to drink!"

Regina snorted into her wine glass. "Well, there was that night at The Rabbit Hole."

"Oh! Right. God, when was that? Last year?" She gestured for Mal's plate, but suddenly the plates disappeared from her hand and reappeared, sparkling clean in the drain board, the kitchen spotless as though Emma had just taken a scrub brush to it.

"Right!" Emma giggled and flopped back down into her chair. “Right. God, that’s convenient.” She had forgotten just how handy it was.

Regina cleared her throat thickly.

"So. Emma. Regina tells me you have it. Quite a lot of it, in fact."

Emma laughed a little drunkenly and flexed her fingers, pushing out her intent, and their empty wine glasses were full again. Emma scowled and shook her head like a dog trying to get rid of excess water on it as her skin flushed, crawling, and aching. She shuddered.

"So then..." Mal stared intently, confused. “I... I don’t...” Instead of continuing she stood, looking far more statuesquely steady than Emma currently felt with all of the wine in her. "I, um, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the ladies room."

Mal disappeared.

Emma picked up her glass and clinked it with Regina's. "How much do you think we will regret this wine tomorrow morning?"

"Tomorrow?" Regina chuckled, her hand falling onto Emma's thigh. "I already regret it tomorrow!"

Clicking heels approached behind them far sooner than Emma would have imagined and suddenly Mal was behind Regina, her hands resting lightly on her shoulders. "Can I get you anything else?"

Regina smiled, seeming oblivious to the touch. "Are you offering me things in my own home?"

"Just trying to be a good hostess." Mal did a fake curtsy, her palms slowly rubbing up and down Regina's arms.

Regina didn't seem to notice and it made Emma wonder if it was the wine or if she was so used to this woman's hands on her that she didn't even think twice about it.

She didn't like that.

Emma watched Mal's palms track back up from her wife's elbows as she and Regina teased one another about something, Emma wasn’t listening enough to know. They moved over her shoulders, onto her neck and into the underside of Regina's hair. The touch seemed so natural, like a woman being affectionate with her sister. Still, Emma wondered if she should be jealous. She took a gulp of her wine. No, there was no need to be jealous. She had already decided this. _She won._ Emma got the ring. Emma got the girl and the life and the family. Still...

Mal turned to her, pulling her from her thoughts with a jerk. "And what about you, Emma? Do you want dessert? I could whip something up in an instant." Mal's huge grey eyes winked and Emma was shocked to feel Mal push her hair back, a finger quickly sliding down the side of Emma's neck as she did it.

Emma blushed seeing that Regina had not missed the touch just as Emma had not missed the touch when it had been her wife on the receiving end. "God no, I'm so full."

Mal shrugged and took her seat again.

What the hell had that been? Emma had heard the stories before, Mal getting into trouble because her touchy-feely ways had made an angry man lose his girlfriend to her - Mal sweetly caressing the arm of the produce boy at the store and getting a devoted puppy that she had never intended to have.

Maybe - that was just Mal. Mal: The Nonstop Flirt.

It had kind of felt like... but no.

"You know what I don't know?" Emma croaked, pulling herself from her thoughts quickly before she could really dive anywhere near _that_.

"What don't you know, Emma, dear?" Mal's lazy grey eyes slid from Regina to her.

"I don't actually know how you tow became friends." Emma frowned. "How is that possible?"

Mal began to laugh, but Regina, who had been so bright and full of smiles until a moment before, all at once turned a strange gray color.

"Oh no. Let's not discuss that." Regina waved her hand.

"Well." Mal began, leaning forward with relish and completely ignoring Regina's protest.

"Oh no." Regina interrupted. "No. This story doesn’t need to be told.”

“I think it does, though.” Mal teasingly argued.

Emma’s eyebrows drew together, concerned.

“All right.” Regina’s full lips pursed. “ _If_ this story is to be told then please, allow me.”

“All right.” Mal sat back in her seat all at once.

“Maleficent was failing out of school so badly that _I_ , a freshman of the same age, began to tutor her."

"To be fair, I wasn't failing because I didn't understand the material. I just had other... _priorities_."

"Wait, you were her tutor? How did I not know this?"

"Indeed, she was."

"How the hell, then, did you get from there to... you know? Aren't there rules against that or something?"

"Well." Regina looked uncomfortable so Mal jumped in.

"I invited her to a party and oh, what a party it was."

"What? Why?" Perhaps the wine was working a bit too heavily on Emma's brain now because she wasn't getting it.

"You don't want to know." Regina promised.

"I don't?"

"She might!" Mal said with a wink.

"Let's just say -" Regina said through squinted eyes, "that the night turned very colorful."

"Ooooooh." Comprehension finally hit Emma's merlot soaked brain and she scowled.

A deep scarlet blush began to creep up Regina's neck, over her throat, onto her cheeks, forehead, and ears.

Both Emma and Mal snapped to attention. "Uh oh!" Emma laughed. She and Mal exchanged a knowing look. "Out with it!"

Mal bounced her cigarette on the table and lit it. "Yes dear, we see the confession building in your eyes."

"What? No!" Regina cried in protest, but the blush only grew darker.

Mal sat back, her arms folding in challenge and Emma could _see_ the years there, the years of this exact move being all that was needed to force something from her wife. Her good humor thinned.

"Oh god. Well." Regina coyly played with the edge of her wine glass "There is something I never told you about that night, an insignificant detail, if you will."

And then Emma knew what it was.

Regina _had_ told her this before.

As a matter of fact, they had spent many hours discussing how this fact shaped the next years of Regina's life. The foursome. Her first taste of the pill. Her first near arrest. The tree she had uprooted in her animalist fury.

Emma had been wrong, she knew all about it, though perhaps she hadn’t known or hadn’t remembered the exact role it had to play in the development of she and Mal's... relationship.

"What, my dear? The suspense is killing me." Mal teased, her eyes flamboyantly rolling.

Emma frowned and that frown quickly cracked into a scowl. Without any cause or reason, she didn't want Regina to tell this secret. She didn’t know why, but suddenly she didn't want Mal to know. Her hand moved of its own accord to stop Regina but before she could Regina spoke.

"I never told you, Mal, not in all the years that we have known one another, but _that night_ was actually my first time."

The room went completely silent, Emma cringed, her hand balling and falling back into her own lap.

Maleficent’s face went blank.

Suddenly the wine and the food wasn't sitting well in her stomach. Emma’s rubbed her belly and burped a sickly sour burp.

The room felt heavy, all at once too much and Emma wished their guest would go back to her room.

Then Mal exploded.

"What?" That strange enigmatic confidence that Mal always radiated dropped away like a dead weight, leaving Mal to simply look shocked and all at once very human.

Regina smiled a soft, embarrassed smile. "It was."

Mal's stunned face turned to Emma, looking for confirmation. "Really?"

"Uh yeah.” Emma picked at the corner of her napkin. “She told me a long time ago."

Mal stared blank faced at Emma for a long moment before she disappeared and reappeared at Regina's side in a swirl of mauve.

Mal clutched Regina's hand making Regina laugh boisterously, seeming surprised by Mal’s intensity. "You're kidding, right?"

"No. I was... innocent before, well before that night. Pollyanna didn't describe the half of it. I was very well trained by my parents before I became a disappointment. Not that I was ever anything else." She added, tartly.

Mal's hand slowly rubbed up and down Regina's arm as she sat lost in thought. "I can't fucking believe it. I can’t-” Then Mal's look changed. She kept Regina's hand in hers but leaned back in the chair, her legs crossing. The confidence she usually radiated was back, tenfold as her fingers played over Regina's palm. "So, I took your virginity."

Emma scowled. She didn't like how pleased Mal looked.

"I can't fucking believe it."

Regina shrugged and sipped her wine, seeming a bit out of sorts. "Yeah well. It makes for an interesting story that I never tell anyone."

Emma watched those long manicured fingers absentmindedly slip up and down Regina's skin. Logically she knew, once again, that this touch was benign, of course it was, Regina would never... but she decided that the subject needed to be changed. Now.

"What about you Mal? How did you lose yours?" Emma asked, a bit too loudly.

Mal's eyes stayed on Regina for a long moment, so long that Emma was beginning to think she wouldn't respond before she finally looked up, releasing Regina's palm. "Oh it was nothing special. In the back of a car after her prom when I was thirteen."

“Thirteen? Somehow that both shocks me and doesn’t surprise me at all.” Regina smirked, taking another draw from her glass.

The subject had been successfully changed and while they were all laughing again soon after, somehow the sick that had dropped into Emma's stomach never seemed to go away. In her mind, she could still see those perfect nails tracing her wife's palm and the smoky unreadable look that had filled Mal's eyes.

Emma cleared her throat less than an hour later and announced that it was time for her to go to bed.

 

Things felt normal, despite their intoxication, as soon as Mal was gone. They brushed their teeth and climbed into bed and clicked the light off. She gave Regina a quick kiss goodnight and settled back amongst the blankets with one clear thought in her head. Maybe it wasn't fair. Maybe it wasn't even warranted. But Emma was sure now.

She didn't like Maleficent.


	8. Chapter 8

Regina

* * *

It was amazing the pull someone could have on you simply because they had always had that power.

In the past, she and Maleficent had been like a drug to one another, never able to stay away and once they were in their same space their eventual outcome had been inevitable. She wasn’t sure, but, had it been habit or had it been inertia? It had never been love, not romantically anyway, not since the first two years of their relationship. Love was too pure, too clean for what she had always shared with Mal. Though there had always been a deep and unmoving... _something_ , almost like magnets on opposite sides of the refrigerator. Somehow life shuffled them a little toward the center until eventually they were close enough that the distance closed with or without their permission.

But of course, things were different now. Whatever it had been in the past, Regina had no interest in Mal, not beyond the oldest friendship she had known. That was what was different this time. She honestly didn’t.

Yet she had felt… _it_ … that pull, that inclination - that monkey on her back. She hadn't been able to keep her eyes off of her, she hadn't been able to stop breathing the scent of her essence like an sober alcoholic breathes in the aroma of a single malt scotch even if they have no plan to drink. Her entire body had shaken, her throat suddenly parched and flames had crept into her cheeks. It had confused her, excited her, and above all, terrified her. She had blushed to feel it, remembering what it would have meant once.

It was just a ghost, of course. If she were to leave Storybrooke for good, only to return to visit, would she not take the same roads she had always simply out of habit? It was just a ghost of a relationship long dead but it had been... _startling_ and uninvited.

Why was it that - simply because it was what they used to be for one another - she could still feel that inevitably pull? She loved Emma. She had no desire for anything else. It was just a habit – an unwanted temptation and it was strange.

Perhaps it was just that strange voodoo witchcraft that drew all things to Mal. At one point in the evening, she had looked over at Emma and had seen that she too had been transfixed, quite literally a moth to the flame.

She thought about all of this as she stood the next morning naked in front of the mirror, her mind tumbling over the night before.

It was rare she let herself just _be_ naked, not since the baby weight which had taken so much of her confidence. She hated to do it. She had known her body once, known the smooth concave turn of her belly, the full roundness of her breast, the gentle bubble of her ass, the perfectly manicured bare apex of her thighs and the waving chocolate bounce of her hair. She had known it all very well and she had been proud of it. It had been her greatest weapon and her greatest ally. She had used it to get herself out of trouble when she was young, most had willingly bowed down on one knee just for the hope of being allowed a moment to touch her physique. She had used its gravity to bend the town to her will, donning a powerful suit and heels. She had used it to wrap Emma around her little - albeit loving - finger, convincing the most phenomenal woman she had ever known into matrimony.

She had also used it to bear two beautiful and absolutely wonderful children. This was not something she would take back, not in a million years.

Now though, her smooth concave was hidden behind a gentle swell, her breasts were too full and her once sleek thighs were ever so rounded. The once perfectly manicured apex between her legs had grown into wild and unkempt curls, her formerly glossy hair had grown listless - there were small bags under her eyes and try as she might, she couldn't find a trace of old makeup because … she hadn't worn any in weeks.

She knew none of these changes were bad, exactly. They were natural, a slow transition from maiden to mother. She should wear them all proudly, signs of age and of wisdom, of motherhood, of womanhood.

But they also weren't – _her_.

One glance at Mal's visage and she had suddenly realized she had lost herself somewhere along the way.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to find the woman she had known in her reflection. This wasn't her. This couldn't be her.

She was almost startled to see herself in the mirror, realizing the image of herself in her mind and the reality no longer matched, creating a funhouse mirror distortion.

She searched again, her fingers sliding through her hair, pushing it back and away from her face. She puckered her lips and squinted, trying to find her own face - the face she knew - in the slightly rounded, kid-worn one in the glass.

She knew she wasn't exactly unattractive now and that when it came down to it Emma loved more than her body, but she missed...herself. It was like she had woken up to find herself turned into a man, or a zebra. It was unsettling.

She and Emma talked - often - of hiring a daily sitter and going to the gym or picking up running at the track in the park. It would be something they could do just the two of them. They talked of setting aside evening time as intimate time for them as a couple, in hopes of spicing up their sex life which had become so quick and neat that Regina often wondered if either woman felt satisfied. They talked about getting back to the women they used to be, of becoming more than wives and moms again but Regina was beginning to wonder if it was just that. Talk.

Of course... there were ways. If she gave in to that.

She could change this all in an instant. Lose the weight. Fix her hair. Wear her old clothes again. It would be so easy.

She could wrap herself in the familiar purple smoke that had at one time been so beloved and not only relieve the ache that lived in the back of her mind since she shut that part of herself away, but she could look like the woman she expected to see again.

She could do it and then she could wrap her stunning naked and confident body around Emma and refuse to let her come up for air until Henry was home or Bonnie woke. She would be able to do it because she would recognize herself again, because she wouldn’t feel an unhappy blush rise when Emma touched a part of her that was so changed. She would be able to do it because her mind wouldn’t be on how she looked, how she felt mentally, or what she wished. She could feel confident again and so her mind could be on Emma and only Emma.

They had never decided to give it up altogether. After all, they both knew that Regina was fine if it was used in light doses… for the most part. They had only agreed to hold off a bit until the kids were older - both agreeing that if it all came with a price, they were not willing for their children to be it.

Maybe it was time.

Plus, every now and then Emma did it. True, it had never really been her thing, she didn't like how it felt - but still her barrier was less than Regina's so... she did it... sometimes... in a crisis.

She shook her head and sighed, eyes turning away from her reflection, ashamed and a little confused.

Regina would have laughed if someone had told her younger self that one day she would lock it away, enduring the small headache, the constant pressure against the barrier brought all day, every day. She would have laughed because it _was_ Regina Mills - it was _who_ she was.

Now it was just another part of her that was lost.

She didn’t have to think about this most of the time. She had gotten used to turning these thoughts away, to banishing them to the coldest, darkest place in her mind. But now – she could feel Maleficent’s judgement. She could feel her disapproval and scorn and it was making her wonder. It was making her miss it more than she already did all day, every day.

Regina took a deep breath and her eyes locked on her own in the mirror. She pushed a little bit past the mental gate that held her essence back. Only a little. She flexed her fingers and with a not unpleasant pop like the catching of a Yule fire, a small ball of witchfire crackled to life an inch off of her palm. She gasped, startled and happy to know that refusing to let it out hadn't damaged it. Her pleasure suddenly drained and she sucked in a deep breath suddenly remembering the time of year. Her head began a slow but steady _whap – whap – whap_ of pain. No wonder. It wasn’t just Mal. It was harder to reign in right now. Of course, that was why her head hurt so badly. Perhaps this had been a bad plan. The next _whap_ didn’t take place in her head, but instead in her heart, a sudden lurch of fear mixed with the exhilaration.

The tingle started at the base of her spine, growing and glowing like burning embers. It scratched and pulled, abruptly climbing up her backbone like an angry tiger, up her neck and slamming full force into her head. She gasped as the entire room began to spin, her mind crashing back and forth like waves on a rocky shore. The building started fast, pounding against the barrier, growing larger. _Boom – boom – **boom**_. She tilted, her legs all at once too weak to hold her and stumbled, her alight hand reflexively reaching behind her to steady herself and scorching the blanket of her bed before she could put it out.

She swore and sat, waiting for the spins to pass.

She used to be so good at this. She and Mal, there had been no one stronger than the two of them together.

She knew, of course, that if she just welcomed it back into her life fully that she would - well - lose consciousness probably - but then this would be over and it would be back.

She wasn't ready for that.

She blinked and saw the scorch. She swore again and waved her hand over it. A dusting of purple hit the white blanket and the scorch disappeared.

She dropped to one knee, crying out as she squeezed either side of her head, trying to hold the exquisitely painful pressure in.

The thunder in her head faded slowly, moving from the steady **_boom_** to the more comfortable _whap_ until it was just a gentle ache.

"Whew." She let out a puff of air that she hadn’t been aware she was holding. That… that had not been encouraging.

Across the room her phone went off with a soft ding. Regina glanced up but had to wait another five seconds before she would rise and unsteadily cross the room to check it.

The message was short. All it said was: "Did I really?"

Regina rolled her eyes. Why had she told Mal that? She had always been too embarrassed to tell her before. Why last night? It wasn't the wine. Perhaps she had finally just decided that it carried no weight, not anymore. Because it really wasn't a big deal. Just an interesting little tidbit.

The bedroom door opened and Regina’s head snapped up, caught like a teenager changing in a co-ed dressing room. Emma came in, carrying a few pairs of freshly laundered pants to put into their dresser.

"Oops! I'm sorry!" Emma bit her lip and looked away from her wife's naked skin. Regina didn't like it. She knew that Emma only looked away because Regina had made her feel as though she needed to, ashamed of her lack of discipline, but she still hated it.

And they hadn't had sex the night before.

Regina had been able to feel Emma's sudden longing when she had kissed her that afternoon. She wanted to kick herself now for not simply shoving the paperwork to the floor and taking Emma on the desk. She knew it would have been welcome and if her mind had been a little less busy she probably would have. Instead, she had told Emma to wait and then - just like so many other nights - they had forgotten. The boys had been out of the house, there had been nothing else that needed their attention for the next few hours and they had forgotten. She had forgotten. Or perhaps it was that whatever inspiration Emma had been feeling in the afternoon had faded by the time they were alone again. And now Emma was awkwardly looking away from her naked skin.

Regina smiled a bit and quickly reached for her clothes, embarrassed and a little bad-tempered about the fact that Emma had caught her standing there naked and only affirming Emma's awkwardness.

"So..." Emma sat on the edge of the bed, eyes still respectfully averted. It made Regina wonder where the woman who used to rip her clothes off and take her with slamming force had gone. "Mal."

“Mm-hmm?”

“Err, how long is she staying do you think?”

“I’m not sure. But that does remind me. Last night when she was leaving I told her that it would be stupid to waste money on a room while she was in town. We have two spares so she's going to stay here. Do you mind?"

"Oh.”

Regina paused mid pulling the leg of her pants straight to look up. What had that been in Emma’s voice?

“Uh, no!” Emma added, leaning over and picking up one of Regina’s socks from the floor. “That's uh, a good idea actually. Though are you sure that she wouldn't rather stay where she has easy access to Ruby?"

Regina laughed. "I suppose that's up to her. She did take me up on the offer, though. Perhaps Ruby has already grown boring."

Now dressed Regina sat on the bed watching Emma rise and move about the room.

It wasn't just Regina's weight gain that was different, Emma had changed too.

Regina's eyes narrowed in on Emma's cheap sneakers, some type of generic Nike's. "Do you remember when you finally threw away your boots?"

Emma paused, looking guilty at her mom sneakers. "I know. That was a while ago now, wasn't it?"

Emma had bought the shoes to hold her until she could find the time to run to a bigger city and get some real shoes again. It was the same with her favorite leather jacket. Henry had been goofing off, wearing it around the house, but not realizing how large his shoulders had grown to be, he had split the poor thing down the back. The look on Emma’s face had been heartbreaking as she lost that old friend. Emma had stolen the plain hoodie from him that she wore now until she could do a shopping trip.

They had both made fun of the changes to Emma's wardrobe, teasing about becoming old and about looking like soccer moms. Only - eventually they had stopped laughing about it, hadn't they?

Just like Regina had gotten used to Keds and Toms instead of Louboutin and Manolo Blahnik, Emma had gotten used to ill-fitting boot cut jeans and No Boundaries tennies.

Regina shifted a little on the bed, uneasy. Why was this on her mind so much today? She glanced up and she and Emma shared a look that said their mind was in the same place, remembering the way things had been once. Emma sat beside her again with a small laugh. "God, I always thought the mom effect was kind of bullshit."

"Apparently it isn't." Regina sighed and laid back on the bed, her arms under her head, her mind swirling and very busy.

Emma turned, her face hidden against Regina’s ribs. "I've lost my sex appeal, haven't I?" Emma's voice came out as a delicate whisper beside her, but the words still hit hard.

"What? Oh god, no!" She really hadn't. Regina slipped a hand under the back of Emma's sweater and tickled her skin. "You haven't. I think if anyone has it's me. It's not just the weight, it's an attitude as well."

Emma’s face popped up, cheeks red, scowling, instantly furious. "I know you think that but fucking stop it."

"What?" Regina jumped, surprised by Emma's sudden anger. If there was ever a time to be kind to one another, this was it, when both were feeling so vulnerable.

"I know you think you're less desirable for whatever reason, I don't know, you seem to have a lot of them. I'm tired of hearing it." Emma turned and ran her hands over Regina's stomach, ignoring her sounds of discomfort Regina reflexively made as she leaned in close, hovering over her. "See. You say it's an attitude and I think you're right. It _is_ an attitude. I know that you think I am less attracted to you than I was once, babe. And I know that I don't always _show_ you like I should." Her wife's lips closed over the fabric on a soft nipple and a moan popped from Regina's unsuspecting mouth. "But I'm not." The lips closed again and Regina's hands reflexively went to her back. "I promise." Teeth softly grazed through the fabric and Regina let out a small keen. "I could never stop wanting this body." She moved up and teeth softly latched onto Regina's neck. Regina gasped, wrapping her legs around Emma's hips. "I think that life just gets in the way." Emma sucked on her earlobe and Regina let out a strange, strangled moan, her body always so desperate and wanting these days. "I think that you decided that I don't want you and so you don't _let_ me want you."

Regina's head was beginning to swim again, need building in her lower belly. It was true, she knew it was, and yet she couldn’t focus on that now.

Emma groaned and reached, cupped her ass, pulling her ever so slightly off the bed.

"Moms?" Downstairs the front door slammed. "Moms? Mal is here!" Henry called from the bottom of the stairs.

Emma swore viciously and sat up.

Regina whimpered, hating the space suddenly between them, wanting her body back against hers. Say what she wanted, Emma had changed and for just a moment Regina had been able to see, to feel a version of her that didn't wear sneakers or socks to bed. "No! Emma!" she cried feebly, clutching at Emma's sweater.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry. Tonight." Emma promised and gave her a quick kiss before standing.

She didn't know why she had tried to pull Emma back down. Of course, they couldn't right now, not with a suddenly full house. She just needed – a little bit _more_.

Depressing frustration filled Regina as Emma disappeared through their bedroom door to greet their guest because she knew the odds were that by that evening neither would remember where they had left off.

 

_Six Years Before _

 

_"Wait, wait, wait, is he crying?"_

_Emma stopped, looking at Regina as though she were crazy, her breath coming hard against Regina's cheek. "What?" she cried._

_"Oliver. Is he crying?"_

_"Are you fucking kidding me, woman?" Emma snapped, her hips shifting the strap-on and making Regina's eyes roll. They were propped on the very edge of the bed, Regina's legs wrapped tightly around Emma's waist, Emma's body bowed into and over her. "You were so fucking close."_

_Regina laughed, liking the way their bodies shook together as she did. Then Emma stiffened, hearing for herself the small cries of their almost one-year-old son in his crib. "Shit."_

_"Should we see what he needs? He's going to wake up Henry." Regina_ _gasped, _though her legs only tightened around Emma as she said it.__

_"What? No!"_

_"But he's crying!"_

_"Look." Emma stretched grabbed the video monitor beside the bed, doing her best to do anything except pull out of her. "He's fine. See. He's fine."_

_"You're right, you're right." Regina waved her hands, telling Emma to keep going._

_Emma slammed back into her, her body rocking them with each thrust. The bed shook and angrily sliding minutely back and forth with the power of their movements._

_Regina let out a quick high whine and both of her hands balled in the hair at the back of Emma's head. "FUCK - FUCK - SHIT - AHHH - FUCK - BABY - FUCK - I LOVE - YOU - FUCK!" She wailed into the room with each thrust of Emma's body._

_"Mom?" Little Henry called from downstairs where he had been taking a nap on the living room couch. "Mom? Ollie's crying! Moms?"_

_"FUCK - FUCK -AHH - BABY - BABE - OH - SHIT - HEN - HENRY'S - UP!"_

_"Then you - better - hurry - the fuck - up!" Emma grunted, fucking her all the harder, dipping her tongue into Regina's mouth to catch the sounds. "Fuck. Comeonbabe. Fuck. Giveitto-"_

_Regina exploded around her, riding her for all she was worth and screaming into Emma's lips, "FUCK!SHIT!FUCK!ILOVE!FUCK!EMMA!"_

 

Regina stared up at the ceiling, lying in the same spot she had been all of those years ago, only now she was alone. She covered her face with her hands and groaned out and unhappy, "GODDAMN IT."


	9. Chapter 9

**Regina**

* * *

 

She didn't bother letting her thoughts linger. There was no point. Instead, she got up, shook herself out and headed down the stairs, just like she always did.

She rounded the hallway into the living room and was surprised to find Mal on the couch with Ollie nestled in her lap.

"Hi, sweet pea. When did you get home?"

"Oh, I see how it is." Mal dryly teased.

Regina's eyes rolled. "Hello Mal."

"Apparently." Mal said in her usual slow droll monotone. "We all felt the need to show up at the exact same moment."

"I picked up Ollie for you." Henry grinned proudly. "I thought you were probably busy with Mal."

“Thank you, sweetheart.” She kissed his forehead and ignored the mix of pleasure and annoyance that always crossed his face now when she did something like that; too teenaged to like it and still young enough to be pleased by the attention.

"You know, Ollie, Mal might want her lap back." Regina said as she took a seat beside their guest.

Ollie didn't seem to hear her, too busy studying Mal's giant stenciled tattoo. With one finger he followed the lines with great concentration.

"Oh, he's just fine. Aren't you, sweet pea?"

He looked up, surprised but grinned at her as though he had just found the first woman he would love.

"So, Mal." Regina sighed, surprised that she felt slightly awkward. "Is there anything you would like to do today? Usually Sundays are quite busy, but I think we're free."

"Soup kitchen." Emma called from the other room.

"What?"

"It's soup kitchen day."

"Oh! Goodness, is that really today? Didn't we just do it?"

"Mommy!" Ollie chided. "You're supposed to be nice to the homeless. They need our help."

“Homeless?” Mal scoffed. “Here? In Storybrooke?”

Regina just sent her friend a glare. "You're right, sweetie." she stood and kissed the top of his head. "Okay, do you know where the aprons are? Last time you forgot them you came back filthy!"

He shook his head.

"Emma?"

A muffled thump and bang came from the laundry room as well as a yelp of pain.

She excused herself and found her wife hanging from the top of the doorframe, pulling herself up by one arm, barely teetering on the top of her toes. Apparently she hadn't lost all of her muscle.

"I cn fin duf enah." Emma grumbled, an apron hanging from her mouth.

Regina laughed, tempted to tickle the little bit of belly Emma had exposed. Instead, she pulled the apron out of her mouth. “Clarify that, please.”

Emma dropped and grinned her crooked grin that Regina loved so much. "I can't find the other one."

"Hmmm, I think perhaps Ollie left his at the kitchen last time. Remember, we couldn't find it afterward."

"Ooooh, right. Okay, I'll call M.M. and see if we can borrow one. Are you coming or are you going to stay behind with Mal?"

Regina frowned, feeling guilty. She should be there with her guest, but she hadn’t missed a soup kitchen day. "I should stay, shouldn't I? Actually, I suppose I should make myself more available for a few days, shouldn't I?"

"What do you mean?" Emma asked rummaging through the closet again.

"Well. I suppose I have all of that vacation time saved up for that trip to Disney World that we didn't take."

There was a large thunk as Emma's head hit the bottom of the shelf above her and a muffled yelp.

“Oh!” Regina winced.

When she stood Emma’s eyes were wide and shocked.

Regina knew what she was going to say before she said it.

"You're going to take time off of work?"

Something crude and rough passed across Emma's face for the smallest part of a second and Regina's guilt tripled. She knew that Emma was thinking of all the times she had asked Regina to do just that and she hadn't been able or willing to. Her job was not one she could just leave very often. "Well." she answered the unspoken accusation, "I've never had this much time saved up before, Emma. That's what all of those long hours were for last quarter."

"Right." Emma mumbled, her hands slipping into her back pockets. She turned to go, but as she went Regina was sure she heard a mumble of, "And you're going to use them all for _Maleficent_."

Guilt mixed with indignation as she stood alone in the laundry room, anger slowly rising. What had that been? That had been so rude! She marched out, furious. It had been _Emma_ who had canceled their family vacation because her ancient car had finally taken its last breath. They had, instead, used the money to buy her a new one. Plus! She _lived_ with Emma and the kids. Perhaps she hadn't taken a lot of days off in the past... few years or so, but she literally hadn't seen Maleficent in over ten! Wasn't taking a few days off of work the polite thing to do? She hadn't even said for sure that she was going to do it! It was just a thought!

She saw Emma gathering things in the living room, her face and pinched and knew with indignant dread that they were now fighting.

Okay.

Her arms crossed over her chest.

Fine.

Fine then.

They would have to talk this through later.

She glanced back at Mal and Ollie and paused. Mal had pulled her long hair into a bun and Ollie sat beside her with his markers in hand and his little tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth as he colored in the black outline of her giant shoulder tattoo.

“Ollie!”

Both Mal and the tiny boy next to her looked up, alarmed.

"Your kid is quite talented. I may have this done professionally. I like it with color."

Oliver grinned.

Regina opened her mouth but she wasn’t sure what to say. Her son was drawing on Mal, something that should be a no-no, but Mal had clearly invited it.

Somehow this just annoyed her anger.

Her jaw clenched.

Mal's eyes widened as she looked at her. She quickly glanced to Emma and back, asking what the fuck had just happened.

Regina just sighed and shook her head.

 

Not long after, the house was empty of everyone except Regina and Mal.

Regina had offered to take Bonnie, but Emma had just moodily insisted that the girl would only scream the entire time if she did. Regina had just shrugged. It had been her choice to make and if Emma wanted to make the day harder for herself then she supposed that was her choice.

She knew they were both behaving childishly. It happened from time to time during a silent fight.

"So?" Mal looked at her expectantly and Regina gave a dry laugh.

"It's nothing real. Just a small... _bicker_ , I guess. I told her I might take a few days off since you're here."

Mal let down her curtain of hair and frowned. "That created a fight?"

"To be clear, we're not exactly fighting but, yes. I don't... I don't often take time away from work."

"Ah, I see. Well I’m flattered.”

“Shut up, Mal.” Regina sighed.

Mal laughed, not at all offended. “Well, don't get into trouble on my account, dear."

"Oh, it's not a real fight. I just said it - kind of callously, I suppose. I think I made her feel unimportant. We'll talk. We will be fine." She wondered for a moment how she would feel if the roles were reversed, if Emma had casually decided to take time off after Regina had asked her to hundreds of times.

Shame on her.

Mal studied her, placing a cigarette between her lips.

Regina smirked and lit it from across the room.

Mal's eyes glittered. "You know. For someone who has given it up. I could have sworn I smelled it when I first came in." She said it in the way that you speak to a child who does not know you saw them shoplift. "Among... other things."

 _Other things_. It repeated in her head. No wonder she was cranky.

"Maaaaal." Regina groaned. "I told you, we didn't give it up, exactly. But if you must know, yes. I was – perhaps playing is the correct word.”

"Uh huh." Mal let out a puff of smoke and gave her a knowing eye. "So. What are we doing today?"

"I don't know. Do you have something you would like to do?"

Mal chuckled. "Well, it's been about thirteen years since I was last here so - is there anything new in town since then?"

Regina threw back her head and cackled with laughter. "Walk. Why don't we just walk?"

* * *

 

 

"So." Mal started as soon as the door to number 108 was closed behind them. "Tell me. How did you meet Emma?"

Regina sighed, locking the door behind them. "It was in Boston."

"Oh? She did tell me she was from there."

"As mayor, I constantly had meetings there.”

“Mayor.” Mal scoffed.

Regina just gave her a leveling glance. She had heard enough of this from Mal when she had announced that she wanted the position in the first place. Mal had been flabbergasted that Regina had wanted such a ‘conventional’ job. Regina hadn’t bothered to point out that other than her rebellious phase, all of her schooling had pushed her toward a career exactly like that. “ _As I was saying_.”

Mal gestured for her to continue on.

“One night I went out for drinks after a particularly difficult day and there she was."

"She was having drinks as well?"

"She was on a date. We met at the bar before her date showed up and I was still there when she decided she liked talking to me more than she liked talking to her."

"What did she do? You know, before she was a small town sheriff and then a housewife."

Regina shot her a stern look, but Mal just grinned, unimpressed by it. "She was a police detective for the Boston P.D."

Mal shook her head looking flabbergasted.

"You forget, Mal, all the drugs and the well, less than legal acts, were far behind me at that point – unless I was with _you_. Even our visits together were less... hmm, well... at that point we had predominately stopped using the harder substances and we were just using Magic, remember?" She shook her head, remembering the little white pills she and Mal had used so frequently.

 

The media had spent many hours, when the pills first surfaced, trying to decide if they should be legal or otherwise. Debates had been aired, propaganda had been splattered from both sides. It had been legalized when Regina was young, made illegal when she was in college, before finally settling on "Legal: similar to any other performance enhancing drug.' After all, the pill only affected the part of the population that already that the ability for Craft inside of them. For the majority of those people all it did was strengthen their abilities, removing all mental barriers and inhibitions so you could reach your full Craft potential for a little while, letting your Craft overwhelm you. Children took it during school tests. There had been recent studies about the pill and its connection with calming Craft bearing teenagers with ADHD.

Only Regina... she had never been average. She was of the small amount of people, seldom mentioned in the media, whose essence was _too_ strong. That night, at the first party that she had attended with Mal, Regina had absolutely no idea what the pill could and would do or what taking essence from someone with it in their system would do. Her mother had spent Regina's childhood with a hard thumb on her Craft abilities, never allowing it to shine, lest it outshine hers.

At the time, she had no idea how strong she really was.

For people like Regina, whose Craft was already so strong, the little white pill was dangerous. Their essence was so large that allowing it to build without inhibition could have serious consequences, quickly taking them over and producing an animalistic 'trip' much like a blend that of acid, ecstasy, and heroin or… could make them forget entirely. This happened for Mal as well, to a point, but if she wanted the same type of psychedelic trip she had to pair the pill with something else. Her poison of choice had always been a ground up mix of magic mushrooms and ecstasy.

Regina... she had taken from Mal while she mixed, but Regina had never needed to. She had a strong enough trip without it. Sometimes even an uncontrollable one. Something which had happened more and more as she matured.

 

"Just out of curiosity, you don't still take it do you?" Regina shot a glance at Mal and then looked away again, turning to lead them up the street.

"Oh, _all of the time_." Mal laughed. "I still have my little case that holds a few of those as well as a few... blends and occasionally something stronger. I've found that the older I get the more those little dalliances have _matured_. It's not the same as it was when we were young and crazy but it is quite delectable."

Regina nodded, agitated.

"Is that why you gave it up? Because I know you, Regina, you could always handle it without the pill. You were normal."

Regina sighed, studying the ground. She had always been able to handle it. Mal was right. She had been able to handle it, until she couldn’t.

She didn't have an answer.

"Or." Mal gasped, her hand gripping Regina’s arm. "Is it that you've grown out of it. Oooh, Regina Mills, have you lost your power?"

Regina scoffed and with a flick of her fingers, Mal was flying ten feet through the air, cackling. Before she hit the ground Mal disappeared in a puff of mauve and reappeared standing beside her.

Regina didn't see. She was on all fours, her forehead pressed heavily to the sidewalk, panting.

"Oh, baby." Mal cooed, kneeling beside her. "I've heard that it can fuck you up if you're working through a barrier. I don't understand, Regina. It's _natural_ for us. Why are you denying who you are? Isn't it painful?"

"Yes, Maleficent, it's fucking painful!" Regina barked, trying to control her gurgling stomach and spinning mind. This was humiliating. They were in public. This was... she was mortified. Unsteadily she sat back on her knees as soon as possible and tried to quiet her roaring head.

"Well." Mal said, wise enough to get off of this topic. "I can see the appeal that Emma must have had. I love a woman in uniform."

Regina, despite her head and burning spine, began to laugh.


	10. Chapter 10

**Emma**

* * *

Things had been weird.

 

Actually, no. The thing was - things _hadn’t_ been weird. Things had been exceedingly _normal_ and _that_ was weird. Regina had taken an ample amount of time off of work with little complaint from her boss and while this had bothered Emma at first, suddenly the house felt like Christmas vacation. Bonnie cried less. Ollie was elated at all times, happy to have both of his mommies and madly in love with their house guest. Even Henry had only one temper tantrum in the last two weeks. He had been up on the highest floor, as usual, just outside of his room and screaming down at them about a forgotten homework assignment. Before long Mal had stepped from the bathroom just beside him post shower, clad in a very tight spaghetti strap tank and skin tight and expensive looking Levi's. Henry had turned very red in the face and disappeared through the door of his room, making Mal stare after him confused and his mothers laugh until they cried. Even Emma had been delighted that Mal meant she woke up every morning to her wife still in bed instead of up and running out the door.

They took the children to their usual activities, Mal along for the ride whether it was Emma who took them or Regina.

They cooked dinner every night and shared a bottle of wine once the kids were asleep.

Everything was perfectly normal.

Only...

The three of them would laugh at a joke and while Regina was joining them, Emma was sure she could see a small touch of something unpleasant in her eyes. At night, they would get ready for bed as usual and Emma would turn to grab a shirt, naked from the waist up and find Regina staring at her with a vague look on her face. Emma would get out of the shower and find Regina glaring longingly at her designer clothes hanging in the closet. She would see Emma watching and jump, rushing to dress with a wink or give a small kiss to Emma.

Emma understood where Regina's mind was; it was clear. But what wasn't clear was if she should try and talk to her about it or if she should give Regina space to work her thoughts and feelings out and let Regina come to her.

Instead, Emma did her best to decide how _she_ felt about it. Regina wanted more from her - sexually - that much was clear. That was fine with Emma, all Regina needed to do was say the word and she would find the time. She was desperate for it even. She would even make it hot, steamy, and rough, just the way that Regina had always liked it despite her general state of exhaustion. More than once she wondered if asking Mal to take the kids for ice cream and then bending Regina over a desk – table – any sturdy object - would be enough to calm whatever was happening in her wife’s mind. Maybe it would remind her that she was fucking hot and Emma loved her and wanted her. She even debated telling her about all the nights when she would lay in bed next to a sleeping Regina, trying to talk herself into waking her or with a hand lightly touching her thigh, daring it to move and hoping that Regina wouldn’t reject her.

The thing was, it wasn’t as simple as that.

And how did she feel about the thing that she thought was really making Regina twitch?

How did she feel about Regina using her abilities again? Did Emma want to begin using her own? Was it safe? They knew their limits. It had to be safe by now. Should she worry about the children anyway?

But… the clock tower had never really been the same…

Then again perhaps it was _for_ the children that cornered them into beginning again. They spent so much time trying to support Ollie in everything he was - but what if he began to display the signs? He was fascinated with the parlor tricks that Mal did for him. What happened when he got angry about something minor and accidentally set the couch on fire? Surely he would do better - he would adjust better - if he saw his mothers using their abilities too. It was the same for Bonnie. The odds are that one of their kids would probably have it, right? No, the odds were both of them would have it.

What was the right move to make next?

Or maybe Emma was overthinking all of it and all that Regina was feeling was the usual tingle - the usually uncomfortable current that came about annually around this time.

They needed to talk about it. They needed to pretty badly.

 

Emma didn't get very long to think about bringing it up.

 

She woke a few days later and to her shock, her choice had been made for her.

 

Emma groaned, pulling herself sluggishly and maybe a little bit resentfully from the warm sheets. She could hear Bonnie's gurgled complaints from the nursery and yet she wanted to get back into bed. It was too early! She yawned and tried to run her fingers through her tangled hair. Regina was still sleeping soundly, something that did not surprise Emma in the slightest. Mal and Emma had stayed in last night, but Regina had said she had an errand to run after dinner. When she finally came home, hours later, she smelled of incense and old stale air. Emma had assumed then that, like she sometimes did, she had spent a few hours of meditation in her vault. It wasn't a big deal, she had done it before. Though usually in times of great stress and that worried her a bit.

Regina had gone to bed immediately with few words to spare for anyone.

Emma pulled on some PJ bottoms before she stumbled into the nursery to quiet Bonnie who, upon seeing her, pulled herself up to her feet and yowled like a hurt puppy.

“Okay, okay, okay.” She hissed, moving fast to quiet her before the entire house was up.

Just as she was picking her up there was a large thunk and a yelp from the next room over.

Regina came tumbling in a few moments later, nursing her forehead. She peered through a bleary eye at Emma before she fell with a crash into the rocking chair in the corner.

"Uh... you okay, babe?" She rocked Bonnie slowly, hoping to get her back to sleep for a little longer before breakfast.

Regina seemed to be glowing with a slightly green sheen, her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was a rat's nest of chaos. She let out a noncommittal grumble at Emma's question and held out her arms for Bonnie, rocking lightly.

Concerned Emma reached and felt her forehead. "Jesus, babe!" She disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared a moment later with the thermometer.

"No, Emma I'm fine."

"No. No, you're really not."

"Emma."

" _Regina_!" She felt like she was on fire. There was no way that Regina was going to insist her way out of this one. Not this time.

Regina’s lips pressed into a thin line but she went silent and opened for Emma to stick the thermometer under her tongue.

Emma waited anxiously, watching the thermometer rise.

97.5

98.3

99.8

100.2

101.1

Before it finally settled on _103.5_.

"Jesus!" Emma pulled Bonnie from Regina's loving caress and one armed and clumsy pulled Regina to her feet as best as she could.

Regina swayed and nearly tipped, her sweaty brow furrowing. "I'm fine, Emma. I just need a cup of coffee."

"Absolutely not."

"Moms?" Henry appeared around the doorframe, his hair tousled and in his Star Wars boxers.

"Henry!” Emma breathed, grateful. “Here. Take her downstairs, please. Mom is sick."

"Emma! I'm fine!"

“Stay down there in case she’s contagious, okay? Get Ollie too?”

Henry just nodded, rubbing his eye as he took zombie like steps to take Bonnie.

“Emma, I’m fine!”

"Nope." She pushed Regina out of the nursery and into their bedroom.

"Emma, really."

"Regina, if that temperature gets any higher, I'm taking you to Whale. So get - into - bed." Emma shoved again and Regina was in bed.

The moment that Regina hit the mattress she relaxed with a bodily sighed, as though standing had been a great strain. Still she protested. "Really Emma, I have things to do today."

"Mal can entertain herself." She quickly began unbuttoning Regina's pajama top, making Regina's eyes, which had just slid closed, burst open.

"Well if that's where this is going then I won't complain about staying in bed. It _is_ Friday."

"One." Emma said with a quick kiss on the lips. "I have so many errands to run today. And two." She gave her another quick kiss, wondering about germs. "You have a fever. Not. Happening."

For a split second Regina's spirit looked so dashed that, horrified, she considered asking Henry to get breakfast for himself and Oliver and asking Mal if she would watch their daughter so that she could go to bed with her wife but then a bead of sweat rolled from Regina's temple into her hairline and Emma shook her head. No, she couldn't.

When Regina was completely undressed she covered her only with the sheet and then disappeared to get her some Tylenol and a glass of water. She watched Regina, ever the stubborn patient, take the pills and then fall asleep before Emma was able to cross the floor.

She dressed and quickly headed downstairs.

"Morning, guys." Henry had gotten Ollie up and was halfway through feeding Bonnie. "Thank you." She roughly kissed his forehead and then just to be sure, felt the foreheads of Ollie and Bonnie as well. It seemed that whatever Regina had caught, it was sticking with her for now.

Henry was just gathering his school things and his brother when Mal stumbled down the stairs yawning.

"Come on kids, we're late. Let's go, let's go. Oh, hey Mal."

"What's wrong?"

"What? Oh. Nothing. Regina has a fever so we're running late."

"Regina has a fever?"

Emma watched something she couldn't name pass over Mal's face and she wasn't sure she liked it. She could never make up her fucking mind when it came to Mal and it drove her nuts.

Every time she decided that yes, this was her predominant feeling when it came to the woman, something would change it. She would watch Mal and Regina teasing in the kitchen, Regina chopping a carrot to throw in the pot - only to have Mal giggle and swish her fingers and the carrot become whole again - and she would decide that while it might be unfair, she didn't like Mal. Then she and Regina would come home and find Emma in absolute tears because Bonnie had screamed all afternoon and Mal would take her into her arms with such a genuine concern that Emma would be sure she had been wrong. It was infuriating. She couldn't figure out where she stood.

Most mornings there was Starbucks waiting for Emma downstairs, brought by Mal after her daily poof to the next town to get her drink... which was sweet. A few nights before Emma and Regina had returned from Henry's AcDec meet to find that Mal had cooked dinner for them. She had also made sure that Ollie had finished his homework and had taken his bath all before they got home. It had been so relieving having one less thing to do that Emma's mind had swayed - again. But now, this look, she didn't like it. What she liked even less was that the look had only lasted a second before Mal's face had masked over into a neutral look of concern.

Finally, Mal asked, "Is it - I've heard that holding it in can make you sick around -"

"No, Mal. We get through them every year just fine. That's not it." She had barked a little and she hadn’t meant to.

Mal's eyebrows slowly rose. "All right. Should we be worried?" she asked. "I can get someone to see her if need be."

"I'm not sure. I don't think so. I guess we'll see how she is this afternoon. Guys! Let's - go! You're late. Look, five minutes until the bell."

"Mom, I'm going to get detention if I'm late," Henry whined.

"Well then move."

Mal shifted, beside the door, her eyes drifting up as though she could see Regina through the floor. Maybe sense her up there was more accurate. Either way, Emma wanted her to stop it. _She_ could take care of her wife.

"Perhaps I can help." Mal offered and before Emma could turn to her fully, Mal had flicked both hands and in a swirl of mauve both boys disappeared.

Emma's heart leapt into her throat, stopping and starting all at once. Anger blasted through her like heat and for a moment she was angry that she considered decking her.

Mal was grinning widely. "Now no one will be late." But the grin faded quickly. She looked back at Emma and the smile dropped. "That made you angry. Okay, why the hell did that make you angry?"

Emma took a few deep breaths and pulled out her phone to call both boys. "Are you alright?"

She didn't respond to Mal until she got a chipper yes from Henry that they had arrived a block from school and that he was seeing Ollie where he needed to be.

Hearing that they both were okay did not make her heart beat any slower. "Mal." Emma hissed between her teeth. "I know that Craft is nothing to you and I get that, I do. But Regina and I agreed when Oliver was born that we would _not_ use it on our kids. There are just too many dangers. We both have _seen_ its price over and over again. I assume you know why the clock tower is like that, right?”

“I do.”

“Great. So while I'm glad that my kids aren't going to be late um, please don't do that ever fucking again." It was as polite as she could make herself.

Mal's eyebrow popped, clearly offended, but she said in her most formal tone, "Of course, Emma. I apologize."

Emma nodded stiffly and turned away, heading upstairs to get ready for her day before she said anything she would regret.

* * *

Emma ran a few errands around town then stopped at home to drop off the groceries and check on Regina. Mal, to her surprise, was not there and Emma found that she was relieved. It was nice to feel like her house was her own for a moment, even if the odds are the absence was thanks to their interaction that morning.

Emma searched through the cupboard for a can of soup but was annoyed to find that they didn't have any. Soup didn't last long in their house, not with how much Ollie loved it.

She chewed her lip for a moment. She could make one fresh. She would rather give Regina something fresh. But where was the time? She didn’t have it.

She glanced over her shoulder just in case Mal - who could be weirdly silent - had shown up again. When she saw that she was alone she grabbed a bowl and closed her eyes. In a swirl of lightly white fog, the bowl was filled with Regina's favorite soup. As usual, Emma had to hold her stomach as her skin crawled and her head swirled before she was able to grab the thermometer and start upstairs. She just didn't get it. She didn't get why _that_ pulled on Regina so much. It sucked. It was like suddenly being hungover.

She didn't use it often, she rationalized and Bonnie was asleep and the boys were gone. She wasn't going to let herself feel guilty.

In their bedroom, she set the tray of food down on the bedside table and gently woke Regina.

"Oh god, did I sleep through the alarm?" Regina sat up quickly and then spent a moment looking confused at her bare chest. "I don’t remember falling asleep this way." She looked at the clock and seemed to mentally stumble, confusion growing.

"You woke up this morning with a fever, babe." Emma stroked her forehead soothingly and was pleased to find it wasn't quite as warm. "Here." She stuck the thermometer under her tongue.

101.1

"That's so much better. This morning it was 103 something."

"Really?"

"Yup. Here." She put the tray across Regina's legs and then crawled around her so she could sit beside her. "You have to eat that."

Regina looked as though she would rather not, but Emma glared so she took a sip. "Where's Mal? I took time off so she wouldn't need to spend her time alone."

Emma shrugged. "She's not here. With the sabbat coming, I would bet she's with Ruby again."

"Oh." Regina took another long sip.

They sat in silence as Regina finished her bowl. Then when it was done Regina sighed, resting heavily on Emma's shoulder.

"Do you think you could sleep again?"

"Hmm?" Regina sounded as though she were already in a doze.

Emma wrapped her arms around her and kissed her temple. "Go back to sleep."

So Regina did, held tightly in Emma's arms as Emma relished the closeness.

 

After a while, Emma knew she had to get up and get going. Bonnie was sleeping too long and she had too many other things to do that day. She turned and let her Regina on the pillows. She pushed her hair back and smoothed the sheet over her.

Then she and Bonnie ran the last bit of their errands.

Only, there was traffic outside of Storybrooke and Emma had spent too long staring into the shop windows of clothing stores in the mall, debating going in and trying things on before she gave up and left, because clothing shopping with Bonnie would be a nightmare. While Emma meant to be home by the time the boys were out of school she instead didn't get back until after five that evening.

"Boys?" She called over a screaming Bonnie as soon as she walked through the door.

"In here," Henry called.

She rounded the corner into the living room and was surprised to see Regina and Mal sitting and sipping cups of coffee with Henry and Ollie between them, pages of homework strewn across the table.

"Oh! Err, hey! How are you feeling?"

Regina beamed at her. "I'm feeling better now. Thank you. I think I just needed to sleep." Regina reached for Bonnie but Emma just stood, unresponsive and staring. "Emma? What?" Regina finally asked, her eyes uncomfortable.

"Mommy got a haircut!" Ollie grinned and recognition dawned.

That was what was different - except. No, there was more. Her hair was shorter, as if it had been trimmed and it shone a radiant chestnut but - her skin, it also seemed to glow richly healthy, like it hadn't in a while. She looked amazing.

Emma felt herself pull in a deep breath and gulp. "I see that! It looks good, babe. Where did you go?"

But Regina was busy playing with Bonnie and didn't answer.

Mal, however, was still looking at her stiffly. Emma's eyes rolled. Apparently just as Emma was having a hard time reconciling her feelings with Mal, it seemed as though Mal had been struggling today too. What's more, it seemed as though Mal had finally settled on her feelings and the outcome was not a positive one.

"Hen, don't forget about soccer tonight. Coach said to bring your goalie gear. Ollie, your recital is tomorrow."

Ollie looked up, his pale cheeks that were so much a mix of his mothers blanched.

"Awe, don't be nervous. But don't forget that tonight is the dress rehearsal, okay? Bring your costume."

"Okay, Mommy."

“Hey, sweet pea.” Regina cooed and he willingly let himself be pulled into Regina's arms for a hug.

 

Henry left soon after and Emma drove Ollie to his rehearsal not long after that. When she arrived home again Bonnie was playing mindlessly on the floor while Regina and Mal chatted easily.

"So, what should the adults do for dinner?" Mal's lazy grey eyes rolled over them.

"Actually. I was thinking." Regina's eyes narrowed and then with a sudden snap, the table was decorated with three plates full of thick steak, potatoes, and greens.

Emma's jaw fell slack. What the _hell_ had just happened?

Regina turned to Emma her eyes glittering with obvious pride. Emma’s open mouth snapped closed. She felt like she had just been blindsided in public. She hadn’t expected... she had no choice but to clean up her face.

She knew that Regina had been considering - but she hadn't realized.

Now suddenly the glow - the hair - she felt stupid for not seeing it the moment she walked in the door. "Uh-" fell from her lips dumbly.

"What do you think? It's your favorite, filet mignon with a butter and brandy reduction."

It was the meal she had eaten on their second date and it had indeed been her favorite since then.

Regina's face was so clearly hopeful, so open and waiting that Emma couldn't dash her spirits by letting her know just how surprised she was by this sudden change of their tandem life choice.

"Uh," she said again and then noticed those smoky grey eyes had found her and were staring, a look of smug satisfaction making the beautiful face shine.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Emma

* * *

Emma finally settled on pissed.

She had eaten the meal, slightly bitter about how wonderful it tasted, but stayed silent as Regina and Mal joked and chatted as though nothing was different.

She didn't have a choice. If she opened her mouth she would say something rude - or she would simply cut to the chase and yell.

She was livid.

She was hurt.

It didn't help that smug enjoyment was radiating from Mal like heat from a furnace. She had been pushing an agenda since she arrived and, look at that, she had won. Regina had taken down her barriers – she had started using Craft again without even speaking to her about it first.

Emma excused herself early that night, simply wanting her own space.

She got ready for bed but instead of sleeping spent a while watching television on her phone, trying to shake the betrayed hurt and anger from her shoulders.

Why hadn't they talked about this? They had talked a whole fucking lot when they decided to stop. Why hadn’t they talked before this?

It was a long while before Regina finally appeared, clicking the door closed quietly and looking surprised and concerned when Emma wasn’t asleep.

She got changed, constantly throwing glances at Emma before finally giving into the silence and sat at the foot of the bed.

"You're angry." It wasn’t a question and it only made Emma angrier.

Emma wasn't sure how to respond. She had a list of things she wanted to say, but none of them felt appropriate. "Um... yeah."

"Why?" Regina breathed out and Emma could hear the confusion in her voice. "Because of dinner?"

Emma let her phone fall, ignoring the sounds of Peter Griffin's usual shenanigans and finally looked up into those deep, beautiful eyes. "Regina..."

Regina stood, clearly hearing the bitter note in Emma's voice and knowing the meaning. She began to pace, readying for the fight.

Emma, seeing that, sat up in bed and drew her legs up so she could wrap her arms around her knees.

"You just didn't bother to tell me. I mean, what the hell, Regina? I thought this was something we had decided together!"

Regina’s feet paused. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Didn't we decide that this was going to be put away until our kids were older? _Why_ would you just start to do it again without even telling me?"

The awkward way that Regina played with her wedding ring let Emma know that she knew she was right. "It wasn't really a well thought out decision, Emma. I just -"

"Babe, I know that isn't true. You've been thinking about it since Mal got here. I just – I haven’t known how to approach you about it."

"So what if I have?" Regina suddenly snapped, the former mayor glinting through her piercing eyes.

Emma drew back in surprise. “Okaaay.” She steeled herself. "It's fucked up, Regina. It's fucked up that you made the choice to start again without me. We don't know if it is safe. Did you even talk to anyone? The Twins? Mr. Gold? Blue? Anyone? You had _no_ way to know how just suddenly letting it go would affect you."

"Of course I did, Emma. I'm not a fool."

"Okay." Emma snapped back just as viciously, fairly sure Regina was not telling the truth. "Then can we discuss suddenly going back on a whole _lifestyle change_ that _we_ agreed on?"

"Oh, Emma." Regina scoffed, the dryness in her voice biting at her. "You just don't understand."

"What? Yes, I _do_."

"No. You don't."

" _Yes_ , I do, Regina. I have the same headaches you do. I have the same itch. It hurts me just as much as it does you."

“Not as much as me! Never as much as me!”

“Okay, I know that. I get it, but we agreed!”

"You never liked it. You never used it!"

"So?" Emma cried too loudly and Regina's face grew fierce, probably all too aware of the listening ears on all sides of them. Emma snarled to herself. The last thing either wanted were listening ears. "Sorry."

Regina's eyes flashed. "This was _my_ choice, Emma. Mine."

Emma frowned, stung as though she had just been slapped. Suddenly she wanted this fight to be over. She just wanted to go to bed. That comment had hurt her insides in a way that she didn't want to admit. She thought of Mal's smug face and her cheeks began to burn. "So, since when are we not a team anymore? Since when do we not make decisions about our children together?"

"Em..." Regina sighed.

"No, I get it. I can tell you exactly when that changed. Whatever." She didn't want to have this fight. She rolled over onto her pillows. If Regina wanted to fight she could do it with herself. "You should have talked to me."

Regina said her name a few times, but Emma didn't respond, suddenly tired all the way down into her bones.

Was this safe? She didn't know. What would this mean?

Finally Regina gave in, muttering a few things about childish behavior and double standards. It took a few moments but she got into bed as well, lying as far from Emma as possible.

The light clicked off without Regina needing to touch it and Emma pursed her lips.

She couldn't say how long she lay there, stiff as a board and glaring into the darkness of their room before she finally gave into a tense sleep.

 

The next morning she woke late and exhausted.

For once, Regina had woken before Emma, a very bad sign.

She dressed and went to check on the kids, but apparently Regina had gotten them up and ready for the day.

As a matter of fact, the house was empty.

Emma stood in the middle of the kitchen, dazed and increasingly upset.

She tried to take advantage and get some chores done but it was too silent and her mind was too big.

Emma decided it was time to get out of the house. She threw on her sneakers, glaring at them resentfully and started to walk.

She wasn't surprised at all when her feet took her straight to Mary-Margaret's house.

"Well, hi stranger." Mary-Margaret said with a sweet smile upon opening the door.

"I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. It's a bit harder with Mal around."

"Yeaaah." Mary-Margaret breathed, following Emma to the couch where they usually sat. "I saw this morning that she was still here. How long do you think she's staying?"

Emma just shrugged, grumpy. She didn’t want to talk about Mal right now.

"Uh oh."

"Sorry."

"No, no. Don't apologize. What's wrong?"

Mary-Margaret had been the first person to welcome young Emma when she and Henry had first moved to town. At the time, she and her now husband had been going through a rocky patch while he separated from his now ex-wife and, therefore, it was the need of a confidant that brought them together. They had been best friends ever since, despite the fact that Mary-Margaret was sweet and a little conventional and Emma was, well, Emma. As a matter of fact, before Emma and Henry had moved into 108 Mifflin they had spent a few months living in Mary-Margaret's guest room.

"I don't know.” Emma grumbled, grabbing her hair and yanking it into a ponytail. “Maybe I'm overreacting."

"Well-"

"Regina started using her Craft again last night." She blurt, cutting her off.

Mary-Margaret's face blanched milky white. "My goodness! How did you guys come to that agreement? Should I – should I be worried? ...The clock tower..."

Emma gave a rude scoff. "Well, that's the thing. I don't know because we didn't. I kind of thought that Regina was considering it but... we didn't talk about it. Not once."

Mary-Margaret gaped, "So she just picked it back up... without you? My. That ex-girlfriend of her must have a strong pull over her."

Emma scowled, her anger flip-flopping in her stomach. She didn't like that her friend had come to the same conclusion that she had. "Fuck, I hope that's not it."

"I suppose..." Mary-Margaret started slowly, "that it doesn't have to mean anything worrisome. They are very old friends. She probably just reminded Regina of something that she wasn't anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if once Maleficent left, Regina were to put it away again. It’s just a midlife crisis, of sorts." She gave a little smile and Emma wasn’t sure if she felt better seeing it.

"I don't know, M.M., it was painful the first time. She was so sick. I don't know if I would want to do it again. And even if I could, that would be all well and good and - everything - but what do I do about the fact that my wife made this choice completely without me? I mean, what the hell?"

Mary-Margaret studied her for a long while, and under the gaze Emma debated if she was perhaps she was whining more than she had a right to.

"Do you think Regina was embarrassed?"

"What?" The question had not been what she had seen coming.

"Maybe the reason Regina didn't say anything was because she felt foolish."

"Honestly, I kind of assume so. But is it crazy to expect her to discuss this with me? This isn't like getting a new outfit or even a new car. We agreed that we would stop because everything has a price, every little bit can be dangerous.”

"What did you say to her when you found out?"

"We fought. She told me it was _her_ decision to make."

"Oh, I see." Mary-Margaret’s eyelashes fluttered uncertainly.

"Yeah, so. I don't know."

Emma's phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out and was pleased to see a text from Regina. The text message read: "I don't know if you're awake yet, but if you are, we are all at the lake feeding the ducks. Join us, if you would like." The text was clipped and showed no sign of Regina's usual loving warmth.

Emma scowled, her mood dropping even further. "That’s great.” She grumbled. “Apparently, they're all at the lake feeding the ducks."

"Oh," was all that Mary-Margaret said, looking pointedly across the room.

"Yeah." Emma didn't like that either.

"I didn't know the ducks were back already.”

Emma just made a noise in her throat, a little embarrassed and more than ever uneasy.

 

As usual, Ollie was the most excited to see her when she showed up, a bag of bread heels from Mary-Margaret over her shoulder and an appraising look on her face.

'Mooooommmy! Look!" Oliver threw a handful of torn up bread at the ducks, pelting them with sourdough and then squealed as they all ran and stumbled to gobble up the treat.

"I’ll save you!" Emma cried, tickling his sides and throwing him up onto her shoulders with ease.

"I hope you don't mind that we came." Regina said in a low voice so Mal, who was five feet away with Henry, wouldn't hear. "We just didn't want to wake you up."

Emma didn’t say anything and instead gave a slow nod, pulling out a heel for Ollie.

"Look, Emma, I'm sor-"

Emma roared and swung Oliver off her shoulders making him scream and break into fits of laughter. "Why don't you see if your brother has some more bread, sweet pea? Bring this in case he doesn’t."

He ran across to him, completely unaware of the tension between his mothers.

"Are you?" Emma asked in a harsh whisper. "Are you, Regina?”

Regina's lips pressed into a thin menacing line.

"Look, if you want to talk about it then let's talk about it. But not here, not in front of your ex-girlfriend and the children."

"My _ex-girlfriend_? Since when is she my ex-girlfriend instead of simply my friend - our friend!"

"Since it began to seem like _you and Mal_ made the choice to start using Craft again _without_ me," she hissed back, on the tail of Regina's sentence.

Her wife's color rose until her eyes flashed, sparking and flaring as though any moment they would be overtaken by purple mist. Regina stared at Emma for a long while, but Emma refused to back down, enraged. This was her wife! They were a team. Fight or not, weird life changing choice or not, that was still true.

Finally, Regina looked around Emma to Mal. She gave her a meaningful look and nodded once. Emma's ire rose, once angry now past the point of reason. Had Regina really just done that?

She didn't think it was possible for her to grow anymore angry - that was until Regina swished her hands and both Regina and herself disappeared.

One moment Emma was in the cool breeze beside the lake and the next she was standing in her living room across from her wife who had appeared, already sitting, poised on the couch.

"You did _not_ just do that! Our children! Did you really just leave all three of our children with that woman? Isn't that _another_ thing you should probably discuss with me?"

"That woman?"

"Yes, that woman, Regina! You might know her, but I don't! I am not comfortable with this!"

“Emma!” Regina barked, her hands slashing through the air like a gravel coming down on a podium. "Can you just stop so we can talk, please?"

Emma didn't feel like talking, she felt like breaking something, but Regina didn't really give her a lot of choice. Immediately Regina began speaking. "We never agreed we would put away Craft forever, Emma."

"What? I never said we did!"

"Then I cannot for the life of me understand why you're so damn angry about this!"

"Because you left me out!" Regina just stared at her so Emma continued. "We decided if we were going to use cloth diapers or disposable with both Ollie and Bonnie - together. We decided that Henry could go out for soccer instead of football - together. We decided whether or not it was all right for our son to shop in the girl's section - together. _We_ decided to give up Craft - both of us – _together._ Why are you acting like it's strange that I would want a say in it now? Why are you acting, Regina, like we didn't have good reason?"

Regina continued to stare for a long while before she deflated, her shoulders falling. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"It wasn't exactly been planned, Emma!" Regina snapped, louder than she had expected. "It just kind of happened!"

"What the hell does that mean, Regina? You're a grown woman, take responsibility for your own actions!"

"It _means_ that I had not expected... ugh! _Yes_ , I had been - toying with it, I admit that well enough. But the night before last I went - I went to-"

"To your vault. Oh don't look so surprised, I could smell the place on you when you came home. It smells like a college library date."

"All right, fine. I went to my vault. I just wanted to think. I began to - I was just creating balls of witchfire and I suppose I made one too big or held it too long because the next thing I knew I was on the floor."

"What?" Emma didn't want her anger to be marred, but suddenly it was knocked askew.

"I think that it – it overtook me." Regina blew by as she rushed them out, not making eye contact. "And when I woke up it was back, all right. The damage was done. It's back."

Emma stared at her in disbelief. "That's why you were so sick?"

"I don't know."

Nervous tension filled Emma's gut and she didn't know if she wanted to hug her or smack her. She wanted to tell her about Mal and the smug attitude she now held. about the fact that she was beginning to feel like the odd man out, but instead she settled on, "I didn't get a say about whether or not this is back in our life but I refuse not to be given a say in this. I am not okay with it being used on the kids. Absolutely not."

"That's fine, Emma." Regina was cool, steely again.

"Fine. Tell Mal to bring them back. Oliver's recital is starting soon."

* * *

 

 

 

Emma didn't really want Mal to join them for Ollie's recital. She was beginning to miss her life as it was before Mal's arrival. She was beginning to miss doing things as a family. It had been almost three weeks since Mal had arrived… that was a long time for company. Especially company like this. And this recital, it was too important to Ollie. No, she wanted this to be Mills family time. The only problem was she was the only one who wanted that.

She had hinted that perhaps this was something that Mal should sit out of, 'stay, relax, take a bath, watch a movie.' She had tried but upon hearing this Ollie’s little face had screwed up, oh so hurt. "Noooo! You have to come! I have a solo! You have to see my _costume_!" He had cried, his bottom lip trembling.

So here they all were. Henry, Emma, Regina, Bonnie and Mal squished into the middle of the auditorium; Emma and Regina not exactly on speaking terms and Mal and Regina giggling and whispering like school girls.

The lights went down and a series of playful shushes floated from Regina and Mal as the youngest troop of children came clattering on stage and began to jump around, dancing awkwardly to the upbeat song.

As the classes continued, Emma's annoyance and frustration rose.

It wasn’t exactly stimulating material they were watching and normally even Emma found that her eyes drooped a little when it wasn’t her kid on stage. Tonight, however, she was wide awake.

Regina wasn't watching. She was too busy whispering with Mal and not only that but, _Henry_ wasn't watching because of them.

She stared straight ahead, her arms crossed, her jaw locked as she felt more than watched Regina’s head tilt toward Mal’s, a laugh floating up from them.

What the actual fuck was happening with her wife the last few days? This recital was a huge one for Ollie. While he was, well he was technically a boy but his greatest life's ambition - according to his six-year-old self, was to dance en pointe. Male ballet dancers rarely danced predominately en pointe because of the weight and training differences between men and women, but that fact didn't stop him. No, he was insistent that he begin the training program that would get him ready and after a while his ballet mistress had agreed - if he could master the solo he had been given in _this_ recital.

It meant everything to him. He had recently been given the male lead in their little company ballet and he had loved it. Now he wanted to conquer the female too.

A week ago or so it had meant everything to Regina too.

But now she was too busy hissing with Mal.

Emma’s teeth ground. They were like that person in a dark movie theatre who kept checking their phone, distracting to everyone around them.

"What do you mean used to?" Emma heard Mal murmur with a titter. Mal reached up the thigh of her dress, drawing Emma's eye. She had been doing her best not to listen to what they were talking about, trying to stay present so at least one parent would know what had happened. Still, this sentence had caught her ear.

She didn’t know why she was so shocked to see Mal pull out a black flask with a grin from under her dress and yet she was.

All Emma could think was, 'you've got to be kidding me'.

Mal took a quick drink and handed it to Regina. Regina paused, debating and then threw back a mouthful.

Was she six-fucking-teen?

Emma watched, appalled as Regina grimaced. Henry was laughing next to her, his face shocked and awe-struck. Emma elbowed him in the ribs but it was pointless. Though he sobered for a moment, she couldn’t really fight his behavior when his other mother was the instigator.

The flask was handed back to Mal who took another sip and then, with enmity caught Emma's eye and offered it to her.

She shook her head quickly. Mal shrugged and without thought handed it to Henry.

He beamed like he had just been given a puppy for his birthday and before Emma could stop him, started to raise it to his lips as if he knew it would be taken away if he were not quick about it.

Regina laughed quietly and smacked her, taking the flask back before he could do anything with it. Emma couldn't believe her fucking eyes. Regina had just laughed. Uptight, formerly mayoral, I-keep-my-underwear-and-my-socks-in-different-drawers, A’s-and-B’s-are-the-only-acceptable-grades-for-my-children _Regina_ had just laughed when someone offered their teenage son a drink.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude." Eugenia’s face suddenly appeared between the heads of Regina and Mal. "But isn’t this _your_ kid's dance recital? Can you put that the hell away?"

Emma flushed so deeply that her eyes began to sting. She hadn't been aware that Eugenia Lucas was sitting behind them. Regina looked a bit chastened, Henry went white, but Mal just scoffed.

Anger throbbed in Emma's temples, tears pricking at her eyes. "I'm sorry about that, Eugenia."

She didn't like the look of empathy that the gruff old woman gave her back, nor the way that she pat her arm.

God, she was tired of being pissed.

But Regina and Mal did not stop their childish behavior, even when it was time for Ollie's troop.

He stepped on stage, his hair brushed back, slightly too long, in a fluffy purple and pink tutu that matched all of the little girls on stage.

Pride swelled in Emma. He was so strong, so willing to be who he was. Where did a kid his age get that kind of strength? And he looked so happy. She let out a laugh and wasn’t surprised at all to find it was a little soggy. He had worked so hard. She was sure for a moment that she saw the same happen to Regina. There was a smile on her face that rang with pride as she clapped like everyone else.

Then, two seats down from Emma, Mal began to laugh.

It started as a snicker and as it rose she felt Henry beside her go stiff. For a single moment Emma was proud of her son. He wasn’t laughing. Only his stiffness twitched once, twice, and she realized with horror that along with Mal, Henry was laughing too.

On stage Ollie stepped forward and posed, glancing quickly back at Lindsay, his best friend. She gave him a reassuring nod and he took a deep breath, his foot behind him and his little arms up and out. Warmth flooded through Emma at the display of friendship. Thank god for Lindsey.

The music began and her small son started to leap and spin, slightly awkward in the movements, just as the rest of the children were, but looking as happy as Emma had ever seen him.

Distantly, Emma realized she could hear Mal laughing again, like an annoying fly that won't leave you alone at a barbecue.

There was nothing funny here. Ollie was actually pretty good.

"I don't know if you have noticed this, Regina, but your _son_ is in a tutu." The whisper floated up from nowhere and it was too much.

Emma's fist clenched into balls, her teeth gnashing together as she waited for Regina to speak, to defend their child as she always did.

Only, Regina didn't.

Instead, she began to chuckle and Henry leaned in and whispered, "I know, right?"

Slowly Emma turned, unsure of exactly what her face was showing just then.

Regina turned toward her either to speak or to share in the laughter despite their fight, but Emma's face stopped her in her tracks. Regina’s face registered confusion and that was all the worse.

Emma couldn't do it, not right now. She got up, hunched forward so as not to draw too much attention and joined Mary-Margaret who was four rows ahead of them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Regina**

She had fucked up.

Badly.

And a lot in the last few days. She had fucked up badly a lot in the last few days and in stupid and avoidable ways.

God. She swore at herself yet again. She knew she had fucked up the moment she saw Emma's face during the recital. No, she had known it the moment she woke, bewildered and in agonizing pain on the dusty stone floor of her vault – pain so bas that she hadn’t been able to move for an hour or more.

She had fucked up and now Emma hadn't come home. She couldn’t even blame her.

She didn't know what she was thinking! Had the liquor gone too quickly to her head? _Why_ had she behaved that way? She had been a bitch all day, a bitchy dramatic child for a few days now, actually. Why?

God, she had been so cold to Emma after her Craft had been released. Yes, she had been feeling defensive because of her stupid mistake but _why_? That was no reason to treat the person she loved so coldly. _So why?_

But she knew the answer to that and she knew it very well.

It was the day. It had been pulling on her for days now, building and smothering her. It was making her irritable, it was making her crazy ever since she had stood in front of the mirror and made that small ball of witchfire.

It had not been wise for her to go to her vault at all. She had just been trying to relieve the pressure but - it was a dumb thing to do. She shouldn't have done it. Not this close to Beltane. All of the sabbats were hard, her Craft pounding on her inner barriers and demanding that she sing and dance and praise and give thanks, but Beltane - Beltane and Samhain - they were almost impossible to get through. As a matter of fact, if she and Emma had been paying attention, they would have been prepared: a vigorous workout or perhaps a trip to the beach, something to connect her with nature or work the energy out of her. That was their family routine. But - they had a house guest. They had been distracted and suddenly it was here.

And she was behaving like a cranky child.

Or who knew, maybe this was all an excuse for her _weakness_ , her pathetic weakness. She didn’t know. She didn’t know, but god she had fucked up.

She knew that Emma was mad about Mal's comment and as soon as Emma came home she would explain. She knew Mal. She knew her so well. She knew she hadn't meant any harm. If she had been pointing out anything it was simply the irony of the situation. Mal would never judge her son. Mal wouldn’t care if Ollie wore a tutu or jeans or lederhosen.

What Regina was angry with herself about was everything before that. She had been acting as though she were Henry's age.

She was _not_ Henry’s age.

She was Henry’s _mother._

Ugh, she groaned and flopped on the couch again. Henry! She had behaved that way in front of young and so very impressionable Henry! How could she teach him respect when she behaved as she had? How could she teach him about control and steadying yourself?

Thank god that Ollie didn't know how she had behaved.

"Seriously. You need to relax, dear." Mal sighed from behind her.

Regina just groaned again, rubbing her temples. She was annoyed with Mal at the moment too. Mal didn't understand why Regina was upset, not at all, and how could she blame her? Mal had never been accountable to anyone in her life. If anyone knew that it was Regina. Mal had _never_ skipped a sabbat in her life.

Ugh! Regina hated this day - and the following.

Okay, it wasn't _just_ the day. Mal had always been bitchier, ruder, more aggressive with her Craft.

Her skin gave a particularly sharp crackle and she rolled over, wondering how it was that Emma always dealt with this so well. She had let it out. Shouldn't it feel better?

"Look, love," Mal began dryly, "I think maybe you both could use a night out."

"What?" It seemed so random that Regina was having a hard time following.

"Why don't you text message Miss AngryWhinyWifey-poo and tell her to go out with the school teacher and you and I can go out ourselves?"

"Mal. I have children. I can't just go out. Also, going out tonight seems like something of a bad idea. _Also_ , talk about my wife in that way again and I will set your hair on fire."

Mal scoffed so Regina flexed and Mal's hair began to smoke. She yelped. "Fine! God damn, woman.”

Regina ignored her.

“Anyway, sixteen is old enough to watch the other two."

Regina glared.

"I can do it, Mom! Mal's right. You never go out anymore."

Henry had been playing his video game so Regina had assumed that he was deaf to the world as usual. Now he twisted around in his chair, his face eager to help.

"Yes, Regina. Let the boy show you his stuff. Besides, we haven't done anything fun since I arrived and I'm sure I'll have to be leaving soon. Come on, let's go back in time."

"Yeah, Mom. Go have fun with Mal. Don't be a bad hostess."

"Henry," Regina began, not even sure how to point out all of the things that were wrong with this idea.

"Come on. I know CPR, I know how to dial 911, I know to go to the neighbor's if something happens and I know how to call both you and Mom."

"See, Pollyanna, he's a natural. Live a little. Come on, you know Emma is out somewhere celebrating. Why not do a little yourself?"

Emma celebrating? Somehow she doubted it.

They would have celebrated. Together. But alone. She doubted it.

Mal cleared her throat. At the sight of those hooded grey eyes whispering, taunting, Regina could feel her belligerent need not to let a challenge fall.

"Besides, if you go after Bonnie is in bed then it will _really_ be no big deal." he said, back to his video game.

That did - sound reasonable.

"Come now, Regina. He is clearly capable. Here." Her phone appeared in her hand. "Text Emma."

Regina debated with herself. She opened her phone and saw that Mal had already crafted a message to Emma. "Hey babe, I was thinking about it and I think we both could use a little fun, perhaps blow off some steam. Why don't you go out somewhere tonight with M.M.? No need to rush home." All Regina had to do was press send. So like Maleficent, always so good at making trouble so easy.

"Mom." Henry groaned, pausing his game – something that was unheard of once he sat down. "I can handle this."

"All right. Okay." She clicked send. "Okay."

* * *

 

 

Regina had been bitterly surprised earlier in the evening to learn that Emma had already planned on going out, insisting that she 'just needed some time to cool down' and that she wouldn't be out late.

The harsh rudeness had struck her poorly. She understood - she hadn't been the nicest to be around over the last few days, but was this really how Emma was going to behave? Tonight of all nights?

Her surprise had made it easier to make plans with Mal. If they could figure out any plans that is. Thus far they had only made it as far as the front lawn.

"Well, I assume we can't go to the only bar in town, as that is probably where Emma is. So where shall we go on this holiest of nights? Surely there are more people who celebrate in this godforsaken town. Where are the bonfires? Oh please tell me there is skinny dipping in the bay."

Regina opened her mouth to give a suggestion but was baffled. Where was there to go? Where did she and Emma go when they wanted to have fun besides The Rabbit Hole? Especially on a night like _this_. There _had_ to be something happening in town. Did Jefferson still hold his annual gathering? Where did Gold go?

It was startling to realize she didn’t know.

Mal was staring at her with an amused look on her face, her arms crossing over her chest. "You don't know."

Regina scowled, glaring at the accusing tone.

"You old lady granny, you don't know where to go, do you?"

"Shut up, I uh, I'm just trying to think of something nearby in case the kids need me."

"Ummhmm. Lucy is asleep, so any worrying you are doing is pointless."

“Lucy?”

“ _What_?” Mal snapped, her attention on Regina fully.

"Bonnie. My daughter’s name is Bonnie."

"That's what I said. They're asleep so -" With a small pop, a tiny clutch appeared out of thin air and Mal opened it. Regina recognized the purse instantly, her eyes widening with ...envy? "Something really knocked the fun out of you, didn't it, Regina? Was it marriage? Or could it be Emma specifically?"

"Fuck off, Mal. What is with you two? I thought you were friends. Did something happen that I don't know about?"

Mal's innocently blank face told her that something had, but before she could say more Mal popped open her tiny Ziploc and pulled one white and one tan pill out. "Would you like one, Regina? I imagine they will go quite nicely with - well - wherever we are going."

Regina opened her mouth to snap her response but the words got caught in her throat. Would she like one? Yes. Of course, she would. So much so that it scared her. That little bit of freedom - letting herself fly high and free - yes, everyone wanted that. _Could_ she have one? No. And Mal knew that. The last few times she had taken one… well, everyone said that your body reacted differently as you grew older. She had scared even Mal. So she settled on glaring at Mal until she shrugged and the clutch disappeared. "I'll see you on the other side then, dear." She swallowed the pills with ease and then crossed her arms, waiting.

Regina’s hands balled and relaxed, balled and relaxed, but she had no suggestions.

Finally, Mal spoke again, "So." She lit a cigarette and Regina began to see a soft, deep dusky purple-brown glowing around her irises. The color was much deeper than it had been when they were girls but nevertheless, it expressed the same feeling.

Regina's insides began to ache with longing.

Mal chuckled, leaning so that her deep full lips were too close. It was the closest they had been thus far and Regina - she wasn't sure she was okay with it. Her breath hitched, her heart picked up a beat and, much to her horror, her lower belly clenched tight. She bit her lip. "Jealous, Regina?"

"What?" She blinked, trying to clear her head. She would have _none_ of that.

Mal's eyes slowly slid down her body, making all of the color Regina could muster splash across her cheeks in a hot, embarrassed wash.

"What?" she asked again, her voice shallow. She looked down, following Mal's eyes and found her hands were glowing their own personal shade of vibrant purple. She groaned and clenched her fist, stifling the glow. "Of course I'm envious, Mal. Now can you be helpful and join me in coming up with a plan for this evening or shall I just go inside and change into my pajamas?"

Mal's eyebrow rose, "Well, tell me. You were the mayor of this town. You have lived here for quite a while now. Where is there to go?"

For a moment, Regina considered transporting Mal to the floor of the bay.

They stood for another moment, Regina wracking her brain.

"My god." Mal groaned. "Fine. If you have nowhere you would like to go then I suppose I will take you to my little haunt. There should be something good brewing there right about now."

Regina stared blankly. Was she supposed to know what that meant?

Mal's eyes glittered and suddenly Regina remembered. "Mal, no!"

But it was too late. The cloud of mauve had surrounded them and they were gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Regina**

* * *

The moment the cloud dissipated the energy hit her like a brick to the face and Regina crumpled to the ground, her stomach heaving and her heart beating as though it were trying to break free of its flesh cage and skip away from her.

"God - damn it - Mal! I said I wanted to stay close!"

"We are... close.” She could see the shrug Mal had probably given without even looking. “Only a phone call away as a matter of fact, no matter where we are in the world."

"NEW YORK IS _NOT_ CLOSE!" She tried to sound forceful but her stomach and her head gave a lurch at the same time and she moaned, her forehead and nose pressing into the soil.

"Oh so you remember this place, do you?"

She heard the note of pleasure in Mal's voice and couldn't help but to chuckle a little into the dirt. Did she remember this place? How could she not? It had been years and she was still surprised that she was able to walk correctly after the last time they had been there. Regina tried to look up at her, but she couldn't, her stomach heaved and the world around her seemed to spin. Her eyes closed and she desperately pressed her cheek back against a cooler spot of the ground. Did she have a sudden fever?

"Mal.” She croaked. It was too much. It was too strong. She could feel it beating over her like an ocean wave and she wasn’t sure she could stay afloat. “I'm not ready for this yet. It's been too long! I only just got it back."

"Just give it a second. It will pass."

"MAL!"

"Stop being a pussy, Regina. You're going to have _fun_. You know _fun..._ or are you not allowed to have that? When was the last time you put away the mom jeans and danced skyclad under the Beltane moon?"

"Oh no!" Regina huffed against the leafy forest floor, ignoring the insinuation Mal had just made. "ALL of my clothes are staying on."

"Fine, you wet blanket." Mal pulled her up to her feet.

She stood like a ragdoll, hanging every so slightly from the spot where Mal held her, eyes closed tight. Regina's head swam, the pulse of the energy slamming into her mind over and over again.

“Open your eyes.”

Slowly, Regina did.

Her vision was watery as her eyes stung with the pain so it took her a few moments before she realized where she was. Mal had her under the triceps, holding her in place with shocking strength. Her eyebrow was cocked, those smoky grey eyes burning a smoky purple, like fire, and her lips, so full and soft, hovered a breath from hers. Regina stopped breathing. "Take what you need," Mal said in a thick, raw voice, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her tightly against her. Regina blinked, groggy and sick. Mal’s lips parted, waiting for Regina to latch on and pull as much of Mal's essence as she needed.

It took a second for it to sink in under the pounding pain and when it did Regina recoiled, scratching and tearing out of Mal's grasp like a cat dropped into a bathtub. That was all she fucking needed, to take from Mal – to heighten her already too large essence – to take from Mal after she had taken a dose of Magic. _That_ would surely equal a safe and pleasant night where she was fully in control of herself. "Absolutely not!" She tried to remain on her feet but it was impossible. She swayed and then dropped back to her hands and knees with a growl of defeat.

Mal gave a disappointed tsk. "It will make it pass. You could be done with it. Right now."

"Shut up, Mal."

Slowly, far too slowly, Regina's head began to steady and she was able to take a deep breath.

"Better?"

"Fuck off." But it was better. She leaned back until she was tentatively sitting. "Mal, I can't be this far away from the kids."

"Please tell me what the difference is when you can be _anywhere_ in an instant." Mal was leaning against a tree, smoking a cigarette and wearing a haughty grin.

Regina couldn't argue the logic. She could be anywhere in a moment’s time. And besides, other things were beginning to distract her. She took a large breath and her eyes closed... rose... bergamot... oranges... pine... spring grass... charcoal. She could smell the energy that flowed so near to where they sat and though they had not passed into the sacred circle yet, she could feel it entering her, talking to her, taking her, dark and sweet as molasses.

“See.” Mal purred. “Isn’t it nice?” She could feel the change in Regina.

Regina barely heard her. Slowly the pulse that had felt as though it wanted to beat her brain into a bloody pulp began to transform, no longer menacing but soft, smooth and inviting, a steady welcoming pull instead of a grinding pulse. A tingling warmth started in her _manipura_ like a flame coming to life and began to glow, spreading like warm honey.

“Oh...” was all she said. Her body slumped back to the ground and she let out a guttural throaty moan as the tingle slid up her body, pooling in her _Ajna_ and _Svadhisthana_ , nudging those chakras into a roaring triumph while her _Sahasrara_ hummed happily.

My god. She sucked in air, gulping it by the mouthful. She hadn't felt this in so long. The pulse quickened and she realized she could hear drums - bells - voices singing chants. The sounds grew, taking over her mind bit by bit. Her fingertips began to throb, matching the drum rhythm and soon the throb began to move, climbing down her body to circle her nipples and then settling strong and stirring in her clitoris. It was everything and nothing all at once. She gasped, her back arching off the ground for a moment before she fell.

Quietly, she began to hum, singing the soft whispered melody she heard traveling through the trees, through the dirt and the leaves. Somewhere, outside of her herself, she thought she heard another voice join hers, wrapping around hers as it flowed in tandem - familiar and wild.

...When she opened her eyes again she was smiling.

Mal met the smile with one of her own and offered her hand. "Now there's my girl," she breathed.

Without a second thought, she took it and stood, going willingly enough back into Maleficent's arms. She gasped when her electrified body touched Mal's, her eyes snapping shut. She wanted to curl in, to rub against that other energy.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded, her chocolate eyes a softly changing violet, and hand in hand they stepped through the circle.

* * *

 

 

It had been so long since she had last been here and yet it felt as though nothing had changed. The circle was huge, spanning past Regina's eyesight. Throughout were large tents glowing with amber light, housing groups of people, sleeping or talking, dancing or passing various colors of vapor between them, else with heads thrown back in lustful embraces as only could be found at Beltane. Between the tents, here - there and everywhere, were men, women, and children sitting on the floor or spread across huge tree stumps shuffling tarot cards, or surrounded by stones and crystals of all shapes and colors. Though many were strewn everywhere simply lying, singing softly, joining their voices with the hum that surrounded them.

In the middle of the circle, was a huge ring of roaring fires, spreading light over the tall multi-colored Maypole that stood sentinel in the very center of the clearing. Surrounding it and each individual fire were people in every state of undress dancing and singing in joyous celebration.

She had forgotten. She had forgotten what this world was like. It was so unlike the world she lived in now. With her mind she could taste the smoky cinnamon flavor dark energy around her.

Regina took it all in, glowing from the inside out.

"Well. Where should we begin?" Mal asked.

Regina grinned but remained silent, still absorbing.

"Perhaps with a wardrobe change?"

It took Regina a moment to focus enough to realize that Mal had changed them. Together, hand in hand, they now stood skyclad as the day they were born.

Mal had always been a traditionalist in this way. Or perhaps it was better to say the tradition pleased her.

In truth, the majority of those around them were in the same state of undress. It wasn't sexual, it was natural - a way many of their people celebrated. However Regina slowly shook her head, "I told you," she said in no more than a whisper, "that I will not be naked tonight." She waved her hand and she was clothed in a thin hemp dress. She looked down at it for a moment, gave a slow blink and nodded. "That's better."

A little girl and her father, laughing and singing, bumped into them. His grin faltered when he caught sight of Regina's glowing eyes. This she was used to as well.

If the glow were vibrant like Mal's then they would know that she had taken a substance to achieve the glow. But since hers were light, soft and buttery, there could be no mistaking the personal power. People were always torn about their response to it.

The little girl shimmied out of her father's grip and one her toes were back in the grass, reached up. Habitually Regina reached down and lifted her, settling her on her hip. Mal scoffed. The girl looked deeply into her eyes, her own a soft pink and kissed Regina's cheek.

"Thank you, little one." Regina sighed and placed her back on the grass.

The father and daughter left and Regina took another deep breath, breathing in the scent of her.

Her thoughts skittered over Ollie – over Bonnie, wondering what they would be like here but the thought was not solid and it didn’t stay.

Mal threw back her head, laughing a little.

And with that, they began to run. They were turning, twisting and leaping, their bodies dancing to the rhythm of the drum, joining those that circled the Maypole.

Life became feelings and colors as Regina spun, gasping and singing. Warm brushes of yellow, deep flashes of green, cold touches of blue. She twirled and leapt, taking them all in, letting her voice join the sounds of the universal one above and below her. She was dizzy, but she embraced it. Her body was growing hot, needy, but she simply let it rise and fall of its own accord. People brushed against her, sometimes taking from her, other times embracing her and moving on and she simply allowed it. She brushed, she touched, but she didn’t take.

When she grew tired she fell, breathing hard and fast onto a nearby tree stump and let her body spread across it, stretching her muscles. It was warm here, not far from a fire. She felt long and spread, her hair tumbling over the side of the stump, her feet spread in the grass, keeping her connected. She grew comfortable, her eyes watching the twinkling of stars above her as they too spun and swirled.

A small flicker of gold caught her eye and she watched as one of the dancing stars broke away from the other, streaking downward like a lazy shooting star. She watched it until the tiny pixie landed on her stomach, stepping tentatively and sniffing this new surface it had found. It poked at the hemp of her dress a few times before deciding it liked her warmth and curled up like a cat just over her _Manipura_. She watched it sleep for a while, pleased when one or two landed to join it before she closed her eyes and let herself see with her mind. The stars that had swirled and danced above her were clearer now, their beautiful pixie faces giggling and playing some nonsensical fae game. She looked, but she wasn't sure where Mal had gone, perhaps she was still dancing, perhaps she had found a partner to touch and taste somewhere in the field.

She watched a small boy launch himself at his father who caught him, spinning him in the air like a top before their lips met in a chaste kiss and each pulled away, a wisp of silver and green between them as they lovingly shared their essence.

A group of teenagers were laughing, awkward teenage boys shoving each other and making small pops and sparklers for the group of girls five feet away.

Across the fires a man's back arched as he held tight to the woman below him, slowly moving in and out of her with the beat of their shared rhythm. She could feel the love of the father and son, could feel the elation when one of the boys made a sizzling pop and one of the girls looked his way, could feel the round pleasure as the woman’s hips bucked to meet her partner.

It was all so beautiful. She felt so connected, a small part of a larger organism here.

Then, like a silent pull, she noticed a small skyclad boy a few stumps away, watching her.

She opened her eyes and rolled over, the tiny fairies fluttering away, squeaking in annoyance.

"Hello," she said with a smile, resting her chin on her folded arms.

He looked up and she found that his beautiful blue eyes were old and wise. "Hello sister." He looked at her for a moment longer before he insisted. "Come."

She stood and sank to her knees before him, feeling his ancient wisdom swirling around him. She took a deep breath, drinking it in. She felt small beside him, like a young girl and like a young girl she wanted to run and hide under the covers of his bed and avoid the thunderstorm. She wanted to curl up in his essence that smelled so much of warm cigar smoke and bound leather.

He rose and softly touched her face with his little boy hands. "You have much sadness, sister... such indecision and anger with yourself - about yourself."

She took a deep breath, the beat swaying her and began to silently cry under the weight of his gaze. There was no block here, no hiding so she told the truth. "I am - I am not like others." She tried to turn her face away in shame but he held her with a tiny hand.

He touched between her eyes and his look became a faraway stare, "Ah." he said softly, "I see. Your strength is your weakness. So much pain for you and others, but sister, she loves you. Don't you know that?"

Her silent tears came again, though why she did not know.

"And she." His look became a foreboding storm cloud. "She is dangerous. A wounded dragon in your sacred chambers. She has lost everything and in return she will take everything."

She watched his face, hearing more than listening.

"Come." He said again.

She let him gently pull her across his large tree stump, stretching out long and not minding in the least that at some point he had removed her hemp dress.

He picked a small clear stone from the air and let it rest against her stomach. She closed her eyes and watched him, the clear quartz sphere glowing like a ball of witchfire as he began to roll it, muttering under his breath.

She gasped and let herself slip into oblivion, feeling the hate, feeling the sadness begin to drain, filling the stone with a vile mud colored smoke. When the clear one was full he produced a soft pink sphere, and then when that was full, a purple and finally a deep jet-black. Then he settled, cross-legged beside her and simply rest his hands on her chakra centers one by one. Mental weight began to fall away from her and in its place a soft joy began to fill her, spilling into her dark places, warming them and caressing the spots of her soul that hurt.

"There you are."

A darkness fell over her, throwing her into shadow and her eyes automatically opened. "I've been looking for you." Mal grinned a familiar warm smile and reached for her.

Regina reached up to take her hand as well but before she stood she paused, caressing the smooth face of the boy. "Thank you, brother." And then she was up.

She saw those old eyes in that oh so young face grow sad but before she could pause any further, before she could ask what troubled him so, she was distracted laughing as Mal yanked on her arm, pulling her away. She pulled her against her beside the roaring firelight and began to move.

They had danced this way a thousand times, Mal's arms around her - naked under the full moon. It was easy and comfortable. They began to buck and swirl, keening and crying out as they danced. She had forgotten the beauty in this primal thing, in giving in to celebration, in giving in to the wild in you in this respectful way.

Regina let herself be passed from arms to arms, sharing a moment of soul connection with each before moving on to another. She felt it, felt a tug of familiarity inside of her when the arms that closed around her naked frame were her friend's.

Those arms closed in tightly, her hips melding to Regina’s, her crying keen hot and uninhabited.

The air around her changed, the sweet cinnamon filling with something earthy, a musty sandalwood. The warm, clean place Regina now held inside of her began to fill with hot, burgundy-red desire. Her hips swayed, grinding against the hips behind her. Her chest began to tighten, the beat which had stayed warm in her sacral began to pick up pace, demanding. She moaned and let her body grind harder on the body behind her. She could feel the natural and yet sharp arousal of the woman she was pressed against and it filled her, making her aware of her body, of her want.

In her mind she watched the pairs around the fire, clutching in tight embraces, some in love, some in carnality and she wished that... she wished... she wished that Emma were there.

"Emma!" she gasped like a woman breaking the surface of water.

The body against her stiffened.

Emma. Oh, she wanted Emma. She turned in the arms of the nude body. "I'm going home."

The arms held her tight, not wanting to let go but it didn’t matter.

One second she was dancing skyclad for the honor of Beltane and the next she was standing, dressed in her Keds and pullover at her own front door.

Her skin was electric, her pulse hot.

Emma. She wanted Emma. God, she needed her love.

She unlocked the door and found the house quiet. It was late. Had she known how late it was? What time was it? She could hear four sets of lungs breathing even and steady in sleep. She tiptoed up the stairs and into their bedroom, relieved to see Emma asleep under the blankets.

Quickly she pulled off her clothes and slipped under the comforter.

Her boiling skin cooled the moment it touched Emma's, delightful enough that she felt her eyes roll as she pulled herself on top of her, urgently beginning to rub her body against Emma's and letting her face fall into the dip of her neck.

"Wh- Regina?" The voice was muffled, sleepy and Regina found it irresistibly sexy.

"Mmm, hello lover," she whispered, her hands making quick work of Emma's pajamas.

"Regina? What are you doing?" Emma took a deep breath and seemed to taste Regina's state.

That was something she loved about Emma. She was so understated for such a big power.

"Oh! Uh. Whoa!" Emma cried, surprised by what she could smell, what she could taste.

She wrapped an arm tightly around Emma, wanting to absorb her, breathing the clean and bright scent of her essence, the smell her mind loved most. Her heart gave a strong thwap of recognition and she felt the tendrils that connected them begin to intertwine.

" _Oh Emma_."

Her mouth closed on Emma's and Emma let out a surprised groan. Their lips parted, their tongues brushing and pushing and Regina continued to rub. She felt hands clasp her body pulling her tighter and Regina whimpered, clutching at Emma's breast, slipping a hand between her thighs.

"Oh! Jesus!" Emma cried out and Regina, without thinking twice moved her lips to her throat and began to mentally suck, stealing Emma's voice in a wisp of white vapor as they had done so many times when they were young to avoid waking their sleeping son.

"Emma." Regina breathed, chanting her name as her fingers began to swirl gently across Emma's soft bundle of nerves, building the wetness there until with a gasp she plunged into her wife.

Emma's silent mouth curled into a large O and her head hit the pillow hard before she pulled Regina even closer, her mouth seeking hers, her hips beginning to rock to meet her wife.

Regina sighed, enjoying the feeling of Emma, the crackle of energy where their hearts were connected. Emma frantically reached between them, her hand finding Regina. Regina's forehead fell, pressing against Emma's and –

Instantly Emma shoved her off, scrambling and falling across the bed.

"What?" The severing of the connection was a painful one and Regina tried not to cry out as her heart ripped and ached. Her hand covered the spot above her heart, holding it as though it were bleeding. “Emma!”

Emma grasped at empty air, grabbing her voice and shouted in a muffled whisper, "What the _fuck_ , Regina?"

Regina keened, unable to hold it in any longer. "Emma. Come back, please. I want you."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"What? What do you mean?" she asked, her mind beginning to spin.

"Your eyes are purple." Emma didn't say it as though she were worried or even upset. She said it in the cold monotone of a wife telling her alcoholic husband that she can smell Brandy on his mustache.

"Oh. I know, baby, but it's nothing. I'm all right. I didn’t - I'm here. Come here." Emma didn't move and that cut across Regina like a dull blade. "Emma, I'm in control. Mal took me to a gathering, that's all. It's - did you realize its Beltane as of midnight?"

Emma's blue eyes flashed dangerously. "You went to a gathering with Mal?"

She frowned, confused as to why Emma looked - so angry. She was herself. She was in control. She hadn’t taken. She hadn’t-

Then she remembered.

"Oh.” The warms drained from her quickly. “Oh, we were fighting. I forgot." The words were almost a whimper. Sadness crashed around her as she remembered this silly needless fight. She just wanted her wife near her, she wanted to be with her she - missed her. Everything amped up the way it was, her heart physically hurt in her chest. She needed Emma to be with her.

"It's not about that!" Emma bellowed, all volume control forgotten.

A sudden startled cry began from the nursery and Regina watched Emma grow even angrier.

She didn't understand.

Emma pulled on her clothes, ignoring Regina's pleas to talk with her, to explain what she wasn't understanding. "Emma, please. I just - I was there tonight and I just missed you so much. Please, can we stop fighting? I'm in control, I promise."

Emma paused, on her way out the door, her face crumpled. "Regina. You're, for lack of a better word, high. You didn't want _me_. You never want _me_ when you're like this."

She shook her head. No, she wasn’t though. If she was high on anything it was spirit, not anything Emma couldn’t join her in. "No, Emma, baby, please come back. I'm all right. I promise. I'm not high. Really. And I did, I miss-"

"How long did it take, Regina? How long until you lost yourself again like a fucking junkie?"

"Emma!" Regina cried, anger instantly replacing the hurt. "I am _not_ high and I am most certainly _not_ a junkie! Look at me. Do I seem _high_? Why does it have to be this way with you? Isn't it fucking possible that I just wanted you? How often can you see that in my eyes? I know you see it. So why the fuck are you acting like this?"

"Why are you?" Emma bellowed back. "Why have you been acting like this? All secretive and weird. You've been so busy playing hooky with Mal that you haven't even noticed something is not right with us! Something is not right with you! Something changed - and I don't even want to think about what it is because when I do-” Emma’s words choked off as she thought about whatever it is that Regina knew she wouldn’t share. “Look." Emma growled, the sadness wiping off her hurt face and turning to stone. "Whatever. I'm not completely sure what is happening with you since Mal got here but the next time you need a scratching post-" Regina heard the side table open and something hard hit her in the bare chest, "use that." Emma turned and disappeared through the door.

Regina looked down and saw their little purple vibrator resting in her lap.

She began to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For inquisitive minds: The Manipura is the solar plexus chakra. It's often considered to be dead center and is about personal power (to put it minimally). The Svadhisthana (also sometimes spelled Swadhisthana) is the sacral chakra, aka the pelvis and is all about sexuality and pleasure. The Ajna is the third eye (forehead) and it's about intuition and magicks. Sahasrara is the crown and it's all about the connection to the divine.  
> Also, before this story I had never written anything like this. I'd love to know what you guys thought of the gathering.


	14. Chapter 14

**Emma**

* * *

Emma had apologized the next day but barely. Not because she wasn't sorry, because she was. The moment she had left their bedroom, all lust hazed and confused, she had stopped to lean against the wall and swear at herself. Why had she said that? Why had she behaved like that? Just because Regina’s eyes looked like purple fire? Regina was clearly right, she was in control. Purple eyes didn't mean she was lost, just - very full of her own Craft. She _knew_ that. She knew the difference. She had heard Mal mention once that she needed Magic - or Regina's own essence - to reach that kind of connection and honestly Emma had never tried to turn something so natural into something artificial, but Regina, if she were out of control then Emma would have known it. She would have looked different, her eyes wouldn't have been glowing that soft, almost beautiful purple. She would have looked like a glow stick.

She had been a complete douche. If it wasn't because of her eyes then what was it? She didn't even know.

Still.

The next morning she found she couldn't look at her.

She had gone about her morning tasks as usual, showered, and then had gone to apologize to Regina. She had meant it to be heartfelt and full, but she had walked into their bedroom and Regina had been pacing, wringing her hands and clearly worried. Mal hadn't returned as of yet and since the circle was only cast from dusk to dawn that was worrisome. Watching Regina pace like that for Mal's sake, her eyes a brownish lilac had made the apology fall flat on her lips. The words came out dead and without feeling.

It didn't really matter. She wasn't even sure that Regina had heard it.

"You don't understand, Emma." Regina had insisted when she had given up and moved on to the topic at hand. "Mal could literally be anywhere. It wouldn't surprise me if she had ended up in a ditch after a gathering like that one. She didn’t do it the way that I did.”

 

Emma wasn't as relieved as Regina to find Mal on their doorstep an hour later, looking absolutely fine. Emma wished that part of her had been bleeding or at least bruised for the amount of effort Regina had put into worrying about her.

She took the children to their usual activities, not surprised when Regina and Mal opted to stay home.

In the car, she began to think. She was tired of this. She was tired of the fighting.

Was she willing to try to fix it all and possibly fall flat on her face? Maybe she needed to be willing. This was her _marriage_ after all.

But when she arrived home the energy of the house felt different.

Regina was hurt, that much was clear and while she had been vulnerably hurt the night before, she had been _willing_ to talk. Now, with Mal at her side, Regina had closed herself off. She had become a brick wall of stone, and ice. She had barely said hello to Emma when she arrived home.

Emma watched Mal and Regina talk in low voices and tried not to feel the chasm that was building between herself and the love of her life.

They needed some time to talk. Would Regina allow them that? Would Mal?

Henry had gone to do his own thing, Ollie was coloring, and Bonnie was taking a nap so she was free to sit. She did, but not in the living room. Instead she crossed from the open living room and to the kitchen bar. She pulled out her phone, not exactly sure what she wanted to do on it.

"I am finally going to show Mal the Rabbit Hole tonight.” Regina turned, though she wasn’t exactly looking at her, was she? “Can you watch the kids?"

She had asked, but Emma didn't really get the impression that she had the choice to say no.

"Yeah, that's fine."

She wanted to tell Regina to send Mal, let her go find Ruby again and they could stay home and talk. Things were getting weird so fast. She tried to get her alone so she could say that, but it was almost as if Mal were glued to her side, glaring at Emma through thick, smoky eyes.

She knew that Regina had told her what she said the night before.

She gave up.

So that night Regina and Mal dressed up, Regina in a pair of jeans that might be a little too small and Mal in a tight number that made Emma want to hit her and they disappeared into the night.

 

"How come you're not going too, Ma?" Henry asked from the couch across from her as the door closed behind Regina. "I did fine watching Ollie and Bonnie, right?"

"You did." She gave him an honest smile and then made something up. "But how can I go out when I need to kick your ass in this video game?"

She tried not to think about it.

Her wife and Mal had left at nine. Henry went to bed at 10:30. Then she was alone.

She made herself a drink and tried to resist the need to pick up her phone and call Regina home, reminding herself that while it felt like Regina had forsaken her - at least a little bit - it wasn't true. They were just fighting. A bad fight, and for a little while now. In the end, her wife would always be in her corner. They were married. They had a family. They loved one another. Regina was just going through something. They would get through this. It wasn't as though Regina was the only one acting badly. Emma was also acting uncharacteristically... she didn't know, but she knew it wasn't good.

She flipped through the stations and was pleased to find that the Sex and the City movie was just beginning.

 

_Fourteen Months Before _

_"Please! They are killing me!"_

_"I don't know... they smell weird."_

_Of course, Emma was going to give Regina the foot rub she was all but begging for but it was still fun to tease. Though - perhaps teasing a woman this far into pregnancy was not a smart idea. Regina was lying across the couch, her belly so large that Emma had lost sight of her face. "Okay, okay. I got you." She stood and kissed the swollen belly and then her wife's lips, "Do you remember where we were?"_

_"Um..." Regina took a loud bite of her carrot and chewed. "Big had just done something stupid. Oh, no, perhaps it was Carrie."_

_Emma laughed. "You just described half of the show! No, all of the show! Oh, one of the girls was dating someone too, right? And Samantha, she was sleeping with someone?"_

_Regina scoffed and flung the carrot at her._

_Emma danced out of the way, laughing and sticking out her tongue._

_Regina’s face crumpled as she realized that her snack was now out of reach. "Wait. Give that back."_

_"Oh, I don't know, babe. You used it as a weapon. I'm not sure you should get it back." Regina frowned with her whole face, her best version of Emma's oh so convincing puppy dog eyes._

_"Oh!" Regina suddenly cried. "Smoking! There was that man and he didn't want her to smoke."_

_"Ahhh, right." Emma picked through the DVDs until she found the right one and without paying much attention tossed Regina the carrot._

_Clearly Regina hadn't been paying attention either because she let out a yelp, half a second later, as the carrot smacked into the side of her face._

_Emma just stared at her for one beat - two - three and then the blank and utterly shocked look on Regina's face took Emma over and she began to laugh. She laughed until her knees grew weak and she flopped onto the floor. She laughed until she rocked back and fell with a smack onto her butt, making Regina laugh too. They laughed together until big fat tears poured down their faces._

 

She and Regina had loved watching the show. It seemed as though the only thing that made Regina feel better when she was too pregnant to move was watching the ups and downs the four women lived through.

It had been a happy time.

Now, on the couch by herself over a year later the characters, at first were like old friends and she felt a blanket of comfort. She sipped her drink and settled under a throw, one ear listening for the sounds of Regina's return. She thought she would change the channel if she heard them coming. She didn't want to share that memory with Mal.

Then Mr. Big, the idiot that he was, sat there in his limo watching his gorgeous future bride walk into their ceremony by herself and she was in tears.

A few minutes later as Charlotte clutched her sobbing best friend, becoming a human shield between Carrie and Big - Emma couldn't take it anymore. She downed the rest of her drink, turned off the movie and cried. Things with she and Regina weren't all that bad - yet. After all, things couldn't be "bad" this quickly. "Bad" took time to develop. They were still - in a rough patch. But she was beginning to wonder.

She got into bed.

She wouldn't think about it.

Mal couldn't stay much longer, surely she had a life to get back to. Did she really intend to leave, though? And if she did, was she intending to do it with her wife in tow? Would Regina go?

There was a suspicion, a paranoia beginning to worry the back of her mind, but - she wouldn't let herself draw it to the front. She wouldn't. She couldn't. There was - no way. Regina….Regina loved her.

She tried to stay awake, so she would at least know that Regina arrived home safely, but she failed. Keeping her thoughts at bay was tiring work and the effort of it rocked her into a fitful, haunted sleep.

 

When she woke the next morning Regina was nowhere to be seen but there was someone in the bathroom getting violently, and noisily sick.

She frowned up at the ceiling, pleased in some strange way to see that at least the sheets on Regina’s side of the bed looked slept in. When was the last time that Regina had gotten so drunk that she was sick the next morning? It had been years. Regina knew her limits.

She stood, hating that she was unsure if her presence would be comforting or upsetting and finally decided to knock on the door. "Babe? Are you okay? Can I help?"

Regina didn't respond, of course, so she clicked open the door and was surprised to find Regina hunched over the toilet and Mal sitting on the sink, looking amused and sipping her stupid triple venti, soy, no foam latte. The image of a fly caught in a spider web sprang to mind as she watched Mal's devilish grin spread.

She knew she should have been angry to find Mal here in her bathroom, once again not letting Regina out of her sight, but - she couldn't find it in her. Instead, she simply said, "Oh, you're not usually up this early" and felt everything inside of her go dead. It was almost as though she was watching herself get pushed out of her place by Regina's side, wasn't it? Or had the action already been completed?

She and Regina _had_ to talk.

"I'm not usually, but Linda Blair here woke me. I'm trying to get her to drink this," she held up a glass that looked like water, but Emma knew better. "Only, she has to stop doing that first."

Emma’s mouth opened... closed... opened like a fish. She had no idea what to say.

"I guess you two uh, really hit the town last night, didn't you?"

Neither answered. Emma stood in the door for another second, wondering how exactly to stand her ground here. She could demand Mal leave the bathroom, but for what?

Mal’s eyebrow rose and feeling stupid Emma went to get dressed.

She had always fought for Regina, that was just who she was. But how could you fight for someone who showed absolutely no sign of wanting you to do it?

They needed to talk.

They needed to talk.

They needed to talk.

The words rang through her head on repeat.

 

Ollie had a birthday to go to that morning so she got him ready and took him. She wasn't surprised to find that Regina and Mal had vacated the house once she got back.

Depressed, she made herself a cup of coffee and began to tidy up.

She felt foolish when her breath caught at the sound of someone knocking at the front door an hour later.

Of course, it wouldn't be anyone she specifically wanted - meaning a free and available version of her wife - but she was pleased to find it was Mary-Margaret.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as Mary-Margaret let her son out of his stroller. He immediately rocketed to the small basket of toys they kept downstairs.

Instead of answering, Mary-Margaret hung her coat off of a chair and asked, "Where is everyone?"

"Err, yeah... Ollie’s at a party and I think Henry is still passed out upstairs. I'm - I'm not sure where Regina and Mal are." Mary-Margaret frowned, but Emma moved on quickly, pretending she didn’t see it. "Coffee?"

"Sure."

She poured the cup and then sat expectantly, waiting. Finally she said, "Well?"

"Well, nothing! I just wanted to check on you. I know that the other night you and Regina were having a hard time so - I just wanted to see how you were. Is everything okay with you two? I mean, really. Not in a silly, we're fighting way, but really, are you two _okay_?"

Emma stared into Mary-Margaret's hopeful and wanting to help hazel eyes and felt instead of a secure comfort a wave of humiliation.

"Yeah. Pshht.” She blew out and ran a hand through her hair, leaning her chair back onto two legs. “ Yeah, no. Yeah. I dunno. I just - I don't know if I can handle much more of that bitch."

Mary-Margaret's always proper face turned pink and then red. "Emma! Do not talk about your wife that way! Hard times or not, she -"

"What? Oh. Yeah, no. Not Regina. Maleficent."

Mary-Margaret's face froze for a moment, processing, cleared and she tittered behind her hand. "Oh! Of course. That was silly of me.” She sipped her coffee slowly, her eyes aloof. “Did... something else happen?" She hedged, trying to look casual, but Emma wasn't buying it for a second. She was beginning to wonder why her friend was here.

"Maybe. I guess so. You know how she texted me the other night when I was with you? Regina, I mean."

"Of course. It was a sweet thing to do during a fight."

"Yeah well, I don't think she was trying to be sweet. Honestly, it's all so uncharacteristic that I wonder if maybe she was - forced? Does that sound crazy? Yeah, it does. I don't know, maybe I'm just turning Mal into a villain now, but _my_ Regina would never do this. I don't know what the hell is up. Anyway, what she didn't say in that text was that she and Mal would _also_ be going out."

"Oh." Mary-Margaret frowned.

"Yeah, she left the kids and the house in _Henry's_ hands."

" _What_?"

"Yeah. Thank god we decided to call it an early night. Everything was fine, Henry is so much like Regina that I think we could probably leave him in charge and he would manage it. He could probably handle anything. So anyway, around midnight, she shows up all -" she paused, awkward, which only made Mary-Margaret grow awkward too.

“All?”

Emma gave her a meaningful look. “All... _you know_.”

“Oh.”

"Yeah, anyway. Then I see that her eyes are purple."

"Oh no!" Mary-Margaret moaned and covered her face with her hands. "What was she _doing_? She wasn't - was she still-"

"I think she was in control. But, it turns out the reason she was all" she made a quick frantic gesture to skim over the word the suck out in her mind: _horny -_ "was because she and Mal had gone to a gathering."

" _No_!"

"Yeah."

"Wait. Wasn't that night... "

"Beltane? Yeah. So my wife went - with her ex-girlfriend - to honor the sabbat of sex and fertility - with her ex-girlfriend. I uh, was kind of a bitch to her when I found out."

"Emma..." Mary-Margaret pat her shoulder softly.

"So... best case scenario my wife was out dancing - probably naked - with her ex - under the full moon - which _by the way_ was in Gemini, Mal's sign. And worst case scenario - well, it was Beltane. There was probably a lot of sexual energy floating around. I mean, I could smell the place on her. It was _dark_ , not like the circles Virginia and Ivy cast. Anyway." Emma shook her head, pushing those thoughts away again. "Then last night she and Mal went out again."

"Emma.” Her best friends face was etched with worry, her hand rubbing over Emma’s. “You need to talk to her. Maleficent needs to go."

"I know. I'm just not sure how. I think that Mal needs to go, but I'm pretty sure that both Mal and Regina don't think that. I, at least, need to know _when_ she will be leaving. I get that this is her oldest friend and everything and so I need to kind of let her be here but - ugh, I'm just so tired of fighting. It's been one thing after the other recently. Everything is so weird - wait -" Then the finality in Mary-Margaret's tone sunk in and she looked up into Mary-Margaret’s face again. "What?"

Mary-Margaret's face was pained, nervous and clearly apologetic for what she had to say.

Dread made Emma's spirit sink. Her friend knew something. Those ominous and paranoid thoughts whispered dirty little words in the back of her mind, stirring up images that Emma didn't want to see. "Tell me."

"Well." She took a deep breath and Emma thought she might burst. Just rip off the Band-Aid, M.M. Just do it fast. "I went out last night with Ruby and Belle. We went to The Rabbit Hole for a few drinks and -"

"And Regina and Mal were there." Her stomach twisted into knots. She almost didn't want to know and that surprised her.

"Yes." Mary-Margaret breathed down at the table.

She was having this conversation. She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation. Emma took a deep breath, trying her best not to allow it to stick in her chest. "Okay. _Tell me, please._ "

Mary-Margaret looked as though she would rather not. "Well, it seemed like maybe they were already drunk when they got there. They were being really loud, shouting and laughing. Craft was everywhere. They were using it _so_ much, Emma. The whole place smelled of their essence, which was weird because it has to be _really_ strong for me to smell it since - you know, I don't have it. Anywooo, at first they were kind of the life of the party. They were buying everyone drinks. The bartender was so busy. Regina even got one for me which shouldn't have been strange; Regina and I have been friends for years, but - she didn't seem like herself. I don't know, she was - creepy." Emma watched the woman fidget at the thought. "She brought Mal over to meet me and well, she just isn't a very nice person, is she? She didn't even know me yet the first thing she did was make fun of my sweater! And it was my cute blue one!"

Emma gave a jeer. "Yeah. I'm realizing she isn't the nicest person in the world."

"Anyway, it seemed like the more they drank the wilder they became! They were throwing darts and - dancing-" she began to look uncomfortable again. Emma had to look away.

"With each other?"

"And others." Mary-Margaret insisted, quickly. "They had most of the bar around them and Emma, Ruby was so angry. I mean, she was crazy. We were all going to just leave because they had, well the party was quite loud, but Ruby wouldn't go. She was just sitting there watching the whole group and getting angrier and angrier. Finally, she went over there and said something to Mal and oh my god, Em, they got into the biggest fight right there in the middle of the bar. They were yelling and screaming and Regina, well, she just sat there like - like -"

"Like she loved it." Emma finished for her.

"Yeah." Mary-Margaret breathed.

Emma nodded. She had seen it before, the smug look of superiority. It was the look Regina had always held whenever Emma had defended Regina's honor. It was the look of smug satisfaction Regina had always held when Emma had willingly and openly laid a claim on her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Emma**

* * *

Emma had tried to insist that Mary-Margaret tell her more, but she had refused, promising that it 'wouldn't be helpful'.

"Well, did they kiss?” She had cried, almost frantic. “I mean, did you see-"

"Oh no! Nothing like that!"

Mary-Margaret had squeezed her hand, but that hadn't made Emma feel better.

Once Mary-Margaret had gone Emma had simply sat, staring at the wall and wondering what to do next.

The word was pounding on her inner control, fighting to be free, fighting to destroy Emma's happiness and the life that she had created.

 _Cheating_.

Was Regina _cheating_?

It was beginning to seem...

What should she do next?

Should she ask?

God, but if she asked then Regina might... tell her.

And worse, what if she asked and she was wrong? Which, of course, she would be! She probably was! Regina would never...

God, how had they gotten here? It had all been a whirlwind. She didn't understand… it had all happened so quickly.

When Regina came home an hour later she seemed cheerful enough. She and Mal been to the farmer's market, a weekly chore of Emma's that frankly she loved doing. Regina crossed toward the kitchen, bags in hand, but paused when she saw Emma's face.

Emma had no idea what was there, but she couldn't imagine she looked good. She tried to smooth her face but it wouldn't budge. Her stomach was too twisted for her face to calm into a fake smile. Because - she already knew. It all made sense. The Craft. The attitude change. The coldness. The fighting. She already knew.

"Emma?” Regina gasped, sounding for once as of late, like her wife. “What's wrong?"

Emma didn't know how to answer.

Mal sauntered her way through the living room, as though she were in her own home instead of Emma's and dropped the bag of groceries on the kitchen counter.

Emma watched her go before her heavy eyes rolled back to Regina. She looked different again, or was it in her head? Maybe it was just that as her view of her changed so did her physical presence? She didn't know. But that thought frightened her enough to say what she needed to say. "I need to talk to you." Her voice was supposed to be strong, authoritative, a wife demanding five fucking minutes to speak to her significant other alone. Instead, it was weak and pathetic because - what should she do now? She had been cheated on before in past relationships but they were _married_. What did you do when it wasn't a silly fling, but _your wife_ that was cheating?

Emma hated herself for that moment of vocal weakness.

"Oh, don't mind me," Mal said in response to Emma, lighting a cigarette and taking a seat in front of the TV a few feet away from them. "I have hours of shows I need to catch up on."

Emma waited to see what Regina would do. She, personally, wanted to kick Mal square in the ass, but instead she just watched Regina, feeling that us vs them feeling and she was on the wrong side. Finally, Regina's face set. "Okay, come on."

They got up and climbed the stairs to their bedroom.

Emma sat on the bed, but she didn't feel any better. "She can still hear us. Coming upstairs didn't give us privacy."

Regina nodded and waved her hand through the air. "All right. Now she's in a room at Granny's. What's wrong? Is it time to fight some more?"

Ouch. Emma tried not to wince. Regina - she had always been nasty when she was pushed far enough but - ouch. She looked into Regina's face, hoping to see some remorse for her hasty words, but to Emma's deep sadness, she saw none. What she saw was a hazy distant look as though Regina had too many drinks. She wasn't drunk so - what was that about? Regina was clutching her sides, wrapped around herself as though she was trying to hold herself in place.

It was her turn to speak. Regina was waiting for her. There were so many things wrong that she wasn't sure where to start.

"Regina, how long is Mal going to stay? It's been a while now, are there any plans for when she's going home?"

Regina scoffed. "Is that a secret code for Mal needs to leave now, Emma?"

"No. Yes. No. Answer my question, please. Have you guys even talked about it?"

"Actually yes."

"Oh. And?"

"She was thinking perhaps she would leave at the beginning of next week. Why?"

The words got stuck in her throat. She wanted to ask this tactfully, worried that blindsiding the woman would only make things worse but - they were stuck. "Will you tell me about the gathering?"

"What?" She watched Regina visibly shake.

"I just - how was the gathering?" She felt stupid. Foolish. But the words she actually needed to say - they were too much. Too big.

"You mean, you want to know what I _did_ at the gathering."

"Regina. Please. You're being so defensive. Can you maybe just drop the attitude for a minute?”

Hot fire lit in Regina's eyes and Emma immediately knew that had been the wrong thing to say, "Oh gee." Regina's voice was dry and hard, hitting Emma like a stone. "I wonder why I'm feeling a bit defensive."

"Regina."

"No, Emma. You can't just act like a jackass whenever you want and expect me to simply take it." She began pacing.

“I’m not – I don’t mean it like – I’m not trying to attack you. I...” Her words faded as alarm quickly began to build the more Emma watched her move, momentarily distracted. Regina’s arms were tight around herself, her hands clenched so tight that she was tearing into her sweater and - she was twitching, her movement's jerky and tense. She looked like a windup doll with old rusty cogs. She had never seen her like this before. "Wait, what?” she finally cried. “I was rude the other night but I apologized!"

"Yes. _Some_ apology."

Emma just stared at Regina, unsure of what to say to someone so hostile, so ready to turn on her in a moment. She stood and took Regina's face in her hands, trying to get a good look at her, but Regina moaned at the contact and jerked away.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm just a little on edge."

Emma watched her, horrified. Was this too much Craft or too little?

Regina shot her a glare and Emma just looked back, trying to find the right words. She had to ask. Regina was waiting for her to ask. She had to say something.

The pressure built as they remained silent until finally the cork popped. "Are you - I mean, you're not kind of still into Mal, are you?"

Regina laughed bitterly, her lips pulling back into a snarling jeer. "I see you had a visit from Mary-Margret today."

"That's not an answer, Regina." Finally. Finally, her voice was gaining some power.

Regina groaned. "Is anyone ever _really_ over their first love? Not entirely. You have told me so much about your first girlfriend, what was her name?"

"Kendra."

"Right."

"I said I still had a _soft spot_ for her, that's different."

"It is. If what you are really asking is if I'm in love with Mal then the answer is no. I've been happily married to you, remember?"

"Happily?"

Regina stopped moving and almost stumbled. "Is that supposed to mean that you haven't?"

"Regina!"

"No, please!" Regina snapped, sarcasm dripping like venom. "Tell me, Emma. Is that what your question was supposed to mean?"

"Are _you_ happy with how things have been?"

Regina just glared at her.

"I'm just asking if I have anything to worry about, Regina."

"Do you think you have something to worry about, Emma? Aside from whatever the town busybody told you, that is."

"Hey! Don't talk about her like that. She's been there for me more over the last little bit than you have."

"Well then tell me, are _you_ sleeping with _her_?"

Emma's eyes popped wide, her depression stirring into anger. "Did you really just ask me that? Who _are_ you, right now, Regina? What the hell is wrong with you? You look like you're crawling out of your skin! Plus, how was that even the point? Did you just say that to be nasty?"

"Who am _I_? I'm the same person I was yesterday, and last week, and last year. _You_ just never _knew_ me!"

"Stop saying things just because you know they will hurt me!” Emma cried, her arms lifting and dropping to her sides in exasperation. “That's just low. I know that's not true. You know that's not true. Before Mal got here things were a little boring maybe but we were happy!"

" _Oh, so happy_!" Regina sneered.

"Hey!" She could feel Regina winding. She wasn't sure what was happening, but she was beginning to get a nervous wary feeling in her gut.

"You know, Emma, I never would have thought you would be the jealous type."

"Jealous? I'm not fucking jealous and if I were jealous then it is because you have given me a reason to be."

"How? By trying to enjoy my life for a few weeks? By allowing myself to be _who_ I am?"

"This isn't about your Craft!"

"Yes, it is! This and _everything_ is about my Craft. You could never handle me when I used it. That is why you took it from me! You-"

"Took it from you?" Emma hopped to her feet, yelling over Regina's words. "I didn't take anything from you! Have you forgotten? We agreed! For our children! For _your_ sake! What is Mal saying to you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking crazy?"

But Regina didn't seem to hear her, busy ranting at top volume until the word crazy popped from Emma's flustered mouth.

Regina froze and Emma's heart leapt. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"I AM NOT CRAZY! You just can't handle me, you can't handle me wanting a little bit of _life_."

"Does 'life' mean doing whatever the fuck you want whenever you want it?" She knew she should apologize, but she couldn't, not when Regina was looking at her as though she were a bug that needed to be squashed.

Regina took a menacing step forward so her face was inches from Emma's. For a fleeting moment, Emma wondered if her wife was about to strike her, instead, she just watched the face she had fallen in love with rip and smolder with contempt. "You know what you are, Emma? You're pathetic." She growled in a rough, sultry and dangerous voice. "All that power and you waste it. You say you don't like how it feels. Bullshit. You're just afraid. You're a wimp. And you're boring. And you're _jealous_.”

"Yup. Jealous." Emma scoffed sarcastically. "Because that makes sense."

Regina's face only grew more desolate as she studied her. "What kind of spell have I been under when it comes to you?"

That knocked Emma's sarcasm away. "WHAT KIND OF A SPELL ARE YOU UNDER NOW?" Emma bellowed at the top of her lungs, hurt, bleeding. She began to cry and that only made her angrier. "THIS IS NOT YOU! IT'S LIKE A SWITCH WAS FLIPPED AND YOU CHANGED OVERNIGHT! I DID NOT MARRY A NASTY HEARTLESS BITCH, I KNOW I DIDN'T, BUT THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE ACTING LIKE NOW!" She shouldn't have called her a bitch. Damn it. Fuck. That was her anger speaking, her hurt. It's just - it was like fucking Invasion of the fucking Body Snatchers.

She opened her mouth to apologize, but Regina's hand flashed out and grabbed her by the throat. It wasn't hard. It wasn't even slightly painful, but it scared a sob out of her as she looked into those dead flickering eyes as they slowly transformed, filling.

"Oh, but you did." Regina hissed. "Didn't you know that? I'm not just a bitch, Emma. I'm also evil." Regina's face turned into an innocent pout that mocked everything Emma ever was or ever had been. "Oh." she pouted, "Didn't you know? You tried to clean me up but there is no getting rid of evil, baby. So just fucking deal with it." Regina's lips pressed hard against hers in a kiss that felt more like a punch and then she released her. "Do me a favor and leave me alone."

Hate filled the room. She could smell it. She could taste it. Emma stared, shocked and heartbroken. She didn't understand. She had seen Regina out of control. This wasn't it. When she had been out of control in the past she had been like a human tornado. Now, she was a like a wild animal, hissing and biting. This - this conniving... she had no idea.

She stood on unsteady legs. She had not hurt her, not at all, yet could still feel the handprint on her throat and –

 

_ Eight Years Before  _

_"Wait!" Emma pulled and since they were connected by the hands with the small simple silk ribbon that had just bound them as one, Regina had no choice but to follow._

_She yelped, tripping over her dress, but Emma caught her and they laughed as they sank into the darkness of the doorway._

_"They're going to wonder where we are!" Regina whispered, but she made no movement to pull them toward the room full of people waiting to drink to their handfasting._

_"Let them."_

_Regina beamed and Emma found those stunning brown eyes were more intoxicating, more delicious, more wonderful than anything she had experienced before._

_"I don't know if you know this, but you just married me."_

_Regina gasped, a grin appearing on her lips. "I did."_

_"You're my wife now."_

_Tears built and spilled down Regina's cheek. "I am."_

_"I love you."_

_Regina grinned, a tight-lipped, if-I-relax-I-will-sob kind of grin and clutched the back of Emma's neck till their foreheads met. She kissed her fiercely, a long passionate kiss and a few more tears fell. "Oh Emma. I love you. So much. Forever."_

 

Emma was crying again. She was crying harder than she could handle in front of Regina right now. So she headed toward the door, her own hand still lightly touching her throat. "Be off with Mal when I get back, okay?"

Regina gave her a small, disparaging curtsy.

Emma nodded. Shit. Had she really been worried about cheating a few minutes ago? It was clearly so much worse than that. Emma turned from the cold face. "Yeah. Okay. Right."

As she closed the door behind her she mentally whispered the three words that she would give anything to hear right now. 'I love you.'


	16. Chapter 16

**Regina**

* * *

Regina slowly rested herself on her bed and then when that wasn't relieving enough she laid down, staring up at the ceiling, watching the popcorn pattern slant and move.

Her temples throbbed a steady _boom - boom - boom_ and with it the edges of her vision blurred, cleared, blurred, cleared.

She knew she had just been in a fight, but she was fuzzy about the details and that was strange.

Emma?

Yes, Emma.

It had been... Emma was upset about... it had been...

Her brain began to trail off, thinking about nothing. It was almost as though she had slipped into a long day dream - zoning out and staring at nothing.

All she knew was that she was still amped up. Her skin was on fucking fire. It had been since the gathering though... perhaps it had been a bad idea to build that cabin today.

Absentmindedly her fingers began to flick, sending little sparks and fireworks across the ceiling above her. It was both relieving and inebriating.

Was she in too deep?

Maybe she shouldn't have built that cabin.

But if Mal was going to stay then she needed somewhere to live.

It had been invigorating... right?

Maybe she shouldn't have built that cabin.

She and Mal and stood in front of the stone pile of ruins in silent contemplation. Then, without a word to let her know she was going to do it, Mal had taken a step back and lit a cigarette. Regina had conjured a chair and, crossing her legs, had gone to work. Stone by stone Regina had sat there, feeling her excitement, her heady essence build as she worked, orchestrating her giant 3D game of Tetris. At some point she remembered thinking she needed to be careful, otherwise she would go too deep, build too much but, no, she was fine. She knew her limits.

Then she had forgotten. The intemperance was too delicious.

Long and skinny piece, between the two fat ones.

Square between the rectangles.

Punch out a circle for the window.

By the time the large cabin was standing she was gasping - though - it had been strange, new. It wasn't exhaustion that made her gasp - it was more like she was - drinking, trying to pull more from the air.

She thought she might have accidentally taken some of Mal in.

They had stepped inside and Regina had just stood, admiring her handy work with smug satisfaction.

The place was cute. A fireplace, a large warm looking bed, kitchen, and bath. It wasn't large, but Mal could expand on it bit by bit over the next few years.

She produced a large jet of red, shooting it at the ceiling and after a moment, Regina distantly realized she had scorched their bedroom ceiling fan.

Oops.

She heard footsteps on the stairs, but she could already smell who it was.

Good timing.

The door opened and Mal sat on the bed beside her.

Regina's skin responded instantly, stinging and biting, sizzling like water in a pan full of hot oil. She closed her eyes and tried to swallow back the excitement. It was just their connection, just as their voices had risen together in the circle. She was her best friend, she knew everything about her. This reaction was nothing to pay attention to.

"It could have been Emma up here instead of me," Regina said, blankly.

"No way. I know that goodie two shoes essence anywhere, all freshly cut grass and sunshine."

"You underestimate her, you know." She said it casually, not giving it much thought. It was just true.

"Do I?"

Regina went to argue, but she wasn't sure suddenly. She couldn't think straight with her temples throbbing like this. She needed - she needed to rest quietly and let it drain a little bit. She was too close. She needed to either answer the call her skin was screaming or - perhaps a cold shower.

She could push herself over that edge by letting herself build or she could do it with Magic, either way it wasn't advisable and she was – she was so close right now.

She squirmed. Her excitement both mental and physical had been growing since she built the cabin. It was too much. She couldn't stop it. She had almost bent Emma over and fucked her. Why hadn't she? That would have helped, maybe even stopped it. Wasn't she allowed to do that? She couldn't remember.

But oh, that's right. Emma wouldn't have welcomed that.

Emma didn't welcome sex.

Her lower stomach gave a quiver and she shot another red spark at the ceiling.

"I can sense you. Did you know that? That's why I always... responded so well to you."

It took Regina a moment to process her words, too busy feeling the throb with her whole body. Shit, she needed to let it drain. A shower. A shower and a nap. "Hmm?"

"I can feel you. This is how I always liked you best. On the edge. Riding that sweet spot, right on the line between control and sweet _utter_ chaos."

Regina shot another spark.  She was mildly surprised when Mal threw a willowy leg over her and rest herself easily on Regina's hips. She couldn’t think.

She gasped at Mal's feral growl.

"Wild and beautiful." Mal bent and ran her nose up the side of Regina's face, breathing deeply and groaning. "This is when you're the best. This is when you taste the best." Mal took another long drag of her scent. "This is _you_."

Regina growled deep in her chest, her teeth biting her lip. The pounding in her temples hit harder and though she wanted to let it drain, she was feeling it build, begging for a long, animalistic release. Her head was swirling. Her hands went to the hips on hers of their own accord and ground them into her, her head throwing itself back at the pleasure.

Mal moaned and leaned down, taking Regina's lips.

Surprise hit Regina square in the face. What had just happened?

She felt Mal's tongue slip past her lips, the barbell through it teasing her own and groaned, her back arching. Oh god, this was exactly what she needed.

Hands clutched either side of her jaw as Mal's back bowed and she pulled away, a long lightning filled purple cloud of Regina's essence flowing between them. Regina panted, her hands clenching and unclenching, needing, her hips moving. God damn it, _needing_.

Mal's eyes flashed a deep purple, faded then her lips came back to hers and Regina met them fiercely, grinding, groaning. Mal pulled more of Regina into herself before they rolled, Regina throwing herself atop of the dusty blonde, their tongues warring, their hips grinding, rubbing.

Mal rolled them again and broke the kiss, her eyes twinkling with hazy mischief. "Let's do something fun."

Regina just snarled a grin.

* * *

 

 

An hour later Regina found herself crouching behind a tree somewhere in the middle of the forest, in front of a large tin looking trailer.

She had taken that cold shower and with it some of the pounding had decreased but her energy... it had stayed high.

"What are we going to do?" She had asked Mal as they had appeared in, as far as Regina could tell, the middle of nowhere.

"We're going for a ride."

"What?" Regina frowned and then grunted when Mal slammed her into a tree. “Wha-”

“Shhh!” From somewhere not too far away they heard the sound of the metal door opening, some shuffled footsteps and then the door closing again.

Together they peaked around the tree and Regina's eyes fell on the sexiest thing she had seen in a long while.

The smooth low motorcycle stood out in obvious contrast to its surroundings looking like a diamond ready and waiting to be plucked. The bike was long and sleek, looking like speed and lust and - what do you know - it was even her favorite color.

"Ah, I see." She smirked, finally understanding.

"You used to be quite the car thief back in the day. You haven't lost your touch, have you?"

Regina scoffed. "Taking candy from a baby. At least, give me something difficult."

"Well then?" Mal gestured for her to lead the way.

Regina's eyebrow popped and she closed her eyes. One moment her hand was empty and the next there was a small key in her palm, a tacky Chinese medicine ball keychain dangling off of it.

They clasped it and giggled as it let out a musical tingle, freezing to see if they had been heard but nothing moved around them except the trees.

"Okay.” Mal admitted with a shrug. “But no Craft. Not until you're clean away."

"My, you do like to make things difficult, don't you?"

Mal grinned and bit her lip.

"All right." Regina droned, her temples throbbing ever so slightly.

Mal grinned, excitement in her eyes and quickly pinned Regina to the tree, kissing her savagely.

Regina gasped. When they had kissed earlier Regina had - not exactly been herself. She hadn't been totally in control. But now - she could still feel the thunderous power raging through her, she had a feeling that wouldn't go away until she drained herself again but she, at least, had her head fully... for the moment. She pressed her hands against Mal's shoulders to kindly push her off - only - oh, it felt so good. She felt her hips lift off of the tree and rub, just a bit, against Mal's. They both groaned.

Then Mal pulled away, her face smug.

She turned to go, but Mal caught her wrist. "You know what. While we're on the subject, you know what I'm fucking tired of?"

Regina frowned.

"I am just so sick," Mal said slowly in a thick, cutting tone, "Of the mom jeans - and the mom shoes -"

"Oh." Humiliation rolled through her as usual.

"I just - I can't look at it anymore."

"I uh-"

With a swirl, Regina disappeared within a puff of mauve. It felt like nothing and yet she knew it was so much more than nothing. When it cleared Regina was smirking, her eyebrow high as if to say, oh really now?

The mom jeans were gone, so was the shapeless jacket and the shoes - hell even the extra weight was gone. In its place were skin tight leather pants, soft and worn, a tight black stretchy shirt, her favorite leather jacket and her tall lace-up black boots. She could even taste her brand of wine-y colored lipstick on her lips. While she had always been a rebel in heels, this had been her favorite outfit of her youth.

"I suppose I could have done that." She said, surveying all she could see.

Mal just shrugged. "At least this way I'm going to enjoy the show so much more when you're crawling to that bike."

Regina scoffed and turned. The coast was clear so she began to slink across the forest, bent to avoid detection. She could feel eyes on her. She turned and Mal had followed her word, her eyes glued to Regina's round ass.

She scoffed and stood, feeling – feeling sexy - for the first time in a long while. She stretched and purred and then, just as she would have all of those years ago, she didn't slink to the motorcycle but instead walked up to it purposefully as though she had every right to be there. She leaned the heavy bike up, flicked up the kickstand and began to push. At first, the motorcycle didn't want to go. It always surprised her how heavy these things were - every single time. To look at them, you wouldn't think - anyway - she pushed harder and it began to roll.

Her heart was pounding in her chest and the harder it pounded the more she enjoyed it. She bit her lip, trying to hide a laugh as her temples thrummed, her sex grew moist and her eyes danced.

Eventually, she turned, smiling at Mal, who was smoking a cigarette against the tree, and threw her leg over the bike, liking the feel of it between her legs and rubbing a few times for Mal's benefit.

Mal took one long appreciative look at the leather clad woman grinding her sex on the bike, her mouth round with pleasure, before appearing at her side.

"Would you like to ride bitch?" Regina purred.

Mal's eyebrow popped. "Oh, I'd like a ride alright."

Regina knew she shouldn't but - she had already done the act - and - ooooh it felt so good that she couldn't help herself. She reached and took another long kiss.

Mal threw her leg over the bike and pressed the entire length of herself against Regina's back.

Regina moaned before shaking her head and quickly preparing the bike. Then with a smug and entirely inappropriate gesture of her tongue in Mal's direction she stomped down hard.

The cold engine gave a small, pathetic rumble and then fell silent.

Red humiliation flushed across Regina's cheeks as Mal howled with laughter, clutching her so she didn't fall off the back of the bike.

"Careful Mal. We wouldn't want you to accidentally be thrown, now would we?"

It took two more kicks before, sudden and rumbling the bike roared to life between her legs.

Mal groaned, clutching tighter. "That's better."

"Ummhmm. Shut up, bitch." Regina said in a teasing voice.

"HEY!" They heard from somewhere behind them. "FUCK! HEY!"

"What's his problem?" Mal asked, watching the man hobbling down his stairs.

"Wooden leg," Regina answered in a dry monotone. "Are you ready?" She conjured two helmets and they put them on, more for the convenience of whipping hair than safety. Feet on leaves pattered behind them, the bike owner yelling profanities as he shambled toward them.

"Are you kidding?" Mal sighed. "I am so ready."

Regina leaned forward and with the scream of an angry tiger they were spitting dirt behind them, roaring for the twisting forest road.


	17. Chapter 17

**Regina**

* * *

It was incredible, the closest thing to flying that Regina had ever experienced. They roared through the trees, the wind biting at them as they soared.

"WHOOOOOOOO!" Regina screamed with exaggerated joy as she took a sharp curve in the road at far too quick a speed, their bodies coming too close to the road for most to feel safe. But Mal never once tensed, never seemed worried. She trusted her.

She wondered how Emma would do on the back of a bike like this.

Not as well.

She took another turn, the black road coming up to meet them, feeling like it was only centimeters away and all she would need to do is move her elbow even the slightest bit to take then down.

They righted and Regina kicked up the speed.

She had always loved a good bike ride. God, it had been years.

She wondered if that was why Mal had suggested it. That woman - she knew her so well, her ins and outs. Not like Emma. Emma thought she knew her but - she didn't know _this_ her; not the one that she had hidden under lock and key for so long.

A moment of sadness washed through her but - fuck it. It was already done. If she was going to go to hell - she might as well enjoy the trip.

She took another curve and heard the high screeching of their tires.

She didn’t want to think about that so she let her thoughts fly from her, filling her lungs and screaming, "FUCK IT! AOUUUUUUU!" she howled like a wolf.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she could feel Regina - the Regina who cuddled her kids, made love to her wife, went to soccer games with orange slices and graham crackers and didn't think of Emma - the love of her life - boring in the slightest. She could feel her kicking and screaming, fighting to break free.

Regina didn't have time for that boring bitch. Not when she was hitting warp speeds on the back of this sexy monster.

Another ten miles per hour on the speedometer shut her away - for good.

* * *

 

 

Regina wasn't even sure what state they were in by the time they pulled into a little roadside diner in the middle of nowhere, but it was clear they had found a commonly used biker road because the diner looked like a biker hangout at its finest.

Out in front were rows and rows of motorcycles of all shapes and sizes, makes and models. Men with large beards were standing around outside, smoking and talking, all wearing various vests with names and patches of different types and styles.  

"Clearly, we have come to the right place."

"Let the drinking begin," Mal drolled.

Regina clicked off the bike, her leg long and strong in her heel as she kept the bike upright.

Mal jumped down and headed inside, but Regina took a moment. She pulled off her helmet and shook her hair out and let the helmet rest on the bike.

She felt - good. She felt amazing actually. She was in control of her Craft, for the most part - kind of. Enough. She felt alive, sexy, delicious. She stretched just to feel the tendrils of seductive pheromones that she released.

Across the parking lot were a group of men and a few women smoking, yet all had stopped talking to stare at Regina.

Regina hid a smile and winked.

The youngest man dropped his cigarette.

Mal had given her a gift when she had changed her back to herself and while the Working would not hold on its own, Regina would keep it up. Emma could stay in her mom shoes and teenage boy hoodies. Regina wasn't going to.

"Are you coming or not?" Mal called from the doorway. Regina grinned, still feeling the eyes on her. In one fluid motion she hooked her long heel on the kickstand and brought it down in a move that better suited Catwoman that an average person.

Inside was not as Regina would have expected. It wasn’t dark and crowded, smelling of cigarette smoke with photos of local biker celebrities on the walls. There was no pool table, nor taps of shitty beer. Where was the _Sons of Anarchy_ vibe? The tables and booths were filled with men and women all wearing those same leather vests, chatting and laughing with a few kids here and there clearly fresh off the back of their parents bikes.

"Oh god." Mal groaned, looking around in disgusted horror. Still, she took a seat anyway.

Regina found she didn't mind the ambiance and that annoyed her. She was trying _not_ to be that woman. _That_ was the woman she was locking away.

 

They didn't stay long. Mal found the children annoying and once Regina jumped up to save a little girl from bonking her head on the table - and then fell into a conversation with her parents about Bonnie - Mal was ready to go.

"This time you're bitch, bitch." Mal teased, a little more aggressive than she might have been before. Regina didn’t argue.

The ride wasn't quite as exhilarating from the bitch seat, but Regina let her cheek rest against Mal's back as they flew and for just a few minutes she let herself think.

Emma had said so many hurtful things lately. She could feel all the little cuts, all the burns inside of her still throbbing.

But then again so had she.

She didn't think she would ever forget the pain her heart had felt when Emma had wrenched herself away from her after the gathering.

What she was doing wasn't right. She wasn't a fool, she knew that. She wasn't going to let it go any further, no matter how good, how freeing it felt to be wanted as much as Mal wanted her. Emma was never going to forgive her as it was.

She turned her face a little and hid it in Mal’s shoulder blade, trying to rid her mind of the image of Emma’s face as she tossed the vibrator at her.

She had been... she was so hurt.

 

When Mal pulled over in the middle of a leafy field Regina's mind was still whirring.

"Whatever you're thinking about, stop it. It's making you no fun at all."

Regina forced a laugh and produced a blanket which she flopped onto with a sigh. Her hand went automatically to her stomach and she laughed aloud to feel the deep dip that she had always known before two children.

"What?"

Regina pulled up her shirt and looked at her smooth skin. "It just feels nice."

Mal crawled over her and raked her nails across the bare skin. "Always been one of my favorite parts of you, though... not my absolute favorite."

The nails felt like heaven on earth, making her skin crawl, wiggle and squirm, but she grabbed Mal's wrists. "Oh? What's your favorite part?"

Mal's lazy smoky eyes rolled down her body, lingering on the red marks Regina knew Mal had left. "I suppose if you're lucky you may find out."

Regina sighed, dropping her hands and looking away. She knew Mal wasn’t going to like this. "No, Mal. We can't."

Mal frowned, honest confusion passing through her eyes. "Are you feeling guilty, Regina?"

" _Of course_ I am."

And she was. The more she remained calm, the more that the pressure of all the Craft she had used as of late drained, the more shitty she felt.

As her head calmed she remembered more and more of what she had said to Emma in their bedroom. She hadn't meant it. At all. But she had said it. It had been her self-loathing talking. _She_ was weak. _She_ was pathetic. Emma - Emma had always been brave and strong. She thought of Emma's warm, soulful eyes and had to stop when her heart gave a painful rip. She stole one of Mal's cigarettes and lit it, even though she had always hated cigarettes.

"You're feeling guilty about that shitty life you were living? My god, Regina, I've never seen someone begging so hard to be saved, to be plucked -" Mal leaned in and began to suck on Regina's collarbone, "to be fucked and sucked."

She closed her eyes, tying to hold on to her breathing. "Mal."

She felt Mal’s body slump, annoyed. “Okay.” Mal rolled off of her, but leaned heavily against her thigh. "Tell me what's going on in that beautiful head of yours."

Regina's lip twitched into half a smile, flattered as Mal had intended her to be. "I just - oh I don't know. My life wasn't all that bad."

"Wasn't it? Are you trying to tell me you were happy?"

"No. I'm not exactly saying that either. But...” She searched for words. “There was nothing that would make room for this." she waved her hand toward Mal. "Things were just a little boring. Did I ever tell you that we only had sex on Friday nights?"

"That, my dear, sounds like reason enough to let me twist you into a pretzel."

Regina laughed and tried to ignore the instant heat that developed between her legs. She didn’t bother to tell her that Friday nights had become perfunctory, maybe even had been since Friday had become the routine. "Did I tell you that Emma called me a junkie on Beltane?"

"What?" Mal hissed and with a whoosh loud enough to make her jump, a small tree behind her caught on fire.

Regina extinguished it easily, without thought even and nodded. "And she called me crazy today." She frowned, feeling the emotion come on and not wanting it. "I don't think she meant it but..." She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep it from happening but still she couldn't help it when she began to cry.

So they sat in the clearing for a long while, until the sun began to sink and while they sat Regina talked. She told Mal of the loneliness she never knew she had felt, about the sorrow of missing her life, herself, her wife. She told her of how it felt to be a beautiful woman trapped in the body of an awkward one. She told Mal of the depression of no longer feeling welcome in her wife's bed unless it was a very specific time and place and the paralyzing confusion about how to handle that type of masked rejection, let alone to handle it knowing you had helped to create it.

She told her of being unhappy and Mal listened, kindly stroking her face and offering small words of understanding.

When Mal kissed her again she could feel a difference in her companion. There was no sexual arrogance or charisma. This kiss was purely her best friend, someone who cared about her, someone who loved her - in a way - telling her so. She felt warm, safe, cared for. So she let go of her head and let it happen. And it was the last time that Regina was fully _in_ her head for a long while.

Mal had leaned over her to take the kiss, keeping it kind, warm and polite at first, but she could tell Mal had gotten more of a reaction from her than she had expected.

She felt Mal hiss and slowly pull herself atop her again.

Regina gasped as Mal sat purposefully on her hips and rolled.

"Oh god." She cried and clutched Mal, remembering what she would feel like, remembering what she would taste like.

Mal began to kiss, to bite along her neck and jaw and Regina was losing control, not of her Craft but of her body. Her hips rose and fell in rhythm with Mal's, her sex throbbing and aching, quickly spilling hot liquid into the lacey panties Mal had put her in. That thought of that, of the fact that Mal had put her in those lacy panties paired with Mal's hands greedily cupping her clothed breasts had her eyes rolling.

She swore when Mal ground particularly hard and Regina felt the pressure in just the right spot. The feeling made her shake.

Their lips weren't bothering to meet. This wasn't sweet, this was lusty, bodily. There was no room for affection and Regina didn't want it.

She groaned as Mal squeezed, reaching for her nipples through the layers and Regina, hatefully found that all she wanted was for the barrier to be gone. She shoved Mal back a bit and ripped off her jacket and shirt. Mal attacked, licking between her breasts, her cold palms making Regina yelp as they found her ribs. Mal ripped the base of her bra upward and Regina's breasts were free.

Regina let out a long, loud cry as Mal's mouth closed on a nipple, making Mal chuckle.

"You always were a screamer."

"Fuck off." Regina cried, but the words were lost in another moan as Mal continued her work.

Regina couldn't think, not that she wanted to. Her body was begging, dripping, rocking, and screaming demands. She was building faster than she ever thought she could. It was almost pathetic.

Mal pulled herself to the side so she could unbutton Regina's leather pants and then thrust a hand inside the lacey panties.

Regina's back arched and she swore.

Mal gasped, her eyes deep and sharp. "Oh baby." she moaned. "You're _so_ wet, fuck you're so wet." She began to very gently slide her hand back and forth, sliding her fingers flat up and down Regina's sex and Regina felt her toes curl. Her own hand went to her apex, covering Mal's hand from outside her pants, holding it there as long fingers began circling her clit.

"Oh fuck." Her body was contorting, bowing into an M as she sucked in air and began to, as best she could, smack Mal's arm. "Um - Mal – Ahhh..." She gasped, trying hard to mentally back away. "Mal - it's a oh, oh - it's been a little bit since - craaaap - since any sex – not since – since yooooouuuahh, got here - ahhhhhh - let alone - fuuck - good - fully uh satisfying sex -"

"And?" Mal asked, sucking on a nipple.

Regina couldn't hold it in. "FUCKI'MCOMING!"

She gave up and just let it wash over her, bucking and swearing as Mal teased her clit until she fell flat onto the blanket, tense and embarrassed.

There was silence for a moment... two... three.

"Well, that was fun." Mal laughed, dryly. "But-"

It hadn't been the best orgasm that she had ever had. As a matter of fact her need seemed to rear up in annoyance, yet when Regina felt Mal readying to enter her, she yelped, grabbing Mal's wrist. "Wait."

"For?"

"I'm not ready for that."

"You've got to be kidding me? I have my hand in a rather large puddle that disagrees, Regina." She shoved her off and yet, she was chuckling.

Mal grinned back, something sly in her look. "Alright. Hop on the bike. There's somewhere I've been meaning to take you."

"Oh? You? In my town?"

 

Regina didn't know what to think when she found herself sitting in the parking lot of the only local gym a few minutes later. "You know, I can't say what I thought it would be but I can say that this isn't it."

"Shut up, Regina."

Mal snapped and the camera that had been live above them whirled a last dying breath. "Come on." She interlaced her fingers to give Regina a boost over the wall.

Regina stared at the hands. "Why?"

"Because I fucking said so. Come on."

"You know we can just-"

"Yes, but doesn't it feel more like breaking in this way?"

"Fair enough." She placed her foot in Mal's grip and pulled herself up, shocked that she could still do this. When she was straddling the top she reached and pulled Mal up as well. They both landed with a loud clack of heels.

"Alright, now what?"

They were in the outdoor pool and hot tub area. Regina watched intrigued as Mal went to the side of the hot tub and flicked on the switch.

"Ooooh." Regina purred, intrigued. She was about to conjure a swimsuit when Mal pulled off her top and bra. Regina felt her center began to quake again. She leaned against the fence and watched Mal undress fully.

She had always had an amazing body. Her ass had always been perfectly shaped, her hips wide and curvy, her breasts full and round. Her tattoos had been added to since Regina had last seen her naked, her dragon no longer alone across her ribs. She now had an intricate design covering half of her body, wrapping around one thigh, up her stomach and ribs and circling around one of her pierced breasts.

Mal may have adopted a conservative black tie look, but underneath she was clearly still a freak. She loved it.

Regina's mouth began to water as Mal stepped, nude, into the suddenly roaring hot tub and groaned as she lowered herself in.

"Are you coming?"

Regina scoffed. "Probably fairly soon."

Mal licked her lips in response to the joke and did not bother to avert her eyes as slowly, Regina stepped out of her clothing.

"Better?" She asked, marveling in the feeling of confidence as she stood with her hands on her hips, naked.

"Much."

She stepped into the water and sighed as she leaned back, closing her eyes. "Oh my, I need one of these at home."

Mal laughed and caught her foot, beginning to give it a quick rub.

"Oh boy, I forgot just how much you know how to turn a lady's head."

"Don't you know it." Mal stopped and Regina heard a small pop.

"Time for a party favor?"

"Would you like one? I don't have any blends on me."

Regina shook her head, not bothering to open her eyes. The water was hot in just the right away, easing the thigh muscles in her body and in her mind.

A few moments later she felt Mal's hands running up her thighs. She gasped.

"You know. There are a few other additions that I don't think you have seen before." Mal pulled herself back onto Regina's lap.

Regina's breath began to pick up, feeling Mal's naked flesh on her own, their breasts rubbing, the tickle of Mal's curls on her stomach. "Oh?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Umhmm." Mal carefully bit the underside of her jaw and Regina's hands opened and closed on thin air, wanting but -

Mal carefully kissed, warming Regina before she clamped down on her throat, making Regina moan as she bit and sucked. The pressure increased, making Regina’s toes curl back on themselves until it wasn’t only pleasure but also pain.

"Fuck!"

She wailed. Regina didn't know if she wanted to force Mal off of her, knowing she would be bruised - perhaps even bleeding - or if she wanted to pull her closer.

Her hand clamped tightly on Mal's ass as Mal moved down to her collarbone and bit, hard, her teeth sinking in and pulling a wet scream from Regina's throat.

"Fuck. Fuck."

Then ever so lightly Mal caressed her hard nipples and the feeling of the pain and the pleasure was too much for Regina, her head flopped back into the lip of the tub, her breath coming hot and fast.

"Again?"

Regina nodded frantically and moaned as Mal bit down on the top of her breasts while teasing the opposite nipple.

Mal stood and pulled Regina up by her ass so she floated on the surface, naked and exposed.

Regina steadied herself, her arms holding her up by the step she had just been sitting on, her eyes rolling as she felt her belly button softly licked and then sucked. Mal moved down her body and sank her teeth just below Regina's hipbone. Regina swore, her hips were beginning to move without her permission, desperate to rub against anything at all.

Fuck, it was so good. Fuck. Need was pouring into her, making her skin light on fire. Oh god, she needed to be touched. Mal's pressure increased and Regina grunted through the pain then convulsed when one second Mal's teeth were gnashing and then the next her tongue was slipping across Regina's hard and ready clit.

"Oh fuck, ohfuckohfuckohfuck."

Shit. She didn't think she could do it. She didn't think she could hold herself up while - she felt herself circled, once, twice, three times and then Mal unceremoniously dropped her.

Regina yelped, sinking under the water for a second and she came up spluttering, but before she could fully take a breath Mal was there, pressing her against the wall of the tub, her leg between Regina's and propped on the step, keeping Regina fully exposed as well as fully exposing herself.

She stroked Regina from clit to anus, growling.

"Fuck!" Regina could see Mal's eyes glowing and a new want began to fill her.

She was so open, so exposed and she wanted – fuck, she wanted -

"So about those new additions." Mal grinned and took her hand. With a smirk, she shoved it between her own legs and Regina's eyes popped.

"Those _are_ new." Intrigue grew as Regina began to purr. She let her hand slide, exploring the one - two - three piercings there in a row, one in her clitoris, one in an inner labia and on just below her entrance.

Mal leaned in and softly bit one of Regina's nipples. The cry Regina released could only be countered by the noise of her mind as it begged. Her whole body pulsed, screaming and demanding. She wanted to be touched but - she couldn't - she wanted - fuck - she wanted.

"Let me fuck you," Mal whispered and softly sucked on her ear.

"I -" It was wrong. So wrong. She - she wasn't this - she wasn't this person anymore.

Mal circled her opening, waiting.

Fuck.

She was the worst person in the world.

But -

She could forget that.

She could -

Regina clamped her free hand around Mal's jaw, pulling her face to hers and let her tongue slip into Mal's mouth.

Mal groaned as Regina's fingers began to play with the piercings and Regina pulled, swallowing a huge plume of mauve Magic filled essence.

Immediately everything, herself, the world around them, her thoughts and feelings began to change.

She felt herself begin to drift.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Emma**

They hadn't had sex in weeks now.

There hadn't even been an attempt in many weeks, not since the night that Regina had tried after that gathering. And this was frustrating because Emma had never fucking wanted Regina more.

Of course Regina had finally done it, she had finally converted back to the younger version of herself in every way; the dark clothes, the labels, the perfect hair, the stunning makeup, the body that wouldn't quit. But there was also something more, something that sent Emma's hand traveling over her boy shorts when she thought of it late at night. Regina _felt_ different. She moved with an almost feline grace, exuding pheromone-laced sexuality in everything she did.

Emma couldn't take it.

She had always known her wife was the most beautiful thing in the world. The Grand Canyon, the Eiffel Tower, and Times Square had nothing on the picturesque features of Regina's face. But fuck. She had also forgotten that her wife was a fucking _bombshell_.

The other day when she was absently mindedly folding clothes, Regina had come into the kitchen for a snack and had made such a show of eating her yogurt, licking and sucking on the spoon that Emma had sat with her mouth open staring for - she didn't even know how long.

Regina had laughed her full, throaty laugh and then given her a wink which made Emma blink and try to swallow her drool with a dry throat.

Regina did things like that a lot these days.

Regina had been keeping her distance since that day she had held Emma by the throat, insisting that she was evil, yet Regina seemed to like that she held Emma's attention so often. If Emma were being honest though, she seemed to hold Regina's attention too. Across the dinner table each night Regina looked like a school boy with a crush, eager to talk to her but too scared or - maybe that was just in her head. She didn't know but they did seem entirely aware of one another at all times. They had stopped fighting which was wonderful. Though the reason was because they were barely speaking to one another, not out of anger but because - what was there to say?

They slept next to one another at night like polite roommates with enough space between them so that neither accidently rolled over onto the other one. It was torture. Emma spent every single night itching to roll over onto Regina, fighting herself until she could hear the soft sounds of Regina asleep.

Regina had also taken to allowing Emma to do everything when it came to the children.

Ollie and Henry were starting to watch her walk out the door for work in the morning with a look of sad longing on their faces. She had barely said two words to them.

 _The Invasion of the Body Snatchers Continued_.

"I know, guys." Emma had sighed one morning, ruffling their hair before they had a chance to say anything. "Mom is going through something right now. Don't worry. She'll get over it soon. Just don't forget to remind her that you love her."

Ollie had nodded, his face grim as though taking his task very seriously. Henry, however, had stared at Emma, his face grim as well only he was clearly angry. She knew he had his own theories. She had heard him on the phone with Penny, a girl whom Emma thought might eventually end up as Henry's first girlfriend. While she didn't think his theories were complete bunk, she also wasn't ready to embrace them.

Emma had seen the resentment in her oldest child's eyes and after both boys had left that day Emma put her head down and cried.

Above all and much to her dismay, Mal was still there. Emma had been _sure_ that once Regina had to go back to work Mal would grow bored and disappear.

Instead, each morning Regina dressed in her old clothes, Dolce & Gabbana dresses, Chanel suits, high heels and pantyhose - Emma trying hard not to watch as she stripped out of her almost nothing pajamas to roam the room naked before dressing. Once she was dressed, Regina would politely kiss the children and then give Emma a chaste kiss, which was baffling, or perhaps a less than chaste kiss which was even more baffling given their no contact stance, and then she would disappear to work.

Mal would come downstairs a bit later, dressed and as usual fairly cold. She would gather her things and within minutes of seeing her she would leave for the day with warm smiles for the children if they were still around and a quick, brittle grin for Emma.

Emma would smile back and then once she was alone she would try to cool her heels and, as she did daily, not hate herself for being so aroused by her wife and hating her wife's best friend.

This morning was no different. Regina had pressed her full lips against Emma's quickly, but paused and deepened the kiss, making Emma gasp. It had felt like the early days of their relationship when any touch would insight them into hours of passionate lovemaking. Regina had let out a long, covetous groan. Then Regina had disappeared, her lips there one second and gone the next. Mal had come down the stairs later that morning looking bitchy. Emma had scowled and ignored her, studying the pictures on the mantel until she heard the door click closed.

It had just been a tactic to avoid any conversation with Mal, but she had become distracted.

Man, Regina really had been beautiful on their wedding day.

It wasn't her new body that had captured Emma's attentions now, she was absolutely sure of that. Regina had always had a kickin' body, even post two babies. But how was she supposed to _think_ when Regina walked around with that minx of an expression in her eyes. How was she supposed to concentrate when she could see the way that Regina's skillful tongue moved when she ate her yogurt or when Regina enjoyed doing things like bending over directly in her line of vision while wearing sheer lacy underwear?

It was the attitude. Regina had lost that attitude somewhere along the way and Emma had forgotten just how bewitching it was.

If only she could touch her.

Instead, she just stared like a teenage boy and tried not to let her jealousy get in the way.

Because she _was_ jealous. Mal didn't seem concerned with stepping into Regina's space. Mal seemed concerned with little.

Emma...well, she was concerned about everything.

Especially the way the dirty blonde looked at her wife.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right everyone! I thought I would jump in here for a quick note.  
> I'm not going to lie, the next chunk of chapters are hard to read. So hard, in fact, that between part one and part two of this story I had to stop and write Colstead & Remma (which is the fic of mine that is considered the least angst-filled). But there is a purpose, there is a point. It's not just hurt for the sake of hurt.  
> So I just wanted to say stick it out! It will be worth it in the end!  
> Feel free to drop by my tumblr if you want to chat or have any questions! ioliviajanae.tumblr.com or just search Olivia Janae. I'm the one with the crazy hair and in the sunglasses. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Regina**

* * *

Regina groaned and wiped her mouth, her forehead resting on cool the seat of the basin. It was still spinning, her stomach still revolting. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. When she finally could rise, she flushed the toilet and removed the sound shield from the bathroom. What a great way to begin _every single fucking morning_!

She didn't know if it was because every day she said she would use less Craft to avoid the mental and physical hangover and every day she failed... badly. Or if it was simply her overwhelming tension and guilt that made her spend every morning evacuating her guts so harshly that she could keep nothing down at first except maybe small sips of water. Whatever the reason, she woke every morning and had to sprint to make it to the bathroom in time.

She didn't think Emma had noticed since Regina had often woken before her and Mal... well, Mal was too dead to the world each morning to be aware of anything. _She_ slept through her impending hangover, or maybe she had been doing this for so long that she just didn't get them anymore. Regina had come to realize that despite Mal’s change in look, despite her claims to living a different lifestyle, little about Mal had changed. Which was strange because even Regina had been able to feel a difference in Mal when she had first arrived. Whatever that had been though, the feeling was gone now. _Now_ she just felt like the usual Mal.

When Regina was sure her stomach was going to stay still, she showered and wrapped the towel around herself to tiptoe back into the bedroom.

Behind her Emma tossed over with a groan.

Regina swallowed, thickly, feeling Emma's sleepy eyes squinting in her direction as she dressed.

Emma.

Her Em.

Things had been...

She didn’t have a word.

Well, she didn’t want to come up with a word and actively tried to block the ones that wanted to come.

She knew that Emma wanted to ask her about all of the changes, about her body, her hair, her active Craft use, Mal, but so far she hadn't.

She had scared her badly that day that she had been riding the white hot edge between losing herself and cooling down – the day she had built Mal’s cabin. Or perhaps Emma wasn't sure she wanted to know. Either way, it felt like cowardice to the new and improved Regina, something she loathed, and felt like absolute despair to the other version of herself.

Emma noisily yawned behind her.

"Morning." Regina said with a slight incline of her head in the direction of her wife without actually looking that way.

Emma fell back into the blankets, stretching and groaning.

Regina could still feel the Magic that she had ingested from Mal the day before running through her bloodstream, making her skin burn with desire for more and twisting her vision. She hated the feeling of Magic residue, sticky and muddy. It felt the way that soda pop looked when spilled and then dried – brown and sludgy. She could feel it moving thickly through her veins.

She looked down, finishing the last bit of buttons on her shirt and when she looked up her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. On the bed Emma was still mid-stretch, only suddenly her clothing had disappeared. Her arms were above her head, her smile light as she let out a long and _stirring_ sigh. She twisted a little and Regina could see Emma's pert pink nipples harden, her ribs rise and fall as she gasped. Emma's legs spread, one twisting back while the other branched out, long and lean, exposing the golden patch of curls between her legs.

Regina's breath caught in her throat so hard that she gave a cough. She had to clutch the dresser for support as she saw that the curls were drenched, dripping in a perfect state of readiness.

She turned away and closed her eyes tight, knowing it was just the last bit of Magic. It wasn't real. Emma was behind her fully dressed, and undoubtedly _not_ in the state of arousal her mind had just created. This was just a punishment.

It's just the Magic. It's just the Magic. Fuck, she wished she wasn't. But no, no, no - she didn't deserve to be with Emma anymore.

Her hand curled into the dresser so tightly that her fingers protested and yet she couldn’t loosen her grasp, shaking her head a little to try to clear it.

God, she was grateful that she didn't have more Magic in her system. She was getting better at remembering how much to take, at least.

She had taken just a bit too much from Mal a few days ago and had spent dinner in a dumb agitated stupor unable to eat. Emma had been simply sitting across from her, looking baffled, her doe eyes huge and confused as she pretended she didn’t know that Regina couldn’t look away. But in Regina's mind's eye, she was watching her wife toss a naked leg up on the table and an arm behind her head as her beautiful green eyes stayed steady on Regina, her fingers slipping in circles, up, over and into her perfectly exposed cunt which dripped a honeyed substance onto the carpet.

She had been able to smell it, had been able to imagine the rich, sweet, life-giving flavor it would have if she just buried her face there.

It had taken everything for Regina not to do exactly that.

She had excused herself before everyone had eaten half of their meals and gone straight into an ice cold shower, touching herself with fervor, but the three orgasms she had given herself within twenty minutes hadn't really helped.

It wasn’t actually the body that she craved and her subconscious knew it.

This was a problem.

She would pull essence from Mal then a bit later watch Mal's face slide down her navel and sweep her tongue across her clit and suddenly it would be Emma's head she was wrapping her legs around, her beautiful face pressed into her. She would be face down in a pillow getting thoroughly fucked and she would be sure she could smell Emma's cool, clean scent. Mal would speak, mid thrust and it would be Emma's voice she heard.

She knew what it was.

It was torture.

And it was punishment for breaking the heart of the only good thing she had ever known. It was a much-deserved slap in the face for always being, and still being, an absolutely shit person. She knew it and soon Emma would know it.

She had toyed with the idea of some type of memory Working for once she was discovered, something to wipe it from Emma's consciousness, but no, Emma didn't deserve that.

Instead, when she was the only one awake late at night she would hide away in the bathroom and weep for the failure she had become, promising to never do it again. She would make up her mind and decide that Mal had to go, that she would come clean, that she would go to the twins and have her barriers put back in, that she would be the woman she had sworn until so recently that she had become.

Then the morning would come and she would feel like she did now, itchy and uncomfortable. Her head would pound and her body would ache and her stomach would reject anything and everything she put into it until she took from Mal again. And once she did that then she would _need_ some type of release.

Taking from Mal was a good meet in the middle compromise. When she took from her after Mal had taken a Magic pill she would lose her head, her snarls becoming feral. That was usually when she fucked Mal - and she did it with such force that she was surprised she didn't rip the woman in half. She couldn't do it sober, she just couldn’t. She could barely look at her sober. And she couldn't kiss her anymore at all.

Then, after a time, the pill's effects would lessen and she would have her head again... Well, no. She never had her head anymore. But she could see clearly while animal instincts were still her primary base of operations.

It... helped.

Emma spoke and Regina jumped, lost in her dark and horrible thoughts.

"When will you be home? Ollie has another recital tonight, remember?"

She blinked, trying to come back to the world of normal things. "Oh.” She cleared her throat. “Right. I suppose I will make it." Regina's voice was fairly cold. She didn't want to be that way toward Emma but...

"Okay.” Emma said with the same uncertainty she had in her voice all of the time now. “I'm sure he would like that. Do you think that maybe you could have breakfast with him today? He misses you." From her peripheral vision she saw Emma cover her face and said something low and under her breath. Still, she heard it perfectly. "We all do."

At once two things happened within her. The old Regina, the boring one, the mom, the wife, she gave a loud and pained keen from somewhere dark within her. That keen, however, was washed away easily by the feral snarl of anger that ripped through her from the more recent self, screaming _how dare she guilt trip ME like that!_

Regina couldn't handle it. She muttered something, she wasn’t even sure what and ducked out of the room, trying not to look at back Emma who, while she had become fully dressed again, was still stretched out in the pose she had been in before.

Downstairs she was pleased to find that the house was empty. She was up early today.

She grabbed a cup of coffee with a hand that shook so badly that she slopped half of it down herself. She changed her shirt with a flick of her wrist and felt momentary relief from the discomfort. Then in a puff of purple, she was standing in her office, feeling even better. Normally she drove but this...

She disappeared and reappeared around the room, over and over until her pounding headache would let her think.

Relieved she sat in her seat and took a sip of the coffee.

Then she did as much work as she could until noon.

 

When she arrived at Mal's cabin she was surprised to see Mal sitting at the table, drinking a cup of black coffee and looking devious, as she always did these days.

"Oh, you're here. Did you sleep here last night?"

Mal didn't look up from the small bottle in her hands. "Nope," she said with a pop of her lips.

Regina rolled her eyes. Mal refused to move into the cabin, not until Regina told Emma she would be staying in Storybrooke. She knew it was because Mal had some fantasy of taking Regina - or Regina taking her - with Emma upstairs asleep. She didn't believe Regina when she said it would not be happening.

But Regina was too sober to handle those thoughts right now because when she was sober she didn't really want Mal to stay. She twitched her jacket off. "Are you rolling?"

Mal's head swirled around and Regina gratefully saw her eyes glowing their bright ember.

She felt a breath of revolting relief pass through her.

"But you're going to have to bring that beautiful body over here and come and take it." Mal said lightly and Regina could feel the defiant air flowing from her; she could also feel how rebelliously refusing Regina rose Mal's libido, tickling her in all the right places. She could smell it like the scent your skin gives off as your body warms in sleep.

"I see.” She clicked her tongue. “This is how we're doing it today."

Mal's bored eyes just fell back to the bottle and like a charm, Regina was incensed. It took very little to get her this way these days. Her fingers gave a sharp static cackle of rage. In a flash, Regina had Mal by the throat, slamming her so hard against the wall that Mal let out a thick retching noise and the whole cabin shook. "I can swear-" Regina growled, her lips a breath from Mal's tomato red face. She knew Mal couldn't breathe and she didn't care. She hadn’t been lying to Emma. She was evil. "- that I told you that I would play this game _only_ after I took what I needed."

Mal's face was turning an alarming shade, going from tomato red to hints of purple under the choking pressure of her hand but Regina didn't release her grip.

"Now. Are you going to give me what I need?"

Mal's legs parted with a twitch of her eyebrow and a bite of her lip.

"No." she deadpanned. "I said what _I_ need. Not what _you_ need."

She threw Mal back into the chair. Mal hit it hard and only just managed to stop herself from toppling. Regina barely noticed, her hands ripping off her own clothes and straddling Mal's lap as she gasped for breath, holding her throat. Regina clutched her throat again both thumbs pressing into either side of Mal's windpipe, forcing her mouth open. Mal's lips, wet and plump, parted.

She hated Mal these days, not because of anything that was Mal's fault, but because Regina had been weak. She was having a hard and harder time slipping into total oblivion and it was making her realize that, well, she didn't like Mal very much.

Mal's eyes began to flutter.

Regina released her, only letting their lips meet for the barest of seconds before she pulled a deep breath taking more than she knew she should in her agitation. Instantly her mood began to grow dangerous. She could feel the effects swirling in her mind, numbing her and she groaned and pulled another long breath from Mal.

Mal let out a yelp, pinching Regina's exposed nipples and snarling in warning that she was pulling too hard, too fast.

Regina hit her.

Mal's face snapped to the side and then back, her nose trickling blood and her eyes alight. "Are you _fucking_ serious?"

Regina's hips began to roll as she snarled, savagely biting Mal's neck, her lips, her ears. Mal was moaning, scratching down Regina's back hard enough to break the skin.

She snarled again, the groan deep from her chest and she ripped Mal's dress up and her panties off. "Shut the fuck up, Mal." Regina snarled and without ceremony, she plunged into her.

Mal let out a scream of pleasure and did the same.

They rocked, the chair creaking in protest as they slammed their hips back and forth. Biting, slapping, choking, scratching until finally Regina threw Mal onto the bed.

Mal moaned, uttering some nonsensical words that Regina in this state couldn't catch. She just wanted them to stop so she grabbed the tight braid of Mal's extremely long hair and quickly wrapped it around Mal's throat.

Other words came from the body on its hands and knees in front of her so she pulled _hard_ on the braid and heard a very satisfying strangled cry before a fresh patch of wetness hit Regina's hand. There was a strange gagging noise but Regina couldn't understand what it was or where it was coming from.

She could feel the body growing close to its orgasm as it trashed in both pleasure and panic. She snarled and swore, bucking into it with all she had.

Somewhere distantly she heard choked screams and leaned down, biting the skin of the smooth, pale ass in front of her, bruising it.

With that, the body began to twitch, writhe and then after a long minute fell limp.

She gnashed her teeth, pissed at its lack of motion, still before she was ready for it to be. Suddenly her face hit the wall which... hadn’t she been more than a foot from it a moment before? She didn't know how she had gotten there but something entered her and she lost the little bit of control she had.

She howled and ground against it, scratching the wall, not minding when her face slammed into it once and then twice more. Something warm and red trickled into her eye and for a flash, she wasn't sure where she was. But there was pain, so much _pain_. Her face hit the wall again. A gut curling roll of pleasure swept through her and something slammed her into the wall yet again.

It wasn't enough. She needed more. She ground harder and felt a hard slap to the face. She pressed harder into the thing between her legs. Then she was coming, screaming and spitting like an angry wildcat.

She came once, then another time before she could fall back onto the bed with a grunt, her head clearing enough for her to understand words and thoughts.

"That was _great_." Mal laughed, sweaty and lying next to her. "Fuck, that was great. God, I forgot what a freak you are! Always up for something unusual and fun."

"Freak?"

Mal scoffed, and lit a cigarette. "Well, I just took you in pretty much every hole you have." Regina grunted. She hadn't noticed.

"I bet if I wanted to fuck your ear you would let me."

She shrugged again. Looking over at her companion she realized that Mal's lip and nose were bleeding. "I took too much. I'm sorry," she said dryly, not really caring. She touched her forehead and realized that too was bleeding. She still didn't care.

"Hmmm, don't apologize to me."

"Oh?" Regina asked, a smirk beginning and reached over and smacked Mal hard in the face. "You sure I shouldn't apologize?"

Mal stared at her for a moment and then burst into laughter, flipping her over so they could wrestle like teenage boys. "You're lucky - that face is too - pretty for me to fuck - up like I _used_ \- to!"

When they were done they were both breathing hard but they sat with a flop down at the kitchen table.

Regina snarled, her head still swilling and grabbed a muffin, eating it in three big bites and then took a small puff of mauve from Mal like one would take a sip of water with food, working to heal herself.

Mal gave a grunt but that was all.

There was silence for a few moments and Regina was grateful.

"Regina." Mal started thoughtfully once she sat down across from her. "Speaking of being willing to do absolutely anything. Do you know what this is?" She held up the small bottle she had been toying with before.

Regina shrugged, not really caring. She just couldn’t find it in herself to care about much when she was like this.

"Surely you have used this before. As a lesbian, how could you not?"

"Mal. What is it?" she asked in exasperation.

But Mal clearly wasn't going to say.

"Okay. Am I taking that or are you?"

Mal grinned. "Neither." Regina was about to rip into her for her vagueness when Mal rose. She walked across the room to the bed and pulled a long flesh colored dildo from the sheets.

"What, you just leave that there?"

"Who says that you are the only person I am fucking right now?" Mal asked with a scoff and tossed the dildo at Regina.

Regina caught it, surprised to find that she didn't really give a fuck if Mal was also sleeping with someone else.

The dildo was cold and hard but it looked clean enough. She really didn't care. She watched Mal dig around the blankets and then felt her interest spark as Mal pulled out a harness.

"Interesting. I thought you weren't one for toys, Mal."

Mal jeered. " _This_ is not just a toy."

She watched Mal slip on the harness and then nestle the toy in place. "It's the only way to fuck, Regina."

"Oh?"

"Lie down." Mal barked and Regina did, resting on her back and watching Mal, anticipation priming her body.

Mal picked up the little bottle again and poured a very small amount of the liquid onto the toy. To Regina's surprise, the liquid didn't fall around it and drop to the floor but sank into it, disappearing. Then Mal took it firmly in her palm and suddenly the dong began to glow a deep mauve, the color of Mal's essence.

Intrigued Regina grasped it and Mal gave a sharp cry, making her pause.

"You want to be careful with that, dear." Mal snarked and Regina's hands became soft.

She tentatively stroked it watching Mal's face as she gave a sigh of pleasure.

"Really?" Regina grinned, almost caring now. "I might have to try that." Emma's beautifully adorable face popped into her mind and she shoved the thought away instantly. "So you can feel this?" She gave the shaft a long stroke and Mal moaned, softly thrusting into her palm. "Wow," Regina gasped, amazed. Her body was beginning to key up at the thought of it. Hesitantly she closed her lips around the tip and was surprised to feel it twitch as Mal moaned and grabbed handfuls of Regina's hair.

The dong had become warm, smooth and soft as though - real - though it still sat in the black harness. She softly ran her finger over the head and it twitched again.

"That's right." Mal grunted through her teeth and stroked Regina's full bottom lip. "Use that gorgeous mouth of yours."

That was one of the main aphrodisiacs of this arrangement. Mal, since the very first day that they had met, had always thought that Regina was equivalent to the goddess Aphrodite. She had always praised Regina's beauty and it had always made her feel - special. Emma used to do that, but then - she didn't know. She had lost Emma's eye.

Regina took more of it into her mouth, sucking hard and appreciating the long groans she got in response. She began to pump, wondering if she could get Mal off this way. That would be fun. New.

Mal hissed and pulled her up by two handfuls of hair. "The problem with lesbians" she muttered "is they don't know how to shield their teeth."

Regina laughed wholly as Mal tossed her onto the bed.

Mal braced herself on the edge, teasing Regina's nipples and began muttering dirty sentences about how good it was going to feel for Mal as she fucked her. She slipped a finger inside of Regina, circling and pulling strong whimpers from Regina's throat.

Regina closed her eyes and when she opened them again it was suddenly the green eyes of her wife staring down at her.

Her heart jumped into her throat and she whimpered, slamming her palms over her eyes until her head began to drift away, freeing her as it went and centering only on the feeling of what was inside of her.

Then Mal bent, placing the tip at Regina's opening and slowly rubbing it back and forth. The anticipation was staggering.

"Mmmm," Mal licked her lips and began to softly push herself inside. Through a groan, she heard Emma's voice fall from Mal's lips. "Why should boys have all the fun?"

_Emma. Emma, stop it._

Regina's back arched, watching Emma's face contort in pleasure. Quickly she began to move, selfishly and clearly for her own pleasure.

Regina bit her lip, trying to will the tears to stay away. This would be so much fun with Emma. The real Emma. She knew Emma would love to do this.

A tear fell, dripping down her temple and into her ear.

Emma.

She could see her here so clearly, could smell her and even though she didn’t want to, it was making her body react.

She grabbed Mal's face and took a long pull, making Mal scream in pain and ecstasy.

Then Regina began to move for her own pleasure.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Regina**

* * *

This was the real walk of shame.

It wasn't walking from a fraternity house your freshman year of college with your hair tussled and in the same beer stained clothes from the night before, your dirty underwear hidden safely in your purse or back pocket. No. It's walking in your front door home from 'work' knowing you just spent another day failing your wife, your boss and yourself.

Mal was usually there because once they were done with their - activities, Regina ran back to work to get a few more things done, though she was usually still... _elevated_... by Magic and barely able to think straight.

Tonight Mal was sitting on the couch talking with Henry while Ollie scribbled at the table and Emma was in the kitchen, earphones in and balancing a drooling Bonnie.

She kissed Henry and Ollie's head (was he wearing baggy boy jeans?) and just like every day took a second before she looked up and into Emma's eyes. She was always sure it would be there. Hate. Betrayal. Instead, every day there was only a gentle and confused wariness as though Emma was unsure about anything and everything.

Regina took Bonnie with a small smile and Emma returned it, busying herself with dinner. A small body hit the back of her legs, clutching her tightly. She patted Ollie’s head and tried not to let those huge brown eyes, brown like hers and huge like Emma's, get to her. She couldn't look at them, not when she knew she was destroying this sweet little thing's family.

“Mommy! Mommy! Pick me up!”

She could feel the pull of Ollie, was aware of how unusual it was that he wanted to be held when he wasn’t ill. The weight of him, of his want, of Emma’s want, of Henry’s, it was too much. She handed Bonnie to Henry with instructions to hold her so that Emma could cook and, with a gentle pull away from her younger son, excused herself, going upstairs to take a shower.

She clicked on the water on cold and stepped in, biting back a scream. Her head was still swimming. She needed to bring it down a little if she was going to survive the evening. She hated this part of her day. She never knew how or even if she would survive it.

She just... she needed to breathe.

She stood under the pelting water, her eyes closed, breathing as best she could and waiting.

When her head had evened out a little, she let it rest on the wall and cried - just like she did every day.

 

They ate dinner, Regina in her usual half inebriated stupor. After dinner when Emma spent time with the kids, she and Mal went outside so Mal could have a cigarette.

"You seem to be dragging tonight."

"Hmm?" Regina had been lost in her own thoughts.

Emma had yelled at her. She had completely forgotten about the recital that evening, had come home too late. She was been too busy… well… being a bad mother.

"Do you need some more?"

"What?" Regina snapped.

"I can still feel it in me."

It was true Mal's eyes still had a very soft glow, but Regina's stomach rolled. She didn't want Mal in her - in any way.

She scoffed.

"All right, fine." Mal flicked her hand and the grass of the backyard was suddenly ablaze with unquenchable fire. It took Regina ten minutes and a whole lot of Craft to remove it and to fix the backyard. She was in a sour mood when she finally sat back down, but she did feel better; perhaps even a little better than better.

"Thanks."

Mal glanced behind them at Emma who was sitting inside with Bonnie and Ollie reading them a story. Then she let her eyes wander over Regina. She flicked her fingers and suddenly Regina's top was open and she was exposed.

Mal licked her lips.

Regina just looked down at herself with little interest. She fixed the problem and no longer interested in staying with Mal went upstairs, not caring if her departure had been rude. She just wanted to go to bed and have this day be over. Correction. She wanted _all_ her days to be over.

 

She was in bed with the lights off when Emma came upstairs a long while later.

Emma clicked on the lights, sending hot bolts of pain through her eyes.

"So Ollie wanted to know why you didn't tuck him in again," Emma said, switching her clothes for pajamas. "Just like he asked me earlier why you didn't show."

Regina groaned and covered her head with the blanket. Oh no. She couldn't do this. That anger, that black, evil anger lived so close to the surface these days. It only took one look from Mal this morning - one sentence and she had halfway choked the life out of her. It took a lot of craft to heal their wounds well enough to be unnoticeable before they could continue on with their day and she was sure she hadn't removed all damage. She didn't want Emma to trigger that person. She had no control over her.

Regina curled into the fetal position, her eyes tightly closed.

Emma threw the blankets back exposing Regina's huddled form. "I have to admit I was curious too. See, it used to be that he had two mothers who read him a story together, sang him a song, you know, that kind of crap. But lately, it seems like he only has one."

Regina pulled herself up. She could feel it, the pressure behind her eyes, the pulse in her temples. She could feel the anger and she was trying to swallow it down.

"Look, Emma. Let's not talk about this right now."

"No, Regina. Let's talk about it."

Regina nearly recoiled as Emma unexpectedly and in a move that did not match her tone, dropped to her knees in front of Regina and took her hands. It was the most contact they had in weeks. Regina just stared as softly Emma kissed her knuckles.

"Baby, tell me. Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's happening with you." She kissed her knuckles again and Regina felt her insides crack. Oh god, she missed Emma. They had been so far from one another, so distant.

She almost reached, even began to, just wanting to hold her, to hide her face in her neck, to kiss her.

Regina retracted her hands.

Because she was a cheating whore. That's why. Regina didn't deserve her.

Emma's face crumpled into the brokenhearted teary face that Regina had always hated and she pointedly took them back again, caressing them and kissing them.

Regina's eyes closed. It felt so good to feel _Emma's_ lips on her skin.

"Regina."

She began to shake, her hands quaking so hard that Emma clutched them in alarm.

" _Regina_?"

Her head bowed and she was weeping. She was weeping as she did so often these days, out of fear and anguish.

She slid off the bed and to the floor, unable to stop herself, wrapping Emma all around her. Emma's grip was firm but warm, stroking her and whispering sweet things that Regina didn't deserve to hear.

She felt Emma's lips against her forehead and cheeks and greedily hating herself she let them find her lips, kissing her wife with everything she had. She clutched her, her elbows over Emma's shoulders, her hands caught tightly in the hair at Emma's temples so she couldn't pull away. She kissed her with everything she had. She kissed her as she cried, as she hated herself. She kissed her and felt Emma kiss her back with her entire soul, desperate and wanting. Emma did not try to pull away.

Instead, Emma lifted her and rested her on the bed behind them.

When it looked like she might pull away Regina cried out, but Emma was already back, her body over Regina's, pressing against her warm and sure as her lips found hers again.

She sighed, tears still falling as Emma wrapped her in a cocoon of herself, her arms tightly around her, hands holding Regina's jaw, lips kissing her own, to her cheeks, her eyes, her chin.

Her tears finally gave way to soft, heartfelt sighs as Emma began to remove their clothing and then turned them so they were face to face and Emma could pull them together, skin against skin.

Regina buried her face between the pillow and Emma's cheek, breathing in the scent of her neck and shoulder.

She had no right to feel this comforted, but she did.

Emma held her close, whispering into her ear how much she loved her as she fingers played over Regina's side, over her breast, down her hip.

Regina's breath caught, alarmed at the powerful feeling that was beginning in her chest. It was overwhelming. She clutched Emma harder, frightened for a moment as her heart staggered and then their hearts beat as one. She could feel the transition, the connection. Then Emma kissed her again and all fear dissipated.

Emma's hand fell to her breast, softly caressing it. Regina pulled her face back to Emma's shoulder and let a few heartfelt sounds fall from her lips, feeling a moment of peace for the first time in weeks.

Oh god, she loved her. She - she didn't understand it, but she loved this honest and steadfast woman she held in her arms. How _could_ she - oh god, she loved her so much it hurt.

She let her hand wander down Emma's thin frame and settle between her legs, stroking her and feeling the small sounds Emma made deep in her soul.

Emma pulled Regina's leg over her hip and braced her own, letting her fingers wander over the soft bare skin of Regina's sex.

Regina closed her eyes, deepening her own touch and loving the way Emma's arms grew even tighter around her. She wanted to feel her so badly. She wanted Emma within her, cleansing and healing. "Please," she said in a broken whisper and Emma just nodded, her hips rolling with Regina's seeking fingers.

Regina held her tighter, crying out as Emma slid in slowly and then held herself there, her lips gently kissing and sucking on Regina's neck and throat with all the love and tenderness the woman could possess.

She heard Emma whisper, begging Regina to come back to her as her fingers slowly retracted, only to slip in again, making their hips brush as they each moved.

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you, Regina, please." She panted into Regina's ear and Regina kissed her. Emma understood and pulled Regina's face back against her, cupping her head there with her free hand.

They stayed like that, rolling together, their ministrations soft and warm for a very long time, not rushing just feeling one another.

It was Emma who finally fell into climax first and feeling that Regina tumbled after her, safely wrapped in the arms of the woman who actually loved her.

She clutched at Emma's arms, shaking, the force of her orgasm scaring her, but Emma held her tightly to her, her own tremors rocking her.

Regina stayed there, wrapped in Emma's arms, her face nuzzling the crook of Emma's neck, her hand resting lightly on her chest.

She felt better. She felt right. She felt... she felt like herself.

"Is it your Craft?"

Hurt ripped through Regina at the question; the pretty bubble she was wrapped in was instantly popped.

"Why does it _always_ come back to that with you?" She felt herself bark and swore. "Why couldn't you have just let -" Why couldn't things have just stayed warm for a few minutes longer?

She stood and backed away, feeling her temples immediately begin to pound again as the ache around her heart intensified.

Emma sat up, her face hard as though Regina removing herself had hurt her as well. "I was just asking. You're so different. _That_ was so different."

"Emma! Goddamn it!" Anger was beginning to swirl, taking over the warm safety she had felt moments before, the Craft in her that had grown gentle and sweet turned black again, angry.

Emma stayed on the bed, her face growing dark, her cheeks, neck and ears going red. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND." She roared.

Regina closed her eyes, taking deep slow breaths and the pulsing increased. _Don't lose your head, don't lose your head, please don't lose your head. She touched the cool polished top of their dresser and it helped to ground her a bit. That had been so nice a moment before. Get back to that. Fix it. You can fix it, Regina._ When she could open her eyes again she flicked a silencing shield on the room so that no one else could hear their argument. She could practically feel Mal's satisfied ears on them.

Emma stared at her with dark eyes and for the first time, Regina noticed that her eyes were red-rimmed and she looked so very tired. "I don't understand what the hell is up with you, Regina! How am I supposed to help when I have no idea? You're so different now. How is it you've changed so much, so quickly?"

"I'm not the only one who changed!" Regina roared and then swore at herself. Don't lose your head. Don't lose your head. But it was happening. It came so fast. She was beginning to snarl, her teeth bared, her lip curling. Fuck, fuck, pull it back! Fuck! Her head swam, her vision pulsing. " _I_ have only changed myself back from the stupid and pathetic thing I had become."

"What the hell does that mean, Regina?"

"Oh don't act like you don't know." She spit, nasty thick hatred bubbling in her gut like tar.

Please. Make it stop. Please. I can't stop it. Make it –

She stepped closer and waved her hand. Suddenly the naked woman was standing beside her in her tall, brown lace up boots, dark blue jeans that shaped themselves perfectly to Emma's body and a tight, revealing ribbed tank top. Her arms which had minutes before been smooth now rippled, strong and muscular, her stomach gave a small bulge that was clearly muscle and even her thighs filled the jeans thick and powerful.

Emma gasped, looking unsettled and slightly nauseated as Regina gave a hungry growl at the sight. She ripped off the tank top and saw the small lines down the sides of Emma's abs that crisscrossed subtly. She ran her hands over Emma's skin and was darkly pleased to see Emma's eyes were wide but fire lit and furious.

Regina pulled her to her by the belt and quickly undid it and the jeans, slipping her hand inside and firmly, purposefully playing with Emma's sex.

Emma's hands were her on her hips, but her eyes closed and she gasped, her head lolling backward. "Ffffuck."

Regina's lip curled and she hissed a breath away from Emma's ear. "Do you remember a time when you couldn't keep your hands off of me? Hmm? Do you remember when you used to call me your queen and then _fuck me stupid_? Hmm?"

Emma's jaw clenched and her eyes darkened, looking so much like the woman that Regina knew all of those years ago that she couldn't help the next sound as it slid from her throat.

The muscles in Emma's jaw worked as Regina circled behind her, her fingers touching in just the way Emma liked.

"Hmm?" she hissed. "I'm pretty sure that was you. Once upon a time, anyway."

"Fuck you, Regina." Emma whispered, but she didn't pull away from Regina, not even when her touch grew all the more intimate.

"Oh no, Emma. Fuck you."

Regina slammed her face first on the bed, the clothes disappearing in a snap. She took a moment to admire the rippling muscles of Emma's back before she was on her, hissing in her ear.

Emma pressed back against her and Regina couldn't tell if she was trying to fight her off or if she was reaching for the tortuous pleasure that she knew was coming.

Regina didn't find out. She took a moment to make their own strap-on appear and then paused, Emma looking up through her blonde hair confused. A small pop sounded and Regina's grin was nasty and dark. The tiny bottle that Mal had used that afternoon had been left sitting exactly where Regina had last seen it and now it was in her hand. She looked down at the toy she shared with her wife and her grin grew. She followed the steps she had seen Mal do and, in the end, the strap-on glowed a bright purple. The throbbing that she had felt in her sex, demanding action had suddenly shifted, becoming long and covering the length of their toy.

"What the fuck?" Emma hissed, but Regina shoved her head into the mattress.

"Whooooooooa, fuck!" Regina cried as she slowly slid into her wife.

"Whoa, that feels different! What the hell? How is it warm and -" Regina shoved her face back into the mattress and slowly pulled back out.

This was interesting.

She slammed with all of her might back into Emma.

Emma let out a keen that was only half pleasure.

Regina took her - in every position and every way she knew how, bringing Emma to grudging and angry orgasm again and again as Regina found her own.

It was not sweet. It was not loving or kind.

It was not what Regina had wanted.

Finally, the two fell onto the bed exhausted, Emma face down looking sweaty and well used.

“Now tell me that wasn't exactly what you needed."

"What a good fuck?" Emma snapped back.

"Yes, my little pillow queen, a good fuck."

"Fuck you."

"I beg to differ, my dear." Her temples were still throbbing angrily, but she was able to take deep breaths again.

Emma sat up her face red, her eyes red as well. "I'm not fucking boring and I'm _sick_ of you hinting that I am. I'm not boring! I'm taking care of our kids while you go through this stupid midlife crisis or whatever. I'm not fucking boring! You never had any complaints until recently! You want me to fuck you more? Fine. I will. I will fuck you until the only name you remember is _mine_. But I will do it _after our kids have been given their dinner and have been read a fucking bedtime story_. That is _not_ boring. That is the life _we_ decided we wanted, remember? _We_ came to that decision when _we_ decided to get pregnant. _We_."

Emma threw herself off the bed and muttered something about a shower.

Regina just watched her go. She had nothing to say in response.

"Fuck." She breathed out, her hands tangling in her hair.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Emma**

* * *

She had thought – god, for just a moment she had thought that the way they had made love meant things would be _better_ now.

...Maybe it even would have made things better, but she had fucked it up!

Regina was right. It _did_ always come back to her Craft in Emma's mind.

How could it not? They had been down this road before. Not to this degree, but Emma had almost lost her before because of it. She was like a spouse at an Al-Anon meeting. She was jumpy and twitchy and nervous. It was the first thing that came to her mind now. It had been since the moment Regina had created her favorite dinner for her.

Only now...

Only now…

She had made love to that woman – she had fucked her - banged her – _had_ her - and every other type of sex phrase that was out there, Emma had done it with Regina over the years.

...It had never been like that.

Now Emma knew. That accusing look she had seen in Henry's eye when Regina and Mal slunk out of the front door together or snuck out back for Mal to smoke. He had been right.

She could see that now. She had just experienced it.

Regina was having an affair.

It was clear. She had thought so before; the small voice in her head had been insisting constantly but she had let Regina's weak protests sway her, making her doubt herself. She had been able feel it on her. Maybe not in the way that Regina would have been able to if Emma had ever done something that terrible, but it was almost as if she could sense another woman's lips on her wife's body.

That trick with their strap-on... it had been a confession. Where the hell had she learned that? Who had shown her? They used to talk about how great it would be to create an appendage for an hour and it seemed as though Regina had learned how... but from who?

Emma had locked herself in the bathroom for hours after their bedroom love making, fight and then... whatever the hell that had been. She hadn't cried though, because she had already known it, hadn't she?

Yes. She had already known.

And why was she acting as though she didn’t know who? There was only one ‘who’.

She had considered throwing Mal out right then in the middle of the night and there but instead she waited. She had gone downstairs and nursed cups of coffee until morning, her eyes bleary, her stomach sick.

Regina came down first, as she always did these days. Emma noted that Regina looked like she had been violently ill, green and clammy.

"Good morning." Regina said in a soft, sick voice.

She came to her side and Emma couldn't look at her. Instead she stared blankly into her cup of coffee, seeing little.

"Emma, I'm sorry about last night. I lost my head. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have changed you. I shouldn't have made you think I need that because I don't. You've always been beautiful and sexy and -"

"Oh shit." Emma sighed, speaking over her. Last week she had lived for the moments when Regina sounded like her old self, now it just made her stomach roll. "It's later than I thought." She hopped off the stool and took the stairs two at a time to wake Ollie, leaving Regina in the kitchen below.

When she came back down, Regina was gone.

 

She spent the next two days watching Regina and Mal and not liking what she saw. Casual touches. Mal looking at Regina as though she owned her. The teasing blankness to Mal's eyes when those silver stones turned on Emma.

She spent those two days in a haze of confusion. She knew it had to be true, yet her mind couldn't process it. It was like trying to wrap your head around the number of miles to the stars. You could hear it, comprehend the number but never conceptualize just how far that was or it’s truth. Her mind would grasp on to the idea that Regina was probably cheating on her and then she would grow so completely and totally confused that the idea would drift just out of reach again.

It was unfathomable.

She didn't want to believe it. Maybe that was the problem. She didn't want to believe it at all so her mind kept coming up with other things. Regina can't be cheating on me for this reason - or that one.

No matter how hard she tried to insist though, she would find herself thinking things like well, of course she's sleeping with Mal, look at how beautiful Mal is. Or - of course she's having an affair I have said so many things that I should never have said and then she would list each one she could remember, beating herself with those nasty words.

But - in the back of her mind she was also relieved. She had an answer now. She understood that much. She had an answer and now she just had to figure out what to do with it.

 

The third morning after her evening with Regina things were forced into action.

It was a rare quiet late afternoon. She had taken the boys to school hours ago and finally Bonnie seemed to be growing out of her attachment phase so she was playing quietly in her playpen chewing on a toy.

Emma spent a while cleaning and straightening up, battling with herself as she did every day; the only thing in her head these days the same fight. Was she right? Was her wife fucking Mal? She had to be. She wouldn't have thought this before for no reason. But what if Mal was just the red herring and Regina was sleeping with someone else?

She was just settling onto the couch, playing a rousing game of peek-a-boo when the front door slammed open.

It closed just as quickly and heavy feet pounded up the stairs, too heavy to be anyone but Henry.

"Wha - Henry?"

She put Bonnie in her playpen and raced upstairs after her son, alarmed.

“Henry?” She tripped her way into his room, stumbling on the clothing that was always everywhere.

He was sitting on his bed, his surprisingly large shoulders slumped and shaking as he ...cried!

"Henry? Whoa, kid! What happened?" She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him cry. It hadn’t been for a long time, she was sure of that. He had hit the I’m-too-grown-to-cry phase early.

He brusquely shoved his palms over his eyes, wiping the tears across is face more than removing them. " _Nothing_. Just leave me alone, Mom."

"Henry." She sat on the bed next to him, pleased when he didn't just turn away from her. “What happened?” She pushed back the want to pull him into her arms or to brush back his hair and settled for sitting and waiting.

"I got suspended, okay!" He suddenly shouted.

" _What_? How?” Her first thought that had floated through had been about how angry Regina was going to be. It was a habit to think of her wife that way, like she was the other half of her team. Would she care? She didn’t know.

"I got suspended because I kissed Penny."

Pride and horror filled Emma all at once. He was too young to get kicked out of school for making out! Right? Shit. No. He wasn't. She had been suspended twice by his age. "You're going to have to take me back, kid. I'm not sure I understand."

He sighed and his cheeks grew hot. "I uh, I didn't know how to - you know - make Penny my - uh, my girlfriend."

"Okay," she said with a nod, trying to keep her face neutral. His girlfriend! Her little boy had a girlfriend!

"So I asked... Mal."

"Oh."

He must have heard the dejection in her voice because he sprinted forward. "She said that women like to be told how they feel so I should just _take_ Penny. So I did. I walked up and I just kissed her in the middle of the quad and then I got in trouble." It all came out in one huff of breath.

"She told you that women like to be _told how they feel_?"

"Yeah." His shoulders rose and fell.

Emma nodded stiffly, trying hard to swallow back her anger. How dare she say that to her son! "So... you got suspended because you kissed her - in the quad? Is there a rule or -"

Henry's face went purple and he looked resolutely back into his lap. "Mal also told me that I should - I should – kinda... grab her butt when I did it."

"Henry James Mills, you did _not_ grab Penny Clark's butt!" The words just burst from her sounding more like Regina than herself.

He got up and stormed around the room, kicking things and ranting in an incoherent jumble.

“Hey!” she finally cried when his feet tangled in the bed sheet that was mostly on the floor and he nearly fell. “Come sit. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

He glared for a moment and then flopped onto his back on the bed, looking sheepish, his chest rising and falling in little hitches. "I should have known it was bad advice."

"Why?"

"Because of what she said to Ollie."

She had to squint to keep her face blank as she asked, "Uh, what did she say to Ollie?"

He looked at her as though she were crazy. "Haven't you noticed he's been wearing his boy clothes lately?"

Actually, she had. She had been thinking it was probably some type of reaction to the fact that Regina was refusing to spend time with him. He had always been so much closer to Regina. "Yeah."

"Mal told him he needed to. She said that he could be whoever he wanted to be on the inside, but on the outside he needed to look like anyone else. She told him that he needed to 'man up'."

* * *

 

 

Mal had no idea what was waiting for her when she arrived back at the huge house later that afternoon.

She let herself in with the key that Emma was still pissed Regina had given her and then jumped to find Emma standing in the hallway, her feet spread as she would when approaching anyone in her detective days.

"Christ, Emma.” Mal growled, slamming the keys back into her purse and shutting the door a lot harder than was needed. “You scared me. What the hell is wrong with you?" She tried to step around Emma, but she stepped to the side blocking Mal's path.

Her arms crossed over her chest and while the Working that Regina had done on her was slowly fading, she knew there was still enough in her that her arms bulged in just the way she had always liked when she was a cop. She had purposely worn a tank top to make her point. She saw Mal's eyes dip to them and then squint, confrontationally.

Emma took a deep breath and a scent hit her. Was that Regina's perfume? "You know Mal, I've tried for a really long time to like you."

Mal rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips, clearly wanting to just get by Emma. "Okay."

"I've tried and you know what? I can't. You suck. You're a shitty person and I'm done."

"That's nice, dear." She tried to push past her, but Emma was not as weak as Mal thought she was, mentally or physically. She stood her ground.

Emma’s head tilted, noticing something. "It's kinda interesting that you don't even blink when I call you a shitty person. Not the first time you've heard it, huh?"

Mal's eyebrow slowly rose.

"Henry got suspended from school today."

"And?" Mal put an unlit cigarette to her lips, but Emma grabbed it and broke it. She was fucking tired of that too.

"Three days. He's suspended for three days. Would you like to guess why?"

"Hmmm, did he go rogue in the chess club meet?"

"Yeah, you're fucking hilarious. No. He _grabbed_ Penny Clark's _ass_."

"Who?" Slow comprehension filled Mal's face. She stared at her for a moment before she burst into laughter. "You're kidding! He did it? I thought he would be too much of a pussy." Mal sized her up in a slow once over. "Just like his _mother_."

The insult just glanced off her skin. She didn't really care. Henry was upstairs blasting angry music so he wouldn't hear her words and Oliver was not home yet.

“You don’t know me, Mal.”

“I think I’ve gotten a pretty good idea of who you are, cupcake.”

"Penny Clark is a good girl. Though maybe saying that won't help us much since I'm sure you don't know what that means. You clearly never were one."

"It's true. I wasn't." Mal's eyes glowed maliciously. "Regina always liked me that way."

Emma nodded, biting her lip in thought. "Hmmm, yeah. My wife is a very smart woman. Clearly she is because she married me, after all. You're the perfect example, though, of the fact that she didn't _always_ have such good taste.” Mal’s face remained impassive. “Ah well, she’s only human. Anyway. After he told me about Penny, he also told me about what you said to Ollie."

Mal's face ripped into a snarl, instantly aggressive. "I was helping that boy. He is a sweet boy and he's going to get his ass kicked every day of high school if he doesn't change his ways."

"That is not _your_ decision to make. That is mine and that is Regina's! _We_ are his parents."

Mal studied her for a moment, long and hard and though it unnerved Emma just a bit, she just ground her jaw and waited.

"There is something I find quite interesting." Mal finally said.

Emma's lips pursed, sure she wouldn't find whatever it was interesting at all.

"I never wanted children. I just, well, they are needy little things, aren't they? But if I had – do you _really_ think there would have been any room for you in Regina's life?"

"You go ahead and keep telling yourself that."

Mal went to speak, but Emma cut her off. This battle of wits, battle of wills was pointless. "Look, the point of all of this is that I'm done with you. I'm done with the strange influence you're trying to have on my family."

Mal smirked and put another cigarette to her lips. Again Emma took it and broke it. "Also, I'm done with the stink you bring. You stink, Mal. Did you know that?"

"Whatever you say, Sheriff. Oh, wait, _former_ sheriff. My mistake. May I go now? I could use a shower." Mal's eyebrow rose slowly insinuating and Emma had to swallow back a growl. "Wash off that – stink."

"I bet you do. And no, you can't.”

“Oh?”

“Nope. You won’t be taking one more step into my home. Pack your bags and get out."

Mal laughed, seeming honestly amused. "You can't kick me out. Regina would never stand for it."

"Watch me."

Mal laughed again but Emma’s face didn’t change. Slowly Mal’s eyes narrowed, taking her in.

Emma could tell her face left no room for argument.

"Regina will not be happy."

"Regina can talk to me about it herself, thunder-cunt."

"And if I won't go? What if I was just to disappear in front of your eyes and reappear nice and cozy in my room?"

Emma chuckled, her crossed arms tightening, flexing. "Mal, you don't want me to show you how I will force you out if you do that, but keep in mind that the guest room is on the _second_ floor."

Mal studied her face again, her own expression blank but Emma didn’t really believe it. "Um-hum. And how, if you don't mind me asking, am I supposed to pack my things if you will not allow me upstairs?"

Emma didn’t budge. She knew full well that Mal could just swish her hand and the task would be done. "I have faith in you."

God, this felt good. Why hadn't she done this weeks ago?

Mal studied her for a long time, debating with herself. She could see her weighing the consequences, debating if she was still up for a fight – if Mal was ever someone who would actually fight.

Emma just held firm, waiting, getting more and more annoyed by the moment. In truth, she didn’t want Regina to come home while this was happening. She didn’t want to fight with her too.

Finally Mal let out a groan and closed her eyes. Emma heard a lot of banging upstairs. A minute later the bag Mal had appeared in their life with was packed and by her side.

"Great." Emma clapped. "Easy. Okay. Bye, bye now."

"You know that kicking me out won't get me out of town, right?” Mal whispered in a falsely confidential voice. “It's actually been our little secret but, Regina built a house for me here, out in the woods."

Panic hit Emma's bloodstream and she knew her face had betrayed her. Oh god, she hoped that wasn't true. If that was true then she was fucked. What did that mean? Regina had built it? Was she planning on moving into it with Mal? Fuck, this woman was like a barnacle.

Mal smirked, obviously pleased. "Well. That look might be the best I've seen all day. I'll see you later... sheriff."

Emma glared, her eyes burning with angry tears as Mal disappeared. She had done so well. She had done so well, she had felt so good fighting for what was hers. And in the last second... defeated.

* * *

 

"I kicked Mal out but she's not leaving." Emma hadn’t knocked as much as barged through Mary-Margaret’s door, scaring her best friend and her toddler.

"What?" Mary-Margaret jumped up and closed the door behind her, frowning.

"I kicked Maleficent out of the house but she says that Regina _built_ her a cabin somewhere. Somewhere _here_! She's not leaving town, M.M., she’s not leaving." She tried to take a deep breath and relax but failed miserably.

"Okay... okay, Emma, well...” Mary-Margaret shifted a little in place. Her eyes were pinched and worried even though she was clearly trying to not look that way at all. She was pulling off casual about as well as Emma was and seeing that didn’t help her stress. “Do you believe her?"

"Probably."

"Why?"

Emma ran her hands through her hair and then dropped them down into her back pockets. "I dunno. She was too damn smug to be lying."

Mary-Margaret's head tilted to the side. "What made you finally kick her out?"

"She and Regina are sleeping together."

"What?" Mary-Margaret cried in disbelief. "Nooooo. No way!"

Emma waved her hand. "This isn't one of those moments where I want you to convince me otherwise. I'm sure."

Mary-Margaret was speechless. She sank onto the couch looking ill. "Mal has quite an appetite, doesn't she?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"The other day I walked into the station to find her all but in David's lap. The poor idiot looked so confused I couldn't even be mad at him." She breathed, her face a little pale.

"She's a viper all right."

"Are you sure, Emma? Are you really sure? Regina loves you! She would never cheat on you."

"I haven't seen them together if that's what you mean. I guess I'll, I dunno, do you think I should try to?"

"No!" Mary-Margaret shouted, her whole body spasming at the thought. "No, you don't need to see that."

Only thing - she was pretty sure that she did...


	22. Chapter 22

**Emma**

If the situation had been anything other than what it was, Emma would have loved her own theme music.

The next morning she sat with Mary-Margret, sipping cups of coffee and waiting for the house to rise and get started on their day. They had tried to carry on a conversation when Mary-Margaret had first arrived but both were far too distracted and jumpy. The pressure of the elephant in the room was far too large.

This surprised Emma because hadn't this been her job once? Sneaking around, spying, gathering intel; it had been her career until a few short years ago. Had she gotten rusty so fast? Or was it the personal nature of the subject matter?

Either way, she couldn’t blame Mary-Margaret for having that weird pinched look on her face again.

"Mary-Margaret!"

Emma’s raven haired friend jumped and her cup almost fell from her hands.

Regina clicked her way into the kitchen, looking as usual green and sick. “Good morning. I wasn’t expecting to see you this early. Is everything all right?”

Emma watched Regina move like her very bones hurt.

Why did she always look like that in the morning? She wondered if Regina wasn't just liberally using Craft but also perhaps hitting the wine hard enough for a daily hangover. She had no idea but Regina seemed honestly wrecked.

Maybe it was just the tension from the night before that was left over in the taut features of Regina's face. Emma had expected Regina to fight with her when she learned that Emma had kicked Mal out, but to Emma's worried surprise she hadn't. She had simply shrugged. Somehow Regina's lack of reaction made the night all the more awkward and tense because she had been waiting for her to snap. Both had been walking on a knife’s edge, barely able to speak to the other.

That wasn’t all that different, she guessed.

Emma had stayed up an hour longer than Regina just to postpone lying beside her in bed, avoiding her and worrying that maybe she had the whole thing wrong again.

"Good morning, Regina." Emma's best friend grinned at her wife while Emma studied her coffee cup. "Everything’s fine, I was up early."

"I see." Regina gave her a bland smile and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Things are so quiet here today." Mary-Margaret hedged with a look of innocence on her face. "It must be nice to finally have your house to yourselves again!"

Emma kicked her under the table.

Regina gave her a detached smile. “Hmmm. Emma, say goodbye to the children for me, please.”

“Yeah, sure.” She sat for a moment, listening for the front door and then turned on her friend. "Really, M.M? Really?"

Mary-Margaret batted her eyelashes, polite curiosity and a slightly maddening innocence radiating off of her. "I just wanted to see what she would say! Also, for the record, I just want to say one more time that I do not approve of this."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She knew. Of course she knew. And she got it. She just didn’t think she could listen... not about this. So instead she gave Mary-Margaret a quick smile and grabbed her keys. "Thank you for getting the kids ready. Meet me at Granny's for lunch? I'm buying."

"That would be nice," she heard her friend call as she closed the door behind her.

 

At first she hadn't been able to decide how to go about this. It was a fact that really had made her angry because she was _trained_ to do this.

Storybrooke was small. You could easily tail someone but you could also easily get caught.

She had hopped into Mary-Margaret's nondescript sedan and pulled out into traffic. All of her former police training came back to Emma as she followed her wife's black car from a few cars back.

She had expected it to be hard, but since the entire town was ten miles by ten miles there was no time for things to grow complicated.

After a few turns, Regina pulled into the small lot of her office, a fact that somehow surprised Emma and didn’t surprise her all at once.

Emma circled the block once, waiting for Regina to go inside, and then parked on the street and quickly ran toward the office windows.

She knew she could simply walk into the building, claim to have something for Regina and see with ease if she were there but if she were what would she say? 'Hi honey, I just wanted to follow you because I think you might be banging someone who isn't me'.

She chuckled. It was probably more commonly said than she thought. In fact, she knew it was.

Around the back, she scaled the small neighboring building and, with a small struggle, pulled herself up onto the roof to get a glance into the second story window. She was lucky Regina's office faced this way and not out toward the parking lot.

There she saw the last thing that she had expected.

Regina.

Her wife was pulling off her coat with hands that shook hard enough that Emma could see it from where she stood. She sat with a frown at her desk and let her head hit the table.

Emma grimaced. She had always hated it when Regina was upset. It wasn’t in her nature to sit back and do nothing about it. But now... what she was feeling was such a mix of emotions. She wanted to run in there and throw her arms around her and do whatever was needed to make that despairing tormented look clear from Regina's beautiful face - while being glad to see it and hoping it was a sign of remorse.

She watched Regina get to work and sat with a thump behind a large chimney. Okay so...she was wrong. Regina was at work. Or? She looked back at Regina and it was clear the woman was struggling. She watched as Regina did some parlor tricks, disappearing and reappearing a few times, making larger and larger balls of witchfire, shooting sparks.

She didn’t get it until Regina settled back into her chair with relief clear on her face. Comprehension clicked in Emma. It was some type of withdrawal, wasn't it? Or at least, something like it? She needed a build up in order to focus. It was like an alcoholic having just one drink in the morning to get rid of the shakes.

The thought made her stomach turn.

Emma watched, waiting for some type of confirmation. It took a while but a bit later she watched Regina grow twitchy again. She did a few more parlor tricks but it didn't seem to help like it had that morning.

She watched fascinated and appalled as Regina stood, clearly upset and begin to pace. Was she talking to someone or herself? It was like playing the hardest game of Charades ever. She couldn’t tell what she was saying, but she could see when Regina gave a shout and with a snarl, picked up and threw her paperweight across the room where it shattered on the wall opposite of the window.

Emma would have laughed at her wife’s fit of anger that, if she were honest reminded her a lot of the woman she had first met. She would have laughed if Regina hadn't then taken a deep breath and disappeared in a torrent of purple.

"Son of a bitch!" Emma cried, stumbling to her feet.

She waited. She waited for a long time hoping to see Regina reappear, or her car move, or anything really.

She hadn’t thought about this as an option. She hadn’t considered that she might just, _poof_ , disappear.

She didn't finally move from her spot, vexed. She didn’t move until Mary-Margret called and insisted she wasn't going to wait at Granny's anymore.

"Any chance Regina is there?" Emma asked with no hope.

"Uh, no? Wait! Oh, my god." Her voice dropped to a low whisper, "Does that mean she isn't at work?"

"Uh, she was. Then she... went somewhere else."

"Well? Why didn't you follow her?"

"She didn't take her car."

"Oh."

"Yeah.” Emma kicked at a pebble on the roof. “Okay. I'm on my way."

She swung down from the roof with ease, her heart pounding in her chest as it had been since Regina had disappeared.

Where the hell could she have gone?

She brushed some dusty dirt off of her pants and as she straightened, an idea hit her.

Of course, it was so obvious!

She raced the car over to Granny's, but instead of going in the front and meeting her friend and her daughter, she went through the back door. She wasn't sure how she would know but duh, _of course_ this is where she was. Unless... unless the thing Mal had said about a cabin was true but... no, she would believe that for sure when she saw it. Regina might be fucking her, but if she was, she either put on a very good show or she was doing it grudgingly. OR at least that was the feeling she had gotten from watching Regina that morning.

Unless she knew you were watching this morning.

A wave of paranoia washed over her. Could that be it? Could Regina have known she was there?

As quickly as the thought came, she dismissed it. No. If Regina knew she was watching she would have stayed at work. Right?

She slunk up the stairs on the balls of her toes, her hands wanting to lock together as though she still had her gun. It was a habitual body language. She moved toward the inn rooms wishing she did have her pistol, not because she thought she was in danger but because it just would have felt nice to have something in her hand as she did it. It would have made her feel like Detective Swan again and less like a prowling wife looking for a traitorous significant other.

How should she do this? She wasn't even sure of how many rooms there were in the inn. Were they all on this level?

She crawled through the hallways sniffing for Regina's perfume or perhaps the scent of Mal's cigarettes and found nothing.

She could pull the fire alarm, but she had no doubt that neither Regina nor Mal would come running out if she did. Honestly, they were a flight risk no matter what. She could find their room, kick open the door and they could both be gone before she rounded the corner. She supposed they would leave behind the smell of their essence, at least for a minute or two. Would that be proof enough?

Clicking heels had her pressing her back against the wall, peeking around a corner like a Mission Impossible rip-off. Her heart, which had been getting a hell of a work out this morning, jumped into her throat and for a moment she couldn’t breathe.

Damn. Not who she was hoping for.

"Ruby!”

Ruby gave a yelp and dropped the keys she was holding.

“Rubes. Come'ere."

The girl looked around baffled. "Em? What the fuck are you doing?"

"Which room is Mal in?"

Ruby frowned, giving her a look of pity that Emma didn't really care for. "None. She's not staying here."

Emma groaned, her locked shoulders falling. "Where else would she be? She has to be here. This is the only place in town!”

Ruby shrugged, her lips pressing to a thin, pissed off line. "I have no idea, but Granny and I don't want anything to do with that bitch. She showed up a few days ago saying that you and Regina were fighting but we kicked her out. Isn't she staying with you?" Emma gave her a dry look and Ruby blinked, her face falling open. "So it's true then? Mal and Re -" she caught sight of Emma’s face and choked on her words. "I kind of thought that maybe I was being a little crazy - you know how I can get."

Emma didn't respond.

“I’m sorry, Em.”

Emma just took a deep breath, anxiously crossing her arms.

There was no way of knowing where Regina had gone. None. She sighed and gave up. She would have to find another way.

She clapped Ruby on the shoulder and headed downstairs to Mary-Margaret.

* * *

 

 

Now that they knew that Regina _was_ leaving the office - or, at least, had the one time, Mary-Margaret’s attitude changed. Emma thought that perhaps Mary-Margaret hadn’t really believed it, not fully. Now, with the truth slapping them in the face, she insisted Emma keep it up until she found out where she was going. She came over and got the kids ready and watched Bonnie the two following mornings after that.

Both mornings Emma pulled herself up on the roof and hid behind the chimney. Once, while Regina was pacing and looking sick, she had come to the window and Emma had only just ducked in time.

Both days somewhere within a few hours Regina would grow too agitated and would disappear to unknown locations. Once Emma had tried to follow, closing her eyes and trying to disappear to wherever Regina was going in a cloud of white, but instead she had just spent the next few minutes retching off the side of the roof. The next Emma had brought a book and waited to see when Regina would return. She had returned a few hours before she was usually due home, her eyes glowing so brightly that Emma could see them despite the bright afternoon light. She had done some work with vigorous concentration, looking like Speedy Gonzales, then rest in her chair, limp for a little while before leaving. Emma had arrived home minutes after her, surprised to find that Regina's eyes were suddenly almost back to their normal brown.

Regina's whereabouts plagued her thoughts during all waking hours. She imagined all possibilities, zoning out and lost in her own thoughts constantly. It was like the answer to an unsolvable riddle.

She named off all of the places she could disappear to but she had a feeling she knew where she was going.

That cabin must be a real place.

Shit.

She considered hiking through the woods looking for it - the forest couldn't be that big, right? That was when she realized she might be losing her mind a bit.

This meant that there was only one more option if she really wanted to know.

The evening of the third night she sat, twitching nervously as she waited for Regina to come home from work.

It was true, the house was calmer than usual without Mal hovering in the wings. It was nice. If only she could get her insides to match. Instead, she felt chaotic and tumbled as ever, her mind exhausted as she tried to contemplate it all over and over and over again.

When Regina finally did appear she looked a little worse for wear, perhaps her afternoon had not gone well, but Emma promptly handed her their daughter.

"I have an errand I have to run. I'll see you later."

"Wha- Emma, I need to shower."

Emma ignored her, trotting down the drive and down the street without the car.

She hadn't kissed Regina goodbye. The thought hit her just as she rounded the far corner and onto Main street. She _hadn’t_ kissed Regina goodbye. Had she noticed? She hadn't meant to do it, it had just happened. She realized with a gut-wrenching pang that it was the first time she had done that in years.

She didn't like it.

 

She was thankful she had arrived at her destination and didn't need to think about it. When she threw open the door to the shop the man behind the counter jumped, instantly annoyed with her bull-in-a-china-shop ways.

"Ah, if it isn't Mrs. Mills."

Emma sighed, her hands wrapping in the front pocket of her hoodie. "Gold. It's been a while."

"Emma!" Belle came around the corner and hugged her tightly. "Oh, my god, Em, you missed a crazy night out."

Emma laughed and hugged her friend. It had been quite a while since she had seen her. "Yeah, I heard."

"Are you here socially or are you on a mission?"

Emma frowned. There was no point in beating around the bush. "Mission. Not that I'm not happy to see you and everything, Belles."

"Is uh," Belle's wise eyes shadowed, "is that why you're here? The uh, night out?"

Emma scowled. She had been hoping to keep her intentions vague but... but fuck, Regina hadn’t been subtle. Everyone in town seemed to apparently know. "Uh, yeah. Basically."

From behind the counter, Gold cleared her throat in an ostentatious way, drawing their attention back to him. "You're going to have to explain, I'm afraid. I'm not fluent in ' _girl talk_ '. I don’t have time. You don’t have time. Let’s not waste what neither of us have, huh?"

"Okay, fine." With all the confidence of the former sheriff, she stepped up to him and told him plainly what she needed. "I need a way of tracking someone."

"Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't that sort of your specialty?"

Belle gave him a warning look.

"Yeah, well. This... person..." she avoided Belle's all too understanding eyes, "goes somewhere and then disappears using Craft. I don't know how to follow that."

"And you want to know where Regina is going," He stated.

Emma winced as his callousness. "Can you maybe not be a dick for a minute? I let a lot of shit slide when I was sheriff. Plus," she reached for straws, "I might be sheriff again one day. You know that has _always_ been the plan."

"Too true, too true," he muttered and yet was obviously unaffected. "So you want…"

"A way to follow her or track her or something, I don't know. I was hoping you would have a suggestion."

He began to laugh, opening a book and flipping through it. "And you will be the one doing this?"

"Uh, yeah."

Suddenly the book closed with a slap. "Sorry, can't help you."

"What? Why?"

"Nope, sorry. Can't do it."

An unfair wave of anger hit her and she considered decking the prick. God, the people of Storybrooke would throw her a parade. She was fully aware that some of the anger she felt, okay most, was not really directed at him but still, what the hell?

"Before you both get your panties in a twist," he held up his hand to an angry looking Belle, "let me explain."

Emma crossed her arms, waiting. She was fairly sure that anything other than ‘yes, Emma, here is your answer’, would be unacceptable. "Well?"

"I'm not unreasonable. Look at you. You haven't got the gumption. You've gone soft, sheriff."

"I have not!" Emma cried at the same moment his wife said his name in a low threatening voice.

"Oh no? You gave up red leather because, what, you're such a fan of Minecraft?"

Emma glanced at the breast of the sweatshirt she had borrowed from Henry that morning and flushed.

"Craft is a muscle. When it is not used it atrophies. You can't ignore it for years, deny your nature _for years_ and then still expect it to be there for you when you want it."

"So, in other words, you're saying I hurt its feelings?"

He gave her a dry glare.

"No, I call bullshit. Absolute bullshit. You could do this for me. Make it fucking work. Give me _something_. I know you. You always have something up your sleeve."

"You know, I could." He said clicking his tongue, his finger tapping on the glass counter as he thought. "But I won't. You see, I'm the mayor now and unlike our last mayor, that means no more dirty dealings."

"All of her dirty dealings were with _you_!"

He continued over her though, not hearing her at all. "It was my wife's idea and frankly I support it in full. My suggestion, stay away from Craft unless you're willing to embrace it, actually use it and respect it." She opened her mouth to continue arguing but he just grinned. "Have a good day now." And suddenly she was on the outside of his locked door.

She growled and turned on her heels. Fine. She would go to the library. Maybe she would find something.

 

But she didn't.

 

Most of the books on Craft were basic, not willing to give away much information. The volumes she really needed were the ones that were often passed down from mother to child. Perhaps Regina would have some in her vault. She would look there next if she couldn't find anything here.

She poured through book after book, hoping for a clue and trying not to fume.

She knew Gold had done this _exact_ thing for people before.

She hissed and slammed the book closed.

"Here." A Styrofoam cup appeared beside her as Belle took a seat across from her. "I know you think that he's just being unfair and usually, I would agree with you. I mean, I love him, but I also _know_ him. I think though that this time he may have a point."

Emma sighed, sipping from the cup. "I know. I'm just... pissed. I'm pissed at myself, I'm pissed at Regina, and I'm pissed at these books." She shoved them away from her just to make her point.

"I understand."

"Belle, you know a lot about this crap, right?"

"Well, I have read most of his books so... maybe."

"Why is it -" she paused. This was awkward. But this was Belle. She hung out with her all of the time. She didn't need to feel… "I've seen Regina when she's using too much Craft before. We _all_ have."

She knew that Belle was remembering the clock tower lying in a crumbled mess in the middle of Main street. "Right."

"I mean, you saw her the other night. I have to assume she was, um, that she uh, had a lot in her."

"Right."

"Well, why isn't she like she was before? I have to assume she's not fully in control of herself otherwise, well, you know." She almost wished Regina was behaving as the younger craft filled version of herself would. Wild and out of control, like a drunkard trying to function in real life. If she were, she could simply call Regina out on that and things would be easier.

"Oh." Belle sat up straighter in her chair, clearly pleased to have an answer to the question. "I know this one. It’s because she's older now. Strength and control tend to increase the older we get, though I think, what it really is all about is that Regina is a mom now."

"But Regina was a mom then too. I mean, Henry was little but -"

"No, no, you misunderstand. I know that Henry is her son, absolutely, but Regina has given _birth_ now."

"Okay. How does that change...anything?"

"It's hard to say. I think I need to look through a few books but I know it changes everything about you physically and you direct and channel Craft physically, in a way."

"Okay." Emma frowned.

"Emma, what I'm saying is she has more control to draw from. Her essence is mixed with the essence of the other two now. She can take more in without losing control fully because, well, she has more power to draw from. I would guess that one of your children is going to be quite powerful, maybe even both. The kid probably doesn't even know it or feel it. Have you considered getting them to do the Working to find her with you?"

Emma let her head roll back onto her shoulders. So Regina was tapping into their kids' power reserves in order to stay afloat and in control. Great.

She knew who it would be. Their little sweet pea.

He was going to have it. If Belle was correct then there was a chance that both Oliver and Bonnie would have it.

She pressed her palms to her eyes and swore.

So her choices stood as this: use her six-year-old to help her catch his cheating mother or - do it herself.

There was no question.

She wouldn't do it.

Well, no. There was one question.

How?


	23. Chapter 23

**Emma**

* * *

Everyone learned the rules and workings of Craft somewhere. For some, like Regina, they were given tutors or their parents worked diligently to teach them. Some were taught by friends and neighbors, while others learned by trial and error, like Emma. That is, she had learned by trial and error until she met Virginia and Ivy.

She had met the now crone sisters by something that _looked_ a lot like an accident, during one of the times she was living on the streets.

 

 

_Twenty-Two Years Before_

 

_Her stomach gurgled again, cramping her over just a bit as she continued her path up and down the street median. She moaned and rubbed at her stomach, trying to rub away the pain. She straightened and then sniffed, though why she had bothered she didn't know because her runny nose had frozen the second it touched the freezing wind. Her hands were numb, yet they screamed in pain, her nose burned and her eyes ached._

_She was only twelve and she knew this was no way to live. Everything hurt, from her head to her feet. The air hurt her skin, the wet – her bones ached._

_She knew she could make a little ball of fire_ _to help warm her, assuming the cops didn't catch her, but she was too hungry. She couldn't concentrate. She had tried and she couldn’t, she just couldn’t!_

_"Please!" She called to the line of cars all waiting to turn. “Please!” She begged but each driver of the car looked away as she approached, talking to their passenger in an overly animated way, studying street signs across the road or just pointedly not looking at her. No one wanted to roll down their windows, not when it was this cold outside. No one was out on the street either. She had been hoping to make enough to stay at some dingy hotel for the night, somewhere with a bed and a hot shower. It was looking grim._

_She was so hungry._

_She was so cold._

_The light turned green and the line of cars zipped by her with obvious relief._

_"Noooo!" She cried after them watching them go. "Come on! Please!"_

_She hated begging._

_Maybe she could just sneak into a room somehow. It worked every now and then._

_Where else could she go?_

_There was that shelter downtown but they knew her now. They would turn her back into her social worker and she would be sent back... there. She couldn’t go back._

_She gave up. On numb and shaking feet, she crossed the street and headed toward the bus stop. Her body hurt in a way that made her think she needed to warm up for a little while and at least, when she was warm she might be able to sleep for a bit. Perhaps the snowfall would lessen and she could come back later._

_She didn't have the change to spare but the bus…_ _at least it would be warmer for a little while._

_She put her change into the meter as soon as the bus pulled up and felt a pang as she realized that, oh no, the meter had eaten one of her nickels. She was now five cents short._

_Panicked, she looked up at the driver and back, scared. He didn’t see her put in enough change. He didn’t see the machine eat it._

_Tears pricked at her young eyes as she stared at the hard face of the bus driver, waiting to be kicked off. She knew she should just get off by herself but while it wasn't very warm in here, there was no snow blowing into her face. She couldn’t make her legs take her away._

_"Does anyone have a nickel?" She called but the bus riders all pretended not to hear her. “Please, just a nickel? It ate my nickel.”_

_Silence came from the passengers, headphones suddenly were shoved into ears, uncomfortable coughing, but no one answered her._

_"It's all right, kid. I saw it eat your nickel. Go sit down." The man's gruff face smiled and he pulled a nickel from his pocket._

_She thanked him politely, not wanting to admit that his kindness made her want to cry again, and huddled into a ball in the very back._

_She had no plan so she just waited, enjoying the slow feeling as it came back to her extremities. As they began to tingle she fell into a light doze._

 

_It happened too soon._

_"I'm sorry, kid. This is the end of the line. You have to get off."_

_She wanted to protest, to beg but instead she nodded and pulled herself from her comfortable spot by the window. She could feel her body again but that wasn't much better because now everything ached. That always scared her a bit, making her worry that she had done some type of damage by being so cold._

_It was only then that she realized that she didn't have enough to get back. She had been so cold before. She hadn't been thinking._

_She stood in the snow, mourning the fact that it was deeper out here in the middle of nowhere and decided to start walking back toward the city._

_Soon she was numb. Her little hands worked constantly against themselves but they couldn't seem to pull any heat from the other one._

_That's why when she saw the small store she didn't hesitate. She had to eat and she had to get warm._

 

_The store was blissfully warm and for a moment inside the glass doors she couldn't do anything but enjoy it._

_It had a strange smell to it, something like incense and warm rich soaps. She wandered through the strange aisles looking at fruits and vegetables she had never seen before._ _Carrots could be purple? And pink? She touched them and yes they felt like normal carrots._

_She looked around. No one was watching her. She grabbed a bunch of the carrots and shoved them into her jacket. Her heart was racing, sure, but she had done this before. She was a pro. She grabbed some crackers and peanut butter. She was just shoving a small glass bottle of milk into her full jacket when a hand closed on her shoulder._

_With a yelp, the bottle crashed to the floor, splintering up the side and leaking._

_Caught! She had been caught! Her eyes darted toward the door, only, everyone was looking at her now. There was no way she could get all the way over there and out._

_She turned, ready to face the music._

_The two women standing over her scared her more than she thought she had ever been scared before. They looked so sweet. That terrified her._

_"I'm sorry, I can fix it!" she cried, desperately. She didn't want to go to jail. She had heard about what the jail for kids was like. It was the foster kids' nightmare._

_Then again… jail might be warm._

_She bent over the bottle and closed her eyes._

_She thought maybe it was working, maybe she was fixing it. If she fixed it then they couldn’t be mad, right? It was working it was - she heard a shatter and a shout. The bottle had exploded._

_"Oh, my!" One of the identical women had cried, trying hard and failing to hide her laughter._

_"Well, that was quite a show, little girl!" The other laughed openly but sweetly._

_Tears began to fall down her thin cheeks but she wasn't giving in yet. She was about to turn and hightail it for the door, the odds be damned, when one of them reached forward and got a gentle but firm grasp on her arm._

_"None of that, child, none of that."_

_She opened her mouth to plead but what could she say?_

_"Now. Why don't you empty your jacket and we can have a chat?"_

 

They had brought her back to their home and after a long hot bath, they had rubbed some flowery oil into her hands, nose and feet and then wrapped her in a giant fuzzy blanket and gave her a huge bowl of soup.

Emma had never wanted to stay with anyone more, but even at the age of twelve she knew that was not the role that the women were meant to have in her life.

They had been her first teachers and it was to them she now ran.

* * *

 

 

She was terrified by the idea of leaving her three children in the hands of Regina for any amount of time but... there was nothing that she could do. Two out of three children were in school. She had to go and they couldn’t come with her. She had made Henry promise to watch out for them diligently and tried not to think about what might happen in her bed while she was gone.

Regina had seemed panicked when she announced that she would be leaving later that night. She couldn’t quite place why Regina had been so scared. She had never been an absent parent before. She had stayed with their kids alone many times.

Then again, just as she was leaving she saw the look on Regina’s face and all at once she had the strangest feeling that Regina was terrified she wouldn't be coming back.

"Maybe we should come too, Emma.” She stopped her just before Emma had walked out the door. “I could use some time out of the city and they haven't seen Bonnie since she was born." But then Regina's face had fallen as though she had instantly changed her mind. Emma almost wanted to laugh. Ivy already would know what she was doing and Virginia would feel it as soon as they walked into the door.

She had promised her that she just needed a quick trip to the twins and that she would be back. She did her best to ignore Regina's sputters and huge, frightened eyes.

Then she got in her car and she started toward the outskirts of Boston.

 

Emma didn't have a mother. She was an orphan and truly she had always been okay with that. Even Virginia and Ivy couldn't really be called mother figures, still she felt a wide-eyed girlish excitement when she pulled into the driveway of the little stone house; the house that never changed, not in twenty-something years.

She clicked open the door as quietly as she could and tiptoed inside. She was sure she had them this time. Her trip had been so unexpected and her car was so quiet that there was no way they heard her.

It had been a game growing up. She never told them when she was coming, how would she? Yet there was always a plate of cookies waiting for her as well as a bath - the water still piping hot.

She had to have gotten them this time. She hadn't been to visit in a year!

But she didn't get one foot off the front mat before Ivy’s voice came from the front room. "Wipe your feet before you come in, we just washed the floors. And hurry up girl, your bath is going to get cold!"

"Damn it!" she cried and immediately stomped into the kitchen and straight to the fridge. There on the little calendar, which always was taped there, in Ivy's curling script read 'Emma's visit' with the next three days scrawled out. She might as well give up. She was never going to surprise them. She wasn't even sure you could surprise someone who did the type of readings that Ivy did.

Apparently she was going to stay for three days as well. That was news to her. She had only planned one.

Virginia came into the kitchen first with a cry of delight and threw her arms around her. She hugged her tightly and then stood for a moment looking at her with sad eyes before she let out a small cry and rubbed Emma's chest, just over her heart. "Hmmm. We'll work that out later."

Ivy came next, one hand on her hip, her face stern. "This is _not_ a good reason to begin using your Craft again, Emma. I always told you not to give it up in the first place but this!"

Emma rolled her eyes and pulled the batty old woman into a hug.

An empath and a soothsayer. She had never even _tried_ to get away with anything when she was young. She looked at her old friends and for a moment was honestly happy. They both had grown thin over the years, unlike when she was young. Still, their looks paired with one another and yet were as different as night and day, just like always. Despite being twins, they looked very little alike. As usual Ivy was beautiful, her chin squared, her nose long and thin, her eyes the same silver-blue they had always been. Whereas Virgina's looks were a little more homey. Her jaw was squared too, just instead of jutting sharp and angular like Ivy's did, it had a softness to it. Her eyes, a sky blue, were softer, rounder, sweeter.

It was wonderful to see them.

"I really wish you would have brought those kids." Ivy sighed. "I can't believe how big Henry is getting. But oh well, they will be fine with Regina for a few days."

"Oh yeah?" Emma asked, suddenly needing to know.

"Yes, sweetheart. She isn't even going to do that nasty little thing you were worried about. You should give her some credit."

Emma scoffed. "Well, she is cheating on me so- wait, she is right? Cheating... on me? Right?"

Ivy just gave her a withering look.

"Oh, Ivy, don't give her a hard time. She's so tired. Don't worry, love, we called a gathering for you tomorrow."

"A gathering?" Emma grinned her best childish grin. "With everyone?"

"That's right dear. Now scoot, go up to your bath."

"You know, I did shower this morning!" She laughed but let them push her toward the stairs, because this was the routine. "I don't need a bath like I used to as a kid."

"Everyone needs a bath now and then and you don't have one." Virginia kissed her cheek and gave her a swat on the butt.

"Don't worry, dear." Ivy said with a wet smack. "You two will soon turn a corner in this."

It turned out she did need the bath. She sank into it and let out a long sigh, taking in the scent of the lavender and eucalyptus pouches that floated around her.

Virginia and Ivy had always been a lighthouse in the darkness for her. She had been in and out for years and now, sitting in the tub she had known for so many years, she felt her tight chest unhitch.

She hadn't been aware she was keeping herself so tightly wound.

She closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto the rim of the tub and took slow, deep breaths, just trying to keep her head above water.

 

She woke up the next morning and rolled over in the fresh smelling sheets, feeling the warm morning sun on her cheek.

She had slept better than she had ever thought was possible. So well, actually, that she wondered if the women had given her some type of root or powder to help.

She didn't mind if they had. She might ask for it again that night. Even Ollie's phone call hadn't actually pulled her so far out of sleep that she couldn't fall right back into it.

She stumbled downstairs, pajama-clad and grinned when she found that it wasn't just Virginia and Ivy in the sunroom, sipping coffee, but also Joan, Patty, and Angela.

"Look at you!" Patty rose to hug her first. "It's been years." Patty kissed both of her cheeks, her wiry frizzy hair tickling Emma’s face.

She took the coffee that Ivy held out for her and settled into the middle armchair, surrounded by the ladies, feeling loved.

"Are you sure about this, Honeychile? _Mal pris_ , but this -" Angela shook her head, "there has to be another way." Emma gave her half a smile and Angela understood. "Well, I brought you some etouffee, you bring it back to those childrens."

They spent a while laughing and talking about Emma's children and Emma herself as a young one. Finally when the sun was highest in the sky Ivy sighed. "Well. It seems it's time to get started."

Ivy pat her hand and rose.

They followed hand in hand and together began to create the circle.


	24. Chapter 24

**Regina**

* * *

She couldn't sit still. Every time she tried her legs would twitch and she would rise again against her will.

So she cleaned. She organized. She redecorated. She spent the first day doing nothing else, blowing off work despite the fact that she knew her boss would be angry. He was always angry with her these days.

She didn't blame him.

"Come on." Mal groaned and pressed her body against her back.

Regina was busy hastily washing the dinner dishes, slopping water onto the floor and not caring.

"We could be - we _should_ be having some fun while Emma's gone." Mal's hand snaked over her ass, reaching between her legs. "Loads of fun."

Regina hadn't meant to do it, she hadn’t even tried. She had simply flinched at being touched that way at that moment and in a shock of mental energy Mal suddenly flew back and hit the opposite wall.

"Shit! Really, Regina? Was that necessary?"

"Sorry." She gave half a glance over her shoulder to be sure the wall was undamaged then went back to the dishes.

Emma had left her and the kids. She was sure of it. Her baby had left her and their babies.

Somehow she had known and she had left them all.

 _Somehow_. Regina scoffed. Great mystery there. You haven't exactly been hiding it well, Regina. For all you know you _told_ her at some point when you were... not yourself.

And now…

Now Emma wasn’t here and Mal wanted to have fun.

The night before Mal had tried to insist on staying over. Regina had taken a huge pull of Mal's essence, annoyed by the lack of Magic in it and then closed the door in her face. It had taken her a long while to work herself up enough, but eventually she had crashed on the living room couch, enjoying the blank mind that came from that much essence working within her.

The hangover this morning had been staggering, bad enough that she had only taken a small amount from Mal, leaving her uncomfortably sober.

Something was very wrong and it was her fault. Something bad was coming for her and Regina deserved every second of it.

Mal leaned against the counter, her eyes smoky fire. "Is there a reason why you have lost sudden interest in this? Emma is _out of the way_ for a few days. We should be enjoying ourselves." Mal leaned forward and licked the tip of her ear. "In every room of the house."

Regina shrugged her off and moved across the kitchen toward the counter that had already been wiped clean, spraying it down and then wiping it again. "My children are upstairs."

Mal snorted. "Your children?"

Regina could feel her eyes on her and she felt bad. She knew she was honestly confused, but she also knew that no explanation would be enough for Mal. Trying to explain the fear that Emma might leave her to someone like Mal was like trying to speak to her in Hungarian - easy for those who spoke the language, but for Mal it would be impossible.

Mal didn't understand family. As far as Regina knew _she_ was the person who had stuck by her the longest. She considered _her_ family.

And what a fucked up family they made.

Plus, how could Regina ask for sympathy? She had created this situation all by herself.

A loud shriek from upstairs made her freeze. Which one was that?

Mal groaned.

"Mommy!" Ollie's scared little voice floated down the stairs.

Regina dried her hands quickly and turned, but Mal was blocking her in. "Doesn't he know it's adult time now?" She was leaning in for a kiss and Regina felt her heart skip in a painful way.

They had been doing terrible things, it was true, but for some reason, Regina hadn't been able to make her lips touch Mal's for anything other than essence exchange. It didn't really matter overall and she could tell that sometimes Mal wanted it but she just hadn't been able to get herself to do it.

"Shut up, Mal." Regina hissed, pushing past her.

She climbed the stairs with her heart in her throat.

"Mommy!" Ollie screamed again through a teary voice.

He didn't look relieved when she stepped through the door. "Hey sweet pea. What's wrong?"

He wiped at his face with his fist. "Where's Mommy?"

"She is visiting the aunties, remember?"

He began to wail again, curling up into himself. "Nooooo."

"It's all right." She ran her fingers through his hair and felt her lip tremble. She hadn't actually held her boy in so long. She missed the feeling of him in her arms but right now he was huddling across the bed as though she might bite him. "Did you have a bad dream?"

He nodded. "Can I call her?"

She checked her watch. It was kind of late. "Sweetie, why don't you come sit with me? Maybe I can help."

His lip trembled and he began to cry again.

"Why don't you tell me what your dream was about?"

He wrapped his blanket around himself looking like he would rather not.

"Come on, sweet pea, what happened?"

Big fat tears fell down his cheeks as he wailed. "You hurt Mommy."

"What?" she gasped, the air knocked out of her lungs in a woosh. Pain washed through her, curling her toes with the force of it. Oh god, that look on his face hurt, so accusatory.

"You did something bad to her. I wanna talk to Mommmmy!"

She closed her mouth, which had been agape since his proclamation. "Okay. Okay, sweetie." She tried to speak even though her voice was dry and strangled. With a pop, her phone appeared in her hand and she gave it to him.

He grabbed it, seeming to calm a little and dialed.

Was she so bad? She watched her son's face as he anxiously waited for his other mother. Was she so bad that it had leaked into her oh so sensitive son's dreams?

She heard Emma's sleepy voice answer the phone.

"Mommy!"

Regina zoned out, her gut sick and slimy. She hated herself for this. For being someone who could star in Ollie's nightmares. What was wrong with her?

_You hurt Mommy._

What had she done?

Her fingers, which had already been shaking all evening, picked up their pace, jittering hard.

The need began to fill her, making her thirsty for something other than water.

She was surprised when the phone ended up back in her lap. Ollie stood and jumped off of his bed. "Where are you going?"

"Mommy told me to sleep with Henry."

"Oh." Another wave of hurt hit her as she realized that her wife had not sent their son to cuddle with her but instead to cuddle with his brother. Had she really become so far removed?

She followed him to Henry's room, opening the door for him.

Henry was asleep on his back, his long body sprawled across his bed as he snored loudly. In his plaid boxer shorts and white socks he looked more like Emma than Regina had ever realized. Emma as a teenage boy.

Ollie crawled up beside him and like a cat he curled up on Henry's shoulder and covered himself with the blanket.

She closed the door, heartsick.

What was she doing?

The pain washed over her in waves.

She just wanted to be alone.

She was too sober for this.

But when she went downstairs and saw Mal's eyes glowing that deep purple grey her stomach clenched.

"I decided our evening could use a little bit of a pick me up." Mal's head lolled a bit and Regina wondered what she had mixed tonight. She didn't care.

She made a choice. The bad choice - again.

She grabbed Mal's face and took three huge swallows, desperate to escape.

Immediately she knew what Mal had mixed and wanted to worry - she hadn't taken hard drugs in a long time. She wanted to be concerned that perhaps Mal had left the needle somewhere the kids would find it or that she wouldn't be able to function by morning. But worry was somewhere far away now.

She took a fourth long pull and before she lost her head entirely she shoved Mal out the front door.

She thought Mal might be saying something to her but it was all she could do to keep one foot in front of the other.

She didn't want sex.

Not that her body would be asking for it, not with this in her.

She didn't know how she had bundled her so easily, but Mal was gone and she was drifting.

She turned and started up the stairs.

She just had to get to her bed. She needed to get to her bed.

She made it up one stair – two - three before she sank to the floor unconscious.

 


	25. Chapter 25

It was so beautiful here. She had forgotten how beautiful it always was. It was the kind of place that made you believe in fantasy, like sitting in a huge fairy ring.

The lawn was a bright and vibrant green that buzzed with life as small bugs skittered through the grassy jungle on their way to wherever their bug lives called them. She could feel their highways and streets around her, feel their busy and yet comfortable lives as they went about their tasks. The sky was a warm blue that no longer felt distant and far off but instead was a tangible thing. It touched the earth, blended with the grass, wrapped the women in its warm glow. Even the breeze which gently kissed her cheeks would every now and then change direction and throw rainbows that sparkled like a crystal prism.

Emma scooted a little closer to Virginia and let her head fall on Virginia's warm shoulder, watching her long fingers trace the crisscrossing patterns that ran over her palm. Virginia always did this at some point early in a visit for all of the guests she cared for. Henry had asked why once when he was little and Virginia had kindly tweaked his nose and laughed. "When I ask you how you're doing you only tell me half-truths.” She had explained. “Everyone does, dear, it's human nature. I want all of the facts. So I look to your palm."

Virginia didn't do readings for people, not like Ivy did. They were for her, a quick check-in with your soul, your essence. Usually it made Emma feel naked and exposed but this trip – she was already one large exposed nerve.

Virginia sighed as she looked now and pulled out her deck of oracle cards, her wrinkled but sure hands shuffling them as she went. Emma took them when they were passed her way and without having to be told, shuffled them and then cut them four ways, her head never leaving her shoulder.

Once she was done she closed her eyes and let the sun sink into her skin. It was hard not to be at peace within this warm and bright circle, even with everything that was happening in her life.

The circle wasn't large, just big enough to cover the back yard but it was spacious enough for everyone to have the space to fill their time as they saw fit.

Patty and Ivy sat back to back, their eyes closed in deep meditation, humming as one, each with a hand tangled in the grass. Angela and Joan were chatting together quietly on the other side, laughing and teasing like the old friends they were.

This was the perfect place for Emma to come right now, she was sure of it. The familial warmth and affection that radiated through all of them was like a soft cloud for Emma's tired mind to rest on.

She let herself lie back and breathe in the fragrant air. Above her, she watched the tiny pixies flit amongst the trees and through the flowers, dancing throughout the large fairy house that Virginia and Ivy kept neat in their backyard, else snacking on the fruit and cheese the old ladies had put there for them that morning. As she watched a large and rotund sprite stuffed an entire chunk of cheese in its mouth, its jaws working hard.

"Virginia, you're going to make them fat." Emma grinned, shielding her eyes and pointing. "It will be like that one that couldn't fly anymore when I was a kid."

"Oh no." She didn’t bother to look up and see which pixie Emma meant. "They share with the nymph."

Emma sat up straight, her eyebrows high. "You guys got a nymph?"

"Uh huh.” Virginia smiled a little at the cards, or perhaps it was Emma’s excitement. “Ivy wanted to call him Puck because he likes to throw oranges when the tree is fruiting, but I told her that just wasn't nice."

Emma grinned. "When did he move in?"

"Oh, he came sometime in the winter. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll see him."

Emma searched through the patch of trees beside and behind the little house but saw nothing. Still, she couldn’t help but to feel like she was being watched. Shaking her head she had to laugh. She had never gotten over this.

Of course, the whole world knew that Craft existed. It had been studied, quantified in the end, normalized, a lot like handedness. But there were only those _with_ the Craft, and the right kind of Craft at that, knew about this world.

Emma had seen it time and time again but it had taken her three years to finally believe it wasn't some type of mass hallucination.

She had been playing with a small, but nevertheless very pregnant fairy when she had accidentally poked it in the belly. It had hissed at her and given her finger a small but sharp bite.

When the bite was still there even after they left the circle, Emma had finally believed.

"Oh Emma, these cards. They are so sad. I'm so sorry, my dear girl."

Panic rose in her chest, suddenly blocking out the sun. "Wha – what does that mean? Virginia? What does that - does that mean it's going to end badly? Because, I kind of think it's going to end badly."

"I didn't look to see." Virginia answered honestly. "I was more concerned with seeing how you are now. Come here."

She laid Emma out in front of her.

She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the things they had taught her. Feeling her body and her mind connect with the earth, becoming one with each and every blade of grass. Listening to the sound of the wind in the trees, opening herself to hear the song of all living things around her. She took a breath and worked to see from her heart, not her mind.

She was bad at it, even she had to admit that.

Maybe that's why she was bad at Craft.

Virginia’s hands slid over her clavicle but she barely noticed. _Was_ she bad at it or was it just that it made her kind of sick? Was there a difference? Seeing Mal and Regina at it over the last little while, it wasn’t the same as when she used it.

"Whatever you're thinking about, stop it." Virginia softly said, a hand working in a circle on her chest. It was as though her fingers sank into her soul, cupping her heart and softly massaging it. Emma’s eyes closed. She let her fingers drag across her arms and the touch sank all the way down and into Emma's bones.

Emma grinned, caught in her unproductive negative thoughts and instead let her mind roll back to a few years before.

She remembered lying here in a circle in the same spot with Regina. It was the summer solstice and they had decided to spend it with little Oliver, Virginia, and Ivy while Henry was away on a camping trip.

She and Regina had cuddled in the grass together, Emma on her back while Regina sank into her shoulder, while Oliver chased the little winged beings around, the older women laughing about his little naked baby butt.

They had felt good together, their skin blending as one as they basked in the glow of their love and the pleasure that their love for one another brought to those around them.

After a while, Virginia had pulled out her hand drums and Regina had grinned at her, looking radiantly happy. They had stood and danced in celebration of the holiday with their family.

"There you go, cher." Angela cooed from beside her, her voice suddenly much closer than it had been last time Emma had noticed it. "Lettit go. There, there."

Emma realized with surprise that she had begun to cry.

Voices soothed, becoming a hum and as they did Emma felt her toes finally sink in, hearing the chorus that flowed around her. Softly her mind connected to everything around her, feeling the warmth of her companions, the cool breeze across her face, the flutter of wings across the sky.

In her mind, she could swear she suddenly saw the small, green face of a tiny giggling boy hiding in the leaves of the tree to the right.

Se breathed out a sigh that turned to a sob.

Tears poured from her eyes and she didn't need to open them to know that the women had surrounded her, softly adding their energy as Virginia helped her release the agony she hadn't realized she was storing around her heart.

_"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking crazy?"_

_"I'm not just a bitch, Emma. I'm also evil."_

_"You're a grown woman, take responsibility for your own actions."_

_"What kind of spell have I been under when it comes to you?"_

_"Next time you need a scratching post use that."_

_"Why does it always come back to that with you?"_

All of the words, they hurt so badly. They cut like razors, shredding her insides. How had she lived with them in there for so long?

"It's isn't her Craft, baby." Ivy said as though she were pulling the words from her mind. "That isn't the problem. It's her self-control."

Emma nodded, listening with all of her heart.

"You have to support her, Emma. She doesn't know. She doesn't know she's taking from others. She doesn't know how things have changed, how _she_ has changed. It was a gift she was given when life formed inside of her. She doesn't even know how out of control she is."

Emma pulled herself up to her elbows, her eyes open and yet seeing perfectly. "How? How do I do that now?"

Ivy's deep green eyes were sad. "Do you want her in your life?"

"Yes," Emma said without pausing to think.

"Then you have to find a way."

She pulled herself the rest of the way up and sat, looking at all of them. "You told us before that locking it away was a bad idea and I didn't understand. I don't think I understand it now."

Ivy patted her hand in a way that could have felt condescending, and yet it didn’t. "It isn't the same for you and Regina. You're strong Emma, very powerful if you were ever to accept your strength. But it's different for Regina. She had a lot more to hide away than you do."

"Yeah, I know that."

"She's a lot more dependent than you."

"Yeah, I know that."

Ivy looked thoughtful, her hand playing absentmindedly through the blades grass. "Extremes are never healthy, Emma. They are never good."

"Meaning too much is bad but too little is bad too?"

"For _both_ of you."

The words tumbled through her mind, clouded with doubt.

"I hear your skepticism, young lady." Joan chided. "What is it that makes you so willing to turn away from who you are?"

Emma couldn't answer. She didn’t have an answer.

Virginia, it seemed, did. "You were not born to accept yourself." Virginia said with a sad sigh. "None of your foster parents raised you with pride."

Emma chuckled, darkly. "No, instead most tried to beat it out of me."

"Have you ever thought," Patty hedged, "that perhaps if you were willing to accept yourself, then it would come easier?"

"What, like it wouldn't make me sick?" She scowled, unsure of exactly how this had become about her.

Virginia shared some thought with Patty and they both nodded. "I've always wondered if your body rejects it because your mind rejects it. Come."

Emma stood and let Virginia grip her shoulders. "Try it. Relax and give yourself permission to _be who you are_."

Emma popped her neck and took a deep breath. All right. She wasn't really sure how to do that. Here goes nothing. She closed her eyes and did her best to do as she was told. When her mind was as empty as possible she lifted her hand and produced a ball of witchfire.

The nausea began in the pit of her stomach, growing and thickly churning until finally she had to drop and put her head between her knees, else be sick on the lawn.

"Breathe. Try again."

 

* * *

 

 

She wasn't sure if she was in better shape or not when she left Virginia and Ivy on the exact day the calendar had read, with long hugs and a promise to bring the kids soon.

She felt centered for the first time in a long while and that had to be good. She was refreshed. It was almost as though her mind had taken a firm step to the left while she was in their presence and now she was ready to do what had to be done and to do it quickly and efficiently so there would be as little pain for all as possible. Something had to be done and it had to take the kids and their well-being into consideration.

She didn't know if she had the strength to do the Craft that would be required now but she would try, despite the heated warnings that Virginia and Ivy had given her.

"Don't think for a moment, girl, that we would be helping you at all right now if there wasn't a larger purpose.” Ivy had scolded on their front porch before she left. “Your intentions are _childish_. Why do you have to see? Answer me that."

Emma had shrugged, feeling guilty and a bit tainted. "I don't know. I just know that I do. Wouldn't you?"

Ivy had caressed her face. "Stupid girl." She tsked, but said it with such love and affection that Emma had not been offended.

She _was_ being stupid. She already knew that.

Why did she need to see? She already knew. Ivy had confirmed it for her over and over again during her visit.

"You can never unsee some things." Ivy had insisted the day before as she, Virginia and Angela had carefully and lovingly removed her mental barrier. "If you do this then your road will be so much harder."

Emma didn’t think they were wrong.

 

When she entered the house she was instantly unnerved by the silence. It was Sunday and Emma had been willing to go see the crones because there had been nothing of importance planned for the weekend. The house should have been chaotic and loud. The boys should have had friends over, the chaos should have been pumping Bonnie up so much that she shrieked and screamed with glee.

Her stomach filled with dread. The twins had promised her nothing was wrong at home, but had they just not seen?

"Hello?" She called in a shaky voice.

Little feet came padding at a quick pace from the living room and Ollie threw himself at her, all but crawling up her legs.

"Hi!” She picked him up and kissed his face. "How are you? Did you miss me?"

He nodded and hugged her tightly.

“Where is everyone?”

"We're in here, Ma."

Emma's heart dropped, ice slashing through her veins. She didn't like the strain in Henry's voice one bit.

Ollie propped on her hip, she entered the living room and found Henry on the couch with a bundle of blankets next to him that had clearly been Oliver's spot. The TV across the room was on, playing a classic Disney movie with the sound on so low it was hardly distinguishable. The room smelled like they had been there for a while.

On the other side of the sectional, facing the doorway Regina was wrapped like a burrito in the thickest comforter they had, the one they saved for their bed for the deepest of winter. Mal sat next her and for once the woman did not look arrogant or smug, she looked worried, her eyes barely rising from Regina as Emma entered the room.

Emma couldn't see much of Regina's face. She was clearly asleep and even Emma could tell that was good. She was a cool grayish color, her face sweaty and obviously ill. She shook in the blanket as though the room were freezing.

"Henry?" Emma asked, afraid to know what the days she had spent outside of Boston had been like for them.

The twins had said everything would be fine and though she could already hear their insistence that obviously everything _was_ fine, this wasn’t what Emma had expected.

Henry jumped up quickly, shushing her, glanced toward Bonnie who was playing in her playpen and pushed her into the hallway.

"What happened?" Emma asked, setting Ollie down and patting him on the butt so that he would go back to the movie.

"Nothing." Henry shrugged. "Mom got real sick yesterday. I mean really freaking sick. She was puking and shaking all afternoon. I mean, _really_ sick, Mom. I found her on the stairs and well, I couldn't get her upstairs so uh, she's down here."

"She was on the stairs?"

"Yeah. It was...” her son looked all at once queasy and uncomfortable, “messy."

"Okay." Even Emma could hear the skepticism in her voice. "Mal?"

"She showed up last night saying she had made some type of mistake. She went straight to Mom like she knew she was sick. I dunno, maybe she texted her or something. I kinda think she gave her food poisoning or something because we haven't gotten sick. Ma, I _tried_ to get her to leave but she wouldn't. I'm kind of glad she didn't though. Mom threw up on herself last night and Mal was able to" he waved his fingers through the air, "and it was gone. Plus it was all over the stairs when I found her. Then she helped her shower. I don't think I would have gotten her on the couch without her." Emma couldn’t tell if he was begging his mother to forgive Mal or begrudgingly admitting that, though unwelcome, she had been helpful. She didn’t think that Henry knew either.

"Why did you ask her to leave?" He hadn’t been there when Emma had kicked Mal out. For all he knew Mal had decided to stay elsewhere.

"I uh," he grew awkward, "I don't know. I don't like her, Mom. I don't trust her."

She clapped him on the shoulder and then kissed his temple. "You have good instincts."

"She's getting better." He sighed. "Mom, I mean. She’s getting better. You'll see when she wakes up."

Emma nodded and looked around the house, surprised to see it was still clean for the most part. "It looks like you did a good job, kid. I’m proud of you. Good job."

He grinned.

"What did you do?" Emma asked the moment she reentered the living room. She knew the look that Regina was sporting, she had spent too much time on the street not to. She also knew Regina wouldn't have done it on her own. There wasn't a lot she felt certain of these days but she knew that.

Mal's eyes finally left Regina's face, almost seeming surprised to see Emma there. "Emma.” She rasped. “Back already? Did you _find yourself_ , sheriff?"

"Okay, Mal." Emma grinned a tight-lipped grin. "My son tells me he told you to get out and you didn't. So, get the fuck out."

Henry grinned a very smug teenage grin.

Mal was obviously annoyed, but much to Emma's surprise she got up, slowly, but still she rose to her feet. "That's fine. The worst is over now. She'll contact me when she's feeling better."

Emma’s jaw clenched but without a word Mal disappeared into her usual cloud.

"Nice one, Mom."

Emma, arms crossed over her chest and stomach tight, didn't respond.


	26. Chapter 26

**Emma**

* * *

Regina was fine, thank god for that. Emma was glad it was mostly over before she had arrived home. While she would have preferred her teenage son hadn’t been burdened with the task of taking care of her. She had decided to handle this quickly and like the adult that her age swore she should be by now, but she didn't really think her heart could handle taking care of her adulterous ' _flu-ridden_ ' wife.

"I don't know." Regina had shaken her head a day after Emma had returned home. "I think it was just one of those twenty-four-hour things."

Emma had just nodded and watching as Regina refused to make eye contact with her and then headed out the door for work, still shaky on her feet.

Once Regina was gone Emma practiced.

She kissed the boys and then waved them off to school. She kissed Bonnie, cleaned her messy breakfast covered face and then plopped her in front of the TV, something she rarely did.

She began in the living room. Instead of putting the pillows back into place by hand she flicked a finger and they tumbled back onto the couch. She fought back nausea and then moved on to the toys on the floor and the rest of the room before moving to the kitchen, the bedrooms and so on.

Finally, when she could feel her Craft pulsing a sick, glue-like rhythm through her, she put Bonnie in her stroller and started down the street.

She wanted to make an entrance. So she did.

If this were a few years ago and she was still the sheriff she would have kicked the mayor's door open. This time, she swished both hands and... the door went flying across the room.

"Fuck!" She stared with wide eyes. She hadn't meant to do that but poker face, poker face. She stepped through the door, the intimidating presence she was trying to create for herself diminished by the crying baby and the stroller.

She had expected Gold to be shocked - scared -something! But fuck, he just sat there, his fingers steepled, looking at the broken door with annoyance.

She couldn’t let herself focus on that. "I want the Working, Gold."

"That was my door you just ruined."

"Gold."

"Mrs -"

"Name your price, Gold."

He paused, clearly intrigued. For a moment, his eyes flicked down to Bonnie and Emma scoffed.

"Don't even think about it."

"It's not much of a deal if I cannot ask for what I want."

"Tough shit."

They stared one another down for a long time, Emma refusing to back down.

She wished she had something to seal the deal, some card she could play. But she was a civilian now. Any dirt she had on him would be too old to help her.

"Fine."

Her eyes popped wide. She really hadn't expected him to relent so easily. "Fine?"

"Yes. Fine. Somehow I relish the idea of Regina getting caught."

"Okay, and while that's all well and good and everything - what's your real price?"

He grinned. "Tell Regina that _she_ owes me a favor."

Emma almost chuckled. He was nasty all right. Regina would owe him a favor for getting caught. It was cruel. But then again, so was he.

She worried, as she always did when she spent any amount of time near him, if and when he would break Belle's heart. But that was her business, she supposed. They had all tried to talk her out of... anyway. She didn’t let her thoughts dwell there. They had all resigned to waiting and watching.

"'Kay, fine. Now what?"

He grinned a slimy and vulture-like grin. "I would ask if you were sure about this but - I don't really care. Regina will report to me the day after tomorrow."

"Okay," Emma said, the first hint of uncertainty running through her as his fingers gave a small flick through the air. They stared at one another for a long moment before he grew annoyed.

"I have turned the tracking option to _on_ in Regina's cell phone. She will not notice it."

Emma frowned. She had tried that. It had been the first thing she had tried, but her phone had simply told her that Regina's location was unavailable. She had assumed Regina had it spelled. She told him this and he simply looked all the more peevish.

"And now it _won't._ "

Agitated she pulled out her phone and looked into Regina's contact. Sure enough, after a moment of searching the little profile picture that Emma had for Regina showed her in her office building.

"How did you-"

"Ah, ah.” Gold twitched one finger at her. “Telling was not part of the deal."

"So, when you said you wouldn't help me because I wasn't using Craft-" She knew the polite thing to do would be to say thank you but annoyed, she simply walked out of the office that had once been her wife's.

Gold just gave a snake-like smile.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning she didn't get that Mission Impossible feeling that she had felt when first looking into this. Perhaps it was because her gut knew that today was the day. She hadn’t been sure she would find what she was looking for the last time. But today... She would have to do something now.

When Mary-Margaret showed up on the doorstep she hugged her best friend and smiled, but she too had a sad air to her.

"Yeah, I know." Emma hugged her back and then without another word stepped around her.

 

She was a little later than she had been on her first trips to this rooftop, but her phone still clearly read that Regina was inside. She settled behind the chimney, as always wondering if Regina would look out of her window and catch her.

She didn’t, just like always and Emma settled in.

She glanced into the window and had a moment of panic and frustration when she saw that Regina was not in her office.

After all of that, was she really about to discover that Regina just left her phone behind?

She could have breathed fire. She was about to tear something apart with her bare hands when Regina marched in, twitching and shaking as she always was this early.

Emma relaxed and checked her phone again.

What had he done? She had tried everything to get that working.

This fact annoyed her. He was right when he had said this was supposed to be her specialty.

She stretched out behind the chimney and watched her phone, feeling as though her skin were a few sizes too small. She needed to know. But, god, why did this have to be happening?

 

_Six Years Before_

 

_"She's going to hyperventilate. Seriously, she's going to fucking pass out. Is this really what she should be doing right now?" She looked up at the nurse but she was simply given a polite smile as the nurse continued on her way, nonplused. "Really.” She cried. “Is this normal? She's breathing so fast!"_

_"Emma!" Regina barked between fast breaths. "You've done this before. You tell meeeeaaaaahhhhh!"_

_Regina clamped down on her hand so tight that Emma squealed. She had never heard such loud and unladylike noises come from her wife. Regina was the type of woman who was either silent or made the most delicious girly sounds. She didn’t grunt or groan like this. She sounded like she was being gutted._

_"Regina! Regi- are you okay? You got this." She kissed Regina's sweaty temple and brushed her hair out of her face. "You can do this. Push her out. Push her out. You're so close."_

_Tears poured down Regina's pale face as she held her eyes, finding strength in their contact. "You didn't tell me it would hurt so much."_

_Emma laughed and kissed her salty lips. "You'll forget about it before our next one, I promise!"_

_"EMMA!"_

_"Erm, Emma..." The midwife gave her a sharp look. “Maybe this isn't the time for jokes. Regina, you need to be pushing."_

_"Sorry! I’m sorry! Push, baby. Push. You're doing such a good job!"_

_"Am I?" Regina begged, needing to hear it._

_"Yes. So good, baby, so good."_

_Regina eyes closed as another loud wail poured from her mouth._

_"Okay, Mommies, we're so close. Just a little bit more now."_

_"Okay. Oka-okay."_

_Wishing she could help, wishing she could take some of the pain she just held her wife's hands and watched as slowly something began to immerge._

_"And push again, hard, hard, hard!"_

_"Whoa! Baby! Oh, my god, you're – you're so good. You're doing so good. Holy shit. Okay. She's almost here."_

_Panic crashed over Emma. She had no face! Her baby had no face! "What the fuck is that? What's wrong?"_

_"Emma!" The midwife warned._

_Terrified she watched as the baby, their new daughter, slid into the midwife's hands. She should have been ecstatic but – "What is that? Is she okay? What the hell is that?"_

_"Emma!?" Regina cried, her face panicked. "Emma, what's wrong? What’s wrong with her?"_

_"Nothing, ladies, nothing. Look." The baby had slid out fully now, so tiny but there was a something over her. "She just is still partially in her sack."_

_"Caul? She's a caulbearer?" Regina cried, her voice shrill. Regina looked up and caught Emma’s eyes and Emma understood._

_"Oh now." The midwife laughed, "There is no need to worry about that old superstition." The midwife, with expert precision, snaked a finger through the membrane and carefully began to clean it from the baby’s face. "Oh! Surprise, surprise! We have a little boy!"_

_"A boy?" Emma had been so concerned with the…thingy on its face…that she hadn't even noticed. A boy! She laughed. Ivy had been sure the baby was a girl._

_"All right, Mommy. Go ahead and bring him up there."_

_And suddenly this tiny little thing was placed in her arms and the weight of it could have dropped Emma to her knees. The entire world shifted as she stared into the tiny face. "Regina." She whispered, carrying the tiny screaming thing over to her wife and depositing him onto her chest. "Look. He's here."_

_"Oh, my god. He's – oh Emma, he's so beautiful."_

_The midwife was quickly wiping him down but neither woman noticed._

_Their son. They had another little boy._

_Their hands intertwined and for a brief, blissful moment they kissed._

_He was a miracle. Regina was a miracle. She couldn't believe it._

_"You did it." Emma whispered in her wife's ear. "You did it, my love." She kissed her again. "Thank you."_

 

Suddenly her phone screen shifted, pulling Emma back from her thoughts. The little dot that was supposed to be Regina suddenly showed that she had moved to a new location.

Queasy, she glanced back over her shoulder at Regina's office window to see that it was indeed now empty.

It was empty. She let that thought sink in slowly.

Okay.

It was time.

She climbed from the roof slowly and once she was down she took a second to take a few deep breaths.

She felt numb on the inside, cold and unattached.

She got in the car on autopilot and began to drive toward the toll bridge which would take her into the forest.

 

Somehow... instead, she found herself at Granny's.

She was stalling.

She drank a cup of coffee slowly and warred with herself.

No one supported her in this idea. No one thought this was a good plan.

Maybe everyone was right. Maybe she didn't need to see. _Why_ did she need to see?

She could get in the car and go home.

She didn’t need to see.

But the thought wouldn’t settle in her mind. She did.

She needed to see what was so different. She needed to see what it was that drew Regina to Mal so completely. She had to know what made Mal so fucking great that Regina would...do this... to her, to the kids, to their life...

She had to know.

She raised her hand for her check and instead ordered a slice of pie.

She had to know.

But she wasn't ready yet.

 

After a long time, she tossed a few bills on the table and then got back into her car.

Her hands shook as she followed her phone's robotic voice to the coordinates she had received for Regina's location.

It really was in the middle of the forest and it took her a while to get out there following roads that looked to be more like pathways than anything meant for a car.

She began to worry. She didn't know if it was anything particular she worried about, but the feeling of general worry was building, making her heartbeat quicken and her palms sweat. Tears pricked at her eyes; a fact that confused her because, why was she crying?

She turned around a sharp bend and realized it was because she _didn’t_ want to see.

But she had to see.

She parked a long way off when she arrived, so far that she could barely see the stone home.

The cabin was not huge. It couldn't have been more than one room but it was cute. Emma hated its cuteness. Its cuteness hinted at care.

She walked up to it slowly, only to get to the last tree in the clearing before she realized... now what?

She didn't need to see to know what was happening. She could hear twin moans and snarls pouring from the cabin.

The sounds were so bestial that she wondered if perhaps what she was actually hearing was a pair of animals mating nearby. Those sounds couldn't be coming from a human throat, could they? From her _wife_?

She stared at the dark wood door in horror.

Did she burst the door open? Did she call Regina and force her to come out? Perhaps she should politely knock on the door and call, "UPS, I have an amazon package for you."

She shook her head. Not funny. Right now was not the time to make jokes. She slipped through the trees, all but invisible until she found a side window she could glance into.

She sat in the dirt below it and wondered for the last time if this was the right thing to do. She had been warned by Ivy. Since when did she not heed Ivy's warnings? Her head was pounding, her stomach felt sick and the confusion that had been plaguing her since this all began seemed to grow tenfold every second.

She knew she would never forget whatever picture she would see paired with those noises - she _knew_ that. Was this wise? Could she forgive Regina after seeing this? Did she want to?

_It will make your road harder…._

She turned and peeked through the glass, cautiously and then, jaw-dropping, leaned up further, no longer worried about getting caught.

The women were very busy.

Her hand on the window seal dug into the wood, her eyes burned.

It took her a moment to gain control of the hurt, betrayal, and hate that flashed through her, hot and nasty.

That was her wife alright. The woman she had watched walk down the aisle. The woman who had given her two beautiful children. The woman she had moved to Storybrooke for. The woman she had loved for ten years.

She stared.

The mother of her children was naked and on her back. One end of the thick rope she was bound by was tied around her wrists and hands, forcing them to point to the bottom corners of the bed where the other end was tied tightly. Secondary ropes wrapped tightly around her calves and up to her knees which were secured to each top corner of the bed. Her head, the only part of her that could move was thrown back, her hair a wild tangle around her as she screamed the most terrifying, inhuman keens and wails that Emma had ever heard.

Mal was between her forcibly spread legs, her tattooed and pierced frame naked except for the harness. Each time it was retracted form her wife the deep glow was evident.

So. That's where she learned that trick. The thought felt alien in her mind and floated through without much notice.

The thing that really caught Emma's eyes, however, was their faces.

Regina's eyes glowed. This didn't surprise Emma, though, how bright they were gave her pause. Her lips were pulled back, her teeth exposed and looking sharp like they would take off anything that came near them, her eyes were half lidded as her chest rose and fell in harsh pants. She didn't even look like she was actually there. She didn't even look fully conscious. For the briefest moment Emma's head screamed _rape_ , this was _rape_ , but the sounds she was making proved otherwise.

Mal's face looked just as furious. She stared down at Regina, grunting with each thrust, her fingers carefully, expertly tweaking Regina's nipples as she moved as though Regina were there with her, was aware.

Emma learned something then.

Mal was in love with her wife. Maybe not in the same way that Emma was in love with her but there was love there.

Her head told her that it was one sided but her heart - it didn't know.

She watched them move together, listening to their sounds and waited to feel - what was she supposed to feel? It was like her receptors had broken. She just stared in horror as Mal's ass pumped, unable to look away even though she wanted to very much.

"Come on, you fucking bitch!" She heard Mal growl and then watched, eyes wide as plates, as Mal leaned down and bit into Regina's skin, drawing blood. Emma could see the blood from there.

Regina shrieked in a mix of pain and ecstasy.

Mal bit her neck like a rutting animal keeping its partner in place and began to moan faster, louder.

Emma's face began to contort, her lips pulling down hard in the corners. Tears had begun to fall again, dripping from the tip of her nose and chin. It was disgusting. But worse, she could feel their climaxes coming and she didn’t think she wanted to be a part of it in this way.

Still she didn’t move.

Mal's eyes closed, her teeth grit and she shoved into Regina harder, swearing at her, calling her names.

Repulsed, Emma began to lean away as she heard the angry snarls from Regina turn into high wails. Then she watched, hurt and betrayed as her wife came, loud and furiously, her eyes closed and her body shaking. Mal came swiftly after that and Emma sat with a thump in the dirt.

Well. She had seen.

Now she knew what was different.

She thought of the blood from Regina’s skin on Mal's lips.

There had been a time they had been like that - kind of. Passionate, that is, not violent, not blood drawing. Regina had always shied away from it, saying that it had been her thing in the past but it wasn't her thing anymore. Guess that wasn't true.

She heard Mal talking to Regina, talking as though she didn't expect an answer. Then the loud moaning began again. Emma glanced and looked away quickly. Regina was still tied, only this time, she had been flipped so she was lying on her knees and her face.

She didn't want to see anymore.

Instead, she listened, each groan feeling like the strike of a lash across the back of her marriage, her family, her life - herself.

Jealousy was a nasty and vile feeling and it rose green and viscous in her now. A strange sense of possession filled her and she wanted to run in there. She wanted to hurt Mal and then throw her barely conscious wife over her shoulder. She wanted to shake her back to who she had always been.

She rose, not bothering to hide in the bushes as she had done on the way to the window.

No one would see her.

She began to speed walk away from the cabin, unable to listen to anymore and when that wasn’t enough she broke into a run.

She was feeling so many things but none of them were what she would have expected and she had no idea how to handle them.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Regina**

She had bite marks that were bleeding or scabbed over on three parts of her body. She had rope burns on her wrists and the backs of her knees and calves. Stiffly, haltingly, she took another step and found that the pain between her legs was critical. She checked and yes, she was bleeding there too.

"Jesus, fuck Mal. What the fuck did we do? Why am I bleeding?" She had taken perhaps a bit too much from Mal that morning - or maybe her body was simply still working out the harder substance she hadn't meant to take when Emma was gone. Either way, it had all become too much for Regina and after their usual early afternoon activities, Regina had passed into a sleep like death, resulting in a slightly _too_ clear head. She didn't want her head to be this clear. Whenever it was this clear these days she felt... terrible. And now... this pain. There was so much pain. She wanted a shower and to climb into her own bed.

Mal laughed, her eyes flashing. "A little bit of rope play. That's all."

She felt like she had been beaten. Had she been beaten?

"You know I'm not a fucking puppet, Mal. You can't just shove anything inside of me."

"I didn't hear you complaining earlier. Actually, I'm surprised the town sheriff didn't come running from all of the – non-complaints you were making."

Pain stabbed Regina in the gut and this time, it was not a sex-related injury. " _Don't_ talk about Emma, Mal."

Mal's eyelashes fluttered innocently. "Who said anything about Emma? I thought the sheriff was that doe-eyed brunette man."

Regina eyed Mal, pulling her clothes on. She couldn't stand the fucking sight of her.

"What? I said nothing about Emma. Not my fault that you're so sensitive."

Regina sneered. " _Fuck you_ , Mal."

She gathered her purse and Mal sat up straighter. "You're going back to work already? It's early!"

"Yes. I fucking hate you. I can't fucking stand the sight of you."

Mal chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, I know. You tell me all of the time."

It annoyed Regina that Mal didn't take her seriously because - she did. She hated her. Especially when she was this low on her own and anyone else's essence. Not that anyone would be able to prove her hatred from her actions, of course. She hated her but she was still doing… _this_.

Maybe it's time to stop, a small voice in her mind said and god, she wanted to listen to that voice.

"Would you like some for the road?" Mal asked sweetly.

Regina paused. How could she stop? She – she needed that. She couldn't take Magic herself so… but the thought of her inside of her made her ill. She would regret it but, "No. I don't."

She disappeared and reappeared back at her office.

 

* * *

 

 

She was in a fury of a mood when she arrived home a few hours later. The healing she had to do for herself had taken so long to complete that Regina had gotten little to no work done. She needed to be more careful. She and Mal had always been a little rough but they were reaching whole new and frankly startling levels of brutality. If she wasn't careful they were going to kill one another.

She plopped her purse down by the door, grateful that Mal was nowhere within the walls and then paused. Something wasn't right.

The house was too quiet.

There was no toddler screaming or laughing. The boys were not bickering. The whole place was silent. Where was everyone?

Unnerved she slowly walked up the stairs calling, "Hello?"

The boys' rooms were empty.

Were they, perhaps, at Granny’s? Was this their usual Granny’s night? She wasn’t sure.

She slowly opened her bedroom door, expecting it to be empty and was surprised to find Emma sitting on the bed. "Oh, hey." She smiled quickly, her nerves still picking up on something she was uncertain about. "Where are the children?"

"Over at Mary-Margaret's."

"Oh? Why?"

Emma shrugged. "How was work?"

Regina studied her, her heart already beginning to beat hard as she worried. Wild and paranoid thoughts crept into the back of her mind as they always did these days whenever Emma seemed upset. She took off her shoes and began to undress for a shower, casting nervous glances at her wife. "It was fine." She began to talk because talking felt better than the silence that was coming from Emma. She told her all about a client that they had a few days before, trying not to look at Emma.

She couldn't breathe. Why couldn't she breathe?

"Regina." Emma finally interrupted her ramble and Regina was almost grateful for that.

"Hmm?" She turned quickly, her breath fast, her head swimming.

"Can you just shut the fuck up for a minute and come here?"

Shock rocked through her. Emma had never spoken to her like that.

“Emma!”

Emma’s face didn’t change.

She mechanically walked to the edge of the bed and then sat when Emma patted the space beside her.

She took a long look at Emma and she knew she was caught. Emma's strange green eyes swirled with something Regina didn't recognize.

Her eyes filled with tears and began to spill down her cheeks.

Oh god, caught.

She was caught.

She was _caught_!

But then Emma took her face in her hands and, despite her watery tears, very softly kissed her.

Regina kissed her back, not really sure what was happening. She pulled away first, confused.

Emma didn't let her go. She leaned forward, following Regina's movement trying to deepen the kiss.

"Em..."

"MmMmm," Emma grunted, her tongue swiping Regina's lip.

Regina felt her mouth open by habit while she still tried to pull away.

"Emma, what's-" It didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Emma didn’t feel right.

Emma shushed her, climbing on top of her.

"Emma! Stop it, what's wrong?"

Emma didn't answer. Instead, she ripped open the front of Regina's blouse, spraying buttons all over the room.

Regina cried out, her hands pressing against Emma's shoulders while her tongue fought greedily with Emma's, her skin rising in heat and sensitivity as it always did at the nearest stimulation these days.

Maybe she wasn't caught. Maybe Emma was just - very turned on.

The rags of her shirt were gone and then her bra was gone as well. Emma cupped a breast in each hand and gave one after the other a hard pull with her lips.

"Emma, fuck!" Regina hissed, still sore from that day. She reached under Emma's shirt, but Emma's hands grasped her wrist, squeezing to the point of pain and shoved them away. "Emma, I don't -"

Emma kissed her again, her lips bruising Regina's. She cried out, but Emma ignored her.

Her pants were removed, leaving long scratches down the sides of her legs and without ceremony Emma plunged into her.

Regina let out a cry of pain, but she was frightened of what this meant so she let her arms and legs wrap around her wife.

Emma began to move, using her whole body to thrust into Regina, grunting with the effort.

Wait.

Was Emma crying?

She pushed at Emma, trying to push her off, but she was so drained and Emma wouldn't budge. "Emma, what's wrong? What happened?"

Emma's face buried in her neck and Regina wrapped her arms around it, moaning as Emma flexed and moved.

Her stomach churned as she moved with her wife.

She felt light kisses peppered across her breast, her chest her throat, her face, leaving small water stains behind.

"Em..." she was feeling herself begin to build. Emma moved harder, faster and she climbed all the easier toward her orgasm.

Then she realized Emma was muttering something.

It took her a moment or two for her to recognize the words, holding herself off, refusing to slip over the edge yet.

Emma's breath was fast and cracked as though - as though she _were_ crying as she muttered so low that it had to be unconscious. "Are you? Are you still mine? Tell me you're mine."

Regina let out a wail of despair, tears instantly exploding from her. Her arms locked on Emma as she began to curl her fingers as she thrust in just the right way that right now felt so wrong. She wailed again and clutched Emma harder, wrapping herself tightly around her, suddenly afraid if she let her go that she would be gone. Finally, her orgasm fell over them, coming with another cry of sorrow, pain wracking her.

As soon as she was done Emma pulled out of her arms, her face in her hands sobbing.

"Emma."

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out, Regina, _GET OUT_!"

"No!" She stood, her mind panicked, thoughts unable to form as she watched Emma's dark face glare into hers.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Were you two just laughing at me?"

"No, no, Emma!" She wanted to reach for her, she wanted to feel her in her arms. She was scared. Her whole body shook. She wanted to hold her and never let her go. She suddenly felt so alone and so afraid. "Emma, I'm so sorry!" She dropped to her knees. "Please, Emma, I'm so-"

"I saw- I saw you today!"

"Emma.” Regina gasped, trying to remember what had happened, trying to know what it was that Emma had seen.

"Do you love her more than me?" Emma dropped to the floor in front of her but pushed Regina's reaching hands away.

"No! I promise. I never meant-"

"Is it your Craft?"

She stumbled. "I don't know! I don't know - it's just - it's Mal!" How could she explain something she didn't understand herself? "There's this pull! I didn't want it I just - so many years! And she made me feel - and then the witchfire -"

"So then why aren't you with her if there is this all-consuming?" Emma's face was hard and it hurt Regina, it tore at her soul.

"Because that's not what we ever were.” She was talking too fast, not even sure that Emma could understand her high shrill words. “We don't love one another like I love you. Emma, please."

"No!" Emma wailed when she reached for her again. "No! I _saw_ you today. I _saw_ you tied up like a fucking pig! I saw her fucking the shit out of you. I fucking watched you come. How am I supposed to look at you now?"

Regina was sobbing. She had nothing to say. She had nothing to say because she didn't remember. Is that what they had done?

"The fucking vampire all but drank your fucking blood, Regina. And _you_ , you were barely fucking conscious. You couldn't even open your eyes fully! But those sounds you were making -"

"Emma, I'm so-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT!"

"Then what do you want?" She begged. "Please tell me. What can I do? Please, Emma!"

Emma stared at her. She stood and straightened her clothes. "I have to go pick up the kids. Don't-" Emma's face broke and she sobbed, "don't be here when I get back."

"Emma, you can't just kick me out. We're married."

"Regina... if you love or respect me at all. You will go. Please."

She watched Emma walk out of the room, a rip of pain causing her to sob harder.

She couldn't think. All she could feel was pain. And stupidity. She was so stupid.

She wanted to fight but - Emma had asked her nicely.

She did love her. She loved her more than anything in the world. And she deserved this. Emma deserved to be listened to.

"Oh god!" She cried, clutching her gut. She collapsed to the floor.

She couldn't think. Couldn't move.

But she got up and she did what Emma asked.

She left.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Part Two** _

* * *

_"Every coin has two sides, Regina my dear. It is true of all of us. The question, my love, is who do we want to be."_

_\- Virginia Culver_

* * *

**Emma**

* * *

“What do you fucking mean she moved out? I don't fucking understand. She can't just move out!" Henry kicked his box spring again, his irate face red and splotchy. "Why didn't you tell us?" His voice cracked into a higher pitch and for once, he didn’t seem to care.

It had taken her four full days to tell her boys about Regina's departure. Of course, they had noticed her absence, but much to Emma's relief and deep depression, it had taken them longer than it should have. Business trips were not uncommon for Regina so she had hoped they simply assumed she had left while they were asleep or - something. She didn’t know. But they hadn’t asked.

"Where is she?" He demanded with a stomp of his foot.

"Henry."

"Where _is_ she? With Mal? At the office? Where is she staying? She has to be staying somewhere!"

"I think she's at Granny's, kid... or... I don't know." She sighed in defeat.

"You think? You don't know? How can you not know?"

"No, Henry, I don't know. I wasn't here when she packed her bag so I didn't ask."

The idea of Regina packing a bag seemed to startle Ollie. His eyes grew wide and confused as he looked toward his ranting brother for further explanation.

"Mom left us!" He bit at his younger brother. "She walked out like Walter's dad!"

"What? Nooo!" Oliver wailed at the same time that Emma chided her eldest son for his brash words.

This is why it had taken her so long to tell them. Or at least that was what she wanted to tell herself. She had wanted to spare them this pain. She hadn't been sure that she wanted Regina gone, not for a little while anyway.

Though a large part of her wondered if maybe she had just been a coward and too afraid to tell her children that their other mother had absolutely _disappeared_.

Yet again her mind growled at her. Shouldn't Regina be the one doing this fucking shit? Where was she? Clearly she hadn't been able to pull herself away from Mal's magic pussy long enough to show up here and talk to her kids. Then again, she hadn't been able to get Regina to do a lot of things lately, especially when it came to the kids.

Her lovely wife, ladies and gentlemen. Let's give her a round of applause!

Emma had always known how to pick them, hadn't she? It was clear to her, if to no one else that she had made the right choice in kicking Regina out. Yes, her stomach was a bubbling, churning mess of acidic knots and she was going to report her as a missing person soon, but she wasn't surprised that Regina had dropped off the face of the earth.

"Don't you even fucking care?" Henry bellowed.

"Hey!" Emma snapped a lot louder than she had meant to, making Ollie jump. "Curb the language. You're pushing it. One more time and you're grounded."

"I'm sixteen." He scowled as though that was far too lofty of an age to be something as juvenile as a grounded.

"Exactly.” Emma scoffed. “You're sixteen, not twenty-five. I understand you're pissed but knock it off."

"What, you can say pissed but I can't say fuck?"

Emma glared her worst mom glare and Henry shrank a bit.

"I don't get it." Ollie finally said, looking between his mother and his brother. "What do you mean like Walter's dad? Is Mommy in Vegas living with a hooker now?"

Emma made a mental note to ask Walter's mother to watch what she was saying in front of her son.

"No stupid, they're getting a divorce."

Ollie's eyes popped wide in alarm. Every kind these days knew _that_ word.

"Henry, don't call your brother stupid and we don't _know_ if we are getting a divorce yet, guys. I know that sucks but this kind of choice takes time. She and I need to talk and see. I'm sure she will be back soon and we can all talk then."

"So where is she then? If you need to talk, then why aren't you talking? If you need to talk, then she should be here!"

She decided that maybe it was best if they end the conversation here before the only response she could give her furious son was 'I don't know'. She thought that might drive him insane and, frankly, she wouldn't blame him.

She softly cupped Oliver's cheek, trying to sooth his quivering lip. "Look guys, whatever happens it will be alright. We will always be a family whether Mom and I are together or not."

Oliver tried to smile but his confusion was too thick.

Henry just kicked his bed again but this time with a little less force. "Bullshit."

"All right kid, one week. School and home. That's it."

"Wha-"

"I warned you!"

"That's crap!"

She stared at him for a long while, surprised when he just glared back at her.

He was upset. Maybe it wasn't fair to punish him right now, but - ugh, she didn't know.

There had been a time that she had indeed signed up to be a single parent, but she had never signed up to be a single parent of three. How was she going to do this?

For the hundredth time, she felt an overpowering wish that none of this had happened, that she could go back in time and make this right.

She didn’t let Henry see this insecurity though, even though it was taking all the strength she could muster. She just stared right back, immovable.

Henry's eyes began to shift nervously under her stare, but the boy refused to back down on this subject.

He had pretty much only known life with Regina, she understood that. They had met when he was six years old. Regina has _always_ been his mother. As a matter of fact, the two had always shared a special bond because of it, close in a way that was only for them. She wondered how much of his hurt was about the fact that Regina hadn't told him any of this herself.

"Why, Mom? Tell me why. Tell me what could have happened that would mean she has to lose her entire family? How is that ever fair?"

She felt a brush of mild surprise. Hadn't _he_ been the one suspicious of Regina and Maleficent first? Hadn't he tried to hint that perhaps Regina was doing something she shouldn't? Then again, at sixteen she supposed it wasn't surprising that he had forgotten that. He had probably worried about it but never actually believed it could be true. He was in many ways still a young boy after all and he loved his mother. "Henry, she's not losing her family."

"Did you kick her out? Huh? Did you kick her out or did she leave?"

Emma bit back the anger and the pain. She knew he was a teenager so she couldn't ask him to remember that she had just lost her wife – her partner of _ten_ years - no matter who had made the call. She was in...well…there was so much pain.

Because, after all, Regina _wasn't_ losing her family. She really wasn't. She had thrown her family out for a few cheap orgasms. She wanted to scream at Henry that this wasn't _her_ fault, it was Regina's. Instead she said, "I told you, we will always be a family. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't right now, Henry."

His face turned purple with unshed tears. "I want to see her."

"Henr-"

"No! You can't keep me from her! She's my mom! You can't!"

Emma was developing a very unpleasant pain in her stomach. She pushed her fingers against it, hard, trying to knead out the stabbing ache. "Henry, I don't know where she is. Even if I did, I think we need to give her some space for a while." There was no way she would let Henry walk in on the bondage - thing - she had seen a few days before.

"UGH, GET OUT!" His voice cracked as he screamed, rushing at her. This time the crack in his voice wasn't funny at all. "GET OUT! _LEAVE ME ALONE_!"

He didn't touch her, but his intense hatred stung Emma, burning her like a hand clasped to her throat. She rushed out of the room, pulling Ollie with her.

She turned, trying to find something to say and the door slammed in her face, a breath from her nose. Without her permission a hiccupping sob popped from her lips.

She closed her eyes, fighting back the bile that had lived in her throat for days now and tried to calm herself.

Normally this was when Regina would swoop in, the other half of the parenting team, and she would make it better. She had always been so good at that in the past.

She hated how much she missed her, had missed her for weeks... maybe even months or years.

She had spent every night crying since Regina had so willingly gone. It was part of her new routine.

Every night she tucked the kids in with a smile and a kiss, trying to pretend that things were normal when they just weren’t.

She went through the house to be sure everything was in order and ready for the following day, as usual.

She readied herself for bed, just like she always had.

But then she would break routine. She spent a while staring at the place where she and Regina had slept for years. She would look at the sheets they had chosen together, at the pillows where each of their heads had gone, at the space between them where their sick or afraid kids had slept.

She would make up her mind that no, she absolutely wouldn't. She would grab her pillow, only to realize every night that it smelled too much of Regina to use having spent its entire life right beside her.

Then she would walk into the first guest bedroom and promptly remember that was where Mal had stayed.

She would then walk to the second guest bedroom and sink into the bed where, alone and under the covers she would sob until her face, her head, and her heart hurt so much that her choices were to break apart or surrender to sleep.

She swallowed back another sob now, her face a breath from Henry's door.

She couldn’t blame him. Her heart had been broken too.

She took a calming breath and then another, the air shaky in her lungs. When she was in control, for the most part, she turned and dropped down to one knee. She had kept back her tears, but Ollie hadn't and after that, she wasn’t surprised.

"Hey, sweetie," she cooed and pulled Oliver into a hug. She could feel his little body shaking in her arms and it only made her sore heart hurt worse. "This is not like Walter's daddy, okay? I know you don't necessarily understand right now but that's okay. All right? Don’t worry about that. We'll keep talking about it, okay?"

He nodded and rubbed his snotty nose on her shirt. It almost made her laugh.

"Oooh, thank you for that, sweet pea.” He just blinked his overly large eyes up at her, unaware. “All right. Do you want to watch some cartoons? Yeah? Come on. Let's watch something."

She led her small son downstairs and bundled him into the corner of the couch under all the blankets she could find. Then she clicked on the TV and sat beside him, watching the bright colors move and counting down the minutes until that night when she would be alone again and she could let the stranglehold of tears go.


	29. Chapter 29

**Regina**

**Four Days Before**

* * *

 

How had she let this happen? No. More accurately, how had she _made_ this happen? She had _made_ this happen. This was no one's fault but her own.

She was so confused about how she had gotten here. She had been confused for the entirety of the night before as she paced, all of that morning and she was still confused despite the fact that the afternoon was growing late. Sometimes it seemed like she had done it all by accident, kind of like the witchfire that had brought her Craft back. There had been no intent. Other times Regina saw that for the excuse it was because... she knew she had made a choice. Perhaps there had been a time when she made less of a firm decision than others but it has all been her - her fuck up - no one else's.

She turned on her heels and paced back the opposite direction.

Again the ridiculous wallpaper Eugenia had chosen caught her eye and she sneered, making a few mental comments about Eugenia's tastes and need to modernize. Just because they were in Maine did not mean this sailor décor was acceptable for a reputable establishment.

It made her feel a little better to have something to sneer at as she tried to shake the tremors from her unsteady traitorous hands.

She had been kicked out. How the fuck had she let herself become the kind of woman who gets _kicked _out__ of her family? Was this really going to be her life now? Was she going to be one of those women?

What had Emma said to the boys to explain her absence? She had to imagine it was colorful. Would Bonnie even know she was gone? Could you explain to a child that young that their mother had been kicked out of the house thanks to her own actions? What would Emma say?

Those thoughts were brimming on the rim of accusation and so she pushed them away instantly.

Emma wasn't the villain here. She was. She had been kicked out. She was the dirty cheater. She was the one who broke the family. She broke their trust.

How had she let this happen? Why had she done any of it? What was wrong with her? She had to make it right. Could she make it right?

She vigorously rubbed her face and checked her watch. Three minutes. Yes! It had been another three minutes. She had gotten through another three minutes.

Outside of her room and down the hall she heard Ruby knocking on doors and offering a cleanup service. She scowled. That bitch better not knock on her door. She had been able to control herself once. She wasn't sure she could do it twice.

She had _seen_ that god damn look of pride on Emma's behalf on that leggy sluts face when Regina had informed her that she needed a room. It was bullshit that the _waitress_ could understand why she needed a room in the first place. It was bullshit that the _girl_ could judge her and even more so that she could find herself above Regina in any situation.

Mal, why do you have to put your clit in _everyone's_ mouth? Why?

She heard the footfalls pause outside of her door and swallowed hard, fighting back the desire to rip her - or anyone really - in half.

Whether Ruby somehow could sense the danger she was in or if she had just decided that Regina didn't deserve a clean room, Regina didn't know. But after pausing for a moment, she heard a distinct scoff, a mutter and Ruby turned away.

Regina took a twitchy step in the direction of the door, reaching to rip her heart out and eat it but stopped herself with a jolt of surprise at herself.

 _This_ was who she didn't want to be anymore. _How_ had she gotten back here?

She took a long shuddering breath and closed her eyes.

She checked her watch. Fuck. This time, she hadn't made it a full three minutes without checking.

Her skin hurt. Her eyes felt like hard, dried lumps of coal. Her head was throbbing and she was fairly sure that if she didn't do something soon she would be sick.

Wasn't it enough that she was struggling over the loss of her family? Did she _have_ to feel this as well?

Why hadn't she taken from Mal before she left? Why had she let herself sleep the afternoon before?

God, what was _wrong_ with her?

She pictured Emma's face again and let out a gut wrenching but dry sob. She had cried herself out last night. There were no more tears left in her body. Not that she had stopped crying, not really. But her body had officially run out of reserves and she was running on empty. Another dry sob ripped from her sore throat, burning like a brush fire.

Perhaps a drink of water, but that wouldn’t stop the pain.

Distracted, she hadn’t heard the whomever it was approaching her door until two slow knocks came from the door. Regina sneered, her lips pulling back over her teeth. Ruby had _come back!_ Fury took over and a ball of witchfire popped into life as she tried to fight back the urge to _hurt_ Ruby.

She was going to burn the judgmental bitch down. Despite what Ruby thought, she did _not_ know what was happening in their life.

She threw open the door and was surprised out of her black rage.

Mal looked like a drowned rat. Her dress hung limp and wet, her hair, which was filled with twigs and leaves, hung and dripped a steady stream onto the carpet. Her makeup ran down her face in black rivers as she glared through muddy lashes at Regina. Her face, arms, and legs cut up and bleeding. She looked like shit yet Regina still had to fight _hard_ not to attack, not for sex, but for the essence that would heighten her own, combining until Regina could float away. The shakes would stop. The churning would stop. The nausea would stop. The pain would stop.

And if she took enough the _pain_ , the mental pain would stop too.

"What the fuck happened to you?" She asked, turning away from the door.

"Did you know, my dear Regina, that Emma is using Craft again?"

"What?" She paused for a moment.

"When you _did not_ show up today I went looking for you."

"And?" Regina snapped, resuming her pacing, biting hard at her thumbnail and trying not to scream. Relief was right there. _Right there_. All she had to do was reach out and take it. It was torture. But her mind hadn't stopped repeating Emma's words, _"How am I supposed to look at you now? How am I supposed to look at you now? How am I supposed to look at you now?"_

Oh, Emma.

Inside of her head, she screamed another 'FUUUUUUUCCCK', which ripped at her insides making her taste blood.

Oh. No. Wait. She had bit through the skin of her thumb. Shit. She shook it hard, trying to steady herself even though that was impossible.

"And." Mal drawled, slowly, slowly enough that it made Regina want to throttle her. "The _Girl Scout_ threw me - from your porch - into the _fucking_ bay."

Regina stopped pacing and stared in disbelief. _Emma_ had done that? "That's a good half mile."

"No. It's a very _bad_ , very painful half mile." Mal wiped at one of the larger cuts on her cheek. "I hit a few trees on my way."

"Uh..."

"So. Is there anything you want to tell me? Because it kind seems like there might be." Mal pushed past her without asking and Regina let out another dry sob as her scent filled her nose for just a moment. She didn't want her here. If she stayed here then Regina would give in. Because she was weak... and pathetic.

God, she wanted to just give in. Was a _family_ really so important? She could give in and run away with Mal, living as she had done for months now – in a haze.

"Mal." She tried but Mal was busy pulling off her ruined clothes and stepping into the shower as though this were her room as well.

_Presumptuous bitch._

"I'm fucking cold, Regina, and my hair never turns out right unless I do it by hand. Fucking bitch, it's like she knew water is the one thing - ugh, whatever. When I get out. Storytime."

Regina slowly lowered herself onto the bed and watched Mal shower through the open bathroom door, fighting every moment not to lunge in there and take what she so desperately wanted and needed.

Family _was_ important.

She hated herself.

How could this still be a problem?

She was _losing her family_!

She was no longer _welcome in own home_.

What else did she have to lose once those two things were gone?

She let herself fall over, smashing her face into the comforter.

She was not going to get up and join Mal in the shower. Ugh, god, she didn't even want to. She just wanted...

She fought the entire time Mal showered.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Mal asked when she stepped from the bathroom what felt like forever later.

Regina glanced at her naked body and scowled, revolted and yet hungry.

She didn't want it.

She didn't want the sex.

She didn't want the essence.

But oh god, yes she did. Not the body, no. She hadn't really wanted that since the first or second time. But the _essence_...

"Nothing."

Mal dropped her towel and gracelessly straddled Regina's lap.

Regina leaned away, eyes closed and whimpering.

"So correct me if I'm wrong but a room at Granny's - Emma throwing me into the bay - this means you're free now, aren't you?"

Regina made a noncommittal sound and with hands that barely followed directions, pushed her from her lap so she could continue her pacing.

"Regina?"

"Emma kicked me out. I guess somehow she saw us."

Mal laughed, giddy and gleeful. "I bet she learned a thing or two. This, my dear, is amazing." She tried to pull Regina to her but Regina jerked away.

"Regina. You're shaking like a leaf. Oh god, that's so stupid of me. Of course, here let me -" the small pill purse popped into her hand.

"NO, I DON'T WANT IT!" She had meant to say that nicely but instead it had come out sounding like a scream as she ripped away from her.

Mal's eyebrows rose in surprise and just a touch of amusement. "Oh?"

Regina pinched her eyes closed.

_"How can I look at you now?"_

Her family. How was she supposed to survive without her family?

How was she supposed to survive this feeling?

She didn't want to be this person. She could feel _that_ person, _that_ version of herself in the back of her mind, cackling over all the wrongs that have been caused and she hated her. How had she ever been that?

She was acting like - like her mother. Selfish. Self-serving.

 _Oh god._ _That thought sent shivers of nausea down her spine._

_That was something she had never wanted to be._

She had to make it right.

Mal rose and wrapped her arms around her. Despite the distaste, Regina sank into the embrace. She hadn't realized she was so cold.

"You're free now, Regina. We don't have to hide anymore. Think of all the fun we'll have. Come on, let me help you get over the shakes. Oh, we should invite the little waitress in. She's wild. I didn't think you would want to before but now I think-"

"No, Mal." Regina shoved her away. "No. Just... no. Get dressed. No."

"All right, we can keep it between us."

"No!"

“What do you-"

Regina's pacing was fast now. "Mal. I need you to go."

"All right." Mal said in her husky, alluring voice. "We can meet tomorrow. Perhaps bre-"

"No, Mal, I need you to go home."

"Christ, Regina.” Mal stood, her face pinched. “I said I'm going. Speaking of home, I need your assistance. I want to expand on that little - cabin in the woods." Mal's eyebrows waggled with a taunting grin. "Perhaps after breakf-"

" _No, Mal_." Regina closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn't say this more than once. She spent a moment praying to every pantheon she knew for the strength not to give in, the strength to make it through this.

For her family. She needed to do this for her family. She couldn't - do what needed to be done with Mal around.

"I don't mean the cabin. New York, Mal. I mean, you need to go home to New York. To your life."

The look on Mal's face was equal to anyone who had just been soundly slapped. "What?"

She gathered all of her energy and stood as strong as she could. "Mal, you have to go. I don't know what I was doing. I've been _kicked_ out, Mal. Okay? My wife and my children are over there and I am here - in this flea infested hole of an inn."

Something that looked like insanity crossed Mal's face for a moment, just a moment. " _I can't go back there!"_

"Well.” Regina shook her head. “I need you to."

Mal's eyes narrowed, her hands suddenly shaky clasped in on themselves. "Okay so -"

"Mal. Please." She cut her off with a hand in the air.

Mal’s eyes grew wild, offended. "So this entire thing has been - what? Bullshit?"

Regina ran her fingers through her hair and groaned. "It was a mistake. I think - god, I think you just remind me of a time when I was young - and hot - and everyone wanted me. When Em wanted - uh, I - I was vain. I mean, look at this." She swept her hand over her body. "It's not important. I mean, it is, but what the fuck? This - the leather and the poor life decisions, that's not who I _am_ anymore. I haven't been her for a long time, Mal. Don't you get it?”

She could see in Mal’s blank stare that she didn’t. “You have to go."

"Why?" Mal bellowed, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Because!" Regina threw her hands up in the air, desperate to get her point across quickly. "You're my past, Mal. You're my past and I am _going_ to make it up to Emma."

Mal groaned, flopping down on the bed again and making Regina’s teeth grind. "Why do you feel the need to make it up to that piece of white bread?"

"Don't you dare!" Regina cut over her but Mal didn't seem to hear. Instead she just stood, ranting on.

"She let you go, Regina. So let _it_ go. You're free now."

"You don't get it!" Regina cried making Mal lean against the wall, arms crossed in challenge. She wished she would put on some clothes. "I don't want to be free. I was - I was looking for something and I don't know! I haven't been in my right mind."

"Oh, don't even start with the 'Craft makes my mind fuzzy' bullshit, Regina. I've heard it before."

Anger flipped in Regina's stomach. "All right. Fine. How about this? Why did you even come here, Mal? I got rid of you before so that all of this never had a chance to happen. You're a walking bad decision, Mal. You're _my_ bad decision. So why did you come back? Why did you even come here in the first place?"

"Because I missed you." Mal frowned as though the question didn't make sense, her eyes dark. "Because I missed you and then god, I saw this weird white bread life you were living here in suburbia hell and it so wasn't you. I've never seen anyone so trapped in my life. So. You're welcome, I guess."

"Did you just essentially say that I should say _thank you_?"

"Oh come on, you were so trapped. One too many virtuous decisions and you were fucking stuck. Don't pretend you weren't because you wanted me from the moment I got here."

That made Regina stop. Had she? She couldn't deny that eventually she had wanted Mal but... honestly, she had just wanted _someone_. And wanting Mal had clearly just made her want Emma more else it wouldn’t have been Emma’s face and voice her Craft showed her. So when had it started? It hadn't happened right away. Yes, the usual pull had been there, the same pull that brought them to one another's bed for years when there was nothing better to do but when had she actually begun to _want_ her.

...not until after…

"You are not, nor will you ever be a good little Girl Scout."

"DON'T TELL ME WHO I AM, MALEFICENT!" Regina roared, fed up. "You don't know me like you think you do!"

"Oh, I don't, huh?" Mal pushed off the wall and grabbed Regina's face, cupping it between her hands with a furious gentleness. "I know every breath, every thought, I know everything! I always have. Because _we_ have a past. You might have married Emma but _I_ hold your soul. I have known you for over twenty fucking years! How can you kick me out? You can't. You don't have it in you. You don't actually want that so stop pretending that you do. It's just a waste of time and effort."

Regina sank to the bed, feeling exhausted, breaking their contact.

Mal was wrong.

She had to be wrong.

It was the seriousness in her voice that seemed to catch Mal's attention when she spoke again. "But I do, Mal. I do. I want you to go away. I made a mistake. A huge mistake. I'm not even sure if I can fix it, that's how big it was. Actually, I've made more than one. So I need you to go, Mal. You bring out - you bring out something _wrong_ in me. You nurture a part of me that should have stayed dead. I don't mean my Craft, I think – I think perhaps I was wrong to lock it away before, but the overindulgence. I have a problem, Mal and you make it worse because you _love_ it. So I need you to go. I want you to go. And I don't want you to come back. I think I've wanted that for a while but I was too afraid to let you go. I can't take Magic - if I did I could level the entire town in one evening again- but I can take it _from_ you. So you were a fix for me, Mal and that's it. I'm sorry." She hadn’t been able to look up as she spoke, ashamed and worried about hurting her old friend, while knowing that was exactly what she need to do. She looked up now and wasn’t surprised to see the anger there.

Mal's face had ripped into disgusted anger, her lip pulling up, her hands in tight balls. "How can you say that to me?"

"Because we're toxic, Mal! We feed off of one another like some bacteria!" She didn’t understand how Mal didn’t see.

"So, what then? Back to radio silence?"

"What are you talking about?" She was beginning to reach her limit. She didn't think she could do this much longer. She was beginning to feel weak. It had been almost twenty-four hours. Her stomach was beginning to churn in a way that she didn't like. She was dizzy. Her shaking was increasing, making her vision blur ever so slightly.

"Radio silence. That is why I never came looking for you. I always assumed life got in the way and we had drifted into radio silence. I always assumed I'd see you again. Of course, I never would have thought that your silence was because you met someone... especially someone so boring. So." Mal finally flicked her hand and she was dressed. "We're going back to it, are we? Back to radio silence? Because that's all it is, Regina. You'll always come back to me. _I_ will always be your path. _We_ are one another’s paths, no matter how much we might try to change that."

Uncomfortable chills ran down her arms and she shuddered. That was... creepy. Did Mal really think that? What about this trip made her believe that? They had barely been _nice_ to one another - let alone…

"No, Mal." Regina shook her head. She felt sorry for her, she realized. Was _she_ the best that Mal could get? Was _she_ the best that Mal had gotten? Or was it just that she was the favorite of all that Mal had gotten? "It's over. All of it. It's over. I don't want the type of life that has you in it. I can't be this person." And it was true. She mentally swore. Shit. She knew what she needed to do next and - god, she didn't want to.

Mal stared at her with gears turning behind her eyes. She could tell that she wasn't sure if she believed her or not but she could also see that something about what Regina had just said was hitting her hard. Mal's deep grey eyes searched Regina's face, shocked and confused. "Think of the life we could have, you, me and Lu - you and me..."

It took everything Regina had to remain in her seat but she did, letting Mal process the truth. She - she didn't feel right and all it would take was one word, one breath and she could feel better. But then - this would begin all over again.

Finally, Mal scowled, deciding exactly how she felt about this. "Fine. Fuck you, Regina. Just - fuck you. Don't come crying to me next time you need a good fuck."

And like a petulant child in a tantrum, Mal disappeared in a puff of mauve.

Regina stood, her hands which had already been shaking began to quake all the harder.

"Oh god," she gasped.

She knew what she had to do. It was clear. She knew what she had to do but how could she?

She needed to just do it. Just go before she could think about facing them. She needed to just - now.

There was a sliver of relief as she reappeared in her purple cloud.

She groaned and disappeared again, reappearing instantly. When she had done that for a third time, hands clasped her shoulders.

"That's enough of that, dear. Come on. Come inside. We have a bath running for you. You almost surprised us."


	30. Chapter 30

**Regina**

* * *

She didn't deserve the look of warm understanding that was on Virginia and Ivy's faces. She didn't deserve it at all.

"Any longer, dear, and we were going to come get you," Ivy said with a pleased but resigned sigh.

They gave her twin smiles of warmth and Regina groaned. She didn't like their kindness. She didn't want it. It made her feel sick to her stomach.

...Or she just felt sick.

Sick. Yes.

Her stomach gave a gelatinous bubble.

Seeing as she always did, Ivy stepped back just before Regina bolted to the downstairs bathroom, moving out of the line of fire. Regina stumbled in and was silently but viciously sick. She threw up until she was on her knees, clutching the basin and moaning as white spots blurred her vision.

She had known this was coming all afternoon, but she had hoped it would hold off just a little bit longer. At least long enough that she could have had some privacy. This was humiliating. Then again, maybe she deserved to be embarrassed.

She heaved again and felt the sting of humiliated tears in her eyes.

Yes, she deserved this.

 

It took her a long time to get back to her feet, but when she did the crones were outside the door with their sweet looks that bit at her and a glass of water.

Regina took it, hating those smiles. They hurt far more than she could manage. She tried to avoid them and yet, they were so warm that she couldn’t. Instead, under their kind eyes, she began to cry.

"Oh, don't worry." Virginia laughed, sensing her feelings. "We have a good dose of hell to give you and we will. But not until the worst of it has passed."

She looked between them, tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry,” she gasped out.

Virginia wrapped her boney arms around her. "We know, dear."

"Watch out, V." Ivy warned.

Virginia let go just in time for Regina to double over and be sick again on the hallway floor.

 _Oh god._ She had never been so humiliated.

When she was through she sat with a thump on the floor feeling small, humbled. "I don't know what to do now." The admission was a whisper and she couldn't meet their eyes when she said it.

"You get up, dear and you get into that bath."

And so, because she had no idea what else to do, Regina did what she was told.

 

The bath water was warm and comforting. She immediately began to doze, exhausted and safe under the watchful eyes of the older women.

But soon, too soon, she woke. The pang of unhappiness she felt at coming back to the conscious world was childish and yet she wanted to wrap the water around herself and sleep deeper. She wasn’t ready to be awake again, couldn’t handle it.

It only took her a second to realize what had stirred her. She had begun to shake. Not like she had been before, her hands unable to hold a cup of coffee in the mornings, but this time it was near convulsions. Her whole body jerked and spasmed, suddenly feeling alien and detached from herself. Vaguely, she pressed against her thigh and tried hard to force her legs still but they wouldn't, they just bucked and twitched under her hand. She watched them kick, her hands twitching hard and felt a strange disconnect grow as though they weren't part of her at all. She gritted her chattering teeth as she realized her shoulders were banging into the side of the tub as she shook. She was freezing despite the warm water. She sucked in some air, shuddering hard.

She had to get up. She would hurt herself in the confines of the tub.

She blinked a few times, trying to clear her foggy head and reached for the lip of the tub, but she couldn't hold it. Her hand couldn’t get purchase, couldn’t grasp it hard enough to pull herself up at all. Then through bleary and wet eyes she realized, oh god, she was bleeding! She almost began to panic before she realized, no, that wasn't blood. It was thick, viscous purple. Her head banged against the faucet, outside of her control, the pain finally larger than the pain she felt in her extremities. It helped pull her out of her haze. "Wha - what - what did you put in th-th-the- the bath?" Regina finally managed as she realized the water running down her face was sweat, not bath water. She didn’t have to look, she knew one of them would be there, if not both.

"Oh, just something to hurry the process along a little bit, dear. We all have places to be." Ivy stepped into her line of vision, smiling kindly.

"M-m-m-my ch-ch-choi-ch-"

"Oh, did you want those extra two days of this then, dear?” Ivy chuckled. “Trust me, in a few hours you will be begging for another bath."

"Shouldn't ha-have-mu-muc-much-" she was pretty sure her lips weren't working right, but she was at a loss about how to fix it.

"Trust me." Virginia kneeled at her other side and stroked her hair out of her face. "A strong witch like you. You are going to be surprised how much you have had stored in you."

She wasn't sure how she got out of the tub or into the bed, but she couldn't relax. She shook, her sweat was making the bed below her damp and uncomfortable, her head ached and her stomach burned. She was being pushed into full blown detox by whatever was in that water and she wasn't sure she was ready. Her arms and legs felt as though she had been through the worst workout of her life, cramping, releasing and cramping again and try as she might, she couldn't do anything but cry. She held on to the hand offered to her and wept and while she wept, Virginia and Ivy talked. They told her histories. They sang her sweet songs. They talked about her abilities. And she did her best to listen.

"Giving it up entirely is not the answer, sweetheart, and you don't have to. You just need to learn."

"That's right. Everyday Craft can be used, Regina, without building an unhealthy amount inside of you if you are careful and you do not _let_ it build. Meditation every night and being mindful, that is the key."

"And Emma, my dear. Emma is also the key."

She couldn’t distinguish whose voice was whose but she listened and it calmed her.

Around sundown, Regina felt the pain change. To her horror, it increased. She clenched her teeth as she felt it begin to build until she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She thrashed on the bed, wailing and clutching her aching head. Her elbows, her back, her knees, each and every joint felt as though they had been hit with a sledgehammer.

Somewhere inside of herself she could see it all. The pathetic woman, rocking back and forth and crying like a very young girl. She could see the women beside her, their faces worried as they checked her temperature, gave her sips of water, and waited.

She remembered this from the last time. It hadn't been like this for Emma. She had been grouchy, she had paced a lot and behaved like a woman who was trying to give up smoking. She always had used so little. But Regina - it had been like this last time too. Then again - she had been out of control then as well – perhaps worse.

At some point, deep in the night, Ivy had been proven correct. Regina begged for another bath, anything to get this over with. When they rejected her she begged for them to allow her to take from them. They just kissed her cheeks and waited. Eventually they had to restrain her as the fever made her delirious and she lunched, trying to suck all she could out of the room, anything for a little relief.

By sunrise, she began to beg for her family, wanting Emma to be there with her, needing her support and her love. The women kindly reminded her that this was something that she probably shouldn't let her children see.

Then a little while longer when she just wanted strong, feminine arms around her, she began to wish for Mal.

Finally around mid-morning she closed her eyes and she was able to dream.

* * *

 

_Regina smoothed her short hair again and scowled into the mirror. She wished she could at least know if she was dressed appropriately. She glanced back at her closet and considered changing, but she had only brought a few things with her on this trip._

_Plus there was something - easy - about the blonde she had met the other night in the restaurant's bar._

Emma. _The blonde's name was_ Emma, _she reminded herself._

_She had seemed beautifully no frills, a take-me-as-I-am type of woman. So that was how Regina had dressed. Her skirt was a small wine colored one that showed just the right amount of leg for a warm evening such as this and her blouse was basic, white and long sleeved with a neckline that dipped far into her cleavage, though not too far. It was simple, classic as her black pumps and, well, her date._

_It had been strangely easy to choose what to wear, yet, that simplicity was what made her nervous._

_She checked her hair once more, grabbed her purse and went outside to hail a cab._

_A glimmer of amused pleasure grabbed her as she saw the cab driver give her long exposed thigh an appreciative look. If he approved then surely Emma would have to as well, right?_

_Still. Perhaps she should have gone with an outfit she would have worn a few years ago, something sexy and slightly wild. Though, it would have been very warm in leather pants. But her ex had always promised that her ass looked best in leather._

_She was still contemplating this when the cab came to a hard stop at a random street corner._

_"Here we are, lady."_

_"Um. What?"_ _Regina looked around. There was nothing around her. Where the fuck was she supposed to go?_

_"This is it. Now you pay me and get out." He shrugged as though the answer were obvious._

_A man was opening the opposite door from her and yelling an address at the cabby so she, not knowing what else to do, paid him and stepped out._

_She was nervous the moment she was on the street. She scowled. Was this a fancy way of getting stood up? Agree to the date, set up a time and then send the person to the middle of nowhere? Okay, not the middle of nowhere but - somewhere random._

_Her jaw clenched, offended._

_A little way down the street she noticed a sign for a small bar. Maybe the cabby had overshot it._

_Deciding she would at least try that before she called Emma she clicked her way down the cobblestone and into the dark bar._

_Instantly shy butterflies sprung to life in her gut, but she smiled._

_God, the woman was stunning. How did she make an outfit as simple as hers, a white tee, fitted leather jacket and tight slacks, look so good?_

_"I was worried that you had ditched me," she admitted as she approached her._

_Emma turned quickly, her huge eyes wide. "Regina." She breathed her name with such relief that it felt like a loving caress. "Hi." She handed her a rose, simple and perfect and then her eyes bulged. "Wow."_

_"What?" Regina hissed, jumping and looking around her for whatever had startled the blonde._

_Emma turned a deep but undeniably lovely shade of red. "Uh, I'm sorry. You just uh, you look amazing."_

_It was Regina's turn to blush. "So what are you drinking?" She took a seat next to her and caught the bartender's eye._

_"Water."_

_"Water?" Regina asked in surprise._

_"Yeah." Emma's head tilted to the side in thought. "I was going to get a drink to help calm my nerves, but then I realized I didn't want to. I wanted to be completely clear headed so I didn't forget anything."_

_"Anything?"_

_"That happens tonight."_

_Regina watched her for a long while, assessing. Had that been a line? If so, it was the smoothest line she had ever hear. Only... she didn’t think it was a line. With a spreading grin she turned to the bartender. "I'll have a glass of water, please."_

_"So where are we going?" she asked, taking a sip of her water once it was in her hand._

_Emma smirked, the twinkle in her eyes mesmerizing. "Across the street."_

_"Oh? And what's across the street?"_

_Emma just grinned and checked her watch. "Something we will be late for if we don't get going." She stood and though they both had only had sips of water, she put a few dollars on the bar, a quiet thank you for the bartender's time. Regina felt a smile spread to her lips as she realized that her date hadn't done it because she was on a date. Emma was preoccupied, making sure she had everything. She had simply done it because she was a good person. Regina thought of the time she had thrown a cup of water in a server's face simply because he had brought it with lemon. She hadn't been, well let's be honest she had been fucked up at the time, but it still made her wonder if she was worthy of someone so good. Could she be worthy someone so good? She wanted to be._

_"What?" Emma gave her half a smile when she realized that Regina was watching._

_Without thinking, Regina reached over and gently placed her palm on Emma's cheek and leaning in, gave her a small but heartfelt kiss. She smiled at her and let her thumb caress her cheek before she let go._

_Emma ducked her head and grinned like a school boy then offered Regina her hand._

* * *

 

_"Does this area look familiar at all? I won't be offended if you can't recognize it."_

_Emma looked around, confused as she took her seat._

_"I'll give you a hint," Regina said, trying to control her racing heart. She still wasn't sure if this was too much, too soon. What if Emma didn't want to go down memory lane? What if she secretly wished that she was back at home with the kids instead of here with her? "It's not over here. It's actually over there."_

_Emma turned and looked at the abandoned building across from the outdoor patio. She studied the small courtyard, the bench, and the streetlight. Slowly her eyes began to grow as she realized, "Is that- is that the dance studio?"_

_Relief washed through Regina when she saw that Emma didn't look annoyed or put off but - happy. She nodded. "Our first date."_

_"Oh, my god. So this -"_

_"That bar."_

_The server appeared then and with a polite grin said, "Your waters."_

* * *

 

_"Did anyone ever tell you that you could give Casanova a real run for his money?"_

_Emma chuckled a little under her breath. "Hmm, I didn't want to tell you this on the first date, but my father is actually Don Juan."_

_"You don't say?"_

_Emma chuckled again and pulled her tighter against her by the small of her back._

_Regina gasped, surprised by her forward move and then sighed into the embrace._

_"No, no, no, girls!" The instructor batted them apart with her hands, making Regina bite her lip to hold the laughter in. "There is supposed to be space. There. That's better. All right and -"_

_With a gleam in her eye, Emma pulled Regina the wrong direction._

_"No, no, no! This way, this way."_

_"Oh!" Emma flushed hot pink. "I uh, I was just trying to keep you on your toes." She flashed a wink at the old lady and Regina giggled to see the woman blink in confusion._

_"All right and -"_

_They were off. They laughed and snorted as they tripped their way across the room, trying to follow the steps the instructor had shown them. Once they had made it Emma stopped, awkward as she realized that she had no idea what to do next. Regina wondered if this was a good time to tell her that she already knew how to waltz._

_Emma's face was red. "How was that?" she called to the instructor._

_Regina felt like her sides were going to burst if she didn't laugh soon. The woman clicked her way over to them, her eyes narrowed. "What do you do for a living, honey?"_

_"Boston P.D. Criminal Investigator."_

_The woman gave her a once over that didn’t exactly read of kindness. "Well sugar. I wouldn't quit your day job."_

_That did it. Regina couldn't hold it in anymore and collapsed into Emma's arms, laughing until tears fell down her cheeks._

* * *

 

_Finally her tears were coming too fast so she just let her face rest in Emma's lapel. "Emma I -"_

_"Shhhh," Emma hushed her and stroked her head. "I know."_

_She nuzzled Emma's neck and breathed in the scent of her skin. She had missed this. She had missed her arms around her._

_"Do you still know how to waltz?" Emma asked in a low voice._

_Regina laughed, wiping her face. "Actually. I knew how to waltz long before that night."_

_"What?" Emma gasped in mock horror._

_"My mother made me learn when I was a child."_

_Emma groaned. "So when I was falling all over the place -"_

_Regina sighed, chuckling once to herself. "I was falling in love with you."_

_Emma grinned slowly, her eyes growing soft. Carefully, she kissed her cheek._

_Regina's eyes closed as she felt her lips lightly brush her skin, so grateful for it that she wanted to say thank you._

_Then, despite the fact that there was no music, Emma began to spin them under the glow of the warm streetlight._

 

The tears were the first thing she registered when her eyes opened. The next was the pain.

It wasn't over yet. Oh god, it wasn't over yet. And she had lost her.

Then she realized two sets of hands were kneading into her skin, rubbing her down with small crystals of various colors.

Ivy's eyes were closed, but Virginia was watching her, tears running down her face as she felt everything that Regina had felt. "What did you see, dear?"

Regina had to try twice before she could get her cracked and sore voice to work. "It was our first date."

"Ah. That explains it then." she smiled to herself.

"But -" She gasped in pain as her skin brushed the blanket with razor like harshness. It took her a moment before she could start again. "But there was something else." She shivered, despite the warm room. They had never been back to the spot of their first date. Regina had always meant to take them but they had never made it. "I don't understand."

She looked to Ivy and saw a secret smile. "Who knows, my dear. But perhaps - perhaps it is something still to come? If you follow the right path."


	31. Chapter 31

**Emma**

**Two Weeks Later**

* * *

 

"Henry, will you set the table, please?"

Henry and Ollie were on the other side of the room, in the living room lounging on the couch. Their homework was freshly done and so they were staring in blank-faced absorption at some cartoon that Emma didn't know, deaf to the world. Or at least, Ollie was deaf to the world. Henry was probably ignoring her on purpose... again.

A hideous hunchbacked villain appeared on the screen, seething about something the heroes had done and cursing them to the bowels of hell. Henry, as though Emma hadn’t spoken, snickered and nastily punched Oliver in the arm. "See him?"

"Yeeeah." Oliver scowled, rubbing the sore spot.

"That's you."

"Nu-uh." Ollie scowled, his lips set in a thin line.

The screen flashed to the heroes and then back to the villain. "That's you."

"Nu-uh!"

"Henry!" Emma called.

The screen cut to the heroes' dog, wagging and barking and then back to the evil villain.

"That's you."

"NU-UH! Moooommy!"

"Henry! Table!"

He scowled, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, something Regina never allowed. "I'll do it in a minute."

" _Henry_!"

He groaned as though she were being ridiculous and pulled himself up, his arms still crossed across his chest. "Mom coming for dinner?"

Emma rolled her eyes and tried hard to swallow the snarl that wanted to lash out. She had done sweet. She had done understanding. She had done listening, she had done quiet, she had done angry, still they had been at one another's throats for weeks. He had decided that the whole situation was _her_ fault and, therefore, he had waged war on his mother. Henry had been doing anything and everything to get under her skin and, well, the kid was good at it. She knew that he already knew the answer to his question, but she told him anyway. "She will be over after dinner, just like always, Hen."

"What is _she_ doing for dinner then?"

Just like every night, she sighed and said with exasperation, "I have no idea, Henry."

It was still strange. She really didn't have any idea about where Regina spent her evenings. Did she eat at Granny's every night? Was Mal making her dinner at the cabin? She didn't want to know but it was disconcerting. Regina had been her life for ten years. She felt like she was suddenly walking around without one of her limbs.

"Can we stay with her tonight?"

"Henry. Come on." Emma sighed, rubbing hard against her forehead.

"What? It's a fair question. She _is_ my Mom. You can't really tell me I can't stay with her."

"Actually, I can and she would back me up. Not on a school night. We've been _over_ this."

The plates suddenly slammed into the table, rattling like they might break and making Bonnie across the room begin to cry. She could feel him glaring hate filled daggers at her and so she ignored him.

Eventually he huffed and turned away whispering "you suck" under his breath.

She swallowed hard. It wasn't the first time she had heard it, hell it wasn't the first time she had heard it today but it always hurt. Then again, it was a drop in the bucket of all the hurt she was feeling. Emma avoided his eye, bit the inside of her cheek and went to quiet Bonnie.

None of this was easy. She was barely keeping her head above water. She really wished she could, at least, count on her kids to be fucking nice to her. Was that really too much to ask?

She had tried to have a sit down with him, but since the only thing he wanted to know was what Regina had done it hadn't worked. It had ended when Henry stomped out of the room, yelling about how horrible of a person and mother she was.

She wondered if he would be pleased to know that every little snarl cut at the ropes she was using to hold herself together. Would he be happy when she shattered? Or just angry at her for being weak?

She plated dinner for the boys and, jaw tight and hands clenched, with a deep breath she turned and gave them a giant smile. "Okay boys, dinner is ready."

Ollie looked up and smiled but Henry refused to make eye contact. She could almost feel him mentally flipping her off.

Ollie sat down and looked confused as her plate remained empty. "Aren't you eating?"

"You know what?" She said as brightly as she could. "I was thinking that I would hop in the shower. I'm feeling kind of grungy. Do you think you could feed Bonnie? I’ll eat dinner afterward, okay?"

He nodded, his young eyes suddenly deep and wise. She knew she wasn't fooling him at all.

"'Kay. I'll be right back. Eat up before it gets cold."

She turned, her breath shallow as she worked to hold it back. From behind her she heard a punch land and Ollie yelp in pain, then they began to fight in earnest both shouting. It wasn't just Emma that Henry was making pay for Regina's departure.

She knew that she should break up their fight, but instead she rushed into the bathroom at top speed and let the sob release.

She had been doing this a lot lately. She didn't want her kids to see her cry. It unsettled and upset Henry, scared Ollie, and Bonnie was just getting old enough to understand tears and, therefore, cried whenever anyone else cried. So each time she felt her control slipping she sprinted at full speed for the bathroom or to a closet or anywhere she could hide and let the tears come until she could choke them back down until that night.

 

She let herself cry for ten minutes and then got into the shower, knowing Regina would be there soon and she was not at all ready for that, not yet. Not that she ever was. Every day it was a physical punch in the gut to see Regina because she still couldn't wrap her head around it. Regina wasn't living there. Her wife was with someone else.

 

She was just pulling on her jeans in her bedroom when she heard the doorbell ring.

Within a second or two the door flew open hard enough to slam into the wall and Ollie’s shrill voice screamed, "Henry won't stop being a jerk to Mom."

Emma listened as Regina's heels hit the foyer, a sound she had known so well once.

"Henry, I already told you to knock that off!" Regina insisted, all of her mom authority in her voice.

"But Mom!"

"No! And if you tell one more person that your mother kicked me out of this house then I swear to god Henry the punishment will be _long_ and _unpleasant_."

Emma's heart fell as she wondered who it had been this time. It had already been Ruby and Eugenia, a trip to Granny’s they would never forget. At least both women had already known the truth, the everyone at their own tables nearby hadn’t.

The last time he had shared that over simplified truth it had been to his soccer coach. There had been a long awkward moment where she and the blonde woman had shared uncomfortable and apologetic looks before both had come up with a quick reason why they had to go.

"You act like it isn't true!" Henry bellowed.

Heels clicked fast and then quieted, meaning Regina had gone into the living room and Emma could not hear what she said to their exceptionally angry son.

He had been begging Emma to let him go live with Regina since she left. She had said no because this was Henry's home, this was where he belonged, but maybe she was making the wrong choice. Maybe it would be better for him if she let him go live with Regina... and Mal.

Fuck! She ran her hands through her hair hard enough to hurt, pausing to take a few deep breaths.

This all felt so strange. She hadn't realized how many little things had come together to shape their lives. Regina hadn't taken her shoes off before stepping onto the carpet.

They didn't have a rule about that or anything, they had children so there was no point. Still Regina had always clicked the first few steps though the door then like clockwork, there would be a sigh as she took the heels off and next came the sound of feet padding on the tile. It was such a small thing but it showed such intimacy.

The change in the routine was unnerving.

Emma’s stomach cramped.

She didn't have time for this. She didn't even want to think about this, honestly. So she threw her hair back into a ponytail and headed downstairs for the hardest part of every day.

When Regina had shown up on the doorstep almost a week after Emma had asked her to leave, Emma hadn't been sure what to think. She had been so torn between relief that she was alright and hurt betrayal that she had barely been able to look at her. She had felt an overwhelming want to scream at her and hug her all at once.

Regina had been toying with her keys as though a few moments before she hadn't been sure if she was supposed to just let herself in or knock. She had brushed her hair behind her ear, uncomfortably and smiled.

Emma had scowled because she could see hope in that half smile and Emma didn't have any of that anymore. She had caught her wife cheating, asked her to leave, then her wife had disappeared - presumably with the other woman - for over a week. She had no hope left in her.

"I was hoping to see the children." Regina had said when Emma had asked her what she was doing there. Like that, the hope had drained from Regina's face and Emma had been furious to realize that had hurt just as much. "Emma, I understand that I hurt you, but you have to let me see the children."

This, of course, had offended the hell out of Emma because she was so much more than just hurt and, of course, she was going to let Regina see their children. What the hell?

Still she studied Regina for a moment, wondering just how revved up she was.

She didn't look revved up at all.

While Regina was still skinny and as toned as she had been since her sudden change, her clothes had calmed, closer to what she had worn when they had first started a family, polite skirt suits, slacks, and blouses. The leather and boots had gone and she looked less like a sexy youth and more like an attractive mother and wife.

 _You have to let me see the children_ , what bullshit. Like she would keep her from them – or them from her.

So she had stepped back and let her in.

Regina had paused just inside the door.

Emma could feel her desire to talk, but perhaps Regina had sensed that she would not be able to handle it just then so she had simply given her a small smile and moved past her.

It had been like that every time Regina came over and it would be like that tonight. She wasn't sure she had it in her.

"Hi." Emma gave her a polite half smile as she rounded the corner into the living room.

"Hi." Regina's eyes flashed up to meet hers and then away awkwardly as the tension instantly began to build. It always did. There were too many questions they had for one another, too many things that needed to be said. The need to talk was too large. They had never fought. They had never had any type of conversation. Regina had simply left and it had continued on like this. Perhaps the fight was still coming and that was what this feeling was. After all they would have to talk one day. "How are you?"

Emma shrugged but didn't ask the question back. Instead she said, "Their homework is done but they haven't gotten ready for tomorrow yet."

Regina's eyes bore into her for a while before she nodded once and looked back down at the toddler who was pulling on her necklace. "All right."

"And - and I think Oliver has a loose tooth. Will you look at it, please?" Her voice felt strange, even to her, too formal, too tight.

"Okay."

"Yeah, so. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go. I'll uh, see you later." She gave Ollie a kiss on the forehead and reached for Henry.

He scoffed and got up to move away from her.

She froze, a hand still out. Her cheeks burned for a second, annoyed at how much that hurt too.

"Henry!" Regina barked, but Emma didn't wait. She didn't want to hear Regina standing up for her. She left as quickly as possible.

 

She didn't always leave when Regina was with the kids. Sometimes she stayed upstairs, or cleaned with headphones in, or read or - anything really, but today she just needed out of the house.

She didn't have anywhere special she wanted to go so she just walked, heading toward the bay.

The water had been her favorite thing to stare at since this had begun. She came out here every now and then and let herself fall into a hypnotic trance, watching its easy rhythm.

She could do it for hours, letting her brain slowly shut down until there was a blissful numb buzz covering all of the unpleasant crap in her life.

It felt good to do that tonight, thoughts of Henry slipping away as she watched the current move, watched the small waves gently lap against the shore.

She sat until the town behind her began to grow silent, something that happened early there, and the sun had turned into a moon.

She was reluctant to pull herself away tonight, knowing when she went home she would be met with Henry's anger, her guilt, Regina's – well - Regina. Finally, when the dock lights clicked on she knew she had to go.

The first thing she heard when she stepped through the door was the sound of Oliver giggling.

She frowned.

It was petty, but how had the kids just _forgiven_ Regina for disappearing the entire time that Mal had been in the house?

Ugh. Mal. The weekend was coming up and she was going to have to let the kids go and spend the time with their mother. What would Mal say to them? She could only imagine at this point. Would she be sending them to stay at Mal's cabin? The weekend before they had all stayed at Granny's; Regina apparently smart enough to avoid bringing her children to her girlfriend’s house. Would that still be true? How long would that be true?

Mal had enough good sense over the last two weeks to stay out of sight.

And she supposed she was grateful for that. She had expected Mal to be strutting around like a peacock, proud to have won.

Like a whip, the image of Regina and Mal in bed flashed through her mind making her wince.

Ugh. Her stomach rolled. Her eyes teared. Her soul bled.

God damn it.

"I'm back guys." She called when she entered the house.

“Up here!” Ollie shouted.

She found everyone in Oliver's room, happy smiles on their faces.

"Hi!" Oliver smiled.

"Welcome back." Regina's voice was low and without wanting to or meaning to, Emma's eyes fell on her. "Why don't you join us?"

Emma looked at the spot beside her that she had pat and, oh god, all she wanted to do was sit down - let her thigh rest against Regina's for the simple contact - laugh with them - feel the previously steady presence of her wife, let her head fall onto her shoulder. But she knew she couldn't without crying so she smiled and told them she needed to clean up the dinner dishes.

She battled with herself as she washed. She was making herself dizzy. How much longer was Regina going to stay? She hoped she would go soon. She hoped she just wouldn't go and instead would insist on being let back into her home. She hoped she would come down and talk to her. Fuck, she wanted to rip her face off and if that fucking asshole came anywhere near her she would. They needed to make weekend plans, but there was no way in hell she was sending her kids to Mal's cabin.

"Fuck." She whimpered as her head thrashed back and forth. She let it fall to the lip of the sink and just tried to breathe.

She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry. She was not - fuck, she was crying.

She had never known that she was capable of crying like this, the way she had been over the last few weeks; not until she had lost Regina to Mal. She had never known it was possible to cry with your whole soul, to sob with every breath of your being and yet wish that you could sob harder because no matter how much you cried, the ache was never soothed. She never knew that it was possible to cry until your body ran out of tears or that it wouldn't matter because you just kept crying anyway.

A soft hand brushed her shoulder and she jumped. Her thoughts immediately of her children and their distress over her tears.

"Hey." Regina said in a soft voice and tried to pull Emma in, tried to pull her against her.

Embarrassed and caught Emma quickly wiped her face and glared. "Sorry."

"Emma..." Regina pulled lightly on her arms again and Emma's face, of its own accord, fell into the crook of Regina's neck.

Emma let out one sob the moment her nose nuzzled her wife's skin, so comforted by being there and yet - she pulled away hard before Regina's arms could close around her fully. "Emma-"

"Look, just don't - don't do that, alright! _Ever_!"

Regina took a sharp step back and Emma had to wonder how it was that Regina was still surprised by her anger.

She had a goddamn _right_ to be angry and she was going to hold on to it with all of her might. Hell. She needed to find more. She knew she hadn't gotten to that phase of their separation yet and she couldn't wait until she did.

It was the only thing keeping her afloat.

Right now she was just... she was just so sad. And that was not keeping her afloat.

"All right." Regina snapped and then closed her eyes and cringed. "Emma. We need to talk. There's so much - I - Emma, I'm so sorry."

Emma watched Regina's face crumple as tears began to form. She didn't want to hear it. She didn’t want to see Regina cry. Regina had no right to cry.

"Please talk to me, Em."

Emma scoffed and began to scrub the counter clean. "What's there to talk about, Regina? You made your choice."

"No, Emma. I made a _mistake_."

"Are you living with Mal now?"

Regina snorted out a "No" that was almost a laugh then her face grew serious when she realized that Emma wasn't being funny or rude. "Emma. _No_. Mal has been gone since - since that day. I asked her to leave town."

Hope filled Emma and for just one shining moment it warmed her body, it lightened her mind. It felt wonderful. Until she realized that, well, it didn't really matter. "You seem..." she wasn’t sure exactly how to explain.

"I uh, I went through - I got it all out of me."

"Oh? You're not using it anymore?"

"No, I am."

Emma's little bit of hope was instantly dashed.

"I'm working with Virginia and Ivy to do it normally, though.” Regina continued, her voice soft. “To _be_ normal. ...They send their love."

"Wait, _my_ Virginia and Ivy?" Was there nobody left who was on her side? Those women were the closest things to family that Emma had besides this cheating, untrustworthy woman in front of her. How could they? For just a second her head slipped under the water as she realized she was alone now, wasn't she? Regina had an affair and yet somehow Emma was the one who was left standing alone. Her children were barely speaking to her. Virginia and Ivy were on Regina's side. And her wife…

Well.

It wasn't the impossible struggle through the thing that drove you mad, was it?

No.

It was knowing that now you were entirely _alone_.

"Mom?" Henry called clunking down the stairs. "Will you help me with the thing in my closet?"

Emma looked away knowing he wasn’t calling for her.

Regina had been watching Emma, her face appalled by what she saw there. Regina jumped and wiped under her eyes just before Henry came storming in.

"Hey, sweetie. Not tonight. We'll do it tomorrow. I have to get going."

Henry stared between them, his face first going white and then flushing red. "Wait, you're leaving just because _she_ got home?"

Emma turned away, cut, her face crumpling for just a moment before she could get better control over it.

Regina stood, looking perturbed and uncomfortable. "No Henry, I'm leaving because it is almost your bedtime."

Emma didn’t have to see him to know his fury was bubbling.

"I hate this! I don't want to stay here! Why can't I come with you? I don't want to be here with _her_."

Emma gasped and leaned over, her hands on her knees. Jesus, the kid was cruel. Her head sank under water again and she didn't think she could stop herself.

Her son hated her. He honestly hated her.

She let out a muffled sob and covered her face. No. No, no, no. She shook her head, shaking away the sadness. She wouldn't do this.

When she stood again she found Regina's eyes on her, pitying. Emma scowled, the sad replaced for this blissful moment by anger. She didn't want that look from Regina. This was her god damned fault and it was for her stupid sake that she was letting him treat her this way. She wasn't going to tell him what his mother had done, even if it meant he hated her for the rest of his life. It wasn't for Regina's sake, it was because she didn't want to break the image her son had of his mother. She scowled back and Regina looked away, her cheeks tinted pink with shame.

"Henry-" Emma began.

"No! I should have a say!" He roared, cutting her off. "I'm old enough to have a say! This is crap."

Emma glared at Regina. Her son hated her and it was _her_ fault. For a moment she hated Regina, she hated her more than she would have ever thought possible.

"Goddamn it, Henry! I am sick of this!" Regina roared right back.

Henry's eyes widened, clearly not expecting an attack from the woman he thought he was protecting.

"This is an _adult_ matter and your attitude is unacceptable! _I_ made the mistake, Henry. Your mother was _right_ to kick me out. Now upstairs! And not another peep until morning."

Henry stared at her for a long while and then with an angry scream he stomped upstairs.

Emma watched him go, her skin twitching trying to get rid of the hurt like a horse trying to rid themselves of an itch.

"Emma."

She shrugged and moved away. She didn't want to hear it. She just - she wanted Regina to go now. She couldn't handle this.

"Emma, we have to talk eventually. We can't just leave it like this. I'm sorry, but you don't get to just leave it like this."

She wanted to scream. She wanted to yell that she got to do whatever the hell she wanted! But she knew that Regina was right. They did need to talk.

But it wasn't going to be today.

* * *

 


	32. Chapter 32

Emma

* * *

The little shit didn't talk to her for two days.

Okay. Maybe she shouldn't call her son a little shit. She loved him. But he literally had not spoken to her since Regina had sent him up to his room _two days ago_.

She had tried everything. She had yelled. She had begged. She had tried to be understanding. She had even bribed him with tickets to a movie he really wanted to see.

Honestly, she would have been impressed with his dedication if it wasn't now Friday afternoon and she knew that within the next few minutes Regina would be there to pick them up and they would be gone for the weekend.

The previous weekend she had been so worried and angry that she hadn't felt alone or strangely left out, but this weekend the loneliness was starting to creep in already. She wanted to be rude. She wanted to insist that Regina couldn't have them. She wanted to insist her children stay there with her. But those were childish thoughts.

Her skin crawled and she tried to shake out the willies. Waiting for Regina's knock was like anticipating a first date only - terrible. Her skin flushed. Her stomach knotted and twisted. Her breath became short and uncomfortable. She couldn't sit still. She held Bonnie's hands and cheered with a level of enthusiasm she couldn't really muster. She was so close to really walking on her own and Emma was sure if she tried hard enough she could get her to say 'mama'. She did her best to focus on her daughter and tried not to listen for the clicking of heels on the walk.

She wasn’t successful at all though, her ears peeled for the sound of Regina.

She heard them just before they hit the porch and she froze, Bonnie lifted halfway to her hip.

It was hard to believe that not so long ago Emma would have felt her heart pick up just a bit, excited for Regina to come through the door. She would have tickled Bonnie's belly and whispered that Mommy was home and then they both would have met her at the door, waiting for Regina to give her girls a hello kiss.

Now she held her breath and called for Henry to let his mother in, then moved away to the kitchen so she could pretend she was busy.

Henry stomped down, wordlessly glared at her for a moment then went to open the door.

Regina came clicking in asking Henry about school.

"It's fine. I got a B on that paper."

"Oh look, he speaks!" Emma muttered and instantly wished she hadn't when Regina's deep brown eyes turned to her.

She hated those eyes. They had always been her favorite, so rich, so beautiful. Now they always held such pain and they caused such pain.

Regina looked between the teenager and back at Emma who wore twin looks of avoidance. "What does that mean?"

Henry studied the ceiling stubbornly for a minute before crumpling under Regina's demanding gaze. "Look, I'm not talking to her, okay?"

"You're not talking to her? Henry, you realize she's your mother? You don't have a lot of say in whether you speak to her."

"Let's just go." He turned and stomped upstairs for his things.

Emma flinched at the indignant anger she felt the moment that Regina looked at her again. Could she please just make up her mind? Did she miss her or did she hate her? Right now she was leaning toward hate.

But god, she missed her.

"He's not speaking to you?"

"He's angry. A lot of us are. Here." Bonnie squealed excitedly the moment Regina took her. "I'll get Ollie."

"Em."

She swung around sharply. "What?"

"Please. Why don't you come with us? We aren't planning on doing anything special, but you should come with us. We could go out as a family. Or maybe we could even stay here."

Emma closed her eyes and counted to ten before she responded. That was the only way she was able to keep her voice low enough so that all of Storybrooke didn't hear. " _As a family_?" she hissed. "Is this what a family looks like, Regina? Don't talk to me about family. You don't get to call yourself my family. You gave away that right. You were supposed to be my family, but you betrayed me. You don't get -"

"Are you guys fighting again?" Ollie asked coming around the corner.

Shamed, Emma turned around and covered her face. Goddamn it. She took a second and then spun around again. "No, sweet pea! Not anymore, okay?"

She shouldn't have said that in front of Bonnie either. Her anger was getting harder to control.

Regina hadn't caught up to her yet, her face still showing shock and open despair.

Emma wished that she would hurry up and change it.

"Do you have your shoes? Don't forget your tights."

He nodded and started toward the laundry room.

"So that's it then, Emma?" Regina whispered, her voice cracking. Emma hated it. She didn't want to feel bad for her. Regina had made her damn bed! "Divorce? Is that the next step? Are you not even willing to discuss it?"

 _Divorce_? The word startled her so deeply that she nearly dropped the notebook of Henry’s she had picked up from the counter. _Divorce_? That word, so black and ugly, sliced through her like a blade.

"Mom! Let's go!" Henry bellowed.

Emma couldn't look up from the floor, she was too angry, too hurt. She refused. She couldn't. She had told Henry that they would always be a family. So which thing had she not meant? What she just said or the one before?

Eventually, heels clicked and she knew Regina was gone.

It didn't feel better once she was gone.

It felt worse.

* * *

 

 

Divorce. God, that was such an ugly word.

It was such an ugly concept.

She had never believed in divorce. When you became a family, there was nothing that should or could split it up. You didn't give up on family. That had always been her motto, her way. But now she was beginning to wonder.

Was that what she wanted? Did she want to let their lives fall separate?

Storybrooke was small. Did she want to watch as Regina moved on to someone else? Again. Did she want Regina to grow into a stranger? An enemy?

Though, didn't all of this prove that Regina already was? She would never have anticipated this. Maybe this all proved that Regina was already a stranger.

She flopped down on the couch with a grunt. They did need to talk soon. It was easier and far more comfortable to simply refuse but it couldn't go on much longer.

So what did she want?

She began to laugh and somewhere in the laughter she began to cry. God, what a stupid question.

What did she want?

She stood and went over to the small wet bar that lived behind the couch. It was early, but still she poured a huge glass of whiskey, most of the tumbler, and drank it down, enjoying the burn.

What did she want?

She wanted the house to not be empty. She wanted to stop the war that was waging inside of herself; the one that called for Regina's head while also calling for her affection and protection.

She poured herself another tumbler full and stared at it, debating. It was a bad decision.

She drank it in two gulps and fell onto the couch while she still could.

What did she want?

She wanted to go back to Regina's college years and steal her away from Mal before all of the influence and the damage could change Regina's nature. She wanted to wrap the young and slightly broken Regina in a bubble of warmth and love. She wanted to go back to before she had ever met Regina and take a different path. She wanted to go back further and take Regina from her mother before she could be sent off to boarding school. She wanted to go back in time and to kick Mal out before she ever entered their lives.

But then again... she began to pick at the stitching of the couch as she realized with uncomfortable clarity - would that really have changed anything?

Were they heading for disaster either way?

Sex on Friday.

Pizza on Monday.

Dinner at Granny's every weekend.

She hadn't been bored. But had Regina been bored? Clearly.

Her mind was beginning to grow hazy with shocking quickness and she was thankful. She sank back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling.

Clearly, she had been bored. Not just bored, but so fucking bored that she was willing to do just about anything to get away.

To get away from her.

Then again, did she blame her? Her legs and armpits were hairy and they had been - to some varying degree - for years. Her hand slipped under the lip of her pants and into her pubic hair - yeah, that wasn't so cute anymore either.

She thought of the slim, sexy body of Mal wearing that strap-on with such confidence. That had been her once. The hot, confident cop from Boston.

No wonder Regina was bored. Maybe it even went as far as Regina was turned _off_ by her. That wouldn't be the most alarming news.

Her face scrunched as she thought. Honestly - she had been a little bored too, hadn't she? No, bored wasn't the right word but things hadn't been quite right. Maybe a little stale. But she hadn't realized it, had she?

Her arms went to behind her head and she frowned as a horrible, terrible thought occurred to her.

How long?

She had been assuming that their affair had started just after Mal got into town, long before Emma ever questioned her about it. But - shit, what if Regina had known Mal was in town for a long time? It had seemed so random and unexpected that Mal had just showed up after ten years.

Of course. She smacked herself in the forehead and groaned. She was so _stupid_! Who knew how long Regina had been seeing Mal. Plus. What if there had been others?

She spent a few minutes critiquing Regina's behavior with other women over the course of their relationship. There was no way to know but - there had to be others, right? This didn't just _happen_. You don't just wake up one morning and cheat on your wife.

Anger began to build as she realized the truth of that statement.

Wobbling just a bit, she pulled herself up and poured herself another glass, a little slopping over the edge.

Had Regina had fun?

Her gorge rose, as it always did when she thought about this. The same strange mixture of hate, loss, disbelief and sadness crept into her skin.

What had it looked like the very first time? Had she been hesitant or had she just jumped in head first? Had she felt guilty afterward or had she just been so satisfied to be fucking someone new that she had never gotten around to it?

Jesus, she felt so stupid. She was so stupid.

How many orgasms had it been?

Had she walked away feeling satisfied?

Had she cheated because Emma was unable to satisfy her?

She slammed the tumbler down on the table, stomach churning.

When had she made the fucking choice? Had it been right away or did it take a while?

Had she thought about getting caught?

Would she do it again?

Once a cheater always a cheater, right?

She spun on her heels, nearly tipping over and started toward the stairs.

She hadn't cared about her family.

Ugh, _'we could go out as a family'_. What the fuck was that shit? Was Emma supposed to just move on? Was she just supposed to pretend that it hadn't happened even though she had that fucking image seared into her brain? Was she supposed to forget the sounds her wife was making? How was she supposed to forget the look on her face as someone _else_ made her come? Hard. Very hard.

Emma slammed into the door of their - her -their - her bedroom and nearly fell.

How fucking selfish was she?

Had it been worth it? Obviously it had. _That_ … that time with the ropes and the strap-on. That hadn't been the first time. And ew! She wiggled and jumped in place as though there were bugs crawling up her back. She had used that trick on _her_! Regina had _fucked_ her not long ago. Had she just come home from fucking Mal? She couldn't even remember if she had showered first. Had she fucked Emma with Mal's essence still on her? _In_ her?

Stumbling to the closet, she threw it open with a forceful bang. Furious, her Craft exploded from her and the door swung off the hinge and crashed into the wall.

Had she even cleaned Mal's pussy off of her before she had fucked _her_?

"That's fucking disgusting!" Emma yelled at no one.

She grabbed at thin air behind her and then slammed her hand toward the floor. The suitcase from the hall closet came skittering into the room at top speed before slamming to the floor open just beside her.

"Did you not think that I would eventually find out? Built her a fucking cabin! What does that _mean_?"

The grabbed a handful of hanging black garments and threw them into the suitcase.

"HOW LONG WERE YOU PLANNING ON FUCKING HER? HOW LONG WERE YOU PLANNING ON FUCKING ME TOO?"

Another handful fell into disarray in and around the suitcase.

"WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO STAY FOREVER, REGINA? YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU CALLED ME BORING? I WASN'T FUCKING BORING! I WAS YOUR FUCKING WIFE!" She grabbed the shoes and gave them the same treatment as the clothes. "DID THAT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?" She whirled and began grabbing things off the shelves, throwing them as hard as she could toward the suitcase on the floor. "DID I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY SAFETY! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY HAPPY FUCKING ENDING!" She threw one of Regina's nightstand books at the bag. "DID IT TASTE GOOD?" She grabbed Regina's glass jewelry box, a four generation heirloom and launched it at the suitcase. It missed and shattered on the wall behind it, spraying glass and jewelry everywhere. "DID HER PUSSY TASTE SO GOOD THAT NOTHING ELSE MATTERED? OR WAS IT THAT MINE WAS JUST THAT BAD?" She launched Regina's hand mirror toward the suitcase. It too shattered. "DIDN'T WE MATTER TO YOU AT ALL? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST _TALK_ TO ME?"

With a furious scream, she started toward the bathroom, her vision beginning to pulse, her mouth tasting like metal.

"EIGHT YEARS OF MARRIAGE! TEN YEARS OF THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP! IT MEANT NOTHING?" She gathered an armful of beauty products and stomped back toward the suitcase.

Pain lanced across her foot, bringing her back down, making her yelp and drop all the bottles and tubes. "FUCK!" She hobble-fell her way over to the bed and looked at her bare foot. A huge chunk of glass was embedded into it, bleeding profusely. "FUCK!"

Gritting her teeth she grabbed the glass as best she could and ripped it out with an angry scream.

"FUCK!"

She stared at nothing for a moment and the throbbing in her temples, in her vision began to calm. She sat on the edge of the bed, breathing heavily. _Shit._ She took in the glass covering the floor, the piles of clothes and other belongings and felt a twinge of guilt.

She had lost her temper. She had lost... something, she had no idea what but that had been savage behavior.

By her feet was a blouse on a hanger. It was Regina's favorite. Silverish gray, silk. It looked beautiful on her.

Picking it up, her anger spilled out of her. She had acted like a child from the moment that Mal had gotten there, hadn't she? Her insecurity had made her behave in a way she didn't recognize.

She lifted the shirt to her nose and smelled it. It smelled of her wife. She closed her eyes and lived in that scent for a while. She could almost pretend she still felt it, felt the safety that this scent brought, the connection to the woman. She could almost feel it and it was enough to slow her heart.

When her eyes opened again they lifted to the half empty closet.

The sight of it was too much and with a heave, she began to convulsively sob into the bunched shirt in her hands.


	33. Chapter 33

**Regina**

* * *

"Come on, Regina. You have to let go if this is going to work."

She wanted to snarl at the twins but there was no point. Her anger was nowhere as impressive as it had been a few weeks ago, nor was her now pathetic excuse of a snarl. "Why-” She stopped to grind her teeth for a moment, rephrasing. “How do I just let go? If you're - going to - give me advice, Virginia, can you at - least form it in a - constructive way?"

This was fucking pathetic. She was just trying to make that goddamn apple appear in her hand. She could do this last fucking Friday when she was here. Why couldn't she do it now? There was nothing blocking her Craft yet it seemed to be growing increasingly weak and it was making her panic. She needed her Craft. If she couldn't have her wife or a full-time life with her children then she needed her Craft at the very least! She needed some part of her to still be hers.

Ivy rolled her eyes as she walked behind her, smacking her hard on the back of the head.

Regina jumped and could only blink, dumbly, confused by a move that she had easily done to Henry a hundred times. She was _not_ Emma. Did they really think that was okay to do? "Was that your way of saying 'don't be smart'?" She could read her answer in her face and huffed. "I apologize. I just do not understand what the problem is!"

She mentally reached for the apple again, straining as hard as she could, pushing until her eyes felt like they would pop and - nothing.

"I take it from this that you did not talk to Emma yet." Ivy gave a gentle wave of her hand toward the apple to make her point.

This time Regina did snarl which quickly turned into a whimper. "I tried." She gave up on the apple, playing with her wedding ring nervously. She turned, her voice unable to be stranger than a whisper. "I asked her to join us this last week like you recommended."

"And?" Virginia asked.

Regina's eyes flicked to Ivy who scoffed. "You know that I don't know everything, dear. That isn't how this works."

"Of course, I didn't mean - I - anyway, I asked her if she wanted to join us as a family. She grew very angry with me and informed me that I no longer have the right to call myself her family." She had said it in the easiest way she knew, quickly and to the point as though she were just reciting fact but her shaking voice gave her away. "Not that I blame her, of course. Family does not hurt one another the way I hurt her." She coughed to cover the awkward choking that marred her breath. There would be no tears, not this time. She cried every time she came here. She would not cry today.

Virginia pat her shoulder. "What are you confused about, Regina?"

Regina looked up, snapping back to attention. What kind of a question was that? "How I could have done this. What was I thinking? And don't say it was because I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I was in my head somewhat. I didn't really make a _choice_ the first time - the first - kiss - but I did after that. _I_ made a choice. And now I can't remember why I did or why I thought it was worth it." She frowned as she realized what she said. "No, not worth it. Because I never - I knew what would happen if I started taking from - and - I just - I did it anyway. I didn't want this end. I made a choice. I don't understand."

Her phone chirped and she looked down to see another pleading text from Mal, insisting that she knew Regina was on leave and to come to New York to talk. She groaned to herself. This wasn't the first. Hell, this wasn't the first of the day. Mal seemed to think they were in the middle of a fight instead of a permanent separation of lives. Sometimes the texts and phone calls were angry, sometimes they were pleading, sometimes apologetic but they were constant. Regina never answered them, but she was beginning to wonder if she was in danger of running into Mal at Granny's again.

She saw Virginia and Ivy exchanged a look, so Regina forcefully shoved her phone back into her pocket.

Also - who the hell was Mal talking to that was able to tell her that Regina was on leave? Ruby? How would she know that? Emma didn't even know that. No one knew that but her and the crones.

A few days ago Alfred had approached her with a wary trepidation that told her that while she didn't remember it, she had clearly done _something_ to this little man. He had tried to be nice but he had told her firmly and without question, that she was on leave to 'help you sort out whatever it is you are going through right now'. It had been humiliating enough without him giving her a mournful look before he left her office and saying, "Get your shit together, Regina" and then scurrying from the room like she might eat him.

Now she was just grateful for the time.

"Let's move on from all of this, shall we?" Virginia asked, sensing her mood changes.

Regina nodded once, stiffly and with a certainty that she did not feel, she strode into the healing room.

While Ivy did readings professionally for people out of this room, neither of the women did healings for anyone outside of their circle of friends. Regina never understood why. They were so good at it. When asked, Virginia mumbled something about tainted people.

She took a seat on the long plush massage table in the center of the room and sucked in a deep, unsteady breath. She knew why the women were insisting on her doing this each visit ( _'Your body has detoxed the Craft, now it's time to detox the darkness'_ ) but it felt like a kind of torture. Well, all of it except the blissful moment where they strengthen the barrier. Over the week it always weakened, making Regina itch but that moment was a blissful one. Eventually she was going to have to go without it but for now…

The room should have felt soothing. She was sure for most people it would. The stones that littered the room gave off a pleasantly warm hum. The tarot cards spread across the table seemed to whisper of quiet wisdom. The back windows were wide, letting in the warm rays of the almost-summer sun. Yet she hated this room.

This was the room where she willingly cut herself open and bled on the floor.

The women entered after her, already humming lightly, trying to get into the proper headspace for the cleaning that was coming.

"Come on, sweetheart." Virginia gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and Regina sighed. Emma was so upset about the fact that she was coming here, but she had to wonder if she still would be after she saw this.

She pulled off her shirt and her pants ( _'Skin to stone contact is very important, dear'_ ) and let herself rest back onto the table for a moment before slowly, grudgingly flipping over.

"Just relax," Virginia said, softly and affectionately rubbing her shoulders.

But Regina didn't want to relax. She didn't want to think about any of it. She didn't want to remember that this was her fault, that she was an adulterous bitch who had broken someone so good. She didn't want to know that she could barely use her Craft right now because she was so full of hate for herself and fear of herself that it blocked out everything else.

Not that she really forgot any of that for even a single moment.

How could she?

She was evil. You don't forget that.

She closed her eyes when the first hand touched her back. She cleared her mind and hoped that it would simply stay clear today.

But it didn't.

The twin crones began to hum together, their hands traveling over her skin, leaving tingling trails behind them and she felt her mind begin to open.

Her thoughts flowed lazily.

There wasn't enough space for all of them at Granny's Inn. Bonnie was getting so big, so fast and Regina worried that the little girl would fall over the edge of the bed while they slept. As a matter of fact, she couldn't relax unless her arms were tightly around the girl, but Bonnie didn't like sleeping that way.

God, their little girl was getting big so quickly. They all were getting big quickly. Henry was taller than her now. Emma had always said that his biological father was somewhat tall, almost six feet but clearly Henry was going to surpass him. She wondered if Oliver would be tall. She and Emma were both perfectly ordinary heights, but there was always the wildcard of Emma's unknown parents. Were they tall? At the moment, Ollie was small for his age but that didn't mean anything at an age so young. He was actually very small. Standing next to Mal the boy had seemed like the littlest dwarf.

Was she going to miss him growing up? Would she never know if he ended up small or tall? No, she supposed even if Emma decided to go after sole custody she would still - see them... right? They were her children. She had to be able to see them.

Sole custody.

A custody battle of any kind sounded like a horrible thing. Months, maybe years of struggle and fighting.

Could she do it? Could she enter that type of battle with Emma? The kind that would make her see a complete stranger in the eyes of the woman she loved? The kind that would make her see the hatred she had seen the other day?

Emma hadn't been willing to look into her eyes for weeks, not since the morning that Emma discovered her and Mal. She didn't think Emma even realized she was doing it. Still the avoidance had torn at her, making Regina want to grab her and scream 'please look at me, I love you!' But that...that would have meant she would have had to force herself on Emma and she couldn't. She had stayed back as much as possible. Emma didn't deserve to have her shoved on her.

So when Emma had finally looked up, her piercing green eyes wet and tormented, it had nearly killed Regina to see the hate there. Emma absolutely loathed her now.

Would that hatred spawn a...oh god, a divorce? Would she seek full custody?

She deserved it. Emma deserved a divorce. She deserved to surgically remove Regina from her life. She deserved to find someone better. On their first date she had wondered if she was worthy of someone so good. She had known then that she wasn't. She still wasn't.

Plus they had two boys and a girl. Was _she_ really the example she wanted to set for Bonnie about how she should be treated? Did she really want to tell her boys that _this_ was an acceptable way to treat the person they loved?

What was going to happen now?

The question was haunting her days and swallowing her nights. She had to know. It had been weeks now and Emma still showed no sign of readiness to talk. She had been doing her best to give her that space, it was her right, but she thought she might implode soon.

She just needed to know. Should she look for a place? It was true that 108 had been her home long before Emma had moved in but she could give it up. No, she would want to give it up. Emma and the children shouldn't lose their home because she was a foolish _idiot_. How would they handle the kids if they were going to do shared custody? Carting them back and forth? That was terrible. Perhaps she would be willing to discuss some type of renovation to the house. Perhaps they could add a cottage in the back that connected to the house in some way with a separate entrance. Perhaps she would suggest that - when - when they talked.

How long could she wait for that? How long could she walk into that house and smile and put on a brave face and act like this wasn't _killing_ her? How long could she hold it together there? She didn't think she had much longer.

A flash of fury ripped through her and she heard Virginia yelp. God, she really was a selfish shit, wasn't she? ' _How long could she keep it together_ '? This was not about her. It didn't matter if she could keep it together. She would not let her children see her as the mess she clearly was. She would not allow Emma to know the pain she felt over all of this.

When you cheat you do not get to cry when you lose everything.

But she had to know. She couldn't do it. She had to know, she-

She sat up with a huff, throwing the hands off of her. "All right, I get it. I need to force Emma to talk to me."

"It's been long enough, honey. I think you both need to talk."

She scoffed, trying to cover her plain, open and exposed terror.

Was this really what had to come up right now? Of all things.

She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to see Emma's face after she asked her if she still wanted to be married to her. She didn't think she could stand it. How was she supposed to sit across from Emma, the woman she loved, and listen to her as she said no, she didn't want her anymore.

"You never know, Regina. If you do it today then perhaps you will be back in your own home by tonight. I don't know." Ivy said, rubbing her arm. "I don’t know because Emma doesn't know yet but you can't continue on this way, right?"

But Regina didn't want to. If she knew anything for sure it was that she didn't want to have that talk.

Because Virginia was wrong. There was no chance that she would be back in her bed by that night. There was no chance of that at all.

There was, however, a good chance that by the end of that talk Regina would be a future divorcee.

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Regina**

* * *

Regina checked her outfit in the mirror again and groaned. This wasn't right either. The problem was that most of her clothes were still in her closet... in her home... with Emma and her children. She only had what she had quickly packed that day and while it would be helpful to bring more of her clothes to the inn, perhaps a bag per visit, she refused. She would not, _could not_ , move fully into this room. She absolutely refused. She was going to be back in her own home eventually. Oh god, she hoped she would be back in her own home eventually.

Maybe tonight, a small torturous voice whispered her unspoken hope. Virginia had gotten into her head and now, damn it, now she was hoping.

She supposed she would find out soon.

She straightened her slacks again and frowned.

Hopefully, she would find out soon.

She pulled out her phone and selected the proper contact.

 

Emma hadn’t picked up the phone. She hadn't expected her to. Emma hadn't picked up the phone for her in weeks. Regina had eventually taken the hint and began setting up all things with the children either in person or with Henry as a messenger, when _he_ was speaking to Emma that is.

She would have been surprised if Emma would have agreed to talk even if she had picked up the phone. Regina couldn't blame her. But it had to be done.

So she had decided she just needed to _go_. Before she thought too much about it. Before she gave in to her fear.

She was supposed to remain calm, that was the only way the barrier would hold, but she was nothing that resembled calm right now. Her fingers shook, her mouth was dry, her heart was dancing wildly in her chest.

Hopefully, Emma was going to speak to her. Really speak to her. Finally.

The thing was, she had no idea would be said when she pried Emma's lips open and that was terrifying.

* * *

 

She marveled at how badly her stomach was unpleasantly churning as she clacked between the manicured hedges of 108 and up the walk.

She was doing her best not to hope that, despite the fact that she did not deserve it, perhaps she could be welcomed back into her life with her family.

She remembered the look on Emma's face the last time that Regina had tried to talk to her as she stepped between the pillars and into the shade of her porch. Emma had looked both like she wanted to vomit and she wanted to scream.

Regina needed to remember that look. She needed to hold on to that. The rejection her logical mind told her was coming would hurt so much less if she remembered that face.

She would _not_ be in her own bed by tonight. She didn't deserve to be.

She could barely face Emma and she had a feeling until she could with ease, she would not be welcome back... she should not be welcome back.

Regina pressed the doorbell and listened to it sound all through the house. A beat later she could hear a small shuffling inside.

Her first thought was that Emma had a cold. Her nose was red and clearly running and her eyes were bloodshot. Her hair, which she had wrangled into a sloppy ponytail, was a mess and she looked as though she had forced herself out of pajamas only a few moments before.

She had opened the door, but said nothing, her face impassive. In the face of her silence, Regina wasn't exactly sure what to say either.

"Uhm," Regina squirmed. After ten years she knew this blank stare and she almost crumbled under its weight. Angry heat radiated off of Emma like the warning buzz of an electric fence, plainly advising Regina to keep her distance.

The last bit of hope Regina had previous had crumbled. This was not going to be easy.

"Hi." Emma finally spoke. Even her voice sounded nasal and thick... and very cold. "What the hell are you doing here? The kids are at school."

"Are - are you all right?" Habitually her hand rose to feel Emma's forehead, but Emma flinched away.

Her hand dropped and she felt foolish.

"I'm fine."

"I - uh, I apologize." Regina stammered, cursing herself.

Emma's face didn't change.

"I'm here, Emma because..." She cleared her throat and tried to bury her shame so she could say it. "We need to talk. We have to."

Many things passed over Emma's face then. The first was a hot fury and for a second Regina was sure the thick wooden door was about to be slammed in her face. Emma's hand even closed over the handle as if preparing.

Then there was a swish of hurt followed by anguish so deep that it made Regina's knees shake.

This is your punishment, she told herself, look at that face and remember it. Remember that _you_ did that. That was all you.

"Why do you keep insisting on this?"

Regina sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, wincing when her engagement ring got caught in it, feeling karmic. "Because it's been a while now, Emma. I'm - I'm - we have to talk... for the children as well as for ourselves."

Emma snorted unkindly.

"Emma…"

Regina watched her coldly turn from her and walk back into the house.

She took a deep breath, tears beginning to surface. She didn't know if she could do this.

 

 

It still felt weird entering her own home as though she were a stranger - staying politely downstairs in the common areas - wiping her shoes so that she didn't track dirt across the carpet instead of removing them entirely.

She sniffed the air tentatively. There was no hint of the scent of that god awful canned soup Emma insisted on when she was sick. Still, there were a few tissues strewn here and there. There was no sign of medicine. Emma was always the worst when it came to taking her cold me-

Her stomach began to churn, cramping and twirling as Emma covertly tried to wipe her nose and Regina realized... Emma wasn't sick. Emma had been crying... a lot... and recently. She had surprised Emma by showing up like this; that much was clear. She hadn't seen Emma outside of moments where she was scheduled to see the kids... not since the day Emma had asked her to leave. She knew now that Emma prepared for those moments, cleaning herself up as best she could. Why hadn’t Henry told her? Or Ollie?

Oh god, she... god she was such a shit. What was she doing there? Why was she doing this to Emma?

Even in her ill-fitting jeans, even in their son's hoodies she had never looked this bad.

And this was her fault. All and completely her fault.

Emma had been crying over and because of... her.

Bile rose as Regina thought of that; bile and the same sick, disgusting hatred that she had been feeling for weeks.

She should turn around. She should leave. Emma shouldn't have to deal with her.

" _What_?"

Emma's defensive bark made her jump. Regina hadn't realized she was staring, but she could tell that her face was raw. She blinked and a few tears dropped onto her shirt, but she quickly turned away so Emma would not have to see them.

She couldn't handle Emma's anger.

She cleared her throat thickly and ran her hands through her hair again. God, every time that she thought she had reached the limit on how much she could hate herself, on how disgusting her actions really were she could turn a corner and find a whole new mountain of self-loathing.

Emma cleared her throat and Regina took a deep breath, needing all of her strength to turn and face that cold face again.

"Can we please sit down?"

It seemed as though Emma wasn't sure she wanted to comply. She stared at Regina's knees for a long time before Regina moved toward the table.

"I don't-" Emma had to clear her throat twice before she was able to continue. "I don't want to have this conversation. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to look at you. I don't want to do any of this."

That hurt. God, that hurt.

"I know,” she said, her voice a pained whisper.

Emma crossed to the small table as well, leaning heavily on the back of a chair instead of sitting. " _Why_ are you doing this then?"

"Because we have to, Emma. Please, we have to."

There was a sudden cracking burst of energy, a splintering sound and the chair in Emma’s hands crumbled to kindling.

Regina stared at Emma, shocked. She clearly had not meant for that to happen, not at all. Emma’s already pale face had turned ashen gray and her lips had twisted into a grimace.

She had never seen Emma lose control of her Craft before, not even for a moment. Emma didn't like Craft. Emma never used enough to have a buildup to cause something like what had just happened.

Emma didn’t give her a chance to comment on it. "It isn't right for you to just show up."

Hurt anger flared in Regina and her words were a little harsher than she meant for them to be. "Well, if you would just pick up the phone when I call then we could have _discussed_ it."

"I have every right not to pick up the fucking phone!" Emma burst, subduing the short moment of anger Regina had felt.

Regina's eyes fell to her lap. "You're right."

There was a very tense silence for a few moments before Emma finally spoke again. "I don't know if I can have this conversation with you."

Regina didn't know what to say so she said nothing.

Emma was looking at the broken chair like she wanted to do anything except give in and fix the damn thing, like she wasn't sure she could.

Regina wished she could help. She averted her eyes, the sick feeling high again and when she turned back Emma had fixed the chair and was sitting in it.

Slowly, as though it hurt her to do so, she watched Emma raise her eyes to her own.

There was so much hate there, so much betrayal and anger and for a moment, Regina felt a flash of pleasure. Good. Emma should hate her. She _absolutely_ should hate her.

Regina hadn't meant to, didn’t want to, but suddenly she burst into tears.

Emma's face hardened.

"Emma, I -" How did she say this? How did she express just how horrible she felt? There were no words, no way to say… "Emma, I am so sorry."

"Yeah." Emma sighed. "You've said."

"Emma. I - I can't believe myself. I - I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, you've said that too."

"Emma, please. Please, we have to talk about this."

" _Why_?" Emma suddenly yelled. "Why do we have to talk about this? Shouldn't _if_ or when or whether we talk ever fucking again be _my_ fucking choice? _I_ didn't cheat on us, Regina. _I_ didn't break our family."

She wanted the tears to stop but they just flowed harder. "I know. I know," she moaned. "If I could take it back - if I could -"

"Well, you can't."

Regina sniffed, reaching for a napkin and blotting her eyes. Where was that strong face she had been using? She needed it now more than ever.

She took a deep breath and closing her eyes. She forced a veil of cool over the raging, raw and bleeding nerves that were always so exposed these days... the nerves that Emma's cold glare seemed to grate against like shards of glass.

When she opened them again she knew she had herself under control.

She also knew that Emma hated it.

Emma's face puckered. "Does this not matter to you at all?"

She almost broke into tears again.

Oh my darling, it matters so much.

Instead of letting herself say that, she said, "We have to talk."

" _Riiiight_."

"Emma... I know I can never make up for-"

"I have a few questions." Emma's ice cold fury cut across her and she winced.

Questions. She didn't know if she could... But of course, you will you selfish shit. You will tell her whatever it is that she needs to know. "Emma-"

But that was as far as she got. Emma began to yell.

 

They fought long and hard. Well, perhaps fought was the wrong word. Emma screamed, ranting, calling her terrible names that lanced at Regina's insides. Emma accused and roared and Regina, wanting to rise to the occasion, but knowing she had no right to show any anger, sat and took it all, simply answering yes or no to the questions she could.

_Didn’t you care about us? Yes._

_Are you really this fucking selfish? Yes and no._

_Is she just more important than me? No._

_Do you have a fucking soul? Yes._

_Do you realize what you’ve done? Yes_

It wasn't until in a flash of fury, Emma's fists came down on the kitchen sink splintering in half, that shaken, she was able to calm herself.

They stared at one another for a long time, water spraying everywhere behind her.

"How was it?" Emma asked in a hiss.

" _What_?" She heard the crack in her voice and saw Emma smile a bit at her obvious discomfort.

" _How.. was.. it_?"

"I don't - I don't really know, Emma. I - I can't remember."

"Were you taking Magic again?"

"No." She hesitated. "But Mal was."

"And you were taking from her."

It took everything she had to whisper the answer. "Yes."

"Yeah. Okay." Emma stared out the window for a long time while Regina's stomach churned. "Did you feel guilty?"

"So very much."

"But you needed _it_ more?" She clarified, sitting down again.

"Yes. Almost immediately. I needed – I needed so many things."

"When was the first time? Before I knew she was here?"

"Oh no, Emma, no."

" _When_?"

"The day that - that Mal -" she waved her hand over her body and Emma seemed to understand.

"Do I need to get tested?"

That brought Regina up short. _Should_ Emma get tested? Should she? She hadn't even thought of that. "I don't know."

"I get the impression that Mal is willing to fuck just about anything so..."

Eyelashes fluttering in pain at the jab. "Perhaps we should both get tested. Though, there is a Working to keep yourself, um, healthy. So I don't think we need to worry."

"What about pregnancy?"

Regina hiccupped, trying to keep her tears at bay. "You need love to make a baby, Emma. There was no love there."

She looked up and found Emma looking out of the window again, batting at the tears which were falling too quickly for her to hide.

"Emma."

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

Regina had yelped, her fingers stinging. The moment her skin had touched Emma's wrist hoping to comfort, they burned as though they had touched the hot stove. "I'm sorry." She croaked and lightly began to cry again.

" _Why_ , Regina? Just... why?"

"I don't kno-"

"NO!" Emma's hand slammed on the table. "That is not acceptable! I deserve to know why!" It took a minute for Emma to settle again and when she did a black look of despair crossed her face. "Was it because of me? Because I couldn't be... because I... wasn't enough?"

"No. Never. No. It was only me. I - I think it just felt so good to be desired."

" _I_ desired you."

Regina didn't know what to say in response. She knew that Emma had desired her. She also had known that it didn't matter because Emma had thoughts elsewhere. Where had been the intimacy? Where had been the fun? Where had been the passion? The romance? This was no excuse at all, of course, but... can you really say someone desires you when they hold themselves back from _doing_ anything about it?

"Did you not want _me_?"

"I did!" she said quickly, and truthfully. "God, so much, every day, every time all I wanted was you."

"Then why didn't you – wh- I - I was here, Regina. I was right fucking here."

But there was no answer for that.

"It wasn't about the sex, Emma."

Emma glared. "No, it was about the Craft and the Magic."

She couldn't answer.

"Was it always about Magic?"

She thought she heard something hopeful in Emma's voice and was upset that she would have to dash it. "Not the first few times."

Emma whimpered.

"Yes. I think I would rather it be because I needed her essence too."

"You seem fine now." Emma was wiping quickly at her eyes again.

Shame washed through her as she had to admit why. "It's because of Virginia and Ivy. They put a barrier back in."

"So, you're not using it?"

"I am. But most of it is put away."

"So you can't feel the withdrawal."

The shame deepened. "For now."

"That's fucking convenient."

It took Regina a long time to continue forward. She had to work through the disgust before she could speak again. "What are we going to do?"

“I don’t know.”

“There are options. We could-”

They talked for a long time, never really getting anywhere.

It wasn't until an hour before the children were due home and Emma needed to pick up Bonnie from Mary-Margaret's that Regina finally asked the question.

"Emma. Do you want a divorce?"

The word made her spasm.

She held her breath, watching everything that passed over Emma's face.

"I don't know."

"Em-"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

How was she supposed to do this? She couldn't survive like this. She had to - "Emma, please give me another chance."

"Regina."

"I know that I don't deserve it. I have done something abhorrent. But-" her voice cracked, "I love you. I love you so much."

"You sure have a shit way of showing it."

"I know. But Emma, I do, I love you so much."

Emma pushed away from the table aggressively and began to pace.

That had been the wrong thing for Regina to say, but she couldn't stop herself. "I made a mistake, Emma. I – I..." She was crying again. God damn her to hell she was crying again. "Please. Don't ask me for a divorce. Please give me another chance."

"I can't, Regina."

"Emma-"

"I _can't_! All I do is think about you two together, right here under my nose. I just - it's all I see. I miss you. I _love_ you"

Hope filled Regina's chest and she held her breath.

"But that isn't enough.” Emma’s eyes were wild. “I _saw_ you. I sat there under the cabin window and watched you. And now... I can't even look at you."

"Why?"

" _Why_?"

"Why did you look?"

Emma shook her head, her eyes blinking too fast, her throat working. "I don't know. Because I had to see what was worth throwing everything away."

"Oh Emma, god. None of it was."

"And yet here we are."

"I know."

Emma stopped pacing to stare at her.

She couldn't look up. She couldn't look into her face. She just... she couldn't. She felt sick. She opened her mouth and it came out again. "Are you going to ask me for a divorce, Emma?"

"I - I don't know."

A dry sob ripped through her chest.

Oh god.

She wanted so much to reach for her, to touch her, hug her. She wanted to feel her in her arms. "Emma. Can I please, at least, come home?"

"No."

There was such a sense of finality to Emma's tone that Regina instantly knew she would not win this, but she still had to try. She was a selfish ass after all. "Not even if I stay in the guest room? Or what if we added a guest house in the back?"

"You mean like a little stone cabin?"

It was like a blow across the face.

Regina gaped.

"No, Regina. I need you... I need you over there. I can't... no. Until I know what I want, I need you to stay away."

"My life, my children, my wife, everything is here."

"Tough shit, Regina."

Ow.

"Look, I have to go."

"What?" They hadn't come to any conclusions at all.

"I can't - I can't look at you anymore, Regina."

"Emma," she sobbed.

But Emma was suddenly gone with a slam of the front door.

 


	35. Chapter 35

**Emma**

* * *

 

The house had already been off kilter. God, it had been so off kilter for so long that awkward and slightly uncomfortable had slowly become the new normal.

Mal had arrived, taking their normal household and tipping it on its side. The house dynamic had changed. Both Emma and Regina had changed. Then Regina had left - okay been kicked out - and the house had turned upside down. None of the children knew what to do about her absence. Nothing had worked the way it was supposed to.

But now... now even after a month since it had happened, Emma didn't know what it was. The house wasn't on its side, it wasn't upside down, it was just wrong.

Henry had been there since the day that they had moved in so many lifetimes ago.

And now he wasn't. Hadn't been.

It had begun to seem cruel not to just let him go and be with Regina. He hated Emma with every fiber of his being. He was miserable. He had been making everyone in the house miserable since his vow of silence a few weeks ago, even Bonnie.

The little girl loved her eldest brother, but though she was finally beginning to walk she could get no recognition from him. She would waddle her way over and he would just miserably push her away.

It was the same with Oliver. Though they had always fought, their boys had been close... until recently.

Once school had ended for the year shortly after his silent spell, it had seemed clear what was needed. So she had let him go.

He had packed at the speed of light making Emma's already sore soul sting all the more. He was gone before Ollie had really been able to process. She had worried that Ollie would want to go too, a momentary selfish thought. But when Henry had asked him Ollie had cowered, clutching his mother's hand and insisting, ' _No Henry_! We're supposed to live _here_.'

Henry had simply said something very rude and then disappeared.

Now she and Ollie were sitting on the couch for a late afternoon movie trying to pretend that everything was fine. This was something they did often now because… what else could they do?

But as usual they were doing a bad job.

They had put on Ollie's current favorite movie but neither were watching. They both were simply sitting and feeling the emptiness of the house and trying not to talk about it.

"Are you sure that you want to watch this right now, sweet pea?" Emma asked, trying not to fidget under the weight of the difference in the atmosphere that never seemed to grow more comfortable.

"Yes, Mommy." He said in a small voice, too small, it gave him away.

Bonnie shrieked and fell into her legs, giggling over her toy and they both jumped.

The character on the screen teetered and swashbuckled his way through a few more shenanigans before Ollie spoke up again. "Mommy?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think it's always going to be like this now?"

He had broken their unspoken rule not to discuss it and Emma couldn't do it.

She couldn't just sit here aching for her former life back, feeling the huge voids where Regina and Henry should be.

She was barely making it through.

"You know what, kiddo?” She offered instead of answering. “Maybe we should go to Granny's."

"Granny's?" His little button nose scrunched. "But it's not Granny's day."

In truth, their weekly meal at the local diner hadn't exactly been observed since Regina had moved out almost two months ago, especially in the last weeks.

"That's okay though, right?"

He seemed to need a moment to think about this before his face brightened a little. "Yeah!"

"Okay then!" She cried with all of the cheer she could muster. "Go get your shoes on, buddy!"

"Okay!" He scrambled off the couch and bolted toward the hallway.

This was a good idea. They could not just sit here any freaking more.

Grinning, she was about to suggest that perhaps they spend the weekend with Auntie Virginia and Auntie Ivy but a sandbag of despondent pain dropped on her. That's right. Just because she had fixed this moment did not mean it all was better. She still wouldn't have her children this weekend.

God, they needed to figure something out. Then again, perhaps she was only biding her time until Ollie would opt to move in with Regina as well. What would she do then? Should she also have over Bonnie at that point? Should she just surrender and give all of the children to Regina? Perhaps they should switch places. If Regina was going to have the most of their - all of their - children then maybe it should be _Emma_ living at Granny's so everyone else could return to their rightful places.

God, that thought…. sucked.

She wrapped her arms around herself, swallowing rapidly to keep the sudden sharp tears back and almost choked on them instead.

Oh well. Another weekend with her books.

"And how about you, princess?" She swung Bonnie off of her feet, enjoying the giggles that fell from her. "Do you wanna go?"

The little girl nodded and Emma forced a wet laugh. She knew she had no idea what she was agreeing to, but she was happy to agree.

"Where are your shoes? Do you know? Where are they?"

Bonnie looked around and then pointed to the hallway.

"Good girl!" God, with all of this trouble she was forgetting to watch her little girl grow up.

A single pair of feet came running back toward her and she had to stifle a moment of nasty, dark hate again. If Regina had been a better wife... her son would still be here.

"Okay! Let's go!"

 

She and Ollie pushed Bonnie's stroller together as they walked toward the center of town and as they went Emma tried hard not to frown. She had started noticing something at about the time Henry had left. People were looking at her. A lot. People were looking at her and then whispering behind their hands or passing her pitiful looks. People were giving her sad 'keep your chin up' smiles and on occasion crossing to her and softly touching her arm. As a matter of fact, the only people who _weren't_ doing that were her closest friends and much to Emma's surprise, Henry's soccer coach.

She supposed she should have expected the extra attention. It wasn't as though people wouldn't eventually notice that Regina, and now Henry, were living at Granny's, but somehow she hadn't and their looks tore at her nerve. It was the reason she had spent the past month avoiding the outside as much as possible.

Why couldn't they figure out that letting her know they were aware of this... thing they were going through... that _she_ was going through, was not helpful or supportive. It just sucked and it was just embarrassing.

"Okay, hold onto the stroller while we cross the street."

Oliver rolled his eyes in a very Henry-like way. "I know!"

Emma frowned, she supposed he did. God, he was growing up right under her nose too. As a matter of fact his seventh birthday was coming up in the fall, wasn't it? Shit, she was going to have to talk to Regina about that soon. Summer had come when no one was expecting it and then autumn would come and their boy would be one year older.

"Mrs. Mills! Emma! Mrs. ... Emma!" They all stopped at the corner and looked around.

"PONGO!" Ollie squealed and ran at the dog, who instantly began barking and chasing his own tail in anticipation of the love he was about to receive.

Emma watched her son wrap his arms around the dog and wondered for just a moment if maybe they should get one now. They never had because Regina wasn't an animal person but maybe now was the time. Or was that the kind of thing you weren't supposed to do? All the books said don't make big decisions, don't cut your hair, don't do anything really until you are back on your feet and settled.

"Hi, Archie." Emma mustered up a smile.

He caught up to her a little out of breath, clearly having tried to chase her down for a while.

"Mrs. Mills. Hi!"

"It's Emma, Archie, you know that."

"Right, sorry."

Her fingers drummed on the stroller handle. "What's up?"

"Look, I just wanted to say that if there is anything I can do for you, anything at all, please just let me know, okay? If you ever want to talk-"

She went from pleased to see him to instantly wary and reserved. Panic began to bubble in Emma's throat. She didn't want to have this conversation. She didn't want to see that look on his face. It was all very nice of him and everything, but she didn't want it. Why couldn't people just leave her alone?

"I uh, thanks, Archie. Err, Ollie! Come on! I gotta go."

"Emma!"

But with a small apologetic smile over her shoulder, she crossed the street and into the diner as fast as she could.

 

It only got worse once inside.

The diner was full, dinner patrons all laughing and talking, but there was an audible hush the moment she stepped through the doors.

 _Why_ had she ever decided to move to a small town? Was it quiet now because they had all been talking about her and her family? That was unrealistic but... it kind of felt that way. It was like the dream where you realize you’re standing at the blackboard naked.

Were they all staring or was that just her imagination?

Oliver, who clearly was sensing something, took her hand nervously and sank behind her thigh. "Mommy?"

Ruby approached shooting a glare around the room, and a handful of people jumped, getting the message and turned back to their food.

"Hey, Em."

"Hey," she answered a bit breathlessly.

"Just the three of you? No Henry?"

The deep sadness that Emma was drowning in at all times these days seemed to grow even deeper, fathomless and dark.

"He uh, he moved in with Regina."

"Oh. I've seen him but I thought -" Ruby's surprise was poorly hidden. "Oh, Em, I'm so sorry."

She cleared her throat. "So, uh can we get a table?"

"Yeah! Sorry, yeah, let's,” Ruby glanced around, “let’s put you in the uh, in the back."

"Out of the _way_ , girl, out of the _way_."

Eugenia pushed Ruby out of the way and grasped Emma's shoulders. Coming up so fast that Emma flinched a little.

"I've been meaning to come see you." Eugenia sighed.

Panic was still on the rise. She just wanted to sit down and eat with her kids... well, most of her kids. Eugenia was a good woman, a strong powerhouse of a woman, and Emma loved her a lot. She even would have happily had this talk with her; but maybe if it were in private because Eugenia was steadily getting old and a little deaf. She thought she was whispering to maintain Emma's privacy, but in reality, she was speaking clearly so the entire restaurant could hear.

And they sure as hell were listening.

"Hi, Eugenia, how are you?" She said in a high, rushed voice. "I've been meaning to come see you too, actually. Maybe we should agree to meet tomorrow and talk." She was trying, but Eugenia was lost in her own thoughts, obvious anger on her face.

"It was that woman, right? The one with the flask. Yeah, I saw her and I thought you know, that doesn't seem right. She had your wife acting a fool every time I saw them together."

Mortification was filling Emma. It was almost as though she could feel each ear turning to her. Then a worse humiliation sank in. _Every time_ she saw them? How many times had she seen them?

She glanced at the table nearest to them and saw the light of curiosity on the patrons faces, clearly wondering the same thing.

"Mommy!" Oliver shouted, suddenly excited.

Emma’s eyes jerked up from the scuff on the floor she had been studying. Over Eugenia's shoulder, Emma could see Regina, Henry, and Penny Clark coming through the back door from the inn. Oliver began tugging on her arm, clearly going to ask if he could go over and say hello.

Emma’s eyes closed for a second, taking in a deep breath. Oh god, make it stop. Of course, Regina would get here right now... in the middle of... this…

The entire restaurant turned as one to stare at Regina who instantly froze, eyebrows high, eyes glancing around the room in surprised.

The drop of a pin could have been heard.

"Don't worry, Emma dear, she got my Ruby too, the stupid girl. I told her, a woman like that is no one to get involved with. Anyway, I heard the rumors and I was sure they were not true. I thought Regina would never do that, she loves her family too much.”

"Eugenia, I-"

“Then I remembered the day that she tore down the clock tower and I thought that maybe you never know with a woman like that."

Emma stared up at the ceiling, trying not to be there. The hisses and whispers around her were growing and she was sure she would melt into a puddle from humiliation. She wanted to climb under a rock, to jump into a hole in the earth; anything to disappear. She glanced back at Regina's scarlet face and instead of being pleased, Emma looked away the moment their eyes met as though the contact had burned.

"Gran." Ruby pulled on her arm lightly trying to shut the woman up. "Granny!"

"Let me finish, girl! Anyway, then I realized Regina was staying with us and then little Henry so it must be true. Well, I guess Henry isn't so little now, is he? Anyway. How are you holding up dear? Is there anything I can do for you?"

She wasn't holding up. God, she was barely getting through each day and this was not helping. Eyes were back on her, of course, the hissing still increasing and now spattered with a few moments of laughter.

Tears were huge in her eyes, blurring her vision, though not so much that those warm brown and absolutely mortified eyes across the room were obscured. In fact, they were all she could see.

She wished that Eugenia would let go of her shoulders. She wished Regina would stop staring at her.

Her face was burning.

She had to go.

She could _feel_ every set of eyes on her like needle pricks.

"I uh," she glanced around and _saw_ every face turned to her giving her a sad, sympathetic pout.

She _had_ to go.

"Eugenia, I have to - come on, Ollie."

"But Mommy!" He pointed at Regina desperately, pulling hard against her hand. "I wanna say hi to Mommy!"

She barely heard him as she turned, pushing him back out the door. She just needed to get away.

The stroller wheels caught on the doormat and she cursed, feeling her humiliation rise. She thought that Eugenia was trying to help her as she grunted and shoved, but she wasn't sure. She could hear Ollie outside, very upset.

Finally, she popped free and hurried down the steps.

"But I wanna say hi to Mommy! And we didn't eat! I'm hungry!"

She looked up from the stairs she was navigating and saw that Ollie’s little angry face was hard. That did it.

Emma burst into tears.

Which terrified her son.

His angry face dropped, his eyes suddenly huge and frightened.

"Oh sweet pea, I'm sorry!"

"Emma!"

Oh god, that was all she needed. She pushed the stroller but a wheel was caught sideways.

"Emma!" Regina pushed through the door and stumbled when she saw the scene before her.

Emma needed to get out of here. Panic was high in her chest and she thought she might be sick. The pull of fight or flight was strong right now and it was screaming at her to run, to get the fuck out and away from the prying eyes that she could now see peeking through the blinds of the diner.

"Emma, I'm so-"

"Ollie, stay with Mom, okay?"

Before she heard her now tearful son's response, she turned, leaving the stroller in front of Regina and started down the street. She started walking quickly at first and then broke into a run when the tears and the panic would not abate.

She slammed through her front door playing the stupid faces of the patrons over and over in her head, a sick carousel that she couldn't stop. She felt like she needed a shower. She stormed into the kitchen simply because her legs wouldn’t stop moving.

The tears were thick and hot and try as she might she couldn't get them to stop.

She couldn’t get a deep breath.

 _Everyone_ knew.

The entire town knew.

If they didn't before, then they did now.

God damn Regina.

The front door flung open and Regina marched in, looking equally sick.

Emma groaned.

"Emma."

She didn't want to talk to her. She didn't want to look at her. Oh god, please just make her go away. It all just made her feel worse. She began to pace.

"Emma, I'm so sorry. I know that Eugenia meant well."

Emma ignored her. "Where are my children?"

"I left them with Ruby. They are fine. They are eating. Emma. Please talk to me. You're so upset-"

"Of course I'm upset! You were there! Everyone was looking at _me_ , thinking about how pathetic I am. There goes Sheriff Mills. She's so dumb that the entire town knew her wife was fucking someone else before she did."

"Emma, they were just-"

"God, why are you here, Regina?” Emma’s head dropped, her hands resting on her knees. “Please, go away."

"You were upset. I’m here because you are upset." Regina said it as though this was an obvious answer which, she supposed at one point it would have been. A wife was supposed to make it better, right? So what happens when the wife is the source of the problem?

Emma scoffed in response.

"Look, Emma, this is why we need to talk. A real talk where were come up with a plan. So we know how to handle these situations. I didn't know if you wanted me to step in or if I should leave it alone. I didn't know wh-"

"Are you _really_ turning this into a reason why we should talk? Are you really that selfish?"

"It is _not_ selfish to think that we should talk, Emma!"

But Emma could see in Regina's face that she thought it was. Which wasn't true. Emma was being selfish by refusing. She knew that. She just couldn't... even though she needed the talk just as much.

Not after that. The tears started again and she angrily wiped them away.

"I've been letting it go! I've been letting you hide away and ignore all of it! Emma, we need to talk."

"Fuck off, Regina!"

Regina was clearly stunned. Even Emma was stunned. She had never done something like that before. She had never lashed out like that. Yes, she had said those words before, but she had never really meant that quite as venomously as she just had.

And it clearly pissed Regina off. A fire crackle to life in Regina’s eyes.

"You can't simply _refuse_ to talk to me about this, Emma! You can't! I fucked up! But I'm part of this too and you can't just simply refuse to move forward in any way."

Fury like nothing she had ever felt before washed through her. Instantly her vision began to throb, her stomach churned and she let out a bestial snarl. "You want to talk to me?" she said in a hiss so dark that the light overhead sparked. "Fine." She reached through thin air and suddenly in her hand was Regina's signature red lipstick. "Here," she cried, her voice picking up in volume. She reached forward and ripped open Regina's blouse, popping buttons and not caring at all. She held the lipstick out for her. "Here. Take off all of your clothes and write 'I'm a fucking cheating idiot' across your breasts." When Regina just watched her, Emma seized her hand and slammed the lipstick into it. "DO IT! Write it and then walk naked down Main Street like that. Because THAT is how I just felt knowing that each and every person in that diner knew about this, knew this about me! That is what it just felt like! That is what this WHOLE THING feels like! So write it. Please! Write it and go for a walk and _then_ we'll talk."

She turned away because she couldn't look at her, not for another stupid second. She hated being the reason for the pain in Regina's eyes and she hated even more that she cared at all.

She needed to calm down. A haze of white was appearing in the corners of her vision and while she had no idea what that was, she had to assume it wasn't good.

She counted to ten. Then did it again.

"Look, will you please just g-" her words came to a sudden stop, shocked out of her.

Regina was standing behind her nude, using the small mirror on the refrigerator to write the words across her body.

"What are you doing?"

Those broken eyes swept to hers. "What you asked me to." Regina’s voice was even as she answered.

Emma scoffed. "Yeah right." But it was a knee jerk response. Her mind wasn’t processing what Regina was doing.

Regina didn't respond, just continued smearing her body with the lipstick.

"Regina." She made a grab for the lipstick, but Regina yanked it away, a few tears trickling down her face.

"No,” Regina said evenly.

"Regina! I'm not actually going to let you do that. I didn't mean-" She reached for Regina's hand which was stretched behind her, accidentally pinning Regina to the side of the fridge. "Regina! Stop it!"

Still Regina wouldn't surrender the lipstick.

"No, Emma!"

Emma knew this woman. She knew by the set of her face that if she let her go, she would continue writing on herself and she would take that walk. For a brief second Emma considered letting her do it, letting her see what humiliation really felt like. Letting her understand why she had been hiding away so much.

"Give me the lipstick. I didn't mean it." She said quietly, her head hanging in defeat. She couldn't let her do it. She was the center of the gossip just as much as Emma was - perhaps even more.

"No, Emma!"

"Why?"

" _Because_ _I don't know how else to get you to talk to me_!" Regina shouted, tears exploding from her.

Emma paused, her eyebrows pulling together.

"I don't know what to do to make you forgive me!"

She could smell her skin.

She could see each little flashing movement those beautiful eyes made.

She could feel the momentary comfort that could be offered to her if she could just let go and let Regina's arms wrap around her, despite the fact that she knew what would follow was more pain.

"Emma, I…" Regina's teary red lips said her name with such sadness, such misery, her face crumpling as she let out a sob.

Emma didn't want to hear her apologize again, not right now; not standing naked and smeared with that bloody red in their kitchen.

So she kissed her.

She hadn't meant to. She just couldn't stop it.

They both whimpered as their lips met, Regina's arms instantly spidering around Emma's neck while Emma's closed around her naked waist.

She wasn't thinking. It just felt so god damned good to feel her wife. She needed to feel more of her.

She ripped off her clothing, Regina's arms never breaking their hold and as soon as their skin could touch she buried her face in Regina's neck, lost, feeling Regina's lips across her temple, down her cheek searching for Emma's.

She gave them to her, feeling momentarily secure with her face between Regina's palms.

She kissed her with every breath of passion she had ever felt, kissing her until Regina was whimpering. Then she began to touch her.

Over her breasts.

Across her cheeks.

Down her stomach.

They cried silently as their bodies came together, each touching the other with the experience that could only be found in matrimony.

They brought one another up and down, up and down, locked together.

And for a moment, Emma forgot.

 

Emma was the first to roll away, her body still shaking from her climax.

They had settled on the living room couch and the moment that she pulled away the spell was broken.

Shit, that had been such a bad idea.

Feeling sick, she let her head drop into her hands.

"Hey." Regina softly touched her arm, but Emma jumped, burned.

What had she been thinking?

She had felt better... for a minute... but now. The sick was bubbling in her stomach, thoughts of that moment between Regina and Mal were plaguing her, haunting her; whispering nasty words and sounds at her.

"Emma." Regina was still lying naked on the couch, a peaceful smile on her face. She rolled over and tried to put her head in Emma's lap.

Emma stood. She was feeling that panic again. The need to get away.

She just needed a few minutes alone. God, what had she been _thinking_?

"That was a mistake," Emma said, her breath coming tight in her chest. She looked back at Regina and all she could see was that half-lidded, transfixed face that she had worn as Mal drove into her.

"What?" Regina had gone slightly pale.

"That was- we shouldn't - I shouldn't have done that."

She watched Regina's face which had a second before looked so clean and clear, crumple as she understood her.

"I see." Tears blossomed in Emma's eyes again as she heard the understanding in Regina's voice. "I should go."

"I have to go to the bathroom." Emma insisted and disappeared, unable to look at her naked body anymore.

She thought she had been embarrassed before.

She rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind her.

She was disgusted. Disappointed in herself. Sick.

She let out a gasp as she remembered the vile words Mal had spoken to her half-conscious wife.

From the living room, there was a wail of pain that brought Emma to her knees, racking her in sobs like she had never felt before, so fast and so hard that she couldn't breathe.

Her forehead fell to the door she had just come through. Her fists clenched tightly. Her whole body shook.

All she wanted was to go through it and crawl back into her arms. And that was something she could not - would not allow herself to do - ever again.

There was silence outside of the bathroom until, from the front hall, she heard the front door click closed.


	36. Chapter 36

**Emma**

* * *

 

In a way things were worse now, tense and awkward. The first time they saw one another post _the sex,_ they had simply stood across from one another, frozen in the foyer and unsure of what to say. Their eyes had uncomfortably darted to the other one and away every few seconds, their mouths opening to speak and then closing again as they struggled. It was clear that neither really wanted to face the other one and whether out of embarrassment, sadness, or anger, they simply decided without ever discussing it that... they wouldn't. The first visit was awkwardly detached, the second a little more and by the third a new pattern began. Suddenly they were _acting like_ separated wives.

Every other night Emma would feed the two remaining children dinner and then would go about her household duties while Regina spent time with Ollie and Bonnie, Henry absent. They said very little to one another, but what they did say was stiffly polite and always about the kids.

Actually, maybe the truth was that things were easier now. They could talk... kind of. They sent text messages back and forth about the children's schedule and any complications. They _did not_ speak of their mistake and they did not speak about themselves as a couple.

Instead, Emma got Bonnie and Ollie ready on Friday afternoons and Regina would appear, give a polite, no eye contact nod to Emma and Emma would give her a-hands-in-pockets shrug. Regina would then load up with the bags and Emma would help strap Bonnie into her car seat, as polite as can be. Regina would somewhat stiffly tell her of the plans for the next few days or if anything had happened with Henry. Emma would nod and thank her for her consideration and information. Regina would nod again and then when they couldn't handle the awkward tension anymore, Regina would get into the car and leave.

God, as much as Emma hated to say it... it _was_ easier like this. Both of them knew what was happening with their children at all times. They had a way to communicate now. And there was no pressure to talk about _them_ – the elusive and nauseating _them_ because it was clear that neither wanted to.

Emma began to fall into the swing of things and it was only late at night after reading her books and sleeping in her bed - which felt so large and empty - that Emma would grow lonely and worry about what this new approach meant for them.

It had been easy not to worry much before because they had been sitting stagnant, not moving backward or forward. But they were definitely moving now. Whether they were moving backward or forward was hard to say. She supposed it depended on what she wanted as an end result.

Either way Emma found a new normal.

And with the new normal came new thoughts.

 

She had spent the last hour and a half at Costco, though with two people out of the house she wasn't sure why. The toilet paper didn't go half as fast and there was no need to stock up on food in bulk since her teenage vacuum was vacuuming at Granny's now.

She loaded in the car and then with a high five she and Ollie headed to their last errand, clothing shopping for Ollie.

His hair had grown past shaggy now and was almost to his shoulders. Honestly watching him flit between the stacks of clothes in the little girls section didn't seem to surprise anyone anymore because these days he genuinely looked the part.

The daily spasms of pain in Emma's chest were finally beginning to lighten. She wasn't thinking about Regina any less - or Mal - but her new no contact stance with her wife seemed to make it easier for her to push the pain away.

Still, watching Ollie dig through a rack of dresses, Emma felt a spasm so sharp that it made her gasp and clutch her chest. He had gone right back to his preferred way of dress the moment that Mal had left their house but...

She had a feeling that she was going to have to address this soon, just to find out if there was anything new on the Ollie-likes-dresses-and-long-hair front. Did he still want to be called her son?

The thing was, shouldn't Regina be part of that conversation as well? She always had been in the past. They had been very important moments.

Ollie squealed happily as he pulled out a skirt that he liked and ran over to the mirror to look, shoving his hair out of his eyes as he went.

Emma was beginning to think she needed to teach Ollie how to handle his hair, which while chestnut like Regina's was beginning to curl like Emma's. Perhaps, though he was young, the time had come to begin to teach him slowly of products and curling techniques but would his other mother feel she should be involved? _How_ could they do that?

This shit was complicated.

They needed to start thinking about Ollie's birthday too. Perhaps they could talk about this then as well.

Ollie came skipping back to her with a giant grin on his face and holding a very cute blue and white polka dot dress.

 _Crap_.

Emma took a deep breath and held it for a moment, thinking quick.

She and Regina had originally agreed that Ollie could wear girl's clothes as long as it wasn't as feminine as dresses. Storybrooke could handle flats and blouses but dresses seemed to cause problems.

And he knew that.

She bent down to his level and sighed. "Ollie, do you remember when we let you wear a dress to school before?"

He nodded, his face already clouding over. He looked so disappointed at the ‘no’ that was coming that Emma couldn't say what she had planned. She opened her mouth and instead came, "Do you understand that if we buy that for you, then people might not be nice to you? Like last time?"

He nodded, his little brown eyes that looked so much like his mother's suddenly looking older and wiser. "They don't understand me."

She kissed his cheek. "And that's their loss."

He smiled a little.

"Do you really want the dress?"

"I want to be pretty, Mommy."

She caressed his cheek and sent out a silent prayer for her child. "You are pretty, sweet pea."

They joined the checkout line with the dress, a headband, a new pair of sparkly flats, a pair of sneakers, more leggings, some jeans, a handful of tee shirts, a few blouses, and a cardigan for when school began.

She was changing a rule that she and Regina had established but maybe that was just how it would be from now on. Emma was missing out on Henry's life, left out of a large chunk of the decision making, and Regina was left out of it for Ollie and Bonnie.

Emma's stomach boiled thinking about it.

"What do you want to do for dinner?" she asked him as they stood waiting.

"Can we have it with Mommy?"

"Not tonight, sweet pea."

"But we have to go pick up Bonnie, right?"

She stroked his head and avoided his question. "Let's do something different. Do you want to make pizzas?"

"No, soup! Lets - AAWK!"

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" A woman had come out of nowhere, barreling into Emma and nearly knocking she and Ollie to the ground.

"It's all right. Are you okay?" She asked, pulling the blonde up.

The woman was slightly breathless for just a moment as Emma lifted her one handed with no concern.

"Yeah, uh, yeah. Sorry."

She began gathering her things off the floor and feeling a little stupid, Emma dipped down to help, distinctly fuzzy headed. What was wrong with her?

"I love my children," the blonde sighed, "but I'm pretty sure that they are trying to kill me most of the time."

The littlest one, the one she had clearly tripped over, frowned and apologized again in a squeaky voice.

"It's a secret plot." Emma said and then felt all the more stupid. "My youngest likes to get underfoot as well."

"Anyway." The woman huffed, eyes wide and offered her hand. "Emily."

"Uh hi. Emma."

"Oh, that's such a cute little dress!" Emily pointed out Ollie's blue and white polka dot.

"I get to wear it when I'm at home!" Ollie chirped, sounding much more his age than he normally did.

"You do?" Emily laughed.

Emma's nerves steeled, ready to defend her son as she saw comprehension flash over Emily's face, but Emily only said, "That dress will look so pretty with your hair!"

Ollie beamed.

“Did you hurt yourself?” Emma asked, noticing her elbow was skinned.

“Nah, I’m okay.”

They began to talk about their children and the hazards of shopping with them as the line slowly moved.

It was nothing important and yet when Emma got back into her car with Ollie securely in the back seat, she was troubled.

What was it?

The woman had been nice... very nice.. and attractive... hot even. Was it just that she was uncomfortable seeing anyone other than her wife as attractive? She was allowed to do that now, right? Separations usually involved dating, right? Or was that _separating_... not separation? Was there a difference? And if there was, then which were they doing?

But that wasn't what was bothering her, was it? No, it had been something else. She didn't figure it out until they were home and the groceries had been put away.

The woman had been _hot_. Like... _really hot_. Her hair had been short but fluffed into a subtly cute puff, her jeans had been low riding and appropriate, her tank top slim and flattering. Her makeup hadn't been heavy but it had been there, warming her eyes and her cheeks, and when Emma had been helping her to her feet she had caught a whiff of perfume. …But she had also had four kids with her, all which looked too much like her to not be her kids. Feeling unsettled, she glanced in the mirror that Regina had once used to write words across herself.

Her hair was all right, pulled back in the usual ponytail after the curls had been brushed out and hidden away. Whatever, that just showed that she had been busy this morning, which was true since she was a mom. She was always busy even sans one child.

Her shirt was fine, a typical if not slightly baggy tee. She had always filled it better when her muscles had been large and rippling but who had time for that kind of workout?

Her pants were also a bit too large. It wasn't that she had huge thighs previously or anything but they had been strong... but -

But that woman was a mom too... clearly.

And she had been hot.

Disconcerted she picked up her phone and sent a text message. "I could use a girl's night out next week. Any takers?"

Mary-Margaret, Belle, and Ruby all agreed.

* * *

 

She found herself paying more attention to women over the next few days, even more so when she knew they were also mothers.

Emma and Regina had laughed at first about the 'mom effect' but Emma was sure that they had both thought it inevitable previously.

So if that was true, then why did the woman over there have a newborn and yet sultry smoky eye makeup... or that woman have the ass of a god and twin toddlers?

Was this just the stupid influence of all the books or was it real?

She was beginning to wonder...

Regina showed up mid-morning and Emma couldn't help it, she studied her too.

She still hadn't gone back to her frumpy shapeless clothes. As a matter of fact, she was currently in a comfortable but professional sleeveless dress and heels.

Then again she only had a teenager on a daily basis.

"What?" Regina finally asked, a bit sharply and Emma jumped. She had been staring while she thought.

"Uh, sorry, zoning."

"Hi, Mommy!" Ollie was skipping down the stairs.

Regina's eyebrow rose and she turned ever so slightly to Emma.

Emma flushed. She had forgotten to warn Regina about the dress. "He uh, he really wanted it."

"Uh-huh."

Emma knew in the old days she would have called her a softie or made fun of her in some way. Now Regina just coldly nodded.

"Don't you think we should have _discussed_ this?" Regina's voice was dry, clearly trying to hide her annoyance.

Emma shrugged, feeling defiance rise. "You weren't there." Regina's mouth popped open, but Emma cut her off. "Sweet pea, can you grab your sister's bag from the living room, please?"

While he was gone Emma took the chance, "Listen," she said with her hands in her pockets and studying the banister in great detail. She wasn't sure how they were going to pull this off. "I’m sorry if you’re offended, but you weren't there. That's how it goes now, right? You weren't there, so I made a decision. He only gets to wear it when he's going to be staying inside... for now." She couldn't tell if Regna looked hurt or furious. "I'm not saying that we're not going to talk about it. But I talked to him about it and he understands there will be consequences. Either way, I think we need to talk to _him_ about it but, uh, not today."

"If something happens-"

"Well, good thing he will _be_ with his mother so she can stop it. _Moving - on_. We also have to talk about Ollie's birthday soon. I know you like to get a good head start."

"Oh yes, I suppose we do," Regina said, her anger quickly drowning under the awkward pressure and turning to formal politeness again.

"I got it!" Ollie scurried back to the foyer, pulling a teetering Bonnie with him.

"Yeah, so I'll email you?" Emma finished.

"Email. Yes, that is a very good idea."

"Okay, cool."

Emma cleared her throat, studying the banister again while Regina seemed to be appraising her purse.

"All right then. I will have them back Monday morning," Regina finally said with a nod.

"Okay." She kissed her kids and waved.

Email. That was how they would make this work. Email.

Yikes.


	37. Chapter 37

**Emma**

* * *

 

The Rabbit Hole was louder than Emma remembered and she was working hard not to be an old lady about it. She wanted to _talk_ to her friends. Maybe they should have gone somewhere else.

Plus, what _bar_ blasted country music? That wasn't being an old lady; that was just common sense.

"Does Regina have the kids tonight?"

Emma nodded stiffly and took that time to look around for a server. These were just facts in her life now, yet she still found them so hard to discuss with others, not that she had really tried. She had told no one that she still hated it when the children were gone. The house was too big, too silent. It left far too much room for thinking.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Belle asked, looking between them. "Oh, _Emma_. Does that mean -"

Emma chuckled a little, feeling a small swell of affection for her friend. _All_ of Storybrooke knew and they had for a long time, but Belle was always so busy with her nose in a book that she was constantly months behind on the local gossip.

Mary-Margaret leaned over to whisper and catch their friend up. Emma didn't really want to be a part of it, but she stopped her anyway. "I'll do it, I'll do it."

Mary-Margaret's eyebrows pulled together. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Emma sighed. "I mean, I'm right here and she basically already knows. Just.. ugh, let me get a drink."

She wandered to the bar knowing that she needed to fill in her friend and she might as well give all of them a first-hand account of the things they didn't know. She would need to by the end of the night anyway.

"What can I get you?"

"Um, Maker's straight."

He nodded and grabbed the bottle.

Emma glanced back at her table and was not completely surprised to see Belle, who could put two and two together, looking shocked and wiping a tear or two away.

"Hey, make that a double, please."

"To girls' night!" Mary-Margaret offered once they all had their drinks.

They clinked glasses and drank deeply.

"So." Mary-Margaret began.

"So." Emma sighed. "All right." Ruby gave her hand a friendly squeeze and a shoulder bump. Emma smiled and began to talk.

It was surprisingly easy to simply recite the facts. They didn't include any of the bloody emotions or hurts that went along with them.

When she was done everyone seemed to have drooped a little.

"And now she's staying at the inn?" Belle asked in a shaky voice, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to pour down her face.

"Yeah."

"Wow. I mean, when you came in looking for that from Rumple, I... well, I thought you were going to be wrong. You and Regina you're - you're the pillars that we all look up to - you - you always seemed so happy together -y ou" Belle yelped, much like someone had kicked her under the table... which was good because Emma was beginning to feel like she was drowning again. _Were_ they always so happy? She was beginning to wonder.

"And Henry?" Belle asked to cover her outcry.

This time Emma stumbled. "He uh," she cleared her throat and hoped that no one would comment on the squeak in her voice, "he just hated me so much after I kicked Regina out. He wasn't speaking to me. He was torturing his brother and sister. He wanted to be with Regina, so after a while I just let him go."

"Did things get better with him?"

"No. I haven't heard from him since then. Though, based off of a few small comments Regina has made, I think he's already getting tired of her too. Though I'm not sure, we're not really talking... either." Emma faded out, studying her drink. "So, yeah. He's not speaking to me because he's decided that whatever happened, it must be my fault."

"Emma..." Ruby hedged, "have you thought about telling him the truth? About why and what happened, I mean?"

Emma almost laughed. "Every day. But here's the thing. Regina and I might be separated or whatever but what it comes down to is that Henry loves Regina. I don't want to break his heart by telling him what she did."

Mary-Margaret, the only other parent there, nodded in understanding.

The group fell silent and out of awkwardness Emma finished off her drink and waved for another.

"Aaanyway.” Ruby started. I see that Henry and Penny Clark are spending an awful lot of time together."

"I have too!" Mary-Margaret laughed.

Emma shrugged. "Honestly I wouldn't really know."

Their smiles fell.

"Right." Ruby sighed. "Because he's staying with Regina."

In truth, she hadn't spoken to Henry in far too long. He didn't answer phone calls or text messages. It was killing her, but Henry wanted nothing to do with her. Where was the line? He was old enough to decide that he wanted space, but when did she step in and say 'I'm your mother and you have no choice'?

She didn't know.

She was so confused.

But she had never in his life gone this long without speaking to him. He was one of her best friends and she missed him.

"Yup." Emma's lip popped over the P. "But I am still far too sober for more of that conversation right now."

"Waiter, can we have another double?" Belle called.

Her friends were good ones, supplying her with drink after drink until she was feeling as relaxed as she was currently capable of.

"God, when was the last time I was here? I can't even fucking remember anymore."

"Well, you're a mom! You have a good excuse." Ruby shrugged.

"My gooood, I hate that excuse. She's a mom too and she comes!" Emma pointed at Mary-Margaret who shrugged.

"The last time I came here was -" She yelped loudly as if someone had kicked her now.

Emma looked around at their suddenly purposefully blank faces and remember. "Noo, it's all right. The last time you came here was when you saw my slutty-slutty wife. I know."

"Sorry, Emma." Mary-Margaret’s shoulders slumped.

Emma shrugged, trying not to feel the creeping depression. "It's all right, I mean, it happened. I just can't think about it here, you know. Like, I can't handle knowing that when I go up to the bar the guy there will have seen my wife that night... or any other night. It's like at Granny's that day-"

But Ruby cut her off, "Oh, my god, Em, I'm so sorry."

"No, no, it's all right. I love Granny. I know she was just trying to be sweet. What got to me though were the faces of everyone around me. _Everyone_ there knew what was happening."

"Well, that's Storybrooke for you."

Emma fell silent thinking. It was as though her friends could feel they were nearing what Emma had wanted to talk to them about. They all grew studious and silent.

She was feeling an odd disconnect at the moment, her mind fluttering over the words that she had been reading every weekend since it happened. "Do you guys think that cheating, I mean this type of cheating - married with children cheating - is a one-sided act?"

"What do you mean?" Belle asked, looking between the other women.

"I mean..." What did she mean? She sighed and let her head hang back on her shoulders for a second, unsure if she really wanted to discuss this with so many of them. "Do you think - I don't know, I've been reading a lot and... um -" she changed her thought midway. "You two have been in marriage-like relationships. Sorry, Ruby."

Ruby shook her head. "I was with Peter for years before he died, remember?"

"Right. Right. So... I uh, I know that most of you don't have kids or anything but - I dunno. Life gets in the way, right? Kids, school, carpool. It gets in the way and that's totally normal, right?"

Mary-Margaret's eyebrows drew together. "What are you asking us, Emma?"

She huffed and waved her hands for a third drink, finishing the one in her hand. She didn't know how to ask…

"Do you guys still do... stuff... for your guys... even after all of this time?"

They stared at her blankly.

" _Stuff..._ "

When their faces didn't change Emma just came out with it. "Sex stuff, guys, come on!"

"Oh!" Mary-Margaret jumped like she had received a pin in the ass. Ruby laughed her loud wolfish laugh and Belle flushed like the perfect lady she was.

"You mean, do they still do the super-hot, sexy, just for their significant other sex stuff that everyone does in the beginning or has time and in M.M's case, children, put an end to it?" Ruby asked.

"Uh yeah. Have things kind of become... routine? You too Ruby, before Peter died, I mean. And Belle, I know that you're not married but -"

"Oh, we're married." Belle insisted. "In our hearts. We don't really need the paper. We talked about it for a while but it's just not necessary for us."

"Riiiiight," Ruby said, trying to ignore that from their friend. Belle's naivety was an issue to discuss later. "Well, Pete and I were pretty young," Ruby admitted. "But yeah. I mean, it was less probably."

"Less? What uh, does less mean to you?" Emma began picking apart the napkin in her lap.

"Well." Ruby toyed with her cocktail toothpick thinking. “In the beginning it was a few times a day or so but by the end, it was every other day or so. I don't know, we never planned it but that is kind of what happened."

Emma's heart fell. Every other day. "What did you do? For him I mean. Did you still do, I dunno, the fun stuff?"

Ruby flushed, but we on unashamed. "Well. I used to do this thing where I would go to his shop not wearing any panties and then help him with the inventory so that eventually I would bend over just right and - well, you know." Ruby flushed as bright as her name suggested. "Or if we were going on a road trip and he was getting sleepy I would - you know - take it out."

"Like road head?" Belle asked, eyes wide. "I've always been too afraid that Rumple would crash!"

"No, more like just enough to keep him awake. Though it usually meant we pulled over at a rest stop," her eyebrows waggled playfully.

There was such a sweet, loving look on Ruby's face that everyone felt their heart sink as one. It was no wonder Ruby had never moved on to a new 'real' relationship. She had clearly already had her true love.

"What about you guys?" There was a knot forming in Emma's stomach as her worries were solidifying.

Mary-Margaret looked at Belle and then started to talk. "Uh, nothing like _that_. But yes. We still try for once or twice a week. Sometimes it's... a bit scheduled since we do have a toddler but not always. We just try to make sure it happens regularly. And when David is feeling really stressed or tired I'll - well, _you know_..."

"Blow him?" Ruby offered.

Mary-Margaret tisked. "All right, yes, blow him."

Emma's nose wrinkled.

"What?" Mary-Margaret cried. "He likes it! It helps and it keeps things kind of intimate. Plus it feels kind of... sexy. Oh and, uh," now she really did blush, "he has this thing...for princesses so - every now and then…"

"No!" They all cried.

"You dress up for him?" Ruby asked, her eyes huge and amused.

"Well..."

"Like _who_?" Emma asked, intrigued even though she was sure she didn't want to know the details.

"Snow White," she said in a very small voice.

Ruby's jaw hit the table. " _You told me that was in your closet because you didn't have space in your Halloween storage_! Ew, you wear that out every Halloween!"

"Well-"

" _I've hugged you while you were wearing it_!"

This lightened the mood considerably. Somehow none of them could keep a straight face when they thought of Mary-Margaret dressing up as Snow White for her husband's kicks.

"Does he dress up like Prince Charming?" Ruby asked, intrigued.

"Well…"

The table exploded into laughter making Mary-Margaret blush and slap at them.

They thought that was going to be the best until - "Belle?"

Belle had been surprisingly quiet.

"No way, I can't."

"Belle!" Mary-Margaret cried. "I told!"

"He's the _Mayor_."

"Belle!"

"He would _kill_ me."

"Oh come on." Emma pouted.

Belle looked around at her friends and seemed to give in. "All right, fine, but you have to promise."

"Promise." They chorused.

"Okay well, Rumple... has very specific tastes."

"Okay,” Emma frowned.

"He uh, well, he likes to - bemysubmissive." She said it all at once and then swallowed the rest of her drink.

"WHAT?" Ruby shouted.

“Shhhh!” Belle hissed. "It's nothing that serious. Just, you know whipping... trampling... CBT... wax... collaring."

They were speechless.

"Wait, wait, wait," Ruby stuttered, "you're afraid to give him _road head_ but you'll _whip_ him?"

"It's different! No one is operating a two-ton machine!"

"And this happens how often?"

"Oh, I don't know, once or twice a week in between normal sex."

"After all these years?" Emma asked, her stomach like acid.

"Yeah."

"And you're – you’re into that?" Mary-Margaret asked in a whisper, her eyes frozen and huge.

"Well, I wasn't at first, but yeah, it's fun. He _loves_ it and I love giving it to him because he loves it. It's what M.M. said. Intimate."

 _Intimate_.

This was exactly what Emma was afraid of.

There had been no intimacy.

They all sat back, quiet for a long time before Ruby turned to Emma. "Why do you ask, Em?"

"Speaking of Gold," Emma said with a shudder. "Do you know what favor he made Regina do after I caught her?" She just - she wasn't ready yet.

Belle looked surprised. "She didn't tell you?"

Emma scoffed. "We're not communicating very well these days."

"Right. He made her give him - I don't know - he filled this stone with some of her essence, I guess."

"What the hell did he want with that?"

"I don't know. Oh, it was so pretty. I haven't seen it around through so he definitely had some use for it."

Emma frowned.

"Hey Em, have you started thinking about dating again?"

Ruby's question completely threw everything else from her mind.

" _Dating_?"

"Yeah. Dating. You're separated. Regina... dated. Why not?"

Dating.

Did she want to fucking _date_?

* * *

 

The night had been a good one for the most part. They had spent a long time trying to think of other women in town that Emma could date and while she was sure she wouldn't date any of them. It was kind of fun.

They weren't out late but they were definitely fairly drunk when they left the bar.

"Are you sure?" Ruby asked Belle for the fourth or fifth time.

"Yeeeeees, Ruby, I can make it home by myself. Look, it's right there. You can _see_ it."

Ruby frowned.

"Thank you though." Belle said and kissed her cheek.

Emma had been fairly quiet the rest of the evening, lost in her thoughts.

She let her friends turn her in the direction of the city and started off toward Granny's, the next stop.

"Emma," Mary-Margaret asked after a while.

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong?"

She looked up, caught. Her head had been swirling for so long that she hadn't realized they had been watching her as they walked.

"Nothing."

"Emma."

She took a deep breath and let the question she had wanted to ask escape from her before she could think about it. "Do you think that cheating is one sided?"

"You're going to have to explain that," Mary-Margaret said, plopping on a bench and pulling them down with her.

"I ran into this chic today when I was out shopping."

"Uh-huh." Ruby winked.

"No, not like that. But she had a bunch of kids with her, I mean a shit load."

"Okay." Mary-Margaret hiccupped.

"But she was hot."

"...I don't think I'm following you here, Em." Ruby said with a shake of her head.

"She was really fucking hot. She hadn't just let herself go."

"So…?"

She growled a little, frustrated that they didn’t understand. "Do you guys remember me when I first came to Storybrooke?"

Ruby scoffed and whistled making Emma frown.

"Careful there, Ruby, your newfound gay is showing."

"Tell us what you're trying to say, Em," Mary-Margaret said in her softest voice.

Emma sighed, and to her humiliation felt her breath hitch, "I'm just starting to wonder if maybe this wasn't _entirely_ Regina's fault."


	38. Chapter 38

**Regina**

* * *

She and Henry were beginning to have a very hard time.

No, they had been having a hard time for a while now.

Once Henry had gotten over his righteous protection of Regina, his pleasure at having gotten away from his childhood home had begun to wane.

"Isn't there anywhere else we can go?" Henry groaned and flopped back down on the bed that has been designated his own. "I'm so sick of Granny's."

In truth, so was Regina. She was sick of eating out all of the time. She wanted a good, clean, healthy home cooked meal. She missed vegetables that weren't boiled and multigrain. She wondered _yet again_ if she should be looking for other accommodations for herself and her son. Perhaps with Emma's help - or the twins - she could build them something like she had built for Mal. Her mind swirled and her breath grew instantly tight in panic as it always did when she thought of making their living conditions more permanent. "I suppose we could go into the city and go to a new restaurant."

Henry didn't seem any more excited about that idea either. "It's whatever," he growled moodily, sounding so much like Emma. "Can Luke come over later?"

Regina frowned. She was fine now - well, as fine as she ever was - but she was on her way to see Virginia and Ivy. She knew she would be exhausted by that evening, emotionally drained and buried under the pressure that had been released. They had begun to lessen her barrier bit by bit each visit, easing her into the feeling. She didn't think she could handle two rowdy boys shouting over violent video games that she didn’t approve of in the first place. "I'm sorry, sweetie but I don't think so."

"Why?" He demanded.

"Because we are living in one room and-"

"But I'm freakin' _bored_! God, I'm always bored! This summer sucks!" His legs jerked in a childish tantrum.

"Why don't you see if you can go over to his house?"

"Because." He groaned. "His weird sister likes to talk about how much she likes my hair. It's creepy."

Regina swallowed a laugh. She didn't have the heart to tell him that she was fairly sure Luke's little sister was experiencing her first crush. "Well, I'm sorry, sweetie but not today. There just isn't enough space."

Henry sat up, his face growing serious. "Okay. Mom."

Regina sighed, readying herself. "Yes, Henry?"

She already knew what he was going to say because he said it all the time. This fight had become an almost daily occurrence.

He was going to be disappointed again.

" _How long_ are we going to stay here? This is a motel, Mom." He said it in such a slow patronizing tone that Regina felt herself flare into annoyance instantly. "People aren't meant to move in. Why don't we look for an apartment? Or even better. Why don't we _go home_?"

"As I tell you every single time we discuss this, you already know why, Henry."

"No! No, I don't! You won't tell me! No one will tell me! All I know is that for some reason you guys split up! That's not telling me _anything_!"

"We _are not_ split up."

"Mom." He spoke as though Regina was the biggest idiot on the planet. "Whether you're willing to tell me why or not, you're split up. You're not speaking. You're not living together. Split. Up."

"Henry." Regina said taking care of her patience and ignoring the majority of his very painful words. "As I tell you every day, if no one is telling you why we are in this... situation, then it's because there is a reason why you do not need to know."

This was getting increasingly harder. Henry was tired of living at Granny's. She knew he missed his things and his room. She even knew that though he would not admit it, he missed his mother and siblings. He wanted life to go back to the way it was.

So did Regina, but she couldn't make that happen. She had no idea how.

"But that's not fair, Mom! You guys act like I'm not involved!"

Regina took a very deep breath and turned toward her son. "I'm going to Virginia and Ivy's in a few minutes. Would you like to come? Perhaps we can have dinner there. If I phone them now then Ivy might even make the pot roast that you love so much."

An almost smile flicked onto his lips. Shitty teenager or not, she knew he loved the twin crones.

"Is that a yes?"

The smile dropped before it could fully form. "No! I want to know why we can't go home! People don't just break up! Are you getting a divorce?"

She sat beside him and pat his knee. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry you're struggling."

He threw himself back onto the bed and let out a moan. "I don't get it! This is such crap!"

She reached over to pat him again and he yanked away, standing and savagely kicking the wall.

"I deserve to know! This is my life!"

"Henry! Knock it off."

"NO! Tell me! I hate this! I hate it here! I want to go home!"

"Then _go home_! No one is making you stay here, Henry. If you're unhappy then please go home. You _belong_ at home."

"SO DO YOU! And no! I won't! Not until you come home too."

Regina snapped a little bit, those raw nerves bleeding again. "Well Henry, I _can't_ go home! You, however, can and frankly _should_!"

He glared and then flopped back on the bed again. "This isn't fair, Mom!"

Alarm ripped through Regina as she realized her son was whimpering.

"Why won't anyone tell me?"

"Henry. Come here, don't cry."

"I'm not crying!" he yelled, his voice cracking with his sluggish tears.

Regina studied her hands, trying to wipe away the hurt.

She should tell him. He deserved to know and the only reason why she wasn't telling him was because right now he was the only person fully in her corner. She didn't think she could bear the look in his eyes after he knew the truth.

As selfish as that was.

Not wanting to push him, she stood and walked around to the dresser they were sharing, putting on her earrings. "Come on, Henry, let's go."

The crones opened the door with such severe looks on their faces that both Regina and Henry took a step back off of the front mat, unsure of which one it was that was in trouble.

"Leaving home." Ivy finally chided. "Do you know how much heartache your mother has had over this?"

Henry's guilty face shifted, looking uncomfortable. "She has?"

"Yes. But you knew she would, didn't you? That's why you did it and that is why you're not answering her calls."

"You're not answering her calls?" Regina barked. She hadn’t thought to ask but now that it was brought up it she thought she could have guessed.

"Err-" Henry’s face screwed up, looking like the little boy he once was.

"For shame, boy." Virginia shook her head and then caught him in a tight hug. "Part of growing up, Henry, is meeting situations that perhaps are not your favorite or ideal but handling them with grace and kindness anyway."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning she should kick your butt from here to China, young man." Ivy grumbled and hugged him too and pulling him inside.

"And you!" Virginia turned on Regina making her jump. She hadn't even gotten in the door yet! "Don't think that the reasons you're not telling him are valid. How are you supposed to move forward if you refuse to take the next step?"

Regina had nothing to say.

"Hmmm. Like mother, like son. Neither of you thinking of anyone but yourselves."

Chastened, both mother and son sat down at the kitchen table as though it were the time-out chair.

But the women had gotten it out of their systems, it seemed, and soon they were all chatting about the summer, updating one another on what was happening in their lives and laughing.

 

"Oh, it feels so nice to cook for someone again. Ivy, we need to invite guests over for dinner more often."

Ivy gave a noncommittal grunt, always the more somber of the two.

Regina and Henry's bellies were full, distended and the soporific scents throughout the house were making their minds go fuzzy. It was nice, a short reprieve from the stress they were living in.

“It was very nice to have something home cooked. Thank you, Virginia.”

Virginia nodded, her smile warm.

"Regina." Ivy let out a long, deep sigh and set her plate to the side.

Regina frowned, knowing the break was over. "I need my book. Can you get it for me?"

One eye popped open and she was not fooled at all by Ivy's general look of laziness. Were they really going to do this in front of Henry? Her eyes shot open, bouncing between Ivy and her son. Panic rose again and she was instantly caught.

"You brought him for a reason," Virginia said in a light tone.

Henry was looking between them, his eyebrows pulled together.

"I-"

"My book please, dear. On the living room table."

"I'll ge-" Henry started to get up, but the crones stopped him with small, warm smiles.

"Let your mother do it, sweetheart."

Flushing and already knowing she would fail, Regina tentatively let a very small amount of energy build, probing toward the living room and trying to call the book to her. The first try rendered nothing.

"A little more." Ivy nodded at the table.

“Wha-” Henry started and again was shushed.

Fearfully, she gathered a little more.

They heard something heavy smack in the living room, almost as if a book had been picked up and dropped.

Flushing deeper, she tried again. She felt the sudden surge of gathering strength behind her eyes and in her stomach and panicked, afraid of building too much, of losing control. There was a loud crash as though the book shot across the room in the opposite direction of where it was supposed to go.

Henry stared around him, waiting to hear the punchline of a joke.

Humiliated, her hands beginning to shake, Regina reached again, grabbing the proper amount of energy quickly and efficiently so this could be over.

The book appeared a foot above the center of the table and dropped with an indignant crash.

"Thank you, dear."

"Wha-" Henry began again.

"Come with me, Regina," Ivy said while Virginia patted Henry's knee.

"Only one bowl of ice cream, Virginia," Regina said, feeling sick with embarrassment.

 

She spent hour with Ivy working on remastering her Craft, listening to the lectures about allowing herself to _be_ as well as forgiving herself. She was getting better, but thus far, the only thing she could do steadily was get herself to their house and back.

It wasn't that she didn't want to use it... she was just terrified and absolutely sick with herself.

When her mind felt as though it would crumble, Virginia entered the living room and the three of them moved to the Working room.

"What is Henry doing?" Regina asked, settling herself on the table.

"I gave him a book to look through and a second bowl of ice cream."

Well. She hadn’t expected there to be less than two bowls.

Lying down, Regina took a deep breath and tried to allow the room to enter her as she had been taught. She could feel the stones around her and the soft evening light coming through the window. She tried to reach for serenity as she felt the two sets of hands tenderly begin to caress her back, their soft hum buzzing in her mind.

As always she felt herself begin to drift and the river to flow.

Why had she brought Henry?

That hadn't been appropriate, not at all. He was too young. He couldn't understand.

God, she didn't want him to see.

She didn't want him to know this side of her.

She didn't want him to know that she was dangerous.

Because she _was_ dangerous.

As if in proof the image of Mal under her palm, her face turning purple under her choking grip popped into her mind.

" _Now_. _Are you going to give me what I need_?"

She could have killed her that day that she had pressed her against the wall.

She remembered, could _feel_ how good it had felt when she had sat in her lap and closed her fingers around her throat, when she had slapped her, drawing blood. She had wanted to do it again and again. She had wanted to sink her teeth in and -

Oh god, she was a fucking monster.

Suddenly her forehead splintered with pain, ghosting the moment when her head had been slammed into the stone wall. It burned and throbbed, as her center, as her anus split open. Her fingernails cracked as she scratched at the stone in front of her, her forehead hitting it again and again as the pain in her apex doubled, tripled as Mal drove into her.

She could smell blood. She could feel it flowing down her face.

And yet, she had felt nothing at the time.

How had she felt nothing? She was being ripped in half! Whatever Mal was using on her - in her - it was tearing her apart. Yet, she had only wanted more.

_"God, I forgot what a freak you are! - I just took you in pretty much every hole you have. I bet if I wanted to fuck your ear you would let me."_

Those _were_ not compliments!

She had no idea what was in her, what was happening to her. That wasn't -

Then as the pain slowly began to subside she remembered more. Reaching over and hitting Mal so hard that her lip had spurted blood across her cheek.

Had she even noticed in that moment? She didn't think so.

God, and she had done _all_ of that! That had been her!

She hadn't even been that far gone! Words had already begun to make sense again!

God!

No, no, she didn't want to think about it anymore! She didn't want to _be_ it!

She could hear the women crooning to her, whispering to let it out and as she wailed she felt it slowly draining from her. Her lungs ached. Over the sound of her own screaming, she could hear sobbing somewhere near her as Virginia felt everything going through Regina.

She had been horrible.

She was horrible.

To want to hurt, to damage -

She was ugly and dirty and disgusting. And-

Her heart gave an extra hard thump and Regina gasped, feeling it begin to grow, to warm, replacing and overpowering the misery.

She had felt this before - but where?

Ever so slowly she felt herself open, warmth and light filling her as she felt her heart connect.

She was whispering Emma's name. She could feel her naked skin warm against her love's. She could feel, she could see the energy, soft golden rivers and highways connecting her chest, her heart to the one below hers. It was beautiful, heaven on this earth. The love between them was binding them, creating a soft golden bubble around them, sealing them together. Every inch of their skin that touched connected as one as she began to make love to her wife.

She watched Emma's lips part and they met again, unknowingly exchanging tiny wisps of themselves as they kissed, white blending with purple.

How - she didn't understand how she could do this when a moment ago she had been so black, so ugly.

It faded and she slowly was dropped back into her own head.

When she sat up her face was puffy and wet as though she had spent many hours crying. She sat, shaking and trying desperately to get a deep breath, but she couldn't. The tears were coming too fast.

"Every coin has two sides, Regina my dear. It is true of all of us. The question, my love, is _who_ do we want to be. Your Craft can bond you or it can break you. Only you can decide."

She felt hands softly caressing her face, wiping away her tears.

She didn't want to open her eyes. She wanted to hang onto that feeling, to the sight of their bodies connected by a thousand strands of energy, for just a few moments longer.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it," she sobbed, her face in her hands.

"You're so close. Two more puzzle pieces and you will have your answer. Just _keep_ working."

She wasn't sure if she felt better hearing that or not.

She felt Ivy step in front of her and knew what was coming.

"Are you ready?"

She shook her head.

"Dear girl." Soft fingertips brushed her cheeks.

She let out another sob and nodded, not at all ready but this was all that was left to do today.

She felt better, as though a small weight had been lifted off her shoulders, like some amount of bloody and oozing baggage had been taken from her and made clean and she wished that she could simply leave it at that.

Ivy's hands covered her ears and she felt her lips press softly to her forehead.

Slowly her head began to swim, pounding and pounding. Her eyes felt as though they would explode from their sockets. It was too much - this couldn't be right - oh god she was going to be sick!

And then the feeling popped, filling her with a moment of blissful relief from the constant throbbing headache she lived with.

Just as suddenly, it came crashing down on her. Her skin itched. Her head ached. Her mouth had gone dry. She felt as though she had suddenly been ripped out of a warm, comfortable bath and flung into the snow naked. Everything hurt. And for just a moment she lost control, readying to lunge at the woman before her and take and take and take until-

"Steeeeady Regina."

With effort, Regina pressed her lips as tightly together as she could and nodded. After a moment she began to swallow it, adjusting to it.

This was bad. But she thought she could do it.

"Regina?"

It took her a while to answer, but eventually she began to nod.

Her eyes opened and she thought she would pass out.

It was worse than being hungry. It was far more consuming that being thirsty.

But - she thought she could manage.

She felt large and expansive, so much to pull from so much begging to be used.

"Get it under control, Regina." Ivy warned.

She looked down and realized her fingers were glowing her personal shade of purple.

"Can you stand?"

Regina let out a small laugh. "I think so but I don't really want to." Her voice was thick, raspy as though she had just smoked a pack of cigarettes all at once.

She would have taken the women up on their offer and simply gone upstairs to sleep for a bit like she usually did but, "Henry?"

A choked sob came from across the room. "Mom?"

She looked up into Henry's wet and sobbing face.

* * *

 

She wasn't entirely sure how they got home, her body aching as it was, but she knew that her son helped to support her as she hobbled her way across the room and onto her bed.

Henry had not stopped his tears and with a deep, steadying breath Regina caressed his face and pulled him to her.

"You were _screaming_ , Mom! You were screaming and it sounded like someone was killing you."

She wanted to be furious with Virginia and Ivy for letting her son watch. She had assumed they had sound proofed the room. Today she just didn't have it in her for that kind of anger.

"You sounded like you were in so much pain!" He let out a thunderous sob and wailed, "And then you just started to cry but I've never heard anything like it. It was worse! It was like - like - you had just lost everything you had ever wanted - like someone had died! Mom! I was so scared! Are you okay?"

She hugged his awkward, gangly body to her tighter. "Henry, I'm so sorry I scared you. I'm so sorry."

He buried his face into her chest and, shushing him, she rocked him like when he was a little boy.

"What happened? What happened?"

She just shushed him and rocked, her tears flowing silently.

 

Finally, after a long while he wiped his face, seeming slightly embarrassed and slumped up, his back bowed, his face hidden.

She cupped his cheeks and sighed, pulling him up. "That was something that you weren't supposed to see."

"I'm glad I did, though. I think. What... what was it?"

She didn't know how to answer.

"You look sick." He finally said.

"Henry... I am sick... in a way."

"What, like cancer?" His face paled dramatically and desperate to reassure him she shook her head.

"No, sweetheart, I..." She didn't know how to explain.

"It's your Craft."

Her breath caught and the never ending tears fell faster. "Yes."

"I live in this town, I've heard..."

"Sweetheart, I am not like your mother or Mal or anyone else you know with Craft. I - I have too much. I _like it_ too much."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that when I use too much, when too much is in me - I lose control of myself. And I don't care that I have. I only want more and more. It's almost like -"

"Like an alcoholic."

"More like a drug. They – they tell me I have an-" but she couldn't say the word.

His eyes flashed with intelligence and she knew that he suddenly understood. "What did you do?"

The mistrust in his face almost stopped her but there was no explanation except the truth.

"I had an affair, sweetie. That's why your mother kicked me out of the house. This isn't her fault. It's mine."

There. She had taken the next step.

She looked into the eyes that he shared with his other mother and she could see his world view crumbling. She could see the last remnants of his boyhood falling away and it broke her heart.

"I- I- I regained my Craft, by accident, and then I - I just drifted away. I was doing this terrible thing and I couldn't get myself to care, not like I should." She was sobbing now, wishing she could do anything other than tell her son this. "Henry, I need you to understand. Addiction… it's zero to sixty in a manner of seconds. You think you are fine and then before you know it… you're just not there anymore and in your place is someone else entirely."

" _Addiction_?"

Again, she couldn't answer.

"Mal.” He accused. “It wasn't Maleficent, wasn't it? I saw the way she looked at you and you were so different once she was here. You wouldn't even hold Bonnie anymore! You left Mom to handle everything."

She nodded. "God, I know, I know! Henry, you have to be careful with Craft. It's so easy to lose yourself in it. It happened to my mother. It happened to me."

"I don't have it." His voice was like ice.

"I know, honey." She carefully touched his cheek. "But you never know if someone you will love _will_ have it."

Henry's eyes grew dizzy. "So this is what happened then? This is... this is it, what ripped my family apart?" His voice had grown high as though he were choking back some violent emotion. "You cheated on Mom? For how long? Was it once? Was it twice? For how long?"

She didn't answer, just watched the emotions flicker on his face until finally he settled into tears.

His head dropped into his hands and he cried like a little boy.

"Henry..."

He shrugged her hand off.

"Henry..."

He pushed away from her.

She watched him, feeling helpless. She couldn't help him right now, dear god she couldn't help her son.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Henry..."

She took a moment and stared at him, perplexed. She was his mother. She was supposed to be the one who could help, always. What was she supposed to do? She... she was his _mother_.

"Okay, Henry. I'm going to get in the shower and give you some space, all right? Afterward, I would like to talk a little more."

Slowly he nodded.

Standing on very shaky legs, she gathered her things. A few minutes alone was what he needed. She was sure of it. A few minutes and then she would explain...

 

 

_Nine Years Before_

 

_"Come out, come out wherever you are!"_

_Silence._

_"I'm gonna find you!" Regina called, tiptoeing through the house and peeking around the corners. Damn. She wouldn't expect a seven-year-old to hide so well. "Fee-fi-fo-" But she had just jumped into the last room on her second search and he clearly wasn't here._

_"Henry?"_

_She checked each room again, fighting off panic._

_She heard a muffled thump and her head craned up toward the ceiling. Had he gotten in the attic? How had he -_

_There was a muffled screech and her heart leapt into her throat. "Henry?"_

_She hadn't realized she was running until she tripped over a stuffed bear. Oh god, Henry's bear!_

_"HENRY?"_

_Sure enough, the pull-down ladder for the attic was ajar._

_Heart hammering in her throat she threw herself up to it, calling the boy's name._

_"Henry? Henry?" She couldn't see anything. Where was he?_

_"He-"_

_Then came the muffled scream of a cry again. She whipped around, her mouth dry as desert sand._

_"Henry?"_

_"Regina!" A tiny voice cried._

_For a moment, she couldn't tell where it was coming from until she heard the soft pounding of little fists on wood._

_The wardrobe!_

_"Henry!" She grabbed the handle and yanked but the door wouldn't budge._

_"Regina! Regina! I'm scared!"_

_"Hold on, Henry!" Panic high in her throat, she tugged with all of her might and it swung open._

_The tiny brunette boy came with it, falling toward the floor._

_She caught him just before he hit the ground, dropping to her knees as her heartbeat pounded in her ears._

_He was shaking, his face and shirt wet from his frightened tears._

_"What happened?" she cried, wiping his face clean._

_"I got trapped!" He wailed. "I got trapped in the dark and I thought you would never, ever find me again!_

_"Oh, Henry!" She cooed, holding him close and rocking him as he cried. "Don't you worry about that. Don't you worry, my sweet boy. I'll always find you, sweetheart. I'm always here, my little prince. We will always be together. I will always, always find you."_

 

The hot water felt like needles on her skin and it took her a long while to control her shaking. Once she had mastered that, it took her even longer to control her tears.

Now was a moment to be strong. She needed to _be there_ for her son. He deserved that. She would answer any questions and then, when they were done she would take him to Granny's for a milkshake and try to figure out what to do next, now that he knew. Maybe he could help her. Maybe he would be able to see a way to make it better. Henry was very good at things like that.

It would be fine. She would explain to him that being a parent didn't make you perfect.

She would make him understand the huge, horrible mistake she had made and implore him that once he found love, he needed to cherish it, nurture it always.

She toweled off, gathering her strength. This was not going to be easy.

"Henry-" she began as she stepped from the bathroom and froze.

He was not in the room and the chair where his usual pile of clothes and belongings lived now sat empty.

He was gone.

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Emma**

* * *

 

Okay, so Mary-Margaret and Ruby had not liked Emma saying that maybe Regina wasn't the only one to blame for the place their marriage was currently in. As soon as she said it the previous night, both women had begun to yell rather loudly despite the late hour, insisting that there was no excuse for cheating and that they would club Emma if she spoke like that again. Frustrated, she had given up before she had really tried to explain, but... it had been on her mind all day and she couldn't help but to think she was right.

No, she wasn't giving Regina an out, nor was she saying that what Regina did was okay. Emma was just beginning to wonder if perhaps _she also_ had some kind of a role in what happened.

She had been reading self-help books. She had never been that kind of person... fucking ever. She hadn't even had the courage to go to the store for the books herself. She had ordered them online.  But she had needed answers and there had been no one to turn to. The thing with Eugenia had been humiliating, Regina had commandeered Virginia and Ivy, she didn't have parents and worst of all, she couldn’t ask the one person she would have always asked before so... she had ordered the books.

They all were saying the same thing. If you would like to continue the relationship post 'incident' then you need to look, as a couple, at what was lacking for _both_ of you before the event.

And Emma thought she knew.

She had given up.

She had been fine to let things become routine.

And she sure as fuck hadn't been dressing up as Snow White or showed up to Regina's office without any panties on.

She had been satisfied with letting things grow stale.

She had been satisfied with the cheap level of intimacy they had shared, both romantically and sexually.

They both had, hadn't they?

… and if she really thought about it now, could she say that she hadn't turned into a complete child the moment Mal walked into her home? She had already realized she had, no point in denying it now.

She had been intimidated and there was no use pretending she hadn't been. She had grown bitchy, whiny, and rude. She had become instantly territorial and uncomfortable.

The question was... did that make it okay?

No.

No, it didn't.

Not freaking at all.

Perhaps these were even two entirely separate issues.

She kicked her feet up on the coffee table and balanced the drink she was nursing on her leg.

I mean these shoes! Look at these shoes. Regina was right. They really were ugly.

Why had she settled for them? _She_ didn't even like them.

Regina aside, why had _Emma_ suddenly become comfortable with this?

She remembered that moment that Regina had changed her, putting her back in her jeans and boots, giving her the cop muscles that she used to have. God, there had been a big difference, hadn't there? For just a second she had felt powerful and in control again. She wasn't sure when that had changed but suddenly her arms felt puny and weak. The muscle was there, but hidden under a small layer of fat, no longer obviously visible. The vein that used to run down her forearm, a sure sign of a dedicated fitness junkie, was gone.

She had always thought that if they would still take her then she would go back to the sheriff station once the children were all in school, but... would she even pass the physical right now?

She scowled because that thought didn't feel good.

Plus. What if... things ended badly with Regina? The only job she had ever known was law enforcement. Should she be preparing for that again? Just in case? And sooner rather than later?

She jumped, her drink slopping over her leg.

Was that the door? Her neck craned around to the large walk clock. What time was it?

The knock came again and, suddenly wishing she had those muscles, she stood. Her children were asleep. She felt her fingertips buzz to life. A knock in the middle of the night was never a good sign.

"Who is it?"

"Mom?"

She gasped, Crafting the locks open as one and swinging the door. "Henry?"

Her son stood in the porch light, his bags over his drooping shoulders and his head hung. For just a moment she could see a flash of him as his adult self, tall with facial hair and a giant grin, surprising his elderly mothers with a sudden trip home. God, he was so close to that now.

"Henry?"

A giant tear dripped off of his nose, alarming Emma. When had she last seen him cry? "What's wrong?"

"Mom told me."

Ice dropped into the pit of Emma's stomach. "Oh."

"Can I come in?"

Emma rolled her eyes, hooking him by the neck and yanking him in. "This is your home. Of course you can come in, you idiot."

He smiled just a bit.

Once inside they awkwardly stood in the foyer, Emma waiting for whatever Henry wanted to say and Henry just staring at his feet.

Had she really thought he was so grown? His shoulders might be larger than hers now, and he might be taller but his face was that of her tiny son.

"So, are you home now?" She finally asked when it seemed like Henry had nothing to say.

He sniffed and shrugged.

She crossed her arms and studied him, the same stance she had always held when he had done something that he shouldn't. "You know, I kinda think I should send your ass back to Mom. What, did you find out that she isn't perfect so you took off? Just like you did to me?"

"She _cheated_ on you, Mom! And she let me believe that it was your fault that everything is different now!"

"Actually, kid, you came up with that idea on your own. Mom never told you that it was my fault. I never told you that it was my fault. As a matter of fact, the only person here placing blame is you. Did we raise you to just take off whenever shit gets hard?"

His eyebrows rose at her swear. "No."

"No! We didn't!" She smacked him lightly on the side of the head. "How do you think she's feeling right now?"

His eyes clouded over, teenage indignant anger rearing its ugly head again. "Why are you standing up for her? She cheated on us, then she left us! She's a bitch!"

Emma had Henry's shirt balled into her fist in a second. He might be taller than her, maybe even stronger but the boy cowered. She didn’t raise a hand to him, she didn’t touch him in any way but he still looked as though she might throw him through the window.

" _Never_... _never_ say that about your mother again. Do you _hear_ me?" She might hate Regina about half the time these days, she might agree wholeheartedly that Regina was a bitch, but their son was not going to get away with that. "She is your _mother_ and you _will_ show her more respect than that."

His shoulders drooped further. "I'm sorry."

She let go but remained close, her voice comforting. "I understand that you're upset and that you're angry with her, with me, with anyone and everyone but -"

"I just don't get it!” He exploded. “She did something terrible and you're defending her! Are you really that weak?"

"Henry, right now I'm not sure you would know what strength looked like."

He flushed, red hot and chastened. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Emma took a deep breath and let it out slowly. How did you explain something like this to someone who didn’t have the same responsibilities that she did? "I think that this is something that you're going to have to trust me on when I say that at sixteen you just aren't capable of understanding." He stared back at her in challenge, his eyebrows drawn, his lips a thin line so she continued. "All right. Tell me, since you found out, what have you been feeling?"

"I hate her."

Emma nodded, "Right. And I was not going to be the one to make that happen."

"But I _should_ hate her."

"No, Henry, you shouldn't," she groaned, exasperated.

"Yeah-"

"No, kid.” Emma cut him off with a wave of her mind. “It's my job to be upset. She cheated on me. Not you. She still loves you. Nothing has changed between her and you."

He frowned. "Are you going to forgive her?"

"I don't know, kid. Things - things get complicated when you're older. I just - I don't know."

He wiped at his nose and studied the floor again.

"Look. Go up to bed. We'll talk more in the morning."

He nodded and made his way up to his room.

She stood in the foyer for a long while, thinking. She didn't believe it at all that Henry hated either one of them but it still didn't feel good to hear.

She wondered if Regina knew he was gone. It was somewhat late. Perhaps he had left while she slept.

Pulling out her phone she typed a quick text. "Hi. Henry is here. He told me what happened." She paused, debating before typing a little more. "I'm sorry that he left. I know how that feels."

The response was almost instant. "Thank you."

* * *

 

She awoke the next morning to screaming but it did not panic her. Instead she smiled. She had heard this type of screaming time and time again.

She rose and clomped down the stairs, not at all surprised to find Bonnie already halfway through breakfast and Henry holding Ollie hanging from his ankles in mid-air.

Both boys froze when they saw her, guilty looks on their faces.

"Did we wake you up?"

"That's all right."

Henry swung Ollie back over and plopped him on his feet where he stood wobbling dizzily and grinning a smile that was significantly larger than anything she had seen from him in a while.

"We made breakfast," Ollie announced.

"Oh yeah?" Emma sniffed the pan of eggs and Henry rolled his eyes.

She grabbed a plate and sat with a thump at the table, feeling more _normal_ than she had in weeks, "What are you guys doing today?"

Henry shrugged. "I was gonna invite Penny over.” His eyes shifted quickly to her and away again. “If uh, if, that's okay?"

She nodded, chewing on a piece of bacon and decided to wait to question him about their friendship after she saw them together. "What are you guys gonna do?"

"I dunno. Just hang out, I guess."

"Uh-huh. And what does 'hang out' mean? Is it the same as when you 'hang out' with Luke?"

"Mooooooom!" Henry’s eyes rolled, his body sagging against the counter in protest.

"Okay, okay!"

"I dunno, like, probably play some video games? I was right in the middle of Assassins Creed when I...” Again his eyes shot to her and away. “Errr and she knows that Coach thinks I should try for varsity this year so, I dunno, I guess she'll probably be on me about that."

"Varsity, huh?"

"Yeah and she's uh, Varsity track and J.V Tennis. Sooo I kinda think I'm going to do it."

"Because you need to be better than her or -"

"No, no!" He said quickly, flushing. "I just um..."

"Want her to like you? Be on similar ground?"

His deep blush was answer enough.

"HENRY'S GOTTA GIRLFRIEND! HENRY'S GOTTA GIRLFRIEND!" Ollie chorused.

"Shut up!" Henry flung a bagel at his brother.

" _Ollie_."

The boy's mouth clamped shut but his eyes twinkled and Emma had to swallow a laugh. She wanted to tease her eldest boy too, but she supposed that wouldn't exactly be fair.

She opened her mouth to question him again, itching to know if they had kissed, held hands, decided to _go steady_ but instead asked, "What would you need to do for that?"

He shoved half a banana into his mouth and shrugged. "Train to make the team. I've been doing Jillian Michael tapes with Mom but… I dunno."

"All right then."

 

A few hours later a blushing Henry was shrugging and trying to make his way out of the room unnoticed with a tiny, very pretty little blonde. Neither Emma nor Penny were having any of that.

"It's nice to see you, Sheriff Mills. It's been a while. I mean, Mrs. Mills, sorry!" Emma bit the inside of her cheek and secretly thought that her boy had picked himself a very good one.

"Penny, we've been over this. Emma, please. I haven't been the sheriff since you were a kid and - well, call me Emma please."

She grinned. "Yes, ma'am."

“What are you two up to?”

“They’re gonna watch a movie with me!” Ollie cried.

“Yeah.” Penny smiled, a little embarrassed. “I told him we would.”

Henry was clearly not pleased with this plan but Emma was.

Sitting down to watch Ollie's favorite movie this time was very different from the last time. This time, everyone was pleased when he cuddled into her to watch the pirate; Henry and Penny whispering and barely watching on the floor across the room.

Emma caught Ollie watching them and wondered what the little boy was thinking.

"I like your eye stuff, Penny," Ollie finally said.

She looked up from the phone she and Henry were passing back and forth and smiled. "Eye stuff?"

He touched the eyelids of his own eyes and Penny seemed to understand.

"Oh! Thank you! You know one day soon we should do makeovers!"

Ollie's eyes lit. "What's that?"

"It's when you do your hair and your makeup together," Emma said, thoughtfully. A makeover. That was a really good idea.

"Makeup?" Ollie asked with obvious reverence and Penny and Emma grinned. The year before last Ollie had received a makeup kit from a secret Santa but he had been too young, not really interested yet. He was still too young to wear it - since he was clearly _going_ to wear it - but maybe she could start showing him. "But you don't wear makeup!" Ollie said, turning to Emma.

Should she be surprised that he had answered her thought? Wouldn't be the first time, she supposed. "I do too! Not a lot of it, not like Mom, but I wear some. Well. I used to wear some." She caught her eldest son studying her with a set look on his face. "What?"

"You used to wear it all of the time."

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you anymore?"

A wave of discomfort crashed over her as she looked between the curious faces, not sure of how to explain. "Well, I don't know. I've been taking care of you guys. Married. Who was I trying to catch?"

Bonnie blew a loud, wet raspberry, breaking the inexplicable tension.

Henry and Penny exchanged significant looks but said nothing else.

 

Emma watched Henry and Penny all afternoon, feeling increasingly sorry for both of them. It was clear that they both had an end goal in mind, simple and relaxed dating comfort... but it was also clear that neither knew how to get there. Each time that Emma, pretending not to watch, saw a perfectly opportune moment for a bit of romance one or both fumbled it. She had remembered dating being very difficult when she was young but damn, surely it wasn't that bad!

Henry's face was tightly grave by the time he and Penny finished their awkward, at-the-door-at-the-end-of-the-night-how-do-we-say-goodbye routine.

After they had finally decided on an awkward nod, Henry's shoulders sank and he flopped onto the couch next to his mother.

"How was your day?" Emma asked, biting her lip. For just a moment she wished Regina had been there to see it all. She would have enjoyed it.

How was she? Emma knew that _her_ heart had been broken after Henry had left the house but she, at least, had two other children. Regina was alone now. Should she maybe... text her? Or call her?

No. They didn't do that anymore. No.

Right?

Henry let out a big sigh. "It was good. We didn't do much. Do you think that next time she comes over you can ask Ollie to leave her alone?"

"Was he bothering her?"

"No. He was-"

"Bothering you?"

Henry scowled.

"Steppin' on your game, huh kid?" Okay, that wasn't nice.

Henry groaned. "I wish that was the problem."

Emma kicked her feet up on the table and waited, knowing some line of questioning was coming and sure enough:

"So, I listened to Mal once and that was how I got to kiss Penny before... but I also got suspended."

"Right."

"So Penny forgave me and everything but -"

"You want to know how to make it happen again."

"Preferably more than once. Like, is there something I can do that will make her want to kiss me like... all the time?"

Emma snorted and thought that perhaps it was good that Regina _wasn't_ here. She would flip. Emma couldn't say that she loved the idea of her little boy making out with a girl in the dark corners of the high school either but he was old enough now that _not_ kissing would be more worrisome. "Well, I guess I would have to go off of my most successful case... your mom, and if I'm being honest, I think that happened because of _you_. She definitely fell in love with you before me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup. She met you and totally fell head over heels. I think she liked me because I made you. So then she started kissing me and she didn't stop -"

"Until she started kissing someone else."

Emma's mouth went dry. She had been teasing and she was going to say 'for a week'. That had been stupid. She should have left Regina out of it. "Henry..."

"No, really though, Mom. Is there anything?"

Emma took the hint. "Well, I think the jacket helped a lot."

"The jacket?"

"The leather one, remember? I used to wear it when you were little."

"Ooooh, yeah!"

"Yup. I think it was you and the jacket. It made me feel confident. That's all it's about, kid. _Feeling_ confident. So since you are already you and you have all of your very special Henry magic... maybe we need to find a way to make _you_ feel more confident."

"Like?"

"I don't know. Like a haircut? Maybe a leather jacket of your own? We can get you a Harley if you want."

Henry flushed and tried to hide his grin.

"The thing is, you already have all of the tools. She already likes you, that much is obvious. So it's about what will make you feel better."

"She does?"

"Yup."

He mulled that over for a little bit. "I don't know. Maybe I need the Harley." He gave her his best gawky grin and Emma rolled her eyes, shoving him over.

“You wish.”

* * *

 

Her freaking son was clearly up to something and it was making Emma so nervous. Henry had declined spending the weekend with Regina, a move Emma had seen coming and while she didn't like it, she had decided to wait until the following weekend to force him. Having been on the other side of it, she was not going to let Henry just drop his other mother. No way.

She and her son had spent the weekend on the couch binge watching action movies, eating pizza, and arguing over who was the baddest villain.

It had been possibly the most fun Emma had in months. Penny had joined them Sunday afternoon and, again pretending not to watch, Emma saw her son take Penny's hand, making her swell with pride. But now the weekend was over and Henry _clearly_ had something going on.

Emma had thus far kept the paranoid thoughts at bay, though 'Penny is pregnant' and 'he's experimenting with drugs' were always hovering just out of reach.

It had almost been a week and if she had to see him shiftily glance at Penny one more time then she was going to kill him.

He clearly wasn't telling her on purpose and that made her feel even worse. So, he was keeping something from her. Badly keeping it from her and from the way he kept looking at Penny she was involved. Okay so…

She had asked him a few days before if everything was all right and if there was anything that he wanted to talk about. He had simply shrugged and tried to turn the conversation to his upcoming weekend with Regina and how he didn’t want to go, trying to convince her to have a Futurama marathon instead.

Emma had left the room quickly, frustrated.

Now it was Friday morning and all three children were packed up and ready to go for their mother later that afternoon.

Henry and Penny had entered through the back door, hissing and whispering with their heads together.

"What's the story, guys?" Emma had asked, eyes narrowed.

Henry had jumped as though stung by a bee and looked very guilty indeed. "What? Nothing! What?"

Penny had rolled her eyes, pulling her hand out of Henry's and leaning against the kitchen island, "So how long were you the sheriff, Sheriff?"

Emma snorted, unable to help herself. She clearly wasn't going to break Penny of the respectful title which part of her appreciated. "Oh, one or two years." It was six.

"I was looking through the library archived newspapers yesterday and I found a picture of you from your first year."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Mom." Henry grinned. "You looked pretty ripped." He pulled out his phone and showed her the photo of the article.

Emma studied it feeling something between laughter and agitation.

"I did, huh. I guess I had just gotten here from Boston and it wasn't like it is here. In Boston you needed to be able to keep up. They took our physical health and agility very seriously."

It was more than that, though. Her hair was done well, her clothes were a decent quality. She looked like she had actually _cared for_ herself in a way that she just didn't bother with anymore.

She looked, well, like a badass and _that_ was something she really couldn't be called. Not for a while.

"What was your time for a half mile?" Penny asked with a gleam in her eye that made Emma wonder.

"2:16 or so..." There had been a time when she was almost down to 2:10... but that had been a very long time ago, indeed.

Penny nodded with appreciation. "Nice, Mrs. M."

"Do you think you could still do that, Ma?"

Emma snorted. She might make it from the couch to the front door in about 2:16.

"I bet you'd surprise yourself." Penny grinned.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, come on, Mom."

"Wait, wait, are we talking about actually _doing_ this?"

Henry shrugged. "Why not?"

Why not? Because it had been forever. Emma frowned, wondering what they were up to but currently unable to see what the plan was. She liked to think of herself as quick-witted, usually able to see the path someone was on, but... she was baffled. Were they trying to rope her into helping them train? She supposed that she had learned a lot at the academy. She _could_ probably help. "All right. We'll put this all to the test."

"Awesome, let's-"

"But!" Emma interrupted. "Not until the weekend is over."

"But, Mo-"

"Nope. If you're trying to use this as a way to avoid your mom then you're out of luck, kid."

She was surprised to find Penny giving him a very satisfied look.

"What's going on with you, Penny?" Emma asked, eyebrows high.

Penny glared at him a little harder. "I keep telling him that he can't avoid either one of you forever, you or Mrs. Mills, but he's-"

"Stubborn?" Emma offered.

"Stupid."

"Hey!" Henry glared. His cheeks went red but before he could get too grumpy his phone went off. Eyes wide, he whispered in Penny's ear, trying to be covert. Still Emma distinctly heard, "It's ready."

"What's ready?" Emma asked in alarm.

Henry just grinned. "You'll see." And he and his girlfriend sprinted through the front door.

None of this made Emma feel better. They weren't even hiding that they were up to something now?

She played with Bonnie for a while as Oliver read, but she was feeling distinctly unsettled.

When the front door crashed open, Emma jumped to her feet, ready for whatever it was.

Henry's forehead peeked around the doorframe.

"Henry? What the hell are you doing?"

"Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Close your eyes!"

“No!”

“Ma!”

“Fine.” Nervous, she did.

"Okay." She heard shuffling and the faint sound of giggling from Penny.

"Henry?"

"Keep your eyes closed!"

"Okay, okay, okay."

"You got me thinking, Mom."

"Well that's good, I guess."

"Ha. You're funny. Anyway, you got me thinking about what you said about Penny."

"Oh?" She didn't like where this was going. "Did something happen?"

"We kissed, but that's not the point."

She heard Penny giggle again.

"Okay…"

"I was thinking about what you said about confidence."

"Uh-huh."

"Well, I think that's what you need right now after Mom."

"Uh-huh." _After_ Mom? She still didn't like where this was going.

"Okay. Open your eyes."

She did and her eyebrows pulled together. Henry and Penny were standing in the doorway to the foyer, grinning madly. In Henry's hand hung a bright, worn and very comfortable looking red leather jacket.


	40. Chapter 40

**Emma**

* * *

Emma just stared at the jacket blankly. She didn't understand. Had he thought she had lost it? She knew it was still in the back of her closet. She - she just hadn't been able to part with it after it had been ripped.

When her face stayed blank Henry groaned and flipped the jacket around.

Emma gasped. It was as though the rip had never happened. There was no stitching, there was no sign at all that it had ever been damaged.

She stepped to it and touched the baby soft leather, looking for the spot where it had been fixed.

"You told me that this was your confidence so we had it fixed!"

"How?" Emma breathed, pulling it off the hanger and slipping it on. It felt like being wrapped in the warm hug of a long missed lover.

Penny shrugged. "Did you know that Belle is my cousin?"

Emma frowned, but she wasn't all that surprised. Somehow all the occupants of Storybrooke seemed to be interrelated. She supposed that was a small town for you. You could only get a few generations of local marriages before it became a little incestuous.

"So I just asked her to get her boyfriend to do it. At first she wouldn't because idiot here," she playfully shoved Henry, "said you were going to use it to find a girlfriend."

Emma's head shot up in alarm.

"But I convinced her."

"I was a little worried that he might do something funny to it." Henry frowned, "I don't trust that guy. But Belle promised that she was there the whole time."

They all took a moment to just stare at the jacket before Emma sighed. The jacket was amazing, super comfortable. It just didn't look too great with her loose jeans and tennies.

"Thank you, Henry." She kissed his cheek and then kissed Penny's, thanking her as well.

* * *

 

The weekend sucked. Plain and simple. It sucked.

Emma hadn't seen Regina at all. She had been upstairs in the bathroom when she had arrived to pick them up and Regina hadn't come to the door when she dropped them off.

Emma didn't like that.

She thought that perhaps she was starting to get _used_ to the empty space that Regina had left behind. She was getting _used_ to sleeping in the middle of the bed.

She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

She didn't cry every night anymore, let alone cry all night.

It had simmered to a once or twice a week thing, assuming nothing set her off.

She spent less time thinking about the time between Mal's arrival and the split and more thinking about the time before; her conclusions that perhaps they weren't completely happy before Mal had arrived were growing solid.

She still hated when the children were gone but was pleased that they always seemed happy to come home.

It was strange pausing _their_ life every few days so they could continue their life with Regina but - she supposed things were easier this way for everyone.

Then again this new ease made her panic in its own way. What did it mean? Should she take it as a sign that life was better this way and move on? There was only one law office in town. If they decided to proceed with a divorce then who got them? Did either since they were affiliated with Regina's office? Perhaps it would be wiser for them both to go to a firm out of town so that neither knew the other's lawyer.

She didn't know.

Was divorce slowly moving for them? If she listened closely to their life could she hear it creeping up to them, whispering the Jaws theme?

She _still_ didn't know but it made her jumpy.

 

"Hey, kid."

Henry had only been home for a half an hour and he had already changed into his shorts and a loose t-shirt. "Get dressed!"

"Uh..."

"You're coming with me."

"What?"

"You're coming running with me."

Her eyebrow popped. "Oh I am, huh?"

He huffed, annoyed she wasn't already half dressed. "Do you really want to argue or do you want to spend time with your son?"

She let out a boom of a laugh and Henry grinned, pleased with himself.

"And who, may I ask, is going to watch my other son and my daughter?"

He shrugged. "Bring them to the track."

"Because that would be so much fun for them."

"I wanna go!" Ollie chirped up from across the room.

Emma shook her head. She should have known. Ollie would do _anything_ if it meant he got to hang out with Henry socially.

"You're supposed to be proving you can still make your time, remember?"

"Fiiiine. But you all have to help me with Bonnie."

"She'll be fine, Ma. She can run too!"

Bonnie squawked and did a little in place run/dance. Emma sighed. It looked like the whole family wanted to go. She supposed it was in the park... if nothing else they could go to the jungle gym or something.

It took a while for Emma to get everyone ready to go and by the time they were out the door Henry was all but jumping in his seat, complaining that Penny was waiting for him.

They drove to the park so they could use the track and indeed found Penny already sprinting around it at the speed of light. It wasn't a huge track but it was the only one outside of the high school.

She watched Penny go and frowned. Yeah, no way I can still do that. Those kind of speeds are for the young.

"Hi, guys!"

Emma plopped Bonnie down with a huge kiss and the kid was off, running around the track as best she could. She wasn't too worried, they were the only ones there but, "Ollie, make sure she doesn't put anything in her mouth please."

He nodded, stretching out on the summer grass.

Emma started over to Penny who was stretching. "Pretty impressive, kid."

Penny beamed. "I'm trying to break 2:15."

"Keep going like that and you will. What's your time, H?"

Henry blushed and muttered, “2:40.”

"Well, let's see if I can beat ya." She clapped him on the back and took off.

"Hey! Cheater!" he cried and tore after her.

He beat her, but only just.

"It's those freaky Lurch legs of yours! I don't know where you get it. Your father was tall, yeah, but not _that_ tall."

"Uh-huh." He grinned. "You're just out of shape."

"Shut up."

"You know, Mrs. Mills. My sister is looking for some babysitting work." Emma squinted through the sun at her, sensing a plot again. "Maybe she could come over to your house and watch Bonnie and Ollie for an hour every day so you can run with us. Henry needs to train and you are a good motivator for him."

She suddenly doubted that this was about Henry at all.

"You want me to train with you?"

Henry gave up all pretenses. "Come on, Mom. Get your groove back."

"Did you just reference a movie made before you were even born?"

Henry grinned, very much looking his age. "I like that movie."

Emma didn't buy it. At best, there was a good chance that her son liked Angela Bassett.

"So, what do you think, Mrs. M?"

She thought about it for a minute, easily realizing that whatever the reason, this would be a great way to spend some one-on-one time with her son who would be leaving for college in a few short years. "All right."

"Yes!" Henry and Penny high-fived.

"What's this?" They all turned to find a sporty woman pulling her earphones out of her ears as she slowed from a run.

"Oh, hi Coach Midas." Henry grinned. "Training."

Emma stood, trying to hide the shooting pain in her side even though it wouldn’t let her straighten.

"Does this mean that you're actually going to take my advice and go for varsity this year, Mills? I still say that if you do, there is a good chance of a scholarship in your future." She gave Henry and Penny approving nods and then turned to Emma. "Hi, I don't think we've ever actually introduced ourselves. Kathryn."

"Emma." They shook hands, Emma forcing the cramp to allow her to stand and still gasping a little.

"Wow, I never thought I would see the sheriff so out of breath after one lap."

Uh...bitchy. "Are you kidding me, lady?" Emma huffed. "No offense or anything, but screw you!"

Kathryn's semi cold exterior broke and she laughed, bringing Emma along with her.

 

They spent a while longer at the track and by the time they left Emma's spirits were high. She liked Kathryn. She liked the way she kicked her ass just as much as Penny's and Henry's.

They all went for dinner at Granny's much later and Emma found that Kathryn was funny and easily someone she could see as a friend.

* * *

 

 

If the next six weeks could be put into an on-screen montage, it would go as such:

Emma trying to run with the strength and efficiency she was used to and failing.

Emma getting dragged off their living room couch by Henry, sore and moaning.

Kathryn cheering as Emma all but passed out at the finish line.

Emma lapping the track while Penny and Kathryn jumped up and down, like silly cheerleaders.

The whole group working the track stations with zeal.

Emma looking down at her already too loose pants to see that they didn't fit at all anymore.

Pushups. Sit ups. Weight training.

Penny racing Henry.

Henry racing Emma.

Emma racing Penny.

Penny racing Kathryn.

Kathryn racing Emma.

All of them racing Ollie.

All of them pretending to race Bonnie who just giggled and fell over as soon as she saw them.

Henry doing stunning tricks with a soccer ball, grinning as his coach seemed obviously pleased.

Kathryn and Henry playing one-on-one.

Henry putting Emma on her ass as she tried to steal that ball from his skilled feet.

Emma looking at herself in the mirror, dismayed to see she had gotten even skinnier, but pleased to see that when she flexed there was almost muscle there.

Emma hadn't really meant to take it seriously but they were having fun! It was fun!

Soon Emma was having Lilith, Penny's younger sister, show up forty minutes earlier so she could spend time in the living room with the free weights before they hit the track.

Henry was amazing. She would be shocked if he didn't make varsity this year and Emma couldn't have been prouder.

While Emma could already beat him at the half-mile, Henry routinely put her in the grass when it came to soccer and Penny could _lap_ her.

Sometimes Emma brought Ollie, who she found enjoyed running, though not the getting sweaty and dirty part. He would join them, grinning, right up until he noticed that his shoes were dusty or that he was beginning to glisten then he would grow crabby and sit under a tree until they were done.

This made Emma laugh every time because he really was her little princess, wasn't he?

What it all came down to, though, was that Henry was right. The harder she worked, the harder she worked Henry and Penny, the more she felt like herself again. So she worked... _hard_.

She hadn't realized that she had settled for a cheaper version of herself until she was striving to make it better. It was invigorating. It was empowering.

Kathryn had somehow become a regular, always grinning and cheering from the sidelines. She never spoke of it, but Emma thought Kathryn had her own opinions about why Emma was working so hard... which was fair... the entire town knew about how she had lost her ex-husband to Emma's best friend. If anyone knew how to move past a marriage... and cheating... it was Kathryn.

Emma had invited her over for dinner one night and then drinks another. She was easy to get along with. She was just a bit cold and just a bit bitchy, something that Emma found comforting, given her choice of a wife, but she was also hilarious and warm under it all. Most importantly, she seemed to understand exactly what Emma needed just then.

Emma couldn't help but to wonder how it was that she and Kathryn had never become friends before. Yes, Mary-Margaret, who stopped in at the track some days, was a little daunted by the fact that they were friends, but she was willing - as was Kathryn, kind of, to put it aside.

Somehow within the month, the group had become Emma's companions and best friends. She hadn't realized she needed a support foundation but now that she suddenly had it, everything felt a little easier.

Regina's general evasiveness continued and while Emma's concerns, while the ache of missing her and hating her never really died away, Regina began to slip to the back of her mind, becoming an unconscious ache that she only noticed late at night.

Henry, for his part, had been reading everything he could on romancing a lady, taking tips and because of it was absolutely sweeping Penny off her feet.

They would spend the day together and then in the evening Emma would drop Henry and Penny off at the movies, at the park, at the mall, anywhere teenage dates happened.

Finally, just before the end of the month, Henry came home from a date at Granny's looking like he had been hit over the head with a bat.

"What's wrong?"

He looked up, lazily and grinned.

Mmm-hmm, Emma was fairly sure that when she went to Granny's next, Eugenia would tell her all about her son making out in the bushes outside of the diner in proper Ruby fashion.

"Noothin'." He breathed.

"Do you have a fever?" Ollie asked, eyeing his brother.

"No, sweet pea." Emma grinned. "What we're looking at now is young love."

"Young love?" Ollie asked, his eyebrows rose in awe as he stared at his brother. " _I_ want to be in love."

God, this kid was going from six-year-old boy to fourteen-year-old girl at a speed that she couldn't process. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! A wife and kids and a pretty house."

Henry and Emma exchanged surprised looks. _A wife_? Emma wondered if that was just because he didn't really understand himself yet but - she really didn't think so. Was her son going to grow up to be a lesbian or something else entirely?

Emma grinned and nudged him with her toes. "You will be, sweet pea. One day."

"Is there a difference between young love and old love?" He asked, studying his mother.

Emma threw back her head and laughed. Though the question was a valid one. "I think so, yeah. I mean, I can't remember the last time I looked like that."

Henry's bubble popped and he frowned. "I can."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

Emma wasn't really paying attention, too busy enjoying the happiness on her younger son's face, "When?"

"Mom."

Emma's heart fell.

Well.

That just hadn't been nice...or necessary.

 


	41. Chapter 41

**Regina**

* * *

Regina had been keeping her distance since ' _the sex_ ' because she had no idea what else to do. She couldn't look Emma in the face, she couldn't think about it. She couldn’t think about what she had thought, for just a few minutes, it would mean or what it had actually meant.

She felt foolish and dumb.

So she was staying away.

It seemed like a better plan and from the small clues she could pull from Henry, Regina's new distance was only helping Emma.

Which was _great_.

She thought that somewhere deep inside of her it was helping her too... perhaps. Life was easier when she knew she wouldn't have to see her unless she chose to. There were no more awkward attempts at conversation over their children's heads in the foyer when the only thing she wanted to do was find out what needed to happen next between them. No more uncomfortable tries at polite small talk when the things they actually wanted to say were choking them.

They didn't have to deal with one another.

The problem was that she _was_ seeing her.

Regina had finally gone back to work. She was adjusting well to the new but constant ache in the back of her mind that was her want to lose control. Virginia and Ivy were releasing the barrier slowly and she was managing it. She was stable, able to think again. For the most part she was doing well.

Her boss had welcomed her back with open arms and everything had instantly become routine around the office again.

Except...

Every day at 12:30 she gathered her lunch and settled herself in the office's lounge, back pressed into the wall of the small window seat and facing the park.

She would slowly begin to eat, her food catching in her throat until - like clockwork - Emma and Henry would appear in the track loop across the street. Sometimes the two would have Ollie, sometimes Penny. They would run, do a series of push-ups and other strength training, play soccer and laugh...

They were always laughing.

Regina would watch them intently as though they were her favorite television show, her heart aching to be a part of it again.

Something about them was always pulling at the back of her mind, making her uncomfortable. Still, she couldn't look away as they roughhoused and tried to beat one another at every turn.

She found herself frowning when one of them pushed too hard and laughing when they made silly comical mistakes.

She enjoyed it thoroughly, loving it when the whole family came and Emma and Henry got both Bonnie and Ollie involved in their routine.

Then... inexplicably and dreadfully around the middle of her lunch break Regina would stiffen as a new blonde joined them.

It had taken her a few days to remember who the woman was. She had grown concerned until she realized, with a huge wave of relief that she was Kathryn Midas, Henry's soccer coach and she was pretty sure Penny's tennis coach. It was strange that she seemed to show up daily. When Regina first discovered her family there, it almost seemed as though Kathryn had showed up by coincidence, her daily run scheduled for the same time. She always looked surprised, but over time, it seemed clear that she was now coming to purposely meet them.

The discomfort in the back of her mind had increased, but she had ignored it, pleased that the coach was taking an interest in her son and his girlfriend. Henry was training so hard, he deserved some recognition.

Today was only the second time that Emma had gone to the park alone, dressed in her usual shorts and an overly large t-shirt. Regina watched, safe in her little fish tank bubble a hundred yards away, as Emma stretched.

The last time that Emma had come alone it had seemed like such a mournful, solemn occasion for her. Even from across the park Regina had felt Emma's sadness as though running was simply too introspective of a sport and she needed the distraction of the others to keep it fun.

Today seemed as though it was going to be somewhat similar. She watched Emma pop up from the grass and shake out her legs, pulling her hair tightly into a no-nonsense ponytail. Emma began to run, stopping occasionally to do a bit of strength training, her eyebrows were pulled down tight into one line and a small frown on her face.

Regina knew that meant Emma's mind was whirling and twisting something over and over until it was a mangled mess, stressing herself more than necessary. What was it? Was she thinking about her? About them?

When Regina had been the mayor she had been petitioned by a handful of residents to put in small workout stations along the track in the park. Things like pull up bars, a dip station, parallel bars, and the likes. Regina had been concerned it was a waste of taxpayer's money but had eventually agreed, assuming that children would play on them just as much as the adults would use them.

She was thankful she had agreed now as she watched Emma move through the stations.

When she had first begun to watch, Emma had been slow; surprising Regina with her inability to do the types of things that Regina had always known her to do, perhaps even pride herself on being able to do. Her agility was low and she seemed sluggish and tired. But Emma had gone after her old condition with a fervor that had made Regina smile to herself with pride. She wondered if it was the determination for an end result or simply escapism. Just like today, Emma often showed up at the track with frown lines deeply embedded in her face, so much so that Regina could see them from the office window. Emma would laugh with whomever she was there with, running and being silly, but when no one was watching her Emma's face would become worn and haggard. However, often by the time she left after who knew how many laps, those deep frown lines had been smoothed clean again. Until the next day.

She watched Emma for the entirety of her lunch break, her thoughts wandering all afternoon as she tried to work and was relieved when it was time to return back to the inn. Being back at work was necessary but it was also a strain. She had a harder time with social interaction right now and she didn't think it had anything to do with her Craft. She was a woman separated from everything she loved. She just - she didn't have a lot of patience these days.

She walked back to the inn slowly, lost in her thoughts. That was why she had almost run straight into her family.

She turned the corner toward Granny's and it was a familiar shrieking squeal that made her look up. She knew her daughter's noises anywhere.

"Maaabbbbbbbbbah! AaaaaaMMhhhhhaaaah!" Bonnie cried, her arms reaching in the direction of Regina.

Her heart gave a flutter, still not used to her little girl being able to speak at all.

She had missed so much.

Bonnie was clearly the only one to have seen her and for a moment Regina was torn. Did she approach and greet her calling daughter or did she, well, hide?

It only took a moment of consideration before she chose the second option.

She ducked back behind the building, watching as Emma grinned and tickled their daughter's belly, thinking she was calling her.

Regina's first thought, once she was hidden, was absurd. She had a fleeting hope that Emma and their three children had eaten an early dinner before those ice cream cones at this very late point in the afternoon, that Bonnie was _way_ too young for Emma to be sharing her chocolate cone with her, and _where_ were their sweaters?

She shook the critical thoughts off quickly and watched the family as they gathered to cross the street back toward 108.

Ollie was laughing with a bit of strawberry smeared across his cheeks that made Regina want to reach for a napkin. As she watched, Henry rolled his eyes and gave him a playful push which made Emma scoff and in turn push him. Ollie teasingly tried to shove his cone in Henry's face, knowing that his brother hated strawberry ice cream. Emma laughed, resettling Bonnie on her hip and took a lick of Ollie's cone before putting a small dollop on Bonnie's nose, making her blink and go cross-eyed.

The whole family laughed.

Regina felt a wave of warmth as she watched the people she loved. It was a picture perfect moment. It was like a scene out of a movie.

Emma really was looking better. She was back in her old tank tops and tees for the first time in years. Her jeans were still a little awkward, but Regina was sure another month or two and they would fit perfectly again. Her hair was down which was also a new development - and while the curls had been brushed a bit, she looked…. very good. _Very_ good. Regina felt a sudden stirring in her lower belly and blushed. The stirring only grew when Emma bent down and wiped Ollie's face clean in a show of maternal care, making an outrageous face at him as she did it.

Regina swallowed, knowing that was something she was not allowed to feel... even if that feeling had never really left. But really - Emma was very distracting just now. She missed, wanted her embrace.

Henry handed his cone to Emma for a moment, reached down and threw his brother up onto his shoulders. As Regina watched this simple sweet act, a thought wandered through Regina's mind making her warmth dissipate, churning into sudden freezing cold.

The traffic light switched and she watched her family begin to cross the street away from her.

Her breath hitching in her throat, she watched them through blurring eyes until they were far from earshot. She couldn't get a deep breath. Her arms released and everything she was holding suddenly fell as panic rose.

"Regina?"

Her head began to swim as she watched the departing foursome.

"Regina!" Hands grasped her, keeping her upright.

The air was stuck in her lungs, filling as she dragged in little bursts and getting stuck.

Oh god.

“Breathe! Breathe! Slow. Sloooooow. Good."

Regina gagged on nothing and finally the breath bursts from her, releasing and then dragging back in slowly.

Thank god.

She gasped and she was surprised and pleased to see Mary-Margaret's pale face, close to hers, coaching her through the breath. “Mary-Margaret!” She gasped.

Mary-Margaret glanced over her own shoulder and spotted Regina's retreating family. A look of understanding on her face, she steadied Regina. "Are you all right?"

Regina's breathing was relaxing, leaving her chest sore. She nodded. "I apologize. I just -"

"I understand," Mary Margaret cut her off.

Regina nodded and seeing that Mary-Margaret was about to continue talking, she pulled away, forgetting to apologize for her rudeness and fleeing.

Whatever Mary-Margaret had to say, Regina couldn't hear it, not after the horrible realization she had just had.

Her heart was pounding as she walked, legs stiff, head down, replaying the faces of her family.

They had all... looked happy. All of them. Emma _and_ the children.

They seemed... content.

Regina had never thought about it, not fully anyway.

But if she had, then she would have assumed that her absence would always leave a hole in the group... it would always be felt... be noted. After all... that was _her_ family. That was _her_ wife... and _her_ children.

Even if there was a time where she was no longer a part of them... she would always belong to them, right? She would always be wanted.

But they had adjusted, each member of the family shifting a bit so that her gap could be filled.

She still cried herself to sleep a few times a week, which was a great improvement on how it had been. That night, however, when she slipped between the sheets of her foreign bed, she cried as she hadn't cried in weeks. She cried until her body wore out and she slipped into a lonely slumber.

 

The next morning she woke and did what she always did. She rose, got ready for work and before leaving the inn for the morning she took a deep breath and buried it all - all of the hurt, all of the pain, all of the need. She buried it, put on a politely pleasant face and began her day.

She had to because if she didn't then she would be the person she had been right after Emma had asked her to leave. She would lash out at people, yelping and crying out like a wounded animal on the side of the road and she couldn't have that.

* * *

 

She had forgotten her lunch that day, distracted by her thoughts from the night before. So she settled beside the window, her ache still twinging, sipping a cup of unsatisfying black coffee. She wanted to watch. Now that she had realized, she wanted to see if they were really happy or if they were making due.

She didn't know what it would mean but if they were happy without her then wasn't that something she should take note of? Maybe - now that Henry was back home - she should just slip quietly out of town and leave them to their new found peace. Her office had a Boston branch, perhaps she could transfer.

The problem was, she couldn't tell if that thought was dramatic and silly or if that was a genuine concern.

Henry and Emma were early today, she noted as she settled. They were already lightly jogging around the track. As usual, a few minutes later Penny joined them and they picked up their pace.

She watched, enjoying the show as her wife and her son giggled together and jumped around. They pushed at one another as though they were both teenage boys and then, as if to settle an argument, Regina watched and laughed silently behind her hand as Penny orchestrated a pull-up contest. It was funny and very cute from Henry’s girlfriend but it also hurt a bit knowing that should have been her job.

Henry, who had the benefit of being a teenager on his side, smoked Emma and in retribution her wife tackled Henry, tickling him as _only_ Emma could do.

Her laughter died and Regina's stomach flopped. From across the street as she watched the new blonde stroll up and exchange greetings with everyone.

She hated the feeling and wished she could figure out what it was supposed to mean.

Was she just jealous? Probably.

She did her best to ignore the coach, feeling an odd pleasure as she watched Emma and Henry work together, encouraging one another with obvious love and affection.

Henry and Emma crouched at the head of the track, nodding to the other two. Kathryn clapped her hands and they shot off with surprising speed. Regina held her breath as she would have done had she been the one down there. She knew Emma wanted to win, that some part of her pride was tied up in it. It didn't look like she was going to but then at the last second Emma shot forward, overtaking him. Regina had felt an sense of pride as she watched. Her chest began to glow warm and - just as the night before - she felt as though a bucket of cold water had been dropped on her when in her excitement and mid victory dance Emma tripped and the new blonde caught her, wrapping her arm tightly around Emma's waist.

Regina's Styrofoam cup of lukewarm office coffee exploded, spraying and staining her cream colored blouse as her fingers convulsed into a fist.

She didn't notice.

Oh god.

Every second that Kathryn's arm was around Emma, laughing and high fiving her, felt like a lifetime. Regina snarled, wanting to suddenly rip the woman apart.

Was this it? Was this what that nagging sensation had been telling her?

Did - Did Emma have a _girlfriend_?

She stood on unsteady legs as Kathryn finally released her, feeling better for a millisecond. Then Kathryn gave Emma's ass a quick slap.

Her vision pulsed and the water cooler a few feet away suddenly began to boil making Marge the office busy body scream and drop the cup she had been filling.

 _Of course,_ Emma had a new girlfriend. No wonder…

God. What did she do now?

 

She found herself extraordinarily good at her job that afternoon, diving into it like a mad woman. It was release. She got a break when she was focusing on that. Still, her mind tumbled over and over that little could be innocent smack, picturing the slip second that Kathryn’s hand was on her wife that way. What did it mean? Surely if Emma was going to move on, then they had to discuss it first, right? They were only separated. They had never agreed to move on, they had never agreed to see anyone else. This was something they needed to _discuss_.

What did she do now?

Did she have a right to be angry? She was sure she did. But what did she do about her anger?

 _What did this mean_?

It hadn't even been six months since they separated. If Emma had moved on so quickly then surely that had to be significant.

How _dare_ she!

Regina was not trash to be thrown away.

Emma couldn't simply dump her in a bin and move on.

That was not how this worked.

And for the first time since Regina had walked out of her home, she got mad - honestly, truly mad.

Emma wanted to move on, huh? Emma wanted to move on without ever talking to her?

Well.

She didn't get to.

No!

She didn't get to simply decide what was happening between them - with them - all on her own.

She stormed out of the office that evening and, unsure that she could keep her mouth politely shut if she saw Emma, she decided to stay in her room and stew.

She changed into her pajamas and paced - and paced - and paced - and paced.

Only when she got a complaint about the repetitive noise did Regina sit down on the bed to think.

 

_Five Years Before_

 

_Regina's stomach was a wreck of knots. She had tried taking a long, hot shower which was something that usually helped but, this time, it simply hadn't. Frustrated, she had modestly wrapped herself in a warm, fluffy towel and settled at the window, watching the snow fall and thinking._

_There had to be more, she couldn't just walk away from those two poor orphaned children. There had to be more that she and her superiors could do!_

_She didn’t hear Emma come in behind her. As a matter of fact, she didn't realize that she was there until she felt two soft hands comb through her hair, lightly scratching her scalp. Regina sighed. They stood there together for a while, watching the snow as Emma combed her hair until, with a sigh, Emma flipped it over and softly kissed the tense muscles of Regina's neck._

_"You've done all you can do, my love." Emma's arms wrapped around her tightly, offering support and Regina gratefully held on to them, needing them._

_"There must be more.” She hissed, her stomach boiling. “There has to be some guarantee that they will see justice, some promise I can make them -"_

_"You've done all you can do and you did more than they could have ever hoped for. The guilty party was caught because of you. They found a relative because of you. You did your job, Regina and you did it well."_

_Regina's eyes closed as she felt Emma's lips intimately brush and then press against her neck. She took a deep breath and pulled all of the comfort from her that she could._

_"You have to stop stressing about it," Emma sighed, slipped her hand into the towel and gently cupping her breast for a moment before continuing down her stomach and then back up to her throat._

_"I don't know how to do that."_

_"I know." Emma kissed her ear._

_Regina let her eyes close, feeling simultaneously aroused and soothed all at once._

_"You just need to make it through this evening and then you'll see. You'll go into the office and it will all be worked out."_

_She nodded once, just a bit and leaned into Emma's touch. "Hello, lover." She sighed and turning, caught Emma's lips, kissing her slowly, passionately, letting her mouth open and taking Emma in, not to build toward sex but simply to feel her._

_Emma's lips left hers and slid across her cheek to her temple. Regina's fingers pushed through her hair, holding her face to hers, enjoying it when Emma simply stayed there against her._

_"You're right, I'm sure it will all work out by tomorrow."_

_"Mm-hmm." Emma's arms held tighter around Regina and, nestling her chin into the crook of Regina's neck, they stood together to watch the little flakes come down for a while longer._

 

Why was she crying? She sat up in her bed unconcerned by the darkness of the room, too occupied by the sudden and intense tears. She pulled her pillow into her lap and wept into it, but she didn't understand why.

That dream - memory really, had been such a nice moment - so why was she crying?

She thought of the feel of Emma's lips against her neck and cried all the harder.

She was feeling grief and relief in such equal portions that she couldn't understand.

' _Hello, lover._ ' She had forgotten that she used to call Emma that in intimate moments.

Lover.

That's right. Goodness.

Was it -

Yes -

\- that had been Emma, her wife, her best friend, her lover -

\- that had been Emma her _lover_.

When was the last time that she had felt that way?

She finally understood and it was terrible.

This is what Regina had been missing before Mal and everything that had happened. This is the 'it' she couldn't put her finger on since this whole thing began.

Emma, her lover.

God, she missed Emma her lover because they hadn't been lovers for such a long time, had they?

They loved one another, so much even, but they hadn't been lovers.

Seeing her today in the arms of... ugh!

Now she understood. Her dreams had finally told her. She knew she had grasped one of the final puzzle pieces that Virginia had spoken of.

She fell back onto the pillow, her tears continuing to come but now they were tears of relief.

She hadn't known how to fix whatever problem that had helped this situation into existence because she hadn't known what it was. But know she knew.

Thank god, now she knew!

Emma might have taken a new lover - or a girlfriend - or a date or a fuck - but Regina knew what was missing - and now she knew how to fight.

What she didn't know was what the hell the last puzzle piece was.


	42. Chapter 42

**Regina**

* * *

It took her another two weeks to gather her courage, but finally she hovered outside of the front door on a Friday afternoon, unsure. She had been feeling such a strange mix of things since she had awoken in the middle of the night with her realization and she didn't know how to react. She had been watching Emma and Kathryn like a hawk for any other sign of a possible romance between the two, unsure of exactly what she would do if she saw it. She had been watching and she had been thinking.

Virginia and Ivy thought that the realization was important. When she saw them next Virginia had cried and kissed her cheek, telling her she was almost there, which had honestly baffled Regina. Couldn't they just tell her what else she was missing... and what it was that she was almost _to_? _Why_ did they have to speak in riddles?

Now that she was _aware_ of the hole that had needed to be filled since long before Mal had arrived, her only certainty was that she wanted it filled with the fierceness of a lion. Emma's possible new relationship had forced her to not only give herself permission to want it but also demanded she _take_ that want, to own it and make it hers. Suddenly keeping her distance no longer felt like an option. So here she was, gathering her courage to knock on her own front door.

Just do it.

She took a deep breath and, wincing, she knocked.

The sight that she was met with when the door opened could have easily knocked her backward. It really didn't help this new demanding desire, did it? She cleared her throat and blinked, then looked away.

"Crap!" Emma said, clearly without meaning to. She didn't know who Emma was expecting but it hadn't been her. Possibly _Kathryn_? "Oh, uh, sorry." Emma’s cheeks pinked.

"It's um, quite alright."

Emma was in the smallest pair of shorts that Regina had ever seen and a messy white spaghetti strap tank, her face, arms, and legs covered with foamy multicolored goo.

She looked like she had been to a 'Life In Color' paint party and it was distracting. Why was she desiring her so much more now? Then again, had she ever really stopped?

"You're early.” Emma said and it sounded like an accusation. “Henry like _just_ got home from school."

 _School_. Right. This had been the first week back to school, hadn't it?

"I apologize, I was off work a little early and I thought I would help get the children ready... if you needed it."

Emma scowled. "Been a long time."

Since she helped? Since she had shown up? Since they spoke? Unable to read what Emma really meant, Regina decided to play dumb. "Has it?"

Emma's eyebrow popped, but she let her in. "Bonnie and I were foam painting in the bath."

"I see."

Emma ignored her. "Ollie, Mom is here."

"Mom's here?" Henry asked, openly baffled. "Like here, here?" Apparently he had also noticed that she had been keeping her distance.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Emma shake her head in confusion and gather her surprisingly curly hair, smearing a streak of pink through the blonde waves. Regina opened her mouth to say something but closed it again, doubting that would be welcome. Instead, she stepped around the corner and into the living room, "Hello, Henry."

Her son was sitting on the couch, wrapped around Penny from behind as they shared a video game remote. His surprise was evident on his face, looking like a trapped dear. He looked away quickly.

She sighed and turned back to Emma, unable to fully look at her. It was uncomfortable now that she knew what she wanted again, now that she had given herself permission, in a way, to want it again. "What exactly is foam paint?" It was the first unrelated to the children thing she had asked her in months and she could tell Emma wasn't sure if she wanted to answer.

Her eyes narrowed but instead of rebuffing her, she jerked her head toward the stairs and started up them.

Regina followed, trying not to feel hopefully pleased.

They entered the bathroom that had until not long ago been theirs and immediately started to laugh. Ollie was standing in the center of the tub, dancing for the benefit of his sister, both covered in a rainbow of what looked to be multi-colored shaving cream.

"Oh my goodness! Look at you two!" Regina laughed, carefully lifting Bonnie so the foam stayed off of her clothes and kissed her face.

"Hi, Mommy!"

"Oh, my!" Regina laughed and then laughed again noticing the tiny underwear he was wearing. "We need to get you some new underwear!"

Emma rolled her eyes and spoke to Ollie rather than Regina. "We did, didn't we?"

Ollie's nose crinkled and frowned.

"We looked everywhere because he wanted pirate undies and _finally_ found them. Only, they were boxer briefs. At the time, he said he wanted them..."

"Ahh." Regina nodded, this had happened once before. "And now he won't wear them?"

"Right. Says they're uncomfortable. Wants pirate briefs or panties."

"Well.” Regina sighed. “We can go shopping this weekend."

Regina couldn't read the look that passed through Emma's face but eventually Emma nodded and very politely thanked her.

"Okay!" Emma said with a clap, jerking herself obviously out of whatever was happening in her head. "Let's get all clean. Mommy is waiting for you."

Soon Emma had pulled Henry out of the video game pretzel he had created with his girlfriend and had Ollie grab his bags.

Regina was waiting in the foyer with a slightly damp Bonnie, playing a game of kiss the neck and making Bonnie shriek when both boys were ready. "Okay, into the car!" Regina was feeling... she was feeling almost good. She had only been in the house for about twenty minutes but that was more than she had in a long time and Emma hadn't yelled at her, or thrown anything, or cried. She didn't look entirely pleased either but it was nice.

Thank god, because she _did_ have one thing she had to talk to Emma about.

Tickling Bonnie's neck with her nose one more time she turned just before she left. "Um-"

Emma blinked, surprised when Regina stopped and nearly running into her.

"Emma..." she started tentatively. "I know we discussed... _emailing_..."

"Ollie's birthday, right."

"Yes. Somehow we seem to have lost all of our time. I was thinking that perhaps next week I should just come over a little bit early and we could discuss…" she let her words trail off with a wave of her hand, not really liking the uncomfortable way that Emma shifted.

Out in the driveway a car honked. Regina turned automatically and felt herself blanch when she realized it was _the coach_ pulling up in front of the house.

She opened her mouth to ask what the _fuck_ she was doing there, but Emma spoke first. "Actually yeah, I was thinking that we need to have a talk with Ollie too."

"Oh?" She resettled Bonnie on her hip, holding the tiny fist that kept trying to grab her lipstick. She heard feet on the walkway and refused to look, she wouldn't look at her. All the positivity she had gathered from successfully being there was draining from her fast.

"Yeah, I think we need to talk to him about his hair and stuff."

"Oh?"

"Hey, Em!" Kathryn said, reaching the porch and the open door. "Oh! Uh, hi Regina."

 _Em_?

Stiffly Regina turned and gave her half a nod, noting her baseball shirt and longish shorts. Guess _that_ answers whether or not Kathryn was gay.

"Yeah,” Emma continued, not at all perturbed by Kathryn’s sudden appearance. “With Penny around so much I've noticed that he is getting kind of curious about makeup and doing his hair. He keeps talking about wanting to be pretty."

"Oh god, yeah," Kathryn interjected, making a knife of anger jab at Regina. "Even in the last week, I've noticed more of that."

Who the hell was _she_ to get involved in a conversation about their children?

Turning slightly so her back was to Kathryn she lowered her voice, successfully excluding the other blonde. "Do you think we need to check in with him about his pronoun? We always said we should discuss it with him if things looked like they were moving that way."

"I think so...” Emma shrugged. “I thought you would want to be there."

The air grew awkward between the three of them as they all fell silent.

"Thank you. We will discuss it later in the week if that suits you." She could see the confusion in Emma's face about Regina's sudden frigid responses and she mentally cursed. But she didn't know how to not be rude, not when this bitch was rubbing her daughter's back as though she had a right to.

She gave them another half nod and left, her back straight and her breath fast as she tried to control the crushing want to reach through thin air and grab the woman by the throat.

"Err, come in." She heard Emma say to Kathryn as she was buckling Bonnie into her seat.

Regina couldn't help it. She gave a small flick and she heard a yelp.

"Jesus, are you okay?"

Regina grinned to herself as she heard Kathryn answer with obvious confusion that she must have tripped.

"So boys.” She asked with a big smile. “How was your first week?"

* * *

The weekend was decent enough. They went shopping the following day, getting Ollie a few new packs of undies as well as new boxers for Henry. It made her realize that they needed to start potty training Bonnie soon. Oh god, _how_ were they going to do that when they were switching between two households? _How_ was she going to do that from Granny's Inn?

She decided to add that to the list of things she needed to discuss with Emma.

Regina tried, subtly to get information on Kathryn out of Henry and Ollie all weekend but Henry, too smart for her, had seen through her in a second and refused to tell. Ollie was too young to understand. He just kept insisting that Kathryn was awesome and that she and Mommy were friends.

By late Sunday afternoon, Regina was sad, as she always was, to give the children back and frustrated that she had gotten nowhere on the my-wife-has-a-girlfriend front. Perhaps it had been foolish for her to try and get her information from her children. She just couldn't imagine trying to approach Emma about the subject. Emma specifically hadn't told her, right? After all, Regina was only a phone call away. It wasn't as though it would have been difficult to tell her.

She pulled up to the house and sighed, wondering if there was any point in going to the door with them. She had felt so encouraged when she had picked them up, sure in her new discovery, but Henry and Oliver had talked about Kathryn so much that Regina already felt like _she_ had been demoted to new stepmother and Kathryn had taken Regina's rightful place. Even Bonnie had seen Henry's soccer ball and said something that sounded a lot like 'Kathy'.

Still. She might as well.

She unclipped her seatbelt and followed Ollie as he sprinted up the front walk.

"Why are you coming up?" Henry asked, blowing by her and into the house.

"Ouch." She called after him, her mood dropping further.

She rounded the corner into the living room and her mood dropped altogether, seeing Emma just pulling out of a hug with _Kathryn_.

They both paused, startled before she said, "Bye, Em.” And with a stiff nod added, “Good to see you, Regina."

Regina watched her go, tasting iron. "Here when I left, still here when I came back." They weren't just dating... they were _fucking_. They were spending-the-weekend-together _fucking._

A snarl of petulant anger washed through her as she unfairly felt annoyed that Emma had shown little interest in sex with her but apparently had moved on to another woman willingly enough. Her own thoughts stung her and she winced. What had been wrong with her? And what was so right about Kathryn?

"What?" Emma asked, wiping under her eyes.

Had Emma been crying? Was the sex that good?

"Oh, nothing." She released Bonnie but the little girl clung to her leg, trying to be picked back up. Regina did so without thinking and was pleased when Bonnie rested her head on Regina's shoulder. "How was your weekend?" she hedged.

Emma shrugged, gathering a few toys and plopping them into the basket. "I've been back to working out and, I don't know, trying to take better care of myself for a while now. I really focused on that this weekend. It was... nice. I went to a weight training class and it kicked my ass."

Regina nodded and they fell into awkward silence again.

"Anyway, I suppose I should go." She tried to hand Bonnie over but the girl wouldn't go. They shared an awkward laugh.

"Maybe we should talk about Ollie's birthday until she's done - err - cuddling?"

Surprised, Regina agreed before Emma could change her mind.

She wasn't prepared for this at all. She thought that maybe they would decide _when_ to talk... and then she could build up to it.

Emma took a seat at the kitchen table and looked at her expectantly so, doing her best to look calm and cool, Regina crossed to the kitchen island and picked up the pad of paper that always lived there, then sat down across from her. It was uncomfortable how strange it felt to sit there in the middle of the house she had originally purchased, in the room that she had decorated. She had so many memories here and yet, the longer she was gone the less it felt like her own.

Maybe it really was time to think of getting an apartment or perhaps a condo.

"So…" She said when Emma just continued to stare at her.

"Uh, yeah. So he says he wants My Little Pony but I think it will be like the underwear and he'll want it until he has it."

"All right."

"So I was thinking we should do something else."

"Right. Perhaps we should stay away from anything too specific."

"We could do his favorite colors?"

"Pink and blue, that's a good idea."

They talked for a while, stiffly and politely but without conflict. Bonnie had fallen into a doze on Regina's shoulder, her thumb in her mouth.

After a little while, the doorbell rang.

"That'll be Penny.” Emma mumbled and called, “Come in, Penny!"

The door cracked, "Thanks, Mrs. M - oh! Mrs. Mills. It's good to see you too, ma'am."

Regina cracked a smile.

"Is Ollie here?"

"Ollie?" Regina frowned.

"Yeah, I have something for him." She held up a small gift bag.

"That's nice of you, dear. I think he's up in his room."

Penny nodded and started up the stairs.

A few minutes later there was a high pitched screech that woke Bonnie, bringing her to tears. Ollie came tearing down the stairs.

"MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!" He slammed into Regina's legs and held up his gift, "LOOK!"

Emma and Regina looked down at a small, fairly neutrally colored makeup palette.

"PENNY BROUGHT IT FOR _ME_!"

Regina smiled at her boy, a flutter of worry crossing her heart as it always did at times like these. "Did you say thank you?"

"Thank you, Penny!" He threw his arms around the girl and kissed her cheek. "Mommy, can I try it on?" He asked, curling up to Emma and batting his eyelashes hopefully.

Emma's mouth opened and she looked at Regina. There was no need for Emma to say anything, Regina understood. This was a perfect time to have that talk.

"Um, sure. Penny, are you staying?"

"No, I haven't run yet today so I should go and do that."

"All right, sweetie," Regina sighed, finally setting Bonnie down. "Thank you for the gift."

Penny beamed.

They waited for the door to click closed. "Ollie, why don't you run upstairs and ask your brother to watch Bonnie, please. And when he asks why tell him because I said so."

He nodded at Emma excitedly and shot up the stairs.

"Are we sure he's old enough?"

Emma frowned. "I'm never sure about anything when it comes to Ollie. Kind of working off book here."

Regina let out a light laugh. That was definitely true.

"Are we still in agreement that if he changes his mind, if he wants to start being seen as a girl, that we will let him?"

Emma nodded once, looking nervous.

"All right."

They had, as a parenting team, had this conversation twice with Ollie. The first time had not gone well. It had been post the Storybrooke dress freak out and Ollie had been so upset that the talk had consisted of tears more than anything else. With that in mind, they had tried to make the second talk fun. There had been a trip to the ice cream parlor. It was something of a touchy subject for their child so... how were they going to get around that? Perhaps he was old enough that it wouldn't be so bad.

Upstairs Regina stripped Ollie of his shirt so it wouldn't get dirty and then spent a moment washing her face, removing her own makeup.

"Why are you doin' that?" Ollie asked studying the makeup kit.

"Well, if I want to show you how to put it on then I have to take mine off first, right?" She reached into the second drawer on the right and pulled out her makeup remover, trying not to read into the fact that it was still there - that _all_ of her things were still in their proper place, everything from her brush on the sink to her bottle of perfume in the medicine cabinet.

She needn’t have worried about making it fun. Emma, it seemed, was already on it. From behind them, she heard Emma put on some upbeat music. Ollie grinned, his shoulders shaking.

"Whooo! Go kid!" Emma called, dancing her way over to him.

Regina smiled softly. It was strange watching Emma pretend at giddy playfulness. It pained her how deeply she wished it were real.

"Okay now.” She tried to make her voice playful too. “Crawl up here, sweet pea."

Emma picked him by the underarms and hoisted him up onto the counter. Instead of sitting, Ollie began to dance on the counter, shaking his little butt. Emma joined him and they spent a minute shaking their little booties while Regina, who wanted to join in but just - couldn't, gathered the rest of the makeup needed to do her basic face.

"Okay, kiddo." Emma grinned at him. "Take a seat."

“Are you ready?” Regina asked, wondering why her voice was so congested.

“Yes, please.”

Ollie did his best not to squirm with excitement as Regina spoke to him in a low voice, telling him all about each and every little thing she did as she painted soft colors onto her face and then his. She whispered tips about how to keep your makeup light, how to contour and how to make your eyes sparkle. She knew that most of it was going over his head or would be forgotten by the time that it was time for him to do his own, if that time ever came. Still she was enjoying the intimate time with him and he, for now, was soaking up every word and movement. Eventually she fell silent, working instead of talking as Ollie nodded along. She showed him how to do this and how to do that, working mostly on autopilot. Absentmindedly, she began to hum. Ollie grinned and started to sing along to the song she had sung to him for years. "Too ra loo ra loo ral! Too ra loo ra li!"

Regina smiled to herself as she hummed. Growing up, it was the song her nanny had sung to her and now she sang it to all of her children.

Emma leaned against the door frame watching.

"Now, Ollie," Regina began picking up her lipstick and the brush she used to shade it. It was all so much easier then she could just Craft her face on, she thought. "Just because we're showing you this today, sweet pea, doesn't mean you get to wear it, yet."

"I don't?" His darkened eyes fell.

"I know it's fun and it makes you feel pretty, buddy." Emma jumped in. "But you're just not old enough."

"When I was a little girl I wanted to start wearing makeup too but you know what my mommy said?" Regina brushed his long hair behind his ear as she spoke and put the finishing touches on his face. The makeup was a little dark as she had modeled it after her own and she wore her lipstick deeply red and her eyes darkly lined and smoky.

"That you were too little?"

"Exactly, but you will get there. Okay, sweetie, we're all done. Are you ready?"

He spun around and his mouth popped open. "Woooooow, Mommy, look!"

Regina wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into her and kissed his cheek. "I see. You're so pretty!"

Emma stepped up behind her and Regina could tell that Emma wanted to join them in the embrace. Regina's small flame of hope ignited as she thought of what it would feel like to have Emma wrap her arms around them, sealing in the affection like she had done a million times over their life. Oh god, she wanted it. Emma's hand reached out but then their eyes caught in the mirror. Regina began to smile but before it could fully form Emma had looked away, breaking the contact and stepping back. It made the spot where her body would have been feel too cold, too uncomfortable and exposed.

"But you're always pretty!" Regina cried with false joy and gave him a big kiss on the cheek, covering the moment before she could start tearing.

"Now for your hair!" Emma gave him her own plastic grin and cheered.

Regina released him and he hopped down to stand in front of the mirror, waiting.

Emma began running her fingers through his hair, "Regina, will you please get my brush? I forgot it in the bedroom."

“She’s not _Regina,_ she’s babe!” Ollie insisted, a look of annoyance on his face.

Despite the sudden thick tension, Emma snorted.

Regina had frozen, not sure how to react. She _had_ been ‘babe’ once. She was glad someone remembered.

“Uh...” Emma looked around, obviously uncomfortable. “Brush?”

She nodded once and headed into what was once their room.

It was strange. The room felt different. The smell was all wrong, purely Emma. For an uncomfortable moment, Regina felt was though she was trespassing into someone else's space. She sniffed but she couldn't find a trace of Kathryn. That was something at least.

Shaking her head and trying not to think about it, she looked around for the brush. It took her a second but she eventually spotted it on the bed, up by the pillows.

She picked it up but then was distracted by the book beside the bed; _'Healing Your Marriage When Trust Has Been Broken'._ Shocked, she didn't even realize that she was flipping through the other books in the pile. Once she caught herself, she couldn’t stop. They all had soft bindings which told her that they all had been read and probably read more once. ' _The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure'_ and _'Knowing When to Fix it and When To Throw It Away'_ gave her a flicker of hope. These were books about _not_ getting divorced, these were books about moving on, loving your cheating shit of a partner again.

Kathryn's face popped into her mind again and she scowled, dropping the book back in place. Or they could be about moving on to someone new.

She picked up the last book without thought. The title sent a prickle of cold though her veins. _'The Two Sided Affair'_.

She stared at the title, dumbstruck. What did that mean?

Did that –

Was she –

Her mind stumbled over its words in her horror.

What did this book mean?

She looked around desperately as though the room would offer her some insight. She could hear Emma talking to Ollie, explaining that if he wanted his hair long like this then _he_ would be in charge of managing it. There was nothing that would answer her questions. She wanted to pull the information she was seeking from the walls.

Upset, she was just about to give up when she bumped her wife's pillow and saw the corner of another book pop out.

Carefully, eyes on the bathroom, she pulled the book free. This one was obviously the most read of the lot. The binding was almost broken and when she flipped through the pages there was no mistaking the small water spots throughout for anything other than tears. This book made her feel sick.

 _'My Wife Cheated But It's My Fault'_.

Surely that couldn't be where Emma's thoughts were. Was she really _blaming_ herself so much?

"Regina? Can you not find it?"

Regina jumped hard, her heart giving a guilty _whack_. “Coming.” She shoved the book back under the pillow. "I apologize. I got distracted by a text message." She clicked back into the bathroom and tried to smile, handing her the brush. She was sure the smile was off kilter, and didn’t look at all natural.

Emma didn’t see. She just nodded a bit and turned back to their son.

It was her turn to stand in the background and watch, and though she kept a small smile on her mind was back with that book.

She couldn't let Emma think that way. It wasn't right.

 _How_ could Emma think that?

The feeling of Emma's eyes on hers pulled her from her thoughts and for a moment she flushed so bright that her skin burned, thinking she had been caught. But no, Emma was just letting her know that she was going to bring up the reason why they were here. She nodded and tried to focus.

"You know, Ollie," Emma said as she showed him how to scrunch his curls. "I've been thinking about it and if you wanted to go by a different name that would be okay."

Ollie blinked up at her mid scrunch, confused.

"I mean, if you wanted to go by Allie, or Olive, or something totally different like Jessie, you know that Mom and I would be okay with it, right?"

"You mean if I wanted to have a girl's name?" He asked, staring at her with an intensity that should have left burn marks in Emma's skin.

"Yes, sweetie," Regina said for her.

He looked between them confused, so Regina made her attempt. "Sometimes when people are born, sweet pea, they are made to be so strong, so wise that they are given a few more struggles than everyone else. Sometimes for people like Mommy and I, it is to realize that we love a little differently than some people. For others it might be that perhaps their body tells them that they are a little boy but in here," she touched his chest "and in here," she touched his forehead, "they know that they aren't."

Ollie stared at her for a moment and then frowned. "Are you asking me if I want to be a girl again, Moms?"

Regina almost smiled.

Emma bent down with Regina, nearly tipping and steadying herself on Regina's knee, distracting Regina out of her next words. Emma stepped in.

"What we are doing is telling you that if that is what you want then it's okay with us."

He nodded, looking between them, his little eyebrows working as he thought. Finally, he sighed, looking upset. "Do I have to?"

Emma and Regina shared a surprised look.

"What do you mean, sweet pea?"

He turned back to the mirror and continued working on his hair. "I mean, can't I just be Ollie? Do I have to be a boy or a girl? Can I just be Ollie?"

Regina smiled, amazed as to how someone so wonderful, so wise could have possibly come from the two of them. "I think that sounds great, sweetheart."

He grinned and clumsily tried to fix his lipstick.

"All right, why don't you get your dress on, hmm?"

Ollie grinned.

"Get your dress on and then you can show off for your brother and sister!"

"Okay!"

He ran from the room leaving his mothers behind in tense silence.

"I don't know what I expected him to say," Emma chuckled.

"No, nor do, I but I think he just proved that he's smarter than either of us."

"That's for sure."

Regina paused. Should she bring the book up? She wanted to desperately, but no, Emma would be offended that she had been going through her things - which - she had. Instead she said, "Thank you for including me."

Emma froze, eyes darting to Regina and away then back again. "Um. You're welcome."

There was a tense silence for a bit longer before Emma huffed. "I'll go help Ollie."

"Okay." Regina watched her go at lightning speed, her heart thrumming. It was as though those golden tendrils that she had seen with Virginia and Ivy had been slowly creeping from Regina's chest again, trying to settle into Emma's and her abrupt departure left them hanging there, limp and alone.

It hurt.

It always hurt.

It all hurt.

She deserved it.

She cleared her throat and turned off the bathroom light but she was distracted again as she went through the bedroom.

Before she could let herself think about it, she conjured a small Post-It pad, wrote a small note on it and placed it inside the front cover of the book under her pillow.

 

" _Dearest Emma,_

_It is not your fault._

_Love,_

_Regina_ "

 


	43. Chapter 43

**Regina**

* * *

Next had come dancing as it often did in the Mills household. Regina had put on some music for Ollie to strut in like a supermodel with; while she, Emma, Henry, and Bonnie cheered and clapped. Then with an excited giggle, Ollie had begun to shake his butt and everyone else had followed suit.

It was an occurrence that happened a thousand times and it was always as natural and happy as anything, but for the first time Regina was unsure. Should she join them or should she silently slip away? In the days of old, she would have been gathered into the arms of her wife to dance or she would have forced Henry to dance with her, ignoring his teenage embarrassment. Since neither of those things was going to happen now, but she couldn't stand the idea of leaving the festivities behind. So she had put Bonnie down and danced with her, holding her little hands and twisting back and forth.

Thankfully, after a few songs, she had been enveloped into the circle. No one seemed to mind or even think twice about the fact that she was there. She stayed clear of Henry and she stayed clear of Emma but  it had been fun... almost like having her life back for just a few blissful minutes.

When the dancing was over Regina had found that she didn't really want to go. Without being asked and hoping no one would notice, she slipped upstairs and got Bonnie ready for bed then put her down while Emma helped Ollie get his makeup off and got him ready for bed.

Both children down, she had come back down to the living room and was met with Henry's sharp gaze. He didn't need to say anything, his glare read 'why are you still here' loud and clear.

She wanted to say something to him, but she had no idea what. Perhaps it was being back in her home, perhaps it was the little bit of time she spent with her family. Since words were failing her she had simply forced him to stand up. He protested, but she just wrapped her arms around him, breathing in his clean scent and squeezing with everything she had. He tried to pull away, but Regina ignored him until he went limp, waiting for it to be over. Then she had pulled away, only a little, and had brushed his hair from his eyes, caressed his cheek and then holding his chin so he had to look at her she said, "I'm so sorry, my love." She said it with all the sincerity that she had to give. "You're right to be mad at me and it's okay. I understand. But I love you, and I'm here if and when you decide to forgive me."

Henry had looked so surprised that Regina hadn't been able to say anything else.

She didn't want to leave. Leaving didn't feel right.

But she couldn't stay so after she released Henry she turned and marched out of the front door before she could be tempted to find wherever Emma was hiding herself. She closed the door and paused, taking a second to steady herself on the other side, breathing deeply and trying to work out the knot in her chest. She only allowed herself a moment, else she would turn and go back in. Then started toward her inn.

She hadn't slept well that night, her mind too full wondering what her son was thinking, wondering if Emma had gotten her note and if so, what she thought of it.

 

The next morning at work she was dragging. She waited for Emma to show up during her lunch break and grew anxious when she didn't.

Later in the afternoon Regina checked again and was pleased to find that she had simply waited to go with Henry after school. She settled for a 'coffee break' and watched them from the office window as usual. She curled into herself in the small window space, trying to pull all the information she needed from Emma's face.

Of course she saw nothing of use, but she was pleased that, for whatever reason, Kathryn did not show up.

As she watched she let her mind wander, stifling a few yawns.

She really wished that she wasn't so tired today. She had the twins soon and she wasn't sure how she could get through it this exhausted.

 

As it turned out that she had every reason to be concerned.

Ivy had taken one look at her as she entered the cottage and had given Virginia a dry, 'I told you so' look.

"What?" She didn't like that look. She never liked it when they looked at one another like that. It always meant something significant was about to happen or that it had already happened and she was simply too stupid to realize. Either way with her worries about Kathryn, about where she would be living over the next few months, Henry, work and everything else, she wasn't sure that she could handle whatever it was. "What?" She asked again when Virginia's eyes narrowed on her. " _What_?"

Virginia sighed, unhappily but nodded in response to Ivy.

" _Virginia_!"

Ivy rose and wrapped her in a brisk hug.

"Ivy? You're making me nervous."

"There is only one more thing that we can do for you." Ivy had said, ominously.

 

That was how she had gotten to where was now, sick and trying hard not to claw her way out of her skin.

They had removed it.

They had – _removed_ it. All of it.

Those damned old witch bitches had removed the barrier entirely.

They hadn't warned her. They hadn't _discussed_ it with her. Nothing. They had simply removed it, given her a kiss and then promised they would see her at Ollie's birthday party, though she had yet to invite them, and - yes, by the way, they would make Emma's favorite cake. She hadn’t even been aware she was going to ask them to make the cake.

The room rolled again and Regina closed her eyes against it, fighting the terrible itching thirst.

She just needed to fall asleep. Experience had shown her that when it was too much she could just go to sleep and in the morning it would be better, tolerable. She would center herself in her sleep and start off on more solid ground. It had happened so suddenly that she felt as though she was trying to balance on one leg. She hadn’t been prepared. If she could just sleep...

She felt... vast... as though there was a cathedral of space inside of her or a storming, raging universe all at her merciless command. She knew that if she could just gather it she would feel strong, invincible but instead she was cowering in fear, afraid to move else lose control and have to start over again. It was as though she were standing on a knife's edge and any little mental movement could throw her over.

She rolled over into her pillows and moaned.

She couldn't sleep.

 

She rose the next morning and began to get ready for work though her fingers shook and her head swam, aching and screaming. She tried to eat something, hoping it would make it a little better but the food felt like dry starch going down and settled in her stomach like lead.

On her way out, she stopped at the door trying to bury it as she did every morning. She pushed and shoved but the persistent want, the need that was so familiar and yet unfamiliar would not go and because it would not go, neither would everything else. Each time she tried to shove it was as though it shoved back, making her rebound and swell. She swallowed, and pushed again but it came back at her, elastic and pounding into her head, expanding further and increasing the ache. For fear of making it worse she simply hoped that she would run into no one and started out the door for work.

 

Regina was useless all day. She tried to work but her eyes wouldn't focus. She eventually gave up and instead gave in to pacing her office and swearing. It was an inefficient use of time, but it was all she could manage as frustrated and pained tears rolled steadily down her face. How was she supposed to live like this? How was she supposed to feel normal, to be normal? Maybe... maybe she was an exception in this as well... maybe the fact that she had too much meant that it was not safe or healthy for her to live without a barrier. Maybe she was supposed to always be slightly out of control if she was going to live without the barrier. I mean... it couldn't feel like this for everyone who had to go through what she had. Maybe her eyes were supposed to be a pale purple at all times... maybe she was supposed to live with trace amounts of Magic in her. If anyone at all could feel what this felt like, surely they would never expect her to simply survive with it. That was inhumane.

But she knew those were cheap rationalizations. She had read about them in books. She had heard other people say them. She wasn't special. There was no reason why _she_ should get a free pass, even if right now she wanted one.

She took another coffee break late in the afternoon, snarling when Alfred protested. The snarl was such a feral guttural noise that he had retreated quickly, tripping over his feet.

If she wasn't careful she was going to get fired.

It didn't help that it was raining. Storms always revved her up a little bit… and was she wrong or was it an esbat?

She watched Emma out of the window, her fingers shaking. Her mood was not pretty. She sat in the window chewing her fingernails, a habit her mother had broken her of when she was a very small child.

She watched, holding on to her restraint like a rope made of silk, but the moment that Kathryn appeared with a grin and a wave for Emma, Regina reached through the air. She hadn't even thought about it, just reacted. She flicked and suddenly Kathryn, who had been jogging along, tripped over nothing and went sprawling into the wet and muddy ground.

Regina's grin was more of a tooth-baring snarl.

She watched resentfully as Emma helped brush the woman off and studied her bleeding knees. After a minute, they started down the track while Henry spent time at the pull-up station.

Tripping Kathryn had been so satisfying to do the first time that she reached again and was a breath away when she realized through the haze of her headache that she didn't have enough control. She could snap Kathryn's leg in two as easily as she could trip her.

She let out a growl and turned from the window. As she stormed back to her office she couldn't help but to notice that everyone scattered from her as she made her way through.

It wasn't better by the end of the work day either. Her fingers had begun to spark every now and then, shooting purple firecrackers each time she thought of that stupid smile that Kathryn had held as she approached her wife that afternoon.

She wanted to wipe it from there - forever.

She wanted to stomp and rage.

Things had been getting better, right? Between she and Emma. It was true that perhaps they had made a mistake in sleeping together but the fact that they _had_ slept together had to mean something. _Things were getting better_. Maybe not as quickly as she would have liked, but surely there was no way that there was _room_ for Emma's girlfriend in their family unit.

She hoped that it would get better once she was back at the inn again but it didn't. She did all manner of stress relieving things and found that it just wasn't enough. She twitched and shook, her mood ice and black.

Finally, she decided that pacing for another night would not help her. She wasn't just going to sit there. She had to get out. She had to be moving. If she didn't she would keep sitting here and naming off the Magic 'distributors' that she knew of in town and wondering how to get ahold of them.

She slammed the door to her room and marched out of the inn.

If she couldn't use her Craft to get some relief then she would go and get so drunk that she had no choice but to sleep or - if need be - pass out.

The Rabbit Hole had never been one of Regina's favorite spots in town. As a matter of fact, while dating Emma she had always gone somewhere out of town, somewhere quiet and comfortable. The Rabbit Hole reflected all of the things she hated about Storybrooke; the loud hick music, the drunken man-boys playing pool, the girls laughing too loudly at their jokes hoping to find love for life or the night. Whichever.

Her distaste didn't help her swirling, heavy mind.

She had decided to walk, hoping that the cooling air would clear her mind but all it did was make her stare up at the full moon and snarl, taking in its energy and making her feel worse.

She stormed through the doors, uncomfortably aware of others watching her, ordered a drink and sat at the end of the bar, something she had never done. The bar wasn't for people like _her_ , the bar was for the people there to _get drunk_ and forget their problems.

Well.

On second thought maybe she had found her people for the night.

She downed the drink in a second and tried to remain polite as she asked for another. Thank god that her detox hadn't involved N.A. or any other clean and sober group. Right now, alcohol seemed like it was the answer.

She ran her hands through her hair, holding her pounding head and leaned her elbows against the bar. This couldn't be right. There was so much. What had the aunts been thinking? ' _You're a powerful witch, Regina, you can handle it._ ' Were they nuts?

"Here you are, Madam Mayor."

Her head shot up so fast that she was sure a few hairs had parted company of her head and the nasty words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. 'Oh _please_ , I haven't been the Mayor for _years_."

He jumped and rushed to the opposite side of the bar, looking slightly afraid.

Regina swore. Tear down the clock tower _once_ and everyone is afraid of you for the rest of their lives. Ridiculous.

She slammed the drink and let her head fall onto her arms, simply trying to control the urge to attack everyone around her with any sort of Craft. This wasn't fair. A heroin addict simply had to avoid being in the same room as heroin - an alcoholic simply had to avoid bars - but she couldn't avoid her vice, not unless she wanted to become a hermit who never spoke or interacted with other people, including Emma.

Ugh. She could _feel_ each and every one of them around her. The barman must have come from a mother or father with a small amount of Craft because he pulled ever so slightly. Behind her and to the right was another possibility though he was weak also. Three seats down was someone, a woman, with a decent amount. She supposed if she were to attack anyone - her thoughts were sidetracked as she got a mental whiff of someone else, someone just entering.

She moaned into her hands.

They were strong, strong enough to put up a fight and strong enough to fill her completely, make the cravings go away and perhaps - if she were lucky - aid her in tearing apart so much more than the Clock Tower. Perhaps this time she could level this whole god damned town, maybe even all of Maine and enjoy every moment of it. Her mouth began to water and she had to squeeze her eyes closed to keep herself in her seat because she knew the scent, of course she did and she knew that with it - if she really wanted it - she could possibly find so much more pleasure than just her essence.

She thought quickly, trying to decide if she should leave or if she could simply stay in her corner and continue with her original plan. Emma might not notice her off in this corner.

It was silly to leave just because she was there, right? She was a god damned adult. She could... she could... behave herself.

She just needed to not think about it. And for the love of hell and try not to breathe in that clean, welcoming scent that was so much like spring rain and winter waterfalls.

She lifted her head and dared a look.

It was the wrong choice.

Ice dropped into her stomach while fury rose.

Emma was just scooting into a chair at a table with _Kathryn_. Their heads were together, laughing and talking over the loud music. She watched Kathryn's thin lips hover a breath away from her wife's ear, causing a few curls to lightly blow as she spoke.

Was she on a god fucking damn _date_?

Her whole body jerked and before she knew what she was doing, before she could stop herself, she was on her feet.

She wasn't thinking. She knew she wasn't thinking and that was always bad. She was caught in blind fury.

She reached but stopped a moment before she flipped their table entirely, her hands instead coming down on it with a _bang_ , making both Emma and Kathryn jump.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU REALLY AND TRULY SERIOUS, RIGHT NOW?" Her back was straight, her hands no longer twitching as she snarled. She could feel her essence swirling, strengthening, building around her.

Kathryn passed Emma a confused and somewhat fearful glance, which only pissed Regina off more. "That's right," she spat with regal malevolence. " _Cower_."

"Regina, wh-" she could hear in Emma's voice that she knew Regina was losing her shit. Were her eyes purple? Probably, she was fucking _furious_.

"Is this some type of payback, Emma? Let the whole town, let _me_ , see you with another woman and then, what? I will be put back in my place? I will be shamed as you were shamed?"

"What?" Emma cried, her cheeks pink.

"How dare you, how _dare_ you simply move on without even discussing it with me!"

"Regina, I'm-" Kathryn began but Regina reached through the air, yanking her voice from her in a way that she knew would be painful. She didn't care.

"You don't get to talk to me, Billie Jean King." Regina snarled with only the barest of glances.

Kathryn let out a silent cry, her eyes wide and panicked.

"Regina!” Emma cried, her hands going to Kathryn’s throat as though she could protect it. “Stop it! Give it back!"

Regina seized Emma's arm, pulling her close. "I understand if you want to make me pay, I do. I _fucked_ up our life. But this - this is cruelty that I never knew you were capable of! We should have discussed this. I had a right to know!"

Emma’s panicked face shot through with her own fire. "What do you mean, you had a right to know?"

Regina didn’t answer. Her voice dropped, cracking slightly as she spoke the most pathetic words she had spoken in her entire life. "Do you not love me _at all_ anymore? Is that what you're trying to tell me? Is it... officially _over_?"

Raw pain passed through Emma's face before, angrily she swiped at the air, trying to take Kathryn's voice. Regina felt it pull, trying to escape her grasp but Regina held it tight. "Regina! Give her back her voice." Kathryn was squirming, clutching her throat like it was hurting her, which it probably was, and tearing up.

A tall blond man appeared at her side, looking like he was ready to tackle her to the ground. Oooh, she hoped he did. She hoped he was ready for a good goddamn fight.

"Regina!” Emma cried, fury and something else on her face. She gestured madly to the blond man. “This is Fredrick, Kathryn's _husband_."

For a moment, everything in Regina's world froze, the clanking of bar glasses, the muttering of people watching, all of it went silent. Then her world turned on its side. Her head swirled, her fingers let out a pop of purple and her thirst became so great that she didn't think she could make it through the night. "Husband?"

"Um, yeah." Emma was looking at her like she was an absolute psychopath.

She realized that she was still clutching Emma's arm in a death grip.

_Husband._

She let the arm go and wobbled in place.

She stared at the floor for a second, mortified. She... she looked so god damn gay. She - she had seen her wrap her arms around her wife.

Or had she seen a friendly hug?

God, she was so _stupid_!

She suddenly became aware of every eye that was on her, could feel their judgement, could feel this confirming the beliefs they already had about her.

She tried to simply disappear into her cloud of purple but she couldn't, it wouldn't come. It was like her essence had suddenly petered out into nothing.

"I apologize," she said in a small voice, seeing Kathryn's look of horror for the first time. Her stomach flopped. "Excuse me."

She released Kathryn's voice and started for the door.

Her head hurt so badly. She couldn't think properly. Had she _really_ just made another goddamn scene at The Rabbit Hole? She swayed, her heel buckled and she fell into the outside wall, scraping her arm and swearing.

Hands closed on her arms, steadying her.

"I can't believe I just did that," she whispered.

" _I_ can't _fucking_ believe you did it. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I can't-" she swayed again and steadied herself on Emma's collar. Arms locked around her, catching her habitually and Regina wanted to burrow in. She blinked slowly, trying to focus, letting her face fall so it was close enough to Emma’s chest to smell her skin, but not on her. She took a long, subtle breath, holding tight to the jacket. She was afraid she might fall over with how hard her head was swimming, "I can't think." Rubbing at her temples, she saw a fire in Emma's eyes that she had never seen before. "You're glowing."

" _What_?" She could only imagine the fury Emma was feeling because she had never before seen her eyes glow a pale, translucent white before. Then again she had never seen Emma actively using Craft before either. It was mesmerizing, absolutely beautiful. Regina stared, transfixed and for once not because she wanted to take that Craft for her own but instead marveling at the beauty of it.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Regina? Are you-you seem-"

"No!" she cried before Emma could finish the oh so insulting question. She paused, her head still in her hands and said in a defeated voice. "They took out the last bit of the barrier."

She couldn't look into Emma's face. Things had been getting better, they really had and she was sure she had just ruined it all. She couldn't look at her, she felt like an ass. She let out a dry sob. “They just did it. They didn’t warn me. It was just gone.”

Emma was silent for a few heartbeats. "When?"

"Yesterday."

Emma was silent for a few heartbeats more. "So then you're - on your own now?"

Oh god, wasn't that the truth. She was so alone. Had this been their past relationship before the routine, before the loss of 'Emma her lover', they would have been sure to have the house to themselves and would have worked through this new feeling, this new pain and need, together. They would have spent hours together in bed releasing blast after blast of mental power, they would have gone running or spent the day at the gym. They would have laughed and Emma would have done her best to help. Now…

"They couldn't even wait until the esbat was over? Are you okay?" Emma's voice was softer now, concerned.

The concern caused a new type of pain. "I'm sorry. Please, give my apologies to the coach." Then, before Emma could speak, she turned away.

Good job, Regina. Very good job being a human wrecking ball. Again.

She could feel Emma, she could sense a... _something_ as she walked briskly down the street, her head bowed, her back stiff. She knew that Emma was watching her and that made her walk all the faster, needing to move far enough from her that she could no longer smell or feel her essence. It was driving her mad. She could feel her delicious anger, her depression and just as she was rounding the corner she felt something else… pleasure?

* * *

 

She wanted to avoid Emma - preferably forever after that.

That momentary wave of pleasure scared her. Had it meant that she was pleased Regina was embarrassed? Had it meant that she was pleased Regina was leaving? Had it been pleasure for Kathryn? Or had it been pleasure over Regina's fit of territorial anger? No matter which one it was they all meant something, and none of them would be easy to handle.

The one upside was it seemed that allowing herself to get as furious as she had the night before had helped. She had slept, though the sleep was not restful. When she woke the next morning it was as though her body had evened out just a little bit, her mind expanding so that there was room for everything that had been released. Mostly.

She wasn't comfortable, but she wasn't shaking as hard.

She had gone to work and she had been able to perform the most basic functions of her job. She hadn't attacked anyone verbally or physically.

Perhaps it wasn't the anger that was working, perhaps it was the shame.

How had she just assumed?

Ugh, every time she thought of it her face flushed red and she was mortified. She was going to have to apologize to Kathryn and though the blonde wasn't sleeping with her wife, she still hated the sight of her. She didn't want to talk to her. Perhaps she wasn't sleeping with Emma but she stood for a possibility, a role that one day would be filled.

Could...

That one day _could_ be filled.

 

* * *

She hadn't wanted Granny's, not at all. She was so sick of the greasy food. But she had eaten nothing since the afternoon before the last of the barrier had been removed so that night at dinner time she very resentfully went.

She slipped into the booth feeling, once again, as though everyone around her was discussing her performance from the night before. Who knew, perhaps they were. The drama between Regina and Emma had been the height of gossip since her first spectacle at The Rabbit Hole.

"Hi, Regina." Ruby gave her a small smile and Regina flushed, knowing that at the very least, Ruby knew.

At least this time, she had made an ass out of no one but herself. That was something.

She ordered a salad and spent a while smoothing her napkin, pleased that at least she had been able to snag the far corner booth which was away from most of the prying eyes.

"My, my, you sure like the make a scene, don't you?"

Regina's head fell onto her arms in exasperation as Mary-Margaret slid into the booth across from her.

"I already feel stupid enough, please don't make it worse."

"I'm not sure I could if I tried, honestly. You seem to do that yourself."

She looked up and found that Mary-Margaret was giving her a small but sad smile.

Regina had opened her mouth to say something sharp but closed it and let her head rest on her arms again.

She couldn't argue with that.

"How are you, Regina? We haven't really had a chance to speak in so long."

Regina just groaned.

"Oh!"

Regina looked up at her friend's sound of surprise and felt her heart soar and her stomach drop at the same time. Emma and the children were taking a table across the room.

The sight of them was too much.

Oh god, she had to go, she couldn't face them, not tonight.

She reached for her purse and was halfway through a muttered 'excuse me' when she felt a soft but strong hand on her arm.

Mary-Margaret was smiling at her, silently encouraging her to stay. The smile was so kind and so rare in her life just then that she could have wept at the sight of it.

After a long moment of eye contact, she gave her a small nod and resettled.

"So, how are things going, how are you?" Mary-Margaret asked again.

"Shouldn't you be asking Emma that?"

Mary-Margaret shrugged. "I have."

"Oh? You're not upset with her because of her new BFF?"

Mary-Margaret shifted a bit uncomfortably. "If anything, Kathryn isn't pleased with me but we had drinks the other night. It was...” she seemed to consider. “Fine… Anyway, I _have_ asked her and now I'm asking you."

Regina watched her family settle, half hidden behind a leftover menu, heartsick. The truth popped out of her. "Not very well. I know I have no right for that to be true but... it is."

"You miss them."

She let out a brittle laugh. "That, my dear, is an understatement."

She didn't miss them, she ached for them. They were so close, just across the restaurant from her but they might as well have been in another country.

Couldn't they _feel_ her there like she could feel them? God, she wished that they did. She wished that they didn't look quite so content despite her absence.

"Why do you say that you don't have the right?"

Regina laughed. Did that question really need to be answered?

"No, I mean it. What you did was _not right_. But Emma's told me and I've seen you. You're doing the work. So how long are you going to let this continue, Regina?"

"What?" She had been watching Emma coo to Bonnie. She couldn't have heard that right.

"You see that." Mary-Margaret pointed at her family.

"Of course I see it," she snapped.

She couldn't see anything else.

" _That_ is your life, Regina. How long are you simply going to let it pass you by?"

"What?" This time her tone was colder, warning her off. Was she insane? You didn’t poke at a woman in pain.

Mary-Margaret looked as though she had been waiting to say this for a while now. Her eyes were fiery as she grabbed Regina's hand. "That is _your life_ over there and you are _missing_ it."

Annoyed Regina yanked her hand away. She had no interest in hearing this lecture. "And what would you like me to do about it?"

"Make it better, Regina. _Make it better_."

 

* * *

I am not really a person who puts please review after every chapter but in this situation I'm going to. I would really love to gauge your reactions and know you're thoughts as we begin this part of the journey. So! Please review!


	44. Chapter 44

**Emma**

* * *

Emma flipped her hair back over and began to scrunch the opposite side under the warm breeze of the diffuser. She had forgotten how freaking _long_ this took and she was just beginning to grow annoyed when she was able to flip her head upright. Her curls fell in a golden shower and all annoyance vanished as she stared, pleased.

Worth it. Definitely worth it.

Hands resting on the sink, she took another long, deep and hopefully steadying breath.

Life was beginning to move fast again and it was making her dizzy. Her littlest boy was turning seven today... _seven_! What the fuck? Oh, she needed to double check that Virginia brought whatever cake she was making. In a few weeks Emma would turn thirty-five...a fact that she was not ready for - Henry would turn seventeen...something she was _even less_ ready for. This was always when the year seemed to pick up pace, speeding along and it never really slowed until after the new year. Emma and Henry would share a birthday, then it would be Samhain, Thanksgiving, Yule; then Regina would turn forty. Emma wasn't exactly sure how that was possible; had time really gone by so quickly? How were they already back at this time of the year?

Strange.

It seemed as though every time she fell into a routine these days, life would come along and change it.

She had only just begun to get used to having the kids out of school - hell, she was only just getting used to having them with Regina each weekend. Now things were about to get all wonky again and she would need to find a new normal...again.

She huffed and studied her face.

Okay, she was stressing herself out and this stuff wasn't even the issue.

Why was she so nervous? It was stupid. They had planned the party just fine - though via text message, with only a few small fights and those had mostly been Emma's frustration at their situation and lashing out. So why did she feel like her stomach was about to jump out of her body and tap dance across the floor?

She leaned forward, her lips contorting into odd shapes as she began to apply a small amount of eyeliner and mascara.

Because it had been _months_. That's why. It had been months since she had spent any real amount of time with Regina...in their house...with their children...living their life.

She wasn't...nervous _exactly_ , being nervous would be stupid...she was just...wary.

And she was getting sick of how quickly time went by.

She wasn't ready for it to have been this long, she wasn't ready for Ollie to be seven and she sure as hell wasn't ready to be thirty-five.

Surely she - they - she - should have made some type of choice by now, right? Something about whether or not they were coming or going? How long should this separation be? The books had never been clear about that but surely, at this point, it had been too long.

Then again, what fucking counted as too fucking long?

She scowled at herself, okay, she was just freaking agitated.

If Regina would just _get here_ then the waiting could stop and they could move on to dealing with the freaking day.

She fluffed her hair again and glared at her shirt.

A few days before she had gotten it into her head that she _needed_ to do some shopping. She had just spent the last thirty minutes finalizing plans via text message with Regina and it had almost been - nice. The fighting, which had been weak at best, had all been upfront so at that point they had been nothing but civil.

She had put her phone down after they had said goodbye and had been gripped with a sudden panic because - what the fuck was she going to wear?

She had ripped through her closet and dresser but nothing had been satisfactory. How has she managed life with such shitty clothes?

She and Mary-Margaret had sped to the mall and after many hours had come away with these skin tight black wonders, as well as the pair of very cute ankle boots she was now wearing.

The pants were great.

The shoes were great.

Her hair had turned out great.

But the girly blouse...it looked like she was trying too hard or - something.

Annoyed, she ripped it off and tossed it onto the bed.

She pulled on a white ribbed tank and glared at herself in the vanity that had once been Regina's. As always, her eyes were momentarily caught by the little slip of paper that had been taped there, "Dearest Emma, It's not your fault. Love, Regina."

That had...she still didn't know what she thought of that. It has been sweet but, Emma was positive it wasn't true. Perhaps they needed to have a conversation about that soon. Perhaps they needed to have a conversation about all of it…any of it…but - she shook out her hair and huffed; the right time would present itself, right?

She scowled as her stomach rolled with nerves again.

What the hell was wrong with her?

This shirt, that's what it was. It was terrible.

She ripped it off and gave a huge start then froze. Was that the door?

Nooo, it had been her imagination.

Wait.

Heels?

Noo, she was losing her mind.

Wait…

Regina wouldn't ring the doorbell because she wouldn't want to wake any of the kids, but - had it just opened and closed?

She thought she heard a small scuffing sound from downstairs. Panic still on the rise, she unfroze and threw herself around the corner into the stairwell, her pulse pounding.

Regina was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking like she was unsure if she should go up or not.

They both instantly froze and the space between them seemed to grow white hot with awkward tension.

"I uh, I brought you coffee," Regina said, looking away from Emma's half naked body.

Flushing from her head to her feet Emma gulped, "Uh, thanks. Just uh - hold on. Just – stay – stay there."

Idiot. Why the hell do you go running out there in your underwear when you hear a noise? She needed to get her shit under control. _Why_ was she so goddamned nervous?

No! She wasn't nervous!

That would be stupid!

She grabbed a black tank and threw it on, refusing to look at herself in the mirror.

She cleared her throat, swallowed her hammering heart and headed down the stairs.

She took the offered coffee cup and wondered for just a second why Regina was so red.

"Uh, thanks."

"Is anyone up yet?"

"Nope, not yet."

Regina nodded and wordlessly they started toward the kitchen.

Waiting for Ollie to wake was either excruciating or exceedingly simple, Emma couldn't decide.

Regina spent the time making a huge breakfast while Emma did some unnecessary light clean up, preparing for guests.

After breakfast she, Regina, and Ollie would decorate the house in pink and blue everything; their usual tradition while they waited for the afternoon party.

Emma jumped slightly when Regina cleared her throat, surprised to see a small smile on her face.

"What?"

Regina wiped her wet hands on the cloth hanging by the sink and cleared her throat again, "Do you remember the year before last?"

Emma let out a dry laugh. That had been the year they had learned about little Lindsey Hale's nut allergy. The whole party had been shut down after an hour and moved to the hospital's waiting room, everyone anxious to be sure she was okay. "Let's hope today goes better than that."

"It will."

Emma paused, watching Regina open the waffle iron and remove another waffle, "Are you making the confetti things?"

Regina nodded, pouring some more batter, and said in a tease, "Heaven forbid a birthday pass in this house without my special waffles."

The tradition had started on the first birthday that Emma had shared with Regina. They were nothing special really; waffles made with candy sprinkles in the batter and topped with strawberries and whipped cream, but Henry had loved them so much that he had gotten them for all of his birthdays too - then Ollie - and Emma had to assume soon Bonnie would try them as well.

Emma could tell that Regina was trying to be funny, sweet even, with her little joke, but the words popped out of Emma's mouth before she had a chance to stop them, "Yeah, well, we might have to face that reality soon, won't we?"

Emma felt like she had slapped herself. Why the hell had she just said that? What was that supposed to help? It had just popped out.

Absentmindedly Emma picked up a throw pillow and hugged it to her chest; when she looked up she found herself sinking into Regina's hurt eyes.

She could tell that however much that had hurt Emma to say, it hurt Regina a million times more to hear.

She opened her mouth, but what was she going to say?

High-pitched squeaking upstairs made them both jump and their eye contact broke.

Emma shivered. She had to say something in the wake of… _that_ , right? "Regina-" Regina's head shot up, her eyebrows high and for a second Emma faltered, "I'm sorry, that just popped out."

"No, Emma, you're right." Regina straightened, fumbling with her wedding ring as she always did when she was nervous, spinning it around and around, "we don't know what will happen. I shouldn't have said it, I was just trying to…" she shook her head as if to say, 'well it doesn't matter what I was trying to do'.

"Break the tension."

Regina looked as though she wished that Emma hadn't finished the sentence, "Isn't it odd?"

Emma nodded; she couldn't deny that it was odd. Emma and Regina, together for ten years, with three shared children, a house...a life...wasn't it odd that they, of all people, found it so hard to simply share a room right now?

"Emma?"

Emma felt small and very confusing goosebumps appear on her arms and legs.

"Do you think - just for today - that we could put all of that aside? Just for today? It is Ollie's birthday after all and, well, would you mind?"

Emma's knee jerk reaction was anger. _No_! They _couldn't_ just put it aside! It could never be put aside! If she wanted to be here without fear of having to discuss it then she shouldn't have fucking _done_ it!

But to her surprise, the anger died quickly. It was exhausting and she just didn't have it in her right now.

She gave a little nod and returned to her cleaning.

God, that little agreement had helped so much!

By the end of breakfast, though the strangeness was still there, Emma felt herself smile; truly smile. The problems were still there under the surface and though they gave an insistent tug every now and then, it seemed that both women could breathe a little easier.

They began to prepare for the party, following Ollie's careful instructions about streamers and every now and then catching one another's eyes and laughing at the silliness of their son.

They were just getting ready to all sit down to a light meal before the guests arrived when the doorbell rang.

Emma didn't have to ask, she knew who it would be and sure enough, she had only enough time to gulp in nervous anticipation before the front door flew open.

"AUNTIE IVY! AUNTIE GINNY!" Ollie cried and threw himself at the newcomers.

Regina had enough sense to grab the cake caddy before Ollie accidentally knocked it from Virginia's hands in an effort to climb them and demand kisses.

She passed it to Emma who took it and started toward the kitchen island. The scent of cherries and chocolate drifted to her and she moaned.

"I asked them to make it for you." Regina's voice was just behind her and she jumped.

Flushing - for some reason - she pulled the lid off and took a deep whiff of the chocolate cherry cake. It had been her favorite since she met Virginia and Ivy. "But it's _Ollie's_ birthday."

Regina shrugged, "He will be happy if there is cake, I just thought-"

She was trying to do something nice.

Regina cleared her throat and without saying anything else went to give the aunts her own greeting.

Emma was just placing the cake on the tower when she felt a smack on the side of her head. The cake went flying from her hands but luckily Regina, from across the room, saw and grabbed it midair then floated the cake back to safety, "Uh, ow?"

"Where have you been?" Ivy asked, glaring at her.

She had been waiting for this. She frankly knew she deserved it. She hadn't gone to the Twins since Regina had started working with them. It hadn't been purposeful, at least not completely. "Here? I've been here?"

"You stupid girl." Ivy sighed, wrapping her in a tight hug. She always said it with such a mix of hostility and warmth that Emma was never really sure what to feel about it. Over her shoulder she saw Regina smiling to herself, trying to hide a bubble of laughter. Emma's lip twitched.

"Name just one, just _one_ reason why we couldn't have worked with you both. You still have work to do, young lady. At least you are _using_ your Craft but-"

Emma's telling off from Virginia and Ivy was long and harsh and by the end, she felt like a puppy with her tail between her legs.

They _had_ to understand why she had kept her distance; only they clearly didn't.

Regina caught Emma's eyes again, giving her a questioning shoulder raise.

Emma shrugged a 'yeah, I'm alright' and continued on to party business. It wasn't the first time she had gotten into trouble.

The afternoon only got easier. Regina had been keeping her distance, at least somewhat. They both seemed to have tabs on the other, but Emma thought that was simply because they were the ones putting on the party. Each time she found she needed something done she would go to begin and find that Regina was halfway through and vise-versa. When they were near one another, Regina dropping the goodie bags on one side of the table while Emma did the other, they were silent. It wasn't out of anger as much as a simple understanding that it was easier. Through this understanding their comfort grew.

The doorbell began to ring frantically at ten to three and, absolutely beside himself, Ollie began to let his guests in. Lindsey, as always, arrived first in a very sweet party dress.

Regina and Ivy, after a long discussion, had gone out back and together created a large swing set/jungle gym in the middle of the backyard; complete with padding underneath and enough swings for all the children of Storybrooke.

Ivy had originally asked Emma to combine her Craft with Regina's and make the playground, but Emma had declined. As a matter of fact, she hadn't even been able to _watch_ as they did it. Regina had looked like she was going to be sick when they had gone outside to do it; something that Emma had taken comfort in. But when they came back inside, Regina's eyes were alight with pride and Emma had felt her stomach churn. She had, from her spot across the room, studied Regina's eyes looking for any trace of purple, any sign of overindulgence. If there had been even the smallest shadow of it when they first came inside, it was gone so quickly that Emma couldn't be sure she had seen it at all.

She knew that Regina was striving not for complete abstinence but normalcy. Still, she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

Virginia had sighed next to her, sounding like a proud parent, "She's come so far."

Emma had given a noncommittal grunt and gone to answer the door.

But soon even that stress had washed away, replaced with elated children's screams and Ollie's happy face.

She was leaning against the side of the house watching the children play when Regina appeared beside her, offering the beer that she had brought for her.

Emma took it with a small nod, unsure if she was alarmed, annoyed or pleased when Regina leaned against the wall too, half a foot from her.

Emma's stomach cramped and she felt that high nervous feeling again, waiting for whatever the reason was that Regina had joined her.

Ollie slipped halfway up the jungle gym and even from across the backyard Emma could see it was going to hurt. She pushed away from the wall, ready to run to her crying son, but she felt a hand on her shoulder and paused; glancing at Regina and then back. Ollie's tears came but Lindsey bent down low, looking at his knee. She exclaimed something, they couldn't hear what, gave him a kiss on the forehead and pulled him back up.

Emma and Regina laughed lightly, resettling on the wall. "They're growing up so fast."

"Do you remember when we found out I was pregnant with him?" Regina sighed, smiling as she watched Ollie play.

She was facing away from Emma so all she could she was the second half of her profile. Emma studied it for a second and then let out a chuckle and took another swig of the beer.

She did remember. Emma had brought Eugenia over to the house for one reason or another and together she and the old woman had walked in on Regina in the kitchen. She had been standing there with a broom but instead of sweeping, as she had probably meant to do, she was fast asleep - standing upright - leaning on the broom ever so slightly.

Emma had been worried she was sick, but Eugenia had just laughed and insisted that the only time she had seen a woman do something like that was when she was in the early stages of pregnancy.

"How many pregnancy tests did we go through? I never remembered to count."

Regina laughed, her eyes dancing as she looked over her shoulder, "Eight."

Emma rolled her eyes, "You were so sure that it couldn't be right."

Regina laughed and shifted on the wall, moving away from a painful looking groove. Emma wondered if she realized she had accidentally scooted a bit closer to her.

"Well, in my defense, that kind of Craft had only been theoretical to me. I didn't think it would work. I just thought it was too good to be true."

"Well, that might still be accurate. Sometimes I think that Ollie is too good to be true."

Regina nodded.

They fell into silence then as Emma tried to understand the warmth she felt spreading through her chest. It was like hot soup on a very cold evening. She sighed, her head resting against the wall.

"Has Henry spoken to you, yet?"

Regina nodded, still watching the children and leaving Emma comfortably unstudied, "He has. It was quick but it was something." She cleared her throat, "He and Penny, they're like suction cup magnets, aren't they?"

Emma laughed, spilling a bit of her drink down her face. She took the offered napkin gratefully and dabbed, "Yeah, you could say that. I mean, great, and all. It took a long time for them to figure out how to get to that point but sometimes it's...just gross."

"I think I nearly had a heart attack this afternoon when I walked into the kitchen and saw them that way. Wasn't he just learning to ride a bike last week?

"Yeah, I think so."

They chuckled together for a minute. It was strange to laugh together like this. It had been quite a while and, even now, she couldn't say that there wasn't a heavy blanket of tension over them but it felt - inexplicably wonderful.

"Ma! Pizza is here!" Henry cried from somewhere near the patio.

"I guess I better go deal with that," Emma said, surprised when her voice sounded slightly reluctant. She frowned, instantly agitated and hurried off.

She carried in the boxes of pizza, pleased when she found Regina setting out the plates, forks, and napkins.

"Henry," Regina called, "will you please make sure the ice chest is filled with plenty of drinks?"

He pulled himself away from Penny, openly unwilling but as soon as he was gone Penny approached, "Can I do anything to help?"

Regina looked over her shoulder with a small smile, "Do you think you could round them up?"

Penny's eyes grew wide.

"Don't worry," Emma laughed, "The word pizza should do it."

They watched the children eating, fetching napkins and cleaning up spills. Emma had forgotten that, despite her cheating and all of the other crap, she and Regina had always been a fairly good parenting team.

Eventually, they ended up against the wall together again, Regina holding a jabbering Bonnie. They both silently watched Henry and Ollie interact; pleased by the teasing care the older boy was showing his brother. Emma watched Henry grabbing slices for the kids around them, laughing at their bad jokes and refilling glasses from his seat. Ollie was beaming, so happy to have his brother's attention.

"They really are beautiful."

Something fluttery dropped into Emma's stomach and she glanced over her shoulder at Regina. She was watching the boys with misty eyes, love, and adoration radiating from her. Emma studied her. You couldn't deny the love there. As a matter of fact, Emma had only seen her look at one other person with more love than that. She cleared her throat, a montage of ten years of those looks run through her mind.

She was about to excuse herself when Regina turned to her, "Shall we get the cake?"

Emma flushed and nodded.

She was exhausted by the time the last guest left; though not because the party had been so much work. Her mind and head had been spinning all afternoon. She had expected to hate Regina being in her space, interacting with her kids, doing the things that Emma was supposed to be doing, but instead it had been a nice reminder that although Regina had fucked up she really did love Henry, Ollie, and Bonnie. When Mal was here it had been easy to forget; she had pulled away from them so completely. But now that Regina was back to herself... well, Emma was glad now that even in the height of her anger, she had never tried to take them away from her.

The clean-up had taken almost no time at all, as there were four Craft users there and very soon they whole family was kissing the twins goodbye.

"I want to see you at home by the end of the week." Ivy had scolded and then given her a kiss. Emma had grinned and promised.

Emma and Regina stood awkwardly in the foyer after Virginia and Ivy had disappeared in wisps of their own signature colors. Emma knew that Regina was waiting for something, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was.

Finally, after a minute or more of shuffling and kicking invisible rocks, Regina's eyebrows rose and she spoke through the tension, "You gave him a very nice day."

Emma scowled, wondering if there was a jab somewhere in there, "You helped."

Silence.

"Well, I suppose I should go now. The party is over and-"

"Mommies, can we watch some TV?" Ollie's sleepy voice called from the living room.

They shared an uncomfortable laugh.

It was so confusing. All the books talked about the importance of divorced couples with children learning to get along well enough to survive a day together with the kids. They spoke of it as though it was this great challenge that would require years of hard work, but here she and Regina had done it without really putting too much effort into it.

Why was that?

"Anyway," Regina turned, but Emma caught her arm.

She had planned on asking Regina to leave once the party was over but now that they were alone, Emma found that she felt bad.

"No, it's alright. I told you that you could stay for the day. It's only an hour or two until Ollie's bedtime, just stay."

Regina's eyebrows rose slowly, open shock on her face for a second before she could compose herself, "Oh. Thank you."

Emma shrugged and settled down on the couch with her kids.

Something was different in the air now. Bonnie went down without a struggle for once, exhausted. Then soon Ollie began to doze between Regina and Emma, cuddling them both close and seeming so happy that they both were there.

Emma didn't know what it was but it made her both twitch and want to sink into it.

Finally, after the last episode of silly cartoons before Ollie's bedtime, Emma looked down to see the boy was deeply asleep. "I guess the day wore him out."

Regina chuckled, glancing toward Henry and Penny in the kitchen; checking up on them again. It was clear that Emma had been right, Regina was having a much harder time watching their boy act as teenage boys should.

Emma stood, but before she could pick up Ollie, Regina had him in her arms. Wordlessly and perhaps a little awkwardly they started upstairs toward his bedroom together.

They worked as a team, Regina waking him enough to brush his teeth and then helping him out of his clothes then Emma took over and slipped him into his pajamas and helped him under the covers.

Emma said her goodnight with a kiss and one more happy birthday.

"Mommy," Emma had left the room to give Regina moment with Ollie but she hadn't gone far; only around the corner where she couldn't help but to listen. "Will you be here when I wake up? Like before?"

She heard Regina's breath hitch and felt a sympathetic ache in her heart. Ollie had been doing pretty well, all things considered. He had dealt with the blow of his mother's lack of interest and then his mother leaving the house. Emma had thought, if she were honest, that he was fine but the desperation in his voice was heartbreaking. Emma hadn't realized that he was hurting so badly.

"No, sweet pea, I won't. But I'll see you this weekend, just like always, okay?"

"Okay." The tiny voice sighed sadly and Emma heard a small sniffle.

"Shhh, I know, sweet pea. Close your eyes. Good boy." Softly, Regina began to sing:

_"Too ra loo ra loo ral_

_Too ra loo ra li_

_Too ra loo ra loo ral_

_Hush now, don't you cry_

_Too ra loo ra loo ral_

_Too ra loo ra li_

_Too ra loo ra loo ral_

_That's an Irish lullaby"_

The song faded and Emma heard Regina's footsteps coming. She jumped, starting down the hall as though she hadn't been sitting there and listening.

A second later a hand softly fell on her arm and, caught, she stopped. Regina gave her a hesitant smile and Emma realized that she wasn't about to get told off for listening in. "I just wanted to say thank you again, Emma. The day - it was nice."

Emma nodded. It _had_ been a fairly nice day.

"I can't believe he's seven." Regina was fiddling with her wedding ring and Emma was surprised to see a small tear fall. "God, I can't believe Henry is about to be seventeen."

"Next year we have to start looking into colleges."

Regina let out a little laugh, sob combination and her hand went to her face, "I'm sorry. I just can't believe it."

"And you're about to be forty."

This made Regina laugh in earnest, "Hey, watch it. You will get here as well."

Emma almost smirked, "But you will always have gotten there first. I'm only going to be a spry thirty-five, old lady."

Regina rolled her eyes and for the first time since she had caught her in the hallway, they landed on Emma's, "Thank you for letting me be here today. It really meant a lot to me."

Emma nodded, feeling Regina's hand, which had found its way to her elbow, like a touch of fire. Did it burn or did it glow nicely?

Regina hesitated a second and Emma's stomach leapt as Regina wrapped her in a tight hug. "It was nice to be back, even if it was only for a little while. I appreciate the chance."

Emma could feel the words blowing by her ear and she shivered.

Regina pulled back, hand resting on her shoulder while the other caressed her cheek, leaving a small trail of tingles behind.

Emma was frozen, unsure of what she wanted to do. Did she want to shove her off and scream? Did she want to let everything go for just a minute and sink back into the hug? Regina's eyes connected with hers and, as if in slow motion, Emma knew what she was going to do, but she felt helpless to stop it. Regina leaned forward and lightly brushed her lips against Emma's in the softest of kisses.

God, this was a bad idea! They had already made this mistake! They shouldn't do it again!

When Emma didn't pull away Regina leaned in closer, deepening the kiss; both hands coming up to cup Emma's jaw to her.

Emma felt dizzy. She could taste Regina's lipstick, she could smell her skin.

She sighed and felt her lips part of their own accord, only Regina's tongue stayed politely within her own mouth, both pleasing and frustrating Emma. She felt Regina step closer, resting against her and Emma's palms twitched, then tingled. After a few seconds, Regina pulled away and Emma could see honest passion in her beautiful face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes quietly danced. She cleared her throat and took a step away, "I'm going to help with the last few pizza boxes and then I had better go."

Emma just nodded, speechless.

She watched Regina slip down the stairs and disappear into the living room, her head spinning. She wanted to get up, to continue moving, but she was glued to the spot, her head screaming ' _What the hell just happened_?'


	45. Chapter 45

**Regina**

* * *

She had been somewhere between elation and acid reflux all week. Emma hadn't pulled away, Emma hadn't hit her, Emma hadn't thrown her into the bay.

Between her latest discovery about missing her lover and Mary-Margaret's insistence that she ' _make it better_ '; Regina had made a choice. She had decided just to see how far she could push Emma, what she could and could not do.

It had been terrifying.

She had been so sure that she would crash and burn that the night before Ollie's birthday that she had purchased a large bottle of vodka; planning to drink her pain away after her impending failure. She had been _sure_ of it.

She thought the day was going to consist of low, hissed fighting and a ten foot minimum of space between them at all times. She had thought that Emma wouldn't even be able to be polite to her. She had thought that she would grow frustrated and the fight would edge higher and higher until they were making fools of themselves in front of their guests and children.

But the day had been so easy! They had slid into a groove that they both had known so well without much force.

It was true that comment that Emma had made early in the day had knocked Regina off her feet. She had almost given up there, but then she had looked up and Emma had seemed so upset that instead it had brought on a wave of hope.

So she had tried to simply stay close to Emma that day and be as non-threatening as possible, gauging her reactions to her and simply being in her presence. At first, this seemed to agitate Emma, but then by midafternoon Emma seemed to relax into it, talking to her and once or twice laughing.

Regina hadn't planned the kiss though, not at all. But then they had been standing there in the hallway, discussing their children and Emma had teased her; so much like she used to.

She had decided to try for a hug, a simple, well-meaning hug - and had kissed her.

The kiss had been wonderful.

It had gone to her head like the finest single malt scotch and it had taken all of her restraint not to ask for more, especially when Emma had so willingly opened to her.

She had been living with that kiss on her lips ever since, feeling it as though it had left behind a soft blush of warmth in the perfect shape of Emma's mouth.

Again she had readied herself for a backlash when she next picked up the children. Emma had a few days to think about it and would probably be angry now. As a matter of fact, she had been so sure of this that Regina's cowardice had almost won out and she had nearly asked to meet the children at school so she wouldn't have to see her wife, putting off the moment they would be face to face again.

Instead, she decided to meet it head-on. She had purposely come into the foyer and, though Emma had been trying to avoid it, she had eventually caught Emma's eye. Emma had flushed and while there was obvious anger there, there had also been something else. A bashful, flustered - something. Emma had tried to hide it, but she had done a very poor job.

Regina had turned up the radio in the car and sang with Ollie all the way back to the inn.

Were they, perhaps, finally on the other side of the mountain they had to climb? Did she finally have a reason to hope - to wish - to...She had seen the note that Emma had taped to her mirror. That placement, so open and where Emma would see it every day. That was _everything_. Still, there could be no denying that there was reluctance from Emma.

It didn't matter. That weekend with the children had been the best she had in a long while. She had found that she could laugh with them in a different way while she was hopeful. They had been silly together, something she hadn't been able to find in herself for months.

During a particularly sweet cuddle session with both Ollie and Bonnie, Regina had decided that when she dropped the children off the following day she would discuss the kiss with Emma. She wasn't sure what she would say, but even if she had nothing of worth to say at all, it would be a little bit of extra time around Emma and that was all she could ask for. She had been given a healthy sized dose of her old life and she wanted, needed more.

Regina had taken extra care over her face and clothes that Sunday and had done her absolute best to maintain a casual demeanor despite the fact that her heart was racing.

Upon entering the home, however, she had been disappointed to find that Kathryn was there; a seemingly ever-present obstacle.

This had knocked her off of her path ever so slightly.

However, in the end, it didn't matter. She could wait.

She had been somewhere in the heavens since the kiss, her good mood unable to be ruined.

Everything seemed a little better. Work passed more quickly and was more fulfilling. She laughed harder when she watched Emma at the track. She even had to laugh at her own cliché when she realized that music sounded better and the flavor of food was suddenly delicious.

She hadn't even minded dropping the children off at home earlier this evening, at least not as much as she usually did.

Regina had been satisfied since the party to simply rest on her bed in the evenings and think; which is what she was doing now.

The kiss had to be a good sign.

Perhaps she should bring her thoughts into the open? Ask Emma to dinner? It didn't have to mean...well, anything if Emma didn't want it to. But maybe she should simply suggest they spend time together again; become friends. Something easy in the beginning and then they could see.

She shifted against her pillows and, unable to find a good spot, she rose and began to slowly pace.

It wasn't the usual anxious pace she normally used; it was more of an ambling thinking kind of walk.

Hmm, a walk. That sounded nice. Though, she couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't be impulsive and end up at 108 so perhaps not.

Though...maybe she would be welcome. Could she find something that one of the children had left behind but needed? Damn. She would need to be far less thorough in her packing in the coming weeks.

As she paced, her mind wandered back to that oh so small but oh so significant kiss.

She remembered the way Emma's body had grown stiff, so surprised and yet her mouth had fallen open. There has been something so desirable in that rigid stiffness, tender and vulnerable.

Regina lowered herself into the chair across the room, her mind replaying that moment over and over.

She had felt Emma's frustration when she had kept the kiss clean and just then, she wished she hadn't. She wished that she had reached, tasting every inch of Emma's mouth, cupped her breasts, tasted her skin.

Regina's mind grew happily fuzzy as she imagined all of the possibilities, enjoying the slowly building arousal in her lower belly.

She shifted in her chair. She hadn't felt this, she hadn't been aroused since she had detoxed herself but it felt wonderful now as she imagined Emma's body sliding against hers. Without thinking she let her fingers drift, picturing all of the things that she could have done in the quiet seclusion of that hallway. Goodness, it wouldn't have been the first time in that hallway if she thought about it.

She imagined the scent of Emma, the sounds she would have made and mirrored them with her own. Biting her lip she saw in her mind's eye the way that Emma's face would have grown serious as her pleasure built, the way her hair would have trailed over Regina's face, the way they would have moved _together_.

Her smile was all the larger when she rose from her chair, secret and only for herself.

She hadn't been sure she could safely do that since her sexuality had been so tied to her Craft over the past months. Virgina had secretly been encouraging her to try, but Regina had downright refused. But that had felt good and to be honest; normal and _normal_ felt better than extraordinary.

She straightened her hair. Perhaps she should go to Granny's for an early dinner and then run to the bookstore and pick up something new as well as that book Ollie had been wanting. A walk in the budding fall air did sound nice.

She studied herself in the bathroom mirror, straightening her simple and classic black dress and couldn't help but to laugh at her silly little girl smile.

God, it felt so good to smile again.

Alright, she was probably putting too much into this.

Stop it, Regina, before you get your hopes up. You two need to talk.

With a choking gasp her smile dropped like stone. Her head whipped around as though she would be able to see through the solid wooden door.

No. Surely not. Surely...god _d_ _amn_ it. Why hadn't she expected this? That had been so foolish. No. This had to be quick. Absolutely not. No meant _no_! If anyone knew…

Not daring to believe it and hoping it was not true, she squared her shoulders and stepped from the bathroom.

"My, my, it _does_ smell delightful in here. What _have_ you been doing, Regina?"


	46. Chapter 46

**Regina**

* * *

"Naughty, naughty." The dirty blonde took a large whiff of the air and for just a moment her eyes glowed lightly mauve at the scent of the remaining sexual essence in the room.

Regina felt a shudder of sticky disgust slide down her spine as she stared at the dirty blonde in the chair that Regina had moments ago vacated. Her seating had been purposeful no doubt. Suddenly the thing that had felt wonderful and freeing moment before felt dirty and Regina hated this woman for taking that from her.

Mal looked better than she had last time that Regina had seen her. She hadn't realized that Mal's health had been deteriorating a bit doing what she had been doing with Regina, but she supposed it was logical that when someone was taking huge parts of your essence every day it could be a bit wearing.

She sat now in crisp tailored slacks and a small white satin tank top covered by an open black vest. Her large boho chic jewelry that had before read of casual wisdom and a 'free spirit' now looked tawdry.

The deep grey eyes studied her from under the brim of her hat, boring into her with a staggering intensity and a touch of amusement, reminding Regina of their first night together.

A wash of things happened in Regina all at once. The first was shock, the second was a sudden spasm in her loose but every present essence. A small twinge of desire, an old remembered feeling, began to rise in her before it was stamped down by unadulterated fury.

Her mouth fell open, but she was too shocked to speak.

Was she _kidding_?

"I should have known doing that would summon you: the wench of sexuality past."

Mal's grey eyes rolled and she pulled a cigarette out of thin air, lit it and took a small drag; the smoke curling around her face.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here, Maleficent?" She didn't like the way the scent of Mal's essence was triggering her own. It was different somehow, more alluring and yet disgusting. She was taking something new. This wasn't just Magic...but she didn't recognize it.

Mal's shoulders gave a blasé shrug, "It's been a few months. We both had time to cool down so I thought I would drop by with this." She held up a small pale blue bag embossed with the label 'Tiffany & Co'.

When Regina did not move Mal groaned, "It's an apology, Regina."

Regina frowned, her eyebrows coming sharply together. Why didn't she buy that?

"Aren't you going to open it?"

"...No, Mal. I'm not."

"Fine." Mal's hand casually swished through the air and suddenly the room went dark.

Regina frowned, pulling the sunglasses off her face.

"I thought they looked like you."

It was true they were perfectly shaped; the black of the frames shining splendidly and the small 'Please Return to Tiffany' key ring embedded in the side spoke of their expense. However, Regina wasn't even tempted. She ungraciously tossed them back into Mal's lap where they fell with a small clack.

"Rude."

Regina leaned against the doorframe to the bathroom, "I thought I made myself perfectly clear, Mal."

Mal vanished the gift, no doubt hidden somewhere Regina would find them later, and rose meandering slowly around the room, taking in Regina's obvious living space. "Still not home, I see."

"What are you _doing_ here, Mal?"

"I thought I already told you."

Agitated Regina wasn't sure what to do. She couldn't be here. She didn't want her there. Why didn't Mal understand that? How could you kick someone out who didn't understand that you meant it when you said go away? "Mal, this wasn't a fight that we need to simply get over. This was a permanent separation of ways."

"Oh god, Regina, it's been months; how can you still be cranky?"

"I'm not cranky, Mal! I'm" she searched for words, "emphatic. What did you think 'it's over' meant?"

Mal disappeared into mauve and when she reappeared Regina yelped, surprised. She was inches from her face, her breath coursing lightly over Regina's lips. "How many times in the past two decades have you told me that it's over, Regina?"

For a moment all Regina knew was panic, waiting for her body to respond; waiting for the undying thirst in her soul to take her despite her fighting. It was like a junkie standing in front of their dealer who willingly had a gift to give them. If she wanted it, she could have all of Mal's essence. She could drain her dry. She could drain her to the brink of death. Mal would never complain.

Mal's tongue darted out, flicking the tip of Regina's nose and suddenly Regina's hand shot out, grabbing Mal by the jaw. "No." She even laughed. She had been - afraid. She had been worried. But no - "Do not touch me, Mal." She wiped her nose and stepped away from her, not wanting to be violent as she had been before but needing to send a clear message.

"Alright." Mal grumbled and sat down in the chair, "I see you're still living here."

"How astute."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"I guess these means you're still trying?"

"Trying?"

Mal's eyes rolled, " _Trying_ , Regina, trying. You're still trying to live the happy, noble life. Married with children and all of that."

"Ugh!" Regina cried in exasperation, beginning to pace, "I don't want to have this talk again. This was not a fight, this not me pushing away secret feelings. This was a _no_! _Get out_! Leave! _Now_!"

"Let me ask you something. How do you feel? Right now?"

"Infuriated."

"Physically, Regina. Remember, I can feel you so you can't lie."

She frowned; she had been doing pretty well all things considered. Her fingers still shook ever so slightly from time to time, but she didn't even notice anymore. Her head didn't hurt. Her thirst, her constant need for _more_ was there, yes, but it was manageable and she was able to shove it to the back of her mind most of the time. Well, maybe that wasn't completely true but she was living with it, just as she had lived with the headache when her Craft had been hidden away. "If you can fucking feel me, Mal, then _why_ won't you believe that I mean what I'm saying?"

"Just because you think that you want something doesn't mean that in the long run you do. You've always been finicky that way."

"You're insane."

"That may be."

"Mal." Regina sat across from her on the bed and then thought the better of it, standing, "I need you to go. I'm saying this as kindly as I can because of all of our years of friendship. I don't want you, Mal. I want you to leave. I don't want to see you again."

Mal took a deep breath, "Do you remember Belize, Regina?"

Regina rolled her eyes. Of course she remembered and yes, she knew she was all but quoting herself from back then. It had been the only time after college that Regina had seriously considered entering into a relationship with Mal again. She and Mal had gone on a trip together and Regina had begged for it to be a romantic trip for just the two of them where they could talk together and grow. Mal had agreed and then a few days in brought home a stunning local for them to share. Regina had kicked her out, insisting that anything between them was over and locked the hotel room with Craft much stronger than Mal's. Only, twenty-four hours later Mal had charmed her way back into her bed and everything had continued on.

"This is not like that, Mal. Stop it! This is pathetic."

"No!" Mal barked and suddenly the room was still, everything frozen for a split second before continuing on its way, "What's pathetic is this!"

"This?"

"This attempt you're making Regina. Why are you so hell bent on ignoring yourself?"

"Whaa-"

"You didn't _have_ to sleep with me, Regina. You didn't. I wanted it, yes, but I didn't make you. As a matter of fact nothing but _you_ made you do it. You weren't even 'on'" Mal made sarcastic quotes in the air, "Magic – _my_ Magic, _my_ essence, I might add - not the first time. You made that choice. _You_."

Regina opened her mouth to bite back but instead wobbled ever so slightly. She already knew that but this didn't mean-

"What do you think that means, Regina my dear? It _means_ one of three things. One, I am a _part_ of you; forever under your skin and you can't deny me even if you wanted to. Or two, that is who you are; wild, self-indulgent, highly sexed and dangerous. Or three - a combination of the two. Look at your life, Regina. What does it tell you? I'm not saying that you don't love Emma and your children. You do. However, this is your _nature_. This is who you will always be. Why can't you admit that about yourself? Embrace it?"

It was as though Mal was speaking directly of her own secret worries.

"There was no provocation, Regina."

She could see Mal's desperation in her eyes, her honest plea for Regina to see what she saw. In Mal's mind this wasn't manipulation nor was it a game, it was the truth and she was trying to save Regina; save them.

"Saying that, Mal, is giving into the darkest side of myself. We all have darkness but-"

"No, it's not your darkness, Regina. It's what makes you _beautiful_. You let so many fucking people over your lifetime tell you that your light is your darkness. You mother. Your teachers. Your wife. It took strength to let what happen between us happen, Regina." Mal had approached her now, standing beside her. She softly, affectionately ran her fingers through her hair and Regina winced. "It takes strength to be different, to be wild. It is _who you are_. Please stop smothering your light. Once you do you will realize that we are cut from the same cloth." Mal's long fingers again tangled in her hair, tugging lightly. "You can keep trying and trying Regina. You can clean up. You can stay home. You can take care of the kids and fuck your wife and live this life you are so sure you want. But one day - one day your true self will leak through and there will be no one to blame but yourself because you didn't leave when you could."

Regina frowned, swallowing back bile. She didn't care that Mal was touching her. It was her words that were bothering her because - she already knew this. This was her exact fear.

Oh god, what if Mal was right. Mal did know her, she always had. She had a gift for it.

"No, Mal." Regina's voice was strong, powerful and thankfully didn't betray her thoughts. "You are not right about this."

Mal leaned down, face to face with her, "Fucked up can be beautiful, Regina."

Regina just stared, aghast.

"Are you trying to tell me that you broke your marriage vows for some other reason?"

Regina recoiled, not allowing her to get close enough for whatever Mal was going to do.

"There is more to me than that." But even Regina could hear the weakness in her voice.

"I never said there wasn't."

Regina stood so suddenly that it knocked Mal backward. "I need you to leave."

Mal chuckled, righting herself.

"No, Mal. I - I need you to leave. Now."

"We don't have to be lovers Regina. But I will not give up on our friendship. We need one another. I won't leave you."

"NOW!" She felt a swell, a giant tidal wave of Craft build inside of her. With effort she swallowed it back but not before Mal sensed it and gulped. She clenched her hands together. What was it about Mal that set her essence on edge, making it unstable and unreliable?

She needed Mal to go so she moved to the room phone. She had to get her out. She had to make her leave. Her words...they were, god, they were so true. She had done it all on her own because she was a shit person. There was a good chance that Mal was right. But she couldn't look at her, not right now. "Mal, if you won't leave I'm going to call the sheriff to remove you. I am very serious when I say no more. Don't come back here again. You are not welcome in my town."

Mal's eyebrow popped at the mention of 'sheriff' but she didn't need to make the reference. Regina already heard it.

Regina picked up the receiver and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, "Please don't challenge me, Mal."

Mal stepped close, caressing her jawline, "Regina." Her voice was a soft, loving purr.

She didn't want to do it, but she had to, didn't she?

She pressed the button, eyes on Mal's, "Hello Eugenia, can you please transfer me to the sheriff's station? No, no, everything is fine. I just need his assistance."

Mal scoffed, turning and sitting down in the chair.

She watched her as she made the call, explaining that she needed someone removed from her room, to get here as quickly as possible and yes, the deputy would do just fine. Regina put down the phone, honestly surprised. "You think this is a game, don't you?"

Mal hummed in her chest.

"Mal. Things are - things are getting better for me." She had been so certain of this before Mal's arrival but suddenly; had it all been in her mind? Did a kiss really mean anything at all? "Mal. He _is_ coming. Save yourself and me the humiliation and leave. Don't come back. You're not welcome. If need be, I will get a restraining order. Go."

Mal's eyes glittered because, unfortunately, this was not the first time Regina had called the police on Mal either.

So they just stared at one another until there was a soft knock at the door.

"Answer it, Regina. Go ahead. What should I do? Remove your clothing so you are nude when he comes in? Give you a mohawk?Mmmm, what type of show would you like to put on? This is so _silly_ , Regina."

Regina strode around the bed and reached for the knob. She paused though, looking back at Mal. "When I ask you to leave, Mal, it isn't a game. It isn't all in fun. I'm not asking you to try harder. What I am saying is that _I, Regina Coraline Mills, do not want you_."

She heard Ma gasp as she reached for the door knob, "Regina!"

"I'm very serious about this, Mal."

There was silence for a few breaths then, just as she was opening the door she heard, "I'm not leaving. I'll never fully leave. That is not who we are. I will never leave you, Alice."

_Alice?_

She turned to ask but Mal was be gone.

The sheriff's deputy blew into the room, weapon at the ready, glancing around confused.

"Hi, David. I'm sorry; it looks like she just left."

"Err-"

"I'm sorry to waste your time."

"No, no. It's alright, Regina. Are you okay?" He put away his gun and glared around uncertainly.

"I am."

"Are you sure they're -"

"Yes, she disappeared when you knocked. She always does."

"Err."

She felt drained, exhausted as the words swam around in her head, "Do me a favor though, please. Tell the front desk that as of now Maleficent Niobe is no longer welcome on the premises."

"Oh, _her_ ," His eyebrows pulled together and he nodded.

"Yes her. Say hi to your wife for me."

When he was gone she sat slowly on the bed, her head spinning. She wasn't sure that Mal was gone - at least she wasn't sure that Mal wouldn't simply return once she thought the deputy had gone.

Still, she put her head into her hands and wept.


	47. Chapter 47

**Emma**

* * *

She rolled over in her blankets again, her legs kicking trying to force the bed to be more comfortable but the damn thing didn't seem to want to cooperate. It was too hot - or maybe not hot enough. She pulled off her shirt only to put it back on again a few minutes later.

She tossed again and sat there for a while, wide awake and staring at the ceiling. The house was dead silent which, with three kids made her nervous at any time, but she knew that wasn't what was bothering her.

She wasn't sure when her head had last been this fucked up.

Never?

Well, no, after she had seen Regina and Mal having sex she had felt pretty fucked up but that had at least been a clean fucked up. It had an obvious course of action and an obvious clean cut feeling of pain.

This…

She kicked off the covers and pulled herself up, unable to lie there any longer.

Maybe she would go watch a movie or do some pushups...something to get her mind off of it. She wished she could call Lilith to come watch the kids at 1:39 A.M. because a run sounded perfect.

She slowly walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

She never really liked being awake when everyone else was asleep. It felt like being alone in a museum or an amusement park; places that are meant to be swarming with people. It was almost eerie.

She pulled a beer halfway from the fridge and then replaced it.

Instead, she clicked on the living room light and flopping down on the floor, she began to do sit ups, hoping the exertion would clear her mind.

She didn't know what to do.

That kiss…

She hated it.

But she had wanted it.

Hell.

She wanted her.

But she hated her.

She sped up her process, letting out a few shallow grunts as she did but her thoughts weren't budging.

She had been playing the same moment over and over again; that moment that Regina had stepped into her body, pressing herself ever so slightly into her. She could still feel every inch of her against her.

But that wasn't right. There was nothing in the books about that. Even when she had looked up online 'I still desire my cheating spouse' she had only found page after page of angry diatribes from scorned women explaining why it was wrong of her to feel that way.

And she agreed with them.

She should have punched Regina in the mouth after kissing her with the same lips that had been on, she had to assume, _all_ parts of Mal's body. Okay, maybe not punched her but throwing someone into the bay from their doorstep had worked once before.

She hadn't been able to think straight all evening after that.

No, she hadn't been able to think straight _since_ then. She hadn't been sleeping, not really. She was so tired, but she just couldn't get her brain to shut off.

Did this mean that she was one of those women? One of those women from 90's made for TV movies where the shitty cheating man bangs his secretary and the woman cries and cries, secretly aware of the affair and never doing anything about it?

Or was this normal? They hadn't gone straight for a divorce after all.

She didn't know. In some moments she laughed at herself; of course she still loved and wanted Regina - they had been married for years. Other times she couldn't stop herself from crying or growing angry because what the hell was she thinking? Whereas sometimes she simply was so caught in the rhythmic moans that had come from that stone cabin that she couldn't see straight.

She flopped back on the floor with a grunt.

The sit-ups weren't helping so she just stayed there, sprawled across the floor and giving in to a moment of self-pity.

She was going to have to face Regina soon.

They couldn't pretend forever that the kiss hadn't happened.

They couldn't just go on-

Her head quirked to the side like a dog hearing a high whistle that no one else could hear.

What the hell was that?

She listened but there was nothing.

She couldn't keep on going like this. Honestly, she couldn't keep existing in this limbo with Regina either. This limbo…she had never been lonelier. What-

She sat up, head tilting in the direction of the stairs. Was one of the kids awake? What was that?

The scratching sound grew, like nails on a wall.

Instantly Emma was on her feet, fear pulsing at her temples. Middle of the night scratching noises? No, thank you.

Quickly she pulled as much energy as she could to her palms, letting them flicker like bonfires and started up the stairs.

The silence pressed on her, heavy and thick.

She made it to the bottom step and stopped, staring up at the blackened hallway. Was there something moving up there? She could swear...

Oh shit, the kids!

She took the stairs two at a time and then let out a high scream as suddenly the doorknob to the front door jiggled. She covered her mouth, shutting off the sound midway. Her heart was pounding but her vision narrowed as the jiggling, scratching sound got louder. She came back down the stairs and steadied herself a few feet back, her hands sparking angrily. This is how fucking horror movies started.

Raising them over her shoulder, ready to swoop, she counted...one...two….. _three_!

The door swung open and as it did she bared down on whatever or whoever was messing with her door.

The scream that met her made her stumble backward and she only just called off her blast before it lashed across the person there.

Regina was on her back, her arm reached out above her as though seconds before she had been gripping the door handle. "The hell doing?" Regina cried as Emma hissed, "Regina, what the _fuck_ are you _doing_?"

Emma dropped her hands, trying to calm her racing heart and swearing every curse word that she knew.

Regina opened her mouth to speak but instead her keys slipped from her vertical hand and landed, with a yelp of pain, across her forehead and eyes.

"Jesus! Are you okay?" She reached out and offered Regina a hand. "Why the hell are you on the ground?" It was only then that Emma noticed her blurred makeup and bleeding knees, "Regina?"

Regina stared up at her for a second before she burst into loud, hiccupping tears.

Startled, Emma pulled her up and was hit by the scent of vodka as thick as a wall. "Whoa!"

Regina's legs shook as she tried to stand and, unable, she collapsed into Emma's arms, clutching her tank and sobbing.

"What the hell?" Emma had only seen Regina this drunk a handful of times in all the years they had known one another. Arms around her so she didn't sink to the floor, Emma walked them inside just enough to close the front door then she stopped and pulled Regina's face up out of her chest, "You're drunk?"

Regina just cried.

"Regina, what's wrong?"

Regina stared at her for a long while before crumbling apart, her face back in Emma's chest and wailing, " _It's_ allmy fau't _._ "

"Shhh! Shhh! The kids! You'll wake up the kids." She all but carried Regina into the far end of the living room and plopped her on the couch. "What's all your fault?"

"All of it! All - all of itss."

She was slurring so badly that Emma wasn't sure she was catching what she was saying. "All of what?"

"Alla this! I'm," her breath caught a few times as she tried to speak and cry at the same time, "I'm terribles. I fuck'd it-itall. I fucked it. Emma! Eeeemmmma!"

Regina's arms wrapped around her and she buried her face into her neck, her whole body shaking so hard that it scared Emma just a little bit.

"Okay, okay." She lowered them onto the couch where Regina fell over, her face planting hard into the cushions.

"Ow!" Regina scowled, rubbing her nose and making what at any other moment, would have been a hilarious confused face.

Emma helped her roll over. She wasn't sure how to communicate. Regina was a mess. She smelled of booze, her palms and knees were bleeding badly, her makeup was flowing down her face in rivers and, if Emma was not mistaken, she was going to have a bit of a bruise from where her clunky keys hit her. She pulled Regina flat, laying her out on the couch while Regina convulsed with sobs, mumbling incoherent sentences about 'it was all her fault' and 'it was because of her' as she slipped in and out of consciousness.

Emma stood with her hands on her hips. Well. She assumed she knew what Regina meant when she said that it was her fault.

The mumbling turned into jagged words here and there then slowly she fell silent, snoring.

Sooo - Regina was shit faced.

Worry eating at her, she went back upstairs and pulled on a pair of flannel pajama pants over her underwear and came back down, unsure of what to do.

Hesitantly she went to the bathroom and grabbed some cotton swabs and the peroxide. She went back to the passed out woman but scowled, okay maybe first she should get some food into that stomach.

One eye on Regina, she went to the kitchen, made a sandwich and brewed a pot of coffee adding a few ice cubes to cool it and add water to fight the dehydration.

Setting the food on the coffee table she grabbed the peroxide and drenched the cotton swab, starting with her palms.

It took a minute, but halfway through cleaning the second bleeding palm Regina woke with a vengeance.

"Hey!" Emma barked when Regina tried to snatch her hand away.

Regina's startled face stared up at her through one eye.

"Here. Eat this."

Silently, Regina obeyed.

She moved on to Regina's knees, kneeling before her as the woman ate.

"How did you fuck up your knees and hands?"

"Crawled." Regina slurred through a mouthful of turkey and bread.

"What?"

"Craaawleddd." Regina exaggerated as though Emma didn't speak English.

"Crawled? From where? Why?"

"Grrnny's. Kept - keep fall'ng over."

The sandwich and the coffee were already gone and Regina's eyes were already drooping.

" _You crawled here from Granny's_?"

"Hadda gethome."

Regina was already asleep again.

Unsettled, Emma sat across the couch from her, finding comfort in the crook of the corner and stared at Regina. Why the hell had she crawled? Why the hell was she coming here? Why was she so drunk?

She began to fretfully doze, waiting until Regina was sober enough to tell her what the fuck was going on.

* * *

Someone moving on the other end of the couch had Emma's eyes popping open, pulled completely from her sleep instantly.

Regina was sitting up, blinking quickly.

Emma filled the coffee cup on the table with water and pointed, "Drink that. Are you going to be sick?"

Regina's head wobbled back and forth, "Bathroom."

"You sure you're not going to be sick?"

Regina shook her head and stood, knocking into the coffee table and nearly tipping over.

Emma held her breath when Regina wobbled back to the couch. She almost made it before tripping on nothing and falling hard to her already wounded knees. She offered her hand but Regina just brushed it away, pulling herself onto the couch by her fingernails.

"Drink the water."

Regina did.

When the glass was set uncoordinatedly on the table Emma asked her question, "What the hell, Regina?"

She looked at her for a long while and then began to cry again. It wasn't like before, a blubbering mess but her tears were still drunkenly sluggish as she buried her face in her hands, "This is all my fault, Emma. I - our life, I've ruined everything."

"Are you talking about – _us_?" Emma tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Yes."

Emma nodded, feeling sick. She was so tired and her stomach hurt. She didn't know how to handle drunk, upset Regina; she could barely handle sober, put together Regina.

"I- I -I was feeling - I thought - and then Mal showed up and-"

"What?" The instant fury almost overtook her.

Regina jumped, "No,no,no,Emma, I - I called the sheriff on her. I made her leave."

"Good!"

"But she said- all of these things and - oh, god, they were all so true."

Regina's tears began to build.

"What did she say?"

"That I'm fucked up. Fucked up is who I am, who I'll always be. I don't deserve you or the kids. I'm fucked and god, she was right. It's _all_ my fault."

Emma couldn't just watch Regina rip herself apart like this. She could see the seams of Regina bleeding. "Actually, I don't think it is."

"Is what?"

"All your fault."

Regina looked up, her face open and raw, "What?"

"I don't think it's that black and white." She could never have said this to sober Regina but this mess of a woman across the couch from her... she could say it to her.

"Were you perfectly happy before Mal came into our lives?"

Regina blinked slowly, "No."

"Well. There you go."

"D-do you really feel that way?"

"Not always. But I've been reading-"

"I know."

Emma scoffed, "I know you know. Anyway. Everything I've been reading tells me that we both got us to that place. Is it okay you cheated? _No_. Should you have cheated? _No_. Is it solely your fault that you cheated? _Yes_. But is it solely your fault that our marriage was vulnerable? No, I don't think so. That took both of us."

Regina's face was back in her hands and she was crying harder than she had all night.

"What's wrong?"

It took a while for Regina to get the words out through her tears, "Hearing you- hearing you say that-"

Tentatively Emma reached over and pat her back. Regina caught her hand and held it to her wet face. "Oh, Emma. I miss you so much. Every day. All day. I don't know how to live like this. I hate it."

Emma's stomach churned with uncertainty again. Did she want to scoot away or did she want to comfort her?

As Regina's tears grew so did Emma's guilt. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and she pulled. Regina came after only a second's hesitation, resting her face against Emma's chest as she cried.

Emma stroked her head and let her cry it out, leaning back into the corner of the couch when it seemed as though the tears weren't going to abate anytime soon.

"I don't know what I feel, Regina." Emma finally said as Regina's tears began to slow, her breath hitching and her fist wrapped securely in Emma's tank top. "I'm so confused. I'm so - angry and heartbroken and betrayed."

"You don't miss me at all?" The voice was tiny and muffled as she pressed her face into Emma's chest.

"I do. I miss you - always. But - I don't know. Is that what I'm supposed to feel?"

"I don't think you're _supposed_ to feel anything."

"Logically I know that. Logically I know that it's okay to still love you, to still want you but - my heart..."

"But you kissed me back." The voice came again.

"I know."

"Was it wrong?"

"I don't know Regina, I - I don't know."

Regina's head rose, looking questioningly into her eyes.

Habitually Emma wiped away the damp under her nose and the makeup under her eyes, knowing that Regina needed an answer but not having one. It felt good to have Regina in her arms like this, especially when her being drunk meant that she probably wouldn't remember it in the morning; but she couldn't _trust_ her - she had cheated on her.

"Emma." Another few tears fell from her eyes.

When Regina's lips came this time they were softer, timid and questioning.

Emma let her kiss her because she wanted to understand what she felt; because Regina needed an answer and she had to give it. She let her kiss her - and kiss her - and kiss her until Regina was pressed against her - until her hands were in Regina's hair, holding her to her - until a wanton whimper popped from her, startling them both. Emma's eyes closed as Regina moved from her lips to her jaw and up to the soft spot below her ear. Her mouth fell open and her breath caught. She felt hands slip under her tank top and settle on her stomach, rubbing and inching. She bit her lip as Regina nibbled on her earlobe.

" _I want you._ " The voice was thick and raspy and it did funny things to Emma's head.

She chuckled, "Well, you are drunk and you were always a horny drunk."

Regina pulled away and there was such clarity there, none of the foggy drunken glare, that it forced Emma's head to clear as well, "No Emma. I _want_ you; like I want water and air." Regina's face pleaded and suddenly it was too much. "Like I want food and - and -"

"I have to go to bed." She knew it was sudden, but she needed to be alone.

"Emma-"

"No, Regina. I have to go…It's late. Look, stay on the couch - or in one of the guest rooms but - I have to go to bed now, okay? We'll - we'll talk in the morning."

After a moment, Regina nodded, "Okay." She pulled herself off of Emma and to the opposite side of the couch.

Emma stood, her mind numb and tingly like a limb that had fallen asleep. She felt uncomfortable again, the same kind of uncomfortable as before - only - "Okay. I'll, I'll see you in the morning."

She was running from her, she knew that.

She climbed the stairs quickly, exhausted mentally and physically.

What would she say in the morning?

She shook her head to herself; hopefully nothing. Hopefully Regina would wake in a few hours completely sober and with hungover amnesia.

* * *

It felt like it was still the middle of the night when her alarm went off. She pulled herself from bed, bumping into the doorway of the bathroom as she entered it, eyes barely open.

Coffee.

She was going to need very thick, very strong coffee.

"Ollie. Get up, sweet pea."

"I'm up!"

She could hear the shower running so she knew Henry was already awake.

She gathered Bonnie into her arms, her eyes finally wrenching themselves fully open and started down the hall.

The couch was empty.

Maybe Regina had sobered enough to remember that she could poof herself home and she had left. Maybe she had crawled again.

Emma drank down the last of the coffee from the batch she had made in the middle of the night and made some more.

She fed and dressed the kids, hauling them off to school with surprising success.

She stopped in the foyer upon returning, listening to the quiet house. Regina really must have gone.

She played a game of peek-a-boo with Bonnie as well as where's your belly button before she plopped her in her playpen and started on the morning dishes.

She didn't hear the heels on the stairs, but she did hear them when they hit the foyer.

Emma gasped, dropping the plate that was in her hands, spinning around.

She wished that she wasn't still in her pajamas pants and - she glanced at her hands - and she didn't have giant yellow dish gloves on.

Regina was looking down at herself, looking just fine as though she hadn't gotten just as little sleep as Emma. She was still buttoning the wrists of her white button up and when she looked up Emma could see the same look Regina had worn on her face for every piece of mayoral business she had ever conducted. Her lips were slightly pursed, her eyes almost impartial; her back and shoulders perfectly straight. It was a dead giveaway to her discomfort and it made Emma nervous. Regina clasped her hands in front of her and said in a matter of fact voice, "Emma. We never decided what this separation would mean for us as a couple or us as a family. Therefore, I am wondering, would you like to go out on a date?"

Emma's jaw fell to the floor.

Regina cleared her throat and awkwardly stared, waiting.

A strange mangled sound came out of Emma, but Regina showed no reaction.

Then Emma was yelling, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU - YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING! YOU FUCKING _CHEATED_ ON ME! YOU BROKE OUR FAMILY, YOU BROKE ME! THESE PAST MONTHS HAVE BEEN THE WORST OF MY LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU! I FUCKING - I BARELY - I-" Regina was showing absolutely no sign of agitation or discomfort, nor even amusement at the giant yellow gloves being waved at her. She just stood there, slightly pursed, waiting for an answer. "I- YOU - FUCKING-" Emma's passion was dying. "HOW…" Her eyes narrowed, "Fine!"

Regina nodded once as though they had just settled on a deal about farming zones or street renaming. "Good. I'll pick you up Friday night at six."

She cleared her throat once more and headed out the front door.

Mouth still hanging open, Emma watched her go; speechless.


	48. Chapter 48

**Regina**

* * *

She had to admit when someone knocked on her door in early evening that Friday she almost didn't answer. She froze, midway through her panicked clothing search, staring the door down. She wasn't expecting anyone at all so this was more than likely bad, right? Maybe that was just her foreboding nerves but who the hell was it? Her gut told her that it was going to be Mal back - again - at the most inopportune moment; _hours_ from her date with Emma. Oh no; or maybe it was going to be Emma. Maybe she was here to cancel; tell her that she was very much mistaken and instead of moving toward healing their relationship she now wanted to hand over divorce papers.

The knock came again, but Regina just stared at the door, refusing.

"Mom?"

Regina let out a gush of air and swung the door open from across the room, "Henry, you _scared_ me."

He stepped in, grinning, "Think I was Mom?"

She opened her mouth to answer, fidgeting a little and then changed her mind again. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged, sitting down on the edge of the bed and taking in the hastily thrown piles of clothes. Regina flushed ever so slightly. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine." She gave him a broad grin but he wasn't fooled.

"So….having a hard time deciding what to wear?" He asked with mischief in his eyes.

She groaned and turned back to the small closet and her highly disappointing clothes.

"Where are you guys going?"

"Just to dinner," Regina said, distracted as she pulled out another dress, "I wanted to keep it simple. Ugh, why is everything I own black, gray or red?"

Henry started to laugh, "It's kind of your thing, Mom. How nice is the restaurant?"

"I suppose nicer than Granny's but not exactly five-star. I wanted to keep it light."

"So then you don't want anything too...formal?"

"No, I suppose not but I also don't want anything overly casual." She was talking without giving it much thought but suddenly something occurred to her. "You're helping me get dressed?"

He shrugged.

"Does that mean that we're friends again?" She tried to keep the smile from her face.

Uncomfortable, Henry just shrugged again, "What about this?"

He held up a knee length red dress.

Regina considered it but no, her original thought was right, "No, I don't want to wear red. It's so-"

"Harsh?"

"Yes, I suppose harsh would be a good word. Does this mean you've decided-"

Henry chewed his lip, "At first I really wanted Ma to get some confidence back so that she could find a girlfriend."

Ow.

"But – I don't know, you're my moms, I guess. What about this?"

Regina didn't know if she should be touched or – she cleared her throat and shook her head.

He rose and started going through her hanging dresses, "This?"

He held out a very simple light gray dress.

"No, it looks like a potato sack."

He stared at it baffled and then laughed, not bothering to hide his amusement, "'Kay, what about this?"

She shook her head.

"What about a skirt and shirt? Or pants and a shirt?"

She scowled, studying her reflection in the mirror. She needed a haircut. Closing her eyes, she concentrated and her long waves were suddenly perfectly trimmed, bouncing just past her shoulders.

"Ugh, I wish I could do that. I would change my hair every day."

Regina scoffed and started on her makeup.

"Oh, Mom, what about this?" He pulled out a simple grayish tan dress, classic in its cut but with a dipping triangular collar to give it personality. "Mom liked you in this, remember?"

She did remember.

She never knew what it was about this dress, but there was something that transfixed Emma. She nodded a little and a second later it was on. She secured a small belt around the waist and looked in the mirror.

"You look great, Mom. Stop worrying."

Touched and extremely nervous, Regina pulled him in for a long hug.

"You alright?"

She took a deep breath and nodded, "Just -"

"Yeah, I know. But just try to have fun, you know? No big deal. It's just dinner with Ma."

She kissed his cheek.

She dropped Henry back at 108 when she arrived to pick up Emma. If she tried hard enough, Regina could almost pretend that she was simply there to drop the kids as she had done once a week for months. It helped that Henry was doing his best to make her laugh, but the moment that she saw Emma coming down the stairs accompanied by Penny, her heart dropped into her stomach.

It was clear that Emma hadn't known what to wear either. She had settled on a somewhat in the middle style was well, not too formal nor too casual; a simple drape blouse and tight slacks. She had pulled her hair back in the way that Regina had always liked, something of a loose knot behind her head and her makeup was light. She looked absolutely beautiful.

Was she allowed to say that? Would it be rude if she didn't say that? Oh no! Should she have brought flowers? Or would that have been a bit too much? Perhaps she should follow Henry's example and give Emma an awkward shoulder bump then take her hand and do her best not to look at her because it was all almost too much for her to take.

She and Emma caught eyes and Regina smiled, "Emma."

Emma nodded a quick, rigid nod and huffed a deep breath once she had hit the foyer.

"Emma, you look-" Regina cleared her throat suddenly aware of Henry and Penny watching them.

"Mommy!" She was saved by Ollie who came skipping up, elated. "Wooooooow, you both look so preeeeetty!"

Well. It was a good thing there wasn't a mountain of pressure here or anything, she thought as she realized both of her children were staring at them expectantly.

"Where is Ruby?" Regina asked, simply for something to say.

"Upstairs, Bonnie is in the bath."

"I see." Regina gave Ollie's cheek a kiss, "Well then. Shall we go?"

Emma's eyebrows were tight, but she nodded.

"We'll see you later." They each kissed the kids goodbye and headed out to the car.

Once inside they sat awkwardly for a second, simply trying to get used to this idea of dating.

"So." Emma finally said, glancing Regina's way and then away again, "Where are we going?"

"I- I thought we would start simple. Dinner. Is that alright with you?"

Emma nodded, "Simple is good."

They spent the forty-five-minute drive out of town in near silence. Regina tried; she tried as hard as she could to come up with a decent topic of conversation, but each thing she tried fell flat so eventually she gave up.

The city lights normally gave Regina a burst of excitement. She loved her quiet little town but it was also nice to sometimes escape into a world of color, lights, motion and noise. Tonight though her stomach stayed tight and hard with strain. So much so that it took her a minute or two to realize that she had made a mistake, "Oh. Shit. I missed the turn-off."

"Where are we going?"

"The corner of State and Amber."

"Yeah, that was a good two stops back."

She got off the freeway in silence and headed back the way they came.

"You need to get off here."

Regina shook her head absentmindedly; trying to come up with conversation topics for when they were together at the restaurant, "No, it's the next one."

"No Regina, it's here. Otherwise, you'll get caught on the one way."

"Emma, really, I know where I'm going."

"Clearly you don't though."

Regina's lips pursed, "Can you just trust me, please?"

"Alright. Fine, you'll see. Don't complain to me when we're stick and we have to go all the way around downtown to get back to where we need to go."

Regina sighed and took the exit she knew to be correct but upon approaching the one-way streets that Emma had been referring to she heard a loud huff, "See. Now we're going to have to go around like five blocks before we can even turn around."

"Emma, I know where I'm going. _Please_ stop backseat driving."

Emma's arms crossed and she glared, about to retaliate when Regina pulled into a vacant spot.

" _See_. That is the restaurant on the corner there."

"Okay. Fine."

She gave Emma an I-told-you-so look and Emma glared back belligerently. Not sure what else to say they pulled themselves from the car and into the evening air. She took a deep breath, trying to recenter herself and searched through her purse. She had meant to throw a quarter or two for the meter into her purse but she had forgotten, "Oh no. Emma, do you have a quarter?"

She looked up to see Emma already halfway to the restaurant.

"The meters only go until eight." She said in a matter of fact tone and nodded her over, but Regina frowned.

"It's only 7:45."

"Yes, exactly. No one is going to come around in the next fifteen minutes. It's a waste."

Beginning to feel discouraged she chewed the inside of her cheek, "Yes, that maybe true but it's a rather large risk to take, don't you think? As Mayor, I always had someone go through Storybrooke right before the meters turned off, why couldn't that be true here as well? What would we do if the car was gone when we were through eating?"

"But that's not going to happen."

"It's a quarter Emma. Do you have one or not?"

Emma gave her an open are-you-crazy look.

"Emma. Please don't make me go inside just to break a dollar if you have a quarter on you." She was trying but her annoyance was beginning to show.

Rolling her eyes, Emma dug out a quarter, "Fine. Here. Jesus."

"Thank you."

Okay, this wasn't going well. She popped the quarter into the machine, watching Emma enter the restaurant without her. She was beginning to wonder why Emma had even agreed to come. Yes, she had been drunk that night but - by that time - she hadn't been so drunk not to feel the way that Emma responded to her. She had been drunk enough to kiss her in the first place, but she supposed that was an entirely different matter. But Emma, well, let's just say it hadn't been Regina who had deepened the kiss and it hadn't been Regina who had pulled her, by the ass mind you, closer as they kissed.

Emma had wanted her that night and she didn't only mean physically. She was sure of that. So why was Emma pushing herself into anger tonight? Regina could feel it; she wasn't in a bad mood or simply hungry - Emma was pushing, forcing herself to be mad.

Why?

She supposed that she should have expected this.

Alright. So how could she fix it?

She followed her into the restaurant, her lips pursed.

Emma was just inside looking cross.

"Hello, reservation for Mills."

The host checked her list and nodded, casting cautious glances at Emma.

They slid into their seats and both instantly ordered a drink.

"Emma-" Regina said slowly, feeling a wave of hostility roll at her, "I know this isn't easy but - arguing like this, it's not going to help. I know that you're still angry with me but-"

Emma growled out a sigh but slumped back in her seat, "You're right. I'm being an ass, I'm sorry. I-"

"You're angry."

"Yeah."

Unsure if it was wise she reached over and took Emma's hand for a second, avoiding her eyes, "I understand but maybe, let's just agree to put it on the back burner for tonight? Let's just _try_ and see what happens."

"You're right." Still, Emma pulled her hand away.

The night improved - a little bit.

The food was good and everything but - it was...not going well. Each time they tried to fall into a conversation the words got stuck in their throats and the atmosphere became all the more tense. Regina spent the entire evening in a blind panic trying to fix it as it broke, but that was like trying to hold water in the bowl of your hands. The harder she tried, the more it slipped away.

Finally, they simply gave in to small talk, discussing the children and the town.

When their server asked what they wanted for dessert, Emma declined before Regina could speak.

Regina didn't know what to feel as they drove back in the same tense silence.

She was disappointed, yes, but she almost felt _foolish_. Maybe it was too much, too big. Maybe it had been ruined to the point that it couldn't be fixed. Maybe they were fooling themselves.

She could feel stress knots in the tight muscles of her back and tried to rearrange herself, hoping to force them to release.

Emma's voice in the darkness made her jump, "I'm sorry, Regina. I know you were hoping it would go better than this."

Regina cleared her throat, surprised to find a small prickle of tears in the corners of her eyes, "No, no,"

"Yeah, you did."

"I didn't want it to be anything other than exactly what it is. Honest."

Honest.

Maybe they just needed to be honest with one another and admit that this hadn't worked.

They entered the quiet house and found Ruby sitting on the couch with Henry, "Oh hey, you guys are back early."

Regina gave her a blasé smile and fiddled with her keys, turning back to Emma. "Well, I'll be by in the morning to pick them up."

Emma nodded.

The tension grew until Regina couldn't stand it anymore. "Okay. Goodnight."

* * *

"Oh it was awful, Mary-Margaret! A complete and utter disaster. We fought the whole way there and had absolutely nothing to say to one another the rest of the time. It was terrible."

Regina was sitting with her face in her hands, trying not to moan too loudly as they were at the park and parents were already looking concerned.

"No, it couldn't have been that bad!"

"It was. _Emma_ declined dessert. Chocolate Lava Cake was on the menu as well as cheesecake and she _declined_. That's how bad it was! We kept talking about the kids but it was clear that the only reason why we were doing that was to cut the silence. We didn't even say anything new, we were just talking to talk."

"Well." Mary-Margaret searched for words and Regina moaned again.

They watched their kids play on the grass together for a while, Mary-Margaret lost in thought and Regina just trying not to stay in her own head. She didn't like it there right now, it was too full of questions like, what did this mean and what did they do now?

"Do you think that maybe it was too much?"

Regina snorted.

"No, I mean, do you think it was too much for the first time in so long? You two have barely spoken to one another in a long time. Maybe dinner for two was just a little too much pressure?"

Regina turned, trying to stomp down the sudden hope, "Meaning we should have tried something easier than dinner first?"

"Maybe."

"Oh, but what is easier than dinner? I suppose we could have done something that did not require us to talk." Mary-Margaret blushed and Regina snapped, "Like a show - or something."

"Maybe something with the kids."

"Oh!" That made sense.

"I mean, Ollie's birthday went so well-"

"You're right!" Regina could have kissed her, "You know, I find myself wondering this often these days, but shouldn't you be having this conversation with Emma? Quelling _her_ nerves from last night? You are _her_ best friend."

Mary-Margaret laughed a little, "Trust me Regina, right now _I am_ being her best friend."

* * *

Regina entered 108 with set determination the following evening. She took a second to take a deep breath and then strode into the living room.

"Regina!" Emma scrambled from her seat flushing wildly.

"Emma - can I speak to you for a minute?"

"Uh yeah."

They both looked at Henry who was standing beside Regina looking between them and grinning.

Regina's eyes narrowed and she flicked her head in the direction of the stairs.

"Oh!" Henry jumped, "Uh, right. Okay."

Hands clasped nervously in front of her, she took a huge breath, "I think perhaps we started too big."

"Umm-"

"I can't help but to wonder if perhaps we should have begun with something easier, like a trip to the park with the children."

Emma's eyes lit up, "That's what Virginia and Ivy said. We put too much pressure on ourselves." Emma sat back down, still obviously tense but trying her best.

"I think we did." She knew she was using the same demeanor that she had used when initially asking Emma out. She tried to relax her shoulders, but she couldn't.

"So?"

They sat there in awkward contemplation for a moment.

"Next Saturday morning, perhaps we should take the children out somewhere. Together."

"Like?"

"The movies?"

Emma nodded slowly. Regina could sense a confession coming on and held her breath. Was she going to decline?

"I think - I think I need to give myself permission."

"Permission?"

"I was - I saw the twins - I dunno, I think I was so busy holding on to this idea that I shouldn't be there that I couldn't let go and enjoy."

"I see. So when you say permission you mean-"

"To date you?"

Regina nodded. Somehow that both hurt and felt wonderful all at once. She felt as though she had to hold on to her anger but - perhaps this meant that she was willing to try?

"I don't know Regina - I'm not sure about any of this."

"Well." Regina cleared her throat, "Perhaps we should make one final attempt."

Emma thought for a torturously long minute before agreeing.

"Alright then. I will see you - all - on Saturday morning."

* * *

Regina had worked specifically hard at nonchalance that morning. She had spent an equally long time in front of her closet but this time she had walked away in a comfortable, crisply white cotton shirt and _jeans_ ; something that Regina never wore but Emma loved on her. As a matter of fact, if she thought back, the worn and perfectly fitted pair had once been Emma's.

Well. No, she had worn mom jeans not long ago, awkward ones that had been too big where they should have been small and small where they should have been too big. These were stylishly comfortable.

She pulled on a pair of flats and took a deep breath.

She knew that putting too much on this would be the kiss of death so she did her best not to - only - it was really hard when Emma opened the door and, shocked gave her an open once over.

"Hi."

"Good morning." Regina grinned and stepped inside, pushing the children in with her.

Ollie was excited when they told him what they were doing and even Henry grinned in appreciation.

Regina was grateful he was on the I-want-my-moms-back-together side. Things were so much easier when he was not shooting her glares all of the time.

They weren't necessarily sure that Bonnie was really old enough to go to the movie theater, but they had bought tickets for the first showing, hoping they would fit in with the rest of the crowd.

The drive into town was very different than the one that Emma and Regina had taken the week before. Where that ride had been littered with awkward silences, it now was littered with repetitive rounds of The Wheels on the Bus and other Bonnie friendly songs.

Regina was optimistically hopeful as she looked over at Emma and found that she was smiling. There was a strange melding feeling as they drove, Henry telling the car all about getting ready for soccer tryouts and it was making Regina feel as though she had just had a large B12 shot.

Regina lifted Bonnie from her seat as Emma helped Ollie out and together they walked up to the theater, laughing as Ollie spun insisting he wanted to stay there forever and ever and ever and ever because he _loved_ the movies.

"Moms! Moms, Moms!" Henry stopped them as soon as they entered the building, grabbing them as though he had something very important to ask. "Can we play video games?"

Emma looked to Regina, her lip curling up into the beginning of a smile.

"What do you say? Ready to have your butt kicked?" Regina knew that she was pushing the casual familiarity a bit, but Emma's smile just grew.

"Oh, you're on lady!"

"Me first! Me first! Me first!" Ollie cried jumping onto the seat of the closest racing game.

"Wait a minute, mister." Emma grabbed him, spinning him upside down and making him giggle, "I have a challenge to rise to."

She plopped him on his feet and Regina handed Bonnie to Henry, trying to hide her pleasure at Emma's reaction. It was clear. This had been the way to go.

They put in their quarters and glanced at one another. Regina's heart thwaped in her chest as she saw a sparkle in Emma's eye that she hadn't seen in a while. Maybe _if_ they had another date it should be to an arcade.

They chose their cars and they were off!

"Alright! Come on, mom!" Henry cried, making Bonnie laugh and clap.

"Which one of us are you rooting for, kid?" Emma asked, eyes never leaving the screen.

"Uh - since I think voting for either of you would probably get me grounded from the other one I'm going to stick with the vague title of 'mom'."

Regina laughed and purposely said, "It's alright, Henry. You can root for me. You won't get in trouble!"

Emma let out a snort and then a cackle as with a surprisingly high pitched yelp from Regina her car crashed into a wall so hard that it flipped three times.

"What? This game is rigged. I am an _excellent_ driver."

"Player two wins!" The machine cried and Emma gave a small bow.

"Rematch! I demand a rematch!"

"No way! It's my turn! I called winner!" Henry cried, all but pushing Regina out of her seat.

They played against one another for a little while and in between they chased Bonnie around, who was picking up on the spirit of fun and running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Next was a game of air hockey where they played two on two, Emma holding Bonnie on her hip as they did.

"Pleeeaaaase!" Ollie and Henry begged, both literally on their knees when it was time to go in, "You haaaave to have popcorn at the movies!"

Emma rolled her eyes and handed Bonnie over to Regina, "Why don't you get us seats and we'll grab snacks."

"Alright." Regina chased Bonnie all the way down the hallway, feeling lighter than she had in months. Bonnie loved it, zigzagging and laughing until she was winded then Regina scooped her up with a roar and they entered the theater.

She was pleased to see that Bonnie was not the only toddler ready to watch the cartoon, still she grabbed seats furthest in the back just in case.

She and Bonnie looked around and then played a little game while waiting for everyone else.

"Oh, you've _got_ to be kidding me." Regina looked up to see her wife and two sons carrying enormous amounts of junk. At first glance, she could see two tubs of popcorn, three Icee's and, oooh, was that a box of After Eight's?

"What?" Emma asked innocently.

"I don't think you have enough food."

Emma rolled her eyes and took the seat beside Regina with only the slightest of hesitation.

"I don't get an Icee?" Regina asked as Emma handed her the box of Regina's favorite chocolates with a shy but knowing grin and pulled some Milk Duds out of her pocket.

Emma's eyes rolled, "Because you don't _like_ them. Every single time we come to a movie you think you want one and every single time you take one sip and give the rest to Henry because you hate it."

Regina frowned.

"Fine. You can have some of mine."

Regina held out her hand in a silent demand.

Amused Emma handed it to her.

She took a long sip and then shivered, "Blegh!"

"I _told_ you that you don't like it."

Regina frowned, pulling an After Eight from the box just to get that flavor out of her mouth.

The air changed just a little bit as Emma leaned back and her shoulder brushed Regina's. They both tried not to acknowledge it but Regina felt the tension grip them again.

Emma cleared her throat and shifted just a bit, but there was nowhere she could go in these tight movie seats where she wasn't touching Regina a little bit; not with Henry and his massive shoulders next to her.

Then Bonnie noticed the bucket of popcorn and threw herself over into Emma's lap in a mad scramble to get there before Emma moved it.

"No, you don't!" Emma laughed, lifting the bucket and placing it in Regina's suddenly empty lap. "Nice try though kid!"

Bonnie blinked, confused and then giggled.

They laughed with her.

"When is the movie gonna start?" Ollie asked, already looking like he had enough sugar in his system to last a life time. Oh god, Halloween was coming up _very_ soon. The kid was going to be wired for the next month. It was the only time they allowed candy in the house.

Regina looked around the theater, understanding what he was really saying and said, "I spy with my little eye...something red."

Emma gave her a sideways grin as Ollie and Henry both jumped to attention.

"Hmmm, red...red… oh!" Regina shot Henry a look and he hushed.

"Is it the seats?" Ollie asked.

"Nope, try again."

"Is it the….floor?"

"That's not really a red as much as a maroon."

"Come on it's _so_ obvious!"

Ollie scowled at his brother and then looked around again, "Is it her hair?"

Both Emma and Regina blushed as a woman a few rows down looked around in annoyance.

"No, sweet pea it's not that."

"...THE SIGN!"

"Shhhhh!" Regina chuckled, "That's right. Your turn!"

"'Kay, I spy...something pink!"

"It's your shirt." Henry rolled his eyes.

"Hey! Stop being so good at this game."

Henry studied Emma trying to discern if he was actually in trouble or not, then grinned. "Okay, my turn-"

They played until the room went black and Bonnie looked around, confused and a little uneasy.

Then the screen lit up and Bonnie's eyes grew round as saucers.

The movie was cute as far as kid movies went. Regina wasn't sure if it was true or just in her mind, but were kids movies getting...cooler these days?

She wasn't sure when it had happened, but at some point between the first laugh and the twentieth Emma had relaxed in her chair, her shoulder resting against Regina's. Regina was trying to concentrate on the movie but she felt like a high schooler. Emma's shoulder was touching her... _Emma's shoulder was touching her_! Should she put her arm around her? Should she put her hand on her knee? Should she maybe just place her arm on the armrest and hope Emma took her hand? Does she _know_ that their shoulders are touching? Does she realize that she's touching Regina?

She almost had a heart attack when Emma reached over and put her hand on Regina's forearm. She glanced over and they shared a smile. It had been a bit of a struggle keeping Bonnie in her seat. They had passed her back and forth but it seemed like the thing the girl wanted was to be up close and directly in front of the screen. She kept trying to squirm away and head for the stairs. The effort must have tuckered her out though because Regina saw that she was now fast asleep on Emma's chest, drooling ever so slightly.

Emma chuckled a little, pulling her hand away and then paused. Regina watched, seeing her make the decision and then as if testing the water slid her palm into Regina's.

Regina looked up at her, the tension in Emma's fingers was apparent and this made Regina appreciate the effort all the more. She gave her a small, meaningful smile and, though she wanted to clamp on and squeeze for dear life, she only softly closed her fingers around Emma's and turned back to the movie.

Looking over, she saw that Henry was sitting beside her with a sly smile on his face.


	49. Chapter 49

**Regina**

* * *

She didn't think she could have asked for better. The first date, ugh, it had been terrible but yesterday had been perfect. They had laughed. Their children had laughed. Emma had held her hand. She felt like a giddy school girl in love.

This time, she knew that she had a _right_ to be hopeful which was almost baffling. If things kept going as yesterday had (knock on wood) then she even had reason to be optimistic. So...now what? She supposed they continued on - dating and then...they would see.

That thought was both exhilarating and annoying. This was beyond anything she could have hoped for, but now that she was almost there she wanted so much more.

She sighed into the early morning air. She supposed that was how it always went.

But...she felt good this morning, how strange was that? When was the last time she felt _good_? The inn's window was open, letting in a cool breeze that hinted at the coming of Samhain. She was the first one awake and she was enjoying a moment of peaceful early morning meditation.

Samhain. God, how had the year come and gone so quickly? Perhaps she should see if Emma would want to celebrate Yule as a family. They hadn't talked about it at all, but maybe they could go to Virginia and Ivy's. Maybe they could cast their own circle in the woods of Storybrooke and invite Virginia and Ivy there. That was something they had _never_ done.

Either way, they should celebrate.

What was she going to do for Samhain?

She could already feel the spice in her blood thanks to the coming day. Would she celebrate? What was Emma going to do? She supposed she would take Bonnie and Ollie trick or treating. Would she let Regina join?

They had spent so many years hiding from Samhain because that was when the veil was the thinnest and it had always been hardest for Regina to keep herself locked away. It had become a distraction game which had originally been fun but had eventually become a hassle. It had always embarrassed Regina how hard the day had been for her next to Emma who had never cared and was never affected by it. But this year they could celebrate as a family, dance and...well, she knew Henry would want to celebrate Halloween with his friends, but there was no reason that everyone else couldn't bring the year to an end together...if Emma wanted to. Plus, if Craft was going to be in their lives now then Ollie - and perhaps even Bonnie - should begin to learn the traditions.

But - was she getting ahead of herself?

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath pushing the thoughts away. She loved the scent of fall in the air. She could smell the changing leaves, the damp grass and in the distance the sweet scent of the Honeycrisp apple tree that she loved so much.

Bonnie stirred a little against her chest and reflexively Regina's hand went to her back, rubbing soothing circles as she had done since the moment she discovered she was growing in her belly. This was why she was up so early. Bonnie had been clingy since the movie the previous day. She wasn't exactly sure why, but she would take the extra cuddles even if it meant that the only way the girl would sleep was in Regina's arms. Strangely enough Ollie, who was usually content to share a bed with his brother, had also climbed in somewhere around dawn, making the bed far too small.

She yawned and rubbed his back too, chuckling silently at his position. He was asleep, his face planted firmly in the pillow, his legs sprawled. If she hadn't seen Emma sleep that way for so long then she would have been worried he might suffocate. She couldn't help but to notice that he covered half the bed. My god, they were growing so fast. She used to cuddle Henry the way that she now cuddled Ollie. Soon it would be only Bonnie who wanted to be cuddled and then none of them would be small enough. It was a horrible thought but it was also true.

Caressing Bonnie's cheek, she studied the little girl's face. She was going to look like Emma, it was already easy to see. Ollie had gotten so much more of Regina's looks, the same hair color and eye color; he even had her full lips though he had gotten Emma's nose and double dimples. Bonnie however already had a thick bush of curly blonde ringlets and light green eyes. She had inherited Regina's single-sided dimple and her chin, but the girl was her other mother incarnate. Sometimes it was hard to guess which one of the two would be more beautiful. Somehow it was as though they had both gotten all of their best features and none of the bad.

Bonnie squeezed her eyes shut tighter in her sleep and let out a big sigh. Regina kissed her forehead, feeling that usual wave of slave-like love.

Bonnie was beginning to develop into her own person. She had been very late to develop, it was true, but that hadn't concerned them, not in the way that you would think anyway. Late development, especially verbal, was a sign of Craft bearing children. It had happened with Ollie too. They had panicked when he was barely walking at fifteen months, words like Autistic and developmentally challenged had hung unspoken between them. They knew they would love him no matter what but they worried. Then one day he had lost his ball while playing and had simply gotten to his feet and run after it. He hadn't begun to speak until he was just past two and when he did he skipped the simple words and went right on to basic sentences, right on track with the other children his age.

Clearly Bonnie would do the same.

Regina yawned again, distracted out of her thoughts and checked the time. It was still early.

They didn't have anything planned for the day, but she was itching to spend it outdoors. Perhaps a picnic.

Should she call Emma and ask her to join them?

She decided not to, remembering to keep things slow and even. Instead, she and the kids had a nice leisurely breakfast around the room, watching cartoons and cuddling some more. She was a little concerned that Bonnie was so sleepy and Ollie was so grumpy but still it was nice to simply enjoy the time. Her concern picked up a bit more when Ollie picked a fight with his brother which escalated to the younger boy socking Henry as hard as he could. Just like any brothers the boys did fight, but it was rare that Ollie started it and it was even rarer that Ollie threw the first hit. It was almost like...

"Ollie, come here." The pouting boy sat on the edge of the bed and frowned, his arms stubbornly crossed as he waited for his punishment. "Are you feeling okay, sweetie?"

Ollie's bottom lip just jutted out further.

She frowned and felt his head. She couldn't tell if her suspicions were correct or if she was just being a mom and seeing phantoms.

She felt Bonnie's head and was alarmed to feel it _was_ slightly warm. Instantly she was kicking herself. _Of course!_ Bonnie never slept like this when she was well and someone always got sick a few weeks into the new school year. She felt Ollie again, unsure and then felt Henry. Her oldest seemed fine, but she just wasn't sure about Ollie and she was sure about Bonnie.

Oh no.

"Come on guys, let's get you packed up and head home."

"But I thought we were going to the park!" Ollie stormed, his little fists clenched.

She bent down to his level and brushed his hair behind his ear, "Sweetie, I think you have a temperature."

"Noooo!" Henry groaned, flopping down into the bed, "Now we're _all_ gonna get sick. Great freaking work, jerk."

"Henry!"

"SHUT UP HENRY!" Ollie screamed and ran over and kicked him, hard.

" _Ollie!_ "

It took Regina a little while to break up the impending fight after that and it only really ended when Henry was sent to take a shower and Ollie was sobbing in a Time-Out.

Regina was beginning to sense a meltdown coming on.

Bonnie was finally awake but she couldn't get the girl to eat anything. She kept touching her throat and disjointedly insisting 'ahhhhhhh'.

"Okay, I know sweetie." She got her dressed and then plopped her on the bed.

Instantly Bonnie was scrambling to her feet and screaming, arms outstretching to be picked back up.

"Hold on, sweetie. Can you sit still for me for a minute like a big girl?"

Bonnie shook her head, fat tears falling down her face.

"Sure you can." She tried to kiss her forehead, but Bonnie just clung to her.

Untangling herself she moved over to Ollie, "Sweet pea, are you ready to come out of Time-Out?"

"YEEEES!" He wailed.

"Do you know why you were put in Time-Out?"

"I kicked Henry! I'm soooooorry!"

"When he gets out of the shower you need to tell him that, okay?"

He nodded and Regina picked him up, giving him a hug. He wrapped himself around her, still sniffling.

Bonnie began to scream again, rubbing her eyes.

"Okay, I love you." Regina gave Ollie a kiss and set him down to pick Bonnie back up.

Ollie began to scream, holding onto his mother's leg and wailing, "MOMMY, I WAAANNNT CUUUUUDDDDLLLLESSS!"

Both absolutely refused to calm down.

It took a while to maneuver, but eventually she was struggling under the weight of both of the screaming and crying children.

"Henry, come here please."

He did and tried to pull Bonnie out of her arms. The girl screamed like someone was trying to kill her.

"No, sweetie, thank you. Can you grab the bags and come over here?"

Henry loaded himself up and, rather than try to get everyone into the car, Regina held onto the younger kids and pulled Henry into a cloud of purple.

"Okay, we made it." She put Ollie back down so she could unlock the front door, feeling more than a little strained. She wanted to be able to oblige both of the children, they were clearly getting sick, but Ollie was almost fifty pounds and Bonnie was just over twenty; she wasn't sure her back could handle it.

"You guys are early!" Emma called when the whole troop stomped in, Henry grumbling and Ollie sniffling and pulling on Regina, wanting to be back in her arms.

God, the last time that Regina had heard those words from Emma they had sounded very different, hadn't they? They had been accusing and slightly bitter, now they were simply fact - perhaps even a little bit pleased. Regina would have happily laughed when she heard Emma's tone if she hadn't finally rounded Ollie back into her arms, which started a fight between the toddler and the boy as Bonnie tried to grumpily push Ollie back out of her arms. "Whoa. What's going on?" Emma asked, hearing the screaming fight between the children in Regina's arms.

"They don't feel well. Ollie, if you hit your sister again you're going to be put back in Time-Out."

"BUT I WANT MY TURN! SHE ALWAYS GETS CUDDLES!"

Bonnie retorted with a high, ear-splitting scream of her own and slapped Ollie hard in the face.

"Bonnie! No! That is _not_ okay!" She held tight to the girl's hand, seeing she meant to do it again.

"I'm outta here." Henry grumbled and vaulted up the stairs.

"Emma, help me please!"

Emma sprinted in, pulling Bonnie out of Regina's teetering arms. The little girl screamed bloody murder for a minute before she settled into Emma. Ollie, who was still screaming, instantly spidered his arms and legs around Regina who stroked his back and habitually bounced.

"Hi. Sorry."

Emma shrugged and gave her half a smile, "What's up?"

"I think Bonnie has a fever and from the way this one is acting I think he's getting sick too."

"Oh no." What Henry had said was true, once one got sick the whole house would get sick and it would take a long time to get rid of because every time that the first person to get it began to get better the last person to get it would give it right back to them. Illness was a dreaded thing in a family as large as theirs.

"I don't think it's anything serious yet. I'm not even sure, I don't know."

Emma felt Bonnie's forehead and frowned, "I guess we'll see. Come on."

She followed Emma around the corner and stopped just inside the doorway, as though she was suddenly intruding.

Emma was sitting back down on the couch beside Kathryn who was looking up at Regina as though she had just rudely interrupted them. Regina hadn't realized that Emma was in her workout clothes.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Kathryn glared and Regina felt her feathers ruffle. What was her problem? She placed Ollie down in his favorite nook of the couch and then headed to the bathroom for the thermometer and the Safety 1st. "Well if he has a fever then it's so small that I can't be sure of it but I'm fairly sure about Bonnie." She scowled, she had just come back into the living room with the thermometer to find Emma and Kathryn in an obvious whispered debate. "Is everything alright?"

Something was really rubbing her the wrong way.

Emma passed Kathryn a glance and then smiled, "Yeah. I was just telling Kathryn that I think I'll have to pass on running today. Oh _no_ , Regina, _no! Hell no!_ "

Emma had just seen the Safety 1st pacifier. They had only broken Bonnie of her binky habit a few weeks after her first birthday, and it had not been pretty.

"It's all we have, Emma. We never picked up the other kind for her."

"We're going to have to start all over again!"

"Well, would you like to run to the drug store and get one that goes in her ear?"

Emma frowned, looking at the binky like it was going to come alive and bite her.

Not really pleased about it herself she placed the binky in Bonnie's mouth who took it like a starving man takes food; her eyes instantly drooping.

Both mothers frowned.

"I'm sorry," Regina realized, "you were saying something a minute ago."

"Err," Emma blinked, looking up from the rising numbers on Bonnie's binky, "I was just telling Kat that I need to skip running today."

Kathryn pointedly cleared her throat.

"Oh, you don't have to do that, Em." The strings of Regina's vibes were still vibrating. Had that made them fight? Why _would_ they be fighting? "I was worried about Bonnie and wanted to get her to her own bed. I can stay here until you return. It's my fault that I'm early."

"Yeah Em," Kathryn said in a tight voice making Regina's head whip up, "It's _her_ fault. Let's go."

Regina frowned, sticking the thermometer under Ollie's tongue.

Okay, that look that Emma just gave Kathryn was definitely a 'shut up' look.

"Are you two sure everything is okay?"

"Can you maybe mind your own business, please?"

Regina's eyebrows shot high at the suddenly sharp words.

"Kat!" Emma hissed.

Regina's eyebrows rose all the more as Emma and Kathryn glared a silent debate between them.

Kathryn's eyes finally rolled and she looked away.

Whatever the fight was, Kathryn had just lost.

The silence grew and Regina wasn't exactly sure what to do about it. She took a seat beside Emma without thinking and put the thermometer she had just rubbed down with alcohol under Emma's tongue.

The problem was that the sight of Kathryn still set Regina's nerves on edge, so this new hostility rolling off of her was difficult to tolerate. But she needed to be on good behavior so, "Emma, why don't you two go? I can take her." Ollie had already given into the allure of the couch and was nose deep in his book. His temperature had been a little high, but not quite as high as Bonnie's. Emma's had been completely normal.

"Yes, _Emma_. She's giving her permission," and there was such malevolence there that Regina couldn't help it.

Her head snapped around, provoked, "You know for someone who insists that my previous assumptions were incorrect you sure _sound_ like a jealous girlfriend!"

Kathryn looked as though she had hoped Regina would rise to the occasion. She snorted and bit back, "No, it's just that after my first marriage I don't have a lot of forgiveness or patience for jealous cheating whores! Especially when they're trying to snake back their previous victim."

"Whoa!" Emma cried, "Hold up!"

Regina jumped to her feet, incensed. Emma could say those things about her, she had earned the right. Mal could say those things about her because she might _be_ right. But there was no way she was going to let this random third party woman speak to her that way. Who the _hell_ did she think she was?

"WHOA!" Emma yelled, stepping between them. "Regina! Put it away. Put it _away_!"

Confused Regina looked down and saw with a start that she had produced a threatening ball of witchfire.

Kathryn had also gotten to her feet and though she was trying to pretend it hadn't intimidated her, Regina could see her angry face had gone a little pale.

Regina closed her hand, extinguishing the flame and squared her shoulders. She was embarrassed but there was no way she would show it. "You don't know anything about me, Kathryn."

"But I do! I was married to someone just like you."

" _Kathryn_!" Emma hissed. "Stoooop!"

Regina cleared her throat gathering Bonnie out of Emma's arms, "I'll see you after your run, Emma. Ollie, sweetie, I'll be upstairs." She left the room, going immediately to Bonnie's nursery.

She rocked in the chair in the corner and stewed the entire time that Emma was gone.

What the hell had that been about?

Clearly Emma had told Kathryn about the date. What was Regina supposed to interpret from her reaction?

"She doesn't think you deserve a second chance."

Regina started. She had been so lost in her own head that she hadn't heard Emma come home. "Yes. That much was clear." She rose, tension making her whole body stiff. Bonnie was playing sluggishly on the floor. Regina didn't like it. She had given her some baby Tylenol but so far it wasn't doing much. The Safety 1st was still showing she had a fever.

"I think she also is waiting for an apology about The Rabbit Hole. She said she couldn't use her voice the next day at all and she had a sore throat for two weeks after that."

Regina scoffed, "She'll get an apology, alright."

"Regina."

She took a deep breath and ran her hands over her face, "You're right. I'm sorry, that wasn't helpful."

They fell quiet for a few minutes, watching Bonnie play before Regina grimaced, "I suppose I better go. I've been wanting to be outside all day so I think I'll take a walk."

"The sabbat."

"Mmm."

They shared a knowing smile and then Regina disappeared.

* * *

The call came three days later. Regina had just arrived at work when her cell phone rang with Emma's number.

That was unusual, Emma rarely called and when she did it was _never_ this early in the day. Even with their new-found stable ground, Regina was surprised.

"Emma? Are you alright?"

A loud honking on the other end made her jerk the phone from her ear, surprised.

"Emma?"

"Regina?" Emma sounded awful. "Hi, sorry to bother you."

"No, it's no bother. What's wrong? Are you all sick?"

"Like, really sick."

"Well, that much I can gather! What is it? Is it whatever Bonnie was coming down with?"

"Think so. Some kind of mutant devil cold. I don't know, we might be dying."

Regina had to bite back a laugh, Emma had never been a good sick person, always lying around and moaning. Henry had picked that up from her. She could only imagine what it was like over there right now. There were probably four children lying around the house and crying right now, confused as to how no one was there to bring them popsicles and soup.

"Can you please come and take one - or more of the kids? I just - I can't-"

Regina bit her lip, "Oh course, Em."

"I know you're probably at work…"

"It's alright. I'll be there soon."

Regina got off the phone, pleased. They really had come a long way in a very abrupt amount of time. This had always secretly been her favorite. It wasn't that she wanted them to be sick, not at all, but she loved the chance to take care of them, cuddling and fawning over them. She hadn't had it in so long and she welcomed it now.

Regina slipped in through the front door as quietly as possible a few minutes later, hoping not to wake anyone if they were asleep. Her heels clicked once on the marble flooring of the foyer and she froze. If Bonnie wasn't feeling good and anything woke her up she would be a fighting, screaming terror to put back down.

A snore from the living room faltered for a second but then picked back up again. Chewing her cheek she carefully reached down and slipped out of her shoes, leaving them, as she occasionally used to, under the side table and tiptoed on stockinged feet to the living room.

No more than ten minutes could have passed between Emma's phone call and Regina arriving, still she found Emma unconscious on the couch, her face red and swollen; Bonnie asleep on her stomach and she had to assume the tiny blanket covered ball on her shins was Ollie.

The sight sent such a wave of cute pleasure through her that she pulled out her phone and silently snapped a picture. How the hell could Emma sleep with two children on her? Regina just couldn't do it. They had shared the bed the first few months of both Ollie and Bonnie's life, letting the infant sleep between them. Every night it turned out the same way, the baby would fuss, Regina would feed it and then Emma would burp it on her chest which inevitably turned into the baby sleeping there for the rest of the night.

It always blew Regina away.

She could hear Emma's ragged breathing in her chest, catching and hacking. She wondered how many days she had insisted on taking care of the kids despite the fact that she was also sick. It always meant that in the end she was so much worse! She wished she would have called her sooner.

She set down her bags filled with medicine, soup, tissues and enough Emergen-C to keep a kindergarten teacher healthy. She had absolutely no intention of packing up any of her sick children and taking them back to the inn. Hopefully, Emma didn't mind a houseguest for the day.

Curious, she went searching for the missing party.

Henry was sprawled across his bed, snoring loudly and coughing in his sleep.

She sighed, reaching downstairs for the Vicks and the little jar appeared in her palm. She had done this so many times over the years but it never lost its loving significance. She carefully pulled Henry's socks down, alarmed at the pubescent stink they gave off and began to rub the goo into his feet. She pulled the socks back on, trying not to make a face at her now stinky hands and nudged him until he rolled over. "Mom? What are you doing here?"

"It would appear that all of you have caught the plague. Shh, don't wake anyone up. Here, put some of this on your chest."

He did, hacking and spitting as he worked and was asleep again before she could take the jar back. Affectionately she rolled her eyes and covered him with a blanket. Next stop was the bathroom to wash her hands. He was a clean boy - how did he manage a smell like that? Honestly, the whole room smelled like teenage boy. Emma had always been so much more lenient about their rooms than she was. She would have to change that when - wait, she stopped herself before she could finish the thought.

Don't jinx it and don't start making plans.

God, what was _wrong_ with her? She was usually far more cautious and reserved. Why did she keep thinking like that? Well. That answer was obvious. She just...needed to stop it. Now.

Downstairs she studied the sleeping bodies again, wondering how best to separate the human pretzel without waking them all.

Bonnie took a deep, sleepy breath and hacked, shaking her whole little body and Emma's hand came up to her butt, securing her even in her sleep.

Regina's lips curled up in the corners and without thinking about it, she sat on the arm of the couch beside Emma's head.

She really had gotten lucky, hadn't she? Not only was Emma beautiful, even here with an obviously runny nose and sick-swollen eyes, but she was funny, warm, kind and so maternal that even in her sleep she sought to comfort their children. It just made her all the angrier when she thought about the past months. She could still remember that disconnect, that feeling of 'oh well' but now, on the other side of it, she couldn't believe it.

If she pushed Mal's words far enough away so that they couldn't touch her then it was like looking at someone else's life, someone else's poor decisions. That's what she had to do always these days. She couldn't wonder if Mal was right. If she did then she lost all hope and headed for the nearest bar. She didn't want to be the person that Mal saw her as, not at all. She wanted to be what Emma deserved, the very best version of herself.

The last time she was here, Emma had made that comment about Kathryn thinking she did not deserve a second chance. Did that mean Emma did? Did that mean she had decided officially to give it to her? She remembered Emma mentioning going to see Virginia and Ivy after their terrible date - what had they said to her? Whatever it was, she was grateful.

She hadn't realized that she was softly caressing Emma's forehead as she thought until a small voice said, "Regina?"

"Hey. How are you feeling?" Her hand fell away, embarrassed but Emma didn't seem to notice.

Emma's answer was a thick, disgusting coughing fit.

"I'm sorry that you are all so sick." Emma tried to sit up but Regina pushed her back down. "Stay there."

"But-" Emma frowned, looking like a lost puppy.

Regina shushed her and stood. Bonnie was out cold so it was easy to lift her. She placed her on her back on the opposite couch and pulled the Vicks out of her pocket.

Emma let out a low whine. She had always _hated_ Vicks. She knew it worked, but she hated the smell, complaining that you couldn't get it off your hands for days. It was always a struggle to get Emma to leave it on like a kid who liked to pick at Band-Aids.

"You're as bad as the children." Regina teased with a roll of her eyes.

She could feel Emma's eyes on her as she rubbed the girl's little feet, chest, and belly with the ointment and then placed her in her playpen. She gave a little cough but slept on.

Next Regina lifted Ollie and set him on the couch, giving him the same treatment then brushed his hair away from his sweaty forehead and wrapped him in a blanket. She was a firm believer in sweating a fever out.

Emma stretched and then curled into a ball, coughing roughly into her pillow. "Aren't you going to take them?"

Regina shrugged, "Perhaps when they all wake-up. Let them sleep."

When he was tucked in she turned on Emma, already expecting the look of childlike defiance that was there. "Give me your feet."

Emma's feet sank beneath her as she frowned, "I don't-"

Regina's hands went to her hip, and her eyebrow popped. She was doing her best not to show just how much she was enjoying this but was failing. "Feet."

Emma's face set and Regina could tell she was trying to find the 'we're separated so fuck off' anger, any excuse to avoid the medicine, but she petered in the wake of a snotty sneeze that went everywhere.

" _Emma_."

She was just beginning to wonder if perhaps she _didn't_ have the right to push her anymore despite the one good date when Emma's feet came sheepishly out from under her.

"Thank you." She peeled her socks off and carefully started to rub the ointment into her skin. Immediately Emma began to purr.

"That feels nice."

"Close your eyes then. There is no reason not to sleep."

Emma mumbled something incoherent and then her face nestled into the pillow.

Regina took a little longer than she normally would have to rub it in, enjoying the contact; something so normal in her old life.

She didn't stop rubbing until Emma was snoring lightly again. She pushed the socks back on and then hesitated. Way back when before the separation she would have simply climbed over Emma and rubbed the medicine into her chest too, effectively cutting off Emma's complaints and getting the job done. She would have made it a slightly sexy game, rubbing herself along Emma's hips and distracting her as much as possible.

Now she hesitated.

Should she just rub it in anyway?

It wasn't sexual.

She didn't need to do the whole song and dance.

But would it be overstepping?

Her hands were already covered with the muck...and she would have to wake Emma to do it herself. Haltingly she stepped to Emma's side and kneeled. She didn't know. This was another one of those moments that were strange because of their strangeness.

She scooped out a healthy glob and deciding to just do it, to treat it as though it were no big deal. Because it wasn't, right? She was just doing Emma a favor. This way Emma wouldn't have to touch the gel herself. Palm up, she slipped her hand under Emma's shirt reaching for her chest, ready to make quick work of the job.

Her knuckles accidentally grazed a soft, bare nipple.

She froze, eyes wide.

In her sleep, Emma let out a soft whimper which turned into a small cough.

Regina stood fast and let the blush fade from her cheeks.

Of course Emma wasn't wearing a bra...she was sick at home on the couch. Regina shook her head, trying to rattle that little sound out of her mind, pacing the length of the living room twice in quick succession. It wasn't right for that sound to have gone straight to her lower belly. Shake it off, Regina. Stop picturing...it just caught you off guard.

Shake. It. Off.

Alright. From the top. She sat on the arm of the couch where she had been before and began rubbing the ointment into her chest.

Emma moaned and sighed, comforted.

Regina smiled.

Emma's eyes fluttered open and she frowned, "Nooooo!"

"Shh."

"Ugh, but it stinks!" Emma whined. "It hurts my nose!"

"The fact that you can smell it at all tells me it's already working."

"I don't have to smell it to know it burns my nose," Emma mumbled.

Regina didn't need to retort; Emma's cough did it for her.

"I was thinking that perhaps I should get some work done in my old office."

"You're gonna stay here?" Emma's eyes popped wide and Regina's back stiffened. Was that pleasure or unhappiness? Was it too much?

"If you don't mind." Regina felt herself flushing again as she finished her task, pulling her hand out of the front of Emma's shirt, trying to ignore the tiny buds pressed against the cloth. Perhaps - god, it was almost too much to think about but - perhaps Emma missed her physically as much as Regina did?

Samhain. Blame the approaching Samhain.

Emma shifted, a moment of tension passing between them and nodded.

"I'll be in the office," Regina assured. "Go back to sleep."

"Um. Okay. Thanks for coming."

Regina nodded once and walked purposefully out of the room.

Ollie woke first and crawled into her lap. She did a little more work cuddling him until she heard Bonnie stirring as well.

She made the whole family lunch, making their favorite soups and a small amount of bread appear in their bowls and then she put on a movie.

Ollie was like a baby sloth, clinging to her and sucking his thumb; something they rarely allowed him to do. Apparently all of her children were going to revert to their comfort things today.

Eventually Henry stomped downstairs, groaning like a zombie. Regina sent him right back up with an order to take every dirty piece of laundry out of his room and to take a shower, then he could come down.

"He smell bad?" Emma sniffed. "My nose is clogged."

"I'm not sure how he does it. You make him shower every day right?"

"I don't need to make him anymore. Since he got Penny he's pretty into hygiene. Did I tell you that I caught him shaving the other day?"

"What? He doesn't have any facial hair yet!"

Emma tried to laugh, but instead coughed until she was purple, "That's what I told him. He cut up his face pretty badly too. I guess telling him how I shave my legs didn't give him a lot of insight into shaving his face."

Regina laughed, her head falling to the back of the couch, "I suppose we will need to find someone to show him soon."

"David?" It was true Mary-Margaret's husband was the closest male figure to him.

"Mmm, maybe."

Henry joined them not long after that and Regina couldn't help but to notice that while he had decided years ago he was too grown to be cuddled anymore - he was leaning in awfully close. Under the guise of a hug, she pulled him in and happened to forget to let go until he was relaxed against her chest, watching the movie.

Regina was full to the brim and ready to burst. This was heaven. She only wished that instead of being on the second couch with Ollie and Henry she was on the main couch with all of them.

She looked up and caught Emma looking at her. There was such a quizzical, baffled look on her face that for a moment all the self-loathing and depression came floating back. She could see Emma's struggle. She wished that it could be just a little bit easier on her. She knew what the twins would say. They would point out that those feelings weren't helpful and she needed to _forgive herself_. But Emma was clearly debating with herself about what she wanted and Regina hated that.

Then Henry asked if Regina would rub his ear and the darkness left her again. She had been doing this since he was a small boy; every time he was hurt, every time he was sick. She softly massaged his ear, sneaking another glance at Emma. This time Emma caught her eyes, a small smile on her lips. Regina's heart began to pick up pace and after a minute, she had to drop it else ignite.

She took a deep breath. Maybe...maybe they would be okay.

* * *

Regina left that night when everyone was in bed, feeling as though she was cutting herself away from that life again. It was hugely relieving to come back the following morning, and the next.

Henry and Emma's birthday had passed in a snotty, nap heavy daze, but Regina had been happy just to be there.

She was pleased that the family was getting better but the selfish part of her wished they wouldn't. It felt wonderful to be in her own home with her family again.

Finally, she couldn't make any more excuses about why she needed to be there and she remained at the inn, mournful.

Her depression only lasted a day, however.

She didn't know what it meant for them - what it meant for Emma and her constant inner battle but Regina had sat down hard, holding the phone to her chest and fighting back tears when she got the text: "It's my turn to plan the next date."


	50. Chapter 50

**Emma**

* * *

Virginia and Ivy deserved a freaking fruit basket of some kind or maybe a singing telegram. No wonder Regina had gone to see them so much! They were like Gandalf and Dumbledore all wrapped up together and in the shape of two batty old ladies. Emma didn't know why she had immediately gone to them after her disastrous dinner date. She had watched Regina walk back out the front door, her embarrassment palpable - and she had just kind of - gone.

Thank god, she had.

Virginia and Ivy were, and apparently have been, the pillars that were holding her marriage up through this whole thing. They had taught her to use her Craft again, which she could now do; she only felt ill at this point when she really pushed herself. They had helped Regina through detox. They wouldn't tell her much about it, but she got the idea that it had been long and hard. They had healed Regina from the inside out, making Regina in so many ways much more stable than Emma felt.

And now, they were working on her.

She had sat down with the cup of tea they offered, the poor date weighing heavily on her shoulders and had told them she didn't know exactly why she was there. "I guess...tonight went...well, like total shit. It was bad. And it's my freaking fault. How am I supposed to _date_ my _wife_ when I don't know what I want?"

No. She knew what she wanted. She just also felt like it wasn't right for her to want it. That's why her head felt _this_ fucked up. Because _how_ could she still want any part of someone like Regina? All of Kathryn's points were valid, the odds were that Regina would do it again, get lost in Craft or cheat, and then Emma would have no one to blame, but herself because she had stuck around. She was also sure that Kathryn was probably right when she said that you always _thought_ you could live through it a second time; insisting you would wait it out and if they didn't do it again, then perfect and if they did then you would deal with it and then walk away. The only thing was that wasn't true, you couldn't live through it again, that second time tore you apart worse than the first.

It felt - anti-feminist - or doormat-like to still want Regina.

Regina had 'done her wrong'. Regina had openly cheated on her for weeks, maybe longer. She hadn't even really tried to hide it. She needed to kick Regina to the curb and move on for her own sake as well as her children's. At least, that was what Kathryn kept saying…

And it wasn't that she didn't agree because a lot of her did.

The problem was there was a strange dichotomy forming in her mind when she thought of her wife. The Regina in black leather with violent purple eyes and the Regina sitting on the couch stroking their sick son's ear didn't seem to be the same woman.

The twins had only pointed that out to her when she arrived. As a matter of fact they had pointed out many things and over their cups of tea, Emma began to understand.

She was sure she had spent the date pushing Regina away, insisting she needed to continue being mad at her for whatever reason.

It had taken a very small amount of time for her to regret that.

She was still trying to figure out how to make that better, how to give it an _honest_ attempt when Regina had come over and asked for the second date.

It had been so much fun.

Easier. Even simple.

When she had touched Regina's arm she had made a choice to just see how it would feel. She, for just a little while anyway, let go of her mind and let her heart take charge.

They had held hands the rest of the movie.

Then everyone had gotten sick and Emma was grateful. When she had called Regina it was because she had run herself into the ground and she needed help. She hadn't anticipated Regina simply staying. But it let Emma try it back on, see what having Regina around would feel like.

She had expected flashes of bad memories constantly and a nasty, gnarled knot in her stomach at all times. Some of that had happened. Emma hadn't known what to feel when her body had begun to react as Regina rubbed the medicine into her chest. She had felt herself stirring and had remembered the time that Regina had bent her over their bed with her imbued strap on. But for the most part… it felt good to have Regina back. Normal. The way it was supposed to be.

So Emma decided.

She wasn't ready to be Regina's _wife_ again, she wasn't even sure she was ready to forgive her, but if she was going to try this dating thing for a few weeks then she needed to really try it because some type of decision had to be made.

She had been plotting for a few days, hoping that she and the kids would be better in time for her and Henry's shared birthday, but she had been unlucky in that regard and had done very little of anything, everyone at the height of their colds. Instead, they had thrown Henry a small birthday party a few days late and then as the teenage guests had grown occupied Regina had produced a small chocolate cupcake for her. Neither had really known what to do with the kindness so they had let it slide by in polite awkwardness. Then a few days later there was a dinner at Virginia and Ivy's. This meant that by the time she had gotten around to finalizing her plans, she was less sure of them. Samhain was all but here. Emma thought that perhaps her original idea would still work.

Only…

It _terrified_ her. She had been nervous when they were still a bit away from the sabbat but now that it was so close...

She wasn't sure she could do it.

Were they ready for that?

She was taking so much more of a leap by doing this than anything else.

Was she strong enough to subdue her if she lost control?

Would it be too much and they would repel one another, or would it be too much and they would simply end up naked on the forest floor?

That made Emma think long and hard because her essence _and_ her vagina had given a mighty twitch at that thought. It brought on so many other thoughts. Those kisses when Regina had been drunk, they had been hot...wanted...ugh so….so...well, she had never said that Regina was unappealing. But did she want more?

She thought again of Regina rubbing her chest with tender care.

Yes.

She remembered Regina's deep and sultry voice saying, ' _Yes, my little pillow queen-_ '

No.

Then she remembered Regina sitting beside her on the couch despite Kathryn's presence, sliding the thermometer under her tongue with such a natural and unconscious possession as though she were simply taking care of what was hers.

 _Yes_.

But.

Was she _ready_ for more?

That answer was harder to grasp.

Would dating include sex? Should dating include sex? It had included sex when they had done it the first time but... did she _want_ dating to include sex this time?

When she had asked Ivy about this, she had been given a knowing smirk and was told that she would 'have to let her know' when Emma figured that one out.

So she decided to leave that alone for now and focus on the date.

But the most important thing was - could Regina handle it?

She had turned to Virginia about this, unsure.

"I think what it comes down to, Emma, is how much you trust her." Emma scoffed and Virginia reworded herself, "Alright, how much you're willing to give her that trust before you actually feel it. Can she handle it? Yes, I think so. She is - afraid - but can she physically handle it? Yes, I think so. She's stronger than she thinks. What I'm not sure of, Emma is if you can handle it."

She hadn't liked that answer.

"What do you mean?"

Virginia thought about her wording for a long time. "Her eyes going purple, what does that mean to you?"

"She's out of control," She answered so quickly that she knew she had messed up before she even finished.

"But that's not _true_ , Emma. Do you really not know the difference between being out of control and being filled, charged and powerful? That is who she is! Can you really not accept that?"

Emma had left that evening unsure but willing.

She wouldn't tell Regina what they were doing. She had only told her to dress for the outdoors and light hiking.

This time, it was Emma's turn to pick Regina up.

It felt so much like when they were dating all of those years ago that they stood at the door to her room a little awkwardly for a minute, both wondering how the evening would go before they set off.

"So you really won't tell me?" Regina tried once they were in the car and heading down a small forest lane.

"Nope."

"Is there a reason?"

Emma's stomach fluttered, but she decided to try at her usual light-hearted teasing, "Because it's probably driving you crazy."

Regina stared at her for a moment and then a smile rolled across her disbelieving face and she laughed.

Now Emma was trying her best to swallow her fear. She didn't know that she trusted Regina with her Craft, not really. But she knew that if this could be pulled off then Regina would love it - hopefully.

"This is where we're going?" Regina looked around the random spot that Emma had pulled off and frowned. "My, my, you sure know how to romance a lady."

"Shut up." Emma scoffed and got out.

From the trunk, she pulled two backpacks. "Put this on."

Regina's eyebrow popped, but she did what she was told.

"Come on."

They started into the trees of the forest that surrounded Storybrooke in silence and within a few minutes, Emma's stomach was beginning to boil. She couldn't think of anything to say and the air was beginning to grow awkward. Shit.

But the more that she tried to think of something to say the more that she found absolutely nothing. She didn't want to talk about the kids because she wanted this to be about them as individuals, not a parenting team. What could she say? Fuck.

Regina saved her after a long while by clearing her throat and saying, "So did Kathryn tell you that she and I spoke?"

Emma stopped walking, completely sidetracked out of her stressful thoughts, "No! She didn't. Is uh, is she still alive?"

"Very funny." Regina groaned, walking past her.

"What happened?"

"I apologized."

"For The Rabbit Hole?"

"Yes. And my rude words the other day."

"Wow."

"She was not exactly receptive."

Emma laughed, "I bet she wasn't."

"I never knew how much she is still affected by what happened between herself, Mary-Margaret and David."

"Yeah well, she did lose her husband over it."

"And yet Mary thinks you are all friends."

Emma scoffed, "They both might be my friend - and Mary might be Kathryn's friend, but there is no way in hell that Kathryn is M.M's friend."

"I see."

That topic slowly turned into another and then another and Emma found that for the most part she was comfortable.

She hadn't exactly planned a specific spot for them, but when they stepped into a clearing after about thirty minutes of walking Emma stopped and looked around. They didn't need a large space,"This works."

"Works?"

Emma grinned, her stomach still in nervous tangles. She paused long enough to wonder yet again if this was a bad idea before she nodded and turned her back to her, "Pull the stuff out."

Hesitantly Regina stepped up to her and unzipped the backpack.

Emma heard her breath catch. "We're casting a circle?"

"Mmm."

"Emma. It's two days to _Samhain_."

"I know."

"Emma…"

"What?"

Regina chewed her lip, "Just you or - both of us?"

"Both of us." Regina's face held so many things that Emma wasn't sure how to interpret it. Had she fucked up? "And, err, you have a picnic in your bag and a few things to make a fire."

"A _fire_?"

"That's what Virginia and Ivy always did. I thought about us going to visit your mom's tomb but...I didn't think you would want to."

"No, I don't think so. Some people don't deserve to be honored, even in death. But Emma…I don't know that you understand this."

"I'm going to try not to take offense to that."

"No, Emma, I mean you have never been to a Samhain circle, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Emma - do you -" Emma watched her change tactics, "are you sure that...you want to see that side of me? After everything. I know what I was like, I know how I can be."

"Is making a circle this close to Samhain going to turn you into the woman who grabbed me by the throat?"

" _Emma_ …" Regina's voice was soft, mortified and for an instant she looked like she might be sick.

"The answer is no, I'm not entirely sure but let's try it anyway."

"Are you sure that you want to...are ready to...connect to me like that? Emma, it's going to feel -"

"No," She told her honestly when Regina's words trailed off, "But I kind of see it as jumping straight into the deep end." Regina's face twitched, but she nodded in understanding.

"I'm not sure-"

Emma had anticipated her response and cut her off, "Don't kill my date idea. Okay?"

Regina sighed, "And what a date it might be."

To her surprise though Regina only argued a bit more before giving in. A few minutes later they had set up the stones and the candles.

"Emma, are you _sure_?" Regina was playing with her wedding ring, watching the configuration as though it would bring her strength.

She shrugged. No. She wasn't sure.

"Have you ever - have you ever cast a circle with someone you're - you've - that you - have you ever cast a circle with someone who you have shared the kind of - physical - connection - relationship - that we have in the past?"

Emma's eyes were wide, trying not to show how nervous Regina's stumbling made her.

"I've never cast one at all."

Regina's mouth popped open, "Emma, I don't - maybe we should just have the picnic-"

"No, celebrating a few days early is better than not celebrating at all." She opened the bag of herbs and stubbornly handed it to Regina.

Regina nodded and, taking a handful of the sweet smelling mix, she walked ten feet away. They scattered the herbs in a circle around them, making sure to cover the others half of the circle too before returning to their original spots.

"Are you ready?"

Regina's face was strained when she said, "Emma, I won't turn into that person; not ever again."

She nodded and watched Regina take a worried breath and close her eyes.

Emma did the same.

For just a second she felt vulnerable, exposed as though anything could happen. It was like closing your eyes when you knew a blow was coming. Then the feeling passed and she settled into the darkness.

She had never been very good at Craft, but she thought that perhaps, now that she was so in control it might be different.

She took a deep breath and felt her body slowly begin to transition, feeling not with her gut or her chest but through her mind, through her Ajna. She pushed but it was as though she was trying to lift a heavy rock. It would rise, only to fall again. She pushed again, frustrated with her struggle. Come on, she had this power. She knew she had so much more than what it would take to make this circle.

Feather light, she felt something familiar brush against her essence. At first she withdrew from it, but after a moment she understood and felt it lifting, helping her gather and push it out from herself. Once in motion she understood, she felt how it should feel and gave into that, gathering and pushing on her own until she felt her mind open and she was able to see.

Her breathing began to pick up. She watched Regina across from her, momentarily distracted as she saw a light sheen of purple enveloping her and then stretching out, arching high and sliding around the circle of herbs. Emma dug deeper, feeling the blissful tingle in her fingers and forehead and she knew without looking that her own white was matching Regina's, covering her side of the space.

Emma felt her head slowly slide back on her shoulders as she began to pant, electricity flowing through her body. This deep within herself she began to notice other things; the sound of the trees whispering to one another, the songs of farewell that the leaves sang to their sisters as they fell from the branches; the hum of the earth, giving off it's rich, warm vibrations.

On either side of the circle white met purple, not blending but instead sitting pressed together and waiting.

The feeling began to change, sliding down Emma's body, heightening sensation and whispering soft stirrings. She could feel Regina, as though she were inches away instead of feet. She could smell her skin, her hair. She could feel her hands hovering just over her skin, her lips just out of sight of her throat.

Emma's teeth caught her bottom lip and sucked in a sharp breath. She could feel Regina's breath hot over her body, she could taste her skin.

Across the circle, hand out to conduct, Regina took a step to the right so Emma took a step to the left. They each met the wall of the opposite essence and stepped through, mixing the colors as they went and turning it into something new.

The feeling intensified making Emma's body begin to shake. She had never...she was out of her body and yet she was so in it, feeling, tasting, sensing. They walked around the circle once until both colors were mixed, creating a light Lilac and then, in their original positions they both took a step inside, walking slowly to meet in the middle.

Eyes closed they reached, their pulsing palms desperate to find the other. They paused for just a moment in the center of the circle, and then Regina's purple and Emma's white met as their fingers closed on the others. Instantly the circle sealed itself. With a crack of static Regina's head fell back as she let out a deep, low moan and Emma cried out. She felt a fire light in her root, growing instantly all-consumingly hot and beating out a steady rhythm in her Ajna and her Sacral. She almost fell to her knees, quaking.

The sensation passed and slowly her eyes opened. Their palms were still interlocked though the glow had vanished. Regina was looking at her, jubilant, her breath fast and hard as she grinned, her eyes a light and lovely purple. Their hands dropped to their sides as Emma stared at her, hungry and wanting. That had been - wow, nothing she expected. And she decided that she didn't care if dating was or was not supposed to contain sex, she just knew she wanted her. She could feel her surrounding and within her, she could smell her all around her and she needed to touch her, she needed to taste her. Her head dropped a little, ready to take her, pull her to her. She saw an answering flare of purple in Regina's irises but Regina pulled her hand out of Emma's, placing it on her chest, "I would rather you were sure that it was _you_ who wanted that instead of your essence."

But Emma's head was clearing since their connection had been broken. She gave her a half smile and blinked. "I didn't realize..." Her blood was still beating hard through her body, stirring and awakening her, but she thought she could handle that. She took a deep breath and felt her heart give a powerful stroke and she realized that it was beating in time with Regina's. It was nice.

Regina nodded and even Emma could see the work it took for her to take a step away.

Emma smirked, wondering if she had known just how intimate that felt before hand, would she still have done it? In many ways, that had been more intimate than sex.

She stretched, feeling almost like herself again. She took a second and looked around their space they had created.

The warm colors of fall had suddenly intensified, the richness of the tree's bark, the brightness of the leaves so strong she could almost taste them. Her mouth fell open as she studied the tree beside them, a million tiny gold flecks of energy moving up and down the trunk like ants, spreading through every branch and deep into the forest floor, spidering across the ground like roots, only to meet the roots of the tree beside it and melt into one. It was breathtaking. It was overwhelming.

She took another deep breath and sighed, tasting the scents around her, of the woman across from her, deep bergamot, rosewood, and just the hint of summer night wind. The taste of Regina's essence had changed and she found that she liked the new flavor. The energy pulsed around them like deep, mulled wine; dark with the sabbat but celebratory and joyful.

She shook her head and redirected her thoughts to the pack. Regina had already spread the blanket and was kicking off her shoes. Emma did the same and instantly felt herself connect with the golden flecks, her own white meeting, and mingling with the gold.

She let out a girlish giggle and then blushed to see Regina watching her with a small smile on her lips.

How had they never done this before?

She flopped down on the blanket and began to pull the food from her bag. A handful of Regina's favorite apples, bread, nuts, cheese, and wine.

Gracefully Regina sat down next to her and even Emma could see the distance was specifically calculated. It made Emma wonder if perhaps Regina was feeling the insatiable pull, the pounding just as she was.

"You've thought of everything." Regina gave her a small smile as she opened the bottle of wine.

Emma chuckled.

They ate until they had their fill then laid back on the blanket feeling the pulse of the forest around them.

"You know," Emma said, watching the little beings that flit through the treetops, "I never really liked Craft, I never really wanted it. But now-"

"You're not sure how you ever lived without it."

"There's just so much that I was missing out on."

"Mmhmm."

"Can you imagine what this is going to be like the first time we bring Ollie? He's going to love it."

Regina laughed and Emma watched her belly jump up and down as she did, wishing she could bury her face there. "He won't love the nudity."

"But we're not skyclad now. He doesn't have to be, does he?"

"No," Regina said slowly, "But if it were truly the sabbat tonight then we would be. Plus, we probably should be anyway. And we should be lying on the ground, not on this blanket."

Emma rolled over and rested her chin on her hands, "Do you want to be?"

Regina's eyes flickered and Emma felt her body spasm and contract, "I don't think- I don't think I could, Emma."

Emma licked her lips but decided not to push it.

Instead, she rolled onto her back again and stared up at the trees.

"He's going to be interesting to see grow up. Do you think he has it?"

"Has he not answered any of your thoughts recently?"

Emma laughed, "Not as much as he used to, but you're right."

"It's strange how it develops isn't it? I can't do that, neither can you and yet he clearly can."

This led to a long and interesting discussion which eventually tapered off into comfortable conversation.

Time passed quickly there. As the evening fell the energy began to change, making Emma jittery as though she wanted to move. Instead she and Regina fell into a respectful hush, feeling the night pulse through them, touching them, tasting them. They built a small fire and sat, thighs touching, watching it burn for a long while. The air tasted of honey and clove and Emma found herself licking her lips, casting Regina side glances. The fire was invigorating, crackling and popping, reminding Emma so very much of how her skin was feeling just then. "Intense," she finally admitted. She knew what they would be doing right now if nothing had ever changed between them and the thought was driving her crazy.

Regina let out a breathy laugh and with a twinkle in her eye she let out a slow deep breath. A cloud of purple drifted from her lips and Emma instantly inhaled, taking it in and feeling it waking her, rousing her.

"Okay," Emma panted, "That wasn't fair." Her hands balled into fists and she wondered if Regina's teasing meant that she was _not_ feeling the same things that Emma was.

"Come on." Regina rose. "You'll feel better."

Eyebrows high, Emma took her hand and let herself be pulled up. They started out dancing slowly, hands releasing and moving to opposite sides of the fire, eyes never leaving the other one. Emma laughed, but once she started it was like scratching an itch. It was wonderful, peaceful, triumphant. They jumped and spun to the beat of the coming sabbat, and with their energy the fire seemed to grow.

They danced and danced until finally they bumped into one another.

Emma heard Regina hiss, her hands clamping on Emma's arms.

For the briefest of moments, Emma felt a thrill of fear before it pooled into deep, wanting arousal. They stared at the other, mouths watering, breath fast.

Regina seemed to shake her head clear and they laughed, "Maybe we should sit down."

"Yeaaaah."

Emma plopped down by the fire and Regina sat beside her.

"Why didn't we ever do this before?"

Regina laughed a little the fire glowing in her still slightly purple eyes, "Because we had blocked it, remember? We had put it away."

"Before that?"

"I don't know. I suppose I was less than enthusiastic to bond with you through Craft after Mal and you always seemed so frightened of it."

Emma watched the fire, uncomfortable but curious, "Did you do a lot of circles with Mal?"

Regina shifted, "Not intentionally but - you can create them without meaning to."

Emma frowned, understanding her meaning, "Was it always that violent between you?"

"No. But the longer we knew one another, the longer we had that connection and the more of one another's essence we took in, the more energy we needed to keep up. I'm not sure exactly when it turned violent. I suppose I specifically used to be violent when we were younger but the level of violence we went to almost immediately, that was different. I can't help but to wonder if it's because I didn't actually like what I was doing."

The fire crackled and snapped and somehow in the safety of their circle Emma found that she wasn't upset hearing this, just like she wasn't upset by Regina's alight eyes, "I'm scared that if we ever become physical again, I won't be able to give you that. I know - I know I wasn't exactly satisfying you before."

"Oh Emma, but you were." Regina's hand closed on hers in a tight squeeze, "What wasn't satisfying was after we lost our passion, our drive. It wasn't until we stopped having a _personal_ relationship that I began to feel-"

"Unsatisfied."

"Emma, I don't know if we will go back to bed together but I think that if we do we will both be satisfied." She brushed a finger along Emma's pulse point and her heart gave a strong thump as if confirming her words.

"Is that something you want?" She didn't have the guts to look at her as she asked.

Regina was silent for a long time, "Very much so, yes."

When they finally decided it was time to go home they broke the circle, Emma feeling exhausted as though she had run a marathon that day. Her body ached with want and her mind battled. They threw everything in the trunk and then paused before getting inside, standing together in silence.

"Do you feel better or more confused about how today went?" Regina asked into the quiet night air.

Emma frowned, "I'm not sure. I can't tell how much of what I'm feeling is body versus essence."

Regina nodded.

"I want…" Emma frowned, trying to think out her feelings as she spoke, "I know that I want to kiss you. A lot." She heard Regina's sharp intake of breath but didn't have the courage to look up at her. "Does that mean -"

Regina cut her off, wrapping her in a tight, warm hug, "I don't know, Emma."

 _Emma_.

After all these years she still liked the way she said her name.

"Come on." Regina sighed, regretfully and released her, "Let's get back to our kids."


	51. Chapter 51

**Regina**

* * *

She wasn't sure of this, not at all. Had she followed the right path? Now after all of the things they had been through and all of this time, she wasn't completely sure that she remembered the dream correctly. Was she pushing fate by doing this so soon? She was sure that neither of them had expected everything in the circle to be so intimate, so serious. Still, was it too soon?

But she had been nervous about those things in the dream, hadn't she? She thought so, yes. She wished there was some way to see the vision again.

If not now, then when was the right time?

She didn't have the answers and she hated that. She had spilled over every divination tool she possessed but the answers had been vague, leading her to believe that it was up to her.

She had left her vault feeling frustrated.

There was no point in asking Virginia and Ivy. If the cards had been that clouded, then their answers would be too.

So she had called ahead, doing her best to have everything set up perfectly. If it failed it would not be because of lack of effort.

She had fixed her hair, she had put on her favorite sexy but not too sexy dress and then had wrapped herself in her favorite jacket.

Was this the right thing to do? She didn't know.

She had been just as vague about their plans tonight as Emma had been about their plans for the last date. She had told Emma to dress nicely, that was all.

"Wow, Mom!" Henry said with his eyebrows high when he answered the door, "You look amazing."

Regina smiled to herself.

"What?"

She let out a small chuckle, "You just - remind me so much of your mother sometimes."

"Is that a good thing?" He gave her a toothy grin.

Regina laughed, pulling him to her for a hug. "Penny is a very lucky girl."

Henry blushed and changed the subject, "So mom's been freaking out all day. What did you do to her?"

A shout of "SHUT UP, HENRY!" came from upstairs, making Ollie in the living room look up from his book and giggle.

"No really," Ruby sauntered around the corner and into the foyer, "what did you do?"

A loud string of swearing came from upstairs.

As a group, they followed Regina back to the living room where she flopped down next to Ollie and gave him a kiss, "How are you, sweet pea?"

"Fine." He gave her a grin and then slipped back into his book. "Are you and Mommy going on a date?"

Regina paused, unsure how to answer that.

Henry did it for her, "Duh, dweeb. Why do you think mom has been changing for the last two hours?"

" _Two hours_?"

"So Henry, how's Penny?" Ruby asked, pointedly and loudly.

"Good. She told everyone today that I made varsity. It was so embarrassing."

"I keep telling him that her bragging about him is a really good sign." Ruby groaned to Regina.

"She's right, you know. It is!"

Henry flushed, "I knoooow."

Regina heard steps down the stairs and, heart leaping into her throat, turned to look. It was like waiting for her prom date under the eyes of the girl's parents. Both of her children watched her, looking for any and every reaction.

It was clear that though Regina had never said it, this date was supposed to be their first attempt at romance.

Emma came down the stairs and into the living room looking nervous. Regina wished instantly that she wouldn't because, wow. Emma had tied her hair into a knot at the back of her head so that it gathered and fell over her shoulders. Her outfit was a new one, a flowing, deep gray one piece jumpsuit that hugged all of the best parts of her, flattering her shape and frame.

Regina stood, unsteadily. She still wasn't sure how they had gotten from 'I hate you' and 'you broke us' to this. When she tried to remember it exactly it all felt blurry, but standing there, wide eyes and looking at Emma, she felt a strong surge of gratitude. She had made such a terrible mistake, she had almost cost them their life. How had she gotten lucky enough to be where she was now?

She studied Emma's small, shy smile and for the first time in months she was sure that there really was magic in the universe; not just Craft or essence but true, mythical magic.

"Emma," she breathed, "You look wonderful."

Emma flushed and opened her mouth to speak but glancing at her children's eager faces changed her mind, "So, where are we going?"

Regina grinned, "Somewhere a bit further than the woods. Come here, give me your hand." The feeling of Emma's fingers slipping into hers with only the smallest of hesitation was supremely wonderful. "We won't be out late." Regina nodded to Ruby and before she could hear Ruby's grinning response Regina pulled herself and Emma into a cloud of purple essence.

Emma looked a little more uncomfortable as they appeared on the corner of the street. Regina knew that she didn't like it when she used Craft but that would have to be a conversation for another day. Perhaps in another circle, that had seemed to promote complete and yet safe honesty; a tool they would need to remember if they ever agreed to have a future together again.

"This where we're going?" Emma asked, looking up and the calligraphed letters of the restaurant's name.

"It is." Regina held the door open for her. Their hands were still loosely interlocked and before Regina let the hand go she took a risk, pulling it to her lips and quickly kissing just above Emma's wedding ring, "After you."

Slickly slack-jawed, Emma went through the door.

The restaurant gave off a softly romantic glow. The lights were dim and the booths were high, giving each patron privacy. At every table there was a small candle, perfect for leaning over while you caressed palms and kissed fingertips. Regina looked around the room, pleased. The bar had come a very long way in ten years if you could even really call it the same place.

"Hello, dear, we have a reservation for Mills, please."

Regina was pleased to see that the man did not need to look at his list, he had remembered her from her phone call an hour before.

"Right this way, Missus."

The host guided them through the dark restaurant and all the while Regina's fingers shook. She was nervous. She was - scared. She was also strangely exhilarated.

A brush of fingers touched her shoulder, Emma trying to keep up, and without thinking Regina covered them for just a moment with her own. She turned and watched Emma's face grow confused when the man led them out to a large dimly lit patio.

"Right here, ma'am."

"Thank you." Regina slipped him a tip and nodded him away.

She wished that the tingle of nervous butterflies would leave her stomach.

She let Emma look around for a moment before she sat, closing her coat tighter around herself. "I apologize for the cold but I promise we are outside for a reason. Does this area look familiar at all? I won't be offended if you can't recognize it. It's been a long time."

Emma looked around, all the more confused as she took her seat across from Regina.

"I'll give you a hint," Regina said, trying to control her racing heart. She still wasn't sure if this was too much, too soon. The dream - but - what if Emma didn't want to go down memory lane like this? What if - what if she secretly wished that she was back at home with the kids instead of here with her? Or worse, what if she was thinking of Mal? Usually Regina could see it when she was but what if... "It's not over here. It's actually over there." She pointed over Emma's shoulder, cursing a bit when she noticed just how much her hand was shaking. Would Emma see that and assume it was a different type of tremor?

Emma turned and looked at the abandoned building across from the outdoor patio. She studied the small courtyard, the bench, and the streetlight. Slowly her eyes began to grow as she realized, "Is that- is that the dance studio?"

Relief washed through Regina when she saw that Emma didn't look annoyed or put off but - happy. She nodded, "Our first date."

"Oh, my god." Emma looked around herself with a new eye, "So this -"

"That bar."

"That shitty little dive where you met me?"

Regina laughed, feeling as though she could easily get up and dance around the open space.

The server appeared then and with a polite grin said, "Your waters."

Emma's mouth popped open as he set them down, looking from the water glasses to Regina, "I _can't believe_ you remembered that."

Regina took a sip to hide her smile. "Emma-" but she stopped herself. She...she wouldn't say it now. There were things to be said, yes, but not yet, "of course I remember."

Emma studied the long since abandoned building with a touch of sadness, "I wonder what happened to it."

"I'm not sure. I tried to find out. As best as I could tell the couple who owned it finally died and it just closed."

Emma sipped her water and frowned.

Regina watched her as she remembered their first date, mesmerized. The glow of the overhead lights caught Emma's hair, making her skin warm and shine as she let out a little laugh.

Tonight was the night, Regina had decided that when she had decided to bring them here. She was going to throw all she had into tonight and, oh god, she hoped that she wouldn't fail. She still didn't have the answers. Did she deserve this? She thought probably not but...

"Emma," Regina said again, her hand sliding palm up to the center of the table, "You might find this a silly thing to ask but-" her words caught and she flushed, "may I hold your hand?"

Emma's mouth fell open, obviously caught off guard. Her jaw moved, as though she were trying to come up with something to say. She gave up after a second and, eyeing Regina she slowly slipped her hand into hers.

Regina squeezed it, so warm and soft, and took a deep breath, "So. According to the reviews I have read, the duck is the best thing on their menu."

"You did research?"

Regina laughed, "Of course I did my research, I _am_ still _me_."

Emma laughed as well.

The food was delicious and Regina was grateful; it would have been very poor luck if they had been forced to share a plate of hot wings and potato skins in a rundown dive bar far from the beaten path.

They ate until their bellies were full and then they shared a small creme brulee.

Soon they found themselves back on the street in front of the restaurant.

"I don't know about you," Regina said, trying not to eye the studio where her dream had told her they would end up, "but I think I could use a walk."

Emma nodded, "Yeah, that sounds nice." She had become quiet toward the end of the meal and Regina knew why. It was as though a frail glass bubble had been forming between them. It wasn't uncomfortable, nor did it necessarily get in the way. It was just that both knew what would be said tonight and both were simply waiting for the right moment. It was as though she had grown contemplative; perhaps wondering at her own answer.

They walked for a few blocks in silence, side by side, taking in the night air and simply enjoying the other walking beside them.

"Do you think it will snow soon?" Regina always loved the snow.

"No, probably not until after Christmas."

They stared up at the sky. Soon the scent of Yule would be in the air, Christmas decorations would cover the city and carols would play in every public space.

"Let's go back toward the restaurant," Emma said after a few minutes, "I want to check out the studio a little better."

Stress and anticipation made Regina nod a little too quickly. They turned, but Regina's smile had fled. What if this went poorly? She glanced back at Emma's face and she could only see a light happiness but…

"God, look at this place!" Emma stepped around her and tried to look into the darkened windows. "It's crazy to think we have been in there. Do you remember how bad I was?"

"You weren't bad per se, just - creative. You were a very creative dancer."

"Creative? Ha! That's a very nice way to say shitty."

It was banter and Regina didn't think she could handle much more of it.

"Emma-" Regina's hands were clasped tightly in front of her as though if she could hold them there then there was no chance of her world coming apart again. "I have to say something to you."

Emma turned and Regina saw the wariness that she had been praying would not appear on her face. She bit her lip, looking away quickly.

"Yeah, I kind of thought so."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to dig the words from under her fear. She needed to say it. She needed to apologize. She needed to tell her how she felt. Instead a few tears dripped from her eyes and she sniffed, embarrassed. "Emma-" How could she express the guilt and the sorrow she felt over what she had done, over how much she had hurt her? There were no words, nothing sufficient.

She felt strong hands close around her wrist, but she found that she couldn't look up. The shame, the humiliation, the absolute despair over what she had done was so thick, so sour that she couldn't get past it. "I- I'm so sorry." Emma pulled her in. "I - I-"

Regina felt Emma's finger softly pressing under her chin so she obeyed without thinking, looking up into Emma's eyes.

Oh, it was wonderful and terrible all at once.

Her tears grew as she struggled to speak, to say what she needed to say. She felt weak in Emma's embrace, overwhelmed.

Finally her tears were coming too fast so she just let her face rest in Emma's lapel. "Emma I -"

"Shhhh," Emma hushed her and stroked her head. "I know."

She nuzzled Emma's neck and breathed in the scent of her skin. She had missed this. She had missed her arms around her.

"Do you still know how to waltz?" Emma asked in a low voice.

Regina laughed, wiping her face, feeling surprisingly comforted. Emma wasn't shoving her away. She wasn't telling her she didn't want to hear it. Peace began to slowly warm her rigidly cold and afraid interior, "Actually, I knew how to waltz long before that night."

"What?" Emma gasped in mock horror.

"My mother made me learn when I was a child." Regina sighed, chuckling once to herself and shifting so her face was pressed against Emma's, cheek to cheek.

"So when I was falling all over the place -"

"I was falling in love with you."

Emma pulled back and grinned slowly, her eyes growing soft. Carefully, she kissed her cheek.

Regina's eyes closed as she felt her lips lightly brush her skin, so grateful for it that she wanted to say thank you.

Then, despite the fact that there was no music, Emma began to spin them under the glow of the warm streetlight.

* * *

She could hardly sleep that night, so anxious for the next morning. She just wanted to be there again, with all of them. It was like waiting for a package in the mail, Christmas and her birthday all mixed into one. She continuously closed her eyes, praying the night would pass quickly.

They had agreed to meet the next morning at Granny's for breakfast and Regina couldn't wait.

She also couldn't stop smiling.

It was far into the night when Regina finally gave in to a warm and happy sleep.

She woke early the next day and instead of getting out of bed she cuddled her pillow closer to her, imagining that it was the warm body she was craving.

Emma had heard her and Emma had accepted. It was true the apology was not as lengthy as she would have liked but it had been genuine and heartfelt.

Now - god, she just wanted to get on with their life.

She dressed and headed downstairs a little earlier than she needed to, just to be in the space where she would be meeting them. Who needed coffee? Who needed Craft? She could run on this high for a lifetime.

"Good morning, Eugenia!"

The old woman was standing behind the counter refilling a coffee pot. She looked up at Regina and her friendly eyes immediately narrowed.

"What?"

Eugenia put the coffee pot down, "What are you up to, girl?"

"Up to?"

"Yes, up to - with those rosy cheeks and -"

The door jingled and Regina spun around.

They were _early_!

"Mommy!" Ollie cried in surprise, jumping up and down.

Regina hadn't known if Emma was going to tell them that they were meeting her too or not, but the excited surprised look on his face told her that she hadn't and it had been so worth it.

"Umhmm," Eugenia grumbled behind her as Regina swept Ollie up and kissed his face.

"What're you doing here?" He asked.

"I live here, sweet pea, remember?"

Eugenia let out a grumble and started to wipe the counter clean, making Regina laugh. There was always something distinctly funny about Eugenia when she was disgruntled. She had never noticed it before now, but watching the old woman mutter and wipe, she laughed again.

Emma approached, slightly hesitant and Regina couldn't blame her. They had ended the night before with a very sweet kiss on the temple. Could they say hello that way? Hmm, perhaps not. They both knew that kissing in the shadows of their doorway was very different from kissing in front of their children so instead they just shared a smile.

"Mama-mama-mama!" Bonnie squealed in Emma's arms.

"Mama!" Regina cried, "Bianca Kate, did you just call me mama?" She pulled the girl into her arms and kissed her all over her face. "Did you? Did you!?" She tickled her belly, enjoying the wild kicks and giggling shrieks.

"Table for five, I'm guessing?"

"Yes please, Eugenia." Regina and Emma shared a bemused glance when Eugenia just grumpily swished by them.

"So, how'd it go last night?" Henry asked as they slid into their booth.

A dull thud came from under the table and she was fairly sure that Emma had kicked him.

"Ow! What? I'm not allowed to ask?"

This time Regina kicked at him.

"Hey! What is this? I'm getting tag teamed now?" He cried, but they all just laughed.

"How about you Ollie?" Emma asked, "Do you want a chance to kick your brother?"

"Yeah!"

Thud.

"OW! HEY!"

Emma laughed, holding Ollie's legs so he didn't do it again, "Wait, you weren't supposed to _actually_ do it!"

Henry grumbled, rubbing his shin, "Just wait. My retaliation will be sudden and harsh. When you least expect it, expect it, people. I know where all of you sleep."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"What can I get you?"

Regina frowned, "Are you alright, Eugenia? You seem out of sorts today."

The old lady just huffed.

"Mom, can I get bacon?" Ollie asked loudly and Regina was distracted, ordering her usual.

"So what are you guys all doing today?" She asked when Eugenia had left to take their ticket to the kitchen.

"Can we go to the park?" Ollie chirped hopefully.

"You have dance class this afternoon." Emma reminded him.

"Oooooh." Ollie's eyes grew round, "I'm gonna get pointe shoes soon, Mommy!"

"I know, sweetie, Miss. Bell told me!" Regina tweaked his chin.

"Thank god for dance class." Henry sighed under his breath.

"Oh?"

Emma laughed, "He's supposed to be taking Ollie to the movies this afternoon."

Ollie began to pout but Henry was on it, "I'll take you _next_ weekend, okay? I wanna go with Penny this weekend."

"What are you two going to see?"

Henry shrugged, "I dunno."

Regina scowled, thinking that he probably wasn't sure because he and Penny would be too busy making out to really see it anyway. They would just pick the next movie showing. Ha! She had been young once. Perhaps they needed to have a refresher course on safe sex soon.

Emma was clearly on the same wavelength because she tossed something at him from her pocket, "Breath mints."

" _Emma_!"

But Emma just laughed.

"What are _you_ gonna do today?" Ollie asked her.

Regina sighed, what was she going to do today? She was going to spend the day _not_ being in her own home with her family, that's what. "I don't know, honey. Maybe I'll come with you to dance class."

"You will?"

"Why not?"

"Okay!"

"Or I can come with you," She said in a low voice to Henry, bumping his shoulder.

He rolled his eyes, busy stuffing the mints into his pocket.

Everything always went too quickly when they were together. First they were sitting down. Then they had their food; Emma stopping a milk bubble contest between the boys. Then their plates were empty.

Regina watched it happen sadly, knowing that even if she went with Ollie to dance, she would only have to leave them behind after that, since the weekend was so full of children's activities that they had agreed to simply let them stay at 108.

She smiled and did her best to continue joking and teasing as they all stood, gathering their jackets, feeling the depression grow.

Perhaps, now that they were _dating_ she could request more time at home, more time with them as a family.

She had to do something.

She caught Emma giving her a small lopsided grin and decided that she would wait for another day and simply enjoy the one she had.

* * *

Breakfast the next morning was not nearly as much fun. She slipped into her usual booth beside the back door a little groggy with no external energy source and instantly ordered a cup of coffee.

"Where's the brood today?"

Regina shrugged, "They all have plans I would imagine." She gave Eugenia a small smile and hoped it didn't look as woeful as it felt.

Eugenia made an irritated sound in the back of her throat, "Your usual?"

"Yes please." Regina nodded and then pulled out her phone to update herself on the news of the day.

She ate in silence, her fork feeling heavy and when she was through, she tipped well as she always did.

Perhaps she would go into work today and play catch up. She didn't want to sit around and do nothing.

"I need to talk to you." Regina jumped when a hand closed on her arm.

"Oh! Eugenia, you scared me! Is everything alright?" She frowned, seeing that the old woman's grumpy face from the day before was still firmly in place. "Are you alright?"

"Just come with me."

Suddenly nervous Regina nodded and followed Eugenia's grumpy face into the inn's front room.

* * *

Hey ya'll just because we're out of the drama (ish) doesn't meant hat I don't still want to hear your opinions! Don't forget to drop me a line, a review, anything and let me know what you're thinking! Ya'll have gone kind of quiet!


	52. Chapter 52

**Regina**

* * *

"You have to be kidding me, Eugenia. Please, tell me you're kidding me."

"Nope. Out. Goodbye."

"I don't understand, I have been a good tenant to you, how can you do this? This is Storybrooke, there is nowhere else to go!"

Eugenia scoffed, "Well if that were true then I wouldn't bother. Go _home_ , Regina."

Regina's teeth grated; she was trying not to fly off the handle. They had been going around and around in circles for well over an hour and she _still_ couldn't believe it. "Eugenia, I beg your pardon, but that is not your decision to make."

"Sure it is!" Eugenia's round bosom bounced a bit as she laughed, like a female Santa Claus. It made Regina want to strike out at her. "It's absolutely my choice who stays at my inn."

"I just- I can't believe-" Regina stammered, pacing the small office. She was rubbing her forehead hard as though the pressure would help sink this idea in. "I have done _nothing_ to offend you!"

"It isn't about that, Regina!"

"I just can't see how you can kick me out. What would you have me do?"

"Go home, girl, like I said."

"And like _I_ said, that is not up - to - you." she snarled. "Nor to me!"

"You're right," Eugenia said, her hands coming down on the counter with finality, "I can't make you go home, but I can take away your key. I can, if you would like, invoke the town charter that _you_ created when that biker came through saying no one with a criminal record can stay here."

" _Eugenia_! That was shared with you in the _strictest_ of confidences!"

"Well, I would really prefer not to do that anyway. I'll have your key now, please."

"No! Absolutely not! I am paid up through the end of the month as you well know!" She had begun pacing again but stopped short at the sound of the register sliding open with a ding.

"There you go." Eugenia plopped a few bills on the counter and held out her hand expectantly.

"Eugenia-" Regina was pleading now. Her fingers were flexing with anxiety, cracking uncomfortably as her teeth ground against themselves. She couldn't do this. She literally would have nowhere to go. She had always paid on time, if not early, she had always been quiet and kept to herself - for the most part. _How could she do this?_ "Please don't do this. I can't - I can't handle trying to find somewhere else to live."

Eugenia came around the desk and wrapped her in a warm but altogether unwanted hug. "Regina, a mother belongs with her family."

Regina pushed away as politely as she could, which wasn't much, "But that is NOT YOUR CHOICE!"

Eugenia's face set, "Key."

"Eugenia!"

" _Key_."

"GRANNY!"

" _KEY_!"

Regina stared at the woman, her eyes beginning to prickle with tears. What was she going to do? There was nowhere to go. She supposed she could stay at the vault, but there was no bathroom, no bed, no room for the children. She could stay at the cabin she made for Mal she supposed, but she would much rather stay in her vault. She could build herself something new but...no she couldn't, that was far too large of a risk. Had she known this was coming then she could have done a little bit every day until it was complete.

She could see it in Eugenia's face. There would be absolutely no moving the old woman on this.

"Of all the lowly, shitty things to do, Eugenia, this might be the worst." She pulled the key off of her key ring, flinging it furiously into her hand. "I counted you among my friends."

"Sweetheart, when this is all over I guarantee you will still count me among them."

Keyless, she followed Eugenia up the stairs in a panic. What should she do now? She understood that the vile woman was trying to force she and Emma back together, but didn't she understand that what she was really doing was ruining their chances? How _dare_ she interfere like this.

Eugenia opened her door for her and without a word Regina strode in, standing in the middle of the room very much at a loss.

"You'll see, Regina. If there's anything I know, it's that a mother deserves to be with her family."

The door slammed in her face of its own accord.

She had stalled a little bit, packing manually even though she could have packed in one swoop.

She could ask Mary-Margaret if she could stay with her but that would effectively put an end to her weekends with the children. Honestly, no matter where she went it took her weekends away from her.

She supposed she could leave town and ask Emma to transport the children with Craft each weekend. That wasn't a terrible plan, only, she knew that neither woman would approve of the idea of using that much Craft on their kids.

So she packed.

She did, indeed find the pair of Tiffany & Co sunglasses, which didn't surprise her at all. Whatever. She would give them to Mary-Margaret. She knew the woman had a soft spot for Tiffany.

She didn't go out the front of the inn when she was done, she thought that if she ran into Eugenia again she might kill her. So she took the back stairs.

Of course, when she opened the back door she was met with a sheet of rain. Because losing her living space wasn't enough for the day, she had to get soaking wet as she did it.

Grumbling, she popped her trunk and threw her bags into it, getting completely drenched within seconds.

What the hell was she going to say to Emma when she arrived?

She had no idea.

Knocking on the door of 108 she knew something was wrong. She could hear many voices from inside screaming their heads off, slamming and banging.

Worried, she rang the doorbell, half considering simply barging in.

The door flew open and she was met with such a disdainful, furious look that she whimpered, her nerves already on edge.

Everything about Emma's face read stress.

She could hear Bonnie screaming bloody murder upstairs while Henry was stomping around in the background, yelling nearly as loud.

"Regina!" Emma cried and it too was such a snarl that Regina took a step back wondering what the hell she could have done.

"What's going on?" Regina asked, stepping inside and hiking her sodden bags up a little higher on her shoulders.

"Here." Emma pushed Regina forward aggressively, "You can deal with it since you _had_ to give it to her. You. Go!"

"What the hell-"

"Your daughter" Emma let out a strained laugh, her hands on her hips, "Heh, _your_ daughter is stubborn like her freaking mother!" Regina's eyebrows rose high, "It's nap time. Only she won't go down for a nap because _somebody_ recently gave her back her damn binky and she fucking wants it!"

Guilt instantly flooded Regina as she understood the issue. It was true that she had been the one to hand the thermometer disguised as a binky to Bonnie when she was sick. Then they had both just kind of let her have it, unwilling to take it back from a sick child. "Wait, wait, wait, it was all we had!"

"And your son!" Emma continued as though she hadn't heard her, "Your _freaking_ son has decided that he wants to drive."

Thunderous footsteps came down the stairs and Henry vaulted himself into the living room. Confused Regina turned on him, "What is this? We already have the agreement that you will wait until you're eighteen."

He flung his hands into the air in exasperation, "I'm going to be eighteen in a year! It doesn't matter! It's like like I'm ten!"

"It sure matters to our insurance company." Regina scoffed.

"This is so stupid! You were driving by sixteen!" He pointed accusingly to Regina "and you," he pointed at Emma, "you _had_ a car at sixteen!"

"It was the 90's! Things were different!" Regina insisted.

At the same moment, Emma yelled, "That's because that was _ALL_ I had, Henry! I had to learn to drive it so the cops wouldn't tow it from the parking lot!"

Bonnie gave a particularly hard wail and that apparently did it for Ollie. He threw his book across the room and his hands over his ears, screaming, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

"And god, can't you get her to stop freaking crying already? It's been like ten hours!" Henry bellowed over the cacophony, throwing himself up the stairs.

Emma let out a small, tense laugh, "I'm freaking WORKING ON IT!"

Regina watched Ollie run upstairs to his room, overwhelmed. It was usually Regina with the hot head who was able to get riled up by the children. She had only seen Emma actually yelling like this a few times. She looked murderous. "So Bonnie-"

Emma rounded on her, "She wants her binky! We had her broken of this but _you_ had to go and give her that damned binky again! She acts like she is going to fucking die without it!"

"Wait, a minute, you didn't exactly take it from her either."

"OF COURSE, I WASN'T GOING TO TAKE IT FROM A SICK BABY!"

"Wait, that was awhile ago. Why is this still a problem? It can't take another month to fully break her of it."

"BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER HAS BEEN SUMMONING THE THERMOMETER FROM THE BATHROOM EVERY NIGHT AND USING IT AS A BINKY!"

" _What_?"

"I kept freaking finding it in her bed. I thought it was Ollie or Henry! I chewed them a new asshole more than once over it! But it turns out that she has been summoning it from the bathroom every night. I have no idea how but the boys were downstairs with me the entire time! It wasn't them! So last night I threw it in the outside trash and she doesn't seem to know how to get it. SO! THIS!"

Bonnie gave another choking scream.

"She screamed for HOURS last night and she's been screaming for the last two hours today! She's exhausted, but she won't go to sleep without it! We're all a little high strung. Because of YOU! Who gives a little girl her binky back after months of being broken of it?"

"Hey! I was just doing what I could! Who takes a week to notice their daughter is summoning her binky every night?"

Emma paused, finally noticing that Regina was dripping on the floor, "Why are you all wet?"

"It's fucking _raining_!"

"Gee. Why do you have bags?"

Regina frowned, "Granny kicked me out!"

Emma just stared at her for a while, "What?"

"Granny kicked me out! I have had a very trying morning, Emma."

"She can't do that."

"Well, apparently she can, because she has."

"What the hell were you supposed to do?"

"Come home, apparently. She kept saying that mother's should be with their families."

"Wha-whu-" Emma stumbled, but Bonnie at that moment gave another loud screech and Emma's face twitched.

"Look, why don't you go for a run. I'll take care of this."

Emma looked for a second like she wanted to argue and then she was suddenly in her running clothes in a poof of white. Sweating and muttering she was out the door.

Regina watched her go, her stomach churning. She understood why Emma was clearly upset, but she wished so much that she wasn't.

She took a deep breath.

Eugenia had to pick today. She had to pick right now.

She marched upstairs and into Henry's' room.

"MOM! You're supposed to KNOCK! What if I had been - doing - stuff? I need my privacy!"

Ew! Did her son just threaten her with his own masturbation? "Well then, it wouldn't be the first time that I have seen your penis."

Just as she knew he would and just as she had intended Henry recoiled, "UGH GROSS MOM!"

"You brought it up, not me." Regina cut him off, "On no uncertain terms will you be driving until you are eighteen years old."

"BUT-"

She cut him off again, "No. That is final."

"MOM!"

"FINAL! We will readdress this issue after your birthday, if you choose to continue on this way then we can wait to readdress the issue until after your _nineteenth_ birthday. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She closed his door, all business and headed to the nursery.

Bonnie was not so easy.

She had been _summoning_ her binky? Well, that - was interesting. Ollie had done things like that when he was young, but lots of children with Craft bearing parents do and then it simply fades from them. She tried rocking. She tried holding. She cried scolding. She cried comforting. Nothing worked. Eventually, Regina gave up. Bonnie would be cranky without a nap, but she supposed she would be here to help.

Emma didn't return for an hour, soaking wet and breathing hard.

Regina had laid out a towel for her beside the door and Emma was patting herself down when Regina reappeared in front of her; her nerves a little less rattled and the house a bit quieter.

"So she just kicked you out?"

Regina's lips pursed. It was bad enough being kicked out, but it was worse seeing just how much Emma didn't want her there. "Yes."

"What the hell did she think you were going to do?"

"Come back here."

Emma scoffed, "Because that's just her choice, huh?"

"I don't know, Emma!" Regina's arms folded over her chest.

Emma toweled off in silence, but Regina could feel her anger building. It made Regina wish for a nap. This was all too much. "You know," Emma finally burst, "That really pisses me the hell off! She gets to decide how our life goes?"

"I don't know, Emma." She was getting a headache.

"I mean, now what?"

"I'm not sure. Where would you have me go?" She had snapped and that wasn't going to help anything, she knew that.

"Okay, that's _not_ fair!"

"It isn't about being _fair_ , Emma. I mean that quite literally, _where_ would you have me go?"

"Go to a friends house!"

"Oh, you know as well as I do that I have no friends in this town! I was mayor here for three terms!" she snapped, "Besides, where could I go where I could still have the children on the weekend?"

Emma's mouth opened and closed then opened and closed again.

"I didn't exactly choose this, Emma!"

She saw Emma's eyes narrow and she waited for the blow, knowing it was coming. Some form of 'well this is your fault' or 'but you did choose to cheat'.

She steeled herself and waited, but though Emma's mouth opened, she didn't say it. She looked very much like she wanted to, but she didn't say it.

This gave Regina a new kind of hope. "This doesn't have to be bad, Emma. I'll stay in the guest room. I can help. It doesn't have to mean - anything when it comes to us."

Emma shifted back and forth, looking a little bit like a trapped animal, "This should have been my choice."

"Well then make it now," Regina bit, "I can get a room out of town if you would like. I cannot think of another choice within Storybrooke."

Emma stared at her for a long time before her shoulders drooped, "No. No, I won't make you do that."

Thank god. Regina wanted to fall into the chair with a huff but instead just nodded.

"Stay in the guest room. We'll figure it out."

"Thank you, Em."

This time, it was Emma who awkwardly nodded, "I'm- I'm going to take a shower."

Regina watched her go unsure of whether they had taken a step forward or a step backward.

When she heard the water click on upstairs she gathered her bags and pulled them up the steps. She stopped outside of the first guest room, scowling. Not this room, not where Mal stayed.

"What are you doing?" Henry was leaning against the doorframe of his room, studying her bags.

Regina jumped, "Jesus, Henry!"

"Are you moving back in?"

"Eugenia kicked me out."

" _Really_? What did you do?"

 _"Nothing_!"

His angry face began to transform into a grin, "So you're back."

"Henry." Regina pointed at him seriously, sensing he was about to do something, "You will not make this worse. You will not speak of this. Do not make this harder on - anyone."

His grin grew, "Okay Mom."

She couldn't help herself, she smiled back and headed for the secondary guest room.

She dropped her bags with a thump and looked around.

As strange as it was to be in this room. She was _home_. Maybe not as she would like to be, but she was here, within its walls. She couldn't exactly find it in herself to be grateful to Eugenia, but she was here.

She looked at her clothes and sighed; she would love a shower too. She would love a shower and to get into her pajamas early but - maybe not. Would that be hard for Emma? Perhaps she should act a bit more like a guest for a while. No pajamas in the living room. Respect her space. So she unpacked her bags into the spare dresser there and sat down on the edge of the bed, anxiously.

Dinner. She would cook a long and difficult dinner.

* * *

She knew that Emma was avoiding her when it took her another hour to come down from her shower. She couldn't blame her.

Regina wasn't sure what Henry had said to Ollie, but he had come strolling down the stairs a little while later and curled up on the couch, turned around to watch her in the kitchen with an entirely satisfied smile on his face.

"What are you up to, mister?"

He shrugged, "Whatcha makin' for dinner?"

She was deep in conversation with Ollie when Emma finally came down, pausing just inside the living room door, clearly surprised to see Regina in the kitchen.

"I thought I would make dinner," Regina said quietly. The strain was thick and sat cottony in her throat. She cleared it but it wouldn't budge. "If that's alright."

Emma shifted and then gave her a small smile. "Do you have enough space in the spare closet?"

"Mmm," Regina nodded, dipping her finger in and tasting the sauce she was making. She flushed when she saw Emma watching. "I suppose I could use the hall closet, if need be."

"Well, there is still plenty of space in - my - closet, our closet."

"I still have quite a bit in there as well, don't I?"

"Yeah." Emma laughed and Regina rolled her eyes. She had always had so much more in the way of clothes than Emma.

"I'll pull those out."

Emma shrugged, "Only if you want to. It's not like you have anywhere for them to go."

Things began to ease a little as the whole family sat down to dinner. It was easy to pretend as though at the end of the night Regina would be leaving and their life would just move on as it had been; as though nothing had changed.

Regina and Henry washed the dinner dishes while Emma and Bonnie fought bedtime together. She went down a little easier since she had missed her nap but it still wasn't pretty.

Finally, all three of the children were in bed and it was just Emma and Regina - and it was not comfortable at all.

Simply because she didn't know what else to do Regina cleaned, straightening the kitchen far more than necessary while Emma puttered around, readying everything for the next day.

"Emma. Perhaps we -"

"Should talk?"

Regina let out a small laugh, "Yes."

"I think so too but I'm not sure what there is to talk about."

"I'm sorry that you've had this pushed on you in this way. I'm sure Eugenia thinks that she is helping."

Emma scoffed.

"What does this mean?"

Emma paused, glancing cautiously in Regina's direction.

"Are we still dating?"

Emma pulled herself up onto the kitchen counter, frowning, "I don't know" she said in exasperation, lifting her hands just to let them flop again, "Are we? Being in the same house kind of makes that weird, doesn't it?"

"I suppose so. Perhaps we should just, um, put everything on hold for now."

Regina turned her back to her, wiping the clean counter again, scrubbing hard as though it would wipe away her disappointment. She didn't want to stop dating. She had only just been celebrating how well it was going. What now? Though, part of her knew that perhaps putting the dating off was wise. She couldn't deny the knot of attraction in her lower belly. She had always liked Emma in her pajama shorts and tank top; it had been one of her secret enjoyments of their relationship. Now, with her sitting at the perfect height and her long, toned legs dangling off the counter she had to admit that it _would_ be complicated now. "Emma -"

"Hmm?"

"In the woods - in the circle we were both feeling - well," she asked the question before she could stop herself "And sex - Emma? Are we - ?"

Emma had been open with her desire for it in the circle, well, somewhat open, but now the woman looked startled, "Sex? What about sex?"

Regina turned, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms but looking anywhere but at the baffled woman, "I was under the impression in the woods that it was something you were considering. I - well - it's a habit we once had and -"

"Uhhh…"

"I suppose, I just need to know Emma. If we are going to be living in close quarters and in this limbo then it seems we should make a decision before it becomes an issue."

"Um, right. No. No sex. No-"

"Nothing physical at all."

"I mean, I dunno, Regina! Does that mean you think otherwise?"

"No!" Regina jumped and gave her a small smile, "I'm just reminding myself, I suppose."

Emma stared at her, eyes wide and mouth open.

Neither knew what to say in response so finally, just wanting an escape Regina sighed, "Well, I am going to take a shower and then head to bed."

Emma nodded rigidly.

It was a relief to step out of the kitchen and even more of a relief to wash the day off of her. She pulled on her pajamas and just to avoid any more of that strange mix of tension and upset that she had met downstairs, she listened closely before stepping into the hall.

She had just rested against the pillows, not even under the blankets yet with her current book when there was a small knock at the door.

Her mouth went dry and despite everything, a hopeful vision passed through her mind of what it was Emma could possibly want. She didn't know if they were ready for anything physical, she had meant what she said in the circle. She just wanted - some - part of her, whatever she could have.

"Come in," she rasped, and then quickly cleared her throat.

Emma's head peeked around the door and she gave her a small smile, "Here. I noticed you didn't get one." Emma dropped a second pillow onto Regina's bed. As a matter of fact, Regina had noticed the lack of a second pillow but she wasn't sure she could manage to leave the room again. It was too strange, too much. _Her_ room was just down the hall, where her wife would soon be sleeping. Even when they fought she had never slept in this room; they had just never been that couple.

She pulled her feet back quickly when she saw Emma sitting on the edge of the bed, "You didn't take the other room."

"Mm, no. I can't help but to feel as though it is tainted."

"Maybe we should remodel it."

 _We_?

"I like that idea. Perhaps a gym? Or - I'm not sure really."

They lapsed into silence for a moment, "Look Regina, I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Regina chuckled, "Aren't you uncomfortable?"

"Yeah, I am. I don't think I was ready for this, not yet. But I don't want you to feel like you need to tiptoe around. If you're going to be here then just be here, okay?"

She nodded.

"Okay." Emma pat her foot and stood, "I don't know how this is going to go."

"No, nor do I. We were doing so well when we went out with one another. I suppose let's just try to figure it out as we go."

Emma nodded and gave her a weak smile.


	53. Chapter 53

**Emma**

* * *

Day one had been hard. She had to admit she had spent her entire run that afternoon in a complete and total freakout. She wasn't ready. She _was not fucking ready_ to have Regina back in the house, just down the hall from her. She was not ready to look at her every day. She was not ready to see Regina morning, noon and night. The little bit of dating they had done had been good, yes. Very good even. She had begun to want things she hadn't wanted in a while, she had begun to feel things she hadn't felt in a while.

But this was too much.

Day two had been just as uncomfortable. Regina had helped with the kids. They had all gone about their days. The kids had clearly been happy that she was home. But it had been tense. Neither of them could relax, too busy being jumpy and nervous.

They had done their best to simply stay out of one another's way the majority of the day. This was made all the worse when, with flushes and uncomfortable mutters, they met not once, but twice in the upstairs hallway. Both had done an awkward little head nod and tried to step around the other, turning it into a shuffled momentary dance before they scurried quickly away.

Day three, no change. Regina had arrived home starving and exhausted to find that Emma had been stuck late at Henry's practice. Trying to help, Emma had to assume, Regina had materialized a dinner for five on the table. Emma hadn't appreciated it, as a matter of fact she hadn't liked such an outright show of Craft; especially when Regina's eyes had turned purple for a moment. Emma had snapped at her and alarmed and tired Regina had snapped back. The fight could have torn down the house, Emma insisting that she didn't want to see Craft like that and Regina insisting that she was fine and 'Craft was a part of her now'.

Day four, five and six, were filled with polite apologies when they wandered into the other's space and awkward, static glances. Emma had tried to be kind when Regina had made her coffee one morning, joking a little through the tension and pouring a cup from both of them. The only problem was though Regina had agreed in kind, Emma had turned with the full cup to hand it to her, only to turn directly into her; drenching them both with scalding coffee and forcing them to squirm as they tried to figure out how to disentangle themselves. Any progress the kind act or the joking had made was ruined and once again they scurried to the opposite sides of the house.

But then day seven came around and it was a little easier. They attended the children's back to school night together and fawning over the children was easy. Regina brought Emma a cookie from one of the snack tables and Emma held the doors open for her as they moved from classroom to classroom. Then day eight and day nine. Regina came home to Ollie and Emma singing songs from 'Wicked' and was surprised when Emma didn't clam up as soon as she saw her. So Regina had teasingly rolled her eyes, refusing to sing but willing to share a laugh.

They had taken the children to the park one afternoon, surprising them with a kite. Regina had planted herself in the grass and, in the midst of running with all three kids at her heels as they tried to get the kite into the air, Emma had looked back to see Regina grinning, glowing radiantly and cheering.

Emma arrived home after a very stressful afternoon and was surprised when Regina offered a small back rub, made awkward when Emma let out a deep moan and she felt Regina's fingers close like a vice on her for just a second.

They shared a hug with Ollie and instead of rebounding when their arms touched, they both held on for a little while.

There were looks - heated looks every now and then. Emma would come out of the shower and would step from her room wrapped in a towel to retrieve something from the hall closet. Their eyes would meet and then one would trip or turn to leave and run into the wall. Emma would finish a batch of laundry and politely bring up Regina's clothes, only to find her wife and Ollie stretched into a long yoga pose. Their eyes would meet and Regina would yelp, pulling a muscle and Emma would laugh awkwardly and then fall over Ollie in her attempt to put her clothes down. The building tension made Emma begin to wonder about dating. They couldn't just give it up, right? Should they just settle into this strange new life? As the days were passing it was almost as though Emma's guilt about the situation was growing. She knew that the only reason Regina wasn't mentioning it was because she was worried about Emma's comfort level. Sometimes she would seem to see the question in Regina's face, but out of courtesy Regina never verbalized it.

Finally, the evening of day ten came and Emma wasn't so nervous about Regina returning home. Emma had slept particularly well the night before and was in something of a silly mood. They had spent the morning joking and to both of their surprise, laughing.

It was Wednesday, Regina's night to stay late at work so by the time that she arrived the younger kids were both asleep.

Emma still jumped just a little when she heard someone putting a key in the door, but she was mastering control of that response, turning it into a cough or a gesture because Regina's eyes always seemed to track the reflex, never missing it.

She was sitting on the couch in front of the TV with a glass of wine when Regina came in, kicked her shoes off and crossed to the couch. "Long day?"

"Wednesdays are always my least favorite day. There is so much to do and though we have all been doing it for years, my colleagues act as though they have no idea that it's going to happen - every single week."

She fell with a huff into the cushions, tucking her pantyhosed feet under her and wordlessly reached for the kitchen. A glass of wine was in her hand instantly.

Emma schooled her expression. She still didn't know how to handle Regina using Craft. She understood that Regina was 'fine' and that they had done a bit together but she just didn't like to see it. It was like when they first met, Regina using her Craft casually, only with so much more baggage on top of it. She understood that it wasn't dangerous, she understood all of things she was supposed to, but she didn't fucking like it.

"What happened?" Emma asked to cover her moment of agitation.

Regina shook out her hair, "Oh, I just got stuck doing the paperwork of three instead of one. It was nothing unusual, just taxing and highly frustrating."

"Ah."

"Anyway, how was your day?"

Emma shrugged, stretching out long on the couch, "AcDec is today now, so I did that. Henry, god that kid might be a pain sometimes but he's fucking _smart_!"

Regina laughed.

"I don't know where he gets it." Trying to joke with Regina right now was like trying on shoes, some fit and some didn't and few were comfortable.

Regina scoffed and threw a throw pillow at her.

Emma giggled, blocking it with a swipe of her hand and nearly spilling her glass, "Hey this is your couch, remember. You are the one who _insisted_ on this color."

"Yes, well, that is because it looks so nice in here."

Emma finished off the last of her glass and stood to get some more. She topped off her glass as well as Regina's and then took a seat on the opposite side of Regina's couch.

"So Mary-Margaret wants to have a play date this weekend."

"Oh? Her son and Bonnie?"

"Yup."

"That makes sense. Things have been so chaotic as of late that we haven't done that, have we?"

"Nope. I was thinking we needed to have her over anyway."

"That's a good idea." Regina popped her neck, stretching from side to side and groaning.

"So whose paperwork did you do and when are they buying you dinner?" Emma asked. She could see Regina flexing everything that hurt and decided to try something on. She reached over and pulled Regina's foot into her lap. She hadn't done anything of the sort in a while but Regina had been the first to do something like this a few days before; plus, she would do this for Mary-Margaret if it seemed that she needed it.

Instantly Regina sank into the couch, crossing her legs at the knee and groaning, "If only that was how it worked."

"I will never understand your job."

They fell into silence then, Regina's small sounds of pleasure going to Emma's head, muddling it and making it thick. It had been two weeks since their last date. She still couldn't decide if this was something that they needed to pursue or not, but she was beginning to find that she missed them. They had been fun, if nothing else. Well, the last couple had, anyway. And they had almost - well, they had reached a new level of intimacy the night of the last one, hadn't they? They had even kissed - politely yes - on the cheek yes - but still, it had been a step.

After a while, she switched to the other foot, not entirely sure that Regina was still awake.

"So I was thinking-"

"Mmmhmm."

"If we go on another date then I want to build another circle."

Regina's eyes popped open, "Really?"

"Yeah! Don't you?"

Regina's eyebrow rose, "I had assumed, well, the last time was - trying."

"In what way?"

Regina gave her a dry stare and she laughed.

"Yeah, but we didn't do it then. It's not like we don't feel that sometimes anyway."

Regina's eyebrows all but disappeared into her hairline, "Elaborate, please."

Emma shifted, wishing she hadn't said anything at all, "I don't know, you're telling me that you don't?" Regina's face remained dry and Emma laughed, a little guiltily, "Anyway. Where would _you_ want to go?"

Regina leaned up a little, intrigued, "Is this fanciful or are we planning?"

Emma shrugged.

"Alright. Well, I'm not sure. Perhaps we should take the kids somewhere. We had promised to take them to an amusement park over the summer and we never went."

Emma grinned, "Rollercoasters and junk food? Count me in."

"Or perhaps an afternoon of wine tasting in Napa Valley. Or we could cut to the chase and have an afternoon in Tuscany." Emma liked the small smile on Regina's face as she said, "I've never taken you aboard. I always said I would."

"Can you just poof us there?"

"Poof? Is that what you call it?"

"Shut up."

"I suppose I could. It would be very hard, though. It's a very long way and water is difficult to cross."

"Alright, what about locally?"

"I don't hear you coming up with any ideas!"

Emma bit her lip, holding back a laugh, "Well, maybe I could use our situation to force you into coming to a haunted house with me! Come on, please! There's supposed to be this amazing haunted Christmas one in Vegas with crazy clown Santa's and Elves. Come oooon! Henry would love it!"

Regina was shaking her head, "Noooo, if you haven't gotten me in this many years of marriage you won't get me now."

"Pleeeeeeeeese." Emma gave Regina her best innocent grin.

Regina rolled her eyes, "I'm going to bed before you talk me into something that everyone will regret."

"I won't regret it!" Emma cried.

"You will when I kill you for making me go to a haunted house! No, thank you!"

Emma laughed, watching her climb the stairs.

There. See, that had been good. Playful and light. Good job.

That had been growing rapidly again too.

The ease.

The flirting.

Emma liked it.

It became complicated if she really let herself think about it, but she had found a wonderful solution to that.

She didn't let herself think about it. Or Mal. Or...any of it.

She downed the last of her wine, still smiling and clicked off the living room light.

"Bedtime." She said into the open crack of Henry's door, but the kid was already passed out on his bed, earbuds blasting.

Emma shook her head, remembering all of those times adults had told her off for playing music that loudly as a teen. Now it made her cringe wondering what kind of damage he was doing to himself.

Humming a bit, she changed and quickly brushed her teeth, exhaustion starting to overtake her.

Just as she was getting ready she heard the small knock on the door. It wasn't a big deal, Regina had been doing it nightly. "Everybody decent?"

Emma scoffed as Regina entered the room, grinning proudly at her joke and heading for the closet.

"What is it tomorrow?" Emma asked, stretching out on the bed. She had taken to wearing her little shorts and tank nightly now. She knew that Regina enjoyed them and she enjoyed the little glances that Regina thought she didn't see. In return, she had noticed that Regina had been wearing more and more of those little business skirt suits and dark tinted pantyhose that Emma had never admitted to liking but did - very much. "Business suit? Dress? Slacks? Hmmm, you wore a business suit today so I'm going to guess slacks."

Regina glanced behind her, giving Emma's long body one of those exact poorly hidden looks before letting out a rumbling chuckle and holding up the slacks she had just gathered.

"Ha! I win!"

"Am I so predictable?"

"Yeah," Emma made a teasingly apologetic face, "you are."

Regina rolled her eyes, leaning against the edge of the bed, "Would you like to go to Italy?"

Emma sat up a little, "I mean, of course I _want_ to go to Italy or - anywhere, really."

She wasn't sure what the look on Regina's face said, "Alright."

"Alright? Alright as in, what, let's just go? Should I call a sitter?"

Regina chuckled, "One day perhaps."

Emma grunted, falling back onto the pillows.

Regina stretched, fluffing her hair ever so slightly, "You know, Emma, I've been wondering."

"Hmm?" Okay, she had always worn those silk pajamas, Emma knew that, but she had rarely worn both the tops and the bottoms. As a matter of fact, the mere presence of the bottoms simply made Emma think about the fact that they weren't supposed to be there. That was the post sex pajama top that she would throw on to run downstairs, braless and if the children were asleep pantyless. She looked away, guiltily pulling herself up to switch off the bathroom light; a simple distraction. "What's up?"

"I've been looking and I can't seem to find it. Do you know where my sleep mask is?"

Emma flushed, "Oh. Uh, yeah. It's in my nightstand. I might have started using it after you left."

Regina chuckled, "Really? You always said you hated the pressure on your face."

Emma bit her lip; she had started using it because it smelled like Regina but she wasn't going to - "Wait, no!"

Regina had just opened her nightstand, in search of the mask. Regina froze, her eyes wide. "Oh, I'm sorry."

Oh, my god, it was like being caught with your dirty magazine collection.

In their past relationship, the sex toys had always lived on Regina's side of the bed. There was no real reason for this, it just always had been that way. Emma blushed now, knowing that Regina was seeing not one of their sex toys but _two_ moved over to the other side, an all but blatant admission of having used them.

"Sorry…" Emma covered her face with her hands, surprised by just how embarrassed, and slightly turned on she was by the crimson blush creeping across Regina's throat and face. "I - uh...sorry."

Regina cleared her throat, standing, her back straight and closing the drawer. "No, please." She cleared her throat again, "Don't apologize." Emma watched Regina blinking rapidly and, dear Jesus did she just lick her lips? "It's perfectly understandable. It's been a while. I imagine if I had more time I would do more of that myself." She was trying so hard to show that she wasn't affected, but she was failing miserably.

Regina's statement caught Emma off guard. This was actually something that she had been curious about. _Could_ Regina respond - sexually - without triggering her essence, her Craft and pushing it into overdrive? There was always a small exchange during sex, nothing big; like swapping saliva during a kiss or - "You don't?" She slid back onto the bed, her embarrassment still hot on her cheeks, but far more curious than she really had a right to be, "I mean, don't feel like you have to tell me or anything..."

Regina slowly lowered herself onto the foot of the bed, thoughtfully; her face reddening again, "I did - once."

"Once? Is that because of your Craft?" There had been a few of these type of conversations over the last few days, not necessarily on this topic but about the - details. She always appreciated it when Regina was this honest, it felt...like she had a foundation to walk on. Regina wasn't lying to her nor refusing to answer her questions, that meant a lot.

"That is why I was afraid, yes. I'm not sure why." Regina's shoulders were stiff, tight as she tried to explain, "One didn't necessarily beget the other in the past."

"When?"

Regina took a deep breath and finally looked at her, "After that kiss. The one on Ollie's birthday."

"Jesus!" Emma hissed, falling back onto the pillows, her palms crushing her temples. She hadn't - that was - honest - whoa. A tremor rocked through her body and for just a second she considered asking for details. Would Regina give them? Should Emma have them?

"What?" There was something to Regina's voice that made Emma look up at her, alarmed; sadness - fear of condemnation? It was almost as though Regina was challenging her to have a problem with it.

"No, no," Emma rolled a little so she could touch her back, "Sorry, I didn't mean-" She laid back down, trying hard not to picture it else - whew- no, "I just meant, it's hard to imagine you - at Granny's-" She sucked in a deep breath, "And that it would have had anything to do with me and -" Nope, she had to stop this train of thought. It was the most alarming, comforting, arousing thing she had heard in quite a while.

"Emma." Regina's hand slid up her ankle and squeezed, lightly, "You center in _all_ of my fantasies."

Emma's mouth popped open, the words, the touch hitting her in such intimate places. She -

But Regina stood, clearing her throat and playing with her wedding ring, " _Anyway_ ," she said with a flash of her eyes, "I better get to bed now."

She wanted to make a joke, but the joke wouldn't come. "Right." Emma breathed, "Okay. G'night."

She watched Regina close the door, her head spinning.

They needed to talk about this...soon.

The more they laughed together, the more they could touch and talk and get by on a daily basis the more that _this_ side grew as well.

Emma stretched, but her body felt tight, tense.

She couldn't believe Regina had been so honest. She _loved_ this new honest Regina, but the thought that Emma was the reason why Regina had ventured into self-pleasure...Regina rarely, if ever, did that. She had only caught her _once_ , not compared to the fifty times that Regina had caught her. What was it exactly? What was it about that kiss that had prompted - that?

What did that confession mean - for them? Should she tell her...

Her door flew open and for a second she just stared at it confused before Regina came storming back in like a woman on fire.

"Regina?"

"I'm sorry, I just - I fucking can't -"

Regina was on top of her in a second, her hands in her hair, lips on hers, slipping instantly past Emma's lips.

It was as though the world had exploded. Emma clamped down on her, legs instantly wrapping around hers, hands clutching her neck, pulling her tighter. They were like two magnets, pulling together and locking into home.

She let out a cry of surprise that turned into a hungry moan which was cut off into silence midway as Regina purposefully stole her voice.

Emma's head and body screamed as hands slid up her stomach, hungrily cupping her breast, chanting 'yes, yes, _yes_ '.

She didn't have enough hands for everything she wanted to touch at once. She pulled at Regina's blouse, ripping it from her body and instantly pulling a nipple into her mouth. This time, it was she who stole a voice mid cry of pleasure as the door behind them clicked closed.

There was no mistaking their need. Their hips moved, rubbing insistently against the other's. Regina's hands were in her hair, her lips on her throat, sucking and biting and Emma was reaching, forcing the silk pants down and cupping the woman atop her forcefully. She could not be patient and she could not wait; she pushed herself up to get a better angle and slid inside of her wife, soundlessly crying out as Regina did the same. They rocked together, fast and hard, mouths sucking on the others, pulling and pushing with everything they had.

It felt like seconds, maybe it _was_ seconds before Regina was unfolding into Emma's palm, her body going stiff and she tripled her pressure into Emma. Stars broke across Emma's vision as she followed, mutely screaming Regina's name into the silence and then falling backward, taking Regina with her.

Regina sprawled across her, refusing to remove herself from Emma and Emma could only laugh. She had no brain left, otherwise she might be worried, she might have wanted to know what this meant or why, she might have put a stop to it. They were both half undressed, panting for breath, but their gentle stroking hadn't subsided. Emma wasn't done, she needed more. Now.

She flipped them, kneeling on one knee and pushing back into her. Regina's body arched, her eyes closed. She watched every movement, every twitch on her face; Regina's fingers playing idly against Emma, sliding in and out of her, up and down not for Emma's pleasure, but for Regina's own as Emma pushed her toward another climax. Emma was surprised to find that it wasn't the same face she had seen with Mal, there was no disconnect, no half lidded haze. Regina was very much there with her. Sensing her gaze Regina's eyes opened and they were the deep, lovely brown that Emma loved so much. Regina's fingers began to press harder, making Emma's head fall forward, brushing lips and enjoying the desperate kisses Regina left there. She felt Regina beginning to tense. She swore, holding Regina's fingers tightly to her as she watched Regina meet her climax again, and again followed willingly.

Just as Regina's body began to relax, losing its rigidity, Emma leaned down and took Regina's swollen little bud into her mouth, sucking in a way she knew well and bringing on another instant orgasm.

Regina pulled and without meaning to Emma fell across her but scooted quickly, knowing Regina's intention. Her body pressed against the wall, balancing over her, hands slid down the wall above Regina's head as she was placed over her. Gently at first, Regina took her into her mouth, her hands reaching up and caressing Emma's tender body.

Emma's face softly fell to the cool wall as she gasped and silently groaned, her fingers combing through the hair underneath her.

Fuck, it was too much, oh god, fuck - she was - she was-

Had she ever had this many this fast?

She fell backward, her body half covering Regina's, her feet beside Regina's face. She could feel Regina under her, touching herself. Emma joined her, bringing another on the tail of the last and then, in that strange position, she fell into a sudden and death like sleep.


	54. Chapter 54

****

**Regina**

* * *

It had been like an explosion of lust, all fast, hard and discombobulated. They had both passed into something like a coma the minute it was done, spent.

Was she surprised? Regina contemplated this as she pulled herself out from under her comatose wife the next morning. Well, she supposed technically she had started it; the sight of those toys had moved her into a daze. She hadn't been able to stop herself from picturing Emma using them, she hadn't been able to stop herself from taking in the energy they gave off; telling her that it had only been days since both of them had been used.

Should she worry though, that it had been so passionless? No, it hadn't been passionless, god it had been anything but that. But it had not been sweet, soft - a bonding of two souls. It had been physical, like food to a starving man.

Was this like the last time? Would Emma wake, tell her that it had only been an itch to scratch and then forbid it from happening again?

She shook her head stepping across the hall into her own bathroom for a shower.

So, now what? Did they go on as though it had never happened?

A small piece of lead dropped into her stomach as she wondered, had Emma been thinking of Mal? Regina hadn't been, nothing else in the world had existed, not food or water or their children but…

She showered, her worry turning her stomach again and again.

It wasn't better when she got out. She worried as she toweled off. Perhaps she should do something for Emma, something small but something for only Emma. Perhaps there was a way she could tell Emma that she wanted it to continue without putting any pressure on her.

There was a small knock on her door just as she had finished pulling her panties on, "Yes?"

Sleepy faced, hair a rat's nest and toothbrush jutting from her mouth, Emma came in with a half smile.

Regina studied her face for a moment, trying to see how she should behave. There was nothing readable there. Should she flirt? Should she just be civil? Should she laugh? Her mind spun in panic so she just gave her a small good morning and leaned over the bathroom sink, fixing her wet hair.

"Sorry," Emma muttered standing behind her. "I uh, ran out of toothpaste."

A smirk came to Regina's lips when Emma reached over her shoulder and into the medicine cabinet, her hips grinding against Regina's rear hard enough to push her forward ever so slightly.

"Oh. S'cuse me." Emma shrugged, putting a blob onto her toothbrush and then restoring the pressure, rocking ever so slightly as she put it back in the cabinet.

She - was _flirting with her_!

Nervous elation crashed through her, "Oh, don't mind me." Regina rolled her eyes dryly and grinned at the tousled reflection.

She watched Emma brush behind her, feeling those hips pressing against her and she couldn't help but to respond. Her hands fell to the sink's counter and she pressed back, her lips parting.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked with a devilish twinkle in her eye, twisting around Regina to spit and wipe her mouth.

"Wrong? With me?" She gave her a small stink eye over her shoulder, "I just seem to have something in my eye, I suppose."

"You do?" Emma cried, "Let me see." She pulled Regina's chin around, but instead of looking into her eye she planted a long, deep kiss, pushing against her a little harder.

"Did I get it?" Emma asked, her hand snaking around Regina's bare waist.

"Mmmm, not yet." Regina pulled her back in, giving into their game and whimpering just a bit as she felt Emma's hands begin to slide; her own hand tangling in blonde at the base of Emma's hair.

"Mmm, toothpaste." Regina smirked and they both laughed.

"Shhh, you'll wake Bonnie," Emma muttered, face glowing as she pushed aside wet hair and began to feast on her neck.

"Oh, and we wouldn't want that."

Emma just grunted, her hands cupping Regina's breast.

"We probably should not be doing this, you know." Regina sighed, her breath hitching as Emma's fingers snaked under and into the cup.

"I won't tell if you won't."

Regina chuckled to cover her gasp, "And who would I tell exactly?"

"Mmmm, the pope?" Emma offered, rolling a nipple between her fingers, "The mayor?" Emma's free hand slipped under the front band of Regina's panties, sliding over her and pulling a deep moan from Regina's hitching throat, "Santa?"

" _Santa_?" Regina laughed, her head falling back on Emma's shoulder; pushing into Emma's palm, begging for more.

"Mmm, Santa; trying to take away my Christmas presents."

Regina's breath caught, the image of them in the mirror, Emma's hand under her bra and in her panties, was almost enough to make Regina come undone. "Oh trust me, you'll be getting oooh - plenty of - ahh Christmas gifts from Santa - this year." She let out a high moan as Emma began to work diligently, circling her quickly.

"Shhhh."

"Take my voice." She gasped, between building pleasure filled moans.

"Uh-uh. It's more fun to make you stay quiet."

Regina didn't think she could as her bra fell away from her. She began to knead her own breasts, as much for her own pleasure as Emma's and it was Emma who had to be shushed now.

Regina's eyes rolled, her head falling forward, only to be pulled back by Emma insisting that she 'wanted to see her'.

So Regina let herself be seen, panting, mouth falling open.

There was a small shuffling down the hall as the first of the children rose for the day.

"Fuck - don't - don't stop" Regina gasped, her hand back in her hair as she caressed her own nipple, thighs beginning to shake.

* * *

The day was an exceptionally good one. Regina showed up to work, sipping from her travel mug of coffee and grinning to herself.

"What did you do differently, today?" her coworker asked the moment she stepped into the door.

Regina looked herself over, surprised, '"Do differently?" She frowned. Well, she supposed her hair had dried a little differently than normal. She smirked.

"Really! There is something different."

Regina just coyly shrugged and headed to her office.

She watched Emma run at lunch time with Bonnie in her stroller, only, this time she watched with amusement and an ever so slight arousal.

She had decided on her way to work that morning that she wasn't allowed to question anything. She had no idea what they were doing, she was sure it as not wise, at least not without a full conversation but...she wasn't going to be the one to complain. She had known this would probably happen, it was why she had asked for ground rules her first night back in the house. What she _would_ do is make sure that she stayed in her own bed that night.

Only she didn't.

She showed up home from work with surprise pizzas and was met with an uproar of cheers. She wobbled out of her shoes and laughed as the food magically disappeared out of her hands, taken by Henry who looked like Gollum with the ring and was chased by Ollie crying, "I want it! I want it!"

Emma glanced behind her, entering the foyer, "So what kind did ya get? Did you get pepperoni? Huh? Huh?"

Regina let out a girlish giggle as Emma tickled her ribs, pushing her a little further back into the corner and trapping her. It was like now that Emma had allowed herself to feel this; it was all she was feeling.

"Did you? Or did you get vegetables again?" It had been a ten year battle, Emma insisting pizza was pointless without pepperoni and Regina insisting that _if_ they were going to eat as poorly as pizza then, at least, they could get some waterlogged vegetables into them.

Regina twisted and gasped, trying to fight off Emma's skillful fingers before she finally gasped out, "I guess you'll have to wait and see."

Then Emma caught her in a kiss that surprised her enough to nearly tip her.

"I - missed you today."

Regina's mind went fuzzy, "You did?" she breathed. She knew that Emma was just being sweet but that sentence was better than any sex they could ever have.

"Yeah," Emma ducked her head, embarrassed, "I did. I guess that's a good sign, huh?"

"Yes. Yes, I think it is."

"Score! Mom, she got pepperoni!" Henry cried, "Uh, moms? Where'd you go?"

Emma grinned, looking like a teenage boy herself as she charged back to their kids and gave Henry a high five.

Apparently things were just easier when they were sleeping together. They all sat around the dining room table, talking over one another and laughing. Then Regina went to help Henry with his homework while Emma helped Ollie, occasionally catching one another's eye and smiling.

Emma joined her in her bathroom again as Regina got ready for bed, a thoughtful look on her face.

"What?"

Emma began brushing her teeth, leaning against the counter, "Do you miss Mal at all?"

Regina opened her mouth, instantly wary. What could she say? Did she miss Mal? Romantically? Physically? Emotionally?

"That's a very hard question to answer, Emma."

Emma just waited.

"Alright. I suppose I miss part of her. She was my best friend for many years. I miss that side of her, though I am fairly certain we are not done with her. She doesn't seem to understand the meaning of no."

"What about the more recent stuff? The - sex and the essence."

Regina scoffed, her throat going dry, "Do I miss the essence? Yes. I think I will always miss that. It's the best of all drugs and the easiest excuse. But do I miss the sex? Well." She took a deep breath, "I'm not sure if this is wise or not but can I tell you about a time while she was here?"

Emma's eyebrows pulled together, but she nodded.

Regina wanted to pull her into her arms, feel the safety of her there with her but instead she just leaned next to her, "I don't remember this, I only know exactly what happened because of the twins and their cleansing."

"'Kay."

"There is this spot here," she softly touched just above her right eyebrow, "that still hurts to the touch. Not a lot, but some. I'm pretty sure I cracked my skull open that day."

"What happened?"

"Mal. It was nothing out of the ordinary. I had taken too much from her, I - I was like a wild animal. I couldn't understand thoughts or words, I - we were too aggressive. My face was slammed into the wall over and over again and I didn't care." She took an unsteady breath, feeling the tears coming and allowing them, "She put her entire hand inside of me, Emma. She put her entire hand inside of my vagina and most of her other hand in my anus that day."

Emma made a jerking movement, almost has though she had dryly retched.

"And I didn't even care, Em. As a matter of fact, I needed that kind of stimulation. When I was awake enough to realize I was hurt I just did a half-assed healing. I saw -" she sucked in a harsh breath, "I saw when the twins - I was bleeding down my back from her nails, from my lip from where she had bit me, from my forehead, I had broken my fingernails, and I had a black eye from her punching me."

Fury bloomed on Emma's face.

"No, Emma, you don't understand. You can't be mad at her. The thing is, I wanted it. All of it. I - I nearly choked her to death with her own braid that day. How - horrid - how vile is that?"

"Regina-"

"No, Emma, listen. No, I don't miss the sex and no, I don't miss the essence. I don't want to _be_ that person. I'm _not_ that person. I was so out of it, so unaware of anything happening to me that I didn't know _any_ of that at the time."

Emma frowned, "I remember. I don't think I'll ever forget your face that day; how out of it you were. You didn't even look like a person, not really."

Regina sighed, "Oh Emma, I wish you hadn't looked."

"I know. I think sometimes I wish that too. Most of the time."

They fell into a slightly uneasy silence, both readying themselves for bed and both unhappily thoughtful.

"Do you think I'm fucked up for letting this happen?"

"What, us sleeping together or forgiving me?"

Emma stayed silent, studying her hands.

"Have you forgiven me, Emma?"

"...No."

"Well then, no." Regina caressed the taut cheek, "I don't think you should. Not yet. But listen to me." She finally pushed herself into Emma's arms, "I will never be that again, Emma. I promise you that. I won't. I can't be. I refuse. Do you hear me?" She pulled her face so it was looking directly at hers, " _Do you hear me?_ "

Emma nodded, tears falling down her face. Regina pulled her to her, wrapping herself tightly around her trying to share her feeling through the embrace.

"Come on." Regina led her to the bedroom and tucked her into bed. She caressed Emma's face again, neither woman's tears having slowed a bit. "I'm so sorry, Emma."

Emma nodded, holding Regina's palm to her cheek. She leaned over and softly kissed her.

Emma took the kiss and held her, wanting more as she cried. So Regina slid into bed next to her, wrapping her tightly into herself and rocking.

They had come so far, through love and hate and jealousy, but the pain, both of their pain still ran so deep.

It was like a blessing from someone else's life when Emma buried her face in her throat.

"Oh Emma," she sighed, massaging the back of her neck, unable to catch her breath as she remembered just how much she loved her and just how lucky she was to still have her. "Emma, Emma," she sighed, kissing her temple, her forehead, the top of her nose. Emma's lips moved across her face finally landing on her lips. "Emma, I love you." She whispered between kisses, "Emma, I'm sorry."

Emma's seeking lips parted Regina's, silencing her. Suddenly she could taste her, a very small clean blast of winter water, lilies, sunshine and Regina knew Emma had given herself. Regina froze, terrified, waiting to see what would happen next as Emma clasped her face, watching her. They stared into one another's eyes, Regina's nails digging into Emma's arms as she began to tremble. Slowly, like a feather drifting to the ground, her mind, her self began to separate as they combined, floating a bit while grounding herself deeper into her body, making her all the more present. She closed her eyes, feeling Emma within her, her mind mixing and swirling, waiting to grow large, to slip away from her altogether, but it was almost as if there were a tiny tether holding her to the ground. She gasped and when she opened, the pale eyes over hers were tinted with a soft, pale white.

Regina could feel wave after wave of desperate, but soft and warm passion hitting her, soaking into her skin.

"You okay?" Emma whispered.

Regina's hands did not loosen their vice grip, but she nodded, feeling her skin grow hot, only to cool where Emma touched her. She needed to be closer. Slowly, their lips dancing together they pulled off their clothes and laid pressed together, kissing softly and caressing the other's face.

Emma's arms wrapped around her, touching her tenderly. Regina's eyes closed, seeing her wife kiss and pet her, watching the small wisps that passed between their lips; not strong enough to harm and not like the purposeful exchange Emma had just done. There had never been pleasure and joy so fully between them. Regina's chest, her stomach began to warm, glowing richly as she felt the long broken, long hurt and betrayed tendrils coming to life, seeking their mate.

"Emma," she whispered, burying her face in Emma's throat as Emma loved her, wrapping her free arms around her and holding them together.

They gasped as their hearts beat in recognition of the other and then continued, moving as one.

"Emma, I love you. I love you."

It was different this time, not playful and silly but deep, as though mountains were being moved. She held her close to her, unsure of where she ended and Emma began.

They fell asleep that way, wrapped around one another and sharing a heartbeat, warm tears still on their faces as together they slept.

* * *

Everything was different now. She had taken Emma in and in return Emma had done the same. It was as though she could feel her there, something she hadn't felt in so long.

They woke the next morning, still a tangle of arms and legs and had shared a few deep, long kisses then, just to be sure that she was really there, Regina had held Emma's face to hers, studying her eyes, her expression.

Emma had only smiled and kissed her again.

They rose and went about their days as usual, sharing a cup of coffee as they got the children fed and ready for school. When they were packed Emma had reached for her, giving a goodbye kiss that was so rich, so full that Regina was sure she would either combust or melt on the spot.

"The kids are going to be late." Regina insisted after a minute. They nodded in agreement but sank even deeper into the kiss until, with a growl Regina pulled herself away, making Emma laugh and swat her butt for good measure.

They made dinner together that night, sharing glances and enjoying their children.

When Regina slid into her bed in the guest room that night it only took a few minutes for Emma to slip in as well, wrapping around her and chuckling as Regina whispered, "Hello lover."

They simply fell asleep that night, wrapped in one another's arms and for Regina, it was like bliss.


	55. Chapter 55

**Emma**

* * *

Once again, Emma, Regina, Henry, Oliver, and Bonnie were finding a _new_ normal as over the next two weeks the family fell into a shy new routine. In the morning, Regina made the coffee while Emma dressed Bonnie. Then Regina hurried Ollie and Henry along while Emma made breakfast.

Next Regina would shove the children into the car to drive them to school, Emma and Regina sometimes stealing a kiss hidden away from the eyes of their children and other times a mere nod or wink. Regina would go to work while Emma tended to her business. Regina no longer watched Emma at the track - at least - not every day. She had finally confessed to her lunchtime activities and was promptly forced into swearing she wouldn't do it anymore.

In the evening they would split responsibilities, making dinner, driving the children to and from their meetings and practices and the least favorite, potty training. It was true that potty training a little girl was a bit easier than a boy, but neither really loved picking the stubborn girl up and putting her on her potty. They were following leading expert's advice and letting her run around naked, much to the chagrin of both her mothers who had been urinated on daily.

At night they would tuck the children in together and then ready for bed, sometimes to make love, else to talk. Sometimes they even stayed in their own separate beds, both tossing and turning a bit.

Mal was not forgotten, nor were the horrible things that Regina had done. As a matter of fact some nights they stayed up until late in the evening, not touching but simply discussing it all, working through it. Sometimes they fought, sometimes they cried, but neither of those passions was anything like the ones they had faced in the beginning.

Their life was changing slowly. They no longer had pizza every Monday and sex only on Fridays. It almost seemed easy now, how had they fallen into that routine? At the time they were sure it had been necessity but - here was the proof that it wasn't.

Emma was not stupid, she noticed that people were beginning to watch them, Mary-Margaret and Eugenia predominantly. She could see them calculating each move, each look, each word between herself and Regina, trying to decide what they meant. When Mary-Margaret finally gave in and asked her Emma had shrugged and said, 'we're co-parenting.'

She was fairly sure that Mary-Margaret didn't believe her.

Life was on no account easy, but Emma found that she liked it. She hadn't given much thought to what their next step would be, content with how things were.

* * *

Emma was _exhausted_. She and Regina had stayed up late into the previous night contemplating where Craft came from and why, wondering how it was that Regina had so much when others had so little to none. Then their talking had turned to touching and their touching had turned to ardent and surprisingly affectionate lovemaking. She didn't regret it at all, but she was dragging.

She had arrived home from grocery shopping to find Henry and Penny on the couch 'studying'. She was not looking forward to having to discuss that with Regina; though she had felt some retribution when she made Henry and Penny help her make dinner and spent the entirety of the preparation giving them a stern 'talking to', reminding them of the do's and the don'ts of safe sex.

"Mrs. Mills, we're not having sex yet." Penny finally muttered though her blush, making Henry groan and cover his face.

Emma grinned and gave Penny a side hug, "Awesome and all, but neither was I and then suddenly I was pregnant with Henry. And I wasn't much older than you."

Penny blushed all the harder.

Ollie and Bonnie were in the backyard, bundled up and playing on the bit of swing set that Ivy had left behind after his last birthday, a miniature version of the grand one that she and Regina had created.

The front door closed and she heard a brisk, "Hello!"

"Hey!" Emma called back, giving Penny some more vegetables to chop.

Regina took her shoes off and vanished everything back to their proper place as she did every evening, "Can you believe it, I spent all day with Bonnie's snot down my back. Alfred kept telling me I had something on me, but didn't seem to care to elaborate until an _hour_ ago." Regina stormed past them and into the laundry room down the hall.

"Being a parent is gross," Emma called after her.

"Hey!" Henry cried.

Emma laughed and handed the pot spoon over to Henry, "Stir."

She followed her into the tiny room.

Jesus, no one looked as fucking good in their underwear and pantyhose. With a playful growl, Emma spun her and lifted her to her waist in one movement. Regina accepted, dropping the snotty dress, wrapping her legs around her and kissing Emma, long and hard.

"Bad day?"

"Ugh!" Regina groaned, "Not bad, exactly just frustrating. As much as I hate to say it, I think we need to stop staying up as late."

"I think so too. I was not firing on all cylinders today."

"When did we get so old?" Regina sighed, holding Emma's mouth to her throat.

"I don't know what you're talking about lady; _I_ am nowhere _near_ forty."

"Hmmm, watch it."

Emma laughed, holding her tighter. They shared another kiss before Emma pulled back a little, studying Regina's half crooked, lipstick smeared grin.

"What?"

Emma sighed. It was on the tip of her tongue but, she set her down, mumbling about Henry burning the place down with his cooking.

Regina rolled her eyes, continuing to clean the dress by hand.

"Okay, kid, go and get your brother and sister please before they freeze."

"It's not _that_ cold, Ma."

Emma rolled her eyes, smacking him lightly, "Goooo."

Regina reappeared just as Ollie and Bonnie were removing their coats, "Into the closet please."

Ollie nodded, gathering Bonnie's things.

"Thank you!"

"Everyone get their homework done?" Regina asked as Ollie began setting the table.

"I still have history to do," Henry grumbled.

"Right after dinner please then," Regina said with a point of her finger. He nodded but just to be sure she turned that pointed finger on Penny who laughed and nodded as well.

"Food!" Emma called, Crafting the serving dish and all of the fixings to the table.

"Awesome!" Henry was the first at the table, as usual.

Regina took Bonnie to the bathroom and then they all sat.

"Soooo, are you ready for your first game this weekend?" Emma asked Henry, taking a bite and then feeding a bit to Bonnie. They were at the point of leaving her to her own devices with a spoon and a bowl of food but she made a mess more than she ate.

"Nooooo, I do it! Gimmie!" she yelled.

The whole table fell silent, shocked.

"Well." Regina said after a minute, "You just hit the ground running, didn't you?"

Bonnie gave her a messy smile and plunged her spoon back into her bowl.

Shocked, Emma glanced at Regina who returned her feeling and then the meal carried on, Emma shaking her head and wondering what else the girl would come out with soon.

"This is so good, Mrs. Mills!" Penny said after her last mouthful.

"Penny," Emma scoffed, "I already approve of you. There's no need for false flattery."

"Oh, I don't know, Emma," Regina said, a teasing glint in her eye, "I think you have come a long way from nearly poisoning me the first year that we met."

"Hey! I did not nearly poison you!" Emma cried, gesturing with her fork, "I was - just making sure your stomach was...um, ironclad."

"Ironclad it was. You're lucky I ever called you again after your first attempt at seafood."

The table laughed, though Emma couldn't help but to notice that Ollie's face stayed serious. Regina was watching him too, making Emma think that she had been a little slow on the uptake.

"What did she make you?"

"Oh, the rawest salmon I think I have ever been served. We could have made sushi with it."

"In my defense, the clerk at the store was really misleading!"

"Sweet pea, are you alright?" Regina asked, running her fingers through his hair.

"Yeah," He said slowly, his face contorted in thought.

"Are you sure? You kind of look like your brain doesn't feel good." Ollie looked at Emma, his concentration growing. "What is it kid, spit it out?"

"I don't understand."

"What don't you understand, sweet pea?" Regina asked.

His soulful eyes turned on Regina and he took a deep breath, "I don't understand, if you love each other then why don't you just say it? Why do you hide it? You both say it in here," he pointed to his chest, "so why not out loud? Isn't mommies kissing each other a good thing?"

Regina's face would have been comical if Emma had been capable of remembering how to laugh - or speak. The fuck had just happened?

"I just- I don't understand." He looked back at his plate, staring at it and frowning.

"Uhhhh…"

Emma looked up, at a loss but Regina didn't seem to have anything to say either.

They had been caught, red fucking handed!

Henry looked like he was watching a very active tennis match, his head whipping back and forth between Emma and Regina. Finally he cried, "What?" in such a high girlish tone that Emma cracked a smile.

"Sweetie," Regina started in a soft voice, "Did you maybe see Mommy and I doing something that confused you?"

"No." He almost looked frustrated.

"Then -"

"I just _know_!" He rolled his eyes.

"Moms!" Henry demanded, still looking between them, "What?"

"Errr-" Emma said, unsure if they should answer him or perhaps run for cover. This is why they hadn't been open with - whatever the hell they were doing. A kiss could just be a kiss, sex could just be sexy but Ollie would never understand that.

Ollie seemed to realize he wasn't going to get an answer and scowled back at his plate.

"So coach Midas thinks that we can make it to the championship this year." Penny suddenly announced to the table, cutting through the silence.

"Oh yeah?" Emma jumped at the chance while Regina said quickly, "That's wonderful dear!"

Ollie was still sullen when dinner was done and Henry was still watching them with an eagle eye. Emma felt as though she were a fish in a tank, every now and then casting Regina an exasperated look.

Regina finally bent down to Ollie and softly touched his cheek, "Sweetie -" she started but it seemed as though she had nothing else planned.

"Tell you what guys," Emma finally said, "we'll do the dishes tonight. Henry, get started on your homework and Ollie, why don't you play in your room for a little while." There was no point in hiding that she and Regina needed to talk.

Henry's eyes narrowed as though resentful of being left out of the secret, but Penny pulled him by the hand up the stairs.

"Door open!" Emma called after them.

Ollie looked between them, still plainly baffled and followed up the stairs.

They put up the baby gates on either end of the kitchen so Bonnie could play and then started on the chore.

"So what do you think?" Emma cut to the chase.

Regina laughed, drying as Emma washed, "I think that between Bonnie's slow speech and summoning the binky and Ollie's ability to know and see things, I would wager a guess that we have two more in the family with Craft."

She laughed, shaking her head in disbelief, "Isn't it supposed to be rare?"

"I thought so."

"Poor Henry. He's going to be the only one without it."

Regina scoffed, "Poor Henry? Are you kidding? He's the lucky one. You know how hard puberty is going to be for Ollie and Bonnie, and Ollie - I worry that it's already going to be hard."

Emma nodded, chewing her lip. "I don't think I've ever been more embarrassed."

"Oh god, I felt like I had been caught in the backseat of a car by my mother!"

Emma cackled a laugh, "We basically were! Are you sure that he wouldn't have seen us at some point?"

"How? I suppose he could have come in one night with a nightmare or something but I can't imagine he would understand what he was seeing. Besides, we're very careful."

"How much do you think he knows?"

They both scowled and made a silent agreement to never think of that question again.

"He's right you know," Regina said after a few minutes.

"Right?"

"Isn't his mommies kissing a good thing?"

Emma flushed, words caught in her throat.

Yes, but…

"I mean, we're raising our children together again. We are sleeping together. We are taking care of the house together, even splitting the shopping. Typically they would call that a marriage."

Nerves flooded Emma. She knew this but…"Is that what you want, Regina?"

She put down the towel, staring out into the backyard in thought, "I don't know that we should rush back into anything, though what is left to rush into I'm not sure. I suppose it was an inevitability of me moving back into the house. I don't know, Emma. Perhaps it's something we should - try?"

Emma bit her lip, feeling as though her mouth were suddenly parched. She was - nervous. Why was she nervous? She turned off the water and slowly dried her hands. "I - I don't know if I trust you fully, Regina." They had been so honest with one another as of late, not sparing any details but she flinched as she said it, sure that Regina would cower below the words.

Instead, Regina pursed her lips, "No. I'm not sure that I trust me either, Emma. I still don't know exactly how it all happened, not really. That terrifies me." She took one of Emma's hands, playing with it lightly as she spoke, "But Emma - we have a family. We _are_ a family."

"Yes," Emma said, weakly.

"And we can't seem to stay out of one another's beds."

Emma laughed, "Yes, that's true." She licked her lips as Regina gave her a wicked little smile.

"And I don't want to stop."

She loved Regina pressed against her like this, though perhaps not as much as she liked this smile, this happy, devilish little smile. "Stop?"

Regina's hands ran up her chest, cupping her neck, "Kissing you." Emma accepted the kiss, a smile growing. "Fucking you." Regina kissed her again, deeply, her hands running down over Emma's breast and back up to her neck, making Emma dizzy. Regina pulled back, looking her square in the eyes, "Loving you."

"Mmm," Emma sighed into her lips.

A small hiccup made them both look up, toward the doorway to the hall.

Emma's eyes narrowed but Regina just looked amused.

"Alright, come out."

Silence.

Emma rolled her eyes, grinning, "We know you're there."

Like a clown car the doorway spilled, Ollie, Henry, and Penny.

"Mmhm," Regina smirked, not bothering to pull herself from Emma's arms.

"It was Henry's idea!" Ollie cried, immediately.

"You freaking narc!" Henry cried, very red faced and pushed him. Emma supposed he hadn't exactly enjoyed the display of his mothers' sexuality that he had just overheard.

"So you guys were there the whole time, huh? Heard everything we said?"

"Uh-huh!" Ollie beamed, proudly.

Regina laughed, hiding her face in Emma's chest.

"What does it mean?" Henry looked like he was going to explode out of his skin. He bounced a little in place, his arms swinging as though he were trying to be as casual as possible.

He was failing.

"Guys," Regina said, turning in Emma's arms but wrapping them around her waist, "we need you to understand something. We can't make any promises about what the future is going to look like. There is no way for us to know."

"Uh-huh." Henry grinned.

Regina opened her mouth but Emma knew she had nothing left to say so Emma decided to step in, "But we're willing to try."

Regina craned a look over her shoulder, " _Emma_?" she whispered, her face blissfully hopeful.

"I'm willing to try."

"You are?" She asked, cupping her cheek.

"Yeah, I guess I am." They shared a long smile before turning back to their children.

"So you're going to try." Henry bounced a little harder.

"Yes," Regina said, giving Emma's arms a tight squeeze, "We're willing to try."

Henry beamed. "Then that's all we can ask for."

* * *

_The end_


	56. Chapter 56

**Epilogue**

* * *

**Regina**

* * *

There is something just absolutely magnificent about dancing in the arms of your lover, your best friend, and partner. The band was playing a soft jazz number behind them, some old yuletide standard that Regina couldn't place, but it didn't really matter. Her mind was not on that, it was on the soft way that Emma's hands moved her, the feel of her, the untarnished romance of it all. Her hand was wrapped around Emma's shoulder, the other formally outstretched as Emma led her with a flat palm in the middle of her back. They spun and Regina smiled, nuzzling in closer, her cheek against Emma's.

Nine years. They had been married for nine years as of today. How was it possible that it had been that long and yet that short of a time?

The tips of Emma's fingers pressed lightly and Regina followed easily as they slowly spun the other direction, moving as one.

"Mmm," Regina sighed into Emma's ear, knowing that her lips brushed slightly against it as she spoke and enjoying the small tremor that passed through her wife, "I always love you in a suit." She ran her hand down the shoulder, enjoying the vaguely rough material under her palm.

Emma had dressed for the occasion in a thin, very modern skinny-legged suit, her hair pulled back tight and for once, in heavy makeup. Regina had been taunted all night by the smell of her lipstick, far too immaculate to kiss but begging to be messed, to be spread with her own lips.

She had been waiting for that kiss all night long, tasting it, begging for it, but Emma was holding back, making the kiss build, becoming a wanton hole in Regina's core.

Seeing her dress choice Regina had responded in kind with a long, curvy and elegant black dress of her own, her hair done to perfection and as a surprise for Emma later, a hidden away garter belt, stockings and very little else. They hadn't dressed up together in so long, it felt wonderful.

This was the key, Regina thought. They had gone back to dating after being caught by their son, setting aside one night a week for them as a couple. They were keeping it fun, new and interesting.

"You know, you have become quite the dancer, _Miss. Swan_."

Emma scoffed lightly, "I don't know what you've heard, but it's actually _Mrs. Mills_ now."

"Is it?" Regina bit her lip, wanting to take what was hers but resisting.

"Yeah."

"I like it. The name suits you."

The band's song came to a slow finale and they stopped moving while everyone around them clapped.

"I liked that song." Emma said slowly, but Regina wasn't listening, she was watching her lips, the way they moved, the vibrant red drawing her like a bull to the muleta. She watched the lips spread into a toothy grin.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

Emma chuckled, "I said, do you want to have one more drink before we hit the road? It's almost Henry's bedtime."

"Mmm, sure."

They returned to their table and Emma flagged down a server.

"You seem very distracted." Emma grinned.

"Well. Wasn't your entire goal to make sure that I am entirely and completely distracted?"

Emma gave her a coy smile, "I guess it was."

Regina wet her lips, surprised to find that now that the time was here she was no longer nervous. It was all perfect, the glow of the Christmas tree just behind them, the murmured voices, the music. She couldn't have asked for better. With a small breath, a small silver box appeared in front of Emma.

"Whaaat? Regina! We agreed on no gifts! We're saving for Italy."

"I know, I know, but open it please."

She wasn't scared. She had spent so much time being scared over the last months. She was sure of this.

With a little smile, Emma lifted the box, pulling on the ribbon and popping the lid.

"Regina?" The ring was simple and classic; as classic as her beautiful wife was. It was a solitaire pear shape, something she knew would look beautiful on Emma's hand. To this day Emma wore only a white gold wedding ring and now, hopefully, that would be fixed.

The small twinkling lights around them made Emma's large eyes glitter as she carefully removed the ring from the box and looked up at her, as though she didn't understand.

"Emma." Regina reached for the ring and her hand, "I was wondering - how would you feel about marrying me?" She had thought through long speeches, she had tried to memorize something beautiful but in the end, none of them felt right. It was a simple question, really.

"That's funny," Emma said, her face flushed, "I thought I had _already_ married you."

"You're incorrigible."

"Just the way you like me."

"Emma…"

Emma looked at the ring and hiccupped, "It's beautiful...you're beautiful."

It was all the answer that Regina needed. Watching the new ring slip onto her slender finger and settle beside the wedding ring that was the twin to her own was an astounding sight. When the ring was in place she lifted Emma's fingers and kissed them, moved to see the simple joy on her love's face.

There would be more talk later and perhaps even a private celebration but for now, they sipped the champagne that had just been delivered in quiet contemplation of the other until their flutes were empty. Then Emma signed the bill, tipping nicely and they started outside; a wonderful warm anticipation in their bellies.

Regina couldn't help her smile as they drive home, Emma constantly throwing small glances down at her left hand and then blushing when she was caught.

"Do you like it?"

Emma slipped her hands into hers, "I don't think it could be any more perfect if you tried."

Regina bit her lip and smiled to herself. She held on tight to Emma's hand, feeling complete, happy, and finally at peace as the snow drifted outside.

They tiptoed into the foyer when they arrived as to not wake anyone and were surprised to see Henry and Ollie on the couch curled up together.

"Shhh!" Henry hissed as they opened their mouths to speak. "He was upset about something. I don't know. I think he had a nightmare about a witch? He like had a freaking panic attack. He's good now though so _don't_ wake him up."

Emma nodded, lifting their son and staring up the stairs.

"How was your night?" Henry asked with a stretch.

"Good. Dinner was delicious." Regina switched on a quiet jazz cd, keeping the volume low; not quite ready to give up the mood yet. "She said yes."

Henry rolled his eyes, "Of _course_ she said yes."

"You know, I wasn't even nervous in the end."

" _Duh_!"

The classic carol came drifting from the stereo.

"More, huh?" Emma asked, hands in her pockets as she came back down the stairs.

"Yes please." Regina wrapped her arms around her and sighed as they began to dance again.

"Ugh, Penny wants to do that."

"Hmm?" She asked, pulled from her revery.

"At prom. Penny's gonna wanna dance like that."

'Well, of course she is!"

"But it's so stupid!"

"Oh no, Henry it isn't! I still remember my first really good dance as though it were yesterday and it was twenty-seven years ago."

"Really?" He looked at though this news had just ruined his night.

"I was swept off my feet. His name was Jorge and he was the perfect gentlemen. All the girls used to make fun of him because he always wore tucked in button downs and khakis. His hair was always kind of unruly and he wore glasses, but when he took me into his arms," Regina gave a small reminiscent shiver, "I let him sneak a kiss that night."

Henry's eyebrows were high, "Wow, and you were going to grow up to be a lesbian. That _must_ have been a good dance."

"Plus, dancing is" Emma scooted in a little closer, holding Regina tighter, "a really good excuse to get in close."

"Emma!"

But her wife just laughed, "You know when you tell a really funny joke and she laughs until she cries?"

"Yeah." Henry grinned.

"Giving her a really dance kinda feel like that, only better." Emma chuckled, rubbing her nose against Regina's ear and making her shiver. "Come here, kid."

"What?" He stood in his I-swear-I-mean-them-ironically Spiderman pajama bottoms and shuffled over to her.

"I realized we never taught you. Come on."

"Awe Maaaaa-"

"No, no, Henry listen to your mother. She had become a very good dancer - somehow."

Emma made a face, "I was _always_ a good dancer. You just made me nervous!"

"Good," Regina said in her deepest, most sultry tone.

Emma shot her a look at her, pursing her lips slightly at her favorite tone and Regina felt that pull in her lower belly. She wanted that kiss damn it.

"Alright, so you put your hand like this, no, no, relax your arm. Right. You want it loose but firm. Good. Normally you would hold it a little higher like this but you know - _Lurch_. Okay, and your hand goes here. Think of it as between the strap of her bra and her butt. Okay, closer to bra than butt. Right."

Henry was flushing, the same look of avid concentration he used to use when trying to color inside of the lines.

"Okay, you got that?"

Henry dropped his arms, "Am I really going to do this in front of the whole school?"

Regina chuckled, "Well, I suppose that's up to you, sweetheart."

He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, come back."

Henry tensely put his arms in the proper place on his mother with a huff.

"Good. Now," she switched roles with him, "moving."

"Hoookay."

"So it's all about the hands."

Regina watched Emma explaining with a smile on her lips. Henry's movements were gawky and awkward as Emma took him around and around in a circle. She stumbled over her feet, falling all over the place and making Emma laugh.

God, she really is beautiful, isn't she? Her soon to be wife, twice over. Perhaps this time they would have a summer wedding; something less formal that Emma would like. She didn't really care so long as it was Emma she was marrying.

"So like -" Henry tried and fumbled.

"No, more like this." Emma reached for Regina pulling her to her and slowly spinning her in the basic circle that she had been showing Henry a second before. Regina flushed, entranced as Emma spun them faster, a knowing grin on her oh so red lips. "I don't know if she's going to be wearing a long dress or not but see how I kind of step out and around it so that I don't step on it?"

"Okay!" Henry grinned, "I wanna try."

"Oh thank you, sir." Regina laughed as Henry gave her a small bow, returning with a curtsey. He moved her slowly, jerky like a rusty clock, stiff as a board for a minute or two until she couldn't help but to laugh, shaking out his arm, "Just try to have fun. In the end it is all about the _fun_."

"Okay," He said uncertainly. "Oh! Crap! I'm sorry."

Emma laughed as Henry caught her dress and flushed.

"Don't worry about it. Come on. No, press with your fingers, don't just pull me. There you go. _Watch out for the Christmas tree_! No, no, it's alright, sweetie."

This was the night she would remember in five or ten years when he looped her elegantly around the dance floor on his wedding night. She would remember how they had taught him to dance before his prom. She and Emma would sit at a table and watch his first dance and remember what it had been like, how young he had been. They would talk of how they hadn't realized it at the time but that night had been special, one of the last before their boy had left for college and a life of his own.

She sniffed and quickly wiped under her eyes.

"What's wrong? Oh my god, did I hurt you?"

"No, sweetie. I just - I love you so much. Now, come on. Try going the other direction."

Soon both were spinning, not well or not easily but still twirling together around the room. Henry passed her back to Emma who spun her with grace and then she landed back in her son's arms.

They were all laughing hard when there was a small knock at the door.

"I don't know Henry, I'm pretty sure that Penny is going to have a very good night. Emma, show him how to step outside of the circle."

"Yeah, show me! How do I fast dance?"

Regina grinned, gathering her skirt a bit her thoughts on their son. God, he was so much like Emma. _Prom_! Time was absolutely flying.

She was still smiling, her thoughts on those beautiful red lips and that kiss she would soon take when she opened the door.

She didn't even have time for her smile to drop away. She only registered those wide mauve eyes flashing and the full lips blowing the dusty powder from her palm before everything went completely and unarguably black...

* * *

The End...for now...

 


	57. Chapter 57

_**Sequel in the making as of May 2018.** _

I am going through the original story for grammatical and editorial errors, of which there are plenty, to get me back into the headspace. Then I will begin writing the sequel. I write a story in whole, including editing and beta-ing before it begins to posts. Which means, once I finish editing ETD it will be about three to five months before you even see QOD. But I'm working on it.

Please be patient.

I'm working on it.

If you feel the need to leave a review/message me/send hate based in asking if I'm still working on it then allow this to be your answer. Yes, I am still working on it. It just takes a few months to write a fic to completion. Also, I just had a baby. That is slowing it down. So even if it's six months from this moment in May of 2018, my answer is still yes, it's still coming. **_No need to ask. Please, don't ask. It just gets under my skin and makes me feel like no one is listening/at this point it feels rude._ **

Also, it kind of kills my motivation when every review I get about this current story is just pushing me for the sequel. Tell me what you did or didn't like about THIS one, tell me what you think is going to happen in the sequel/where Regina is/how Emma will find her - tell me anything except asking for the sequel. And just sit back and wait for the next. **_  
_**

Because.

**_It's coming._ **

Thanks all!

\- Olivia


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